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Taskmaster - S18E01 - The Faceless Facilitators [Full Movie] [Latest Version]Full EP - Full
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00:00.
00:16I mean, you're used to say this.
00:30APPLAUSE
00:33Hello!
00:34Hello!
00:35Thank you!
00:36I'm Greg Davies.
00:37Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:39Daddy's back, and he's got five naughty children
00:42who need to sit on the naughty step.
00:44Let's hope they behave themselves and do well in the task,
00:47because...
00:48Papa has big slippers and a hair-trigger spanking arm.
00:51LAUGHTER
00:58Here we go.
00:59Please welcome our five formidable fighters.
01:01They are...
01:02Andy Zantzman!
01:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:05Baba Tunde Alashe!
01:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:09Emma Sidney!
01:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:12Jack Dee!
01:13And Rosie Dole!
01:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:18And sitting next to me, a man who secretly confessed to me
01:22that he finds all women's sport slow, boring and undignified.
01:27LAUGHTER
01:28It's a lovely car!
01:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:33Hi, Greg.
01:34Hi.
01:34Well, look, I thought we should go mad at the beginning
01:37and have a game of charades.
01:38Yeah?
01:39Yeah.
01:39You up for that?
01:40Yep.
01:40OK, here we go. This is the only one.
01:42Ooh, look.
01:43Hmm.
01:44OK.
01:45Can of beans, yeah.
01:46Ooh, look, there's Jack Dee.
01:48Ooh.
01:49But also, watch this, huh?
01:51Hello, Greggy!
01:51Ooh!
01:53What is it?
01:55LAUGHTER
01:57They can say anything at all.
01:58We can say anything!
02:00Anything.
02:01LAUGHTER
02:01Do you know what it is?
02:02What?
02:03Jack and the Beans talk.
02:04Jack and the Beans talk.
02:06LAUGHTER
02:08APPLAUSE
02:09Good one.
02:11Right, first price task of a series.
02:13What's the category, Alex?
02:14I was shocked when you told me it, Greg, because it's
02:17the best thing that has been inside you.
02:20LAUGHTER
02:21I know.
02:22Unbelievable.
02:23My mum's watching this and I've been inside her.
02:26Greg will give five points for the thing he thinks is best
02:29and at the end of the episode, the overall winner
02:31will take home something that has been inside each
02:33of the four people they've been sitting next to
02:35and themselves.
02:36Yummy in my tummy.
02:37Your turn.
02:38Andy Saltzman.
02:39Yes, yes, Greg.
02:40What have you brought that's been inside you?
02:43Well, the best thing that's been inside me, Greg,
02:45is my lung.
02:46It is Andy's lung.
02:49Oh!
02:50Mmm.
02:51Ah, God.
02:52The winner's going to take home.
02:53But that's not Andy's lung, is it?
02:55Because otherwise Andy would be dead.
02:57LAUGHTER
02:57Well, it just gives me a great incentive to win this show
03:00so I get them back at the end.
03:02LAUGHTER
03:03Have you had those lungs inside you?
03:05Yes, I have.
03:06You have not?
03:07I have.
03:08LAUGHTER
03:09You don't like it?
03:10I don't like them, no.
03:11They don't work within the limit of the task.
03:14Right.
03:14And they make me feel sick.
03:16LAUGHTER
03:16What thing have you brought in that I might like
03:20that you've had inside you?
03:21I brought something that you will definitely like.
03:24It is Jamaican oxtail.
03:26It's beautiful.
03:27I'm Nigerian, but I love Jamaican food,
03:29so that's what I brought.
03:30And this is some oxtail stew here.
03:33I'm not going to lie.
03:34That looks disgusting.
03:36LAUGHTER
03:38But I'm telling you, it tastes delicious.
03:40You know what I'm saying?
03:40Has that been inside you?
03:42Yes.
03:42Same batch?
03:43Same batch.
03:44I mean, the idea of this,
03:45that you bring slightly surprising things in, Baba,
03:47you've just brought in the thing that you like to eat.
03:49Yes!
03:50Yes!
03:52Baba, it looks delicious.
03:53Apart from the sticks that have been thrown on top of it.
03:58Ever.
03:58What have you brought in that you might have had inside yourself,
04:01or you have had inside?
04:02So, because it's the best thing that's been inside you, right?
04:06Yes.
04:07I have brought in my ex,
04:09as represented by a USB stick.
04:13LAUGHTER
04:15LAUGHTER
04:17I've uploaded a huge amount of material about his life.
04:22It's a bloke.
04:23And, er, he is just a legend.
04:27Is he an actual legend?
04:28Yeah.
04:28No, he's not an actual...
04:30Well, he's just...
04:30He's not King Arthur.
04:31Excuse me!
04:33LAUGHTER
04:35Well, the winner gets to plug it in and have a good look.
04:37And, as a boyfriend, what was his best quality?
04:40Just, like, nice to be around.
04:42He dumped me.
04:45LAUGHTER
04:45Do he eject you safely?
04:47LAUGHTER
04:54Hello, Jack.
04:55Hello.
04:55You all right?
04:56Yes, very well, thank you, Greg.
04:57OK.
04:59LAUGHTER
05:00What have you had inside you?
05:01I've brought in, er, my...
05:03Well, one of my favourite toothbrushes.
05:06Erm...
05:06Which I had, er...
05:08I used...
05:08I liked it so much, I used it for several years.
05:11And, erm...
05:12Thank you, yeah.
05:13LAUGHTER
05:13So I bought this one in 2012.
05:15And, er...
05:17I used it until 2022 or something.
05:19LAUGHTER
05:20Here it is!
05:21LAUGHTER
05:23Yeah, there it is.
05:24Jesus Christ, Jack!
05:26LAUGHTER
05:27It did discolour in the end.
05:29When we told Jack about the competition,
05:31you told him it was to bring in a good prize, right?
05:34Not...
05:34Not to just clear out the shit from his garage.
05:37LAUGHTER
05:37Well, Sir Jones, what have you had inside you
05:40that you deemed appropriate to bring on the show?
05:42It is a letter opener.
05:46LAUGHTER
05:46So I have recently started living on my own.
05:54And I love it.
05:56I am naked the whole time.
06:01LAUGHTER
06:02That means I get a lot of food on my body.
06:09LAUGHTER
06:10And I have recently found out that there's been a smell
06:22coming from my belly bucket.
06:27LAUGHTER
06:29So the finger won't get it.
06:35LAUGHTER
06:36That does!
06:37LAUGHTER
06:40I can't get in really deep.
06:45And I swear to God, last week,
06:51I got a little bit of umbilical...
06:56LAUGHTER
06:59LAUGHTER
07:00How deep's your belly bucket?
07:02That's my favourite Bee Gees song, that's...
07:10Who has brought in the worst thing?
07:11Well, it's Baba or Andy, isn't it?
07:13Let's face it.
07:14OK.
07:14So we're going to give Zaltzman and his horrible lungs one point.
07:17Baba, two.
07:18Two to Baba, well done.
07:20Incredibly, getting three points is a man who lazily
07:23grabbed an old toothbrush on his way to the show.
07:26LAUGHTER
07:26Three to Jack.
07:27You know, it's such an appalling image.
07:29We'll give Rosie Jones five points on this occasion.
07:31There we go.
07:32Four to Emma, five to Rosie!
07:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:35It's a very strong start.
07:37Right, task one.
07:38Let's get going.
07:38OK, here we go, bro.
07:39And hush your sweet, sweet mouth.
07:56LAUGHTER
07:59Andy.
08:05I'll sit here, shall I?
08:06Yeah, just in front of Greg.
08:09Look at the state of it.
08:14Am I lying, Greg?
08:15You're very serious for me.
08:17Just smile more.
08:18I'm not going to lie to you, bro.
08:25Do not say any of this outside.
08:28LAUGHTER
08:47LAUGHTER
08:53LAUGHTER
08:56LAUGHTER
09:04Oh!
09:08Oh, my...
09:13Do you want to explain this task a little bit?
09:16Not yet.
09:17Oh!
09:19All right, who are we going to see first?
09:20We're going to start with the guy people are already calling Andy Zaltzman.
09:26Are you all right, Andy?
09:29Andy?
09:31Andy?
09:33Andy?
09:33Andy?
09:33I'm going to eat again.
09:38Andy?
09:52Andy?
09:53Andy?
09:54THEY CONFER
10:07Query. I've stopped the clock.
10:10I could have gone with quesadilla.
10:12I thought it was an opportunity missed.
10:17APPLAUSE
10:20At what point during the filming process for this show, Andy,
10:23did you regret wearing full cricket whites?
10:27I've never been in a situation in life where I haven't thought,
10:30this would be better if I was in cricket whites.
10:33So, no regrets, no regrets.
10:35Ah, all right, good. That's encouraging.
10:37Do you ever regret sitting in a big throne like that?
10:40No.
10:40Does it not make the rest of your life seem mundane?
10:43LAUGHTER
10:46I mean, I suppose now you've said it, yeah.
10:49Andy did very well.
10:50He managed to succeed in 7 minutes 54.
10:53Ooh! Not bad, is it?
10:55Two more attempts now
10:57and a little bit more explanation from Baba and Rosie.
11:01STARE AT CAMERA NUMBER ONE
11:03FOR AT LEAST 30 SECONDS WITHOUT SMILING.
11:11STARE AT CAMERA NUMBER ONE
11:13STARE AT CAMERA NUMBER ONE
11:25STARE AT CAMERA NUMBER ONE
11:55STARE AT CAMERA NUMBER ONE
12:05STARE AT CAMERA NUMBER ONE
12:06What letters have you got so far, Rosie?
12:09STI
12:10The first one's all right.
12:12What's the second one?
12:13E
12:14A
12:15Is it a N?
12:17Pfft!
12:18Wait, okay.
12:20SEAL.
12:21You haven't quite finished the task.
12:30Ah, not that SEAL.
12:35No, not that SEAL.
12:37Not that SEAL.
12:38Not that SEAL.
12:39You're a sneaky little bastard!
12:44Yeah!
12:50Say a word beginning with Q.
12:53That fits the words.
12:56Your time started when you stared at the camera.
12:59Quiet.
13:00Quiet.
13:00I've stopped the clock.
13:02That's it.
13:02That's it.
13:04That's the smiling one.
13:07Yeah.
13:07That's my Achilles heel.
13:12I'm so happy.
13:20Baba, the SEAL misdirection, it's the sort of thing this little nerd loves to do.
13:25How does it make you feel as a contestant?
13:27At the time, I was just like, who's coming up with this nonsense?
13:30You know what I'm saying?
13:31Yeah, yeah.
13:32I messed up.
13:33You've come to the right show to mess up.
13:36Rosie, I missed what you said your Achilles heel was.
13:39Is it not laughing like a town crier?
13:42Basically, I've always got to smile, cos when I don't smile, people think I'm dead.
13:59Right, that's the end of part one.
14:01See you soon.
14:13Welcome back to the first episode of this new series where we've begun with a silent task.
14:19Shh.
14:19Keep it down, big mouth.
14:21Yes.
14:22Some have been more silent than others, but there's two people left to see.
14:25Emma Ciddy and Jack D.
14:31I'm not tempted to smile at all, Jack.
14:52SEA?
14:55Are you getting the fourth letter?
15:05I've lost my count now.
15:07Oh.
15:07And I think it's going to matter.
15:09It's going to matter.
15:10Yeah.
15:11Quick.
15:12Stop the clock.
15:14What have you come up with?
15:15I mean, the first one I thought, I came up with seal.
15:18Did you?
15:18And I thought, that's got a nautical feel to it.
15:21That does sound relevant.
15:22Yeah.
15:24Look under the letters.
15:25Well, yeah.
15:26Or whatever they call it.
15:28It's not seal.
15:29Well, I think it might be seal.
15:30You think it might be seal?
15:31Yeah.
15:32So I look.
15:32Ah, okay.
15:33So then I find a seal and look underneath it.
15:35Well, maybe.
15:36That's a walrus.
15:37It's a shark.
15:38There's a seal.
15:40Sea lion, really.
15:41Spitting hairs.
15:41Ah, okay.
15:43What about this seal?
15:46Okay.
15:47There was something written there.
15:49That it still come off.
15:50Yeah, you ripped it quite hard there.
15:52I didn't rip it quite hard.
15:53What are you talking about?
15:54You were very rough with it.
15:56Don't blame me for shoddy props.
15:58I'll just go and see if we've got another one.
16:00Thanks.
16:06I'll set it on fire.
16:09That's pretty good.
16:11Faster.
16:13Fastest.
16:14Good as new.
16:15Is there another one coming this year?
16:17Yes.
16:18We're just really sticking it down so it doesn't slip.
16:21What's the point of that?
16:22That's what's caused all this.
16:27I've got a task for you.
16:28Ah.
16:28Best of luck.
16:32This is me being patient?
16:33Yeah.
16:34Maybe this is how you should have done the first one, then.
16:36Oh.
16:37Quick.
16:45Well...
16:46I mean, first things first.
16:48Let's start with the positives.
16:49Emma.
16:49Sure.
16:50Pretty efficient.
16:51Well, yeah, I would argue boringly efficient.
16:54You looked under a seat.
16:55There was a bit of fun there.
16:57I really appreciate that.
16:57And, I'll tell you something else.
16:58Yeah?
16:59No one winks anymore.
17:01Right.
17:01And you did a lovely bawdy wink after it.
17:03I didn't mean it to be bawdy.
17:05I more meant, like, you know, we're all in this together.
17:08I didn't mean sexually bawdy.
17:10I'm sorry.
17:10Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:11I mean fun bawdy.
17:12Fine.
17:13What went wrong, Jack?
17:15Well, OK, full disclosure, within a couple of minutes,
17:19I could see what was going on here.
17:21I thought, oh dear, they've come up with a duff task.
17:24Oh, yeah?
17:25And, er, to get some mileage out of it,
17:27I'm going to have to find some stuff here.
17:31I should probably cross out what I wrote, then.
17:33Um, what did you write?
17:34Well, I say this as a man of a similar vintage, but I wrote,
17:37this all feels a bit grandad's not settled into his home yet.
17:41LAUGHTER
17:45Emma said the word quick after 3 minutes 58.
17:47Jack said the word quick after 41 seconds and 30 minutes.
17:51Just over half an hour.
17:54APPLAUSE
17:57So I want to show you one more, one more little extra bit of Jack.
17:59Would you mind?
18:00Yes, do, yeah.
18:01This tickled me.
18:01This is Jack earlier on in the task.
18:05I mean, er, it's not my fault.
18:06This is probably quite boring to watch.
18:09Oh, it's not boring.
18:10OK.
18:12Here's the first word beginning with Q that anyone said.
18:15He said it after 3 minutes 32 seconds.
18:17So a bit quicker than Emma in the end.
18:18Oh!
18:21It's cruel.
18:22Even I say that's unfair, but I'll take it.
18:29Sometimes the game can be cruel, Emma.
18:31Yeah.
18:35So, Baba was the slowest in the end.
18:3717 minutes 59, one point.
18:39Oh, Baba.
18:39Then Rosie gets two points.
18:41And he was the third slowest, three points.
18:43Emma gets four points.
18:44But Jack D wins the task and five points!
18:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:48Wow.
18:50I'd love to see a scoreboard, please.
18:52All right.
18:52Well, there are joint leaders at this stage.
18:55It is Jack and Emma on eight points.
18:57Here they are.
19:01Another one, please.
19:03Yes.
19:04And we're off to a theme park.
19:05Oh, my God.
19:23Why are you standing like that, bro?
19:25It's quite windy.
19:26I've got a really bad feeling about this.
19:29Have you been on any of the rides?
19:30No, I haven't, because it's closed.
19:35Yes.
19:36Yeah.
19:37Knock over exactly a hundred cans.
19:43You must throw all five balls.
19:48And pull one rope nice and hard.
19:52You must stay on the spot at all times,
19:55and you may not move the spot.
19:59Closest to 100 cans wins.
20:02Your time starts now.
20:05APPLAUSE
20:09Let's have a look, then.
20:10All right, we're going to begin with one man.
20:12He's dressed as a sportsman.
20:13But can he, sportsman?
20:14It's Andy Zoltzman.
20:18Exactly a hundred cans.
20:19How many cans are there?
20:20I reckon there's 200 cans.
20:21200 cans, right.
20:23I'll do that.
20:24OK.
20:32I think that's 70 cans down.
20:36This is your sport.
20:38Pressure is on here.
20:40OK.
20:45Right, I was hoping to get all of them down in one go.
20:52I'd say that was unlucky.
21:00Oh, damn.
21:02What if I throw a tin?
21:10We've opened it.
21:12Right, I'm running out of balls.
21:14I'm running out of tins.
21:21Oh, fuck!
21:29I was doing very well there.
21:31I've very nearly stopped.
21:33That's the most disappointed I've been in a long time.
21:45It was all very impressive initially.
21:47And then, well, what I think is the Zoltzman equivalent of anarchy happened.
21:51Yeah.
21:52That being, you angrily throw your yoga ball to the left.
21:57You know, what else do you do with yoga balls?
21:58I've never really seen what they're for, apart from hurling in a fit of rage.
22:03So, how many cans have been knocked out?
22:05There's some good news.
22:06You miscounted at the beginning.
22:07You thought there were 200 cans there.
22:09OK.
22:09There were actually 160 cans there.
22:11Oh, right.
22:12You knocked over 104 cans.
22:14Oh!
22:15In school, bro, man's just a comedian, bro.
22:17Like, what do you think?
22:23Oh!
22:24Oh!
22:26Oh!
22:30Oh!
22:31Oh!
22:35Oh!
22:36Oh!
22:37Oh!
22:38Keep pulling, just keep pulling.
22:41Wait.
22:42I'm not done yet.
22:43I've got this, innit?
22:52Oh
22:52If I keep going higher let's go long I
22:59Big up big up layer
23:14Thought to count the cans before you started throwing. Yeah, let's go go for it
23:19You want me to stand there and be like one two three. I ain't doing all of that
23:23No, I understand that at school you got out of most subjects by telling them you were a comedian
23:30I'm not doing maths. I'm a comedian. That's it. He didn't learn throwing at school. He's a comedian
23:37Awful heartbreaking moments for you. I've never seen the phrase. Yeah, baby so close to the phrase. Oh, no
23:45I don't want to say they say we're laying on in the service
23:52But I can't say we're both poor
23:56Oh Winky's not having that
24:04You knocked over 47 cans Rosie. Ah compared to Bubba's 32
24:12Right we need to have another break. It's a chance for Alex to count all of his friends
24:17Welcome back to Taskmaster
24:30Oh
24:32You join us for the third part of the show and some more throwing at the theme park
24:37Yes, these adults are trying to knock some cans over with some balls and finally. Oh, it's Jack and Emma
24:44grouped together again
24:46Okay, so how many cans are there 17?
24:5021
24:51So that's gonna be
24:53Yeah
24:56I can't be bothered
24:5840
25:0040
25:0240
25:0240
25:0240 times 4
25:04Is 160 cans
25:06There's a 160 there
25:12Are you just getting rid of the balls?
25:15So I'm gonna try and just get
25:17Ah
25:18Okay, I don't know. Okay
25:26My dad played rugby for England
25:29My dad played rugby for England
25:34Might actually just
25:37Come to daddy
25:43Oh God, what a shame, what a shame
25:47This one's pointless, but we'll try anyway
25:58How do you summon skills that you don't have it's actually so difficult
26:13So
26:17That's a disappointment
26:18Yeah
26:20I might be able to use this
26:21If I can hook them over
26:24And then
26:26Alright
26:28Oh no, I knew it, I knew it
26:34Okay
26:40I know this is gonna miss
26:53What I've written down is
26:55The juxtaposition of the sentence
26:57My dad played rugby for England
26:59And the throws that we witnessed
27:02Yeah
27:02Following that sentence
27:04Yeah
27:04Sounds melodramatic
27:05I think it might destroy your family
27:07LAUGHTER
27:08Is it too early in the series to say
27:10I don't have cerebral palsy
27:13LAUGHTER
27:14LAUGHTER
27:15Oh no
27:15Oh no
27:17LAUGHTER
27:18APPLAUSE
27:18Fuck me
27:19Because she did knock over more than Baba
27:21She knocked over 36
27:22Which is good
27:23Jack
27:24Oh
27:25You've made a career out of not looking very happy
27:27I've got a theory
27:28Secretly you were loving that
27:30I found it cathartic I suppose
27:31LAUGHTER
27:32I would do that again actually
27:34I wouldn't mind
27:34Yeah
27:35How many cans got knocked out?
27:36At least they bothered to count
27:38Yes
27:38Well I can tell you
27:39We know Baba was 32
27:40Emma 36
27:41Rosie 47
27:42Jack 68
27:44Oh
27:45So approaching 100
27:46APPLAUSE
27:46Yeah
27:47Obviously only 104
27:48So um
27:50Yeah
27:52I do want to show you one extra replay though
27:53Do you mind?
27:54Yeah
27:54OK
27:54Here we go
27:57BUZZER
27:58BUZZER
27:59BUZZER
27:59BUZZER
28:00BUZZER
28:02BUZZER
28:02BUZZER
28:04BUZZER
28:06Oh
28:06Nice pop of the leg though
28:08LAUGHTER
28:10That means that Andy doesn't get any points
28:12Oh
28:12Oh
28:13Baba goes up to 2 points
28:143 to Emma
28:154 to Rosie
28:16And Jack wins the task
28:165 points
28:17Oh no
28:18APPLAUSE
28:20BUZZER
28:20At least they bothered to count
28:23Yes
28:23Well I can tell you
28:24We know Baba was 32
28:25Emma 36
28:26Rosie 47
28:27Jack 68
28:29So approaching 100
28:30APPLAUSE
28:31Yeah
28:32Obviously only 104
28:33So um
28:35APPLAUSE
28:37Yeah
28:37I do want to show you one extra replay though
28:38Do you mind?
28:39OK
28:39Here we go
28:40Do you mind?
28:47Oh
28:47Oh
28:51Nice pop of the leg though
28:53That means that Andy doesn't get any points
28:57Oh
28:58Baba goes up to 2 points
28:593 to Emma
29:00Four to Rosie, and Jack wins the task, and five points.
29:02Oh, no!
29:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
29:07OK, look like it's torn.
29:08I'm babbling on, babble asleep.
29:12Your time's started now, Jack.
29:14Your time has now started.
29:15Your time has started.
29:17I've had to say a word like that in the task.
29:19Emma, your time has started.
29:20It's started now.
29:21Yes, because you didn't say a word beginning with B for five seconds.
29:25Oh, what?
29:27Not into that.
29:28LAUGHTER
29:29I managed to get some soap and make some bubbles.
29:32Come on.
29:34Can I get naked?
29:37Cos that is beautiful.
29:41LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
29:44Baba, you announced that you were going to make bubbles in this,
29:48the bubble task, as if you'd had a great idea.
29:51LAUGHTER
29:52You even said, come on, afterwards.
29:55Yeah, but obviously, you've got to get some soap and...
29:57I'd do it for the children.
29:59Like, if I don't buy, like, bubble solution water,
30:01like, you know the one that you can just buy,
30:03if I'll do it by myself.
30:04And you'll play on your own with bubbles?
30:06No, for my children.
30:07Oh, but you said you do it on your own sometimes.
30:10Don't make the bubbles.
30:11You've got to make the bubble solution, and I put it in the machine.
30:14I don't know how to make bubbles, Baba.
30:16Then listen to what I'm feeling for!
30:17I'm listening to you!
30:19You clearly ain't.
30:19I just want to establish whether you play with bubbles on your own.
30:22No, I don't play with bubbles on my own, bro.
30:24I'm a comedian.
30:25OK.
30:27LAUGHTER
30:31OK, the first two we're going to see are Jack Dee and Bubble Tunday.
30:35Here we go.
30:37Are you into any particular types of bubbles, Jack?
30:40Well, champagne, I like.
30:42I like a bit of champagne.
30:43We've got champagne.
30:44Where?
30:45Where's the champagne?
30:48Right, I'm going to draw my daughter.
30:50She's two months, and she's so beautiful.
30:53Bring it to me.
30:54Do you want me to bring you champagne?
30:55Yeah, and some glasses.
30:56This is her arms.
30:58We'll do, like, legs.
31:01Oh, she is beautiful.
31:03This is, uh, vegan, non-alcoholic.
31:06Yeah.
31:07Is there any other way you can take fun out of champagne?
31:12You've got real chocolate.
31:14Get yourself some penguin.
31:16Who wants dark chocolate?
31:17Like, come on, man, I'm not a psychopath.
31:19You know what I'm saying?
31:19I'd like you, Alex, to pass this round to the crew
31:22so that they all have some.
31:24What a beautiful thing, Jack.
31:25Yeah, I think, thank you.
31:26You've said it.
31:27Let's get some flowers.
31:29You know what I mean?
31:32Should we keep one for Greg?
31:34That's a good idea.
31:34Which one do you think you'd want?
31:35Probably have a pint with me.
31:38Ready for this, my guy?
31:39I'm ready.
31:42It's man-mat.
31:43It's man-mat.
31:47To everyone, thank you for having me.
31:49Thank you for having me here, and looking after me so nicely.
31:54Thank you for, uh, yeah, I hope you enjoy this drink with me, and I wish you peace and
31:59happiness, and...
32:03What's wrong with him?
32:13peace and happiness, and, uh, hope all your dreams come true.
32:17I want to be in a photo's.
32:18I want to be in a photo's.
32:48Why? Because Alex, do you know what he calls them behind their back?
32:51Oh, no. He calls them the faceless facilitators of his junior.
32:55LAUGHTER
32:58It was nice to see them briefly happy,
33:01and when I left, they just said, Jack, thank you.
33:11Pleased with your attempt? I'm going to own it. Yes, I was.
33:13I was pleased with it, cos, you know, honouring my new baby girl.
33:17And, yes. That was genuinely sweet, I thought.
33:21Can we have a look at the painting of his daughter?
33:23His beautiful 11-week-old daughter? Here she is.
33:27LAUGHTER
33:28I think I ripped this up afterwards, because I'm ashamed I can actually draw.
33:33You can actually draw? I can actually draw. I'm a good drawer.
33:35Well, you didn't. You didn't do art of school. All right, of course.
33:38LAUGHTER
33:41APPLAUSE
33:42Just so you know, he said the word bang every time he drew a thing,
33:45he also said that his sperm and genes and DNA were elite.
33:49LAUGHTER
33:50You should see my son and daughter. I'm telling you, man, they're gorgeous.
33:53When my daughter was born, the whole hospital, they were like,
33:56Oh, my days! She's so gorgeous!
33:58Even the really ill people.
34:00LAUGHTER
34:01Well, it's time for Mr Steps Off The Spot himself. It's Andy's office.
34:06And... action!
34:11Beauty and the bubble.
34:14I am bubble.
34:17Am I beautiful?
34:19Tell me, what is beauty?
34:23I have dreams of what a sphere can become.
34:27But I know change changes change.
34:30And the world becomes new again.
34:33We create.
34:35We destroy.
34:36We are destroyed.
34:38We were created.
34:40Life isn't the unexpected.
34:43Try the orange.
34:45For I know, as a bubble, things never stay the same.
34:50Things never change.
34:51We are all bubbles.
34:54Bubbles doomed to die.
34:57But our beauty lives forever.
35:01Work the camera for fuck's sake.
35:04For homme.
35:05For femme.
35:06For le taskmaster.
35:08Et son petit ami.
35:09Alex Hearn.
35:20And it's pretty incredible, actually.
35:22I don't actually have anything negative to say about it.
35:25We are all bubbles waiting to burst.
35:27Exactly.
35:27Well, we are.
35:28It's an exploration of the sort of fragility that this show too often shies away from.
35:33Andy, I thought it was excellent.
35:35Time for the final break of the night.
35:37Who will not only win the episode, but also take home a lung and Jack D's rancid old toothbrush?
35:43What an adrenaline rush!
35:44I feel like I'm tripping in Woodstock, man!
35:47See you soon.
35:54APPLAUSE
35:58Welcome back!
35:59Welcome back to the final part of this new series.
36:02Who's next in line to do something beautiful with bubbles, Alex?
36:06Ooh, a top-notch question, Greg, and a lovely voice.
36:09It's Rosie and Siddy Jones and Emma.
36:13MUSIC
36:20Rosie.
36:23I'm not Rosie.
36:25I am the bubblegum fairy!
36:33Oh, lights!
36:36Oh, Greg!
36:37Oh, Greg!
36:39Oh, Greg!
36:39I am doing the most beautiful thing with bubbles.
36:42A beautiful babe having a bubble bath.
36:45LAUGHTER
36:48I am here to grant your three wishes, but don't tell me them, cos I know them already!
37:06LAUGHTER
37:10Oh, Greg!
37:14What are you doing tonight?
37:16Bubble bath, maybe?
37:20LAUGHTER
37:20I know that you want more bubbles!
37:30You like bubblegum!
37:37It's a bubblegum!
37:39Eat it!
37:41I can't really do bubblegum!
37:42Eat it!
37:43How much?
37:43More!
37:45More!
37:47More!
37:53LAUGHTER
37:55And I know you want the bubblegum dance!
38:03Bubblegum fairy!
38:11Bubblegum fairy!
38:14Bubblegum fairy!
38:16I can't blow, bubblegum, I'm not so much.
38:18Blah!
38:20Blah!
38:22Blah!
38:25Blah!
38:25Oh!
38:27And now I live wonderful!
38:33And...drop.
38:35OK.
38:41I think what we have to...
38:43The three of us have to talk about is your understanding
38:46of the word beautiful, probably.
38:49No, I think I nailed it.
38:53Do you?
38:56Honestly, David, there's nothing more beautiful in life than...
39:03Than the bubblegum fairy?
39:05Yeah.
39:06Played by the most beautiful woman alive.
39:11Right.
39:12Well, I'm not going to comment on your personal beauty
39:14because I'm looking only at the character.
39:17And...
39:19Personally...
39:22I found the bubblegum fairy to be quite irritating.
39:26LAUGHTER
39:27Emma, let's talk about your beauty.
39:30Yes.
39:31When you started erotically eating the chocolate,
39:34I think you just looked hammered.
39:37LAUGHTER
39:40And I...
39:41I'm very flattered to be offered a bath with a lady,
39:44but I would prefer it if she hadn't been out for 12 pints before.
39:48I think beauty's in the eye of the beholder.
39:51Yes, and I'm the beholder.
39:52Totally fuck if you try.
39:53That...that I do expect.
39:55Yeah.
39:55But I...
39:56Who would you rather share her bath with?
40:01What, Emma or the bubblegum fairy?
40:04Well, Emma.
40:05LAUGHTER
40:06A hundred times over.
40:09LAUGHTER
40:09Sorry, bitch.
40:11Sorry.
40:13APPLAUSE
40:17Go on then, Greg.
40:18Well, who do you think's going to get one point?
40:21I'll give you a clue!
40:24One point to Rosie.
40:25Well done, mate.
40:26Yeah, good.
40:26I mean, if the chocolate goblin woman of nondescript nationality
40:30hadn't been so drunk, she might have got more than two points.
40:34Two to Emma.
40:34Got it.
40:35But I think the sentiment of sharing bubbles with a largely ignored
40:40and often much derided crew of fun with him,
40:44it is quite beautiful and deserves three points.
40:47Three points for Jack.
40:47Got it.
40:48I'm going to give Baba's beautiful daughter four points.
40:50Four.
40:50Got it.
40:51We must recognise artistic genius when we see it,
40:53and Andy gets five points.
40:54OK, well done, Andy.
40:55Five points.
40:56APPLAUSE
40:57OK, then.
40:58Everyone, please make your way to the stage for your first
41:00final task of the show!
41:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:10Who's reading the task of?
41:12Emma is going to read the task.
41:13Is she?
41:14Emma...
41:15I hope you'll include a wink in this read.
41:18Excuse me?
41:20LAUGHTER
41:23Drink the vinegar.
41:25LAUGHTER
41:26On your turn, you can either drink from one straw
41:30or not drink at all, and get a clue from Alex instead.
41:33You must stand on the spot when choosing your straw,
41:36and you must never stray from the spot.
41:38OK.
41:40Only the vinegar drinker wins.
41:43There's five points at stake here.
41:44No-one else will get any points at all, Greg.
41:46Wow.
41:46They can choose to either tell me which number they're going to drink from
41:50and then drink from it.
41:51Yep.
41:51Or they can get a clue from me.
41:53The clue refers to the numbers in front of the straws.
41:56Up you come, Rosie.
41:59APPLAUSE
42:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:01So, Rosie, would you like to drink or get a clue?
42:04So, I'm going to go for it.
42:08Which number are you going to drink from?
42:09Ten.
42:10Off you go.
42:11Down and...
42:11Whoa!
42:15This is a gift waiting to happen.
42:21Whoa!
42:27Have you drunk vinegar?
42:30No.
42:31LAUGHTER
42:31I like it.
42:34OK.
42:34A bit fishy.
42:36Yes, it is a bit fishy.
42:38It's tomato juice.
42:40LAUGHTER
42:40OK, Jack, would you like a clue or a drink?
42:42Um, let's try a clue.
42:44OK.
42:49Yes.
42:50Yes.
42:51You're such a weird man.
42:54LAUGHTER
42:54You must now return to your spot.
42:56Oh, I see.
42:57Oh, clue.
42:58Oh, clue.
42:59I get that.
43:00Clue, clue.
43:01Clue as well?
43:01Yeah, yeah.
43:09Clue or drink, brother?
43:10I'm going for a drink.
43:12Here we go.
43:12What number are you going to choose?
43:1316.
43:14Wow, confident.
43:16I'm not...
43:17Do it.
43:17I don't like this, man.
43:18LAUGHTER
43:20Do you not like a lovely vinegar drink?
43:23It's...
43:23It's...
43:25Is it vinegar?
43:26No, that ain't vinegar, but...
43:28I don't know.
43:29That's all right.
43:30It's iced tea.
43:31It's iced tea.
43:31OK.
43:32It's iced tea.
43:33APPLAUSE
43:35He's not...
43:35He's not straight.
43:36LAUGHTER
43:39I appreciate that.
43:42LAUGHTER
43:43Clue or suck?
43:45LAUGHTER
43:47Clue, please, Alex.
43:48Clue, here it comes.
43:48I'm nearly there.
43:49Here I am.
43:52There's a lot of this, isn't there?
43:54LAUGHTER
43:55Let me seductively get it out of the way for you.
44:00LAUGHTER
44:04OK.
44:06LAUGHTER
44:06I'm going to suck, but I'm also going to try and get your clue.
44:16Cool.
44:16I think it's a prime number.
44:21I do like them.
44:22Ooh!
44:24LAUGHTER
44:24So, I'm going to go for...
44:29OK.
44:30OK.
44:31OK.
44:32Right.
44:32Tom.
44:37LAUGHTER
44:37She drank the vinegar!
44:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:47OK.
44:48We'll have those five points.
44:49Come down here.
44:50Let's hear it.
44:51That affects the final score!
44:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:58Very good.
45:00So, you getting it, you just guessed it, did you?
45:02I thought the clue was a prime number.
45:06Why?
45:07Cos Alex is so boring.
45:10Yeah.
45:11Did you see the scoreboard?
45:13Yeah.
45:14It's unbelievable.
45:14She was in third place before, but now she's in first place.
45:16Rosie Jones has 17 points!
45:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:23Rosie Jones wins episode one.
45:26Please go and collect the things that have been inside your rival!
45:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:44That's what we are doing.
45:47...
45:53lost...
45:57...
45:58To be continued...
46:00...
46:01Solar
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