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Taskmaster - S17E04 - Apropos of Apoppo [Full Movie] [Full Version]Full EP - Full
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짧은 영상트랜스크립트
00:03다음 영상에서 만나요!
00:32APPLAUSE
00:35Hello!
00:37Welcome...
00:39Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:42Some say this show is a wolf in sheep's clothing.
00:44Well, I'm a wolf, all right, and this suit is as Welsh as it gets.
00:48It's woven from the shaven body hair of Sir Tom Jones himself.
00:52It's breathable, it's soft,
00:54and it's been on the bedroom floor of a thousand lovers.
00:56They're thinking about a dance? No.
01:04So, without further ado, let's get going with the games
01:08and watch as our five task-hungry wolfhounds go feral with peril.
01:13Please welcome...
01:14Joanne McNally!
01:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:16John Robbins!
01:18Nick Mohamed!
01:20Sophie Whidden!
01:22And Steve Pemberton!
01:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:26And next to me is a man who started shoplifting in his 30s
01:30to get the attention he was starved of at home as a child
01:33and latterly in a different home with his wife.
01:36It's...
01:37Elidia Alexey!
01:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:41You better believe it.
01:44APPLAUSE
01:45Yes.
01:46It's a hobby.
01:47Or anything.
01:49Hello, Greg.
01:49Have you ever nicked anything in real life?
01:51From, er...
01:52From anywhere?
01:54Yes.
01:54I want you to be funny, just tell me what you've stolen.
01:57Er, money from my... from Mother's Handbag.
02:00LAUGHTER
02:02Let's start with the prize task, Alex.
02:04Oh, yawn.
02:06No, you're right.
02:07It is the best time to do it.
02:09And this episode, they've brought in...
02:11Ready?
02:11The greatest thing to give to a granny.
02:14Hmm.
02:15Five points will be given for the greatest thing for a granny
02:18and five great things will go home with tonight's winner,
02:20which they can then give to a granny
02:21or leave outside a nursing home, et cetera, Greg.
02:25LAUGHTER
02:26Hello, Nick.
02:27Hello.
02:27I won't ask whether you've got a granny left,
02:28but I will ask, if you had a granny,
02:31what granny gift would you bring them?
02:32It's something that my son made,
02:35erm, and it's a... a good luck potion.
02:38LAUGHTER
02:39I just sort of thought a good luck potion,
02:41sort of in those sort of last few months to a year.
02:45LAUGHTER
02:47Because it feels like when you're on the cusp, erm...
02:51LAUGHTER
02:51You need as much luck as you can get
02:53in terms of having sort of a nice peaceful kind of way out.
02:58Wow.
03:00Hello to all the grandmothers watching.
03:02LAUGHTER
03:03Thanks, Nick.
03:04Thanks for bringing your magic potion in
03:05to stop grandparents dying.
03:08LAUGHTER
03:08Hello, Joanne.
03:09Hello.
03:10What do you think a granny would like?
03:11I'd like to gift them with some oral pride.
03:14Some oral pride?
03:15LAUGHTER
03:16I'd like to give them a grill.
03:18LAUGHTER
03:19Why should they be all gappy and vacant?
03:22LAUGHTER
03:23Why would a grandparent want to wear those?
03:25It's better than a blue rinse and a Laura Ashley two-piece.
03:28LAUGHTER
03:28Give them some dignity.
03:30LAUGHTER
03:30This is dignity, is it?
03:32I loved it.
03:33I'm very proud of it.
03:34Oh, dear.
03:35Well, this is a shame it's going to score so badly.
03:39Sophie.
03:40I've got an animal print onesie for Grandma.
03:43Here it is.
03:45LAUGHTER
03:45My grandma used to wear these a lot.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:49With those teeth in that, fabulous.
03:52Yeah.
03:52Why shouldn't you be a sexual being?
03:54That's it.
03:55She was just, you know, she was fantastic.
03:57Slut dropping, twerking, fabulous.
03:59And then she had a partial prolapse and it was a bit of a disaster.
04:02LAUGHTER
04:03Is anyone else just imagining a really sweet granny for this task?
04:07Not some blinged-up sex maniac.
04:10Teetering on the verge of death.
04:14John, have you brought something sweet in for a granny?
04:17Do you know, I sort of have.
04:18I moved to a house where I live alone
04:21and my neighbour also lives alone
04:23and she is my dear friend, Thelma.
04:25She's my surrogate grandma.
04:27And in lockdown, we became very close
04:31and she would do my sort of mending for me, like sewing,
04:35and I would do her shopping for her.
04:37And I've got what was always her shopping order for a treat,
04:41which is a bottle of wine, a bar of chocolate
04:45and, against my better judgement, 20 cigarettes.
04:48LAUGHTER
04:50I mean, I guess that's kind of sweeter, isn't it?
04:53It is, and that's how I want to be living when I'm that age.
04:57Slut dropping with that?
04:59Not slut dropping, no.
05:00What is slut dropping?
05:02LAUGHTER
05:04Oh, I would demonstrate, but I can't slut drop.
05:07Of course I can't.
05:09Can any of you slut drop?
05:11Well, there's several, isn't there?
05:12You've got your basic...
05:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:34Thank you.
05:35Thank you, Sophie.
05:36Welcome to Taskmaster.
05:38This...
05:38This section is about grandmothers.
05:41LAUGHTER
05:43John, at least there's a sweet story behind yours.
05:46Steve.
05:47So I brought in a card I made for my granny almost 50 years ago.
05:51This was, um...
05:52For my...
05:53My grandma Alice.
05:55Thank God.
05:57LAUGHTER
05:58But inside her I wrote her a poem.
06:00My grandma's eyes are brown and she does never frown.
06:03She is 62 today.
06:04So she does shout hooray.
06:06She gives us lots of toffees and a very lot of sweets.
06:09She takes us out to the park.
06:11Pork.
06:12LAUGHTER
06:15And all our lovely treats.
06:18She always brings us presents every time she's here.
06:20So I pray to God every night that he will always stay near.
06:26APPLAUSE
06:30It's a decent poem for an eight-year-old.
06:33I'll tell you what it is, Steve. It's just a relief.
06:35Yeah.
06:37Should I stop now or should I show you the card I made when I was a little bit older?
06:42Oh, God.
06:44LAUGHTER
06:45This is the difference between eight years old and maybe 13, 14 years old.
06:49Here we go.
06:50LAUGHTER
06:52I know it's a bit sinister now, when you look at it.
06:55A bit!
06:56But my grandma absolutely loved it. She cried laughing.
07:00Did she?
07:00Yes, when she saw that picture.
07:02And what's inside?
07:03It looks almost like it's a kidnapper's ransom note.
07:06LAUGHTER
07:07Beware.
07:09LAUGHTER
07:12Right, OK, you're all absolutely weird.
07:15Really weird.
07:17I mean, it's the first time in 17 series I don't know what to do.
07:21I don't know what to say about any of this.
07:24LAUGHTER
07:25I don't think there's any grandparents out there who want grills.
07:29LAUGHTER
07:30So I'm giving Joanne one point.
07:31OK.
07:33I don't think many grandmas want that outfit.
07:35I could be wrong.
07:36You are.
07:37Two points.
07:38LAUGHTER
07:38I suppose that giving them a magic potion that might stop them
07:42from dying is a bit kind.
07:43I'll give him three points.
07:45OK.
07:45I'm ignoring Steve's second card.
07:47And I'm focusing on the first one, which was genuinely heartbreakingly sweet
07:52and makes me think of children and their grandparents.
07:55And...
07:56Mm-hm.
07:56..for providing for his neighbour, Thelma, five points for John!
08:00Well done, John Williams!
08:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
08:04That's getting at this stage.
08:05OK, then.
08:06Right.
08:06Ready?
08:07Yep!
08:07Here we go.
08:24LAUGHTER
08:25Hello, Alex.
08:26Ooh, look at this.
08:31Hey!
08:32Steve.
08:33How are you?
08:33Lovely to meet you.
08:34Lovely to meet you too.
08:35Again.
08:36They're all yours.
08:38Oh!
08:39LAUGHTER
08:41That's well creepy now.
08:43Is it?
08:43Yeah.
08:45Work out who you are shaking hands with.
08:47I've just shook hands with you.
08:49You must only shake hands with the hands,
08:52and you may not handle the hands in any other way.
08:55Why?
08:56Any other way?
08:57You may chop off a total of three fingers and one thumb,
09:02but if you set off the health and safety emergency alarm,
09:05you are disqualified.
09:07Also, you may not look around over, under, or through the fence.
09:12Oh, God, I'm scared, actually.
09:14Best hand identification wins.
09:17How am I going to know they are?
09:18Do I know them?
09:19Oh, yeah.
09:19You have a maximum of 20 minutes.
09:22Your time starts now.
09:25APPLAUSE
09:27I've noticed a trend starts to develop, Joanne,
09:30every now and again of you suddenly, maniacally laughing.
09:33I don't know what got you there.
09:34Was it the gloves?
09:35I don't know.
09:35I just do.
09:35I'm a really cheap laugh.
09:37It just catches me unaware sometimes.
09:39Yeah.
09:40Yes, it is.
09:41It's mad.
09:42Shall we crack bomb?
09:42Yes, OK.
09:44It's time for our first three handshakers.
09:47It's the insurance brokers.
09:48Willen, Robbins and Pemberton.
09:52Hello to you, sir.
09:53I forgot that's how you shake hands.
09:55Oh, God.
09:56Oh, squishy.
09:58Some people do have squishy hands.
09:59Oh, dear, yes.
10:00Oh, that's nice.
10:02Why is it nice?
10:03Warm.
10:04That's unusual.
10:05We don't know about that.
10:06We'll come back.
10:07That's weird, isn't it?
10:08I've no idea what you are.
10:10It's a pleasure to see you, mate.
10:11Hello to you.
10:12And hello to you as well, of course.
10:14The problem I'm facing here, Alex, is a lot of them are just sort of smooth and hot.
10:19What if I use my more vigorous handshake?
10:22Hi.
10:23Hi.
10:25Hi.
10:25I'm just going in for this one.
10:27He's going straight in, right.
10:28Hi.
10:29Acorn.
10:31Acorns, of course.
10:32It says who, so I'm going to give them characters.
10:35Gone with Aileen Acorns.
10:37For hand number one.
10:39Hi.
10:40Ah.
10:42Can you put question mark lipsticks?
10:46Number three.
10:47Oatmeal.
10:48Do you know what I really want to say?
10:50Tom.
10:51Atosu.
10:53Okay.
10:56Your rumours.
10:57Hello.
10:59Oh.
10:59Okay.
11:00It's like a xylophone.
11:02Toy glockenspiel or xylophone.
11:04Should be hyphenated.
11:06Xylophone.
11:07Ah!
11:08Fuck me, man.
11:10What's in that one?
11:11It's got something in it.
11:13Mate.
11:13That's not me in all of them.
11:14Yeah, but there's something moving in that one.
11:16Oh, God, that's a real hand.
11:18Is it?
11:20Oh.
11:21Oh.
11:22Can I cut one of these fingers off?
11:24I think that might be a person's hand.
11:27Okay.
11:28It's bloody Greg Davies, isn't it?
11:30Look how tall it is.
11:31Greg Davies.
11:32Why do I feel quite scared?
11:34Hey!
11:35I think that might be water.
11:37Oh, water.
11:38Water.
11:40I'm getting nature.
11:41Something you'd lie in a gerbil's cage with.
11:43Oh, straw.
11:44Ooh.
11:45That one was definitely a person, but this isn't.
11:48Ooh.
11:48Oh.
11:49Shredded fake nails.
11:51Oh, fake nails.
11:52Yeah, that's gross.
11:54What the hell?
11:55These are, like, little Likies.
11:57What are they called?
11:58Pickled onions.
12:00You've got no more cuts.
12:01Pickled onions.
12:02Oh.
12:03I'm going to cut nine.
12:04Let's see what's inside number nine.
12:05Yeah.
12:06Oh.
12:08It's all wrong, isn't it?
12:09The eggs.
12:10Oh, I knew it was eggs.
12:13Steve, who were you shaking hands with?
12:14Soft boiled eggs.
12:16Yeah.
12:16W.A. Tur.
12:19Lychees.
12:19O.B.
12:21Greg Davies' first semester.
12:23Who was I shaking hands with?
12:25A king?
12:27Should it spell something?
12:29I don't know.
12:30A pop-a-water-po.
12:31A pop-o or something like that.
12:33Right.
12:33I'll write down a pop-o.
12:35Yeah.
12:35What a lovely time you've had.
12:36But I've not done something, have I?
12:38Because you've got that look.
12:40See you, Greg.
12:43Love your work.
12:51You had to use all of your guesses collectively to work out the name of someone.
12:55We didn't say, we just said who did you shake hands with.
12:57So it might have been nine people, it might have been one person.
12:59Ah, I see.
13:00This is what drove me insane.
13:02Yes.
13:03Is there any chance that the answer to what's behind the fence is a pop-o?
13:10It's a lovely name.
13:12A pop-o.
13:12A pop-o.
13:13She also said apocalypse apostrophe or apropo.
13:15Apropo.
13:16Apropo.
13:17Of a pop-o.
13:19Steve, I think it's an indication that you've been living a refined life that you thought pickled
13:24onions were mini lychelles.
13:25Yes.
13:27Should have done the smell test, shouldn't I?
13:29Yeah.
13:29John got them just from feeling them, which was amazing.
13:31That was amazing.
13:32I ate a lot of pickled onions.
13:35LAUGHTER
13:35Quite a time.
13:36When I was a little boy, my dad sat me on his knee and said, with every year that passed
13:40his son,
13:40I meet a new collection of arseholes that want my money.
13:43And that is genuinely true.
13:44He was right.
13:46Here are some of them.
13:54APPLAUSE
13:59Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster.
14:02Our competitors are currently trying to work out the contents of some rubber gloves.
14:05by shaking hands with them.
14:07The ultimate goal is to work out with whom they are shaking hands.
14:12Apropo.
14:14Well, there goes.
14:14My recap.
14:15Thanks a lot, mate.
14:16Anyway, here is Joanne McNally and Nick McHamid.
14:23Are you shaking hands with it?
14:25That's how we shake hands.
14:26It's an Irish thing.
14:28You don't understand.
14:29Just nice shaking hands, as always.
14:31Yeah, there's your...
14:33It's an Irish greeting.
14:34Because I wonder if...
14:37Like, they're filled with things that are connected.
14:41Can I smell it?
14:43Do what you want with it?
14:46It's...
14:46Acorns.
14:47OK.
14:53Is it egg?
14:56I've no idea what that is.
14:58What does it feel like?
14:59It feels like a human hand.
15:00Right.
15:00But I'm hoping it's not, because I've had...
15:02If it is, I'm completely fractured it.
15:04One more handshake.
15:06I think that's someone real.
15:07Someone real?
15:09If that was an actual hand, I'd assume it was contagious.
15:12It feels lumpy.
15:13Herpes.
15:13Right down, herpes.
15:18It's doing like a wee on me.
15:20It does look like it's doing a wee on you.
15:25Oh, it's rum.
15:27This is some sort of crustacean.
15:30Like, I'm not happy to meet this hand at all.
15:32Oh, for fuck's sake.
15:34It just exploded.
15:35Egg!
15:35It's...
15:36Oh, sorry.
15:37Ugh!
15:39Oh, God.
15:40It's more egg.
15:42It's in my thumb.
15:43Oh, yeah.
15:44It's like fingernails.
15:45Nails.
15:47What'll I do with this?
15:49Oh, eat them.
15:50I don't know.
15:50Whatever you want.
15:51Yeah, put them on your phone.
15:52I didn't...
15:52I didn't actually chop that finger off.
15:54There's just a little slit in that.
15:55So I think I can...
15:57That's fine.
15:58Right.
15:58Right.
15:59I'm gonna go for the first letter.
16:01Oh, acorns.
16:03Who am I shaking hands with?
16:05Oh, so it's the first letter.
16:06First letter of each thing.
16:08Ah.
16:09I think this might spell out your name.
16:15Is this you trying to teach me your surname?
16:18What's my surname, Joanne?
16:19Taskmaster.
16:22Horn, horn, horn.
16:23Alex Horn!
16:25You've got 35 seconds.
16:26God, no, that's an X.
16:28Are you trying to make a point here?
16:29Is it Alex Horn?
16:33X, X, um, an X-Box.
16:35Bits of X-Box.
16:38Six is all of seven is oi-bina, eight snails and nine is eggs again.
16:41And your name is Alex Horn.
16:43I'm shaking hands with Alex Horn.
16:45And I shook your hand at the start.
16:47That was nice.
16:50Good one.
16:56I don't know why you're high-fiving.
16:57No pop-o.
16:58No pop-o.
17:00We're normally low together.
17:02We're usually very low.
17:03And he's up, so I feel it's a win for me.
17:05Yeah.
17:05It seemed very quickly off the back of the gloves doing a wee on me
17:09that you immediately drank it.
17:11LAUGHTER
17:13Oh, yeah.
17:14Greg, I have one slight concern.
17:16Let's go.
17:16When I cut off the finger of R,
17:20I asked four times before testing it if it was alcohol,
17:24because I don't drink, and Alex said no.
17:26So I'm slightly concerned, having watched it back,
17:29that my R stood for relapse.
17:33LAUGHTER
17:36APPLAUSE
17:37APPLAUSE
17:39It's a valid point, and that was very tense.
17:42It was non-alcoholic rum.
17:43Good.
17:43Jo-Anne, I've been to Ireland, and no-one has ever
17:47double handshaked me while sniffing my fingers.
17:50LAUGHTER
17:50When were you last there?
17:51Things have moved on.
17:53LAUGHTER
17:53Tell me about her piece of the hand.
17:55Well, was that a real...
17:56I don't think I got a real hand in mine.
17:58Yeah, you did. That was Clarence.
17:59Fuck!
18:01LAUGHTER
18:01I really bent that.
18:03You did really bend that.
18:05In terms of the cutting, I should say, Nick...
18:06Well, you're only allowed to cut a certain number.
18:09He snipped one and then put a plaster on it
18:11and argued that he could then cut another one off.
18:13Ah, is that...
18:14Wow.
18:15That was his little tactic.
18:16Are you happy with that?
18:16You see, watching it, I just thought that's classic Nick.
18:19He was just such a lovely boy.
18:21Are you allowing it?
18:22I sort of think I am going to allow it.
18:24Steve only identified three of the things correctly in the end.
18:26The next up was Sophie, who got five things right.
18:29John got six things right.
18:30Joanne only got five, but she also discovered Alex Horne on the top
18:34and got my name right.
18:35So, would you say she was above John?
18:38Yeah.
18:39The five points go to Nick Mohamed, who got eight of them right
18:41and got my name.
18:42Well done, Nick Mohamed.
18:44APPLAUSE
18:48What are the scores?
18:49Well, Nick is back in the game.
18:50Ah, at last.
18:51Joint first with John, again, on eight points.
18:54Wow.
18:56APPLAUSE
18:58Alex, do you have a test with a bit of scale?
19:01Oh, I do.
19:02A nice bit of scale and a nice bit of horses.
19:05Ooh.
19:19Hi, Alex.
19:22Hi, Nick.
19:23Very dramatic scene.
19:26You look fabulous.
19:28Really?
19:29Get off my land!
19:32Oh, funny-looking farmer.
19:34I'm not a scary farmer.
19:36Hello, Alex.
19:37Morning, John.
19:37Here we are in nature.
19:39Yeah, I know.
19:40It's gorgeous, isn't it?
19:40Is it?
19:41Yeah.
19:42I'm fishing out of water.
19:44I'm a sort of city person.
19:45I think you're just a fish out of water wherever you are.
19:48Right.
19:48Oh, God.
19:51There's a lot of stuff in there.
19:54Create the biggest and best dot-to-dot picture.
19:58Biggest and best dot-to-dot picture wins.
20:00You have 20 minutes.
20:01Your time starts now.
20:04Oh, you have different numbers for different...
20:07Right, then, of course.
20:09OK, so there's my dots.
20:12This is obviously my canvas.
20:15It has to be a continuous line, does it?
20:17That's how dot-to-dots work.
20:19Oh, OK.
20:20But if you want to have a break in a line,
20:22you can turn the number over and we'll carry on.
20:23You see what I mean?
20:24Right.
20:25Makes sense.
20:25So, biggest and best.
20:26Biggest and best.
20:27OK.
20:28So, I'm not arty now.
20:29At all.
20:30You've got other skills.
20:31I do?
20:32Yeah.
20:33What are they?
20:34I don't know yet.
20:35OK, let's go.
20:39APPLAUSE
20:40I'm looking at you, Steve,
20:41because I imagine it's only you and I here
20:43whose childhood would have been dominated
20:45by such entertainment.
20:46All the time.
20:47Sitting next to Granny.
20:48Yeah.
20:48Doing the dot-to-dots.
20:49That's right.
20:50Taking the potion.
20:51But I always found that in dot-to-dot magazines
20:53that they would show, like, some hooves.
20:55Yeah.
20:56And a nose and a tail.
20:58And you go, well, I mean, this is a...
20:59This is a fucking horse, obviously.
21:02But I'll go through the motions.
21:03Anyway, my point is, I'm very much looking forward to that.
21:07Hey, Rosie.
21:09You OK?
21:1214, 16, 17...
21:16They think I've got mad, but they can't see what I see.
21:21Oh, God!
21:22Oh, bloody hell!
21:22Kicking off over there.
21:32Jesus Christ!
21:3681.
21:39Oh, excuse me!
21:41Sophie!
21:41That's horrific!
21:43I think she was making a statement, weren't she, really?
21:48I think I'm done!
21:50Ah!
21:50Right, well, we'll draw on the dots and, er, see what Craig thinks.
21:54Thanks, man.
21:55See ya!
22:01And when I come back, I hope there's a red dot in the bottom corner.
22:05Think about that.
22:07Oh, shit!
22:08Oh, you're kidding!
22:13APPLAUSE
22:14Never have anyone been so swiftly punished for being cocky.
22:19Yeah.
22:19Yeah.
22:20You got on well with the horses, though, didn't you, Sophie?
22:23You haven't quite the chat with them until Fartgate.
22:25Yes.
22:26It's very upsetting.
22:28Very close.
22:29Very close.
22:29She waited till she got right close.
22:30But you didn't jump back.
22:31You just went, I'm here now.
22:33I had to commit to the dot-to-dot.
22:35Didn't want to lose my focus.
22:37Joanne, did you enjoy this task?
22:38Not really, no.
22:40No.
22:41I wouldn't...
22:42Again, I struggle.
22:43I'm not big into the art or numbers, so it was a challenge for me.
22:47Nick.
22:48Hmm?
22:48The highlight for me so far with you in this task is you just really sweetly turning to a horse
22:53and going,
22:53you OK?
22:54LAUGHTER
22:56I, too, was getting a little bit nervous, cos they did follow you around.
23:00I think they thought that there was food in that trolley little thing.
23:04I mean, they did look like wild horses to me.
23:07We were very worried.
23:08We didn't know they were going to be there.
23:09LAUGHTER
23:10Big!
23:11Considering the amount of health and safety discussions I've had over the course of this series...
23:16Yeah.
23:17..not one mention of the fact I was doing an enormous dot-to-dot around wild horses.
23:21No.
23:22And they were landmines.
23:24LAUGHTER
23:26Right.
23:26Let's see their dot-to-dots after these companies raise your money pots.
23:31Ooh!
23:34APPLAUSE
23:42Hello!
23:44Welcome back to Taskmaster.
23:46It's part three and we have some dots to join.
23:48Mm-mm.
23:49Yes, we do.
23:49Dots to join and eyes to cross.
23:51They've made what they hope to be the biggest and best dot-to-dot pictures of their lives.
23:57First up, here is Nick's pick.
24:05LAUGHTER
24:07LAUGHTER
24:09Yeah.
24:10Is it an umbrella that won't open?
24:11No.
24:12Does anyone know what it is?
24:15Oboes.
24:16Balloon and oboe?
24:17Is it a balloon or an oboe?
24:19No.
24:19The scope of guesses tells you how shit it is.
24:22LAUGHTER
24:23Is it a balloon?
24:25LAUGHTER
24:27Or is it an oboe?
24:29LAUGHTER
24:30I feel it might be one of those things that when I tell you, you'll be like,
24:33oh, I'm kicking myself.
24:36LAUGHTER
24:36And can you tell me?
24:37It's just a very happy snake.
24:39So...
24:39LAUGHTER
24:44So it's sort of coiled about a bit and that's part of its body
24:48and then that top bit, it's its head and it's smiling.
24:51LAUGHTER
24:52Look at the size of those horses, they're tiny.
24:54It's taken you ages to walk up there.
24:56LAUGHTER
24:56What were you thinking all the way up there?
24:58I don't know what I was thinking about.
25:00I wasn't thinking about the task, but...
25:02LAUGHTER
25:02I mean, so far, so bad.
25:04Who's next?
25:05Would you like to look at John Robbins' dot-to-dot picture?
25:07Yes, please.
25:11LAUGHTER
25:16APPLAUSE
25:17APPLAUSE
25:19Thank you.
25:21Balloon-on-o-bow.
25:24LAUGHTER
25:26That is your classic dot-to-dot.
25:28It's just dot-to-dot 101 on an enormous scale,
25:32with horses in a heatwave, in a Freddie Mercury jacket,
25:37almost having a cardiac arrest.
25:38LAUGHTER
25:40we found the number one and the number five let's see Sofie's Dr. Dot now here we go
25:47오! 오! 오!
25:48오! 오!
25:49오! 오!
25:50오! 오!
25:54오!
25:55오!
25:58오!
25:58오!
25:58오!
26:00오!
26:03I really effed that up, to be honest.
26:06I'm chuffed.
26:07Was there any moment that inspired that picture?
26:10I always knew I can draw a cow.
26:12I've been able to do it from a really young age.
26:14Everyone in the industry says that about you.
26:17LAUGHTER
26:17I think it's the first time I'm able to say this to you, Sophie.
26:21Well done, that's good.
26:23LAUGHTER
26:23Thank you!
26:25APPLAUSE
26:28We're going to see Steve Cumberton's Dutch Dot next.
26:30There we go.
26:31Two cock and balls.
26:34Oh, my God.
26:36He's framed it.
26:38Oh, my God!
26:40APPLAUSE
26:46I mean, you've framed and signed it. Such showboating.
26:50It's not sold, though.
26:51No, someone's put an offer in it.
26:53Someone's put an offer in it.
26:53It'll be held for the next 24 hours.
26:55Am I 100% sure I know what that is?
26:58Think art.
27:00It's not the scream, is it?
27:01I think if you squint...
27:02I am squinting.
27:03..and then think of a different picture.
27:06LAUGHTER
27:07The eyes follow you round the room.
27:09Mona Lisa.
27:11APPLAUSE
27:11It is the Mona Lisa.
27:13APPLAUSE
27:15Well, not to be overly vulgar, but how the fuck is that the Mona Lisa?
27:19LAUGHTER
27:20Once you've bought it, it can be whatever you want it to be.
27:23LAUGHTER
27:23Who's next?
27:24Jo-Anne, here is your dot-to-dot.
27:30Oh, actually, it's not that bad!
27:33LAUGHTER
27:35I thought it was going to be a lot worse than that.
27:38It's not an anchor, is it?
27:39You can't really change what it is, cos it looks like...
27:41It looks like fallopian tubes.
27:42Yeah, it does.
27:44Can I say it genuinely is going to be my second guess?
27:46It was supposed to be...
27:47Do you know the moustaches that the lads wear on the Penny Farthings?
27:51The, like, Mauvember-style moustaches.
27:53The really twirly ones.
27:54Now, now we're getting...
27:55It's not that bad!
27:56Jesus Christ!
27:57Oh, it is.
27:58It is!
28:00Yeah, she's on the moustache.
28:01I don't know what the bit down the middle is.
28:03Hmm, you said it was a moustache with a labial fold.
28:06LAUGHTER
28:07It's a moustache atop a vagina.
28:10No!
28:11No!
28:12These things!
28:13Are they called labial folds?
28:14Those dents that go down from your... around your mouth.
28:18Yeah.
28:18Oh, well, just beneath my big clitoris here.
28:22LAUGHTER
28:22I thought they were called...
28:24I thought that was called your labia fold.
28:25It might be, it might be.
28:27A labia fold.
28:28That's what I thought it was, so that's what I was drawing there.
28:30Oh, we've got...
28:31It's called...
28:31Go on.
28:32It's called a nasolabial fold.
28:34Yeah.
28:35APPLAUSE
28:37A nasolabial fold.
28:38I mean, it still doesn't look like one, but I did try.
28:40Oh, no, I mean, the picture's still shit, but that's an...
28:42That's an interesting fact.
28:44There you go.
28:45Yeah.
28:45OK, I can show you all five of them in one go, so you can judge them.
28:48Yeah, I've already judged them, but let's have a look.
28:50LAUGHTER
28:50Oh, yeah.
28:52There's something to like in all of them.
28:54OK.
28:54Which is worst?
28:55Nick's.
28:56Yes.
28:57Correct.
28:58LAUGHTER
29:00Joanne's was educational, but is the second worst.
29:03Yes.
29:03OK, the nasolabial fold gets two points.
29:05Yes, and I think this is very mean of me, given the effort that went into it,
29:09but Steve's does not look like the Mona Lisa.
29:12Three points.
29:13OK, three points to Steve.
29:14Which way do you think I'm going to go?
29:16Mine is massive.
29:18Just...
29:19LAUGHTER
29:21I'll say, for balance, Sophie's looks a nicer piece of art than mine.
29:25It is without question better, but I should reward scale.
29:29So I'm going to give them both five points.
29:33APPLAUSE
29:34LAUGHTER
29:37All right, hit me up with another task, young fellow, my lad.
29:40OK, well, here's a portion of a task for you.
29:43Aw.
29:59Good day.
30:01Smiley.
30:01Yes, always.
30:03Hello.
30:04Hi, team.
30:05Hello.
30:06Are you two getting on well?
30:07Getting on very well, famously.
30:09Yeah.
30:10There we are.
30:10It's just, honestly, wonderful to hang out.
30:15Always look on the back of the task.
30:16Oh, yeah.
30:19Five, six, seven, half nine, half eleven, five, half four.
30:24I'm numerically dyslexic, so I'm going to tap out now.
30:27Right.
30:27You're out, are you, John?
30:28I'm out.
30:29Right.
30:30I'll look under the table, because that's often something you have to do.
30:34Something on the ceiling or under the table.
30:37OK.
30:37Fastest team to discover the other half of this task wins.
30:41You must always hold hands.
30:43Your time starts now.
30:44Hold each other's hands.
30:45Can we read it?
30:46OK.
30:46Fastest team to discover the other half of this task wins.
30:50Time starts now.
30:51Right.
30:52Five.
30:53Five, six, seven.
30:55Five, six, seven.
30:56Five, six, seven.
30:56I'm just going to adjust the way I'm holding your hands.
30:58OK.
30:58There we go.
30:59You went very tight, though, Steve.
31:00I did.
31:01I didn't want to let him go.
31:03APPLAUSE
31:09Numerically dyslexic?
31:10Once I see numbers, the brain just...
31:11I just mentally just tap out.
31:13I love the idea that you can just tap out of things you don't like.
31:17That's it.
31:17I mean, I can't wait to see them.
31:18There's not much to say other than Steve holds hands like he's taking a prisoner.
31:23OK.
31:24Well, let's begin with those two, shall we?
31:26Yes.
31:26Let's have a look.
31:27Here is how Steve and Nick got on.
31:29Numbers.
31:30Is there numbers on these over here?
31:32Maybe.
31:33No.
31:33Put it to five.
31:35See what happens.
31:36I'd love it if something...
31:38No, nothing.
31:39Oh, hang on.
31:40There's a key here.
31:42Sam's clock key.
31:43OK.
31:44OK.
31:44Open, open, open, open.
31:45All right.
31:46Who's Sam?
31:46I don't know.
31:48Sam?
31:48Is Sam there?
31:49There's something at the bottom.
31:52Can you see it?
31:53Put your hand in.
31:54I'm lifting it.
31:57Can you get it?
31:58Yeah, got it.
32:00Yeah.
32:00It's the pendulum.
32:02Oh, it's just the pendulum.
32:05There you go.
32:06Stop the clock?
32:07Oh, you have to stop the clock.
32:09I think we've got to get out of here.
32:11OK, I think I've got an inspiration.
32:13Go on.
32:14There's a clock in here.
32:15Is there?
32:16Do you have to set all the clocks?
32:18OK.
32:20Keep going.
32:22No, it's not doing anything.
32:23It's not doing anything.
32:24Five, six, seven, half.
32:27That was half...
32:28What was that?
32:29Half...
32:29No, that was half five.
32:33There is no half five.
32:35No, oh, my God.
32:37I feel like we're onto something.
32:39Why are you so convinced it's to do a time?
32:42Half five, six, half nine, half eleven.
32:44One, five, four.
32:46I feel like we're missing something.
32:48I'm enjoying holding hands.
32:50I am, actually.
32:50It's very good.
32:51It's quite sweet.
32:52Ah, OK.
32:54That's a CD.
32:55Is something in it?
32:56Would it be track numbers?
32:57No, there isn't.
32:58So that's just a prop.
33:00It's not that.
33:01No.
33:02Shall we look everywhere?
33:06Oh.
33:07Hello.
33:08Oh.
33:11Two, three.
33:12No.
33:13No.
33:16Oh!
33:18Fourteen steps forward, nine steps left, six steps left, five steps left.
33:24From where?
33:25I think from here, right?
33:27Let's try it.
33:29One.
33:30Two.
33:31Three.
33:31Four.
33:32One.
33:33Two.
33:34Three.
33:35Four.
33:36Five.
33:37Six.
33:38Seven.
33:38Eight.
33:40One.
33:41Two.
33:41Three.
33:42Four.
33:42Five.
33:43Six.
33:43Yes.
33:44One.
33:44Two.
33:45Three.
33:46Four.
33:46Five.
33:47Yeah.
33:49Ah.
33:50What?
33:52Oh, it's there, it's there.
33:53Well done.
33:55I've got jammy hands.
33:57Yeah, me too.
33:58Okay.
33:59Oh, God.
33:59Okay, let's see what we have to do.
34:01Fastest team to go to the lab, discover the cake, eat one half, put the other half in
34:05the post box, put a flower on top of this task and then sit on top of this task, wins
34:08five points.
34:09You must not necessarily always have hands.
34:12That's up to you.
34:12Your time started when you said your time starts now.
34:15Right, so let's go and do all the stuff to the cake.
34:18Okay, go, go, go.
34:19Love it.
34:20Love cake.
34:24Half of the post box.
34:29Where's the post box?
34:31Oh.
34:35All right.
34:35Some flowers here.
34:36How was the cake?
34:38It's delicious, actually.
34:39It's really nice.
34:40I'm just cleaning the hands.
34:42Okay.
34:43Oh, yeah.
34:44I've stopped the clock.
34:46I actually don't think we did too bad, Dan.
34:48No.
34:48What about those times?
34:50Oh, that was a low point, wasn't it?
34:53APPLAUSE
34:57My overriding feeling watching them is that what I'm watching is a perfectly happy couple
35:03on Bargain Hunt.
35:04It was one of the happiest days of my life.
35:07It was wonderful.
35:08Just ferreting around in shops.
35:10Yes.
35:10Yeah, it was very sweet to watch.
35:12It was genuinely just very nice.
35:14It was.
35:14We had a good time.
35:15We got cake in the bargain.
35:16Yeah.
35:16They did very well.
35:17They noticed some clues.
35:18They missed some clues.
35:19There was a disk.
35:19There was a few things pointing you to disks, and that disk was where it was hidden.
35:22But they found it and completed the task in 11 minutes, 12 seconds.
35:28Right.
35:28One part to go.
35:29These guys are gunning for some gifts for Granny.
35:32And if you wanted to buy my Granny a gift, you'll have to wrench her out of the cryogenic
35:36chamber we popped her in back in 93.
35:38See you after the break.
35:51Hello!
35:52Coming!
35:53Coming!
35:54Come on!
35:55Come one and all.
35:56It's the final part of the show, and there's a team task underway.
36:00Yes, indeed.
36:01They're trying to complete the task, but only received half of it to begin with.
36:04It's the team of three's turn now.
36:06Here's how they got on.
36:07So, I wonder, it's a clock face maybe?
36:10Clock.
36:10Five.
36:11Five.
36:12Yes, very good!
36:16Oh!
36:17Sam's clock keys.
36:20Does it work for this door?
36:21Oh!
36:21Oh, he's got him.
36:22I don't think there's anything.
36:24I think the clock is a ruse.
36:25I read Harry.
36:26OK, what could it be apart from clocks?
36:28I think we should go and see other clocks.
36:32He's got a clock.
36:33No, I think you're right.
36:34Does he?
36:35No, I don't think it's a clock.
36:37No.
36:38It's a tap.
36:38Oh, there's a clock.
36:40No, that's not a clock.
36:41That's a...
36:41That's a bee hotel.
36:43Right.
36:44In here?
36:45Yeah.
36:49Oh!
36:50Ah!
36:51We've got it!
36:52Oh, well done!
36:53It's there!
36:53No way!
36:53It's there.
36:54Hold on.
36:55Yeah, there it is.
36:56Look!
36:59Ready?
37:00Fastest team to go to the lab, discover the cake, eat one half, put the other half in the
37:05right, so go to the lab.
37:07Eat the other half and put it in work.
37:09Get in the lab!
37:11Oh!
37:12Fastest team to go to the lab, discover the cake, eat one half, put the other half in
37:16the post box, put a flower on top of this task, and then sit on top of this task wins
37:20five
37:20points.
37:21You must not necessarily always hold your hands.
37:23That's up to you.
37:24Your time started when you said your time starts now.
37:27I don't want to eat the kayak.
37:28You eat the cake.
37:29Yeah.
37:29Why am I using my...
37:31Oh.
37:32Oh, there's a...
37:32There's something in it.
37:33Eat one half.
37:34Bloody hell.
37:36Fourteen steps forward, nine steps left, six steps left.
37:40That'll be where the post box is.
37:41You need to sit on that now.
37:43Hang on a sec.
37:44Oh, we don't have to hold hands.
37:45One, two, three.
37:47Does she have to count the steps?
37:49I don't have to see anything.
37:51That's loads.
37:52You've eaten half.
37:52Come on.
37:54Six, one, two, three, four, five, six.
38:03Five steps left.
38:05There's no post box here.
38:07Put the other half in the post box.
38:09Did we find the post box?
38:09I've not found it, no.
38:13The post box.
38:15Oh, there we go.
38:16Oh, great.
38:17Well done.
38:18Beautiful.
38:20Put a flower on top of it and sit on the flower.
38:22We all sit on it, maybe?
38:23Yep.
38:24Ah!
38:25Sorry.
38:26I've stopped the clock.
38:27Woo!
38:27Great.
38:28Can I check what all the numbers meant on the back?
38:30Nothing.
38:30They were there to throw us off.
38:32We skip the deets.
38:33We just go straight to the end.
38:34It's going to be good.
38:34Gut.
38:35Instinct.
38:36Yeah.
38:40But you're not all going to get invited on Bargain Hunt,
38:43I'll tell you that.
38:44Chaos, wasn't it?
38:46We didn't know what we were doing.
38:47No way.
38:48Yeah.
38:49Just wandering around and then...
38:51I felt that John was in charge for the first section of it
38:54and then someone gave him cake.
38:55LAUGHTER
38:57It was all over.
38:58I was done.
38:59Shall I...
39:00Before I tell you how quick they were, those numbers, the pesky numbers,
39:03do you want to know what they meant?
39:04I want pesky numbers and I want them big time.
39:05Basically, the numbers refer to the words on the half of the task
39:10that you had.
39:10So the task looked like this.
39:12And if you look at words number five, six, seven, half of nine,
39:17half of eleven, five again, and half of four,
39:20it says the other half is in the disc.
39:22Oh.
39:22So it's simple and obvious.
39:24Hmm.
39:26Well, it's 11 minutes and 12 seconds to beat.
39:30They were faster.
39:31Yes, they were faster.
39:32Yeah.
39:32Of course.
39:33They didn't stop to have a lovely wander around the night.
39:36They were slightly faster.
39:37They did it in ten minutes and five seconds.
39:39Yes.
39:39Well done, Tim.
39:43Just one minute and seven seconds in it,
39:45so it's up to you how you distribute the points.
39:47Five and four.
39:47The team of three get five points.
39:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
39:52So, shall we see some scores before the final task?
39:54Yes, of course.
39:55At the top, it's Sophie with a 14 and John with 18.
39:58Ah.
40:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:02Please make you wait to the stage for the final task of the show!
40:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
40:11Hello there, my old friend.
40:13Wow, let's do this.
40:15Woo!
40:16Who's reading the task out?
40:18The current leader, John Robbins.
40:21Pass all your loo roll through your loo roll in a tube.
40:26If your loo roll breaks at any point,
40:29you must put down your loo roll
40:30and put both your hands in the air for ten seconds
40:33before carrying on.
40:36Fastest wins.
40:37OK, so it's one of our highbrow tasks.
40:40LAUGHTER
40:41Good luck.
40:42Start!
40:43WHISTLE BLOWS
40:43And they're off.
40:44Oh!
40:53Steve looks like the end of platoon.
40:55No, just Nick.
40:56Just Nick.
40:56Sorry, Steve.
40:57You've got another two seconds.
40:59What?
41:00Oh!
41:00Oh, I see.
41:01Oh, my word.
41:03LAUGHTER
41:04No, not yet, please.
41:05I've got the clock.
41:07John, you're back in.
41:08It's a bad fly.
41:10Go back in as well.
41:11Thank you.
41:11Not you, Nick!
41:13Yes, you're back in.
41:14Thank you.
41:17All the loo roll has to go through.
41:18All of...
41:20OK, let's start for the clock.
41:21Start for the clock for you.
41:23Oh, right.
41:24Yes, Steve.
41:25Not you, Nick.
41:26Yes, Nick.
41:29Thank you.
41:31That's still attached.
41:32Yes, that's still attached.
41:33It won't be for long.
41:35How are you getting on, Sophie?
41:36Fantastic.
41:37Do you know which bits of loo roll are yours?
41:39It all has to go through.
41:40Yeah, this bit's fine.
41:41Right.
41:41What about the bits at the front?
41:42What bits at the front?
41:43Doesn't matter.
41:43Oh, shh.
41:45Yep, OK, Sophie.
41:46Loo roll down.
41:47Put your loo roll down, please, Sophie.
41:48Loo roll?
41:49Yeah.
41:51Well, half the loo roll, that's fine.
41:52Yep, you're back in.
41:53You're back in.
41:54John's broken, but he got a lot through.
41:56Does it all go through?
41:56No.
41:57Oh, you're doing that.
41:58I didn't notice.
41:59Sorry.
42:00Am I done?
42:00I thought he was celebrating.
42:02No.
42:02Not yet!
42:03Well, you aren't timing it!
42:04I'm timing it!
42:06Look, you're back in.
42:07I'm sorry.
42:08I literally thought we'd won the task.
42:09Alex, I don't think you've ever been this stressed.
42:14Come here.
42:15Oh, thank you.
42:17Yay!
42:20Lovely.
42:21Lovely stuff.
42:22Lovely.
42:23I've got a problem with Lauren.
42:24What's the problem with yours, man?
42:25It's blocked.
42:28I'm making a picture of the Mona Lisa.
42:33Steve, you could help me, actually.
42:35Yeah, of course I will.
42:36Thank you.
42:37Yeah.
42:37Steve would like to help.
42:38We didn't say they couldn't help, right?
42:40It's better when we're tighter.
42:41Sorry.
42:42Always.
42:44Done it!
42:50Alex, does that count?
42:52I basically removed the tube and then sort of wrapped the tube around the...
42:57If you would like to say you've done it, we will analyse the footage.
42:59OK.
43:00OK.
43:01Nick has done it.
43:02Didn't see.
43:03Yeah.
43:05Oh, I thought it was right.
43:06Sorry.
43:06I thought it was right.
43:08You're back in.
43:09Sophie.
43:10I'm back in.
43:11What?
43:11No, you're not back in.
43:12You come fourth and then we have a second.
43:16We're finished!
43:17Finished!
43:20Come down and we'll head back to your final score!
43:22Oh!
43:23Well done, well done.
43:24Well done.
43:30Can I show you all their final inner tubes?
43:32You better.
43:32You'll notice there's only one bald inner tube.
43:35Some of the inner tubes had loo roll on and I see...
43:38But they do adhese to the last bit.
43:41Well, I thought that too, but then look at Joanne's inner tube.
43:45It's so bald.
43:47If there was any tissue left on those rolls, I'm not allowing this.
43:50These three didn't get quite all their loo roll through their loo roll inner tube.
43:53Well, then they failed the tasks.
43:58I had about 20 minutes standing there making things of marvellous things.
44:04I could have done it.
44:06You really helped me.
44:08Nick's inner tube, on the other hand...
44:10Yeah.
44:11There is no loo roll on it, but also it's not a tube any more.
44:14He managed to widen it.
44:16But it is the inner tube stuff.
44:18Yeah, as long as the tissue passes through it and not over it.
44:22Can we have a look?
44:26I think it's... I think it's spine.
44:30He's not passed a tissue to the tube.
44:32He's ripped the tube open and he's wrapped it round some of the tissue.
44:36It's madness.
44:37Are we saying that only Joanne McNally completed the task?
44:40Yes.
44:40Yes.
44:41In which case, it goes zero, zero, zero, zero.
44:43Joanne McNally gets five points.
44:44Correct.
44:47Yes!
44:48Can I say it, please?
44:50Yes, well, it has changed things.
44:52Nick didn't get any points there, so he is rock bottom of the series with 47.
44:55One behind Sophie on 48.
44:57Don't laugh.
44:58Steve's on 68.
44:59Joanne, with those five points, has leaped above him to 73.
45:03John's on 75.
45:04In this episode.
45:05Joanne, you've got 17 points.
45:07John, you've got 18 points.
45:12John Robbins wins.
45:13Please go and gather your gifts for Granny.
45:16CHEERING
45:19So, what have we learnt in today's show?
45:21We've learnt that in this dark world of grill-wearing, slut-dropping grannies, it's good to know that you can
45:27still turn on your television and watch a wholesome couple just pottering around together.
45:32And we'll see you next time on Bargain Hunt.
45:34Yes?
45:35Yes!
45:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:39And now, here's tonight's mighty winner, it's John Robbins!
45:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:01She's stoked for spinning.
46:02Thanks, Mark.
46:03Yes, Iede.
46:05Soaaaah!
46:12What if you look forward?
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