- 5 hours ago
EastEnders 15th April 2026
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TVTranscript
00:00To be continued...
00:42So, classic or quirky, you know, sports car, double decker, golf cart.
00:47What?
00:48I want to get something special to take you to the wedding in.
00:51I thought we were keeping it simple.
00:53Well, it can be simple, but it's still special.
00:56You deserve it.
00:59So, what do you fancy?
01:00I don't know anything about cars.
01:02I'm surprised you, then.
01:03I don't want anything stopping you getting to the altar.
01:06No, me neither.
01:11See you later, baby.
01:12See you later, love.
01:14Sorry.
01:22I mean, his commitment to local issues is very admirable.
01:26Ian's actually led quite a fascinating life.
01:30Fascinating?
01:31Yeah, it was a lovely evening, you know.
01:33Yeah, yeah, it was, as it happens.
01:36Well, maybe we should make a regular thing of it, yeah?
01:38Yeah.
01:39Because that's what life is all about, isn't it?
01:41Spending time with your friends and family.
01:43Hmm.
01:44And we really appreciate you treating us, Bea, don't we, Billy?
01:47Yes, we do.
01:48Oh, my pleasure.
01:50At least I could do.
01:51Who?
01:52I've already got a credit card.
01:53Why do they always want to try and sell you another one?
01:55Yeah, that's a chunk of my other days, doesn't it?
01:57Babe, I've got to go.
01:58Oh.
01:59See you later.
02:01Bea, actually, whilst you're here,
02:05you wouldn't mind helping me fold this sheet, would you?
02:08Oh, of course not, ex.
02:09Witch end.
02:11We'll take that bit.
02:12All fingers and thumbs.
02:14It's mad to think this place is going to be my kid's future.
02:17My kid.
02:19I know it's going to be hard work, but I can't wait, Robbie.
02:24I mean, Varnia and Nugget, they're great.
02:27I suppose I'm nervous being a dad.
02:31Being a better dad than ours.
02:33Don't worry about me, Billy.
02:34You're going to be great, dear.
02:36Thanks, mate.
02:37Um, look, let me give you some cash for help now, please.
02:41You'll be giving Jean competition soon for Wolfman's Best Cleaner.
02:49Two shut.
03:02You can't just leave me to deal with this on my own, you know.
03:05Just because you've got nothing to lose.
03:06Ain't I?
03:09Look, Ross is a good bloke.
03:13I don't want to hurt him, either.
03:16Maybe you should think about telling him rather than getting involved in all of this.
03:20It's less messy.
03:21It's too messy now.
03:22I was literally tossing and turning all night trying to work out who would want to blackmail me.
03:26Think about this logically.
03:29Anyone from the hen?
03:30They're all my friends.
03:31OK, well, the photo I was taken outside, anyone could have been passing.
03:34Everybody's got a camera.
03:36Everybody's got a phone.
03:37It could literally be anyone.
03:38So if you want to blackmail her, come on.
03:40Think about it.
03:42Make a list.
03:43People who don't like that are impossible to imagine, I understand.
03:45Zach?
03:47Well, what do I do then?
03:49What, I just go round confronting them all?
03:51Talk to them, but tread carefully.
03:54See who seems shifty.
03:55Zach, that is a stupid idea!
03:59Is she bothering you?
04:01We live together.
04:02Am I not allowed to pop in for a chat?
04:03All right.
04:04Who rattled your cage?
04:05You!
04:06Vic, I've got to get on with work, please.
04:08Talk to you later.
04:16Well, admittedly, I did have to put up with Billy and Honeybee in there.
04:19I'll tell you what, those two.
04:20I mean, they're really not the brightest crayons in the box either of them.
04:23But get this.
04:25Bea, paint.
04:28Wow.
04:28Yeah.
04:29She knows the way you are.
04:32She's a real-life person here, not just a cash machine.
04:36I did go along thinking I was just schmoozing a potential voter, but it turns out she's bright, she's kind,
04:45she's funny, and she's beautiful.
04:49I mean, what's not the like?
04:50So, are you going to see her again?
04:52Yeah, I think I am.
04:53Well, as it happens, that's perfect timing.
04:55Because what do women want from their men more than anything else?
04:59Not a word about me mother.
05:00No, not that.
05:02But it doesn't hurt.
05:04Dancing.
05:05It's dancing.
05:06All right?
05:06Vicky loves watching these flash mob videos.
05:09So, I want to organise one for her, top secret, at the wedding, all the stags.
05:13That's a no from me.
05:15Yeah.
05:15Like, we look stupid.
05:16No, it doesn't matter if we do.
05:18Oh, come on, look.
05:19Look, last year was awful for us.
05:22Everything with Joel, Vicky's cheating, and I just want to draw a line under all of it.
05:26Plus, we're getting married on Vicky's birthday, so I would get to make her special, special day extra special.
05:33Well, I have been known to throw a few shapes.
05:37Bea will love it.
05:38Kathy will love it.
05:39And I know Vicky will love it.
05:41So, go on.
05:42Have a look on social media for flash mob videos, so you know what I'm on about, and I'm going
05:46to go get the boys.
05:46You all right?
05:47Wait, what?
05:48I didn't actually say yes.
05:52I thought it was supposed to just be a bit of fun.
05:58Yeah, it's like Ross said, women like dancing.
06:08Keen, aren't you?
06:10It's my day off.
06:13I saw that video, you know, of Zach.
06:16Stripping at your endo.
06:19A bit weird, innit?
06:21Sitting there, watching your housemate get naked.
06:24It was a laugh.
06:29Was it you?
06:30It was what, me?
06:31That message.
06:32What message?
06:33You know.
06:34I really don't.
06:35Don't mess with me, Zoe.
06:36You ain't got the brain cells.
06:37If I wanted to say something about you, I'd say it to your face.
06:42You're losing it, I think, babe.
06:44Coming from you.
06:54I'll be back as soon as I can, all right?
06:57Turn around.
07:00Yeah.
07:00Yeah.
07:00What's it that, you're going to be pulling?
07:01All right.
07:02Ready to pull up the-
07:03You're doing?
07:05Yeah.
07:09I'm expecting them to be on the-
07:16I'm so lucky.
07:17I'm so lucky.
07:19I'm so lucky.
07:24I'm so lucky to be on the other side of it.
07:24I'm so lucky to be on the side.
07:25I'm so lucky to be on the side of it.
07:35All right, Ian?
07:36Yeah, yeah. Busy, busy, you know.
07:40Give me a call, yeah?
07:42Change your mind.
07:43Where's she gone now?
07:45Priya! Let's do the test drive, huh?
07:50How you doing, Ross? Is it all right?
07:52Do you want to update your motor?
07:53No, I'm not. Actually, I don't know if you do this,
07:57but I'm thinking about trying to hire something for the day,
07:59you know, to get Vicky to the wedding in style.
08:01Oh, yeah, definitely help you with that.
08:02What are you looking for, something traditional or...?
08:05Yeah.
08:07No, Vicky's a modern woman. She's going to want something cool and sexy.
08:10Yeah, sounds good. Lovely, sweet.
08:12Come inside, I'll tell you what you've got.
08:13You know what, I've got something I can show you
08:14and Vicky's going to love it, yeah?
08:16All right. Hang on, I'm sorry, just a sec.
08:19Give me a second.
08:20Dad, don't try and step in on my sale.
08:23Lucy, this is your sale?
08:25It's just my sale. I spoke to him first, didn't I?
08:26Finders keepers? Is that how you do business, is it?
08:28No, it's a professional courtesy line, all right?
08:30You do not steal a colleague's client line.
08:32Oh, shut up. It's surviving with the fittest, innit, you old man?
08:35You shut up.
08:37This place weren't doing so good, was it?
08:38When I weren't about.
08:39You little girl.
08:41Er, another time, yeah?
08:46That's your fault.
08:47That's your fault?
08:48No, that is your fault.
08:49It's your fault.
08:49I've never said that you were talking about it.
08:50It's your fault.
08:52If I do four PT sessions a week, yeah, it'll really help.
08:59I don't need a lecture.
09:02I can't take it, Mark.
09:04If Ross finds out...
09:06You should have told me about this last night.
09:07I didn't really believe it.
09:09What sort of person blackmailed someone?
09:12It's got to be a stranger, a weirdo.
09:14Maybe someone who comes in here.
09:16It's definitely their first time.
09:17How do you know that?
09:19They ain't said how much they want,
09:20or where to leave the money,
09:23and if they're not very good.
09:25What are you doing?
09:26On this app, you can see where the message is sent from,
09:29if they've met their location on.
09:34Maybe there's someone closer to them than you think.
09:37Lauren and Peter's place?
09:40They wouldn't.
09:42She would, though.
09:44She was off on me when you moved the hen from her place to Harry's barn.
09:48Marie, thank you very much.
09:49Family's out.
09:51Jimmy's new nursery's so expensive.
09:52Every penny will help.
09:53Cindy?
09:55Where were you last night?
09:57Um, what's it got to do with you?
10:01If you must know, I went to the cinema with my very handsome son here.
10:06That's what I thought, yeah.
10:08I thought I saw you coming out of there.
10:10Was it like nine-ish?
10:11John, what's with the questions?
10:14No, no, that weren't us.
10:15We were out to 11.
10:18We should invite Lauren and Louis next.
10:21Lauren?
10:22No.
10:22All right, just Louis then.
10:24Make it more of a regular thing.
10:28Thank you so much.
10:29Have a nice day.
10:32Hi.
10:33Oh, yeah.
10:34Buck already?
10:35It didn't suit me in the end.
10:36So if I could just get a refund.
10:38I mean, I'll come back.
10:39You've got other stuff.
10:40It's not a rental situation.
10:42I saw you stumbling at Night Fusion, laughing your head off, holding hands with Beal,
10:45but then again, there is no accounting for taste.
10:48You're right.
10:49I did.
10:49I was just trying to do this a nice way,
10:51but the truth is, is that your stuff isn't very good.
10:55Quality.
10:55What are you on about?
10:58You just did that.
11:00Did I?
11:01Yes.
11:01No, I didn't.
11:02I'm so vulnerable.
11:03I can't wear that now.
11:04Look.
11:05Okay, yeah, yeah.
11:05That's your problem.
11:06Not mine.
11:08Do you need any help?
11:10Um, yeah, yeah, that's fine.
11:13Um.
11:14That's what I'm saying, Lauren.
11:15Like, being a good salesperson is about reading people, yeah?
11:17And unless someone is flirting with you, you can't really do it.
11:21You're really going to go there?
11:22So you're saying clients are flirting with me now?
11:24No, I'm saying you just get distracted, all right?
11:26Don't focus on the sale, do you know what I mean?
11:27Coming from you!
11:29You two are like an old married couple.
11:31What do you want?
11:32I've completely forgotten.
11:34Carry on, though?
11:35No, there's nothing really to carry on about.
11:38You're just going to have to face it, Dad.
11:40You're a dinosaur.
11:41Your sales techniques, they are prehistoric.
11:43Right, well, maybe we are carrying on, right?
11:45You've just got to realise, Lauren.
11:46Let's have a quiz.
11:48What?
11:49Find out what the best salesperson is.
11:51Because, you know, 2026.
11:52That should be childish, isn't it, mate?
11:54Is it childish?
11:54Josh, or are you two chicken?
12:02Ain't you got nothing better to do?
12:04Where's Jasmine?
12:06She's hanging out with Josh, her twin.
12:09I'm leaving them to it.
12:10Okay.
12:12Right, loser gives the winner 50 quid.
12:17All right, sweet.
12:19It's got to be easy work, yes?
12:21I'll take candy from a baby.
12:2250 quid, you're on.
12:30You're not letting Harry get to you, are you?
12:34Come on, man.
12:36What is it?
12:41You mean, talk to me.
12:48You know, Vin, I'm really proud of you.
12:52Do you know that?
12:54When you're only shot for a penny for your kid,
12:58you've got a real chance to start cleaning.
13:01You know, to do it proper.
13:05It's not too late for you.
13:09Thanks, man, miss.
13:11It's not too late for you either.
13:15Nugget.
13:16Nugget, can you just wait, please?
13:18Look, just let me talk to Mr Primrose.
13:20He'll sort it.
13:20And what's he going to do?
13:21Avani, Nugget, what's going on?
13:22Why would someone feel Nugget when he had his seizure and he...
13:28They put it up online.
13:35Look, just don't worry, okay?
13:37I'll sort it.
13:37Avani.
13:40Kids, eh?
13:42I guess there's always something.
14:00How do we get started?
14:02What, the music kicks in?
14:04Yeah.
14:04We get into position.
14:07And just start.
14:08You haven't got a clue, have you?
14:10No, I haven't.
14:11Listen, it's worth a try, though, right, boys?
14:13It's hard, you know, just dancing in front of people, sober.
14:16I will get the beers in, I promise.
14:17Oh, I'll stop moaning.
14:19Come on, we've got warm up.
14:20Yeah, come on.
14:21It's only a bit of fun.
14:22It don't matter if we're bad, does it?
14:23Oh, that's definitely guaranteed, Harry.
14:25I tell you that.
14:25That's all right.
14:26You love showing off.
14:27Come on, let's have it.
14:28Yeah, then.
14:30Right, where's the music?
14:31Come on.
14:32Let's have it.
14:32Here we go.
14:33All righty.
14:34Let's go.
14:35Come on, we've got this.
14:36I've got a bit of dancing.
14:38Where's it, you know?
14:39Come on, sexy.
14:40I'm going to have a dance.
14:41Come on.
14:41Stop it.
14:42Mate, your mum never pulls her face.
14:44Don't.
14:44Don't.
14:46Hey, hey, look.
14:47How's it?
14:48Go, Howie.
14:49Right, I've got to copy Howie.
14:50That's too much.
14:51Okay, done.
14:52No, I've got it.
14:52Right, out of the way, Howie.
14:53Out of the way, right.
14:54We're like the legs of Cole Warford.
14:55Right, follow me.
14:56Ready?
14:56Here we go, that's it.
14:57That's it, to the right.
14:59And we're going to turn it, turn it, turn it.
15:00That's it.
15:01Cat, show me this.
15:02Cat.
15:03Oh, what are you doing?
15:04Oh, I'm okay.
15:05All right.
15:07Hey, hey, come on, we've got this one.
15:09Follow him.
15:11Oh, nice.
15:13Oh, nice.
15:14I chose it now.
15:16This is ridiculous.
15:17I'm supposed to say.
15:18Let me handle this.
15:19Oi, Lauren.
15:22What do you want?
15:23That's a good question.
15:26And the answer is...
15:27I want to know if you're as squeaky clean as you're making out, Brandon.
15:30Or how dirty you'd get for the money you need.
15:34I've made a bet with my dad, but more idiotic than dirty.
15:40Is that all?
15:41Yes.
15:44What's going on with him?
15:46I just wondered if, um, if there was anything we needed to talk about.
15:51No.
15:53That what?
15:54I just didn't see you at the hen do, so I thought maybe I'd upset you.
15:57No, of course you ain't.
15:59I should have said something, but I was at an auction.
16:03I don't really appreciate your brother threatening me, though.
16:05What?
16:05I'm not threatening you.
16:06It's your tone.
16:08It's not exactly neighbourly.
16:10Yeah, well, neither is what you did to...
16:12Sorry, no.
16:13Crosswise.
16:21Hi.
16:24What's wrong?
16:26Nothing.
16:28It's only money.
16:30What do you mean, it's only money?
16:32Come on, sit down.
16:39Sometimes I just do things.
16:42Um, just tumble into them, really.
16:45It's because I genuinely want to do something nice for someone.
16:50So I close my eyes and just do it.
16:54Pretending that my bank account will magically sort itself out.
16:58It's so deluded of me.
17:02The truth is...
17:04The truth is...
17:10I've found a flat.
17:13It's mine in two months.
17:15Well, that's great news, isn't it?
17:17Well, it is, if I can come up with a deposit.
17:22And you've been spending so much on us recently.
17:24Listen, we will pay you back for dinner last night.
17:27No, no, no.
17:27No, yes, yes.
17:29I insist.
17:29I will not take no for an answer.
17:32Well, thank you, but...
17:34That...
17:35Won't quite cut it.
17:38Oh.
17:41Listen, why don't I have a little word with Billy?
17:43Yeah?
17:44Maybe we can get some money together and help you out for a bit.
17:47You'd do that for me?
17:48Yeah.
17:49You'd really do that?
17:50Yes, because that's what friends are for.
17:53Oh, honey.
17:54Thank you, honey.
17:55I promise I will scrimp and save and you don't have to do it all.
18:00And I swear I'm going to pay you back and stop closing my eyes.
18:06I know.
18:09Sorry I was at work so long, Vic.
18:11I'm such an idiot.
18:13I've just accused Lauren.
18:15There's someone in there.
18:17Mark found the location on the message.
18:19It's old Mark?
18:20Yeah.
18:21Sorry.
18:23Yeah, checking the location was clever.
18:26As you know, someone who lives there could be just someone who visits.
18:29Yeah, but who?
18:30I can't just go round the square accusing everyone, can I?
18:38It's all your fault.
18:39How do you work that out?
18:41I told you to tread carefully.
18:43I'm not talking about that.
18:44I'm talking about this mess.
18:47It's your in my head.
18:52Hey, what did I tell you, mate?
18:53It's all in the hips, innit?
18:55Yeah, I know, because your mum always says.
18:57Hey.
18:58Would it be a grree?
19:00Actually, yeah, get us a drink in, will you?
19:02Sure.
19:04You did it there, too.
19:06Take you two to tango in there.
19:09Ah.
19:11You two look really cosy.
19:14Have fun at the hen do?
19:15Yeah.
19:17Yeah, what can remember of it?
19:20Good.
19:21Will you have to hop in for a cuppa?
19:23Yeah, maybe.
19:27See you.
19:30See you then.
19:39Couldn't be here, could he?
19:42Where's Harvey?
19:43He was getting drinks.
19:44Oh, in the loo.
19:45Oh, no, I'll get that.
19:46And same for me.
19:48One for Harvey.
19:49Thank you, kind sir.
19:50No, no, no.
19:51You got dinner the other day.
19:52At least I can do.
19:53Well, you can't take it with you.
19:55That's what I say.
19:56Oh, nice.
19:59You know, we should do a proper wine tasting sometime.
20:03I'd love that.
20:04That or a glassblowing class.
20:06Oh, have you ever done, um, like a helicopter ride over the city?
20:11Uh, no.
20:13Hancier?
20:14Yeah.
20:15Cheers, Trace.
20:16Um, Bea, we have only been on one date so far.
20:21Oh, throw caution to the wind, seize the day and squeeze the joy out of it.
20:25That's what I always say.
20:27I do think you are.
20:29Very charming, you know.
20:32I'm not sure I've got time for a helicopter ride with, um, all the campaigning.
20:37I'm busy, but if you want to take me out for dinner again, I mean, we could arrange that.
20:43No, OK.
20:44I might just hold you to that, Mr. Beal.
20:46OK, then.
20:49Think about it.
20:50Ian is close with Ross.
20:52He knows Lauren and Peter need the money and he's got his campaign to pay for.
20:54Ian bills a lot of things, but would he do that to you?
20:57I don't know, Zach.
20:58I got your text.
20:59So it's Ian, is it?
21:00Oh, listen, he was weird with me earlier.
21:02And then when he saw us talking, he looked like he knew, didn't he?
21:05Well, he said he looked cosy.
21:07Yeah, I bet he did, didn't he?
21:09Fuck.
21:10It's got to be him.
21:12Right?
21:13What's a gutless snake that man is?
21:15Like a man in his own family like that.
21:17Oh, listen, he would do anything to avoid putting his tight hand in his own tight pocket.
21:21This has got Ian being written all over him.
21:23He's taking you for a mug.
21:24Can we calm down, please?
21:25What's being calm going to do, eh?
21:28What do you want to do?
21:29I want to bring him a new one.
21:31Well, I'm with you.
21:35See, Mr Primrose said that he'll talk to the head of Sixth Form about a bully and...
21:39Yeah, I knew we shouldn't have told him.
21:40No, it's not his fault.
21:41He's a millennial, isn't he?
21:42What's wrong with people?
21:43It's a proper invasion of privacy, actually.
21:47And you've got no idea who's done this?
21:48No, it was under a fake name.
21:50Well, whoever it is, I should kill him.
21:51All right, babe.
21:52Look, I know you're angry.
21:54What?
21:54You just need to calm down.
21:55You don't think they deserve this, Mum?
21:58Dad?
21:59Aren't you angry?
22:03Yeah, I'm your dad, so I'll handle it.
22:17Here.
22:18All right?
22:19You little weasel.
22:21What?
22:21Did you not think I was working out?
22:24I thought you'd like it.
22:27I'd like to be trapped and forced to sit and smile and watch the car crash unfold.
22:31Hang on, we're not that bad.
22:32We?
22:34Is there more than one of you?
22:37What are you talking about?
22:39I'm talking about you trying to blackmail me over cheating on Ross.
22:42Why would I blackmail you?
22:44Are you seeing him again?
22:46No, I'm not.
22:47Oh, look, listen, if I've got this wrong...
22:49No, no, no, no, hold on.
22:51Right?
22:52Ross loves you.
22:54And you're cheating on him again?
22:55No, I'm not, I'm not.
22:56Don't have a go at her, Ian.
22:57Come on, you know, Ross ten minutes.
22:59At least he can keep his clothes on.
23:01It's done for you.
23:04Come on, we've got to go.
23:10Tim, here's the man.
23:16So with Max Branning leading nine to seven, we go into the final round.
23:22According to data, what personality type is best suited for sales, introverts or extroverts?
23:28Bing bong!
23:31Extroverts.
23:31Ah, no, it's a trick question.
23:34It is ambivert because you need to be able to listen as well as talk.
23:37Good answer, big sir.
23:39Yeah, well, I'm more action than I did theory, so...
23:43I know.
23:43You're all mouth, no trousers.
23:45All right, so Maximus leading nine to eight.
23:49Who said always be closing?
23:51Bing bong! Bing bong!
23:53Um, Alan Sugar.
23:56Alec Baldwin.
23:57Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross.
23:59Yeah, Pete made me watch it.
24:00Correct!
24:01Which makes it nine all just in time for the final question.
24:05Ooh.
24:09What was the first car I ever went joyriding in?
24:12Oh, come on, Oscar, how are we supposed to know that one?
24:14No, you can listen to my life stories.
24:17Fine.
24:19What was the name of my first driving instructor?
24:21Can we just have serious questions?
24:23Serious?
24:24Yeah.
24:24My childish quiz?
24:25All right, fine.
24:26Final question.
24:28What percentage of the UK second-hand car market...
24:31It was a red fault for yes then, Clive.
24:32Beatty dubs.
24:33Comes from electric vehicles.
24:35Bing bong! Bing bong!
24:3810.
24:3910%.
24:4115%.
24:43I have 10.8, so...
24:45Dad wins!
24:47Max Branning is officially the best salesperson in the port cabin.
24:50A great one.
24:53Yes.
24:57All right, I'm going to make a coffee, Lauren.
24:59Give you a minute, find your wallet.
25:03So you two have been having an affair?
25:04No.
25:05Right, and you knew?
25:06Can you keep the noise down?
25:07I've just got Jimmy off to sleep.
25:08These two have been carrying on behind Ross's back.
25:11Again?
25:11What, you knew too?
25:13No, they told me it was just one kiss.
25:15You're practically related.
25:16No, we're not.
25:17Yeah, and we're not carrying on.
25:19I made a stupid mistake, that's all.
25:21Cheers.
25:23Oh, you are unbelievable.
25:24Ripping your clothes off, flashing your pecs, I mean, throwing yourself at her.
25:27Oh, Ian, it wasn't like that.
25:28Oh, so what was it like?
25:29I mean, did you just trip over and fall into his naked lap?
25:32Oh, are you still looking at me like that?
25:33Like you've never made a mistake in your life?
25:35I tell you what, I have made plenty of mistakes, but I've never been accused of cheating with Mr...
25:38I can't keep my clothes on, whilst my fiancé's next door,
25:41and I have never accused my family of blackmailing me over an affair.
25:44I know, Ian, all right?
25:45I feel like my world is about to explode.
25:48I promise you, I want to put this behind me.
25:51I want to move forward.
25:53Get married.
25:54I want to be with Ross.
25:56Yeah, it won't happen again.
26:05Big?
26:06What is it?
26:07You've got 24 hours to give me 20 grand, or I tell Ross everything.
26:25The Bad Lads of Cork are back for more jakes and hijinks.
26:28Watch New Young Offenders on BBC iPlayer.
26:31Listen to Celebs Unboxed Treasures with Dilly Carter,
26:34Kerry Kitona, the latest Sort Your Life Out,
26:36and Pat Guest on BBC Sounds.
26:38You've got 281 Kids.
27:03You've got 281 Shaвержons of Marrow.
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