- 6 hours ago
First broadcast 5th April 2010.
The first of two compilation shows featuring the best bits of Series G and some never-before-seen bits of interestingness.
The first of two compilation shows featuring the best bits of Series G and some never-before-seen bits of interestingness.
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TVTranscript
00:00You know when you find a bee and it's crawling on its last legs. I always rescue them. You give
00:04it honey
00:05It's the only thing they eat. It makes sense when you think about it
00:12No point just talking to it give it honey. They're very much a one recipe species
00:18I'm sorry. I'm intrigued because I would I generally give it the sole of my shoe, but
00:24Not to be harsh, but you know
00:27Struggling crawling bees
00:30As opposed to rehabilitating
00:34I'm a porridge you murderer
00:37Depend on bees we need the bees okay, so in future I should lure the be back
00:42I like and I don't get a syringe of honey. Just a tiny amount of honey. How do I?
00:48Honey don't tread on it. It should be but you should be arrested
00:51But you should be
00:52You know we're in a hive
00:57Isn't it true though that a bee in his entire lifetime makes an absolutely tiny amount of honey overall
01:03I mean just a tiny amount of honey
01:05So you don't have to give much rehabilitating honey to this one bee so for the nation the world is
01:11making a loss
01:15I mean it's useless if you only get one teaspoon of honey from a whole bees lifetime and every time
01:20we have to get it back on its feet it takes a teaspoon and a half
01:23Suddenly there's no honey at all
01:26This is more honey than this bee has seen in its life
01:29Yeah
01:29You're insulting it apart from anything else
01:31It's like showing a very tired Mason a whole cathedral
01:45Let's say that you're in between Alan and Dara so like Alan you want to help the bee give it
01:51honey
01:51But like Dara you also want to kill kill kill
01:54What you can do is you get what I would term too much honey and you see the bee and
02:00you pour molten honey
02:03Look, look, hear me out
02:04Alright, okay
02:05And then you watch him die as slow as you can
02:08Yeah, yeah, I carry on
02:10Yes, I've now heard you out
02:12Yes
02:13And it's no better
02:14That's worse
02:15That's much worse than what I did
02:17Torturing a bee
02:17So you're being humane
02:18Yeah, I am
02:19You're not, you're getting a kick out of it
02:20Let's forget that
02:22Drowning the bee ironically in honey
02:25You can't drown bees
02:26You want some honey?
02:27You can't drown bees
02:27How much honey do you want?
02:29Is this too much honey?
02:31No
02:31I'm so keen on that honey now are you after your lifetime making honey
02:36You may try and drown bees Dara but I will follow you
02:40And I will rescue the drummer who wanted to drown the bee
02:43Yes it was
02:44He's a bee drummer
02:45He wanted to smack it and he killed the hammer
02:48He wanted to tread on it
02:49It is a bee
02:50It is a bee in a bath
02:51I don't damn go
02:52Right, get the shoes
02:53Splishy, splashy, splashy, splashy
02:56Very good
02:57Well, thank you for that
03:00Interesting, fierce and I think productive debate
03:05I did one of those Royal Command performances many years ago
03:08And Anthony Newley wrote a song for the end that we had to do
03:12Mmm
03:12Which had the gorgeous line
03:15See, we had to edit it
03:16At the London Palladium
03:18The P-A double L-A-dium
03:20The super starry stadium
03:22That showbiz calls home
03:42That showbiz calls home
03:44And I love it
03:48That showbiz calls home
03:49Will you shut up?
03:50That showbiz calls home
03:52What is that?
03:53The Annoying Coder
03:54Yeah
03:55Annoying Coder
03:56Yeah
03:56I don't know what we're talking about anymore
03:58But I completely lost track
04:02Who's this Newley man?
04:03Anthony Newley
04:04Anthony Newley
04:05Anthony Newley
04:06He used to sing with a hundred syllables
04:09Like that
04:10And David Bowie stole his voice of course
04:13Yeah, David Bowie
04:14Exactly
04:15And he was the first
04:17Oh, not the first
04:17But he was a very early artful dodger
04:19Yeah
04:20He was one of the first
04:20Yeah
04:23And he
04:24He was one of the most successful British showbiz people of all time
04:27Won Oscars
04:28Yes
04:28Yeah, won Tony
04:29And he wrote Goldfinger
04:30So before we listen to too much
04:32Goldfinger
04:32And there's a story
04:33Because Tony Newley told me himself
04:37He wrote Goldfinger
04:39He won the Oscar for Goldfinger
04:40He won the Oscar for Goldfinger in 64 or 65
04:45And he was up against Henry Mancini
04:47And he was at the Oscars
04:48And he says
04:49Dan, if you ever win
04:50Hang on, I'm doing Max Bygrave's summary
04:52Dan, if you ever win an Oscar
04:54And you will
04:57He said
04:57He said
04:57The first thing you want to do
04:58He said you go straight to the toilets
04:59And stand there looking at yourself in the mirror
05:01And with your Oscar and all this
05:02He said
05:02And I was in the toilets
05:03And I just won for Goldfinger
05:05And Henry Mancini came in
05:07And he said
05:07Where did you get that melody for that song?
05:09It's brilliant
05:10He said, thank you Henry
05:11And he thought
05:12Oh
05:13He won last year for Moon River
05:14Moon River
05:16I just won for Goldfinger
05:19Oh
05:19That's true
05:20Yeah
05:20And he said
05:21And I thought
05:21It was an accident
05:22But Henry Mancini, gentleman of yours
05:24Just left him with that
05:25Oh, that's
05:25Oh, you wrote the music for Goldfinger then?
05:27Yeah
05:27Oh
05:27I thought you wrote the film
05:29I was going to sit down
05:32Would you like a cup of cocoa?
05:37If cryogenics takes off
05:38Then it might benefit you to commit suicide
05:40Quite young
05:42Because then you get brought back
05:43Looking exactly the same
05:45Then you do it again
05:45That's true
05:47So you get a couple of years
05:48Top yourself
05:49Get frozen again
05:49Same
05:50Why would you just freeze yourself?
05:52Why would you top yourself
05:53And then freeze yourself?
05:55In the hope that they'd have cured suicide
05:57You know
06:00Some day medical scientists have moved on
06:02To have found
06:02Some way of dealing with
06:04Massive gunshot wounds to the head
06:07Then I'll come back and score
06:08Because I'll look great
06:09Yeah
06:11The idea to like
06:12Do every decade
06:13Of a couple of good years
06:14In the clubs
06:14Riding people
06:16Why would you even do that?
06:17Yeah
06:17Then you come back in another
06:18Hundred years time
06:19See what it's like
06:20Talk yourself
06:21Come back
06:21No
06:23No
06:24You're not getting my fault
06:26You started eating
06:27With a serial suicide
06:28But why did you have to
06:30Top yourself first?
06:31Because you're frozen when you're dead
06:33Not when you're alive
06:34They don't put you in the freezer
06:36I know
06:36I think they freeze you when you're alive
06:38They freeze you when you're alive
06:39They freeze you when you're alive
06:39Well they can freeze you
06:40Yeah
06:40How can you be so shocked
06:42You freeze when you're alive?
06:44You can kill yourself
06:46Well when you're dying
06:48I thought it was at the moment of death
06:50And they just quickly whip your brain out
06:52With your organs
06:52You know like they do with people's organs
06:54I don't think they're allowed to freeze you
06:56When you're actually alive
06:57No actually
06:57Because while they say the freezing
06:59Is so that you can wake up in the future
07:01Yeah
07:01In fact the freezing
07:02Would kill you
07:03I mean
07:05Are they sure?
07:06No I'm thinking
07:07I'm thinking
07:07Alan's plan
07:09You'd already be dead
07:10And then
07:10Then they take your brain out
07:12And something else is dead
07:13And at some point
07:15A hundred years on
07:15They put their brain back in again
07:16You'd look great
07:18And they look great
07:25It's gonna work
07:27Why would you not want
07:29Private Gwylland Jenkins
07:32Of the Royal Welsh Regiment
07:35Guarding your rose bushes
07:37Sure
07:38He's a goat
07:39Is the right answer
07:44Very good
07:48Very good
07:49Very good
07:50Yeah
07:50How did you
07:51You knew that
07:52Or it was an inspired guest
07:53No I knew it
07:54Because I knew it
07:54It's a Welsh Regiment
07:55That has a goat
07:56The various different Welsh Regiments
07:57That were conjoined
07:59A few years ago
07:59And there he is
08:00Isn't he fine?
08:01Excellent
08:02Satan
08:02From the Royal Herd
08:04In Windsor
08:04He's
08:05What?
08:06He said he looks like
08:07Satan
08:08Satan
08:09More like
08:12Satan in the 70s
08:13You know
08:14He does fit
08:15You're right
08:16There's a regiment in Norway
08:18Where there's a general
08:19Or something
08:19He's a penguin
08:20Don't they?
08:21You're right
08:21A chem
08:22He's actually honoured
08:23He was honoured
08:25In Edinburgh
08:25Or he inspected the troops
08:27He inspected some
08:28Troops
08:29In Edinburgh
08:29A penguin
08:30He wanders up and down
08:32With a thing round his neck
08:33Looking up the kilts
08:36Could be
08:37No
08:38What do you mean the thing
08:38Well like a medal
08:40He couldn't pin a medal on him
08:41But he's got some seal of office
08:43And he walks up and down
08:44A seal?
08:44Oh!
08:46My god
08:50Wow
08:51He's got a seal, a penguin
08:52Right
08:53But other regimental mascots include
08:55What would the Irish Guards have?
08:57A leprechaun
08:57A big dog
08:59A goldfish
09:01Not
09:02Not a dog
09:02One of those Irish dogs
09:03Irish Wolfhound
09:05Wolfhound
09:05Thank you
09:06Irish Wolfhound is indeed
09:07Yes
09:07The Argyle and Sutherland Highlanders
09:09What would they have?
09:10A big cow
09:10Or a bull
09:11A haggis
09:11A cow
09:14No
09:15Paganese
09:16No
09:17A tiger
09:18A tiger
09:18A big tiger
09:19An Argyle and Sutherland Terrier
09:22No
09:22It's a further
09:23What do you get
09:24It's about the same size virtually as the Irish Wolfhound and the goat
09:27A cow
09:28The Bonsai Panther
09:33Really small
09:34What's up north of Scotland
09:35Further north?
09:36Wales
09:37Shetland pony
09:38Shetland pony
09:39Shetland pony
09:40Well done Alan
09:40They have a Shetland pony
09:41And the Worcestershire and Sherwood Forrester's
09:44Bottle of sauce
09:45Yeah
09:48Woodlouse
09:49Woodlouse
10:06Woodlouse
10:07Kim Kimmy
10:08He demands that
10:09Dear leader
10:09His bed
10:10His duvets are filled with the softest down known to man
10:13And the softest down apparently known to man is the chin of a sparrow
10:20And he has 150,000 sparrow chins stuffed into his duvet
10:26No
10:26Did they shave the live sparrow and send it back or did they kill a sparrow?
10:30I think it was a
10:31Just a little tickle under the chin
10:33Chuck it under the chin
10:34Chuck it
10:35Stephen fills his duvet with the softest man known as sparrow
10:43I do
10:45I do
10:46I do
10:47I do
10:48I do
10:48You painted this picture
10:51Yes
10:52Van Gogh
10:54Oh
10:56I swear after
10:57How is it
10:58What
10:59I'm going to go Van
11:00Goth
11:01Oh
11:06Van Gogh
11:07Van Gogh
11:08Van Gogh
11:08Van Gogh
11:08Van Gogh
11:10Van Gogh
11:10Van Gogh
11:12Van Gogh
11:13Van Gogh
11:13Here's Jimmy
11:16Cezanne
11:22At least you don't lose points for that extraordinary reason
11:26Van Gogh
11:27Van Gogh
11:28Closer but we need
11:29Van Gogh
11:29Van Gogh
11:31Van Gogh
11:31Now listen
11:32We actually can help you out with how old that name
11:34You came
11:34Jolly close Jack
11:36Were you aware
11:36There's a Dutch version of QI
11:38Yes
11:38And would you like to see the presenter
11:40Who
11:41Not really
11:41They will
11:43And he's going to tell us how the name is pronounced
11:46Yeah it's going to be pretty good
11:47It's going to be so sexy
11:48It's going to be so sexy
11:49Come on
11:50Come on show me
11:51The correct Dutch pronunciation is
11:53Vincent Van Gogh
11:56But please don't try this at home
11:58There he is
11:59What would he know
12:00Van Gogh
12:01He wears more makeup than you Steve
12:05Let's have the next word
12:08And it's
12:08Grog blossom
12:09It's a phrase
12:10Grog blossom
12:11Would you like to explain what Grog blossom means
12:12It's actually the
12:14Kind of mould
12:16That you get around the inside of a barrel of
12:19Ah
12:21Beer that you have to clean out before you can use it again
12:23Right
12:23Phil
12:24I'd like to if I may do it in the style of the usual customary out of work actor
12:28They used to have on call my book
12:29Who would then really lean into his definition
12:31In an effort to beg for work
12:35Imagine if you will
12:41A lone figure walking across Hampstead Heath
12:46The sun glinting in his very eyes
12:50For he is making his way back from an evening at the inn
12:54Where he has partaken of mead and other lascivious beverages
13:03Adorning the chin of said stout fellow
13:07Are pimples
13:09For they betray his excesses
13:12And these at the time were known as
13:16Marty Fitch 01287469
13:21Available for panto
13:24Grog Blossom
13:25Grog Blossom
13:26Oh, Grog Blossom
13:27Excellent
13:32The true understanding of evolution also shows that nature is completely horrific
13:36That was a major part that the Victorians hated because they thought
13:38They loved their countryside and they loved birdsong
13:41Mrs. Alexander's, you know, all things bright and beautiful
13:43Yes, and instead they're locked in a vicious struggle for survival
13:47Exactly
13:47All animals are hungry and afraid
13:49And they die before they, you know, get old
13:52And it's a miserable, hard life
13:54Unless they live in zoos when they are quite stress free
13:57It is, it's a life they wouldn't expect in the wild
13:59Maybe
14:01They should, if you, they might have zoo for a little bit
14:03And let them back in the circus
14:05Just a little bit
14:06I miss a dog pushing a pram
14:11Are you
14:12Super Soleil is all very well
14:15You're an elephant counting
14:16You're pinching yourself in a tailcoat and tights and a top hat
14:20Welcoming everybody to Circus X Factor and Call Me and Nancy
14:25Oh, no, no
14:26You have to do the elephant's backstory
14:29The elephant's emotional
14:30This is the elephant's last chance at a career in show business
14:35And the elephant, of course, in the tears
14:36And then do the, he's doing this for his dead grandfather
14:39And then a shot of the elephant staring at a big pile of ivory
14:48You are a sick puppy
14:50We need some piano keys
14:51Oh
14:53The man, the man is about to play for him
14:57Yeah, he's about to play for him
14:58He's about to play for him
15:01Yeah, my granddad was in show business as well
15:05Oddly enough
15:06It seems that both girls and boys
15:09Will take more pain from a woman
15:11They did calibrated tests of putting fingers in a clamp
15:15And
15:16Both men
15:17Who volunteered for that?
15:20Who would volunteer for that?
15:21Keep the clamp
15:23You pay students
15:25Anyway, you say stop when you really can't take the pain anymore
15:28And in both women and men's cases
15:30Women could turn it further
15:32But oddly enough, there are all kinds of other things
15:34If there are pleasant pictures on the wall
15:36You can take more pain
15:37And it was rather good
15:38To know that that's what art does for us all
15:40Well, there's a wonderful thing called Stendhal's Syndrome
15:43Do you know about Stendhal's Syndrome?
15:45Oh, yes
15:45Which is so wonderful idea
15:46Which is that people who are so overwhelmed by a piece of art
15:49They feel faint
15:49I think we covered it in the last series
15:51Do you remember Stendhal's
15:52No
15:56That's the beauty
15:57We can do the questions again
15:58It'll be a
15:59It'll be a
15:59It'll be a
16:00It'll be a
16:01It'll be a
16:01It'll be a
16:05The only thing is also
16:06Painkillers have different effects
16:07Did you know this?
16:08But
16:09Right up until the 1990s
16:10Drug companies
16:11Did not test painkillers on women
16:13Because they complain anyway
16:15Ha!
16:18Do you want to hear
16:19Oh, Jack, you're making friends
16:21Oh, I fear
16:22You probably
16:23I think Jack had better suffer for that one
16:25Um
16:26Actually
16:26Women's ability to take different levels of pain
16:29Alters in different stages of the menstrual cycle
16:31And so the pharmaceutical company said that women were not a reliable test of painkillers
16:37Because we were all over the place
16:38Because you were all over the place
16:40But then the American FDA said this is not good enough
16:42And you must factor it in and work out how to test painkillers
16:46You've just come back from America, Stephen
16:47Isn't there fantastic drugs in America?
16:49You can buy, I mean, shed loads of drugs in America, right?
16:51I was in a chemist in America recently and I wanted to look for something
16:54And I ended up
16:55Not in a hemorrhoid section
16:56In a hemorrhoid aisle
16:58Yes
16:59It is astonishing
17:00The size of those Walgreens and those huge pharmacies in America
17:04Unbelievable, aren't they?
17:05Absolutely
17:06Is it embarrassing walking down the hemorrhoid aisle?
17:09It must be a metaphor
17:11You've got to go in and ask for the stuff, apparently
17:13Yeah
17:14Apparently he likes to walk down the hemorrhoid aisle
17:23Yeah
17:23Oh dear
17:24Get out of exactly an hour though
17:26What was the hour?
17:26Where did the hour?
17:28Why did they decide on an hour?
17:30What was that?
17:31What was that?
17:32Why an hour?
17:33Why not just, you know, half an hour?
17:35And make that an hour?
17:36Because 24 is divisible in so many different ways
17:39It's very factorisable
17:40Divisible by 2 and 3 and 4 and 6 and 8
17:42Exactly
17:43You could add 10
17:43No, 10 is only divisible by 1, 2, 5 in itself
17:46Oh, yeah
17:47Only, only one dimension
17:48That's my 20
17:49That's my 20
17:50If you go into another dimension
17:51You could have anything
17:54We weren't in another dimension
17:55Oh, I'm sorry
17:58But why was it important to divide 24 by 8?
18:02Yeah
18:02To have as divisible a system as possible
18:05Why wouldn't it be 100?
18:06Why don't I have 100?
18:07Make it all up to 10
18:07If you want to do that
18:08Then you can have a plan to decimalise time
18:11If you like you
18:11In fact, I'm going to live my own
18:13I won't make my own
18:14I'm going to cross two of these off
18:16I don't know
18:19Let's have a vote
18:20I'm going to have a vote
18:213
18:223 and 8
18:23Yeah
18:24Well, last night you joined the show
18:25You're going to have to do 1 to 10
18:27Because then we'll never have 11s ever again
18:29So...
18:29No, I'll leave 11s
18:31Can you just...
18:32Ninesies
18:33Ninesies
18:34What is your system?
18:35How many hours are in your day?
18:3720
18:3720 hours of daylight
18:38Make it nice and simple
18:39We'll call it a...
18:40Hoorah
18:40Right
18:42Hoorah
18:43Hoorah
18:44Hoorah
18:44Hoorah
18:45Hoorah
18:45Hoorah
18:45Hoorah
18:45Hoorah
18:45Hoorah
18:46Hoorah
18:46Hoorah
18:46Hoorah
18:46Hoorah
18:58Hoorah
18:58They had a base 12 counting system
19:01But they had 10 fingers
19:02Yeah
19:03And 10 toes
19:04And then you could count off the bits, the sections of time
19:08By each one of your digits, couldn't you?
19:11What time is it?
19:12What time is it?
19:121, 2...
19:143 and a half
19:152 minutes past 4
19:16What would that be then?
19:18About 6
19:18About 6, yeah
19:19Yeah
19:21Well, good luck
19:22There could be an interesting line in merchandiseable metric clocks
19:26Yes
19:26Yeah
19:27It's the Bill Bailey QI metric clock
19:29Metric clock
19:30Yeah
19:31That's fine, that'll do me
19:32Anyway, we've just done an hour on that topic
19:34Yes
19:34Yeah, yeah
19:35I think
19:36My new system
19:37I think it was my new term
19:39An hour and a bit
19:41Can I only mean one thing?
19:43Time to move on
19:45Where does the extra square in this diagram come from?
19:49There, those two are the same size, aren't they?
19:50And they're all made up of elements that are the same size
19:52You can actually see
19:53Can you see there's a white square there of bits missing?
19:56Oh, yeah
19:56How can that be?
19:59Because some of the triangles
20:00Have a look at it actually happening
20:03Because, whoop, that one goes there
20:05That one goes there
20:06Goes there
20:07Whoa, like so
20:08Like so
20:09Like so
20:10Like so
20:11So
20:11Now there's more space in there
20:13Yeah
20:13And that can't be possible
20:15Can you?
20:16Yeah, my eyes tell me it is
20:18Yes
20:19It's not even longer
20:20It's
20:21No, it's
20:22It's the same, isn't it?
20:22Yeah
20:22There it is
20:24It is a cheat
20:25That's witchcraft
20:26Yeah, it is
20:27It is
20:28Funny, I've been rather appropriate
20:30It was a magician who discovered this
20:31It's five blocks high
20:33Five blocks high
20:33The same number of blocks long by the look of it
20:35It's a very small, subtle cheat
20:38The hypotenies in the top one
20:39And in the bottom one
20:40Seems to be the same
20:41But they are curved
20:42They're not straight
20:44The red triangle has a ratio of five to two
20:46The blue triangle has a ratio of eight to three
20:48So the two triangles are not similar
20:50So it's going like that
20:52Yeah
20:52Exactly
20:53It's one of them's dip
20:54Exactly
20:54One of them has a slightly dip line
20:56The other has a slightly up line
20:57The eye assumes they're straight
21:00And it's puzzled by that gap
21:01Anyway
21:02We thought you'd like that
21:03It's quite interesting, isn't it?
21:05It's quite interesting
21:05Yeah
21:05Quite that
21:06Yeah
21:07So it's Curry's paradox
21:08It's simply a trick
21:09The gap appears
21:11Because the hypotenuse is imperceptibly bent
21:13All of them
21:14Curry's paradox
21:15Yeah, it's nice
21:16Should you buy the insurance?
21:21Or just risk it
21:24There are, of course, the lovely Osmonds
21:26Aren't they lovely?
21:28What teeth?
21:29They were rubbish
21:30Were they?
21:31Apart from little Jimmy Osmond
21:33He was a long-haired lover from Liverpool
21:34Liverpool
21:35Of course it was big Graham Osmond
21:37The one they kept in the attic
21:42Who had terrible teeth
21:44Yeah
21:45One massive yellow teeth
21:46Yeah
21:47Yeah
21:48He wrote all the songs
21:50Yeah, like that
21:51By groaning them
21:52He groaned them into a tin can
21:55That was collected by a piece of string
21:56They say
21:57Well Hm
22:01Crazy
22:06Always
22:08Ooh
22:19And, you know
22:24the Analytic
22:27The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
22:33What a great idea!
22:37That's a great idea, really.
22:38Doctor Who, isn't it?
22:39Doctor Who goes into the attic and finds the elderly secret brother of the altar.
22:44And that's how they kill off David Tennant.
22:47Imagine that.
22:52Is that the part of the Christmas show?
22:53Played by Bill Bailey.
23:02I was buying some ties the other day.
23:04And having some ties, surely selected for you.
23:07And they said, do you want to put them in a box?
23:09I said, oh, I'll have them in a bag.
23:10I said, no.
23:11I said, did they find us?
23:13If they were to put them in a box, you could have said to your friends,
23:15you spent the day tie boxing.
23:18Oh, I know.
23:19And we laughed.
23:20There you are.
23:21This is kind of gold you miss if you're not on the street where Steve...
23:26I just thought at the time.
23:28It is a very nice one.
23:29And imagine when he came round.
23:31Yeah.
23:34And he picked himself back up off the floor.
23:39Can I still put them in the box?
24:02Why did it take 300 years to give the giant tortoise a scientific name?
24:07A scientific name?
24:09Yeah, i.e. the Latin name.
24:10It turned out to be called Geo-Colonial, you know.
24:14Is it because they just thought that was pretty good, giant tortoise?
24:17We'll leave it with that.
24:18Yeah.
24:22I was going to say something about it, which now is unusable.
24:25I'm going to have to say it.
24:26Go on, I'm going to have to say it.
24:28They thought...
24:33They thought it was a normal tortoise, but it's a bit closer, is what I was going to say.
24:40I couldn't get that concept.
24:41Would it be actually further away, and a normal one further away would be actually a minute one?
24:46Would they mistake a quite far away normal one for a miniaturised one?
24:50That's a bit...
24:51Yeah, but the thing that you're saying is that the tortoise's still bigger.
24:55I mean, it's just...
24:56It's a third way, if they say, oh, I don't like it more, go that way.
25:01If there was like a tortoise over there that was giant, but I, for some reason, thought it was just
25:05there,
25:06then I wouldn't think it was giant.
25:08I'd think it was just, oh, there's just one there.
25:10It was just a normal tortoise there, no, nothing about that.
25:12Oh my God, it's over there, and it's massive!
25:14It would have to be on a huge beach with no other points of reference.
25:17Well, yes, exactly.
25:18Yeah, that's not the reason.
25:21Are they particularly litigious?
25:24If you give me a name, I will sue you.
25:28No, it wasn't that.
25:29It's a nice thought to get.
25:30No, they had another property which was most unfortunate for them to have.
25:33Like the tortoise's, kid.
25:35They were edible.
25:36They were so edible.
25:39Anyone who saw one couldn't stop to think of a name.
25:42They just had to eat it straight away.
25:45I think you want a loaf.
25:46I love them, I love them, I love them, I love them, I love them.
25:47There's no, you know, there's no, there's no Latin name for the pistachio nut, right?
25:56Exactly the same way, no one can be bothered.
25:58Just shut up with your Latin, eat them, they're brilliant.
26:00I think that's what happens.
26:01There's no Latin name for Maltesers.
26:03None of them made it to London, none of them made it to Europe.
26:15Now this time, this time, we're going to take it and we're going to take London's down here.
26:21No, leave it, no.
26:22No, however I'm taking it back.
26:25Very, coming into Dover, there's a bloke going...
26:30...leaving the door where the tortoises stick.
26:32You know what?
26:36Take nine of them.
26:38We'll eat eight.
26:40Absolutely.
26:42And then everyone's looking at it.
26:44Come on.
26:45The days are there and the seas become.
26:49There's one tortoise left.
26:51Come on, sir. Come on, we'll go back.
26:53Let's just go back and get some more.
26:56Imagine the moment after they've eaten that last quarter.
26:59They're sitting there thinking, we are.
27:05I'm too full.
27:07Even Darwin on Darwin's last quarter.
27:11There were dozens.
27:13He collected every species in the world.
27:15He ate that one.
27:16They did.
27:17He's done all the butterflies.
27:20The only descriptions of them are comparing them to chicken,
27:24beef, mutton and butter and saying how much better they are
27:27than all of those things.
27:29No one who'd ever eaten tortoise had ever eaten anything better.
27:33Except the liver and the bone marrow.
27:36Every part of it was unbelievably delicious.
27:38Whereabouts are they from?
27:39Well, from the tropics mostly.
27:41Are there flights over there?
27:45They are now protected.
27:48All 12 species.
27:49I bet they're not that delicious.
27:50They can't be.
27:51They just say, yeah, we've protected them.
27:53They're all in there.
27:53No need to look.
27:55Yeah, we're all in there.
27:56Yeah, we're all in there.
28:00There were some that survived, however,
28:02and let me tell you about a very extraordinary one.
28:04Look at that bloke there.
28:04He's just befriending that one.
28:07Yeah, come over here, my pretty.
28:09I'm trying to think of a namepiece.
28:11You kick her foot.
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