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00:03March 12th, 2003.
00:08From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York,
00:13this is The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
00:33Hey, everybody, welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Jon Stewart.
00:36Today's show, phenomenal.
00:38Congressman and presidential candidate Dick Gephardt will be joining us,
00:42and we're going to spend some time with him remembering the Democratic Party.
00:45For those of you unfamiliar with the Democratic Party,
00:48there are some fellas from the 60s that, I believe, if I remember correctly,
00:53wanted hippies to eat government cheese.
00:55Now, I could be wrong about that.
00:58Rob Cordero will be joining us,
00:59and I do want to quickly follow up on something that we were talking about
01:02at the top of yesterday's show.
01:03We mentioned that the White House had released photos of the president
01:07working the phones, trying to persuade other nations on the Security Council
01:11to support the U.S. on Iraq.
01:13Now, in discussing these photos, I had made some comments
01:18about perhaps the effectiveness and respect shown by our president
01:22in calling countries as opposed to perhaps in these dangerous times going there.
01:27that maybe calling them on the phone might not be the most effective form of diplomacy.
01:32Well, the White House found out about this.
01:33They were shocked.
01:33They were angered.
01:34They countered my comments by releasing more photos today
01:38that show the president's phone diplomacy in a better light.
01:41Showed it working.
01:42There he is right there.
01:45Clearly, right there, he has broken the ice in Cameroon.
01:53That clearly shows some headway being made.
01:56And I believe we have another photo there.
01:57Right there.
01:59That is him getting very comfortable with Angola.
02:02By the way, if we can come back, on that phone call right there,
02:07we heard through the grapevine that the president found out that Sudan likes us.
02:14And I mean, likes us, likes us.
02:20But Mozambique?
02:23Nuh-uh.
02:24Nuh-uh.
02:26Now, well,
02:29while our attention has been focused on war with Iraq,
02:33our military has been focusing on another enemy,
02:36one much closer to home.
02:38Here's how that attack was reported on Good Morning America earlier today.
02:44It was a monstrous blast,
02:47sending a mushroom cloud thousands of feet above the Florida test range.
02:53That's right, people.
02:54At 11.15 a.m. yesterday,
02:59the United States of America attacked Florida.
03:10I'm sure our government tried every diplomatic solution,
03:13but as rough as this is,
03:14let's face it,
03:15Florida had it coming.
03:17I mean, honestly,
03:19Elyon, the 2000 elections,
03:21the Everglades,
03:22those f***ing Everglades,
03:26with their swamps.
03:29Florida has left us no choice.
03:31The bomb that the Air Force dropped on Florida,
03:33at a test range in Pensacola,
03:35to be precise,
03:36is named MOAB.
03:37And at 21,000 pounds,
03:39the MOAB is by far the largest,
03:41most powerful non-nuclear bomb in the world.
03:45It proves, once again,
03:47that our country has an enormous penis.
03:55MOAB is an acronym for Massive Ordnance Air Blast,
04:02or Mother of All Bombs,
04:04and it's also an anagram for,
04:06oh, bam!
04:09And it explodes with tremendous force,
04:13and can flatten buildings up to a mile from its explosion zone.
04:17Although, quite frankly,
04:18if you dropped a 21,000 pound piano on a town,
04:20you'd probably destroy half of it.
04:23Now, the Air Force released exciting footage of the test bombing.
04:27Let's take a look at it.
04:28There's the MOAB coming out of the plane,
04:31where the parachute is attached to it.
04:33You can see it disengages from the parachute,
04:35slows it down some,
04:36now it's falling.
04:40You're watching real-time footage of the MOAB bomb drop,
04:45and that's it.
04:46Gravity take...
04:46You know what?
04:47Why don't I just spice this up a little bit for you?
04:49It's a little boring.
04:50Okay, hold on one second.
04:59Jesus.
05:03Sir Isaac Newsom invented gravity,
05:07and...
05:14I just got to stop smoking.
05:16There we go!
05:17There it is!
05:19That's it!
05:23Now, I don't want to say that took a long time,
05:25but that bomb was originally dropped over Afghanistan.
05:29It only landed in Florida due to the rotation of the Earth.
05:35Now, that footage was obviously taken from a distance
05:38for the safety of the cameraman.
05:41We were able to obtain some close-up video of the bomb dropping.
05:55Riding it like an ox.
05:57I was surprised.
05:58So why release footage of a weapons test?
06:01Well, ABC's George Stephanopoulos took his boyish reporting skills to Kuwait,
06:05where he interviewed three-star General Michael Mosley.
06:08I don't want to say never.
06:09Back in the States yesterday, the Air Force tested the massive ordnance airburst bomb,
06:15the largest convention...
06:15The Moab.
06:16Moab, mother of all bombs.
06:18What could you do with that?
06:19There would be multiple uses for that,
06:21not just the blast effect on a target,
06:23but the psychological effect of something that big.
06:27Ah, Psyops.
06:29Right.
06:30For instance, if you have a neuroses concerning a giant thing that could flatten your village,
06:39this might play into that.
06:43Now, we may have released that footage to psych out the Iraqis,
06:46but today, and this is true,
06:48the Iraqis released this footage to show how prepared they are.
06:53Ah!
06:54I won't!
06:57It's true.
06:59Iraqi TV broadcast footage of Arab volunteers from other countries
07:03training to fight against a possible U.S.-led attack.
07:07Now, that footage was not, as we had previously reported,
07:11an intercepted transmission of Battle of the Al Jazeera Network stars.
07:14I personally had my money on Gabe Al-Khattir.
07:18Sure, it may look silly,
07:20especially when compared to a 21,000-pound bomb,
07:23but the Iraqis are training hard in a technique
07:25proven to be effective against the United States.
07:28The technique is called faking an accident
07:32and then suing for whiplash.
07:35And if nothing else,
07:36the Iraqi army has proven
07:38it is well prepared for any banana peel landmines.
07:44But Iraqi military preparation
07:46is not just limited to the forward somersault.
07:49They have helicopters, too!
07:52Though I'm not sure they know exactly how to use them.
07:56I don't want to give aid and comfort to the enemy,
07:59but, um,
08:01the soldiers go on the inside.
08:06Still, it is chilling to know
08:14that at a moment's notice
08:15the Iraqi army could
08:18dazzle us.
08:22Now, even if we somehow,
08:24I'm sure it was pulling a banner
08:26that was advertising a show in Vegas,
08:27Even if we somehow manage to avoid war,
08:31America's budget deficit
08:33could surpass $300 billion this year.
08:36But where is all the government's money going?
08:38Our own Rob Corddry exposes
08:40one potential source of government waste
08:42in his ongoing award-winning series.
08:44Come on!
08:50We've all heard it before.
08:52It's an age-old saying
08:55that the children
08:56are the future.
08:58Our society
08:59bends over backwards
09:00for the children.
09:02We feed them.
09:03We clothe them.
09:04We educate them.
09:06We even
09:07anthropomorphize
09:08sponges for them.
09:10But are children
09:11really worth the investment?
09:13I mean,
09:14come on!
09:16Greg Drosdek
09:17runs New York's
09:18Stanton Street Settlements,
09:19a place where kids
09:20can get help
09:21with their homework
09:22for free.
09:24Greg Drosdek,
09:25are the children
09:26the future?
09:28Very obviously
09:29the children
09:29are the future.
09:30Come on!
09:32Most kids that I know
09:33don't vote.
09:34They don't pay taxes.
09:36You can't talk about
09:36the future
09:37without thinking
09:37of children first.
09:39Come on!
09:41Are the billions
09:42of dollars
09:42worth spending
09:43on the children
09:44paying off?
09:45Or are they just
09:46teat-sucking parasites?
09:48Who's a little
09:49teat-sucking parasite?
09:52We found some
09:53of these tykes
09:54and we put them
09:54through a battery
09:55of tests.
09:56What would you
09:57advocate as
09:58an alternative
09:58fuel source?
10:03Okay, Joey?
10:13do you know
10:15who these people
10:16are?
10:17Who's this?
10:20Grandma.
10:22Which one
10:22of these figures
10:23would you like
10:24to lead us
10:24into the future?
10:26Elmo.
10:27Elmo.
10:28Do you want
10:30Elmo?
10:30Elmo.
10:30Why do you
10:31think Elmo
10:32would be
10:32a good leader?
10:34Because he's
10:35dumb.
10:37Yeah.
10:38Elmo's
10:38the stupid
10:39one.
10:40Children
10:41were clearly
10:42inferior
10:43when it came
10:43to brains.
10:44And muscle?
10:46Come on!
10:55Damn, she
10:56can't lift
10:57ten pounds.
10:58Watch me
10:59school her
10:59ass.
11:02Aw, yeah!
11:09Gravity,
11:10take five.
11:11Despite this
11:12obvious lack
11:13of ability,
11:14children are
11:14so catered
11:15to, they
11:16think they
11:17can do
11:17anything.
11:18What kind
11:19of jobs
11:19do you
11:20want in
11:20the future?
11:22Plumber!
11:24Plumber!
11:25Plumber, so
11:25do you have
11:26experience with
11:27HVAC then?
11:29Heating,
11:29ventilation,
11:30air conditioning?
11:31No.
11:32You want
11:33to be a
11:33plumber,
11:33you don't
11:34know about
11:34HVAC.
11:36Good luck.
11:37So what's
11:38really going
11:39on here?
11:41Fortunately
11:41for us,
11:42Greg blew
11:42his cover.
11:43One of the
11:44things I do
11:44is I teach
11:45martial arts.
11:46to the kids
11:47a few days
11:48a week.
11:49That's right,
11:50martial arts.
11:51A few days
11:52a week,
11:53children advocates
11:53are training
11:54children to be
11:55jujitsu warriors.
11:56Not afraid?
11:58Well, you
11:58should be.
11:59Because given
12:00its present
12:00growth rate,
12:01by the time
12:02this child
12:02turns 300
12:03years old,
12:04it'll look
12:05like this.
12:06With that
12:06kind of power,
12:07what could
12:08be their
12:08ultimate goal?
12:09We're
12:10all
12:10domination!
12:12Okay, so what
12:13do you do
12:13once you
12:14dominate the
12:14world?
12:17Uh,
12:18uh,
12:19you would do
12:20nothing.
12:21Nothing?
12:22I mean,
12:24come on!
12:29Thank you,
12:30Rob.
12:31We'll be right
12:31back.
12:45Welcome back.
12:47My guest
12:47tonight is the
12:48Democratic
12:48Congressman
12:49representing
12:49Missouri's
12:504th District,
12:51the former
12:51Democratic
12:52House leader,
12:52and a
12:53candidate for
12:54President in
12:542004.
12:55Please welcome
12:56Congressman
12:57Dick Gephardt.
12:57Congressman!
13:09Congressman,
13:10nice to see you.
13:11Good to be
13:11here.
13:11Thanks for
13:12coming.
13:12I know
13:12these are
13:13crazy times.
13:14We do
13:14appreciate you
13:15taking the
13:16time out and
13:16visiting us.
13:17I'm just glad
13:17I wasn't next
13:18to Elmo in
13:19that last time.
13:19Ah,
13:19it's sad.
13:20Do you know
13:20what?
13:20It actually
13:21kept going.
13:22He thought
13:22Joe Lieberman
13:22was grandma.
13:24They thought
13:24I would have
13:25hated what
13:25they said
13:26about me.
13:26No,
13:27they would
13:27have loved
13:27you.
13:27They thought
13:27Bush was
13:28daddy.
13:29Really?
13:30Children of
13:31the future.
13:31Yeah,
13:32that's right.
13:32We wanted
13:33to talk to
13:34you about
13:34this
13:34freedom
13:34fries
13:35thing.
13:35Is that
13:37true?
13:37Did they
13:37take off
13:38french fries
13:39from the
13:39menu in
13:39the
13:39congressional
13:40cafeteria?
13:41I mean,
13:42we've got
13:42a lot of
13:43problems,
13:43right?
13:43And the
13:44Republican
13:44leadership
13:45brings up
13:46freedom
13:46fries.
13:47Oh,
13:47this was
13:47a Republican
13:48leadership
13:48issue?
13:48Yeah,
13:49this is
13:50what they
13:51do.
13:52I mean,
13:54the
13:54congressman
13:59congressman,
14:00if the
14:00Democrats
14:01can't stop
14:02them from
14:02renaming
14:03french fries,
14:04how are we
14:05going to
14:05stop them
14:06from...
14:06On one of
14:07the morning
14:07shows,
14:07they said,
14:08what about
14:08the french
14:08kiss?
14:09What do
14:10you think?
14:10Freedom
14:11kiss.
14:12Oh.
14:14Can you
14:14imagine kids
14:15in ninth
14:15grade having
14:16their first
14:16freedom kiss?
14:18No good.
14:19Now,
14:19what about...
14:20It's 2000.
14:21Go ahead.
14:22It is 2000.
14:22I was going
14:22to ask you
14:22about this.
14:23Five months
14:24ago,
14:25both
14:25houses of
14:25congress
14:26voted for
14:27a resolution
14:27authorizing
14:28President Bush
14:28to be able
14:29to use force
14:29in Iraq.
14:32Now,
14:33in retrospect,
14:34any regrets?
14:35No regrets
14:36at all?
14:37No.
14:38Here's the
14:38problem.
14:39What we're
14:40worried about
14:41is an A-bomb
14:42in the United
14:42States.
14:43We can't
14:43have that
14:43happen.
14:44We've got
14:45to protect
14:45against that.
14:46We've got
14:46to prevent
14:46that from
14:47happening.
14:47You are
14:48freaking me
14:48out.
14:49What do
14:49you know?
14:49What have
14:50you heard?
14:50No, no,
14:50look.
14:53I've got to
14:53go out and
14:54get some
14:54duct tape.
14:54I don't
14:55know what's
14:55going on
14:55here.
14:59It's an
14:59interesting point.
15:01You're worried
15:02that he will
15:02develop a nuclear
15:03weapon and give
15:03it to a terrorist.
15:04I'm worried
15:05that he'll have
15:05components of a
15:06weapon that will
15:07be past a
15:08terrorist and
15:09will wind up in
15:10the United States.
15:11We can't have
15:11that happen.
15:12I mean, if you
15:13think about the
15:13aftermath, we
15:14can't have it
15:14happen.
15:15But I said to
15:15the president in
15:16the spring of
15:17last year, if
15:18you want to deal
15:18with Iraq, you
15:19got to go to
15:19the U.N.
15:20You got to deal
15:21with the U.N.
15:22and bring the U.N.
15:23with us because
15:24we need help.
15:25This is all your
15:25idea?
15:27Did you really?
15:28I told you.
15:28I had no idea
15:29you were this
15:30powerful.
15:32So, by going to
15:33because a lot of
15:33people in the
15:34country feel like
15:35and maybe, I
15:36mean, have you
15:36seen, this has
15:37had an incredibly
15:38polarizing effect
15:39in a way that I
15:40have not seen in
15:41my 40 years.
15:43Even with this
15:43show, if we
15:45make a joke that
15:46some deem too
15:47liberal, we get
15:47flamed.
15:48If we make a joke
15:48that some deem too
15:49conservative, there's
15:50almost no winning
15:51for the center
15:52anymore or the
15:53moderates.
15:54Are you finding
15:54that as well, that
15:55there's more
15:55polarization?
15:56There's polarization
15:57and the president,
15:59you know, when he
15:59ran, said he wanted
16:00to be a uniter, not
16:02a divider.
16:02Well, Europe seems
16:04pretty united.
16:04I think he's done
16:05that.
16:07In some respects,
16:08no, I don't
16:08agree with that.
16:12Is it troubling
16:13to you that the
16:15Democrats are having
16:16a tough time
16:17mounting an
16:17effective opposition?
16:18That's what it
16:19seems like is
16:19happening.
16:20We've done well.
16:21I mean, look, the
16:22last election, the
16:23country's 50-50,
16:24let's face it.
16:25And the last
16:26election was really
16:28very close.
16:29I mean, we lost,
16:29but it was very,
16:30very close, just a
16:31sliver.
16:32Now, my question
16:33is this.
16:35Do you think that
16:37things are going
16:38well right now?
16:38Don't you think
16:39we're going to win
16:40the next election
16:40with what's going
16:41on in the country?
16:42Well, that's an
16:43interesting point,
16:44but let's say we do
16:45go to war.
16:45The stock market's
16:46on the ground.
16:47We have two
16:49million jobs have
16:50been lost in this
16:51country.
16:52We're at war and
16:54in isolation.
16:54We're having trouble
16:55bringing the whole
16:56world with us in what
16:57we're trying to do in
16:58foreign policy.
16:59I don't think things
17:00are going very well.
17:00I think in the next
17:01election, we're going
17:02to do real well.
17:03American Idol's back
17:04on.
17:04That's good.
17:05That's true.
17:06But here's what's so
17:07surprising.
17:07It does seem that with
17:08all these things that
17:09are not going well,
17:10then how do they
17:11maintain a decent
17:12approval rate?
17:13I mean, the approval
17:14rate is still relatively
17:15in the 50s, maybe
17:16close to 60s.
17:17Just the other day,
17:18they took a poll
17:18nationally, and it
17:20said an unidentified
17:21Democrat would beat
17:23the President of the
17:23United States by four
17:24votes, by four
17:25percentage points.
17:27That Democrat's going
17:28to turn out to be
17:28John Kennedy, though.
17:29You know that.
17:30That's good.
17:30You think anybody?
17:31They said anybody?
17:32I was toying with
17:33changing my name to
17:34unidentified Democrats.
17:36That might be a bad
17:37strategy.
17:37We're going to go to
17:37commercial right back
17:38with Representative
17:39Dick Cavillard.
17:51Welcome back.
17:52We're talking with
17:53Representative Dick
17:54Cavillard.
17:54You are running for
17:55President in 2004.
17:56Sir.
17:57Now, at this point,
17:58nine people, ten people?
18:00About nine.
18:01About nine.
18:02Could be more.
18:03Now, Florida had
18:03trouble deciding
18:04between two people.
18:06Are they going to be
18:07able to handle nine or
18:08ten?
18:09I don't know.
18:10They have new machines,
18:11so maybe it'll work.
18:12They have new machines
18:13and they can do this.
18:15How are you going to
18:16separate yourselves?
18:17I mean, this is perhaps
18:18a time of war.
18:20Separate yourself enough
18:21from the administration
18:22to make yourself stand
18:24apart from them,
18:25without necessarily
18:27undercutting their
18:28authority as you run
18:29for president.
18:30Is that the most
18:31difficult challenge of
18:31this?
18:32I'm going to say that
18:33the president is leading
18:35this country in all the
18:37wrong directions.
18:38I'm going to talk
18:45The economy is on the
18:46floor.
18:47I led the fight with
18:48Bill Clinton in 1993
18:49to get the budget
18:50straightened out,
18:51to get the foundation
18:53laid so the American
18:54people could create
18:5522 million new jobs
18:57in eight years.
18:57We need to get back
18:58to that kind of economy.
19:00I can do it.
19:01I can put the things
19:02in place.
19:03We need to get
19:03everybody covered with
19:04health insurance in
19:05this country.
19:10A lot of our audience
19:12has impediato,
19:13so that's why I don't
19:13need to ask.
19:14But how do you get
19:15people focused on that
19:16because we are so
19:17dominated now by what's
19:19about to transpire?
19:20And you said something
19:21earlier, you agree with
19:22the president that we
19:23should go into Iraq.
19:24Is it his methodology
19:26that you disagree with?
19:27Is it how he's gone
19:28about it?
19:28Is that the separation?
19:30I've really tried to
19:31help him because I said
19:32to him on 9-12 in the
19:34White House, I said,
19:35we've got to put
19:35politics aside, we've
19:37got to do what's right
19:37for the country, and
19:38I've tried to do it,
19:39but he's been hard to
19:39help.
19:40I mean, he has not
19:41communicated, in my
19:42view, in a good way
19:44with the rest of the
19:44world.
19:45We are driving people
19:46away from us rather
19:47than bringing countries
19:49with us.
19:49I mean, let's face it,
19:51we are now more
19:52isolated from this world
19:54than we've ever been.
19:55The Clint Eastwood
19:56stuff, the cowboy
19:57stuff, doesn't get us
19:58where we need to be.
19:59We need to be engaging
20:01with nations, bringing
20:02nations with us.
20:03We need to prevent
20:05young people from
20:06deciding to become
20:07terrorists in other
20:08countries.
20:08We need to get
20:09Americans out in the
20:10world, teaching people
20:12governance, democracy,
20:14and happiness.
20:14Can I tell you
20:14something?
20:15Honestly, I had no
20:16idea you had this
20:16kind of passion in
20:17you.
20:17You've got a fire in
20:18your belly, sir.
20:18I had no idea.
20:20I watch you on the
20:20C-SPAN, and you're
20:22just, you know,
20:24Bill 514-3.
20:26I see you now.
20:27I almost, I'm afraid
20:28you're going to take a
20:28swing at me, quite
20:29frankly.
20:31Well, listen, I hope we
20:32have more time to
20:33discuss stuff.
20:34Obviously, there's a lot
20:35of things on the table,
20:36so please come back.
20:37Yes, sir.
20:37Jack Kennedy, 1960,
20:39when I was in college,
20:40inspired people like me
20:41to get into public life,
20:42and I want young people
20:44in this country to get
20:45involved in politics,
20:47to get out and
20:48participate and reclaim
20:49this country, seize the
20:51future, and let's make
20:52this country great as
20:53this morning.
20:56I'll do it!
20:59Sir, thank you so
21:00much for coming.
21:01Representative Dick
21:01Gapar, we'll be right
21:02back.
21:08We've got to go!
21:09Colin Quinn's tough
21:10crowd is up next.
21:11Here it is, your
21:12moment of zen.
21:23We've got to go!
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