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Watch Bait Season 1 Episode 2 online in HD on Dailymotion (2026).
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00:08shah latif welcome to sir chattrick stewart with me sir patrick stewart it's an honor to be here
00:15the honor is all mine i've hosted many fine actors on my little podcast but few who've had
00:22such an eventful 24 hours it's been a wild ride already that's for sure now i know a bond or
00:29two
00:30daniel craig's a dear friend big shoes to fill do you think you're up to the job yes yes i
00:39do
00:40now more than ever i'm ready to show the world that i've got what it takes
00:51joe mario mario how are you thank god yeah good yeah good at least she tells me you do security
00:56for all the top wankers yeah that's right yeah i'm always happy to take on a few up and coming
01:02wankers as well right yeah do you do personal because i might have an event tonight yeah maybe
01:07do the full service even got a food taster if you need one right tell you what let's have a
01:11look in
01:11the house and we can talk about that afterwards yeah so uh house is two points of entry hostile
01:16object into the front bay window those and the doors may need reinforcing and i was thinking maybe
01:20some uh visual deterrence along the perimeter if you have the bodies so 60 friendly is expected
01:25tomorrow wow you really know your stuff well i played the um translator in homeland season seven
01:31yes yes yes you did they got a lot of wrong on that show come on okay all right so
01:37you're uh
01:38your guests are for idl fitter i presume yeah yeah okay yeah yeah just want to make sure everyone feels
01:43safe yeah sure um might make more sense for you to start off upstairs i know it's harder to defend
01:50a
01:50position at a higher altitude isn't it yeah okay well i'll take my shoes off and go upstairs yeah do
01:54you
01:54agree you can't really act this role part of you has to be it absolutely absolutely yeah luckily um
02:05already very experienced at navigating attacks of various kinds whether in the public eye or on the home
02:12front as it were yep you just got no mandarin oriental sorted thank you for sorting out felicia i'll
02:18speak to you later about the collar all right bye what are you showing me right now it's a hotel
02:22okay they do free stays for celebs like michelle yo digga d fucking northwest nanny and bro your
02:29followers are blowing up okay it's a five-star safe house all of us one week is free obviously minus
02:34my
02:35costs but yeah yeah we're not going to a hotel i'm dealing with it i'm not going to get anything
02:40happen to you you don't need to be afraid i'm not afraid talking about man
02:55what the fuck's all this what does it look like security because i told you that i had security
02:59sorted so chill your pump out learn from that man then it's not a movie yeah is it
03:04why you want to ask where you got this from all this allah provides bro does he yes does he
03:11provide
03:11discount rate with jahideen as well i know these guys well they're too thick to make it into isis
03:15which isis isis k isis l og isis they've got different standards i've heard
03:24they don't need phds do they they're hard as they're committed takbir
03:29i'm not trying to start a madrasa yeah i i'm just trying to bring in some real actual protection
03:33if you could just listen to me for once if i want your protection i'll ask for your extra small
03:38condoms
03:39you like that one don't you tiny lonely yeah stop pressing me cuz i'm going to have to
03:43up off we have to discuss this we have to discuss this what you did any fucking bag of one
03:52could
03:52just walk in that's because you've taken off the back door that's why i've hired a professional
03:56high professional i'm not doubting that i'm just if if you let me do it then it would be better
04:00for
04:00everyone sean conry to the rescue is it how do you understand what are you doing
04:21chill mommy bastard you chill 20 years she's been trying to steal eat
04:26already bringing a cutty swelling kebabs well i like kebabs
04:30you know
04:30how are you
04:32naila
04:32are you
04:35it's a joint effort now i'm just doing my part
04:37i don't know you have done already so much
04:39shaju take the pots inside why are you giving naila auntie more work it's nothing daila
04:44i could be doing so much more
04:47but sadly it's no longer safe here now why not move into my house who's not safe
04:54can everybody stop can you stop these baba can you just come here please can you stop the work
04:58everyone right let's have a little chat about eid and the plan your plan yeah what huh
05:03outsourcing our protection that is free maith and nonce i'm not a nonce
05:06should have gone to the hotel nigel's here to help secure the the house
05:11house won't be ready food won't be ready naila naila please shut you sorry guys the prophet
05:16please be upon him so long exactly exactly he said it best when he said uh trust in allah but
05:23tie up your camel my guy he knows his stuff you gotta hand it to him i just want to
05:29say that holy
05:30days like this are an absolute lightning rod for bad actors so perhaps you should think about
05:34moving your eat celebrations to a different location hey benjo chup one layover in dubai
05:38thinks he knows our business now i've got tremendous respect for islamic culture
05:41especially after six tours of afghanistan
05:53islamic culture
05:56islamic culture
05:57islamic culture
05:58islamic culture
06:12and your uh your brother he's seems nice well he's not my brother he's my cousin but he was
06:18raised with us okay it's complicated all right well look this is for you there's your quote
06:24although i would be willing to postpone payment you know in consideration of the future work
06:31because if my internet searches are correct then you will be needing our services a lot more in
06:35the future oh well let's um let's see what happens um really reasonable could you just leave it with
06:40me i'm getting a few different quotes in that's fine okay oh so did you want me to uh provide
06:45a
06:45personal for tonight i could send one of my best guys what are you doing you asked me to do
06:49security
06:49now but tonight i did him yeah so well we needed thank you for coming by yeah no absolute pleasure
06:57yeah well oh by the way they've stolen dash cams the uh battery life is so bring a charger all
07:03right
07:03you can have that for free cheers nigel why are you wasting your money on these render fees bro
07:10i've had your back since day
07:20i heard you go into this garland tonight on your own or
07:28i don't know
07:28i've got a plus one
07:30is it
07:32you haven't got any shoes that aren't trainers can i arrange it
07:38oh get ready you
08:01that is a proper gold fucker
08:04there it's a good job i came to babysit you oh bro you might be taking care of the muscle
08:08but i'm
08:08winning over the hearts and minds yeah what when you're in the middle of a culture war that's the
08:13real battleground big man how you gonna battle them with your horny makeup face what you know the
08:18face that you do when you're on the red carpet it looks like you're trying to shag that camera but
08:22you're worried the camera's gonna shag you no i'm not don't put that in my head right now you're gonna
08:24put me off okay for confirmation cause what is that yeah what man i look good there you look like
08:30you're making a pervy version of planet earth all right let me just see something raj tecker
08:37mother fucker is all right all right don't jizz on my leather seats you can't afford a cleaning fee
08:40okay listen let's just go there and smash it all right brother we are already fucking smashing it
08:45okay we are arriving in the muba prime experience look at this halal harry balls custom specifically
08:50branded zam zam water you a little mini dildo on the dashboard cause look at me we are arriving
08:55like this is fast and furious but without the four skins you understand come on let's get it cause
09:00yes yeah you ready yes okay yeah come on don't do that on the red carpet i can't guarantee it
09:19there's a lot of excitement but also some displeasure at the idea of a gujarati playing pond proving
09:27those voices wrong has been my life's mission how so oh it's why i want the role it's why i'm
09:34here speaking to you is that why you wanted to make a speech at the king's museum gala exactly
09:40to show people that this is what a hero can look like to show them that this too is what
09:46british looks
09:47like hey yo listen i support the team i support the team but when you finish tonight please get home
09:57with
09:57a move out okay that's for you sorry there's no service in your area i'm turkish you're turkish then
10:02there's service in your area thank you excuse me sister no mc rickshaw may i get a pick you're gonna
10:13pick i'll kill you next week hey yo cuz cuz come and get a picture with your one and only
10:17fan come on
10:19oi bro you're ignoring me bro we gotta go man why are you going in there man slow down you
10:26should be
10:27out here with us hey yo yo yo i just read a photo with you what's the problem bro if
10:31i get a photo to
10:31take with them law it's not it's not the right image i'm going for right now all right the real
10:35change
10:36happens in the air we gotta get in there listen i know you think you're his majesty's secret service
10:42society but don't go full coconut pussy all around me oh yeah then don't go into father
10:46fuck boy on me then you want to respect my guy keep it real okay why don't you respect this
10:51watch and
10:52learn you're doing it again i'm not doing the face you're doing the face all right let me show you
11:01nah you know what that is you look like a pedophile gerbil bro there's camera why would you see
11:06a pedophile because they don't have sound it's photo hi so happy really i'm so glad to be here
11:12thank you this is my associate my god much can learn um can i ask um who i might speak
11:18to about my
11:18speech this evening oh but have you done us doing a speech oh i think it's because i'm a last
11:23a last
11:24minute addition so well there'll be a new house i suppose yeah she's our new director okay oh i i'm
11:31guessing i have a plus one ah mr sulficar ali ceo of move enterprises i just think it should be
11:38like
11:38an official record i'm here tonight so thank you cause where the fuck have you brought us man this
11:45looks like the jars ballsack you're from humble beginnings like me so how is your family dealing
11:52with all this the same way we deal with everything it's a team together i'm proud to say that we've
11:58all
11:59got each other's backs bro this is mad i told you bro i'll go stuff cooking assalamu alaikum
12:09all right we've got to find this vivian yeah yeah no point me being here if i can't get on
12:16stage
12:16there she's museum director yeah my guy the fuck are you bro some ego bro look at this all right
12:23listen
12:23uh i'm gonna go work on you should we tag team her what not like that i mean like convince
12:29her
12:29together like good packing bad packing what would that be like oh like good cop bad cop i've got
12:36packages i've got this one covered yeah you sure yeah yeah yeah in a bit i'll be here
12:45singh let me tell you about this
12:55i'm vivian charlatif oh yes of course miss latif um i wonder if i could borrow you for a moment
13:01yeah absolutely although anything borrowed has to be given back now apparently
13:05what can i do for you miss latif i was actually wondering what i might be able to do for
13:08you
13:09there's nobody like muslims that can get you to where you need to be on top but we are on
13:13time
13:13for prayers five times a day if you call me zufi can you get me to where i need to
13:18go i'll get you
13:19there this museum means a great deal to me and i saw you had a number of protesters outside yes
13:24and
13:25it thrills me to see young people engaging in a conversation about our shared heritage and culture
13:30in fact we invite this kind of dialogue is it a dialogue though if you don't have an ambassador of
13:35sorts to help bridge the divide between those on the inside and those out there who's your name
13:40ali razza ali razza i'm feeling the iran yes yeah a bit of farsi my guy come on this we
13:46could be in
13:46that region i for one would be honored to get up there and say a few words about may i
13:51about how
13:52i'm global britain truly is both in its artifacts and its people but you know i'm an eighth indian i
13:57did
13:58not well what about yourself where you're from london you're from london you sound
14:04with originally from london but i understand your latest acquisition is is from a muslim country yes
14:09but treasures like the one we're unveiling tonight don't just belong to islam they belong to us all
14:14so i can go up and say a few words i'll be very brief no miss latif that's simply not
14:20how we do
14:20things around here this isn't a pop-up banksy exhibit besides we already have our dear friend raj
14:25thakkar giving a speech enjoy your evening
14:35and now to the more uncomfortable part of our chat you didn't think this was going to be all
14:42softballs did you raj thakkar your rival i wouldn't call him that come on come on you can be honest
14:50i can't be in the same room as ian magneto mckellen oh sorry sir ian magneto mckellen i just think
14:58that
14:59there's plenty of room for all of us at the top oh please a day ago you were the only
15:04brown bloke up for
15:06the job and now there are two and word on the web is he'd make a better bond yeah well
15:12i don't really
15:12pay attention to what people say about me it's just not in my nature you should old chap he's a
15:17bigger
15:18name with a bigger fan base and i dare say he's thought of as a better actor that's subjective cut
15:25the camel shit latif you couldn't even convince that museum director to let you speak how do you expect to
15:33convince the world that you can be bond you don't stand a chance in a horse pajamas do you you
15:40pussyhole means to go on addition you push can
15:47no use being angry with me you only have yourself to blame i'm trying try harder do you understand
16:01how do you think that's what's going on yeah when was the last time i saw you um mango tree
16:08premiere
16:09yeah yeah yeah thank you for coming man you were so good in that thank you did you guys see
16:13that under
16:14the mango tree so it's about this magical mango tree this white woman eats a mango she travels back in
16:20time to colonial india falls in love with this indian guy and they have this relationship over space and
16:24time it's about how love's timeless and crosses all sorts of boundaries i don't know why i didn't
16:31connect more actually can i where are you from yeah yeah just for yeah thanks a lot um you look
16:36incredible by the way and very very smart getting photographed in the tugs and holding that drink it's
16:41just here to support one of our nation's most important cultural institutions um just
16:48one thing's got people going mental hasn't it yeah people are passionate man it's just um that the
16:53hate though i hate is it's a lot right i know you're probably probably getting a lot of that too
16:59not really nothing to cry about just gotta stay grateful people are busting their asses at dead-end
17:07jobs just to put food on the table we live in the dream yeah yeah yeah we are yeah hate's
17:12a small price
17:12to pay yes it's just some psycho sent a pig's head to my mom's house you serious you know that's
17:21actually why i'm here um i want to show them that no amount of hate is going to make me
17:26hide and actually
17:27if this museum can house treasures from all around the world and this country has to take in people from
17:33all around the world am i right yeah preach yeah bro just want to make a statement showing that this
17:38this too is what british looks like i love the passion man i'm so glad you said that because i
17:44heard that you're speaking later and i was thinking maybe we could tag team here yeah that's a great
17:48idea yeah you've got something important to say i want to be a part of that yeah i tell you
17:53what why
17:53don't i go up first and then i'll bring you up i would love that thank you my brother i
17:57love that man
17:58of course i really appreciate it there you are hey i know you oh this is my security guy the
18:04mooba guy
18:04yeah yeah i overheard you chatting about it earlier i love the concept thank you brother
18:09are you muslim aren't we all a little yeah have you got a card i'll spread the word nice
18:18yeah okay i gotta go that's my mom you brought your mom yeah yeah yeah i wouldn't be here without
18:23her so
18:24shouldn't be here without her you know it's all thicker that's me that's to me good to see man yeah
18:29you
18:30too man he is either the sweetest twat i've ever met or the thickest twat you are thick twat what
18:39security guy that's all i'm doing you literally told me to bring you here as security why are you
18:46getting cranky oh you haven't broken fast huh no i haven't of course i'm hungry man you don't eat a
18:50canopy champagne just have a little canopy bro just have a little something to eat nothing here is
18:57halal none of the little things the big things none of it have some halloumi halloumi halloumi is
19:02not israeli that's what they want you to think it's an arabic cheese prove it to me google it you
19:06know
19:06i don't use google
19:10thank you
19:13too kind
19:15good evening in 2001
19:19we watched in horror as taliban fanatics laid waste to a once great nation's cultural heritage
19:28we wept as monuments to peace were turned to rubble but tonight we right this wrong after a nine-year
19:3815 million pound restoration project it is my honor to present to you tonight the restored buddha of bamian
20:01and now an extra special treat it is with great enthusiasm that i invite tonight's guest speaker to
20:08the stage the most gentleman who vampire hunter i've ever had the pleasure of meeting raj dhaka
20:21it's an honor to be here i mean wow this museum is home to artifacts from around the globe and
20:32so it
20:32should follow that england too is home to people from those same places now tonight is a celebration but
20:38i would like to speak with you all about my experiences as an englishman and as a person of
20:45color recently racist hate took the form of a severed pig's head delivered to my family's doorstep
20:58it was horrific there was blood everywhere my mother was left traumatized mummy i'm sorry
21:07but no amount of hate will make me hide those driven by prejudice they need to see us in these
21:16spaces
21:19and because this too is what british looks like
21:26thank you thank you thank you this is mr latif you have a situation a man claiming to be your
21:34brother
21:34has been harassing and uh racially profiling museum guests
21:38what they're really doing very special work um oh and uh charlatif wanted to say something too
21:45i'm about to go on man shah otherwise we're gonna have to escort him off the premises immediately
22:09i don't know
22:10so let's talk about your big moment the speech that never was
22:15a silky bit of spycraft from thacker he's clearly made for the role not to mention he can get the
22:23bleeding lines out line i can do better i can can you now let's see i also had a pig's
22:34head sent to my
22:35for himself
22:39i am nice one dickhead you're more frozen than me but it's not your acting that's the problem is it
22:48it's who you are you don't have the balls to be bombed
22:57you turned your back on your own fans you turned your back on your own family
23:08face it people like you are never the heroes of the story you'll always just be a scared little
23:18make you
23:22send him back where he came from
23:28ah
23:29No!
23:32No!
23:45No!
23:47No!
23:57Yeah?
24:01You okay?
24:03Yeah, are you?
24:04What were you doing?
24:06Nothing, bro. It's 2am.
24:10Were you talking to someone or what?
24:12Oh, sorry, mate.
24:14I was just running late.
24:15In a suit. Cost you a minute.
24:19Yeah, well, the moon's been sighted, so...
24:22Eid Mubarak. Yeah.
24:25Night-night, you weirdo.
24:30Eid Mubarak, bitch!
24:44Tehna suki bad.
24:46Sari, saari rat
24:48Kehna suki bad.
24:59Sari sari rat, kehnas ke baat
25:03Sari sari rat, kehnas ke baat
25:17Paat, paat, saari rat, raat, paat, paat
25:38Paat, paat, paat, paat
26:14Paat, paat, paat
26:33Paat
26:34Paat
26:34Paat
26:34Paat
26:34Paat
26:35Paat
26:43You
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