- 19 hours ago
Taskmaster - S18E04 - Im a Girl Who Likes a Clean Line [Full Movie] [Ranked]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:16I
00:16Mean you're useless
00:34The answer to the question where can I say an overweight but dashing man get a feckless weasel with a
00:41wonky tooth to torture his peer group for pointless tasks
00:44Channel 4 that's where silly let's meet them now
01:03I
01:03Next to me a man who says that he loves to holiday in Wales because it is so beautiful
01:09But longs for the day when its people are driven into the sea
01:22Hello, Greg
01:24I've got your present. Thank you. Do you like cars?
01:27Do I get do you yes? Good. Oh, do you like Greg Davis?
01:33Barely stop looking in the mirror
01:35Well, I think you'll like genuine personalized number plates
01:47First size I'm a plate for Greg Davis does it say Gary Davis
01:57Surprised us today this time they've brought in the thing most likely to make you say war Christ now that
02:05is butter
02:10Badass
02:11Yes, sure we've all probably said badass and sure we've all probably had badass, but Greg wants to see something
02:17That makes him say it like he means it and that will result in five really really big points you
02:23Emma City. Yes. How are you gonna make me say now that is badass?
02:27This is something that I own
02:31It's very precious to me, and I think it speaks for itself
02:35React to this Greg. Okay. I know what I've got to say if it doesn't elicit the response here we
02:41go
02:41I
02:43I
02:50Nothing
02:53Now that is badass
02:54I
02:56Hate it. I find it religiously insensitive. Yes
03:01I think God and Jesus would love that
03:13Think any of the big three would like that
03:15I think it's horrible. Yeah, you should be ashamed
03:22Yo, are you gonna make me say why this is badass 100%? Well, how's your footwear nowadays bro?
03:28You've got your sock game on on lock. I won't lie. Yeah, I got something that better than these shoes
03:34100% way better than your shoes
03:40He's gonna get you these shoes Greg. All right
03:43Nike Air Force One let me tell you something. Yeah, so now when you come to like the ends, right?
03:49You wear white air forces when I come to the ends the ends bro watch top boy, bruv, okay?
03:57There's a lot of work for me to do before I can say these are badass
04:02All you need to do is just rock up with a pair of white air forces, but this is the
04:05thing you can't just rock up with a pair
04:07Air forces, right? You've got a laugh, but the laugh has to be smooth. You've got to be like
04:15What situations am I gonna do this in brother?
04:18I'm just trying to inject some youth into you. You're the one that's turned like what did you say like
04:2175?
04:22It feels like
04:24Feels like it, but I don't know whether I'm gonna feel more useful if I go into any situation and
04:29go
04:31With a pair of white trainers. I'm not gonna lie, that laugh was good though
04:35Yeah, and it felt good
04:36Hello, Rosie
04:37Oh, yeah
04:38What have you brought in?
04:39So I brought in something and then I've also brought in a promise
04:48Mmm
04:49Ooh
04:50Ooh
04:51Let's dance
04:53Well, there's nothing more bad at that than a tattoo
04:59I got two, one, two
05:02And I got a third one
05:05Here
05:06Here
05:08Yeah
05:11APPLAUSE
05:12And I'm thinking you've heard of it
05:14Wow, that's quite badass
05:16So the promise is if you don't award me quite highly
05:27Yeah
05:27I'll do it again
05:30LAUGHTER
05:34Good, thank you, Rosie
05:36Jack
05:37Yeah
05:38Are you badass?
05:39I'm unpopular in the world of hip-hop and rap
05:42And so I borrowed something from a rapper, a friend of mine
05:46And he sent me one of his outfits
05:49And he's pretty famous as well, so I...
05:53You draft it up?
05:53No, I'll give you the name, he's called TK Maxx
05:56LAUGHTER
05:59I know that guy
06:00Yeah
06:00And he just said, whatever you need, I'm sending it to you
06:03Greg, is this badass?
06:06LAUGHTER
06:08Er, no
06:10That would be the outfit I would wear
06:13If I was unloading an angel from the back of a van
06:16LAUGHTER
06:19Anyway, it's your choice
06:21I've made my julies
06:23It is not badass
06:25Only Andy Zaltseman can save us
06:27Those are dangerous words, Greg
06:29Well, I thought, you know, what would make you say badass
06:32Oh, I made you a work of art
06:34Let's reveal Andy's work of art
06:36Here we go
06:37LAUGHTER
06:41APPLAUSE
06:42APPLAUSE
06:44Now, that is a badass
06:46Also, I mean, let's look at the quality of the painting
06:49LAUGHTER
06:51That's...
06:51That's bad, isn't it?
06:52Oh, it's just that badass
06:53It's a badass
06:55Yeah
06:55And it's badass
06:56Yes
06:57See, Emma, how this works?
06:59LAUGHTER
07:00Go back and see that cherub
07:02Cos after all this, you're going to be like, well, my God
07:04Stick the cherub back up for us
07:06OK, here is the badass cherub
07:08LAUGHTER
07:08Yeah
07:10LAUGHTER
07:11LAUGHTER
07:12Shit
07:13LAUGHTER
07:15Which one would make you say badass least?
07:17It's between Jack's awful moving outfit and Emma's badass angel
07:22Shall I be really nice and give them both two?
07:24Pair of trainers as well in that mix?
07:25Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
07:27Let him make his decision
07:29LAUGHTER
07:30Oh, no, he's right, though
07:31No, he's not right!
07:32He is right!
07:33What are you doing?
07:34Well picked up on
07:35I'll give two points to all of those people and then we'll jump up
07:37I think we've got to reward Zaltzman
07:39He created the correct ass for the situation
07:42I'm going to give him five points and I'll give this merger a four
07:45Five points
07:46Two, two, two
07:47Very well
07:48APPLAUSE
07:50Yes, let's get going
07:52OK, let's take things to the next level
07:55MUSIC PLAYS
08:10Hi, Alex
08:11Howdy
08:13It's gold this time
08:15It's nice, nice little touch
08:18Ooh
08:19LAUGHTER
08:20Can I open this as task, probably?
08:23Here we go
08:25That's what we want
08:28Not that gold shit
08:31LAUGHTER
08:33Push...
08:34Push the envelope the furthest
08:37You have half an hour
08:39Your time starts now
08:42I could say some outrageous things
08:44See if that pushes the envelope
08:46Get myself cancelled
08:48Is it a phrase?
08:51What?
08:51Is it rude?
08:53Like
08:55Pushing the envelope
08:57LAUGHTER
08:59What's this pillow for?
09:00What's this supposed to do?
09:02Present my nuts on it to my wife
09:04LAUGHTER
09:06Have you ever pushed the envelope before?
09:07Yeah
09:08What did he do?
09:10Erm
09:10I dressed as Spongebob Squarepants
09:13To a fancy dress party
09:15And everyone's like
09:16We don't do that in Guildford
09:18And I was like, I do
09:21I do that when I come into the room
09:22Like, hey
09:24Happy Valentine's
09:25LAUGHTER
09:27Right, I'm going to take the envelope
09:31Excuse me
09:34Oh, that's better
09:35OK
09:35Two and a half an hour or so
09:43You were surprisingly heavily sexual from three out of five of you
09:48You were asked to push the envelope and within seconds Jones had compared it to a vagina, I presume
09:53Of course
09:55LAUGHTER
09:57I haven't heard a phrase push the envelope ever
10:04Ever
10:04It could be rude
10:06What you're saying is
10:08If you don't understand any phrase in the English language
10:11You assume it's sexual
10:13Yeah
10:14Right, fine
10:14So like, some people have walked past you and said
10:18Oh, a rolling stone gathers no moss
10:19And you've gone, tell me about it
10:21Yeah
10:21LAUGHTER
10:26I think we should
10:27We're going to begin by watching Emma and Rosie push their envelopes
10:31Oh, God
10:32I'm going to push the envelope within myself
10:40You're going to push the envelope within yourself, what does that mean?
10:42I'm going to eat the envelope
10:51I am going to push the envelope the farthest
10:57Here I go
11:06Maybe I can get my own cooking show
11:13Nigella meets Raymond's
11:20You're brave
11:25WAAAHHHHHH
11:26A little bit of cabinet
11:28LAUGHTER
11:31GOOSE
11:32GOOSE
11:35GOOSE
11:36GOOSE
11:36GOOSE
11:37GOOSE
11:38GOOSE
11:39GOOSE
11:39GOOSE
11:41GOOSE
11:43GOOSE
11:44GOOSE
11:45Right, there you go
11:46To Greg
11:47Taskmaster
11:49Love Hearts
11:49There's actually a letter inside
11:51But it's private. There you go, mate. Pushed it.
11:57Change in, bottomed up.
12:09Shaylee.
12:14That must have driven you over the edge, didn't it? A smoothie?
12:18LAUGHTER
12:19Well, I just hope you give her enough shit for being a smoothie girl as well.
12:23She's revealed her true colours there. She loves a smoothie.
12:25You glugged it down, didn't you?
12:27I was all willing to just eat the paper.
12:32Yeah, they made you turn it into a smoothie for your own safety.
12:35Yes, and we still need to say, you shouldn't eat an envelope,
12:38you also shouldn't drink an envelope.
12:40LAUGHTER
12:40If you chug it down, is that pushing the envelope?
12:43I was pushing the envelope by pushing the envelope down my gullet.
12:53And, ultimately, out of your bop-bot.
12:56Yeah, yeah.
12:57You know what?
12:59Still a bit cold.
13:03LAUGHTER
13:06Emma, I will say, I thought you did great cartwheels.
13:10And you could still be in the game, because I haven't read your letter yet.
13:13Oh, my God.
13:14Letter.
13:15I don't know what I said.
13:16No-one knows what you said, because you said it was private.
13:19Oh, no.
13:21I think I was having a weird week.
13:27Oh.
13:28Well.
13:29It.
13:29Is.
13:33Polite.
13:34LAUGHTER
13:36It literally says, I hope you've had a good week.
13:39LAUGHTER
13:40Oh.
13:41OK, who's next?
13:42OK, well, next up, it's A, B, C, D.
13:45Jack D!
13:50BUZZER
13:50BUZZER
13:51BUZZER
13:53BUZZER
13:54BUZZER
13:54BUZZER
13:55BUZZER
13:55BUZZER
13:55BUZZER
13:55BUZZER
13:56BUZZER
13:56BUZZER
14:00BUZZER
14:01BUZZER
14:01How's your day going, Jack?
14:02Not as... önemfied as I thought it would.
14:07BUZZER
14:08That didn't work. I wasn't happy with that.
14:13MUSIC
14:19BUZZER
14:20BUZZER
14:24BUZZER
14:47Oh, my God.
14:55Oh, my God.
15:30And the sooner they play, the better.
15:34Absolutely heartbreaking.
15:36It pushed the envelope.
15:37It made me genuinely feel quite emotional.
15:40Yeah.
15:40In total on that day, he pushed the envelope three miles.
15:44LAUGHTER
15:45I would have carried on when the crew caught up with me
15:47and said I had to stop.
15:49Well, the time had run out quite a long time.
15:50About the two-mile mark, the time had run out, yeah.
15:53Kept on going.
15:54Oh, nice.
15:56Right, break time.
15:58Let's end on a high with some of Alex's impressions.
16:01It's Alex's Impression Hour.
16:03Ready?
16:03Donald Trump.
16:05Hey, how are you, guys?
16:07I can't do impressions.
16:08Greg Wallace.
16:10You want to eat your dinner?
16:11Come in at Parker Bowles.
16:14Good evening, everyone.
16:15See you in the Bastards.
16:16I can't do impressions.
16:24APPLAUSE
16:29Hello, guys.
16:30Welcome back to Trustmaster,
16:32where the competitors are pushing the envelope.
16:34Oh, yes.
16:35They could do pretty much anything to impress Greg with this one
16:38to extend the limits of what's possible.
16:40Or you could just pace about a bit with a letter in a wheelbarrow.
16:43Last up, it's Bubba and Andy.
16:46All right, how do I push this thing?
16:48I could make a bowl out of it.
16:50Look, it's a bowl.
16:52Someone get me milk and cereal.
16:54Are you talking to me?
16:56Yes.
17:01Right, you little paper monstrosity.
17:03Where is it, you pathetic little failed origami pigeon?
17:06I wouldn't lick you if you were the last envelope on Earth.
17:09Where is it?
17:10Tell me where it is.
17:12How do you make cereal?
17:13Do you put the milk...
17:13You look like you put the milk in first, don't you?
17:15Always milk first.
17:16How very dare you?
17:17Who does that?
17:21Want to talk now, my slightly crumpled friend?
17:27Answer the question!
17:28Answer the question!
17:32I ain't got to eat this.
17:33I think you should eat a little bit.
17:35Nah, my guy.
17:35I don't drink cow's milk.
17:37If I drink this,
17:38you'll hear me in the toilet going,
17:40moo, you know what I'm saying?
17:41I'll really be chewing up that toilet.
17:44Maybe this will make you talk.
17:46Huh?
17:47You want to be next?
17:48Tell me what you know.
17:50Well, God help me.
17:50I will shred you.
17:51I will shred you.
17:54Last chance.
17:54I know you want to tell me.
17:56Talk.
17:59I knew it.
18:00I did it.
18:01I stole the life cast of Alex Horne.
18:03I shrank it,
18:04and I hid it in a wooden box
18:06under a cow.
18:07I knew you'd break eventually.
18:09Here comes the airplane.
18:10Yay!
18:13Come on, come on!
18:14Nice, isn't it?
18:16Right.
18:21There it is.
18:22It's like he's been working out.
18:25Mystery solved.
18:26I'll push that envelope good and proper.
18:33Andy, very creative.
18:35Genuinely disturbing.
18:38Thanks.
18:38I just think this show is just revealing you to be
18:41just not the person everyone thought you were.
18:44It's not revealing me to be not the person I thought I was.
18:47From episode to episode,
18:48you're getting more and more terrified.
18:52It's very good, Andy.
18:53And quite the contrast,
18:54jumping from that,
18:56to Baba feeding cereal
18:59into your stupid face from an envelope.
19:02Can I just say something?
19:03I pushed the envelope to its limits.
19:05I made it into a bowl.
19:08I mean, it doesn't matter how emphatically you take it.
19:13Do you scream nice, innit,
19:14into the face of your young children
19:15when you're feeding them?
19:23I do as well.
19:29OK, but who pushed it the least far?
19:32Who pushed it the furthest?
19:33I feel like I'm...
19:34Do you feel like a bit picked on today?
19:36I can't think how I'm going to not put you last
19:38when you did three cartwheels
19:40and then wrote me a letter asking how I was.
19:44So it's one to Emma.
19:46Baba, two points.
19:47Two to you, Baba.
19:48Hmm.
19:48OK, I'm going to give Rosie three points.
19:50He won't, Baba, walk!
19:53LAUGHTER
19:54He walked three miles and his heart's not up to it.
19:59Three to Rosie.
20:00I'm going to be led by emotion
20:01and the one that moved me the most emotionally
20:03was Jack pushing an envelope three miles.
20:07So four points to Andy, five points.
20:09APPLAUSE
20:13Hey, hmm, let's have a scoreboard.
20:15All right, well, the team of two, Jack and Rosie,
20:17are in joint.
20:17Second with seven points,
20:19but in the lead, it's Andy Zaltzman with nine points.
20:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:25What's next, please, Horne?
20:27Well, we're off to a scare maze.
20:55Hiya!
20:58Hiya, Rosie.
21:01Man-like.
21:03Hello, Baba.
21:04Hey.
21:05You look nice.
21:05Yes, bro.
21:06Come on, man, look at that outfit, bro.
21:08I'll make this look good.
21:09I'm not going to lie to you, bro.
21:10I know, I'm the hottest hot dog you've ever seen in your life.
21:13I agree with...
21:13Oh, you're still talking, yep.
21:15Come on.
21:15So whatever you do on this task
21:16will be worth twice the number of points for you.
21:18See you in a minute.
21:20BELL RINGS
21:20Bye.
21:21BELL RINGS
21:24Bye-bye.
21:24Bye.
21:25It's a carrot on your back.
21:27BELL RINGS
21:30Take a bite out of Alex's carrot.
21:34Alex's carrot, is that a euphemism?
21:35Is that an actual carrot?
21:38Alex will ring his bell every ten seconds.
21:42You must laugh constantly throughout.
21:49You must both only walk at a gentle pace.
21:53No problem, man.
21:58Fastest wins.
22:05Fastest wins.
22:07The time starts now.
22:36You actually did look quite good at the hot dog.
22:37Come on, bro.
22:39This is what I'm saying, bro.
22:40Should have brought it instead of the trainers.
22:43Let's pick up with it, can't we?
22:44We're going to start with a happy jack and a rambling rosie.
23:04I'm going to start with a happy jack so you can play.
23:05We're going to be right back.
23:11Go on, wait.
23:13Let's go.
23:16We're going to be right back.
23:16This is what I'm saying.
23:24Oh, you're not Alex, are you?
23:27Oh, fuck.
23:29You're not Alex!
23:34That's wrong.
23:36It's not even Alex.
23:38Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
23:45ha, ha,
24:02ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
24:09ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
24:10ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
24:10ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
24:10ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
24:10ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
24:16Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
24:46Oh, oh, oh.
24:53Is that Alex?
24:55Yes, is that you, Jack? Yeah.
24:57Where are we?
24:59Well, I know the way out. I will see you outside. Goodbye.
25:02No!
25:05Oh, bloody hell, Alex!
25:10LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
25:12Well, an absolute vision of hell in many ways,
25:15watching both of you go through that.
25:17Dystopian nightmare made so much worse
25:20by me realising for the first time
25:22that Rosie Jones has got Daddy written across her back.
25:26LAUGHTER
25:27Of course I did.
25:29I felt she was relentless.
25:31Well, she was. Got me in 3 minutes 49.
25:33Oh, wow.
25:34Jack has the best laugh-to-carrot noise
25:37that I think we'll see tonight.
25:39He went...
25:423 minutes 26 for Jack. It was a pretty...
25:45Oh. Pretty close race.
25:46Just over three minutes. Mm-hm. Lovely.
25:48Now it's time to get giddy with Emma City.
25:51Uh-oh.
25:52Ha-ha-ha...
25:54Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
25:56Ha-ha-ha-ha...
25:58Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:01Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:03Ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:05Ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:06Ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:08Ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:11Ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:12Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:13Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:13Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:15It's a doppelganger!
26:16Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:19Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:21Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:27Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:31Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
26:35Oh
26:57Swapping bells you bastards
27:02Me
27:20Hello
27:22Really infuriating that
27:25other bloke
27:27other bloke
27:28No, I'm not doing that
27:30No?
27:31Blinder
27:32Bye-bye
27:36I wish more people would shut him down like that
27:39No, I'm not doing that
27:41It was a treat
27:43I've clearly had enough, which really worries me
27:46How long was that?
27:47It felt like a long time and I felt like you went from someone doing quite a fun comedy laugh
27:52to someone who could kill
27:56Yeah
27:57And the tipping point for me was this
27:58Ha ha ha ha
28:01All three of you walked 300 metres
28:03They took three minutes, you took eight minutes
28:05Could have been longer
28:06I could have kept that going for hours
28:08There was no way you were going to catch me
28:14Because
28:15Because she was going too slow
28:16We will have fun
28:18He he he he he
28:19OK, time for another break
28:21Hopefully there will be an overseas advert
28:23that has been badly dubbed in English
28:25so that the company could save money
28:27Followed quickly, I hope, by a nuclear apocalypse
28:30It's what we deserve
28:32It's genuinely my birthday
28:47Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster
28:51Where the bellend's got a bell and he won't stop ringing it
28:56I suppose that's true
28:57Just two people to go
28:58And one of them's dressed as a hot dog
29:00It's Andy Zaltzman and playing for double points
29:02It's Bubbaton Day
29:02or Al Koffol
29:05Ha ha ha
29:08Ha ha ha
29:10Ha ha ha
29:12Ha
29:12Ha
29:13Ha ha ha ha
29:16Ha ha ha
29:18Ha ha ha ha
29:23Ha ha ha ha
29:25Ha ha ha
29:26Ha ha ha ha
29:28Eh-eh-eh-eh-eh!
29:31I got you. Yes, I got your challenge, bro.
29:33I'll try it, bro.
29:34Uh-huh!
29:35Yeah! I'm the man!
29:38I won, right?
29:58Oh
30:10Got it, but did it in 35 seconds, so
30:17So Andy you get four points, but Baba you get ten points
30:28I'm the man sure thing thing-a-ling get ready to check out my versatile new jacket
30:51Can I help no, I'm on I'm on a turntable Jack mm-hmm spinning around
30:59Not really though, are you? You're turning round
31:04Oh look, it feels a bit personal
31:08Whoo!
31:09Pick the Taskmaster's locket from its pocket
31:12Every time you pick an incorrect pocket you must high-five Alex
31:17If you touch, temper with or peek into a pocket you must pick it
31:21V-A-W-I-S-P-O-K-I-T-P-I-C-T-W-I-N-S
31:27You have a maximum of 15 minutes your time starts now
31:31May I touch you?
31:38Why are you spinning?
31:40It's just the setting
31:43Ugh
31:44Just wind up
31:49Have you got a moment just to replay what I think might be the creepiest moment in Taskmaster history?
31:59Yeah, I think I know what you mean. Here it is
32:01May I touch you?
32:0718 series and I've never felt a shudder like it
32:11What is wrong with that?
32:15It's about consent
32:18Yeah!
32:19It is about consent
32:24Thank you!
32:26First to locate the locket, it's Jack and Bubba
32:29OK, so I'm thinking there's going to be some sort of locket in one of those pockets
32:35Yeah, yeah
32:38Is that the locket?
32:40No, it's lipstick
32:40Do I put it there?
32:41Yeah, I'll put it here
32:42What's this?
32:43Chinese Five Spice
32:45Chinese Five Spice
32:47There's nothing in there is other than that
32:52Bloody raisin
32:53OK, stop
32:56Bow!
32:57Found the locket yet?
32:58No, that's a dog biscuit
33:00OK
33:01What's in here?
33:01Nope
33:02It's the bloody locket
33:04Bow!
33:08You take a lot of stuff around with you, don't you?
33:11Yep
33:11109 pockets
33:12I can see
33:13Another locket
33:14Pick up yourself
33:15No, that's nothing else
33:18That's just a bag of
33:20That's my bag of yellow, yeah
33:21Bag of yellow
33:22Fair enough
33:26Pick up yourself
33:29Don't trust sound people or makeup artists
33:34That's a bit bad, isn't it?
33:35I trust sound people or makeup artists
33:37Why wouldn't you?
33:38You shouldn't
33:39Yeah, good advice, thank you
33:40Mm-hmm
33:40Not what you're after
33:42Right
33:43Keys
33:44What do I open this with?
33:46Ah
33:46This might be it
33:47No, it's a compass
33:49It's a compass with my name on it
33:51Babatunde
33:52Hey, it says my name on it, come on
33:53There's a picture of me
33:54Yeah
33:55Nice
33:55I've just got a couple of things with your names on it
33:58That's very thoughtful
34:00All my days with this stupid-ass rocket, mate
34:03Getting on my nerves
34:05Stone with Y written on it
34:06Ah
34:07Things are starting to annoy me
34:08The rockets?
34:09Too many of them
34:10Why have you got milk?
34:11Thirsty
34:12Yuck
34:12It's an eye
34:14Mm-hmm
34:14So
34:16Yeah
34:17Hey
34:19Pick the locket from the pocket
34:21That's a padlock
34:23Oh, for goodness sakes
34:24A man ate one
34:25What the hell?
34:26Five and a half minutes left
34:28I find this locket
34:29Left
34:29Oh, the pebble
34:30So it spells you
34:31Right
34:31I don't think that's got any relevance
34:34Right, okay
34:35Yeah
34:35I found the other eye though
34:36Ah
34:37There you go
34:42The locket is in your pocket
34:44The locket is in your pocket
34:45No it ain't
34:46I've got no locket in my pocket
34:56Yeah
34:58How do you do that?
35:00David Copperfield now are you?
35:02And there's a piece of hair in there as well
35:04Yeah, I've got my own hair
35:04That's...
35:05That's...
35:05Okay, well I should treasure that
35:08APPLAUSE
35:12I mean, these of you thought there might be a faster way of doing this
35:16Just went route one
35:17How were we supposed to know that there was a locket in our pocket?
35:20I realised after this because someone took my jacket to do something and I should have
35:24Yeah
35:25You know, trustingly I said, yeah, of course, thank you
35:27I thanked them
35:28I thanked them
35:30Do you want to know how many pockets they picked?
35:31Yes, please
35:32Baba Tunde, 41 incorrect pockets
35:35Jack, 70
35:36Would you like to see Rosie Jones' Locket Adventure?
35:41Let's go
35:41Rosie Jones
35:42I don't think it's in this
35:48Cos that would be obvious
35:53Who can I pick that one?
35:58Don't trust sound people
36:03Or make-up artists
36:05Well, you don't need to tell me that
36:10They've got pieces of shit
36:13Is it in your pocket?
36:18You said no, but I don't trust you
36:32You guys want it?
36:33Yeah
36:34Right
36:34You guys want it?
36:39Oh is it on me?
36:44Oh my God
36:50You sneaky bugger
36:55Well done, Rosie
36:57Don't trust anyone
37:00Anyone
37:06I just want to make it clear that when Rosie was told not to trust sound and lighting people she
37:13said and I quote
37:14You don't need to tell me that they're all pieces of shit
37:25And you then went on to blatantly steal money from a sound man's wallet
37:32Yeah, Neil was lying to me
37:36At least they could do what's robin
37:43He wasn't lying to you
37:44Of course
37:44It was fast, surely
37:46Well, it's all about the number of pockets picked
37:48Yes
37:48Five of Neil's, five of her own, three of mine, so 13 in total
37:5213
37:5213
37:5313
37:54Thank you
37:55We're stopping again
37:56One part left to go
37:57And at the end of it
37:58Someone will stroll proudly out of the studio
38:01Carrying a sculpture of a cherub wearing sunglasses
38:04And a painting of a banged-up donkey
38:06This isn't a cheese dream
38:08We're all being paid for this
38:11We'll see you in part four
38:13APPLAUSE
38:25Well and back, it's part four and Alex has a stupid jacket on
38:29It's not stupid actually, you're stupid
38:33Li-attractive
38:34LAUGHTER
38:35Yes, they...
38:37They have to find the locket by picking the fewest pockets possible
38:40Two left, it's Andy and Emma
38:44OK, I'm just going to take a second
38:49The Taskmaster's locket
38:51Doesn't necessarily, it's one of your pockets though, is it?
38:53Are there clues in your pockets?
38:55All I do is spin round
38:56OK
38:58So there's bits of paper in some of these pockets by the works of it
39:00Are you peeking?
39:01Overviewing
39:02Peeking is...
39:04That's a specific pocket, I'd say
39:05All right
39:07LAUGHTER
39:10LAUGHTER
39:12LAUGHTER
39:14Well, some action
39:16There's a great big statue of the Taskmaster outside
39:19Hmm
39:20Can that count as a locket?
39:21It's not a locket and it wasn't in a pocket, Andy
39:24OK, I think I'm going to have to pick a pocket
39:27Excuse me
39:29So that appears to be Richard Herring on a red fish
39:35Half your time gone
39:39Chinese five spice
39:40It's the spice for me
39:43Right, I need an alternative pocket again
39:45How many minutes have I got left?
39:46Four and a half
39:46Four and a half, OK
39:47I'll use it wisely
39:52You've got three minutes, Andy
39:57Right, I found a pineapple and some string
39:59Was it in a pocket?
40:00Well, not yet
40:01But I could put it in a pocket
40:02From that one
40:03Jack, two points for you
40:05Three to Bubba
40:05Four to Rosie
40:06But five
40:07To Emma City
40:08Congratulations
40:11You
40:12Let's see the scoreboard
40:13Yes, please
40:13Well, I think the hot dog helped
40:14Bubba's on the top with 17 points
40:20Right, everyone
40:21Will you please make your way to the stage
40:22For the final task of the show
40:31Who will be leading the task of the stage?
40:33OK
40:36Gather a herd of animals with exactly 22 legs
40:41You may not harm any animals
40:44You may only use animals on either side of this wall
40:49And you may not use each other
40:51On Alex's whistle
40:53You must hurl one of your herd over the wall
40:57When your herd has 22 legs
41:00Only then may you don your tutus
41:02First team and tutus wins
41:04Each of them have six animals on their bench
41:08And that's where the herd lives
41:10You've got a flamingo with one leg
41:12A kangaroo with two
41:13A sick dog with three legs
41:15Patatas the cat with four legs
41:17A monster there with six
41:18You've got to throw something every 15 seconds
41:21That's when I'll blow the whistle
41:22If you don't do the maths correctly within the 15 seconds
41:25And another animal comes over
41:26And you've missed the tutu opportunity
41:27It carries on
41:28Got it
41:29Good luck
41:30Right
41:30Choose your animals
41:31We're going for three
41:32OK, well, maybe don't say it out
41:37Pick up an animal
41:38Get ready to throw
41:39You're going to be throwing on the whistle
41:40Three
41:40Two
41:41One
41:43Lovely
41:43Put that on the bench
41:45That's 22
41:53That's 22
41:53Task complete, done
42:00Wow, they did it
42:02Well, not many people would be brave enough to say it
42:04I will
42:05The show's been great
42:06That was rubbish
42:10Come down here, we'll add that to the final score
42:18What a glorious anticlimax
42:21I'm talking about
42:22Maybe one of my favourite tasks
42:25It's really made the scoreboard interesting
42:27Because a team of three gets five points each for that
42:29The team of two
42:30Zero
42:31Oh
42:32And the winner is
42:34Baba
42:35With 22 points
42:36Yes
42:36Yes
42:37Yes
42:38Yes
42:39Baba Tunde and Pache wins
42:42Please
42:42Bowl up to brandish your badass belongings
42:50So, what have we learnt from today's show?
42:53We've learnt that Taskmaster, it's a silly old show really
42:56But at times it has the capacity to move
42:59The haunting image of Jack Dee strolling heroically into the sunset
43:04His destination unknown
43:05Pushing that envelope will forever be etched on all of our minds
43:11And let's also not forget Baba's nuts on a pillow
43:15And here he is again tonight
43:18Because he's the winner
43:18It's Baba Tunde Alessi!
43:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:44Thank you
43:45Thank you
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