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00:05It smells like a fucking pot dispensary in here.
00:09Norm, no, I don't know who Bill Boggs is.
00:11The name sounds familiar.
00:13Oh, shut up.
00:14One of the odd smoke came billowing out of my mouth after half an hour.
00:18Really, you think your audience is that dumb?
00:20They're going to sit home and go, oh my God, Todd Glass, half an hour into his interview,
00:23smoke came billowing out of his mouth.
00:26You know, I think you tricked me.
00:28You tricked me.
00:29This is so embarrassing for you.
00:31I don't know if I should admit it.
00:33He made me smoke pot.
00:35This is the truth.
00:36I don't believe in God, but my truth.
00:40Outside, he goes, come on, you'll smoke, you'll smoke, you'll smoke.
00:42I'm like, if you want me to smoke, I'll smoke.
00:44I didn't plan on it.
00:45You asked me, what were those comics back in Philadelphia that I was just mentioning?
00:49We're going to answer that comedian in Philadelphia, too.
00:52The crowd's going to be very impressed.
00:54They're going to be like, you know, they went all over the place, but they always came back to their...
00:57They always came back to who you liked when you were young in Philadelphia.
01:05Here's something I do try to do in comedy.
01:07And, you know, I make no apologies about it.
01:10I love to talk about comedy, not because I think I'm great, because I want to try to be better
01:15every year.
01:16I like it, so I love to talk about it, of course, you know.
01:19And so I try to at least do comedy.
01:22I hope most of my evolving comes from being a decent person, but I'll tell you, make no mistake about
01:29it.
01:29A lot of it comes from, I don't want to be one of these comedians on the wrong side of
01:31history.
01:32And I fucking love comedy, but if you go look at old stuff...
01:35Yes.
01:35Whew.
01:37God damn it.
01:37Aren't comedians today going, that's embarrassing?
01:40Yes.
01:40And by the way, you could say this.
01:41Well, whenever you look at comedy 30 years later, no.
01:44No, no.
01:45Rodney Dangerfield, I'm punching the wall.
01:47Not only, I'm not talking about whether it was funny then or not, how much of it is racist or
01:52sexist or homophobic, fluffy, the audiences are liking it.
01:56So now, I think about it today, because, you know, so quickly you can turn into doing the same thing.
02:02So you've got to be very aware of it.
02:04You've got to look into the future.
02:05It's like the word retard.
02:08Well, hey, don't get me started.
02:10That's the word right now, because I think people have stopped saying gay meaning lame.
02:14Yeah.
02:15They're more involved.
02:17However, the word retard is still, I think...
02:19Here's the thing.
02:20And, yes, I like talking about it.
02:22I've talked about it before.
02:23And I hope in time that I'm right, but I also hope this footage is available in 20 years or
02:2810 years.
02:29Some people are holding on to it, and it's amazing, because before you argue that they should stop saying retarded,
02:35I like to ask two questions.
02:36I go, number one, because you have to find out about their past.
02:38And if they answer these questions differently, I give them the different speech.
02:42I go, do you think, Jew me down.
02:44Do you think we stopped it because, ugh, we shouldn't have had to, but people are so PC.
02:49And if they went, no, that's horrible.
02:50Do you think we stopped saying N-rig, which means, you know, or N-rich, or nigger-rich, or nigger
02:56-rig, which were terms that some people are going.
02:58Were they terms?
02:59Because, well, it's a fine.
03:01Or do you think we just shouldn't use people to be.
03:02Or what do they say when you, hey, stop with that joint there.
03:06You're getting spit on it.
03:08So, no, hold on a second.
03:09So, most people would say that we stopped those things because it was egregious.
03:12Yes.
03:13I know what I'm saying.
03:14You know, I know.
03:15And so you have to say.
03:16I was trying to give you another example.
03:17So, if the answer is no to those things, like we stopped them because they were bad, then why do
03:21you fucking think that retarded is going to stand the test of time?
03:24I don't get why.
03:25Just look into the past.
03:27Just look into the past.
03:28Using, here's what it is.
03:29It's not about the individual.
03:31This is using someone's being as an adjective.
03:33How's it stand the test of time?
03:35And it never does.
03:37Never does.
03:37You look back and you're like, oh, yeah.
03:39So, either is this.
03:40But people fight the fight like they're brave.
03:42And I noticed something.
03:43And I fucking love stand-up comedy.
03:45I really do.
03:45And I love so much of it.
03:47But most comedians, there's always exceptions.
03:49Don't go find George Carr or Richard Pryor saying something brilliant and think I'm not making sense.
03:53But most comedians that are complaining, you can't say anything anymore, have nothing to fucking say except use stereotypes and
04:00sexist and then try to sell it as, you know what?
04:03If you want to do those jokes because they're easy, fucking do them.
04:06And I defend you to do them.
04:07Do whatever you fucking want.
04:09But don't act like you're brave because you're doing jokes that 90% of the audience get.
04:14You want to be brave?
04:15Make fun of the people that give transvestites a hard time.
04:18Not make fun of them.
04:19Okay?
04:19You're not brave.
04:20And it really does.
04:21When I start talking about it, I get angry because it's fucking gross that you want to do it.
04:24Not you.
04:25You want to do it.
04:26But don't.
04:26You're saying it like it's mean.
04:27No, no, no.
04:28You know.
04:28You know.
04:29Yeah, yeah.
04:30But that's funny for you to say that.
04:31But you know I don't fucking think that about you.
04:33I know you don't think that.
04:33But I find it because you do that all the time.
04:35Yeah.
04:36You get very angry.
04:37Yeah.
04:37And then you're like.
04:38And then I said to the guy, you're a fucking racist.
04:40And then 20 minutes later, you're yelling at me.
04:42At a restaurant.
04:43Yeah.
04:45But I know I'm right.
04:46And you know why I get angry in that speech?
04:48Because I've said that.
04:48Because you're high.
04:49No, that's not high.
04:50No, you're not high.
04:52Because I think anybody should do whatever they want.
04:54It's not like comedians should be able to do this.
04:56Every fucking comedian should be able to do what they want.
04:58But don't try to wrap it up as braveness when it's laziness.
05:01Please, just spare me.
05:02Show me a little fucking respect that you're not going to try to sell that crap you do as
05:07braveness and fighting for what's right.
05:09That's a brilliant point.
05:10How would satire stand up?
05:13Look, I think the truth tells the truth.
05:15And for any time that somebody could legitimately go, well, Todd, you laugh at that.
05:20And that's someone more articulate than me could explain the difference.
05:23And by the way, sometimes even satire crosses the line.
05:25But sometimes it's brilliant.
05:26And my question is to the comedians or some that do that, it's like, I'm not worried about
05:31making, you know, people go, no matter what you do, you're going to offend somebody.
05:33I get it.
05:34I'm not saying to drop your joke because some dumb person in the audience didn't get it.
05:38Yes.
05:39But don't drop it if the brilliant people in the audience know it's wrong.
05:43Because brilliant people are out seeing comedy.
05:45And if you're offending them, worry about that.
05:48And if you're not, if there's no brilliant people in your audience, well, maybe it's your
05:51fault.
05:51What the fuck are you doing?
05:52Yeah.
05:53Or your whole audience is idiots.
05:55Well, for instance, my brother is a schizophrenic.
05:58So growing up, I always hated any joke about a schizophrenic where it was like a dual personality
06:04because that's not what schizophrenia is.
06:06So it offended me rightly.
06:08Yeah.
06:09Because that's not what a schizophrenic is.
06:11You understand what I'm saying?
06:13A schizophrenic is not a person that has two personalities.
06:16A schizophrenic is...
06:17A schizophrenic, you know what a paranoid schizophrenic is.
06:20Oh, yeah.
06:21What is what you're talking about?
06:22When you have two personalities, that's not called schizophrenia.
06:24Fultiple personality or something.
06:26But, you know, oftentimes I'd hear a joke about...
06:28Here's something that was...
06:29When I grew up, I would see jokes on The Tonight Show about...
06:33And I'd see comics do it about milk cartons with missing children on them.
06:39Good God.
06:40Well, and here's, I think, the fear of somebody watching.
06:43And it at least was mine, too.
06:44I think crude is funny.
06:46I think crass is funny.
06:47Crude.
06:48Crass.
06:48It fucking makes me laugh.
06:49Again, just be crude and crass towards the right things.
06:53Yeah.
06:53And because I think what everyone's saying is, God, can't we have a sense of humor?
06:56Can't we laugh at each other?
06:58Most comedians that use that on stage, that line a lot.
07:00Can't we laugh at each other?
07:01Can't they laugh at each other?
07:02I want to go, of course we can laugh at each other.
07:04What the fuck are you talking about?
07:05That's not your question.
07:06Yeah.
07:06Your question is, can't we laugh at each other?
07:08Stereotypes have been overdone.
07:09Can't we?
07:10Yeah, yeah.
07:11Yeah, exactly.
07:11You're fighting a fake argument, like a paper argument, to make pretend, like, can't we laugh
07:15at each other?
07:16Yeah, stop fucking asking that.
07:17Everybody can laugh at each other.
07:18Yeah.
07:18Now, what are you doing?
07:19Yeah.
07:20You're just laughing, yeah.
07:21Like, you're gay, I'm straight, this guy...
07:28Here's something that's interesting.
07:29I remember in the gay marriage debate, right?
07:32And the Republicans, they would have the debate, and the guy would go, well, what's not?
07:36What's next?
07:37If there's gay marriage, then there's next thing, you know, there's going to be, you
07:42know, a guy marrying six women, you know what I mean?
07:45Like a polygamy.
07:46And then I thought, and then people would go, well, that's not a, the gay people would
07:50go, that's not...
07:52But, what the fuck's wrong with polygamy?
07:55Maybe that statement will not look good in history.
07:58Well, I think when it's two consenting adults, I try not to judge.
08:02Or six.
08:02Or six, or 12, or whatever it is.
08:04So polygamy's okay?
08:05Well, I think, I would guess, and I'm pulling this out of my ass, that people that are in
08:08the polygamy are tired of people thinking that is part of molesting children.
08:13I would imagine there's people that are in the polygamy that know how egregious that is,
08:17they don't want to be associated with it, and I would imagine that's upsetting for them
08:20when people lump it.
08:21Wait, are you saying polygamy is...
08:22I'm guessing, I don't know.
08:24Are you saying polygamy is...
08:26If it's five consenting adults, leave them the fuck alone.
08:28Well, polygamy is stereotyped as child molesting.
08:33I think it gets lumped in there.
08:34And by the way, I'm not a polygamy.
08:35The same way that gays were accused of child molesting for years.
08:42Right.
08:42Right?
08:43Yeah, you know, the thing is, if you tell...
08:44Listen, man, I'm going to tell you this right now.
08:48Maybe I'm old-fashioned, you know?
08:51But, like, you tell me, because you're a gay guy.
08:54But I go into a gym.
08:55I go into a workout.
08:57You know what I mean?
08:57I want to work out, and I want to get my pecs and lats and shit like that, right?
09:01You know what I'm talking about.
09:02Mm-hmm.
09:03But then I go into the locker room.
09:05Now, the last thing I want to see there is some guy's fucking hot, beautiful asshole.
09:15You know what I mean?
09:16Like, I go there, and I do the curls.
09:18I do this thing here.
09:20You literally do none of those things.
09:21That gets the chest, and I go like this.
09:23You know what I mean?
09:23Yeah.
09:24I don't want to be in the fucking locker room, hiding behind a fucking thing, staring at the
09:29guy's beautiful balls from behind.
09:30You know what I mean?
09:31I got no time for that shit.
09:32I went to Brokeback Mountain, and I thought it was a Western.
09:36Fucking tell me it's a Western.
09:37No, I'm not.
09:38I hope I'm not.
09:39You know, that's what everybody says that tries to sneak in and doesn't want to admit they wanted
09:42to see it, I heard.
09:43Like, I thought it was a Western.
09:44That's what I thought.
09:45I swear to God.
09:47They told me it's a Western.
09:48Now, I'm sitting in the back.
09:49I'm watching it, and I'm like, where's the guy?
09:51I want to see a guy with a white hat and a guy with a black hat, and I want
09:53to see them
09:54shooting each other up in front of the saloon, you know?
09:57Last thing I want to see is a close-up of a beautiful hot cock slipping into an asshole.
10:02Now, they didn't show that in the movie.
10:04Well, why not?
10:05If they're going to make the movie, make it right.
10:07Okay, so I want to be in the back cheering, go, go, sheriff.
10:11You'll get the fucking townsfolk behind you, you know, when it really comes down to it.
10:15I don't want to be fucking whacking off on some fucking guy in front of me and come all
10:20over him, and then he's got to come all over him, and then he's yelling, and then who's
10:25the homophobe, right?
10:26This guy is so fucking unsure of his sexuality, he's mad at me because I jizzed all over his
10:32face.
10:34Norm, you've never made so much sense.
10:37Seriously.
10:38It's good to see you got your wits all about you, you seem in good spirits.
10:41I swear to God, I've never seen you.
10:43I told Laurie Jo I would be clean.
10:46On this show?
10:47Yeah, Laurie Jo keeps going, stop being 30.
10:50You know what?
10:51Well, I don't know.
10:53Do you want to do some jokes?
10:54Yeah, can I tell you?
10:55There are jokes on these cards.
10:56Can I tell you who that comedian was?
10:58Oh, yes, we're still waiting to hear him.
11:00Not that it even matters, and I will finish my point.
11:04Just let me do that, then I don't care what happens.
11:06So what I was saying was, when we went to see this comedian, we were laughing so hard.
11:10Yes.
11:11Can I guess who it is?
11:12Well, let me finish first.
11:13I think the people next to us, I think they thought we were mocking them.
11:17They were mocking them.
11:18Like, this guy isn't funny.
11:20It's not different.
11:21It's not even funny.
11:22This guy's doing anti-comedy.
11:24And these people are laughing at it, because somehow, maybe it's cool to think this guy's funny,
11:28but no one really thinks he's funny.
11:29That's when people leave mad.
11:31They're like, it could be something they're not into, and then they just go, that wasn't our thing.
11:34It was the type of comedy that the crowd was going.
11:36They either loved it.
11:37We were in high school.
11:38I know who it is.
11:39Where they were like, no, I paid money.
11:42This isn't anything.
11:43I've got a million dollars.
11:44I know who it is.
11:45Go ahead.
11:45It's Stephen Wright.
11:46No.
11:47No.
11:48Stephenson?
11:48They got that, because he came in with such a big, just coming from two nights, two times
11:53in one day.
11:54But don't you think, also, not anti-comedy, but maybe new comedy?
11:57Like, I used to see a Kinnison bomb all the time, because it certainly wasn't anti-comedy,
12:03but it was something no one had seen.
12:06Two things I'm going to finish.
12:07One, what I was saying was that they were very excited because of Stephen Wright coming,
12:11because he had just been on The Tonight Show twice in one week, which had never happened.
12:14So he was like a big deal even coming to Philly.
12:16It wasn't, you know, yeah, it was exciting.
12:17Can I guess again?
12:18Yeah, so who was it?
12:19I mean, it was like...
12:20Mario Canto.
12:22No.
12:24Not Joey Behar.
12:26No, but I love Joey Behar.
12:27Rick Wright?
12:28Joey Behar reminds me...
12:29You know what?
12:30You know how old Joey Behar is?
12:31Well, I don't think she wants you to tell everybody.
12:33It's in her Wikipedia.
12:34Oh, she's, I think, a lot older than I thought.
12:36Seventy!
12:36Yeah.
12:37She looks great.
12:38That sounds about right to me.
12:39Seventy?
12:40No, I never...
12:40I didn't think of her as 70.
12:41Jesus Christ almighty!
12:43When did she break?
12:44Fifty?
12:44I like her.
12:45I like her, too.
12:46She reminds me of, like, your old aunt or something.
12:49Oh, yeah.
12:49With her funny opinions.
12:52You know what I mean?
12:53The view is about you.
12:55What kind of hen-ass horse shit is that?
12:58I like the view.
12:59How do you have a person on a show that believes the Earth is flat and men live with dinosaurs
13:06and you keep them on the show?
13:08Come on.
13:08Oh, well, that I agree.
13:09You know what I say?
13:10Someone goes, my brother once said, well, you have to have the opposing view.
13:13Like, if I had a show, would I have someone on the panel that had the opposing view?
13:16I'd go, no.
13:17You fucking bring it in on a satellite and you talk to them for three minutes and then you
13:21ignore it.
13:22This guy, fuck.
13:23Well, you can't ignore it if you're inviting.
13:25You can't ignore it.
13:26I ignore this fucker when he starts talking about the smokestacks in Auschwitz and how the
13:30shadows don't make sense and all that shit.
13:34Oh, my hatter, boy.
13:35The holocaust really answers me.
13:36You can't, too, ignore him.
13:38I ignore this motherfucker.
13:39But on a national show, that's why this is great because on another show, see, Norm, this
13:43is why what you have is so great.
13:45If you were on a show like on NBC, they'd be talking to you afterwards.
13:48They'd go, you can't keep yelling at this guy because this guy's got a manager and an
13:52agent and he goes, they bring me on the show for my opinion and all Norm does is tell
13:56me to shut up.
13:56The holocaust happened.
13:58Okay.
13:58I just want to say three things.
13:59Oh, it did happen.
13:59No, that's not my point.
14:00Don't try to twirl that towards me.
14:03That's why he says it did.
14:03Hold on.
14:04I just want to say three things.
14:05Do you really say shit like that?
14:07This is what he told me the other day.
14:09He goes, it happened.
14:11Fire pit.
14:11Fire pit.
14:12Fire pit.
14:13Fire pit.
14:13He goes, it happened, but he goes, the numbers are all right, all wrong.
14:17And then he goes, the other night, he goes, 600 or 6 million.
14:20It's still terrible.
14:21I'm like, ugh.
14:22Okay.
14:23That's not really.
14:24All right.
14:24Please tell me that's not true.
14:25I just want to say a few things.
14:27I don't have a manager.
14:28I don't have an agent.
14:29I did have a barman.
14:30Yeah, I guess you don't.
14:31I'm not a holocaust denier.
14:32Maybe you would if you didn't fucking, he thinks he's going to get a manager or an agent,
14:36Jew, with that kind of shit.
14:39First of all, I wasn't insinuating you had a manager.
14:41I was saying in a situation on another show.
14:44That's not the part I'm upset about.
14:46I'm not concerned with you, Miss.
14:48Yeah, I don't care that you think or think I didn't have a manager.
14:51There's a lot of hostility.
14:52A lot of homosexuals died in the fucking camps too.
14:54Let's not forget.
14:55No, nor shut up.
14:57Well, I'm serious.
15:00What do you think I have more empathy now?
15:03No, I'm saying you should be more.
15:05Oh, there were homosexuals.
15:06What happened?
15:07What happened?
15:08I thought there was just Jews.
15:09You're telling me there were homosexuals?
15:12Homosexuals were in with those Jews?
15:13We've got to do something.
15:15There's not enough documentaries.
15:16Nobody cared about the gypsies.
15:19I think people overall, some people get more attention.
15:21What about this?
15:21People care about everybody.
15:23Here's a term that might in the future sound terrible.
15:25Gypt.
15:26Gypt, yeah.
15:27Comes from gypsy.
15:28You know, you keep getting me started again.
15:30Comes from gypsy.
15:30I'm going to give you, I'll give you another example.
15:32And guess what?
15:33And you know, you go and they're great people.
15:35They live on the outskirts of town in tents.
15:39I'll stop saying gypsies too.
15:40I don't give a shit.
15:41You can say gypsy.
15:42No, you can say gypsy.
15:44I know, don't use it as a derogatory term.
15:47Yeah.
15:47You know, I'll tell you a derogatory term that I'm not going to tell anyone else to not do,
15:50because that's when they're going to go.
15:52I mean, there are some great gypsies.
15:55If you ask people to evolve too much, they get pissed off.
15:59Like, in other words, I stopped saying this and I stopped saying that.
16:01Now I've got to stop saying this?
16:03It's like, what are you, done evolving?
16:04Why are you bragging?
16:05It's like, I'm not done evolving.
16:07No, no, no, I'm sorry.
16:08That's adorable.
16:09I finished evolving 10 years ago.
16:11I dropped a term out of my thing, because if somebody had talked about it, I went, I
16:15like it.
16:15Whenever I say anything that's soul-bearing, I would go, about my weight or something, about
16:19God, my, you know, something you perceive to be, I would go, I don't mean to be a woman
16:23about it.
16:24I'd stopped it.
16:24I go, I don't, that's who, I don't want to be that person.
16:26But if he has someone else to do it, they're going to be like, oh my God, you can't say
16:30anything anymore.
16:31I didn't want to say it.
16:32I'd go, yeah, why do I want to say that?
16:34Like, I don't mean to be a woman about it.
16:35You know what that's saying?
16:36Oh, I didn't mean to be honest with my feelings.
16:38But I go, and whenever anybody says I don't want to be a woman about it, you know what
16:41they're really saying?
16:41It's like when people go, I don't mean to be a Jew about it.
16:43Well, you just were.
16:45So you can't just erase it.
16:46You can't go, oh, I don't know, normally I would pay full price, but a little Jew slipped
16:50in me.
16:50I got a little Jew in me, but not normally, I wouldn't Jew you down.
16:55I know what I'm saying.
16:56No, he said that the other night.
16:57I never said a Jew slipped in me.
16:59I thought you said a little Jew slipped into you.
17:02A little Jew slipped, like I wouldn't normally bargain with someone, but a little Jewishness slipped
17:06into my being.
17:07Oh, I'm sorry.
17:07He was talking about, uh, about.
17:11Oh, you got it?
17:12Shut up.
17:13No, what?
17:14He was talking.
17:16First of all, even if he had sex with a Jewish girl, he wouldn't reference it that way.
17:19First of all, why would she be slipping into him?
17:21That's a dude.
17:22Ah, this is not, well, it's going fine.
17:25I'm even programmed to act like that would have been a bad thing, that it would have been
17:28a guy.
17:28Oh, this took a horrible turn.
17:30A different type of love.
17:32This is the joke.
17:33It was a guy.
17:34What about this one time I was auditioning for the, this is the first time I was ever
17:38in America and I was auditioning for the Joan Rivers show.
17:41So me and Howard Buskang were from Canada and we got the show.
17:44I didn't do it, but we got the show along with Mario Cantone.
17:48And so Mario Cantone, we were at the Hyatt, you know, and me and Howard Buskang and this
17:56other guy are smoking a joint.
17:58I'm not smoking, but they're both smoking this joint.
18:01So I say, why don't you invite Mario Cantone over?
18:04You know, I'm sure he likes it, weed, you know, comedians.
18:09So phone up, Mario Cantone goes, I'll be right over.
18:12So he comes over with his lover.
18:16Clearly they had been just fucking, like sweat, red faces, everything, right?
18:21And this is, and then they said, they go, yeah, we'll take some.
18:24Oh, wow, they're smoking it so fast, you know?
18:26And they're obviously using it as an aphrodisiac, you know, to go back.
18:31But then they hand it back, all the spit.
18:33Now this was in the, in a very serious time of AIDS.
18:41Norm, are you okay?
18:43I mean, and I love your madness.
18:45No, I'm just saying, Howard Buskang, smoke that joint.
18:49What's this have to do with them and they're, and they're, they're, they're, they're just
18:52fooling around.
18:53You want to hear a story I heard about you?
18:55AIDS, yes.
18:55And this is to, to my podcast, on my podcast, in my podcast, I say to George Carlin, which
19:01means the truth.
19:01I never break it.
19:02It's such a great thing to go to with an audience.
19:04Cause you, if you want to get somewhere quick and they're going serious, serious, just go
19:07to George Carlin.
19:08It's like, never fucking break it.
19:09You'll always have it.
19:10So mine is to George Carlin.
19:11Somebody told me.
19:12Do you know what that meant?
19:13No, I heard serious and George Carlin.
19:15George Carlin.
19:15To George Carlin.
19:16We'll be like, we'll tell someone something.
19:18They'll be like, to George Carlin.
19:19And that's our safe word to go.
19:20Because we don't want to say swear to God anymore.
19:22I just don't, you know, I like using that comedically.
19:24Like I'll go swear.
19:24I had a safe word in, I was into sadomasochism.
19:29Now, I didn't know when I got into it that you have to start as a masochist.
19:35I don't even, what does that mean?
19:37Well, when you get into the sadomasochism culture, I want to go straight to a sadist.
19:44But they say you have to start out as the masochist.
19:48So anyways, I was like, all right, whatever.
19:50And somebody's drilling something up my fucking ass.
19:54And they had a safe word.
19:55They're supposed to have a safe word.
19:56So my safe word was boring.
19:59Which word?
20:02It was counter.
20:03We're counter to whatever.
20:05Do you remember?
20:06Hold on.
20:06I got to interrupt you.
20:06Do we know what the comic was yet?
20:08No, no.
20:09No.
20:10No.
20:10But do you remember what you told me once that your dad went to a reverse psychologist
20:14and he told him to kill himself?
20:17My dad did.
20:18That's the best.
20:18He went to a reverse psychologist.
20:20His dad went to a reverse psychologist.
20:22He goes, you should kill yourself.
20:24The comedian is Gilbert Godfrey.
20:26Gilbert Godfrey.
20:27Oh my God, I love Gilbert Godfrey.
20:30I know you might.
20:30I don't know what he's doing now.
20:32I remember when I saw him, when he was at his peak, when I first started.
20:36Oh my God, there wasn't a better comic.
20:38I don't know if he does this every night, but what I liked about it was he might have been
20:42doing something different.
20:42This is back then.
20:43This is like, you know, in maybe 84.
20:45He was working.
20:46It's not like he was thought it was.
20:47I don't like, I don't think anyone, I don't think it's cute to bomb.
20:50If you're trying your fucking hardest and the crowd's not into it, I fucking love that.
20:54I don't think it's endearing to like think, oh, I'm not.
20:56He gave a shit, but they weren't into it.
20:58Me and my friends.
20:59Yeah.
21:00Oh my God.
21:00That's my favorite in the world.
21:01And then I learned so much about comedy.
21:04I just thought if I didn't go back Saturday night with my brother, that that's what he
21:07tours and does.
21:08That's how it works.
21:10Saturday night, 90% of the crowd was into it.
21:13I mean, it seemed like that.
21:1480, 90.
21:15It seemed like everybody, but I'm just saying that sheerly because there was probably that
21:1820%.
21:19Now he must have been at his peak at that point.
21:21He was annihilating Saturday night.
21:23I mean, it was fucking amazing.
21:25What year was that?
21:2684 about, I think.
21:27So he would have been the poet laureate of comedy at that point.
21:30He was certainly mocking the conventions of comedy way before, you know, even that time.
21:35And that was like, they need to be mocked.
21:37I remember he used to do the, he used to do his father commenting on it.
21:42Almost like the comedians do now, like Jim.
21:44You don't know about Kevin Meany?
21:45No, I'm talking about Gilbert.
21:47He used to do, he used to put his glasses on and be his father.
21:50And go, that's not funny.
21:51That's not, you know.
21:53So he was one of the first to do that type of a thing.
21:55Kind of one of the first guys to do that.
21:56Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:57Years before.
21:58And then I think, you know.
21:59I used to do it with reverb, and I think I should bring it back.
22:01What do you honestly think?
22:02How does that go?
22:02I used to have a button on my microphone.
22:04Are we all right with time?
22:05Yeah.
22:05I used to have a button on my microphone.
22:08To George Carlin.
22:09To George Carlin.
22:10And the reason I got it is because I used to have the sound man have to turn the reverb
22:14on.
22:15But I got tired of doing that.
22:16So this guy noticed I was doing it in the audience.
22:18And he goes, I could make you a microphone.
22:19So I had a little thing that I'd have to bring with me, like a foot pedal.
22:22And there was a button on the mic.
22:23He just made me a mic.
22:24So I would press reverb and go, and comment on what I just did.
22:27Like, that was my.
22:28And that was even before, that was even before I saw those guys.
22:32And then I didn't realize years later, someone goes, Todd, when you did that reverb,
22:35that was your thing.
22:37I go, I can't bring it back now, though.
22:38Yeah, right.
22:39What do you think I could?
22:39I don't know.
22:40Maybe it would look.
22:42And then I used to put on the Chinese glasses.
22:44And I would go, oh, I hate not.
22:47So what did I do?
22:48Oh, what did you do?
22:49Okay.
22:50I said I did something bad.
22:51So two George Carlin.
22:52Someone told me this story.
22:53I honestly.
22:54It's probably not true.
22:55Well, they said that they.
22:56I asked them three times.
22:57I go, I don't think Norm would do that.
22:59Well, then it must be true.
23:00They offered you gum.
23:01And by the way, I'm only telling you this because you're my gun tone story.
23:04I want to, you know, let some truth out about yours.
23:06What the rumors are behind your back.
23:07I don't even know.
23:08I would love that.
23:08It's fun to hear.
23:09That you took the rest of it.
23:11And there was like over seven pieces.
23:12Oh, I eat a lot of gum.
23:16All right.
23:17That sounds completely true.
23:20I'm going to think about who this is because every time they tell me, you know, you don't
23:23like when people tell you a story.
23:24It's like, say he took three because, you know, if someone gives you gum, two is even
23:27like three.
23:28It's like, no.
23:29Oh, no.
23:29I eat lots of gum.
23:30I thought every time they tell me, I go, he didn't take all of it.
23:33To the point where we're arguing, I'm going, when you say, oh, I look like.
23:37But, you know, you can't just sit and take all of it.
23:39I've never been more sure.
23:40What do you mean?
23:40Oh, yeah.
23:41You've seen that.
23:41That's going to happen.
23:42Oh, I look like catfish hunter when I have a.
23:45But you know it's wrong, right?
23:46But you know it's wrong, right?
23:48Mouthful of juicy fruit?
23:49No, not if it's your own.
23:50But you can't take a mouthful.
23:51You can't take seven pieces of someone else's juicy fruit.
23:55Right?
23:55You've had a mouthful of juicy fruit.
23:57You've had a mouthful of juicy fruit.
23:59No, be honest.
24:00Do you think it's all right?
24:01If someone hands you their pack of gum, do you think it's all right to take seven pieces?
24:04I did.
24:04I did do that.
24:05Do you think it's all right is the question.
24:07I don't think it's a mortal sin, a venal sin.
24:10No.
24:10Is it rude?
24:11Yes.
24:12Well, there's my point.
24:14We'll take a break.
24:17Okay, now is the section where we do jokes.
24:20But you had something to say, though, about the book.
24:22You were talking about name-dropping or something?
24:24No, no.
24:25I was saying Simon & Schuster said that.
24:26Simon & Schuster.
24:27He doesn't like to name-drop.
24:30Don't be shy about it.
24:31So here's the deal.
24:32When this airs, the more people pre-buy it, they can't get it until June 3rd.
24:36This is the book?
24:37Yeah.
24:37You want to put it up?
24:38No, we did already.
24:39It's okay.
24:41All right.
24:41Remember they said don't be shy.
24:42Yeah, you can't be shy.
24:44Okay, so they said-
24:44The Todd Glass situation coming out.
24:46If you order it now, you won't get it until June 3rd, but it helps the pre-sales, which
24:49helps to get on the New York bestseller.
24:51So, you know, I'm really asking people, yeah, if you could go pre-order it-
24:55Oh, yeah.
24:55At Simon & Schuster or BarnesandNoble.com.
24:58There we go.
24:58Now, this is the New York Times bestseller list, not the New York News.
25:03Yes, New York Times bestseller list.
25:04And by the way, I didn't know-
25:05I call it the New York News rather than the New York Daily News.
25:08Well, that's great.
25:10Anyway.
25:14That's Don Rickles channeling me.
25:15God bless Don Rickles.
25:16I love him so much.
25:17I know it's in my fiber uncontrollably.
25:20That's good.
25:22I didn't know Norm wrote a comment on the back.
25:26I asked my manager to ask him because you have the-
25:28I think someone at the same office, I didn't want to bother you with it.
25:31So I didn't know until I got this-
25:33It's the first time I ever wrote a blurb for a guy's book.
25:35Yeah, this is a pre-book.
25:38So I looked on the back the first day and I'm like, fuck, I didn't know Norm wrote a thing.
25:42And then I go to read it, which I love it, by the way.
25:44It goes, there's comics and then there's comics, comics.
25:47Todd Glass is one of the rare comics, comics, comics, which means six people think he's funny.
25:53Norm Macdonald.
25:55It's a comics, comics, comic.
25:56I love that.
25:57That was sweet.
25:58All right, we're going to do jokes.
25:59This is a section where we do jokes.
26:01Would you like to do a joke?
26:02Of course.
26:02I mean, I don't have-
26:03They're just written out.
26:04Oh, I read them.
26:04Yeah, you don't even have to pick it up.
26:05My reading isn't my strong point, but I'll definitely give it a good try.
26:09Oh, it's not a strong point at all.
26:11So maybe I should just show you how I should read it and then decide if you won't be doing
26:14it.
26:15It is announced this week that the Archie comic book will-
26:19All right, I don't think I should do it.
26:21I read Choppy.
26:22I'm not a great reader.
26:23Okay, I'll read it then.
26:24Is that-
26:24It was announced.
26:25Maybe I'm giving it a poll.
26:25It was announced.
26:26It was announced this week that the Archie comic book will kick off the character Archie in July.
26:32Kill off.
26:33We'll kill-
26:33See, yeah.
26:34Yeah.
26:34I trust my instincts.
26:35It was announced this week that the Archie comic books will kill off the character of Archie in July.
26:40This is disappointing because if there's one Archie character that should die,
26:43it's that cocksucker jughead.
26:46Now, this brings up an interesting point.
26:48It does.
26:50You know what I'm going to say?
26:51No.
26:52The word cocksucker.
26:54The word cocksucker.
26:55Oh, yeah, yeah.
26:56Is that going to go by the wayside?
26:58Is that an old-
27:00But that's-
27:02Everybody sucks cock.
27:03I think you're indirectly-
27:05Straight women suck cock.
27:07Gay guys suck cock.
27:08Straight guys suck cock.
27:10Huh?
27:10Let me tell you something.
27:11Let me tell you something.
27:12This guy sucks his own cock.
27:15That's what he tells me.
27:19In confidence?
27:21I'm laughing because half the time because I think you're so funny.
27:23The other half, it's just getting the whirlwind of things you throw out there.
27:27No, no, no.
27:28Yeah, you're telling me.
27:29I love it.
27:30Oh, hey, that's great for me in the world that I'm in right now.
27:32Well, that's not good for me.
27:33But hold on, hold on.
27:34I like that.
27:35You're stumbling upon something.
27:37I know it's accidentally, but I'm obsessed with what to drop out of, especially when
27:42you do comedy, what to drop out.
27:43Sure.
27:44And again, that's a good one.
27:46I think comedically, though, you can always come to a good answer.
27:49I think you sort of, I might be wrong, I think you sort of just answered it.
27:52Anybody can be a cocksucker.
27:54So the question is, why is a cocksucker a bad thing comedically?
27:57Why is it a bad thing?
27:58But guess what?
27:59Comedically, oh, maybe it's because it's, maybe when that was written, that comment,
28:03it was thought of women as being cocksuckers, because the idea of being gay wasn't even out
28:07there.
28:07So maybe cocksuckers can kiss that goodbye.
28:09It wasn't around, but yeah, probably.
28:11Maybe you can say, I don't care.
28:12It's like, I have moments of going, oh, not, no, no, no, I won't be that person.
28:18It doesn't, when you, let me, I'll say one more thing, because I have said this before,
28:22but I want to say it again.
28:23You got to look at the past, see how you react to it.
28:26If you react different than I do to the past, then don't worry about your present as much
28:30as I do.
28:30And I mean that genuinely.
28:32The thing about Frank Sinatra, when he used to make jokes about Sammy Davis Jr. signing
28:35the shoes, they weren't like, fuck black people jokes.
28:38And I'm going to go one way, but I'm going the other.
28:41You could say, Frank got Sammy into the hotels, a lot of people would say.
28:46No, no, no, you don't understand.
28:47They were friends.
28:49Sammy, like Frank got those guys into hotels.
28:51He wouldn't work there unless Sammy went in.
28:52So they were friends.
28:53So you think it's okay to make those jokes.
28:55But I think a smarter person would have been, and I bet they existed.
28:59No, they did exist.
29:00They stood back and went, I know, but why can't he get them into the hotel and not make those
29:05jokes?
29:06And when I was a little kid, I watched those jokes and I asked my parents.
29:09That makes sense.
29:10It's, you watch it now and you're like, oh my God.
29:13But back then, if people were debating it, you know, some people would be like, they're
29:16jokes.
29:17It's like, well, we can't joke anymore.
29:19Right, right.
29:19I didn't care.
29:20As a 12-year-old kid, I looked at it or whatever age I wasn't going, ooh.
29:23Even then you knew.
29:25Maybe I was older than 12.
29:26Maybe I'm thinking when I was younger, but that might be even 18 now.
29:29You know what I mean?
29:30Like, whatever age I was, I remember it didn't take, all it was, my sheer look of, I didn't
29:35overanalyze it.
29:36I didn't know what to say, but I did say this.
29:38Ooh, gross.
29:39I don't want that shit in my act.
29:41So I don't mind.
29:42If the cocksucker needs to come out, I'm not going, oh my God, I can't.
29:45Get out there.
29:46It'll still work.
29:46These people say you can't say anything more?
29:48Yeah, yeah.
29:49You can't say anything anymore.
29:50Can't say anything.
29:50What do they want to talk about?
29:51They go, oh, the retarded fag Jew is a cocksucker?
29:54What are their conversations like?
29:55Every time you take an overused term out, they act like, I'm not going to be able to say anything.
29:59What are you saying?
30:00Yeah, yeah.
30:01And we'll be back.
30:02No, no.
30:03Here's a joke.
30:04I had a black guy open for me and I got him into the hotel.
30:07No way.
30:09Nice guy, Vince Champ.
30:11His name was Vince Champ.
30:12Oh, no, no.
30:13I don't know what ever happened to that fella.
30:17But a nice, nice man.
30:18He's arrested for rape.
30:19He knows.
30:21He knows.
30:22And he's not making fun of rape.
30:24See, here's where I defend twisted comedy.
30:26I swear to God, it's making sense.
30:27You're not making fun of rape.
30:29You're making fun of a guy that's so, whatever happened to Vince Champ?
30:33The ridiculousness of it.
30:35I seriously don't know.
30:36Well, still, you commit to the character, which I love.
30:38Well, he's John Madden.
30:42Well, what about this joke?
30:43Let's hear that.
30:44Let's see what he thinks of this joke.
30:47Oh, by the way, did you ever hear what...
30:50I have to tell you a quick story.
30:52Okay, did you ever hear...
30:54I hope I'm doing this justice.
30:57Oh, never mind.
30:59I can't think of his name.
31:00And it's embarrassing because I know him really well.
31:02I'll tell you the story and then you'll hear it.
31:03There's a guy in Canada, right?
31:07Yeah.
31:07I know we're supposed to do these things and your producer said five minutes, but I'm just
31:12taking the lead from you.
31:14So go ahead.
31:15They're in Canada.
31:15This is a Canadian story.
31:16And it's pretty big in Canada right now.
31:19And it's not, you know, everybody, ooh, Rob Ford.
31:21You know, that's a big Canadian story.
31:22But we have other stories.
31:24And there's a man that's a porn star who killed his lover.
31:30He was gay.
31:31And ate him.
31:33Cannibalized him.
31:35And after he cannibalized him, he put it on video.
31:38The story's in my book, by the way.
31:40Oh, come on.
31:43And after he cannibalized him, he put it on video, him eating him and cutting him up.
31:50And the man was in the throes of death.
31:52And you could hear him screaming as he was, because he was bound, of course.
31:57And you could hear the victim screaming, which seemed to make the killer even hungrier.
32:05And he ate his viscera and feasted on different organs.
32:11And then, I mean, this guy was a real jerk.
32:19He's a real jerk?
32:21Is that the adjective?
32:23You don't want to...
32:24See what you think of this joke.
32:25This guy ate people.
32:27By the way, thanks for cheering me up.
32:28We don't want to dwell on this.
32:30Thanks for cheering me up.
32:30I've been depressed lately.
32:31And that story really, it makes me think there's hope.
32:35Well, not everybody...
32:37You know, not everybody's perfect.
32:38Jesus Christ.
32:39Can I ask you a question seriously?
32:40The guy made a mistake.
32:42I'm being honest with you.
32:42The guy made a mistake.
32:43He had a press conference later, and he said he made an error in judgment.
32:47The guy who ate the guy?
32:48Yeah.
32:49He made an error in judgment.
32:52Now, what do you think of this joke?
32:55I know what you're doing, but I didn't mean it first.
32:58What do you think of this joke?
32:59No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
33:00Well, it's just I'm saying here.
33:02Yeah.
33:03What was the point of that story?
33:05I'm thinking I'm higher than I am, or you're telling stories that don't make any sense?
33:08No, you're very high.
33:10I don't know.
33:11Let our viewing...
33:11Thank God we have this...
33:13You know, if we were just sitting around my house...
33:14Your ears are popping, and we're not on a 777.
33:18Now I know, of course, but before, I don't think I did.
33:21So go ahead.
33:22Now, what do you think of this joke?
33:23I'm not sure about this one.
33:24So, Al Sharpton said that the FBI hired him to spy on the mob in the 1970s, because if
33:30there's one thing the mob trusts, it's loud black guys.
33:33Yeah, I don't think...
33:34I think that's okay.
33:37Well, they probably mob wouldn't trust them, so there is something that's funny, right?
33:41I don't want to sit around and dissect funny jokes.
33:44Oh, I thought you wanted to.
33:44Well, I do, but I'm paranoid to do it.
33:47Of course I want to.
33:48What about this one?
33:49Well, you're...
33:49When I die, I want my body donated to science, but more specifically, a scientist who is working
33:55on bringing dead guys back to life.
33:58Oh, that's just...
33:59Is that funny at all?
34:00That's just a statement.
34:02I'm serious.
34:03Am I crazy?
34:04When I die, I want my body to be donated to science, but more specifically, a scientist
34:09who is working on bringing dead guys back to...
34:11Yeah, that one?
34:12Okay, I forgot that one.
34:13I guess that could be funny.
34:13But this one, I think you're really like...
34:15I think that...
34:16Maybe I'm wrong.
34:17Maybe I'm wrong.
34:17This one is ripped from today's headlines.
34:19The search continues in the Indian Ocean for the Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 as they
34:24listen and try to follow the pings.
34:26These guys sound like me, always listening for pings.
34:29The pings are my Chinese neighbors.
34:33Jim and Ellen Pini.
34:36Nice people.
34:37Nice folks.
34:39Nice folks.
34:41Hey, and they'll still be looking for this in May right now.
34:45People are watching this.
34:47Jim, the other day, he...
34:49Very nice guy, Jim Ping.
34:51Oh, they really do exist.
34:52What is this thing you're doing with your face?
34:54Oh, it's...
34:55Do you have allergies?
34:56No, I'm not used to these glasses.
34:57But he was very nice.
34:58So you think that's going to help?
34:59And he lent me...
35:01Is that the face I'm making?
35:02Well, one time I thought you were joking around.
35:04You were looking at me like, get a close-up.
35:06I hope you had a close-up.
35:07Roll it in now.
35:08It didn't show up before.
35:10Sounds like this guy's Jim Ping to conclusions.
35:12His what?
35:12Jim Ping.
35:13My neighbor's the pings.
35:14Jim...
35:15Jim...
35:15That's what you said their neighbor was?
35:17Jim Ping?
35:17That is my neighbor.
35:19Nice fella.
35:19Nice guy.
35:20Let me his abacus yesterday.
35:21I want to do this.
35:22Jesus.
35:23Oh, come on.
35:23That's not a Chinese guy.
35:25I wasn't saying it was.
35:26That's kind of racist.
35:27What are you, Mickey Rooney?
35:28Hey.
35:29Hey, come on.
35:29I know he's dead, but Mickey Rooney did a very racist thing, like you just did, in a movie
35:34called Breakfast at Tiffany's by the wonderful Truman Capote.
35:37I wasn't doing anything racist, and you know it.
35:39But go ahead.
35:41I was just doing like someone...
35:42I like Audrey Hepburn.
35:43I don't think of her...
35:45I don't whack off when I think of her.
35:47But she had style.
35:50Thank you?
35:51I want to thank you for saying something that's been on my mind for a long time.
35:54You like her, too?
35:55Sure.
35:56She was class.
35:57No, I was thinking about...
35:58Audrey Hepburn had class, but Catherine Hepburn could hang with the fellas.
36:05That was a better time back then, right?
36:07It wasn't.
36:08So don't get me started.
36:09No, it was a worse time.
36:10You know why?
36:10They took care...
36:11Because they had separate fountain...
36:14Water fountains for the black people and the Chinese people.
36:17What?
36:18And what did they do back then?
36:21Segregated water fountains you're talking about.
36:24I know, you're just kidding.
36:24No, I'm not kidding.
36:26They had segregated water fountains.
36:28Now, I know you're not kidding about the event of it happening, but I know you're kidding.
36:31Of course, everybody knows that.
36:34I'm saying it's a bad thing.
36:35Of course it was a bad thing.
36:36Yeah.
36:37Although answering to my question...
36:38It existed.
36:39As did the Holocaust.
36:44I believe that the...
36:45All right.
36:46First of all...
36:48Oh, my family's going to disown me.
36:50I'll tell you a good thing.
36:51Yeah.
36:52I understand now.
36:53Now, can I tell you what I understand?
36:54You don't believe...
36:55You never said anything about the Holocaust.
36:57He did say one thing.
36:58What's...
36:59Can I say?
36:59Can I say one thing?
37:00To George Carlin?
37:01No, I've been completely honest.
37:02To George Carlin.
37:03You're not completely honest.
37:05This is what he told me.
37:06You have to say to George Carlin or I can't listen.
37:07He said...
37:08All right.
37:09To George Carlin.
37:10He said, how could there be poison, you know, a poison gas.
37:17I don't know much about the Holocaust, but what do they have inside the...
37:20The two of you together just really giving a great homage to that whole time.
37:24Inside the gas chambers, they put a certain type of gas.
37:28Mustard.
37:28Zyklik and five.
37:29Mustard gas?
37:30No.
37:31No, it certainly wasn't mustard gas.
37:33World War I.
37:34It was...
37:35Is there a...
37:36Nine...
37:37Zyklik.
37:38Zyklik.
37:39There's a number of them.
37:40They put that in the...
37:42I believe, with all my heart, that they put that in and killed innocent people.
37:49He says, how is it possible, because the guards would open the door and get the Zyklik all
37:54over their hand and die also.
37:56Okay, can I show you?
37:58I can do you just...
37:58Yeah, answer that.
37:59Would my guess that you'd say, you don't doubt the horrificness of anything that is
38:03talked about, but that is a...
38:05How would that not happen?
38:06How would that not happen?
38:07Maybe there was a sub-door.
38:08But he had another thing.
38:09I don't want to make pretend we're some...
38:10He said, when the Allied planes came over, they have pictures, apparently, of the smokestacks,
38:16and he said the smokestacks drop a shadow.
38:19The smokestacks that we all know spewed out the sad remains of human souls that once had
38:29dreams and once loved.
38:32He says, it's all a bunch of horse shit.
38:37I fucking can't laugh.
38:39I mean, that's such a terrible thing.
38:40But you made me laugh with your fucking weed.
38:44Do you guys know Mad Men's?
38:45Yeah, there's nothing.
38:46I get the...
38:47I'm sorry I laughed.
38:49You're all right.
38:50I'm sorry.
38:50We'll edit out my laugh.
38:51Did you ever get yelled at on a movie, if there's a specific story?
38:54Did you ever get yelled at on a movie?
38:55Because you know how you laugh once and everyone laughs, and then you laugh the second time,
38:59and they'll laugh.
38:59Yeah, but there's a time, have you ever, or someone came to you and went, listen, this
39:03can't happen again.
39:03Had that happened to you?
39:04Not on anywhere where I had to be nervous about it, but not on a legitimate movie where
39:08I would have shit my pants.
39:09I get nervous.
39:09Well, I mean, I get nervous when I screw up lines, for sure, and I do that a lot.
39:14Do you ever have it happen where someone pulls you aside?
39:16And I read the lines a thousand times, and I still screw them up, and people go, ah, it's
39:20okay, but you know.
39:21After a while, yeah.
39:22And they're all pros, you know, because they do it every week.
39:25I just do it once in a while.
39:26So, but, yeah, you know, I just don't know how six million people disappear from the face
39:34of the earth.
39:36Ask this motherfucker.
39:37He's the one that thinks that it didn't happen.
39:39Wow.
39:40By the way, you know the weird part?
39:42That's why I think something is so funny, because that's the absurdity.
39:46Absurd is funny.
39:48So, to me, it's absurd, but what makes it even funnier, whether it's him or not, and I
39:53don't think it is, those people exist.
39:54My friend, Lynn, told me one night, about 15 years ago, he heard someone like that,
39:59one of those people that literally says, no, I'm not defying that it, you know, you can
40:03tell when they're.
40:04They always say it like that.
40:05They always.
40:06No, you're right.
40:07You're right.
40:07No, you're absolutely right.
40:08They always have the, oh, something bad happened, right?
40:11Yeah, well, I don't, again, I don't think it's him, but yes, he said he went into it very,
40:16almost, he goes, Todd, it gave me a stomachache, because, you know, oh, I know where this
40:20fucking person's going with this.
40:21And he goes, what the fuck did I ever do to make them trust me that I would.
40:25Yeah.
40:26Don't you get that?
40:27When they take you into their confidence, like I have cabbies like that, you know.
40:31That won't happen that often.
40:32I was driving once in Toronto, and the guy goes, it's a good city, too many burr heads.
40:37First of all, I'd never heard burr heads.
40:39I've never heard that.
40:40But he's, and then I say nothing.
40:43So, he assumes I agree with him.
40:45What is a burr head?
40:45Oh, you never thought that silence would mean agreement, right?
40:48Silence is assent.
40:49But by the way, didn't, if we said one thing tonight's show, didn't we just say it all?
40:53Silence is assent.
40:55If you know, if you know, hold on.
40:56You would probably argue with that guy.
40:59If comedically we just stumbled upon that, that, dumb or not, you could go, how could that
41:04guy think, that's not the point.
41:06The point is, some people think silence means you agree.
41:08That should change the way we all live, right?
41:11Because when you're somewhere to party, and somebody says something, I always talk about
41:13that.
41:14You don't have to stop everything for an hour and a half, but don't let your silence let
41:16think this dumb fuck that you agree.
41:18Take 30 seconds and just say, you know, right?
41:21Because I've been silent a fucking lot.
41:24I'm not ruining Thanksgiving dinner.
41:25I'm not going to do this.
41:26By the way, no bullshit to George Carlin.
41:29I talk about it in the book.
41:32I'm doing Portland next week, you know, and the last time I was there.
41:35Name drop it.
41:36I was, the driver's taking me to the hotel.
41:41And, you know, they're all hippies, you know, and this long-haired outfit.
41:46And he said to me, and I said, I noticed that there weren't many ethnic, you know, just
41:55white people.
41:55That's all I saw, you know.
41:57And so he was talking about how liberal they were there and everything, you know.
42:02And I said, well, it's easy to be a liberal.
42:04And there's no black people, you know.
42:07It's all, he goes, we got our share.
42:13See, that's why I think a lot of people, you know, like, some people, you'll ask them
42:18how it is, and they think the world is who they circle themselves with.
42:21So people should be commended that when you're a circle of friends, you don't have that type
42:24of hatred in it.
42:25But you shouldn't let it not put you in touch with those fucking people that are out there.
42:29Oh, they're out there.
42:30The, uh, a swastika is a symbol of hate.
42:35It's not an ancient Indian, whatever the fuck.
42:38It was once a symbol of peace.
42:40Yeah, I know.
42:40Yeah, I know.
42:41Listen, we got to think, we can't go on.
42:44That's just history.
42:44Because this is becoming, uh, just hatred.
42:46I still remember my Torah portion.
42:49Your what?
42:50My Torah, from my bar mitzvah.
42:51You're Jewish, right?
42:52I'm Jewish, but I'm just saying that the swastika was, in fact, it did originate as a symbol of
42:58peace.
42:58Maybe you shouldn't say, if he already thinks the other thing about it, maybe you shouldn't
43:01leave that fact, you know, between you and your other friends.
43:03Fair enough.
43:04Feeding it to Norm, he already thinks it.
43:05Symbol of peace.
43:07Yeah.
43:07That's what he says when he looks at Charles Manson's forehead.
43:13A symbol of peace.
43:16That's not the first thing I think.
43:17Work will make you free.
43:20Set you.
43:20I think it set you free.
43:21He knows what, he knows what's written.
43:23Yeah, Arb might try.
43:25He knows what's written.
43:27On the walls of work and hell.
43:28A lot of people know what was written on, yeah, I mean.
43:31Or Auschwitz.
43:32Yeah, I think it was Auschwitz.
43:32Well, you would know.
43:34All right.
43:35I apologize to all the viewers.
43:38I'm not an apologist.
43:40You are an apologist.
43:43How'd you two guys meet?
43:45Hold on, it's not going to this again.
43:47Oh, he came to the Tempe Improv, and he worked there.
43:52I love that.
43:53There was a lot of people.
43:54This is amazing.
43:54You got a sleeve.
43:56You just, out of the blue, got a sleeve.
43:58Well, I was doing a radio show in Philadelphia called Preston and Steve.
44:01Yeah.
44:02Put a little wink in there in post.
44:04Can you put a ding?
44:05Preston and Steve?
44:07Make sure someone does that because they jot that down.
44:10And I always wanted an arm sleeve.
44:12I never really wanted a tattoo.
44:13But you never had a tattoo in your life.
44:15Never had a tattoo.
44:15In your life.
44:16No, but they had this.
44:17At the age of 50.
44:18Not 50.
44:19No.
44:1948.
44:20How dare you?
44:21How old were you when you got your first tattoo?
44:22I'm 28 now.
44:24I swear to God.
44:26And...
44:27No, I'm 28.
44:28I swear to God.
44:28I swear to the good Lord.
44:29I'm 28 years old.
44:30Why would I...
44:31See, that's why I gave up using that word.
44:32Because it's fun and jokes.
44:34No, and I did it.
44:35Yeah, yeah.
44:36I did it.
44:36I was probably 47.
44:38And I knew what I wanted.
44:40And then, ironically, I didn't tweet this.
44:43Or maybe I did because it seemed like such an obvious joke.
44:45My niece, after she saw my tattoo, she told me she had a tattoo, I swear to you, that
44:50said no regrets.
44:51And she had it lasered off.
44:53I go, Katie, did you realize how funny that is?
44:57She goes, well, I made a mistake.
44:58At least she realized it.
45:00What's going on?
45:02Did you stop doing the show?
45:03Just suddenly?
45:05Well, I just...
45:06I don't know.
45:07You're upset about him.
45:08I'm a little upset about him.
45:10And then, I think it's in very bad taste coming off that to start talking about tattoos
45:14on people.
45:15I think you started.
45:19Why do you...
45:20Oh, because...
45:21I got my first tattoo.
45:22I love Norm, you do the old trick.
45:24You do it, then you...
45:25Well, why would you be talking about tattoos?
45:28Because you asked me?
45:29Oh, no, not your tattoos.
45:31I just thought it was a little tasteless.
45:33Whose?
45:33Huh?
45:34My tattoo?
45:35No, his denial of the Holocaust.
45:38It is a little...
45:39I don't deny...
45:40Is there some truth to what he's saying?
45:42Seriously.
45:42I got a tattoo when I was 32.
45:45See how it changes?
45:46No, I wasn't 30.
45:47No, I was 32.
45:48That was my first and only tattoo.
45:50No, I think the Holocaust happened.
45:52Do you think...
45:53Do you ever comment on any part of it being exaggerated?
45:56No.
45:57Okay.
45:58Look at his face, though.
46:00I think he's being honest.
46:03I learned how to...
46:03I have family.
46:04They all escaped Stalin in Russia.
46:06See?
46:07That's what all the guys say.
46:09Stalin was the bad guy.
46:11Stalin was the bad guy.
46:14They were both...
46:16That's what they all say.
46:17That's the first key.
46:18They were both equally evil.
46:20Whenever you hear guys, what about Stalin?
46:23I'm talking about my...
46:2520 minutes during the show we talked about later, we're going to look back at footage
46:28and hope we're on the right side.
46:29I think this is.
46:30This is proving that you can satirize a lot of shit that's fucking hilarious, and I think
46:36this is it.
46:37I think...
46:37I know I'm overanalyzing, but that's what I do.
46:40But I'm afraid one person will watch this and go, oh, I can't believe they said that,
46:43then they went on to make fun of...
46:44No, no.
46:44The joke here is the absurdity.
46:47I think.
46:47I hope I'm right.
46:48Otherwise, I'm...
46:49Ah, fuck it.
46:49What do I know?
46:51This guy, he does it.
46:54I don't think he's...
46:55I don't think...
46:55Am I breaking...
46:56Am I ruining it by saying I know he doesn't believe that, and that's therefore...
47:00Well, I don't know, but I hope to God he does.
47:02I looked at...
47:02To George Carlin.
47:04Is there a story that you're not telling us that you guys were hanging out driving in
47:08the car?
47:08No, no.
47:08I will say a thing.
47:09Like, his hero is Andy Kaufman.
47:11He's always trying to do...
47:12I'm going to be Andy Kaufman.
47:13I'm going to be like Andy Kaufman.
47:15Is that what you say?
47:16And then sometimes I think...
47:17I love Andy Kaufman.
47:18Me too.
47:18So sometimes I think maybe he's doing this as some sort of an Andy Kaufman...
47:21Oh, my homework could be you.
47:23...tributing me?
47:23No.
47:24What am I saying?
47:25I'm doing an Andy Kaufman thing by saying the Holocaust happened.
47:28No, by acting like he said it.
47:30I'm not acting like he said it.
47:32Ask him.
47:32When you ask him, he brings up Stalin.
47:35The enemy of Hitler.
47:37You know the power...
47:37The man who fucking stopped Hitler.
47:41Stalin.
47:41The only reason he stopped Hitler was because...
47:43Oh, good old Joe.
47:44Well, I'm just saying that the only reason Stalin stopped Hitler was because...
47:48Hitler was heading towards victory and decided, all right, fuck this.
47:53We're going to go and turn our forces towards...
47:55Face them towards the Soviet Union and turn on Stalin.
47:59He knows all about it.
47:59I don't even know anything.
47:59No, it's just stupid.
48:00Of course, no.
48:01No, he doesn't know about it.
48:02He knows every fucking detail.
48:04But anyways, listen.
48:06It's great to have you here.
48:07Why don't you put up your book one last time?
48:10One last time.
48:10I don't want to be anybody at home going, you talked about the book enough.
48:12Just to prove I'm not joking around.
48:14There we go.
48:14I know we can get rid of it.
48:16You were going to say something about John Pinnett, though.
48:18What?
48:19Oh, well, we were saying that we both have stories about John that are very sweet about...
48:23And, you know, that one of the last times I remember seeing John was a few years ago.
48:28And he was at the gym.
48:29And he came by and he brought me a bottle of water.
48:32He goes, I thought...
48:33And I needed one, too, you know.
48:34It was just so sweet.
48:36And he brought me...
48:36And then he goes, oh, my God.
48:38This smoothie's here.
48:39Have you had them?
48:40They're so good.
48:41I was like, oh, an adult can be adorable.
48:44He sure is.
48:45He was such a big baby kind of...
48:48And when we went into a restaurant, because he liked being taken care of, I only did it
48:52once, but, man, it was fun to go sort of...
48:54I experienced the closest I would ever get in my career to be like if you went with, like,
48:58Frank Sinatra.
48:59Yeah, yeah, yeah.
48:59Because probably five people, when they went into that restaurant, knew they were getting
49:0250 bucks.
49:03So for 50 bucks, you know, they're closed, but yet we're still sitting there eating dessert.
49:08You know what I mean?
49:08Oh, take it, Mr. Panette, there's no hurry at all, except the whole restaurant's closed
49:12down.
49:13All the lights are out except one table.
49:14Now, where is this?
49:15This was in...
49:16We went to do this thing in London, which I don't remember where there, but he was on
49:20the thing, too, and he took us all out to dinner, and it was such a great experience.
49:23London, England?
49:24Isn't that where it's at?
49:25Well, no, that's interesting, because I found out about the death of John Panette, because
49:29it was on the front page of BBC.
49:32So did he have a British...
49:33I don't know.
49:34I just happened to be there doing this...
49:36I don't even remember what it was, but it was like a little TV thing, and then he was
49:40on the show, too.
49:41And we had the same manager at the time, Alex Murray.
49:43One that was hosted by...
49:44Who hosted it?
49:45The one that Dennis Leary hosted?
49:46I don't remember, to be honest.
49:47I don't remember there even being a host.
49:49I remember just eating dinner with John Panette, but that was probably the best thing that
49:54happened, the whole thing.
49:55He used to bring food for the whole staff after his weekends in Tempe, just from Cheesecake
50:00Factory.
50:00Pies after pie after...
50:02What a nice guy, man.
50:03It was wonderful, also, how London rebuilt itself so quickly after the broadcast.
50:09Did they not?
50:10Well, they did, no.
50:11Oh, they did.
50:11After what I thought.
50:14What I thought.
50:18Socially, I'm aware, but politically and this stuff, sometimes I get lost.
50:21I don't want to come off stupid.
50:22The Nazis.
50:24Okay.
50:25You know what?
50:26The Holocaust happened.
50:27We literally ran out of tape.
50:29I mean, we're done.
50:30We're done.
50:31Thanks to Adam Meaghan, my trusty sidekick, and the great.
50:38Todd Glass.
50:38Todd Glass.
50:41Todd Glass.
50:42Todd Glass.
50:43Todd Glass.
50:44Todd Glass.
50:46Todd Glass.
50:48Todd Glass.
50:48Todd Glass.
50:49Todd Glass.
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