- 4 hours ago
Taskmaster - S18E04 - Im a Girl Who Likes a Clean Line [Full Movie] [Full Story]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:16I
00:16Mean you're useless
00:34The answer to the question where can I say an overweight but dashing man get a feckless weasel with a
00:41wonky tooth to torture his peer group for pointless tasks
00:44Channel 4 that's where silly let's meet them now
01:03I
01:03Next to me a man who says that he loves to holiday in Wales because it is so beautiful
01:09But longs for the day when its people are driven into the sea
01:22Hello, Greg
01:24I've got your present. Thank you. Do you like cars?
01:27Do I get do you yes? Good. Oh, do you like Greg Davis?
01:33Barely stop looking in the mirror
01:35Well, I think you'll like genuine personalized number plates
01:47First size I'm a plate for Greg Davis does it say Gary Davis
01:57Surprised us today this time they've brought in the thing most likely to make you say war Christ now that
02:05is butter
02:10Badass
02:11Yes, sure we've all probably said badass and sure we've all probably had badass, but Greg wants to see something
02:17That makes him say it like he means it and that will result in five really really big points you
02:23Emma City. Yes. How are you gonna make me say now that is badass?
02:27This is something that I own
02:31It's very precious to me, and I think it speaks for itself
02:35React to this Greg. Okay. I know what I've got to say if it doesn't elicit the response here we
02:41go
02:41I
02:43I
02:50Nothing
02:53Now that is badass
02:54I
02:56Hate it. I find it religiously insensitive. Yes
03:01I think God and Jesus would love that
03:13Think any of the big three would like that
03:15I think it's horrible. Yeah, you should be ashamed
03:22Yo, are you gonna make me say why this is badass 100%? Well, how's your footwear nowadays bro?
03:28You've got your sock game on on lock. I won't lie. Yeah, I got something that better than these shoes
03:34100% way better than your shoes
03:40He's gonna get you these shoes Greg. All right
03:43Nike Air Force One let me tell you something. Yeah, so now when you come to like the ends, right?
03:49You wear white air forces when I come to the ends the ends bro watch top boy, bruv, okay?
03:57There's a lot of work for me to do before I can say these are badass
04:02All you need to do is just rock up with a pair of white air forces, but this is the
04:05thing you can't just rock up with a pair
04:07Air forces, right? You've got a laugh, but the laugh has to be smooth. You've got to be like
04:15What situations am I gonna do this in brother?
04:18I'm just trying to inject some youth into you. You're the one that's turned like what did you say like
04:2175?
04:22It feels like
04:24Feels like it, but I don't know whether I'm gonna feel more useful if I go into any situation and
04:29go
04:31With a pair of white trainers. I'm not gonna lie, that laugh was good though
04:35Yeah, and it felt good
04:36Hello, Rosie
04:37Oh, yeah
04:38What have you brought in?
04:39So I brought in something and then I've also brought in a promise
04:48Mmm
04:49Ooh
04:50Ooh
04:51Let's dance
04:53Well, there's nothing more bad at that than a tattoo
04:59I got two, one, two
05:02And I got a third one
05:05Here
05:06Yes
05:12Yeah
05:13And I'm thinking you've heard of it
05:14Wow. That's quite badass
05:16So the promise is...
05:20If you don't award me quite highly...
05:27Yeah
05:27I'll do it again
05:30LAUGHTER
05:34APPLAUSE
05:34Good. Thank you, AC.
05:36Jack. Yeah.
05:38Are you badass? I'm unpopular
05:40in the world of hip-hop and rap,
05:42and so I borrowed
05:44something from a rapper,
05:46a friend of mine, and he sent me
05:48one of his outfits, and he's
05:50pretty famous as well, so I...
05:52You draft it up?
05:54No, I'll give you the name. He's called TK Maxx.
05:57LAUGHTER
05:59I know that guy. Yeah, and he just said,
06:02whatever you need, I'm sending it to you.
06:03Greg, is this badass?
06:05LAUGHTER
06:08Er, no.
06:10LAUGHTER
06:10That would be the outfit I would wear
06:13if I was unloading an angel
06:15from the back of a van.
06:19Anyway, it's your choice.
06:21I've made my choice.
06:23It is not badass.
06:24Yeah.
06:25Only Andy Zaltzman can save us.
06:28Those are dangerous words, Greg.
06:29Well, I thought, you know, what would make you say badass
06:32or I made you a work of art?
06:34Let's reveal Andy's work of art. Here we go.
06:37LAUGHTER
06:40APPLAUSE
06:44Now, that is a badass.
06:46Also, I mean, let's look at the quality of the painting.
06:50LAUGHTER
06:50That's...
06:51That's bad, isn't it?
06:52Oh, it's just that badass.
06:54It's a badass.
06:55Yep.
06:55And it's badass.
06:57Yes.
06:58See, Emma, how this works?
07:00Go back and see that cherub,
07:02cos after all this, you're going to be like,
07:03well, my God.
07:05Stick the cherub back up for us.
07:06OK, here is the badass cherub.
07:07LAUGHTER
07:08Yeah.
07:10LAUGHTER
07:12Shit.
07:14LAUGHTER
07:15Which one would make you say badass least?
07:17It's between Jack's awful moving outfit
07:20and Emma's badass angel.
07:22Shall I be really nice and give them both two?
07:24A pair of trainers as well in that mix?
07:25Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
07:27Let him make his decision.
07:29Oh, no, he's right, though.
07:31Oh, no, he's not right.
07:32He is right.
07:33What are you doing?
07:34Well picked up on.
07:35I'll give two points to all of those people
07:36and then we'll jump up.
07:37I think we've got to reward Zaltzman.
07:39He created the correct ass for the situation.
07:43I'm going to give him five points
07:44and I'll give this merger a four.
07:45Five points.
07:46Two, two, two.
07:48Very well.
07:50Yes, let's get going.
07:52OK, let's take things to the next level.
08:10Oh, Alex.
08:12Howdy.
08:13It's gold this time.
08:16It's a nice, nice little touch.
08:18Ooh.
08:19Can I open this as task, probably?
08:24Here we go.
08:26That's what we want.
08:29Not that gold shit.
08:33Push the envelope the furthest.
08:37You have half an hour.
08:39Your time starts now.
08:42Wow.
08:43I could say some outrageous things.
08:45See if that pushes the envelope.
08:47Get myself cancelled.
08:49Is it a phrase?
08:51What?
08:51Is it rude?
08:53Like, box in the envelope.
08:59What's this pillow for?
09:00What's this supposed to do?
09:01Present my nuts on it to my wife.
09:06Have you ever pushed the envelope before?
09:08Yeah.
09:08What did he do?
09:10Um, I dressed as Spongebob Squarepants to a fancy dress party.
09:15And everyone's like, we don't do that in Guildford.
09:18And I was like, I do.
09:21You do that when I come into the room like, hey, happy Valentine.
09:27Right, I'm going to take the envelope.
09:31Excuse me.
09:34Oh, that's better.
09:35OK.
09:36Two and a half an hour or so.
09:43He was surprisingly heavily sexual from three out of five of you.
09:48You were asked to push the envelope and within seconds,
09:51Jones had compared it to a vagina, I presume.
09:54Of course!
09:57I haven't heard a phrase push the envelope ever.
10:04It could be rude!
10:07What you're saying is, if you don't understand any phrase in the English language,
10:12you assume it's sexual.
10:13Yeah.
10:14Right, fine.
10:14So, like, some people have walked past you and said,
10:18oh, a rolling stone gathers no moss, and you've gone, tell me about it.
10:21Yeah!
10:26I think we should.
10:27We're going to begin by watching Emma and Rosie push their envelopes.
10:31Oh, God.
10:32I'm going to push the envelope within myself.
10:40You're going to push the envelope within yourself.
10:42What does that mean?
10:42I'm going to eat the envelope.
10:51I am going to push the envelope the farthest.
10:55Here I go.
11:06Maybe I can get my own cooking show.
11:14Nigella meets Raymond's.
11:20You're brave!
11:26Little bit of candy.
11:35Oh, I must have to sit briefly.
11:42Right, there you go.
11:47To Greg, Taskmaster, love hearts.
11:50There's actually a letter inside, but it's private.
11:53There you go, mate.
11:55Pushed it.
11:57Change in, bottomed up!
12:02LAUGHTER
12:08LAUGHTER
12:09LAUGHTER
12:09Shall we?
12:14APPLAUSE
12:14That must have driven you over the edge, didn't it?
12:16A smoothie.
12:17LAUGHTER
12:20Well, I just hope you give her enough shit for being a smoothie girl as well.
12:23She's revealed her true colours there.
12:24She loves a smoothie.
12:25Glugged it down, didn't you?
12:27I was all willing to just eat the paper.
12:32Yeah, they made you turn it into a smoothie for your own safety.
12:35Yes.
12:35And we still need to say, you shouldn't eat an envelope,
12:38you also shouldn't drink an envelope.
12:40Yeah.
12:41You could chug it down.
12:42Is that pushing the envelope?
12:43I was pushing the envelope by pushing the envelope down my gullet.
12:53And, ultimately, out of your bop-bot.
12:56Yeah, yeah.
12:57You know what?
12:59Still a bit cold.
13:01I'm really old.
13:03LAUGHTER
13:06Emma, I will say, I thought you did great cartwheels.
13:10And you could still be in the game, because I haven't read your letter yet.
13:13Oh, my God.
13:14Letter.
13:15I don't know what I said.
13:16No-one knows what you said, because you said it was private.
13:19Oh, no.
13:20I think I was having a weird week.
13:23LAUGHTER
13:27Oh.
13:28Well.
13:29It.
13:29Is.
13:33Polite.
13:34LAUGHTER
13:35It literally says, I hope you've had a good week.
13:39LAUGHTER
13:41OK, who's next?
13:42OK, well, next up, it's A, B, C, D, Jack D!
13:55There's your envelope.
14:01How's your day going, Jack?
14:02Not as dignified as I thought it would.
14:08LAUGHTER
14:09It didn't work.
14:09I wasn't happy with that.
14:23LAUGHTER
14:26LAUGHTER
14:27LAUGHTER
14:40Oh, my God.
15:10LAUGHTER
15:15APPLAUSE
15:20All I've written is, well, that will save BAFTA some money
15:23for your in-memorandum film.
15:25LAUGHTER
15:28Yeah.
15:30And the sooner they play, the better.
15:33LAUGHTER
15:33Absolutely heartbreaking.
15:36It pushed the envelope, it made me genuinely feel quite emotional.
15:40Yeah.
15:40In total on that day, he pushed the envelope three miles.
15:44LAUGHTER
15:45I would have carried on when the crew caught up with me and said I had to stop.
15:48LAUGHTER
15:49Well, the time had run out quite a long time.
15:50About the two-mile mark the time had run out, yeah.
15:53Kept on going.
15:54Oh, nice.
15:56Right, break time.
15:58Let's end on a high with some of Alex's impressions.
16:00It's Alex's impression hour.
16:03Ready?
16:03No.
16:04Donald Trump.
16:05Hey, how are you guys?
16:07I can't do impressions.
16:08Greg Wallace.
16:09You want to eat your dinner?
16:10LAUGHTER
16:12Camilla Parker Balls.
16:14Good evening, everyone.
16:15See you in the busters!
16:18LAUGHTER
16:30Welcome back to Trustmaster, where the competitors are pushing the envelope.
16:35Oh, yes.
16:35They could do pretty much anything to impress Greg with this one,
16:38to extend the limits of what's possible.
16:40Or you could just pace about a bit with a letter in a wheelbarrow.
16:43Last up, it's Baba and Andy.
16:46All right, how do I push this thing?
16:48I could make a bowl out of it.
16:50Look, it's a bowl.
16:52Someone get me milk and cereal.
16:54Are you talking to me?
16:56Yes.
17:01Right, you little paper monstrosity.
17:03Where is it?
17:04You pathetic little failed origami pigeon.
17:06I wouldn't lick you if you were the last envelope on Earth.
17:09Where is it?
17:10Tell me where it is!
17:12How do you make cereal?
17:13Do you put the milk...
17:13You look like you put the milk in first, don't you?
17:16How very dare you!
17:17Who does that?
17:21Wanna talk now, my slightly crumpled friend?
17:27Answer the question!
17:28Answer the question!
17:32I ain't gonna eat this.
17:33I think you should eat a little bit.
17:35Nah, my guy.
17:35I don't drink cow's milk.
17:37If I drink this, you'll hear me in the toilet going, moo!
17:41You know what I'm saying?
17:41I'll really be chewing up that toilet.
17:44Maybe this will make you talk.
17:47You wanna be next?
17:49Tell me what you know.
17:50Well, God help me.
17:50I will shred you!
17:51I will shred you!
17:54Last chance.
17:55I know you wanna tell me.
17:56Talk.
17:59I knew it.
18:00I did it.
18:01I stole the life cast of Alex Horne.
18:03I shrank it and I hid it in a wooden box under a cow.
18:07I knew you'd break eventually.
18:09Here comes the aeroplane!
18:10Yay!
18:12I've got that!
18:14Nice of it!
18:16Right.
18:21There it is.
18:23It's like he's been working out.
18:25Mystery solved.
18:26I'll push that envelope good and proper.
18:32Andy, very creative.
18:35Genuinely disturbing.
18:37Thanks.
18:38I just think this show is just revealing you to be just not the person everyone thought you were.
18:44It's just not the person I thought I was, to be honest.
18:47From episode to episode, you're getting more and more terrified.
18:52That's very good, Andy.
18:53And quite the contrast, jumping from that to Baba feeding cereal into your stupid face from an envelope.
19:01Can I just say something?
19:03I pushed the envelope to its limits.
19:05I made, I made it into a bowl.
19:08I mean, it doesn't matter how emphatically you taste it.
19:13Do you scream nice in it into the face of your young children when you're feeding them?
19:16LAUGHTER
19:20LAUGHTER
19:22I do as well.
19:25LAUGHTER
19:29OK, but who pushed it the least far?
19:32Who pushed it the furthest?
19:33I feel like I'm...
19:34Do you feel like I'm a bit picked on today?
19:36I can't think how I'm going to not put you last when you did three cartwheels and then wrote me
19:40a letter asking how I was.
19:42LAUGHTER
19:44So it's one to Emma.
19:45Baba, two points.
19:47Two to you, Baba.
19:48Hmm.
19:48OK, I'm going to give Rosie three points.
19:50He won for a walk!
19:55He walked three miles and his heart's not up to it.
19:59Three to Rosie.
20:00I'm going to be led by emotion, and the one that moved me the most emotionally was Jack,
20:05pushing an envelope three miles.
20:07So four points to Andy, five points to Jack.
20:09APPLAUSE
20:13Hey, hmm, let's have a scoreboard.
20:15All right, well, the team of two, Jack and Rosie, are in joint.
20:17Second with seven points, but in the lead, it's Andy Zaltzman with nine points.
20:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:25What's next, please, Horne?
20:27Well, we're off to a scare maze.
20:55Hiya!
20:58Hiya!
21:04You look nice.
21:06Yes, bro.
21:07Come on, man.
21:07Look at that outfit, bro.
21:08I'll make this look good.
21:09I'm not going to lie to you, bro.
21:10I'm the hottest hot dog you've ever seen in your life.
21:13I agree with you.
21:13Oh, you're still talking, yeah.
21:15Come on.
21:15So whatever you do on this task will be worth twice the number of points for you.
21:19See you in a minute.
21:24Bye-bye.
21:24Bye.
21:26Carrot on your back.
21:30Take a bite out of Alex's carrot.
21:33Alex's carrot?
21:34Is that a euphemism?
21:35Is that an actual carrot?
21:38Alex will ring his bell every ten seconds.
21:41You must laugh constantly throughout.
21:44No problem, man!
21:50You must both only walk at a gentle pace.
21:53No problem, man!
21:58Fastest wins.
22:05Fastest wins.
22:07The time starts now.
22:08I will.
22:10Ha-ha-ha-ha.
22:13Ha-ha-ha-ha.
22:14Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
22:17Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
22:21HE LAUGHS
22:26HE LAUGHS
22:27HE LAUGHS
22:28HE LAUGHS
22:29HE LAUGHS
22:36You actually did look quite good in the hotline.
22:37Come on, bro, this is what I'm saying, bro.
22:40Should have brought it instead of the trainers.
22:43Let's get done with it, can't we?
22:44We're going to start with a happy Jack and a rambling Rosie.
22:50HE LAUGHS
22:50HE LAUGHS
22:52HE LAUGHS
22:53HE LAUGHS
22:56HE LAUGHS
23:25Oh, you're not Alex, are you?
23:34That's wrong, it's not even Alex, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
23:43ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
24:08ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
24:10ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
24:10ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
24:10ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
24:10ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
24:22Ha, ha, ha, ha.
24:49Ha, ha, ha.
24:51Ha, ha, ha.
24:52Ha, ha.
24:53Is that Alex?
24:55Yes.
24:56Is that you, Jack?
24:56Yeah.
24:57Where are we?
24:59Well, I know the way out.
25:00I will see you outside.
25:01Goodbye.
25:02No!
25:05Oh, bloody hell, Alex!
25:12Well, an absolute vision of hell in many ways, watching both of you go through that.
25:17Dystopian nightmare made so much worse by me realising for the first time that Rosie Jones has got Daddy written
25:24across her back.
25:27Of course I did.
25:29I felt she was relentless.
25:31Well, she was.
25:32Got me in 3 minutes 49.
25:33Oh, wow.
25:34Jack has the best laugh-to-carrot noise that I think we'll see tonight.
25:39He went, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
25:423 minutes 26 for Jack.
25:44It was a pretty close race.
25:46Just over three minutes.
25:47Mm-hm.
25:48Lovely.
25:48Now it's time to get giddy with MS city.
25:51Uh-oh.
25:52Ha, ha, ha.
25:54Ha, ha, ha, ha.
25:56Ha, ha, ha.
26:01Ha, ha, ha.
26:03Ha, ha, ha.
26:05Ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:07Ha, ha, ha.
26:08Ha, ha, ha.
26:08Ha, ha.
26:09Ha, ha.
26:10Ha, ha, ha.
26:11Ha, ha, ha.
26:14Alex!
26:14Alex! It's a doppelganger!
26:17Ha ha ha ha ha...
26:19Ha ha ha ha ha ha...
26:21Oh...
26:22You bastard! Ha ha ha ha!
26:24Ha ha ha ha-ha...
26:28Ha... ha ha ha...
26:31Hee hee hee!
26:32Ha ha ha ha...
26:35Oh, there are two bells!
26:39Ha ah!
26:41Ha ha ha...
26:42Ah
26:55Well swapping bells you bastards
27:20Hello, Emma.
27:23Really infuriating, that.
27:25That other bloke.
27:27Other bloke.
27:28No, I'm not doing that.
27:30No?
27:31Blinder.
27:32Bye-bye.
27:36I wish more people would shut him down like that.
27:40No, I'm not doing that.
27:41It works a treat.
27:43I've clearly had enough, which really worries me.
27:46How long was that?
27:47It felt like a long time, and I felt like you went from someone doing quite a fun comedy laugh
27:52to someone who could kill.
27:56And the tipping point for me was this.
27:58Ha-ha-ha-ha.
27:59He-he.
28:01All three of you walked 300 metres.
28:03They took three minutes.
28:04You took eight minutes.
28:05Could have been longer.
28:06I could have kept that going for hours, I think.
28:10There was no way you were going to catch me.
28:14Because she was going too slow.
28:17We will have fun.
28:18Ha-ha-ha.
28:20OK, time for another break.
28:21Hopefully, there will be an overseas advert that has been badly dubbed in English,
28:25so that the company could save money.
28:27Followed quickly, I hope, by a nuclear apocalypse.
28:31It's what we deserve.
28:32It's genuinely my birthday.
28:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:49Welcome back to Taskmaster,
28:51where the bellend's got a bell and he won't stop ringing it.
28:54LAUGHTER
28:56I suppose that's true.
28:57Just two people to go,
28:58and one of them's dressed as a hot dog.
29:00It's Andy Zaltzman and playing for double points,
29:02it's Bubbeton Day Uller Seou.
29:05HA HA HA HA
29:06HA HA HA HA
29:10HA HA HA HA
29:12HA HA HA HA
29:13HA HA HA HA HA HA
29:15A.
29:21HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
29:23HA HA HA HAAM
29:25HA HA HA HAQ
29:27HA HA HA HA HA HA.
29:31I got you.
29:32Yes, I got your talent, bro.
29:33I'll try it, bro.
29:35Yeah, I'm the man.
29:38I won, right?
29:58Oh, oh.
29:59Oh.
30:02BUZZER
30:05BUZZER
30:08BUZZER
30:10Can I go?
30:11I did it in 35 seconds, so...
30:13All right.
30:1510 points.
30:17Straight in.
30:18So, Andy, you get four points, but Baba, you get 10 points.
30:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
30:25One more task proper, please, small boy.
30:28I'm the man, sure thing.
30:31Ding-a-ling, get ready to check out my versatile new jacket.
30:36BUZZER
30:49BUZZER
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31:09BUZZER
31:09BUZZER
31:10BUZZER
31:15BUZZER
31:27You have a maximum of 15 minutes. Your time starts now.
31:32May I touch you?
31:38Why are you spinning?
31:40It's just the setting.
31:45Just wind up.
31:46APPLAUSE
31:50Have you got a moment just to replay what I think might be the creepiest moment in Taskmaster history?
31:59Yeah, I think I know what you mean. Here it is.
32:01May I touch...
32:0718 series and I've never felt a shudder like it.
32:10LAUGHTER
32:12What is wrong with that?
32:15It's about consent.
32:18Yeah!
32:19It is about consent.
32:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:24Thank you!
32:26First to locate the locket, it's Jack and Bubba.
32:30OK, so I'm thinking there's going to be some sort of locket in one of those pockets.
32:36Yeah, yeah.
32:38Is that the locket?
32:40No, it's lipstick.
32:41Do I put it there?
32:41Yeah, I'll put it here.
32:43What's this?
32:43Chinese five-spice.
32:45Chinese five-spice.
32:47There's nothing in there other than that.
32:52It's a bloody raisin.
32:54OK, stop.
32:57Pow!
32:57Found the locket yet?
32:58No, that's a dog biscuit.
33:01What's in here?
33:01Nope.
33:02It's the bloody locket.
33:04Pow!
33:08You take a lot of stuff around with you, don't you?
33:11Yep.
33:11108 pockets.
33:13I can see.
33:13Another locket.
33:14Pick up yourself.
33:16No, that's nothing else.
33:18That's just a bag of...
33:20That's my bag of yellow, yeah.
33:21Bag of yellow.
33:22Mm-hm.
33:23Fair enough.
33:26Pick up yourself.
33:29Don't trust sound people or make-up artists.
33:33Mm-hm.
33:34That's a bit bad, isn't it?
33:35I trust sound people or make-up artists.
33:37Why wouldn't you?
33:38You shouldn't.
33:39Yeah, good advice, thank you.
33:40Mm-hm.
33:41But not what we're after.
33:42Right.
33:43Keys!
33:44What do I open this with?
33:46Ah, this might be it.
33:48No, it's a compass.
33:49It's a compass with my name on it.
33:51Babatunde.
33:52Hey, it says my name on it.
33:53Come on.
33:53There's a picture of me.
33:55Yeah.
33:55Nice.
33:56I've just got a couple of things with your names on it.
33:58That's very thoughtful.
34:00All my days with this stupid-ass rocket, mate.
34:03Getting on my nerves.
34:05Stone with Y written on it.
34:06Ah.
34:07Things are starting to annoy me.
34:09The rockets?
34:09Too many of them.
34:10Why have you got milk?
34:11Thirsty.
34:12Yuck!
34:13It's an I.
34:14Mm-hm.
34:15So...
34:15Yeah.
34:17Hey!
34:19Pick the locket from the pocket.
34:22That's a padlock.
34:23Oh, for goodness sakes.
34:24A man ain't one.
34:25What the hell?
34:26Five and a half minutes left.
34:28I find this locket.
34:29Oh, the pebble.
34:30So it spells you.
34:31Right.
34:32I don't think that's got any relevance.
34:34Right.
34:34Okay.
34:35Yeah.
34:35I found the other eye, though.
34:37There you go.
34:42The locket is in your pocket.
34:44The locket is in your pocket.
34:46No, it ain't.
34:47I'm gonna lock it in my pocket.
34:57Yeah.
34:58How do you do that?
34:59You're, like, David Copperfield now, are you?
35:02And there's a piece of hair in there as well.
35:04You've got my own hair.
35:04That's...
35:05That's...
35:05Okay.
35:06Well, I should treasure that.
35:12I mean, these of you thought there might be a faster way of doing this.
35:16Just went route one.
35:17How are we supposed to know that there was a locket in our pocket?
35:20I realised after this because someone took my jacket to do something and I should've...
35:24Yeah.
35:25You know, trustingly, I said, yeah, of course, thank you.
35:27I thanked them.
35:28I thanked them.
35:30Do you want to know how many pockets they picked?
35:31Yes, please.
35:32Baba Tunde, 41 incorrect pockets.
35:35Jack, 70.
35:38Would you like to see Rosie Jones' Locket Adventure?
35:41Let's go.
35:41Rosie Jones.
35:42I don't think it's in this, cos that would be obvious.
35:53Who can I pick that one?
35:58Don't trust sound people or make-up artists.
36:06Well, you don't need to tell me that.
36:10I think all pieces of shit is in your pocket.
36:18You said no, but I don't trust you.
36:32You guys want it?
36:34Yeah.
36:34Right.
36:40Oh, is it on me?
36:45Oh, my God.
36:50You sneaky bugger.
36:56Well done, Rosie.
36:58Don't trust anyone.
37:01I did wrong.
37:07I'm just going to make it clear that when Rosie was told
37:11not to trust sound and lighting people, she said, and I quote,
37:14You don't need to tell me that.
37:16They're all pieces of shit.
37:21I mean it!
37:23Yes!
37:25And you then went on to blatantly steal money from a sound man's wife.
37:31Yes!
37:32Neil was lying to me.
37:36The least they could do was robbing.
37:43He wasn't lying to you.
37:45It was fast, surely.
37:46Well, it's all about the number of pockets picked.
37:48Yes.
37:48Five of Neil's, five of her own, three of mine, so 13 in total.
37:5213 in total.
37:5213 in total.
37:55We're stopping again.
37:56One part left to go, and at the end of it,
37:58someone will stroll proudly out of the studio,
38:01carrying a sculpture of a cherub wearing sunglasses
38:04and a painting of a banged-up donkey.
38:06This isn't the cheese dream.
38:08We're all being paid for this.
38:10LAUGHTER
38:11We'll see you in part four.
38:16APPLAUSE
38:26Welcome back.
38:26It's part four, and Alex has a stupid jacket on.
38:30It's not stupid, actually.
38:31You're stupid.
38:32Lee attractive.
38:34LAUGHTER
38:36Yes, I...
38:37They have to find the locket
38:39by picking the fewest pockets possible.
38:41Two left.
38:41It's Andy and Emma.
38:44OK, I'm just going to take a second.
38:49The Taskmaster's locket.
38:51Doesn't necessarily...
38:51It's one of your pockets, though, is it?
38:53Are there clues in your pockets?
38:55All I do is spin round.
38:56OK.
38:58So, there's bits of paper in some of these pockets, by the looks of it.
39:01Are you peeking?
39:02Overviewing.
39:02Peaking is...
39:04That's a specific pocket, I'd say.
39:06All right.
39:14Well, some action.
39:16There's a great big statue of the Taskmaster outside.
39:19Hmm.
39:20Can that count as a locket?
39:21It's not a locket and it wasn't in a pocket, Andy.
39:24OK, I think I'm going to have to pick a pocket.
39:27Excuse me.
39:29So, that appears to be Richard Herring on a red fish.
39:35Half your time gone.
39:39Chinese five spice.
39:40Yeah.
39:41It's the spice for me.
39:43Right, I need an alternative pocket again.
39:45How many minutes have I got left?
39:46Four and a half.
39:46Four and a half.
39:47OK.
39:47I'll use it wisely.
39:50LAUGHTER
39:52You've got three minutes, Andy.
39:57Right.
39:58I found a pineapple and some string.
39:59Was it in a pocket?
40:00Well, not yet, but I could put it in a pocket.
40:03From that one.
40:03Jack, two points for you.
40:05Three to Bubba.
40:06Four to Rosie.
40:06But five to Emma City.
40:08Congratulations.
40:11You.
40:12Let's see the scoreboard.
40:13Yes, please.
40:13Well, I think the hot dog helped.
40:15Bubba's on the top with 17 points.
40:20Well, that's everyone.
40:21Will you please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show?
40:30Who will be losing the task of the final task, Bubba?
40:34OK.
40:36Gather a herd of animals with exactly 22 legs.
40:41You may not harm any animals.
40:44You may only use animals on either side of this wall
40:49and you may not use each other.
40:52On Alex's whistle,
40:54you must hurl one of your herd over the wall.
40:57When your herd has 22 legs,
41:00only then may you don your tutus.
41:03First team in tutus wins.
41:04Each of them have six animals on their bench.
41:08Right.
41:09And that's where the herd lives.
41:10You've got a flamingo with one leg,
41:12a kangaroo with two,
41:13a sick dog with three legs,
41:15Patatas the cat with four legs,
41:17a monster there with...
41:18You've got to throw something every 15 seconds.
41:21That's when I'll blow the whistle.
41:22If you don't do the maths correctly within the 15 seconds
41:25and another animal comes over
41:26and you've missed the tutu opportunity,
41:28it carries on.
41:28Got it.
41:29Good luck.
41:30Right, choose your animals.
41:31We're going for three.
41:32OK, well, maybe don't say it out...
41:37Pick up an animal.
41:38Get ready to throw.
41:39You're going to be throwing on the whistle.
41:40Three, two, one.
41:41BUZZ
41:43Lovely.
41:43Put that on the bench.
41:45That's 22.
41:46That's 22.
41:48BUZZ
41:49BUZZ
41:53BUZZ
41:53Toss complete.
41:54Done.
42:11BUZZ
42:11With the final score.
42:14APPLAUSE
42:18What a glorious anticliminal.
42:22Maybe one of my favourite tasks ever.
42:25It's really made the scoreboard interesting.
42:27Because a team of three gets five points each for that.
42:29The team of two, zero.
42:31Oh!
42:33And the winner is...
42:34BUZZ
42:35BUZZ
42:35With 22 points!
42:36Yes!
42:37Yes!
42:38Yes!
42:39BUZZ
42:40BUZZ
42:40BUZZ
42:42Please, bowl up to brandish your badass belongings!
42:50So, what have we learnt from today's show?
42:53We've learnt that Taskmaster, it's a silly old show, really,
42:56but at times, it has the capacity to move.
42:59The haunting image of Jack Dee strolling heroically into the sunset,
43:04his destination unknown, pushing that envelope,
43:07will forever be etched on all of our minds.
43:11And let's also not forget Baba's nuts on a pillow.
43:16And here he is again tonight, cos he's the winner,
43:19it's Baba Tunde Alessi!
43:20Thank you!
43:21Thank you!
43:30Thank you!
43:41Thank you!
43:42Thanks, Henry.
43:44That was odd.
43:44Thank you!
43:45Thank you!
43:46We had the process over yeah now!
43:47Just the end of camera on our next efforts!
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