00:04this movie baffles me every time we watch it what do you mean the instructions are very clear
00:10don't feed the gremlins after midnight don't get the gremlins wet how hard is that
00:21hi guys hi honey hey oh we're honey now are we yes since their relationship became carnal
00:29penny has upgraded his designated term of endearment thus distinguishing him from those
00:33she calls sweetie usually an attempt to soften a thinly veiled insult you're boring people sweetie
00:42although sometimes she omits the veil entirely so what are you guys doing celebrating columbus
00:48day we're watching goonies gremlins and young sherlock holmes they're all written by chris columbus
00:57okay what do you watch on thanksgiving the parade
01:03oh you know that reminds me i usually go back to nebraska for thanksgiving but this
01:06year they're calling it off on account of my brother's trial what's he on trial for
01:10oh just a big misunderstanding you know you'd actually like my brother he's kind of a chemist
01:19anyway i was thinking i'd have thanksgiving here and you are all invited
01:22i'll be there will you be serving cranberry jelly or cranberry sauce
01:28i guess i could serve both you guess you don't seem to have much of a handle on this
01:34yeah i really wish i could penny but every year my mother has all the relatives over
01:39and cooks up her famous terbrisca fill
01:43her brisca fill turkey stuffed with the brisket stuffed with gefilta fish
01:50it's not as good as it sounds
01:53raj what about you oh he usually comes to my house right pal
02:01all right this year you don't have to eat the terbrisca fill
02:06i don't even chew it i swallow it like pills
02:10our whole universe was in a hot tent state that nearly 14 million years ago expansion started
02:17wait
02:18the earth began to cool the autotrophs began to drool the and recalls developers we built a wall
02:23the pyramids mad science history unraveling the mystery that all started with a big bang
02:35so what's going on with raj well the good news is he has no problem with my mother's terbrisca fill
02:42hard to believe but go on the bad news is he says he's getting deported what do you mean he's
02:49getting
02:49deported i believe it means that the u.s government is going to expel him in the country he could
02:55then
02:55either return to his native india immigrate to another country that's willing to accept him or wander
02:59the high seas as a stateless pirate
03:05personally i'd choose pirate
03:08penny would you mind stepping outside so we can speak to him
03:12fine but the man really needs to work on his girl issues another reason to consider a life of
03:17piracy even today i understand that's an all-male profession
03:23okay she's gone
03:29sorry i lost my cool
03:33so what's going on okay here's the deal six months ago my research testing the predicted
03:39composition of trans neptunian objects ran into a dead end so so my visa's only good as long as i'm
03:45employed at the university and when they find out i've got squat they're going to cut me off
03:50by the way when i say squat i mean diddly squat
03:54i wish i had squat
03:57so oh wait what have you been doing for the past six months you know checking email
04:03updating my facebook status messing up wikipedia entries
04:09hey did you know netflix lets you stream movies on your computer now
04:13and you've continued to take the university's money under false pretenses highly unethical for an
04:18astrophysicist well they're practically mandatory for a pirate
04:23i don't want to go back to india it's hot and loud and there's so many people
04:31you have no idea they're everywhere okay guys think how do we keep raj in the country
04:43why doesn't he just get another job
04:51what are you asking me for i don't know if you can talk now or not
05:00oh beef i'm gonna miss you so much
05:05do you know at the mumbai mcdonald's you can't get a big mac all you can get is a chicken
05:09maharaja mac
05:11and the special sauce curry which in india believe you me is really not that special
05:17don't worry you'll find another job yeah let me start practicing for it
05:21do you want fries with that maharaja mac
05:25hi leonard hello raj hi sheldon
05:30forgive me as you know i'm not adept at reading facial cues but i'm going to take a stab here
05:34you're
05:35either sad or nauseated i'm sad i was going to say sad i don't know why i hedge
05:44what are you eating elbow macaroni with ground hamburger and tomato sauce
05:48oh beefaroni i think i'll miss you most of all i've always been a little confused about this why
05:55don't hindus eat beef we believe cows are gods not technically in hinduism cattle are thought to be
06:01like god do not tell me about my own culture sheldon in the mood i'm in i'll take you out
06:05i swear to cow
06:09i'm sorry me too i'm just i'm a little on edge understandable your entire life seems to be
06:15crumbling around you and your future appears bleak at best thank you you're wrong about hinduism and cows
06:24hey rosh guess what professor lawson is looking for someone to join the stellar evolution research
06:28team you're kidding that's fantastic come on what are you waiting for call them and set up an interview
06:33i'm on it that's happy right yeah nailed it
06:40dr kuthrabali come on in i was surprised to hear you were interested in joining our little team
06:44giving up on those trans neptunian objects are we no no it's a very promising area in a perfect world
06:50i'd spent several more years on it but i just couldn't pass up the opportunity to work with you
06:54on your tremendously exciting and not yet conclusively disproved hypothesis
06:59splendid please sit down come off your sherry it's a little early isn't it not on proximus centauri
07:06oh that's very good jolly amusing but if you don't mind i'll hold off until sunset on titan
07:14well done i have a feeling you're going to fit in just fine dr kuthrabali thank you sir
07:21i'm sorry am i late no no right on time dr kuthrabali may i present dr millstone from mit
07:28she'll be heading up our data analysis team it's nice to meet you dr kuthrabali
07:34i read your paper on kuiper belt object size distribution i really enjoyed it
07:43how did you correct for the selection bias well i ran a simulation
07:48allowed me to correct for the observational efficiency that's just fascinating thank you
07:57would you like to hear more about it in my hot tub
08:04so when do i start
08:09what do you mean you didn't get the job how could you not get it
08:12you know he's british i'm indian ever since gandhi they haven't liked us very much
08:21are you saying that he discriminated against you because we should file a complaint that's okay
08:25complaint's been filed so that's it that was my last hope i'm going to be deported sent home in
08:35disgrace exposed to the sardonic barbs of my cousin sanjay or as you may know him dave from at&t
08:40customer
08:44service
08:48i'm really gonna miss you will you come visit me in india
08:52gee that's like a 17-hour flight how about i meet you halfway halfway 600 miles off the coast of
08:59japan
09:00i'll tell you what we'll skype
09:05gentlemen hey raj did you get the job with professor laughlin no i assumed as much but never fear
09:12like the subordinate male protagonist in countless action movies who disappears halfway through the
09:17second reel i have returned to save the day
09:24odd usually he's met by cheers anyway i was thinking about exploring the string theory
09:30implications of gamma rays from dark matter annihilations and it occurred to me that i
09:34could benefit sheldon how many reels before the subordinate male protagonist gets to his point
09:38i'm sorry if you didn't cheer at my entrance it's too late to buy into the premise
09:46anyway i got some extra money from the head of the department and raj can come work for me
09:52you want me to work with you for me you're going to have to listen more carefully when you're on
09:59the
09:59job okay uh please don't take this the wrong way but i'd rather swim buck naked across the ganges
10:06with a paper cut on my nipple and die a slow agonizing death from a viral infection
10:11then work with you for me
10:25sheldon are you busy of course i'm busy should i wait yes please
10:45how may i help you
10:49i've reconsidered your offer to let me work with you for me
10:54yes for you i do however have a few conditions
10:58first at all times i'm to be treated as a colleague and an equal second my contributions
11:03shall be noted in all published materials and third you are never allowed to lecture me on hinduism
11:08or my indian culture i'm impressed raj those are very cogent and reasonable conditions thank you i
11:15reject them all and you leave me no choice i accept the job i'm sorry i believe you've misunderstood
11:25i'm not giving you the job i'm simply affording you the opportunity to apply for it
11:33have a seat we'll get started with the interview what you're kidding please all right
11:44so
11:49that's what you wear to an interview
11:52come on dude we've been friends for years oh pulling strings are we
11:58sheldon for god's sakes don't make me beg
12:04bazinga you've fallen victim to another one of my classic practical jokes
12:10i'm your boss now you may want to laugh at that
12:17nice having the place to ourselves isn't it uh-huh now that raj is working for sheldon i don't have
12:23to show from around anymore plus yeah with them working late so much we get some privacy
12:31hey want to get a little crazy what are you thinking let's slide over to sheldon's spot and make out
12:41you are a dirty girl
12:46oh god how did he know hello hi howard am i interrupting a little bit yeah
12:55i guess i should have called yeah maybe
13:07tonight's the night i usually go line dancing with raj at the palomino
13:13uh-huh i bet he's working with sheldon yes we know
13:18want me to leave you know whatever okay i guess i can hang for a little while
13:27so what are we watching sex in the city yikes hey i happen to love this movie fine let's watch
13:35it
13:36maybe all our periods will synchronize
13:43all right we're going to be designing an experiment to look for the annihilation
13:47spectrum resulting from dark matter collisions in space
13:50oh dark matter we better bring a flashlight
13:56i was making a joke i'm the boss i make the jokes
14:03sorry go ahead and make your joke this is not the time for joking
14:07we're doing serious research which requires complete and utter focus all right let's buckle down and work
14:13me
14:19so
14:44Sheldon?
14:44What?
14:45I need an aspirin.
14:46Top test drawer.
14:55All right?
14:56Yes.
14:56Good.
15:06That was fun.
15:09Leonard, honey, you don't have to say thank you every time we have sex.
15:12Oh, okay.
15:15Tomorrow you're going to get a card in the mail.
15:17Just throw it away.
15:22Top of the mornin' to ya.
15:26What are you doing here?
15:28Well, usually on Sundays I go with Raj to scam on hippie chicks at the farmer's market,
15:33but I'm still working with Sheldon, so I thought I'd come over here and make you guys scrambled
15:38eggs and salami.
15:41It's the perfect meal for après l'amour.
15:46Oh, kill me.
15:48By the way, I couldn't help overhearing your big finish.
15:50Bravo.
15:55See, if you had killed me when I said kill me, I wouldn't have had to hear that.
16:00What do you guys think?
16:00Want to take in a matinee?
16:02Maybe go rollerblading?
16:03Catch a step class?
16:06Do something.
16:07Okay, um, Howard, we need to talk.
16:11Sure.
16:11Sup, Homs?
16:13Uh, please understand that it's not that we don't want you around, but Penny and I occasionally
16:20need some alone time.
16:24Oh.
16:27I get it.
16:28I'm the third wheel.
16:30Sorry.
16:30I should have seen that.
16:32I'll get out of your way.
16:36Uh, you're going to want to eat those eggs while they're still hot.
16:42There's lox and cream cheese in the fridge.
16:45The bagels are in the oven.
16:46I was warming them up.
16:49It's great.
16:51Y'all just got to hang out with my mom.
16:54That's always fun.
16:57Good.
17:05Are we terrible people?
17:07I don't know.
17:08What do you want me to do?
17:11Get him.
17:13Bring him back.
17:14You sure?
17:15Yeah.
17:17Okay.
17:18Howard, come back.
17:19Oh, you guys had me scared from you.
17:25No, no, no, no.
17:26That rate is much too low from what we'd expect from this collision.
17:29Do you understand we're talking about dark matter colliding in outer space?
17:32Yeah, of course I understand.
17:34And who are you to tell me about outer space?
17:36Well, I'm the astrophysicist.
17:38Astro means space.
17:40Astro means star.
17:43Okay, well, let me just tell you.
17:44If we were having this argument in my native language, I'd be kicking your butt.
17:49English is your native language.
17:53Okay, you got me there.
17:55But you're wrong about this.
17:57There's a fine line between wrong and visionary.
17:59Unfortunately, you have to be a visionary to see it.
18:03My God, you think that every thought that comes out of your head is pure gold.
18:07Well, let me tell you something.
18:08Some of those thoughts are pure caca.
18:10They're caca.
18:11It means doo-doo.
18:13All right.
18:15First of all, Dr. Kuthapali, when I first proposed that you work with me, I'm working with you.
18:20In this context, with me means for me.
18:23Yeah, well, in this context, if I'm wrong, prove it.
18:29Okay.
18:30Here's where we derive the mass of the dark matter particle.
18:34No, no, no.
18:34You've misstated the atomic weight of the target.
18:36Let me finish defacing my work.
18:38I'm not defacing it.
18:39I'm fixing it.
18:39Give me the eraser.
18:41No.
18:41I said give it to me.
18:43Well, come and get it.
18:46Fine.
18:51Oh, Lord.
18:54Dr. Kuthapali is your superior.
18:56I forbid you from riding on my board.
18:58You are not my superior.
18:59I am in every way.
19:01Oh, yeah?
19:02Can you do this?
19:08Nice working with you.
19:12I'm sorry.
19:14For you.
19:36Raj, Raj, Raj.
19:42I'm busy.
19:43Doing what?
19:48All right, we've made your point.
19:50What do you want, Sheldon?
19:51I looked over the board, and it turns out you were right.
19:54So you were wrong.
19:55I didn't say that.
19:56That's the only logical inference.
19:57Nevertheless, I didn't say it.
20:00Anyway, I would like you to come back and work for me.
20:03For you or with you?
20:06In this context, for me could mean with me.
20:10All right, but I have some conditions.
20:11I reject them all.
20:12I'll take the job.
20:14See you Monday.
20:16Wait.
20:17You have to drive me home.
20:18How did you get here?
20:19I walked.
20:20So walk home.
20:20I can't.
20:21There's a big dog outside.
20:28On the way home, we can start thinking about methods of optimizing the detector for 500 GeV particles.
20:33All right.
20:35All right.
20:36Oh, my God.
21:08Oh, my God.
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