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00:02Don't look away
00:16I might just do this all day
00:34Welcome! Welcome to a brand new series of Taskmasters!
00:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:41Five fresh comedians have been prepared in our laughter kitchen
00:45and are about to be thrown into the buffet of fun
00:48to see if any of them have what it takes to be a main course at the Giggle Feast.
00:52I hope so.
00:53I'm Henry VIII of Chuckles and my big belly is in need of laughs.
00:58Yum, yum!
01:01So, let's meet our new cast of competitors
01:03and marvel at their reputations and stature
01:07while they're still intact.
01:09Please welcome...
01:10Amy Glenhill!
01:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:13Armando Iannucci!
01:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:16Joanna Payne!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:20Joel Donets!
01:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:22And Kamel Nanjani!
01:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:27Next to me a man who admitted to me when he was tipsy
01:30that if he'd been alive in the war
01:32he probably would have defected to Mussolini's Italy
01:35because he loves pasta and he doesn't believe in freedom.
01:41LAUGHTER
01:42LAUGHTER
01:43HE LAUGHS
01:44HE LAUGHS
01:45HE LAUGHS
01:47HE LAUGHS
01:48Right.
01:49You're half right.
01:50Hello!
01:51Hello!
01:52What's the best prize task of the series, please, with Alex Horne?
01:55Well, Greg, you told them your problem and they're here to help
01:59because the category is the thing most likely to deter people
02:03from your premises.
02:05LAUGHTER
02:06Yes.
02:07And this guy's got property coming out of his backside.
02:09Greg will give five points to the thing he thinks is most likely
02:12to deter people from their premises
02:14and all five deterrents will head home with the episode winner.
02:17But for now, Greg, it's back to you and your backside big time.
02:20Here we go.
02:21Thank you so much.
02:22Mm-hm.
02:22Amy, welcome to the show.
02:23Hello.
02:24What have you bought to deter people from my property?
02:27Very simple.
02:28Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:29This is Mrs Clatterbottom, Greg.
02:33LAUGHTER
02:37Full size.
02:39Yeah, she's good.
02:40She's good!
02:41Where did you get Clatterbottom?
02:42So, my friend hand-painted this mask, Mrs Clatterbottom.
02:50And what's your plan to deter people from property?
02:53Are you going to put it in the window?
02:54Yeah.
02:55Like, Home Alone style-y.
02:57You know when a light goes on when you go into a garden or something?
03:01Yeah.
03:01I think the light will actually go on in the living room
03:03and you'll walk down the path and then the light will come on
03:06and Clatterbottom will be there.
03:07Clatterbottom's there?
03:08Yeah.
03:08I'm never going to break into that house.
03:11That's a good start.
03:11It's one of the strongest starts we've ever had.
03:13Well done.
03:14It doesn't mean it won't come last.
03:18Armando, can you beat Clatterbottom?
03:20Well, look, I've gone, like, just no-nonsense.
03:23But I've just put a sign at my gate, which is...
03:26This sign here is from our living room.
03:27This sign here, and...
03:28Oh, God!
03:29I've just got an extra layer of security.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:34Yeah.
03:35Which, as we all know, don't really exist.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:38So are you presuming that people trying to break into your house
03:41are going to be like,
03:42Oh, no, I'll have to pay £15 to go rob stuff from?
03:45I mean, if someone's going to steal from me,
03:46I might as well make some money from it.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:51I mean, sometimes you're going to have to suspend disbelief on this show.
03:54LAUGHTER
03:56These have been good, Joanna.
03:58Now, someone's going to mess up.
03:59Right.
03:59What have you brought me?
04:00I have brought in a mould of my own head, which I've dressed up,
04:05and a sign inviting people to come and join me in my hot tub.
04:11LAUGHTER
04:16This is a mould...
04:17I did a film years ago, and I had to have a lobotomy in it.
04:21And so they did, like, a mould thing of my head,
04:24where they put, like, this green, alginate sort of stuff on it.
04:27And so they gave me this head at the end of filming,
04:30and I was like, well, I've got nothing to do with it,
04:31so I put it in my parents' wardrobe.
04:33And then my son, who's ten, a while ago, found it.
04:37I've never had so much information in my life.
04:39LAUGHTER
04:40I own this sign, but I do think if someone has a sign...
04:44I don't have a hot tub, but I do have this sign.
04:46And if somebody, I think, asks you to go and sit in a hot tub with them,
04:50to relax and sing and laugh, I wouldn't go anywhere near that house.
04:54OK, I'm going to have to develop some rules for you.
04:56LAUGHTER
05:03Normally, someone's been absolutely rubbish by now,
05:06and I've had to shout at them.
05:08Hello, Joel.
05:09LAUGHTER
05:10It is a glittery frame,
05:14and inside that glittery frame is my son's umbilical core.
05:18LAUGHTER
05:19Ooh, it's good.
05:23I love my son, but that bit of congealed blood and skin,
05:27I don't want to be framed.
05:29Whose idea was it?
05:30Because it's like a nice thing when it gets, you know...
05:32But it's not a nice thing, is it? We agree.
05:34Well, absolutely.
05:35Yeah, but I didn't know that's what it looks like when it dries.
05:38Ah.
05:39So it was, like, appealing when it was wet?
05:42LAUGHTER
05:45Imagine if that was, like, hung on my door.
05:47OK.
05:47You know, you'd be like, whoa, whoa, this...
05:50I've got to go now.
05:52LAUGHTER
05:53The thieves around Britain are going to be ready for you.
05:56LAUGHTER
05:57It's incredible.
05:59Kamal, hello.
06:00What have you brought me?
06:00I think this sign speaks for itself.
06:03Yes, Kamal has brought this in.
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07LAUGHTER
06:09Nobody's going in there.
06:11Is this a real Department of Homeland Security sign?
06:14No, it's not a real one, Greg.
06:16I'm trying to stay away from where the real signs are.
06:19LAUGHTER
06:21It's strong. OK.
06:23Here come my points.
06:24I'm giving Joel's horrible umbilical cord one point.
06:27Not because it's not fascinating,
06:28but because it wouldn't stop me from robbing him.
06:31Now, Department of Homeland Security is going to put me off over here.
06:34Oh, it's over here, right.
06:37They don't have jurisdiction.
06:39LAUGHTER
06:40Fuck.
06:41LAUGHTER
06:43Two points to Kamal.
06:45OK.
06:45I very much found it amusing, Armando,
06:48but if I was a really committed villain,
06:50I don't think I'd get £15 out three points.
06:53Right.
06:53And then we're up to the two creepy women.
06:55LAUGHTER
06:56I'll just do it on gut instinct.
06:58I found Clatterbottom slightly more creepy than Lobotomy Girl.
07:01Four points to you.
07:02Five points to you.
07:03Well done.
07:03Well done.
07:04APPLAUSE
07:07Right.
07:08What is the first task proper of the series, please, Alex?
07:12Well, it's actually something a little...
07:15Oh, my God.
07:18Oh, my God.
07:18Wait, wait, wait.
07:21LAUGHTER
07:23What's going on?
07:25LAUGHTER
07:27I've got an egg.
07:28You've got a what?
07:29There's no-one else got an egg.
07:30Can we see your egg?
07:32LAUGHTER
07:36Oh, no.
07:37Yeah, I see what's happened here, Greg.
07:38There's a chance I might have forgotten to give this one to everyone.
07:42LAUGHTER
07:42Oh, no.
07:45Oh, no.
07:46I'm so sorry.
07:47Let's have a look.
07:48LAUGHTER
07:48APPLAUSE
08:02Oh, close than I expected.
08:05So there's something in your pigeonhole, Joel.
08:09LAUGHTER
08:10Can I?
08:11Mm-hm.
08:12Protect this egg.
08:14It's in your pigeonhole.
08:16That's my egg?
08:18LAUGHTER
08:18You must have this egg with you, unseen, for every task and every episode in the studio.
08:27LAUGHTER
08:28You must hand Alex your wholly intact egg within 30 seconds every time the egg timer goes off.
08:38If you mention damage or lose your egg, you are disqualified. Your time starts now.
08:44LAUGHTER
08:46Oh, there's the egg.
08:47And I can't damage it.
08:49No, you've got about six months.
08:50Six months.
08:51Do you want a little practice?
08:54No!
08:57That was well within time.
08:58OK, you can go now.
09:00Bye-bye.
09:02APPLAUSE
09:04So sorry.
09:05Yeah.
09:07This is so mad.
09:09I'm so sorry.
09:10I don't know what happened.
09:11That was...
09:11The whole time that we were backstage, I was like,
09:14oh, where is everyone else's egg?
09:16LAUGHTER
09:19No, I'm so sorry, Joel.
09:20I'm so sorry.
09:20And also, you'll notice it didn't say,
09:22if you do it, you'll get any points.
09:24So it's, um...
09:26LAUGHTER
09:27I guess it's up to you, Greg, if we get to episode 10
09:30and he's still got the egg and he still reveals it on the horn.
09:33Oh, no, there'll be no points.
09:36LAUGHTER
09:37LAUGHTER
09:40OK.
09:40Well, that's going to be a lot of fun for everyone.
09:43LAUGHTER
09:43And now, as if things couldn't get any better,
09:45I've got worms.
09:48Oh.
09:51MUSIC
09:55MUSIC
09:56MUSIC
09:57MUSIC
10:01Caravan?
10:02Yeah.
10:03Yeah.
10:04Why not?
10:04Are you a caravan guy?
10:05No, I hate them.
10:07MUSIC
10:07I like this.
10:10Yeah.
10:11I like that, Kat.
10:13And I'd have that in my house.
10:15And there's a lot of things I'd have here in my house.
10:17Right, well, we'll keep an eye on you then.
10:19LAUGHTER
10:21Why aren't you inside?
10:22Sometimes I go outside.
10:25It doesn't look like it.
10:27LAUGHTER
10:28Find a worm.
10:29Find a worm.
10:30Find a worm.
10:31Find a worm.
10:32Fastest wins. Your time starts now.
10:33Let's go.
10:34OK, find a worm.
10:35Find a worm.
10:36Find a little worm.
10:38Find a worm.
10:38A worm.
10:39Find a worm.
10:40What does that mean?
10:42Ah, do you not have worms in America?
10:45LAUGHTER
10:47We have worms.
10:48Well, find one then.
10:52APPLAUSE
10:57I think let's just crack on with it, really.
10:59OK, and we're going to initiate, invertebrate, investigate with Amy Gledhill and Joanna Page.
11:05WHISTLE BLOWS
11:05My automatic thought is to go into the garden and dig it up.
11:09But that would be cruel and there probably isn't going to be a worm in the garden.
11:14There's going to be a worm here somewhere.
11:17Find a worm, find a worm.
11:19Find a worm.
11:20Yeah, any worm.
11:21Any worm.
11:22But then what about an ear worm?
11:24Like, what's it called when there's a worm in your ear?
11:26I think you said it.
11:28An ear worm.
11:29An ear worm.
11:30Like an actual worm.
11:32An ear worm.
11:34MSğa…
11:35Find a worm!
11:35Find a worm.
11:36A worm.
11:37Find…
11:37Find a worm.
11:38A worm.
11:39Where would a worm be?
11:39Find a worm be!
11:41Find a worm!
11:42A worm.
11:43A worm.
11:44No, you're a duck.
11:46It can't be that I'm digging for worms, can it.
11:50Find a worm.
11:55Find a worm.
12:01Are they? Is that a worm?
12:04Might be
12:06It's not a worm because I know what it's not a worm
12:11Oh, you've got a mealworm
12:16We're gonna dig up the garden
12:21Yeah, there's gonna be hundreds in a minute
12:27Oh
12:28My god, I found a worm I found a worm. I don't want to touch it. I don't like touching
12:34them. I
12:36Found a worm
12:46Wow, I think we know who the BBC are coming to and Attenborough finally retires
12:52There was quite a long period of that VT that you were just both walk walking around saying find a
12:57worm
12:58And I sort of imagined if one of your family members that have been there that have turned to me
13:02and gone she does this
13:06Where do we stand on mealworms being worms or not well, I'll tell you now I'm making a judgment the
13:11mealworms a worm
13:12So if that was presented it's a worm
13:14Okay, well Joanna 14 minutes 30 till she charmed the worm out of the ground unharmed
13:19But Amy you won't believe it three minutes 35 to find a worm a worm Wow
13:25I would have said she was saying find a worm for one hour
13:30That's the end of part one and time for our first break of the series, but first let's see how
13:35their nerves are holding up because
13:36I'll stop it
13:46See you soon
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33:45I
33:45I
33:47I
33:48I
33:48It's never happened to me before
33:51It's not usually a problem I have
33:57That has happened to you before
33:58Yeah, it just happened to me now twice in a row
34:06Take it off
34:07I'm not wearing a t-shirt luckily
34:09Okay
34:10Okay, this is so fun man
34:13Oh
34:14That one I'm flapped
34:15Oh
34:16Oh
34:16Oh
34:17Oh
34:24Lovely launch
34:28Yes, that's on the white it's touching the white
34:32I don't think it is stay there
34:35Okay
34:38Is that on the white?
34:40That's not on the white either
34:42It's golden t-shirt
34:43Golden t-shirt time
34:45Ah, right
34:46Okay
34:46I'm trying to catch this, haven't I?
34:48Yeah, being careful
34:48Being careful, yeah
34:49Yeah
34:50This is nerve-racking
34:53Best of luck
34:53Don't need it mate
34:55Are you good at catching?
34:56Yeah, I've been catching t-shirts my whole life
35:06Okay
35:07Bit of extra juice
35:14Come on!
35:15Come on!
35:17Come on!
35:19Come on!
35:19Come on!
35:20I can't even remember what it does
35:24Good job!
35:28What does it do?
35:31Oh!
35:33Yes, not so bad
35:36Good job!
35:37Pleasure
35:38Thank you
35:38Thanks for having me
35:41Yeah, I've never dressed someone in a wet t-shirt before
35:44Honestly
35:4515 t-shirts left
35:50Oh!
35:51Interesting
35:56No, no, no, no, no, no
35:58Oh!
35:59It's so wet
36:00Arms up!
36:01And two
36:02Oh, it's quite cold
36:02Next one?
36:03Yep
36:04Doesn't say I have to be behind the line
36:07There is no line
36:09There is no line
36:13Right, I've got two minutes to put on as many t-shirts as possible
36:16You have two minutes?
36:17You should all put them on
36:18Here
36:22One and a half minutes
36:24Okay, hurry up
36:24Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry
36:25Is this your first day of putting on t-shirts?
36:28Come on, man
36:28No
36:29Why are you so bad at it?
36:31That's the end of the talk
36:32The time's up
36:35To think you built this
36:37For two t-shirts
36:38It's all coming down now
36:44Well, goodness me
36:45Have we ever had a contrast between men?
36:49Like we have here
36:50The opening reaction to the t-shirt launch was like
36:54Whoa!
36:55Whoa!
36:56And then we cut over here
36:57And it was like very satisfying
37:01Kamal
37:01You were a real action hero for about 30 seconds
37:05I went
37:05This man's gonna be
37:07Deadly accurate
37:08And then it was just a total collapse
37:11Yeah, the t-shirt dribbled out of there a couple times
37:13Once you stop trusting yourself
37:16There's nowhere to go
37:18He's right
37:21Right
37:21Advert time
37:23In the final part of the show
37:24Someone will feel the high of victory
37:26And then a couple of hours later
37:28Find themselves sitting at home
37:29Between Mrs Clatterbottom
37:31And a Randy mannequin
37:32And then
37:32And only then
37:33Will the haunting introspection begin
37:36I'll take you in a minute
37:42Hello!
37:47Welcome back to the final part of the show
37:49The current task started off promisingly
37:52In an incredible location
37:54With a t-shirt cannon
37:55But then
37:56On applauded Alex
37:57In a cheap nylon muscle t-shirt
37:59And any hint of cool instantly vanished
38:05It wasn't a t-shirt
38:06And this iPad does actually play the videos
38:08And you are definitely still six foot eight
38:10There are only two people left to go
38:13It is Amy and Joanna
38:16This is fun
38:17OK
38:18Whoa
38:19Whoa
38:21Whoa
38:22Whoa
38:23Whoa
38:24Oh my god
38:25Whoa
38:29Whoa
38:31Whoa
38:33Whoa
38:33Whoa
38:33Whoa
38:34Whoa
38:34Whoa
38:36Right
38:38Well that goes far doesn't it
38:41Can I take some of these t-shirts down there?
38:43Yeah I can bring the thing down for you if you want
38:45Oh my god
38:46Come on let's go down
38:47OK
38:47I'm strong remember
38:48OK
38:59What am I doing with the gold one now?
39:01You're trying to catch it
39:02If you catch it
39:02Your total at the end will be doubled
39:05Are you good at catching?
39:07Yep
39:08OK
39:20Oh my god that was incredible
39:22I have to say I've let myself down a year on
39:25But I think I brought it back with that
39:30Oh
39:33All I've got to do is get something on the white
39:35And then you've got to put the loads on
39:37Mm-hmm
39:37Right I'm not gonna think about it
39:41Yes
39:42Yes
39:42Yes
39:43Shall I start putting them on?
39:45Yeah start getting them on
39:46I think I'm just gonna help you put on t-shirts
39:48Better walk
39:51Oh you're like a big baby
39:54I've never had a man in front of me put his clothes on this fast before ever
40:02Yes
40:03Yes
40:03You've got to dunk that in the bucket put it on me and that's the end of the task
40:06Oh yes
40:10There we go
40:11There's a foot in the condom on the sausage
40:15Oh my gosh this is brilliant
40:17That's me saying
40:18You've run out
40:19Yeah
40:19Yeah
40:20Brilliant
40:21High five
40:22Thank you
40:31Well I guess the obvious first question is have you put a condom on this
40:36Have you?
40:39Maybe once
40:39Okay
40:41LAUGHTER
40:42They both managed to get a lot of t-shirts on me they were running out at the time
40:45You dunked one at the end because you wanted to put a wet one on me
40:48Excuse me
40:48Time was running out
40:50So both women got 24 t-shirts
40:53Oh wow
40:55Wow
40:5524
40:59Wow
40:59Wow
40:59Wow
40:59Wow
40:59But Joanna has to be doubled the number of shirts you put on me
41:02What does that do to the score?
41:03Well it means Armando gets one point for his one t-shirt
41:05Joel got six so he gets two points
41:07Kamel 12, three points
41:09Amy twice as many
41:1124, four points
41:12Joanna twice as many again
41:1348 t-shirts and five points to join
41:15CHEERING
41:17Very good
41:20Do you see a scoreboard then?
41:22Sure
41:22Yes and it does mean the women are on top
41:24Joanna's at the top of the leaderboard with 17
41:26Then Amy on 16 points
41:27CHEERING
41:29CHEERING
41:31All right everyone
41:32Will you please make your way to the stage for the first final task of the show?
41:38CHEERING
41:39CHEERING
41:46Hello my handsome prince
41:47I'm a little worm
41:49Hello Greg
41:50Who will be reading the task for us?
41:52I think Joanna Page
41:53Ah
41:54Joanna Page
41:55You ready?
41:56No
41:57Find four oranges
41:59If you find an apple you miss your next go
42:03If you find a lemon the order reverses
42:07If you find a duck you must greet the duck by name
42:11If you find an orange you can look under another cam
42:16Fastest to find four oranges in one turn wins
42:20Who's starting Alex?
42:22Amy's going to start
42:23I've also got to say only one person gets points here
42:26Only the orange finder gets five points
42:30Ready?
42:30Ready?
42:31Ready
42:31Amy
42:32Find the orange
42:33Find the orange
42:34CHEERING
42:35Apple
42:36That means
42:36I miss my next go
42:37You miss your next go Amanda you're up
42:41Apple you miss your next go
42:44Lemon
42:45That means the order reverses you miss a go you miss a go so it's Camel's turn
42:50Oh
42:54Hello Dave
42:59Hello Dr. Cooper
43:05Hello Dave
43:11Come on
43:18Oh
43:20Fuck you Debbie
43:23Yes
43:25Yes
43:26Yes
43:29Yes
43:30Yes
43:31Yes
43:32Oh
43:33Yes
43:34Oh
43:34Yes
43:35Diane
43:37Denise you bitch
43:39There we go
43:41Good feeling
43:42Good vibes
43:43Oh
43:43Oh
43:45Oh
43:47Debbie where are the fucking orange
43:53Oh
43:54Oh
43:55Oh
43:55Oh
43:56Oh
43:57Oh
44:00Oh
44:09Oh
44:10Oh
44:11Oh
44:12Oh
44:13Oh
44:13Oh
44:13Oh
44:13Oh
44:13Oh
44:14Oh
44:17Oh
44:18Oh
44:18Oh
44:18Oh
44:19Oh
44:20Oh
44:21Oh
44:25Oh
44:45Right that
44:53It's one of these and I can't remember which one. It was
45:07Yes, oh my god, I feel very confident
45:15Come on Joanna
45:19Yes
45:21I've always thought you'd be the one Joanna. I always thought Joanna
45:26Yeah, feels good, doesn't it? Yeah feels right
45:32Joanna this could be the greatest moment in Taskmaster history
45:56You did it! Come down here and we'll lead back to the final score!
45:59Oh
46:14Well, only one person was able to snuffle out the four oranges and that was of course Joanna page you
46:19get the full five points
46:20Thank you
46:27Truly snuffle for Wales there Joanna
46:30Which means the final league table we have Armando and Joel joint third on 11 points
46:36And I say that because Joanna's got twice as many points. She's won the episode with 22 boys
46:42Oh
46:42Joanna page wins!
46:44Please pop up and claim your property to keep the full of your property!
46:53So what have we learnt today?
46:55Well, we've learnt that Taskmaster is the great leveller. If you take part, there is no hierarchy
47:00There is no ego. It's just five humans being together
47:06But also, oh my god, he's so famous
47:16We have begun! We'll see you soon for episode two, but for now, here is your winner for the night,
47:21Joanna Payne!
47:45We'll see you soon for the night, Joanna Fallzak, who's gone with us!
47:47You, my god, you, my god!
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