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Taskmaster - S15E06 - It's My Milk Now [Full Movie] [Trending]Full EP - Full
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00:02Brace! Brace!
00:03I'm bracing!
00:12No, no, no, no, no!
00:18No!
00:23Ah!
00:25What?
00:34APPLAUSE
00:37Hello!
00:38Hi, everyone, Javis. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:41Spoiler alert, I don't know everything.
00:43I don't know how the pyramids were built.
00:46I can't explain nuclear fusion.
00:48I don't know what butter is. What is it? No-one knows, really.
00:50Off milk? Try spreading off milk on your kids' toast.
00:53They'll be off school for a fortnight, you idiot!
00:55So, why would five comedians risk everything to win a trophy
00:59that doesn't look like anyone?
01:01It's not me. I've had a beard for five years.
01:03It doesn't matter.
01:04The point is, we don't need to know the answer to everything.
01:08Sometimes we just need to...
01:10..drink it in.
01:11So, please, raise your glasses...
01:15..to Frankie Boyle!
01:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:17I'm Rob Brayan!
01:19Julia Clare!
01:21Kyle Smith-Coinel!
01:23And Mae Martin!
01:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:29And next to me, the chips to my fish,
01:32the nut to my bolt,
01:33the toilet bowl to my heavy-beef lunch.
01:37It is!
01:40Little Alex Hall!
01:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:44Hello, Greg. You all right? Yeah.
01:46Do you want to get any of ice pie?
01:47Yes, please.
01:48OK, well, let's play.
01:51What sort of pie is this?
01:53It's an ice...
01:55It's an ice pie, isn't it?
01:57You've got a guess to filling.
01:58That's the game?
01:59That's the game.
02:00And then we crack it open and find out if you're right.
02:03It's really wet.
02:04LAUGHTER
02:05OK, I think it's a chicken pie.
02:07It is a chicken pie.
02:08OK.
02:08He's won ice pie!
02:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:12On with the prize task.
02:14For today's prize task,
02:16you demanded the comedian's brought in
02:17the best thing to play about with in your bathroom.
02:20The winner of the episode is guaranteed
02:22some seriously top-level bathroom fun.
02:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:26Hi, and I'll start with you.
02:27What do you like playing with in your bathroom?
02:29I like playing with a piano.
02:32Here it is.
02:35LAUGHTER
02:37Does it drown out unfortunate sounds?
02:40Um, it depends how high you turn it up.
02:43So you're saying you could provide the soundtrack to the moment?
02:47Is that what...? You call it the moment?
02:49Do you not call it the moment?
02:50He's always called it the moment.
02:52What tunes could a man play on this piece of tat?
02:54Oh, we're talking three blind mice...
02:57LAUGHTER
02:59Um...
02:59End of sentence.
03:01LAUGHTER
03:02LAUGHTER
03:03Shit!
03:05LAUGHTER
03:05That is...
03:07That is a disappointing start.
03:10LAUGHTER
03:10May?
03:11Well, I guess if people stay around my house,
03:15I want them to have a very exciting and thrilling time,
03:17and I like to live on the edge dangerously.
03:20So I've made a toothpaste Russian roulette.
03:25Here's a picture of it.
03:27Toothpaste Russian roulette.
03:28OK, so...
03:29There's different things in each tube.
03:31So one has mayonnaise, one has cream cheese,
03:33one has face cream and one has toothpaste.
03:35Oh!
03:35I've never felt such danger as brushing my teeth with cheese.
03:39LAUGHTER
03:40OK.
03:41Quite fun, though.
03:42It's fun and you've made an effort.
03:45Yeah.
03:45Yeah.
03:46LAUGHTER
03:47Frankie!
03:48You know how when you have a bath,
03:50you set up a lot of candles, you create an atmosphere?
03:53Why not...
03:54One does.
03:55LAUGHTER
03:56Why not...
03:57Why not use that atmosphere to contact the dead...
04:02LAUGHTER
04:03..with a laminated Ouija board
04:05specifically designed to contact the dead members
04:08of the group, the Bee Gees.
04:10LAUGHTER
04:11LAUGHTER
04:12Wow.
04:13Here is Frankie's waterproof Bee Gees Ouija board.
04:17LAUGHTER
04:19LAUGHTER
04:22APPLAUSE
04:24APPLAUSE
04:26APPLAUSE
04:27I really like it, Frankie.
04:29I probably shouldn't. I do, though.
04:30And I'm a big fan of the Bee Gees.
04:32R.I.P. R.I.P.
04:33Hello, Barry.
04:36Hi, fam.
04:37Greg, I've brought in a prize task that combines a lovely bit of music,
04:43a lovely bit of danger and even a little bit of death.
04:46It's a scale model of the Titanic.
04:49And here it is.
04:51LAUGHTER
04:52LAUGHTER
04:53LAUGHTER
04:54Come on, Greg.
04:56God.
04:56Don't you want to bathe with her?
04:58LAUGHTER
04:59I don't want to recreate one of the worst maritime disasters in history.
05:05But you don't have to recreate it.
05:07You can keep your scale model of the Titanic afloat in the bar.
05:10Afloat?
05:10That's the beauty of the prize task.
05:12God.
05:12You can change history for the better.
05:14I don't think you can change history.
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18Hello, Jenny.
05:19Hello, boys.
05:20Hello.
05:21Hello, both.
05:22I don't know whether either of you or any of my teammates here are
05:26clenchers or grinders. The world does divide.
05:29Clencher or grinder?
05:30Grinder.
05:31Grinder.
05:32Grinder.
05:32I'm a clencher, terrible clencher,
05:35and this is a charming mouth brace I have to wear at night.
05:37And I can put...
05:40Have you lost your mind?
05:43LAUGHTER
05:44OK.
05:45So, I start like that, like...
05:47..and it's disgusting.
05:49And you can now get it properly cleaned.
05:52So, on the market, there's this digital brace cleaner that you can get.
05:57In short, Jenny has brought in a dental pod.
06:00Yeah.
06:01I know what she's brought in.
06:03LAUGHTER
06:03Have some fun in the bathroom.
06:06LAUGHTER
06:06OK.
06:08They also are quite expensive, and I haven't treated myself to one.
06:12I thought, if I ask them to get me one on this, I'll go home with it.
06:15LAUGHTER
06:16Even if I don't win.
06:18If I don't win.
06:19You're going to have to judge this, Greg.
06:21Jenny's definitely helped me out.
06:22Yes.
06:23One point for Jenny and Claire.
06:25LAUGHTER
06:25Two points to May.
06:29Three to Ivo, I think.
06:31Right.
06:31Four to Kyle.
06:33So, Frankie Boyle takes the five points.
06:34With a Ouija board.
06:35Frankie Boyle, five points.
06:37Frankie Boyle.
06:41OK, let's have a poppy task.
06:42Yes, I know.
06:44I agree.
06:45OK, here is a task right now.
07:02Hello.
07:03Hello.
07:03Hello, everyone.
07:04Anyone have a seat?
07:07Mmm.
07:09Two chairs.
07:10That's a bit ominous.
07:11Oh, I've got a heart.
07:14What's all this about?
07:17LAUGHTER
07:22Invent an imaginary companion.
07:26I do that every day.
07:28Then complete a domestic task with your imaginary companion.
07:32Your imaginary companion must either be much taller or much littler than you.
07:36Most poignant scene wins.
07:39Interesting criteria.
07:40You have 20 minutes.
07:41Your time starts now.
07:43Have you ever had an imaginary friend?
07:45Yep.
07:45Who wore the same jacket?
07:47LAUGHTER
07:49It's really just a dramatic scene with just myself.
07:53How much any story of a 49-year-old man with an imaginary friend is going to have a certain
07:58poignancy.
07:58What are you thinking?
08:00Wash it up.
08:01It's a poignant.
08:02If I can get a tear out, that's got to be worth a point.
08:05Would the thought so?
08:06Yeah.
08:06OK.
08:07Do I want this fragile-headed, tall bloke or a tiny little knife in my pocket then?
08:14I've got to keep in my bra like a bone.
08:16There we go.
08:17It's in there.
08:18Wow.
08:18So, are we off to the kitchen?
08:20Sure.
08:21I'll be in the kitchen.
08:23Are you all right in there?
08:24You're right in there, aren't you?
08:25You're all right in there.
08:26OK, we're going to go for a little walk to the kitchen.
08:28Come on.
08:29Let's do that.
08:34I might ask you why never at any point did you seek to open the oven door?
08:41Choosing to let him carry on burning.
08:45Cheaper than a cremation.
08:49Um, May, heartbreaking.
08:51The only thing that slightly brought me out of the narrative,
08:55and perhaps moved me away from the great tragedy, just for a beat,
08:58was the notion that Salvatore used to, and I quote, rock your body.
09:04I'd like more people at funerals to give speeches about how they were going to miss the sex.
09:08No!
09:09No!
09:12OK, hold up.
09:13That's the end of part one, and my chance to find out what it's like to sit on someone's lap.
09:18See you soon.
09:19No.
09:19No.
09:19Not...
09:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
09:31Hello!
09:33Welcome back to Taskmaster, and the conclusion of our imaginary friend, Task.
09:37Did you have an imaginary friend, Alex?
09:39No, Greg.
09:40They never wanted to hang out with me, but I didn't care because I had wood lice.
09:45LAUGHTER
09:46But, yes, the current task involves creating a poignant scene
09:50with either a very small or a very tall imaginary friend.
09:52We've had three smalls, but now it's time for a biggie with Jenny Eclair.
09:58LAUGHTER
09:59Oh, Eddie, you're so funny.
10:01You make me laugh all the time.
10:03We have such fun together, don't we?
10:06I mean, I know we don't always see eye to eye.
10:09That's not really possible, is it?
10:11Well, you've been reached so tall and all that.
10:15This is quite hard and hot work.
10:18Gosh, I could do with a cold drink or something like that.
10:23Hold on.
10:24Ice-cream!
10:25Oh!
10:26Ez!
10:26Your head!
10:31Oh!
10:33Oh!
10:40I've got another imaginary friend now!
10:42Oh!
10:42Oh, ah!
10:45Oh, eh...
10:47I'm sorry!
10:50Oh- a02...
10:51And here, I get another imaginary friend now!
10:56Oh!
10:58APPLAUSE
10:59APPLAUSE
11:04I'm not sure I've ever felt less moved
11:09I've changed my mind to have my little bra friend and then I don't know what happened
11:18There's not a court in the land that wouldn't convict you of murder there
11:23Next up it's Ivo
11:27What could be nicer hot summer's day a couple of lads cleaning their cars
11:35Make sure you're thorough look
11:39Really get every bit there you see oh
11:44It's looking great. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of us
11:50Most people wouldn't give their imaginary friend their own set of wheels and one day
11:54We're gonna go on the sweetest road trip together
12:00Not in the same car driving side by side
12:04Singing each other songs through our windows
12:08And you'll be so
12:18What about our road trip?
12:22You teach them to wash their car and then they just drive off into the sunset without you
12:29If you love something, set it free
12:39In many ways more tragic because your friend chose to leave you
12:47Yes, I'd draw on some powerful real experience
12:52Speaks to a certain level of social status though doesn't it when your imaginary friend has a car
13:01Who's in last place Greg? I'm gonna give Jenny two points
13:04Oh, thank you because I did do I did enjoy the act of of
13:08Beheading and I'm gonna go up to Kyle. It was a poignant setup. I didn't I
13:12Wasn't as moved at the end. I can't at the back of my head. I think he might have lived
13:18Okay, three points to Kyle may and Ivo I would probably give four points to because when Frankie shouted Jesus
13:25Christ
13:27I actually out loud went oh my god, and therefore he must take the five point
13:31There we go
13:37Let's see a scoreboard. All right. Well, he's not won an episode yet, but currently a maximum score of ten.
13:44It's Frankie Boyle in the lead
13:51What's next Alex it's time for breakfast
14:08Oh
14:10Oh my favorites
14:12Eggs
14:14Good morning
14:15Hi, I said something funny about an egg
14:21May I you may
14:26Efficiently shell an egg you may not touch any part of any egg with your hands
14:31I thought it's gonna be pretty simple for a while. Yeah
14:35And you may only break the shell of one of the eggs
14:40What does that mean? Why have I got all these eggs if I'm only doing one egg? That's a great
14:45question
14:47Fewest pieces of eggless shell wins
14:50Why is this so confusing?
14:52Fewest pieces of eggless shell
14:54I'm going to go into Phil crisis here. I just don't understand what's been asked of me
14:58Right
14:59I'm not thick. Okay. Okay
15:01I'll write that down
15:03So do you understand the task? Not really Alex. No
15:06So you've got to get a shelf an egg? That's about right
15:10Do you have a maximum of ten minutes your time starts now?
15:18I've seen to be some collective confusion over this task there. Yes all five of them
15:23Were you surprised that they didn't understand the task? Completely. Yeah
15:26They couldn't use their hands. They had to peel the egg in a few pieces as possible
15:30We gave them a choice of eggs because that might be important. It might not write that then
15:39Here we go
15:42Some of these eggs aren't going to break are they? Some of them are not real eggs
15:46Okay
15:50Just sort of test the weight
15:52That's quite a sensible thing to do isn't it
15:54They all sound real to me
15:56How were they?
15:57All roughly the same weight
16:00Fused pieces of eggless shell
16:03Eggless shell
16:04You've taken a shoe off
16:05Yeah
16:07Well what about if I had a tea towel
16:10And an egg in it
16:12And I wouldn't be touching it with my hands
16:14I'd be touching it with the
16:21Right, okay
16:25Were you aiming for the middle of the egg?
16:27Yes I was
16:28Can I use a practice egg?
16:29Well all I can say, Hybo, is that all the information is on the task
16:35So if I get that egg out
16:38Oh, right
16:41Eggless shell?
16:42Yep
16:43How much of the time?
16:44Three minutes 44 left
16:45Seriously?
16:46Mm-hmm
16:47Let's get the rest of this out
16:54It's just going to be three pieces
16:55Are you sure?
16:56Yeah
16:57Mm-hmm
17:03We're definitely keen that you shell an egg
17:04Yeah
17:09That's quite a crunchy bit of egg you're eating
17:10I'm going to stop it
17:11Shut up
17:16Doesn't feel good, does it?
17:17Putting it in my mouth
17:19Or just a knife
17:22It's Thai sliver shell
17:28Like it's turning into so many bits of small shell
17:31I can hear them
17:33That's a nice big bit
17:36Now what are you doing?
17:38Nothing
17:38Just finishing off my egg
17:42Another crunchy bit
17:49Thanks Jenny
17:50Right
17:51I'm a bit egged out now
17:58Well, first things first Jenny
17:59Why did you take your shoe off?
18:01I just wondered whether I could do something with a shoelace
18:04I don't know why
18:07I mean, normally I see you as, you know, quite a person of action
18:11You normally think, right, I'll have a go at this
18:12But you just seem lost for a long time
18:15I think the only good thing I did in that ten minutes
18:18Was keep both of my shoes on
18:21Why did you try to work out the weight of the eggs?
18:23What did you think was going on with the eggs?
18:25Well, I don't think even the successful shellers amongst us
18:30Will have provided any answer as to why there were five eggs
18:33Oh, one of them has
18:35Well, several
18:38Me and Jenny
18:41Over in Thick-O-Corner
18:43Jenny and I
18:49Thick-O-Corner
18:53I can't believe I'm being told off by Jenny for ruining our friendship
18:57And told off by Alex for using bad grammar at the same time
19:00It's really gone badly, hasn't it?
19:03Well, look, I had the slightly sad job of having to count the pieces afterwards
19:06And Ivo, 13 pieces of eggshell
19:09Jenny, 20 pieces
19:10And that's not including the pieces you ate
19:12Yeah, which were many
19:14All right, then it's time for Kael and Frankie
19:17I've got to somehow select the hardest egg
19:21You're looking for a hard egg?
19:22I'm looking for the hardest possible egg
19:32What about that?
19:34Mmm
19:40I think, I think this one is up for it
19:43I had an idea
19:44Maybe the hard-boiled egg will sink furthest to the bottom
19:50What's your method, Kael?
19:51Uh, pick it up and drop it
19:55That one had a better slow trajectory
19:57What do people normally use?
20:02To do this?
20:02Yeah, spoon
20:03Okay
20:07Or this
20:07And this
20:09Ah
20:13What have you found?
20:14I don't know what that is
20:18Ooh
20:18That to me seems quite hard
20:22Oh
20:22Get it
20:28Right
20:32I don't really understand how that's covered
20:34So that's the egg you've chosen, is it?
20:35Yeah
20:36This is the moment
20:49There we go, all right
20:56I mean I don't think I've seen anyone peel an egg this badly
21:01I think I'm smashing this
21:03I think I'm smashing this
21:03Is that a pun?
21:05No
21:06No
21:08No, that's better
21:10What do you know?
21:11It kind of came together at the end there
21:14Finished?
21:15Yeah
21:16Tells about that
21:20Bye-bye
21:27Thank you, did your drop an egg in the water system help much?
21:31No
21:31Er, I think I hadn't entirely understood the task
21:36And also
21:37I stopped caring
21:40That's very much true
21:41That would be true
21:41And erm
21:42Welcome to Thick O' Corner
21:44You are welcome
21:45LAUGHTER
21:47Kyle accidentally found the solution
21:49Which is you're looking for a raw egg
21:50Because then you can get the egg out in one
21:51You can make a little hole and blow the egg out in one
21:54Yeah
21:55I'm not going to be blowing the egg out
21:56But you nearly did blow the egg out
21:57You did a good job
21:58Using some drawing implements
21:59I did have to count all the little bits
22:01There were six little bits
22:02But that's a lot fewer than Frankie who had 83
22:06LAUGHTER
22:10Right, and that is the end of part two
22:12All good things must come to an end, my auntie always says
22:14She remains to this day
22:16One of the most boring human beings I've had a misfortune to spend time with
22:19See you in a bit
22:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
22:29Hello, we're back
22:31It's the third part of tonight's show
22:33And once again we find ourselves in the company of eggs
22:35Hi
22:35Is something funny about an egg?
22:38Yes
22:39The current task
22:41Involves efficient shelling
22:42They can't use their hands
22:44Only one egg
22:45Can be touched
22:46And fewest pieces of egg shell wins
22:50Here's May's attempt
22:52OK
22:53I'm just going to take my shoes and socks off
22:55Yes, yeah, me too
22:57OK
22:58Are you allowed to put them on the floor for me?
23:00Yeah, OK
23:05It looks like I'm wanking off an egg with my foot
23:08That's a bit
23:09Oh God, it really does
23:10No, fuck this
23:11OK
23:11OK
23:12And now I'm going to put my mouth on them
23:18Hmm
23:20Mm-hmm
23:23So would you prefer to work with a boiled egg or an unboiled egg?
23:28Mm-hmm
23:29I'm going to get a pin and then I'm going to hope it's a raw egg and I'm going to
23:34make a pin size hole
23:37Right?
23:39I'm not sure this is the way
23:43Well, that's the way
23:48You've pretty much finished the task
23:51OK, I'm going to get the rest of the egg out
23:55I mean, I don't know why I had my feet and my mouth involved and I could have used any
24:00utensil
24:03Fewest pieces of eggless shell, if I'm being completely honest, there's three
24:08Yeah, I think you should be
24:10I'm done
24:11Yeah
24:11Three
24:12Three
24:13Three
24:19What does it say?
24:21Frankie, Frankie, Jenny, Frankie, Frankie?
24:25What does that mean?
24:27Well, I presume Jenny's boiled?
24:30No, Jenny was the raw one
24:32Yeah, cos Frankie
24:33Frankie and Benny
24:35No, what?
24:39Frankie boil
24:40Yeah, that's infuriating
24:42APPLAUSE
24:50What was the plan when your shoes and socks came off?
24:52Oh, I was going to use my feet to expertly shell it
24:56I don't know
24:58You're going to peel the egg with your toes?
24:59I feel nauseous from watching that
25:01Like, that was...
25:02We've all been quite traumatised
25:04Yeah, I don't know if you can tell, like...
25:06But the pin idea was amazing
25:08Oh, the pin idea was amazing, yeah, yeah
25:09But then, a happy accident, right?
25:11It was a very happy accident
25:12Like Kyle, really
25:13And it worked
25:15Just the three pieces
25:15They've definitely won
25:16Should we just score it and move on?
25:18Let's just agree
25:19It's been the worst...
25:21Task
25:22And the worst response to the task
25:24In 15 series
25:26And let's move on
25:27By some distance
25:28By some distance
25:31APPLAUSE
25:35And yet, Frankie gets a point
25:36Jenny 2
25:37I vote 3
25:37Kyle 4
25:38But May Martin 5 points
25:39APPLAUSE
25:40You have to be
25:44Do I dare ask for another?
25:46Thankfully, we do have another one
25:47And I've been busy doing a spot of landscaping
25:50MUSIC PLAYS
25:57MUSIC PLAYS
25:59MUSIC PLAYS
26:01MUSIC PLAYS
26:03MUSIC PLAYS
26:05LAUGHTER
26:07LAUGHTER
26:09LAUGHTER
26:09LAUGHTER
26:11This looks great
26:11Yeah, it's an improvement
26:12Yeah
26:13Ball and ball?
26:15Uh-huh
26:15Right
26:16Oh, do the...
26:18Open the task
26:18Yep, that's the first task
26:20LAUGHTER
26:21Bash the big bell with the bowling ball
26:24Fastest gets five points
26:26Slowest gets four points
26:27Nobody else gets any points
26:31Interesting
26:31You must stay off the grass
26:33Unless you're wearing gold shoes
26:37If anything other than the bowling ball
26:38Or gold shoes touches the grass
26:40You are disqualified
26:41You have a maximum of 20 minutes
26:43The time starts...
26:46Now
26:46APPLAUSE
26:49APPLAUSE
26:51Pretty straightforward
26:51I'm looking forward to just getting on with it
26:53Crack on
26:54All right, first up to give it a bash
26:55Are Jenny and May
26:57Oh, no
26:58I'm not going to be able to do that
27:00Well, it might hit
27:03No, now you can't reach it
27:04No, I've got to find some golden shoes
27:07Gold shoes
27:08Well
27:09Just going to have a look for some golden shoes quickly
27:11OK
27:15I found one
27:16Oh, well done
27:17Yeah
27:17That didn't take long
27:18That pineapple's calling to me
27:21That pineapple's calling to me
27:24LAUGHTER
27:28There's a golden shoe
27:29Is there another one?
27:32They normally come in pairs
27:33They do normally
27:36There's no gold shoe in here, is there?
27:38But where's the other golden shoe?
27:40Who found the golden spray
27:42They lent me a kicking shoe
27:44I'm going to gold spray it
27:46Yeah
27:50No!
27:51No!
27:53Why would they do that?
27:57I only have one
27:58So what's the plan?
28:01Go on one foot
28:01Can you do that?
28:03Yeah
28:03Ooh
28:06I think I can
28:10They're so golden
28:11That's more like it
28:13Golden shoes
28:23How's it feel?
28:25Scary
28:29Yep
28:30I'm allowed on the grass
28:32In my golden shoes
28:34Kicking the ball
28:36With my golden shoes
28:38Ooh
28:39Bloody hell
28:43I've stopped the clock
28:44Come on!
28:46Come on!
28:47Yeah!
28:48I've stopped the clock
28:58I think if you ever decide you want to do pantomime that would serve as a very good audition tape
29:02So you were literally cackling like a lunatic
29:06I'm not very good with children en masse
29:11Why didn't you pick up the ball at any point?
29:17Why would you say that now?
29:22You both did really well
29:25Jenny bashed the bell in 3 minutes 40
29:273 minutes 40?
29:28If you got the right paint first time round you would have beaten May who got 2 minutes 57
29:32So you both did extremely well
29:34Good start
29:34Well done
29:36Good start
29:36Good
29:38Two big bell bangers now
29:41It's Kael and Frankie
30:03I should try to hit it before I do this shouldn't I?
30:10May I have your shoes?
30:13You want my shoes?
30:14Yeah
30:21Alex will give you his shoes if you do one of the following
30:24Deposit £100 in this bank account
30:26Give him a perfect dippy boiled egg
30:28With buttered soldiers
30:29And a glass of milk
30:31Physically remove them
30:36How's it going Frankie?
30:37Well
30:37I took an assessment of my bowling ability
30:41I thought time to make me some gold shoes
30:57You know it's not terrible
30:59I saw a McMahon
31:00Its pretty safe
31:01I threw home
31:01I think
31:05Woah
31:08Woah
31:20sz Spy
31:21Come On!
31:24Yes!
31:25Ah!
31:29BUZZER
31:31BUZZER
31:33BUZZER
31:35BUZZER
31:38Did you bash the bell? Yeah!
31:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:45What was your plan when you were rolling up the green?
31:49You were sort of pawing at Alex like a cartoon cat in a...
31:52I thought I could wrestle him to the ground and take his shoes.
31:57LAUGHTER
31:58I didn't expect to see Frankie Boyle creeping across a green
32:02with two swing ball bats.
32:04Swing ball bats or golden snowshoes?
32:08LAUGHTER
32:10Yeah. Yellow.
32:11We all know it's not gold. It is yellow.
32:13Yellow.
32:14Well, what is gold?
32:16Gold is a deep, lustrous yellow or yellow-brown colour.
32:20That was neither.
32:20Only the fastest and the slowest gets points here.
32:24And it's interesting.
32:25May, of course, 2 minutes 57.
32:27Jenny, 3 minutes 40.
32:29That's not relevant now, Jenny, because...
32:31Frankie, 6 minutes 50 is the slowest.
32:34Kyle, 3 minutes 45.
32:35So, also not relevant.
32:36Other than Frankie one end, May the other,
32:38if we allow the gorgeous golden shoes on Frankie's feet.
32:42LAUGHTER
32:42We'll carry on the gold-yellow debate after the break.
32:45Right. Nearly there. Only one part to go.
32:47A task to be finished.
32:48A studio task.
32:49And then a winner.
32:50A winner of Nanny's Dental Pod.
32:53LAUGHTER
32:53Lance Taskmaster!
32:56APPLAUSE
33:05Hello!
33:06Welcome back to the last part of tonight's show.
33:08Forgive me if I'm wrong, Alex, but isn't there still a big bell
33:12to be bashed with a bowling ball?
33:13Ooh, bang on, big boy.
33:15But they can't walk on the grass unless they're wearing golden shoes.
33:19We've isolated one player.
33:22Or should I say, I-vo-lated.
33:24It's Mr Graham again.
33:25Here we go.
33:29What if it doesn't come back?
33:31You can't live your life like that.
33:38LAUGHTER
33:47I've got to leave the complex, really.
33:49No, I've got to get the gold shoes.
33:51Ah, OK.
33:52Can I wear those gold shoes?
33:54Thank you very much.
33:55For sure.
33:56Alex will give you his shoes if you do one of the following.
33:58Deposit £100 in his bank account,
34:01give him a perfect dippy boiled egg with buttered soldiers
34:04and a glass of milk, physically remove them.
34:16Yes, the egg isn't totally submerged.
34:22It's not got long.
34:23Seven minutes.
34:26Oh, this is disgusting.
34:28What I'm doing is disgusting.
34:32Good for an omelette.
34:34It's cost us another four minutes.
34:38The stench of failure hangs over this task.
34:41Failure and egg.
34:43Two minutes left.
34:45Another big moment now.
34:47Yes!
34:48Beautiful.
34:50Hello.
34:51Hello, Alex.
34:53Ooh.
34:55Lovely.
35:0030 seconds.
35:00I've lured you with a bad egg.
35:15That was my milk.
35:18It's my milk now.
35:26What's always your plan just to attack him when he came near?
35:29My plan...
35:30I didn't really have a plan.
35:31I did want to commit some sort of physical assault,
35:33but I was also seduced by the romance of trying to cook
35:36the perfect dippy egg.
35:37It did take him about 17 minutes to boil an egg,
35:40but that's in your favour, because if you're the last person,
35:42you get four points.
35:43Yeah.
35:44And he did complete the task with 16 seconds to go.
35:48Really neat stuff, actually.
35:52Well, then.
35:53Well, then.
35:53Well, then.
35:54So, it looks like May gets the five and Ivo gets the four.
35:58Right.
35:59But it is worth doing one last check.
36:01Remember, if anything touches the grass,
36:03other than golden shoes, you're disqualified.
36:08Your time starts now.
36:15Can I have a look in the bar?
36:16Well, you're not allowed to stand on grass.
36:22Don't step on the...
36:25Ah!
36:26What's happened?
36:28Nothing.
36:30Don't go on the grass!
36:31What?
36:36So close!
36:37So close!
36:38So close!
36:38So close!
36:42So close!
36:44Ivo, you also put the podium on the grass.
36:47Please don't take my four points with three other people
36:49getting zero away from me.
36:52The only things that went on the grass that were golden
36:55were the shoe over here,
36:57and the shoes over here.
37:01I'm really throwing myself fully behind yellow isn't gold now.
37:07What I would say is that if we just qualify Frankie,
37:10then May is both the fastest and the slowest,
37:12and we'll get nine points.
37:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:17Frankie, I loved your gold shoes.
37:20Beautiful.
37:21So everyone's perfectly happy with the golden bats now.
37:24Yeah, I love them.
37:25I'm not.
37:28Sorry, May.
37:28I'm going to allow it.
37:30OK.
37:30Congratulations.
37:31Frankie, you get four points.
37:32May, Martin, another five points.
37:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:37Let's take a look at the scores.
37:39May's on 16 and Frankie's on 15.
37:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:45Well, will you please make your way to the stage
37:47for the final task of the show?
37:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:55Who can read the task out? Alex?
37:57Ivo Graham is going to read the task out.
38:02Walk around the chairs listening to Greg's story.
38:06Then sit on a chair when you hear a word containing two letter Ls.
38:12If you stop walking or touch a chair incorrectly,
38:15you are disqualified.
38:17If you fail to sit on a chair when you hear a word containing
38:20two letter Ls, you are disqualified.
38:23Best listener wins.
38:25So, it's basically going to be like musical chairs,
38:27but instead of music, it's going to be Greg reading a story to you.
38:30There are four stories and each story will have a different rule.
38:33So, it's two Ls in the first story.
38:36Oh, man.
38:38Please read the first story and walk when he talks.
38:41The sun was setting.
38:44The light was magical.
38:46And the water lapped to the shore of the lake.
38:50Right, said Greg.
38:52Get your clothes off.
38:54You're going in.
38:55I don't want to, said the scrawny, sausage-shaped man.
39:00I need you to retrieve the stone I just threw in, whispered Greg noisily.
39:06It's one of my favourite stones, I think.
39:10And...
39:12..so...
39:15..little Alex Horne.
39:27You did that very badly.
39:29Very, very badly.
39:31You missed.
39:32You missed.
39:33You missed.
39:33You missed.
39:36Kyle first struck a chair, so was pretty much disqualified,
39:39and then just walked over to me.
39:41Greg, what's the rule for the next story?
39:43The next story, you should sit down when you hear a word with a U in it.
39:48Off we go.
39:48Story two.
39:50In the morning, I like to have a pot of coffee and a slice of cake.
39:57Little Alex Horne brings them in when I ring my little bell.
40:01I let him wear his yellow cape if he is a very lucky boy.
40:08BUZZER
40:15BUZZER
40:16Frankie Boyle shoulder-barging Jenny Eclair.
40:21Are you OK, Jenny?
40:23I can't believe that happened.
40:25Can we remove a chair?
40:26Yeah.
40:27Would you...
40:28LAUGHTER
40:28LAUGHTER
40:31This time, you should sit down when you hear a word
40:34that starts and ends with the same letter.
40:37These are the clothing rules.
40:39The taskmaster expects those around him to adhere to at all times.
40:45One.
40:45The shirt should be tucked in.
40:47Really tucked in.
40:49Right in.
40:50Two.
40:52LAUGHTER
40:54I mean, Ivo was following, but there was no words there that started and ended with the same letter.
40:59We've lost Frankie Boyle.
41:00Frankie, we've lost him.
41:02APPLAUSE
41:03As soon as the Boyle bottom went, mine was swiftly following.
41:07LAUGHTER
41:09This is the final, Greg.
41:11Right, this time you should sit down when you hear a six-letter word.
41:14Are you ready?
41:15Yes.
41:16OK.
41:17I don't remember much about that fateful night.
41:19It was cold.
41:21The moon was full, I know that.
41:22Not an idiot.
41:24And I can't be held responsible for the terrible accident that happened
41:28to little Alex Hall.
41:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:34We have a winner.
41:35Little's got six records.
41:37APPLAUSE
41:40Come down here.
41:42We'll see how that's affected the final scores.
41:46APPLAUSE
41:51Very good. Well, that was exciting, I thought.
41:55Yes, Kyle was the worst listener, but the best was Mae Martin with five points
41:59and that does mean this episode has been won by Mae Martin!
42:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:04Again, 21 points.
42:08There we go.
42:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:12Mae Martin wins.
42:14Please go and back your bathroom booty!
42:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:20What have we learnt today?
42:22If you ever find yourself lying in bed alone and you get a pleasant feeling
42:26that you maybe haven't felt for a long time, relax.
42:29It's good news.
42:31Salvatore lived and you're about to get your body rocked.
42:35LAUGHTER
42:36Please clap once again for the winner of tonight's show,
42:39it's Mae Martin!
42:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:05MUSIC
43:07MUSIC
43:08MUSIC
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