00:01Okay, Babydoll Pink, let's see if you can cover up the fact that I got my dad's feet.
00:07Two degrees, Sheldon. I just want to turn up the thermostat. Two degrees!
00:11Let me point out that two degrees can be the difference between water and steam.
00:15Yes, if we lived in a tea kettle.
00:17This is the temperature you agreed to in the roommate agreement.
00:20Oh, screw the roommate agreement.
00:22No, you don't screw the roommate agreement. The roommate agreement screws you.
00:28You know what? Go to hell and set their thermostat.
00:31I don't have to go to hell. It's 73 degrees. I'm bare already.
00:38Who is it?
00:41Leonard.
00:42Hang on.
00:49Can I sleep on your couch tonight?
00:51Uh, well, you can try, but the people across the hall are being very noisy.
00:55I've heard that, huh?
00:57Apparently, the one fella tried to adjust the thermostat, then the other fella went bat crap crazy.
01:02So you agree he's nuts?
01:05Well, not as nuts as the guy who chooses to live with him.
01:07Believe it or not, he was worse when I met him.
01:10Oh, I do not believe that.
01:12You are so naive.
01:15Just like I was seven years ago.
01:18I just started at the university.
01:26Uh, excuse me, I'm looking for, uh, Sheldon Cooper's apartment.
01:30Oh, I bet you're here to check out the room for rent.
01:32Yeah.
01:32Run away, dude.
01:36What?
01:37Run fast, run far.
01:41That should have been my first clue.
02:09So Sheldon's last roommate tried to warn you off?
02:11Well, for all I knew, he was the crazy one.
02:15He had this really deranged look.
02:18Well, yeah, he'd been living with Sheldon.
02:21Sure, it makes sense now.
02:26Anyway, I went upstairs and knocked on the door.
02:35Yeah?
02:45Dr. Cooper?
02:47No, you want the crazy guy across the hall.
02:54In retrospect, that was clue number two.
03:04Yes?
03:04Uh, I'm Leonard Hofstetter.
03:06I called you about the apartment.
03:07You said to come to her.
03:08I know what I said.
03:09I know what you said.
03:10I know what my mother said on March 5th, 1992.
03:14What is the sixth noble gas?
03:16What?
03:17You said you're a scientist.
03:18What is the sixth noble gas?
03:21Uh, radon?
03:22Are you asking me or telling me?
03:26Telling you?
03:30Telling you.
03:32All right.
03:33Next question.
03:34Kirk or Picard?
03:36Oh, uh, well, that's tricky.
03:39Um, uh, original series over Next Generation, but Picard over Kirk.
03:44Correct.
03:46You've passed the first barrier to roommatehood.
03:49You may enter.
03:52Oh, this is pretty nice.
04:02Bedrooms are back there?
04:03That depends.
04:05I don't understand.
04:05Their existence is conditional?
04:08No, but your ability to perceive their existence is conditional on you passing the second and third barriers.
04:14There's three?
04:15Each more daunting than the last.
04:19Have a seat.
04:20Okay.
04:22No, that's where I sit.
04:28What's the difference?
04:30This seat is ideally located, both in relation to the heat source in the winter and a cross breeze in
04:35the summer.
04:36It also faces the television at a direct angle, allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or gameplay without being
04:42subjected to conversation.
04:43As a result, I've placed it in a state of eternal dibs.
04:49Can you do that?
04:51Cathedral maya reguli maya reguli mayai.
04:55That's Latin for my chair, my rules.
05:00Now, you said on the phone that your area of study is physics.
05:06Experimental physics.
05:08Hmm.
05:10What is that?
05:11Doesn't concern you.
05:13You'll be going to the university every day?
05:16Yes.
05:16And you have a vehicle?
05:17A car, yeah.
05:18And you'll be willing to drive me?
05:19Well, can't you drive?
05:21I can.
05:24I choose not to.
05:27Okay, I suppose I could drive you.
05:31Well, that's a point in my favor, right?
05:32Why don't you let me do this?
05:35Come on, I just asked.
05:41Last question.
05:42In a post-apocalyptic world, which task would you assign the highest priority?
05:47Locating a sustainable food source, reestablishing a functioning government, procreating, or preserving the knowledge of mankind?
05:54Uh, I'm going to go with preserving the knowledge.
05:57That's correct.
06:00FYI, I would have accepted any answer other than procreating.
06:05Come, I'll show you the rest of the apartment.
06:07Oh, good.
06:08I passed the barriers.
06:09The second barrier.
06:11Don't get cocky.
06:14This is the bathroom.
06:17Are you fairly regular?
06:22Uh, I guess.
06:24This isn't going to work if you're guessing.
06:27When do you evacuate your bowels?
06:30When I have to.
06:32When you have to?
06:34I'm sorry, I don't rent to hippies.
06:40I'm sorry.
06:40Uh, in the morning.
06:41Around eight.
06:43I can't give you eight.
06:44I can give you 730.
06:45I can't give you an opportunity.
06:46Fine.
06:47I'll take it.
06:48Third barrier passed.
06:51You have won the right to see your room.
06:53Huzzah.
06:58Is this it?
06:59No, this is my room.
07:01People don't go in my room.
07:03So where do you sleep?
07:06I don't understand.
07:08Well, if people don't go in there and you're people, you are people, aren't you?
07:15Making a joke.
07:17Do you do this often?
07:19On occasion.
07:25Your room.
07:26Your room.
07:35You may want to repaint.
07:39And after all that, you just moved in?
07:42No, I didn't just move in.
07:43First we had to iron out a few details.
07:45Roommates agree that Friday nights shall be reserved for watching Joss Whedon's brilliant
07:50new series, Firefly.
07:53Does that really need to be in the agreement?
07:56We might as well settle it now.
07:57It's going to be on for years.
08:01Initial here.
08:03All right.
08:05That's television and movies.
08:09Section 9.
08:10Miscellany.
08:11The apartment's flag is a gold lion rampant on a field of azure.
08:17We have a flag?
08:29Never fly it upside down.
08:32Unless the apartment's in distress.
08:35All right, next.
08:36If either of us ever invents time travel, we agree our first stop will be this meeting
08:41today in precisely five seconds.
08:46Okay.
08:48Okay.
08:59That's disappointing.
09:02Why on earth did you agree to all that?
09:04Well, it was the best apartment I'd seen.
09:07The rent was very reasonable.
09:08And after you pass the first three barriers, you kind of want to take it all the way.
09:14Well, I'm sorry, Leonard.
09:15It's very hard to feel sympathy for you.
09:18Okay.
09:18How about this?
09:18Let me tell you about the first time I brought a girl over.
09:22Leonard.
09:24Shh.
09:25Just pretend we're not here.
09:29Leonard.
09:31I'm sure he'll go away.
09:35I'm just going to keep knocking until you answer.
09:39Leonard.
09:40Leonard.
09:41Leonard.
09:42What do you want?
09:43I didn't say come in.
09:46You asked what I wanted.
09:48I wanted to come in.
09:50I'm here because you violated our roommate agreement, specifically section eight, visitor subsection
09:56C, females, paragraph four, coitus.
10:00Roommates, she'll give each other 12 hours notice of impending coitus.
10:04I didn't even know her 12 hours ago.
10:07That's it.
10:08I'm out of here.
10:09But rejoice, come on.
10:10Come on, 12 hours.
10:14Oh.
10:15My.
10:15God.
10:17Want me to get some sympathy now?
10:18A little bit?
10:23Okay, let me get this straight.
10:25You move in with this guy.
10:26He makes you sign a ridiculous roommate agreement.
10:28Then he walks into your bedroom while you're doing this Joyce Kim, and you still stay.
10:33Actually, I couldn't get too mad at him about Joyce Kim.
10:35Why not?
10:36Well, I was doing some government research at the time.
10:40You know, military rocket fuel is kind of secret.
10:42All right.
10:43What does that have to do with Joyce Kim?
10:44As it turns out, she was a North Korean spy.
10:50Luckily, Sheldon drove her out before I revealed anything important, which I'm not saying I would have.
10:57So, that's it?
10:58You stayed with Sheldon all this time because he kept you from going to federal prison?
11:02It was part of it.
11:03The other part is what happened with the elevator.
11:05Oh, yeah, I'm wondering about that.
11:07You said it was working when you moved in.
11:09It was.
11:10But one night, Sheldon came home from work.
11:22What is going on here?
11:25Hey, Sheldon.
11:25This is Howard and Raj.
11:26They work at the university, too.
11:28Hey.
11:28Hey.
11:28I'll get to you later.
11:32What are you sitting on?
11:33I can't speak for these guys, but I'm sitting on my tushy.
11:38It's a joke.
11:39Not a good idea.
11:41Tushy is buttocks, right?
11:43Right.
11:44Hilarious.
11:46Explain the couch.
11:48Well, there were some people on the first floor moving out, and they sold it to me for $100.
11:52Howard and Raj helped me bring it up.
11:53But what's wrong with the furniture we have?
11:56They're lawn chairs.
11:59And there was no place for company.
12:01Did it occur to you that was by design?
12:05According to the roommate agreement, I'm entitled to allocate 50% of the cubic footage of the common areas.
12:10But you didn't notify me by email, so this is still a breach.
12:14I did notify you.
12:16Oh, you did, did you?
12:33Oh, you're a rat.
12:37Hoisted by my own spam filter.
12:40Well, what am I doing in your spam folder?
12:42I put you there after you forwarded me a picture of a cat playing the piano entitled, This is Funny.
12:48Oh, yeah, I saw that.
12:49That was hilarious.
12:51Okay, what does all this have to do with the elevator?
12:54I'm getting to it.
12:55I assure you, you'll be sorry you wasted your money on an iPod when Microsoft comes out with theirs.
13:04Okay, do you have an opinion about everything?
13:06Yes.
13:09You just assume you're always right?
13:12It's not an assumption.
13:15Change seats with me.
13:17Why?
13:17I don't like this spot.
13:18I have to keep turning my head.
13:21Fine.
13:23Ooh, it's time for Babylon 5.
13:25We don't watch Babylon 5 in this apartment.
13:28Why not?
13:28Because no one likes Babylon 5.
13:31I like it.
13:32Me too.
13:32So do I.
13:33There you go.
13:34Three against one.
13:34They don't get a vote.
13:36It's one against one.
13:37And according to the roommate agreement, all ties will be settled by me.
13:42But I said no to that.
13:44And I said yes.
13:46And I settle all ties.
13:53Change seats with me.
13:54Why?
13:55There's a draft on my neck over here.
13:57So I get the draft?
13:58You're protected by your turtleneck.
14:02Fine.
14:04And it's a dickie.
14:15I'm still not comfortable.
14:19Of course.
14:20There's too many people here.
14:23We can fix that.
14:24Let's leave.
14:27Yeah, we can go over to my place.
14:29Wait.
14:30Let me get my jacket.
14:33You're not going with us.
14:35Why not?
14:35You're the guy we're trying to get away from.
14:39Well, in that case, I don't need my jacket.
14:44And for the record, the correct syntax is I'm the guy from whom you're trying to get away.
14:58Oh, yes.
15:03This is definitely going to be my spot.
15:07Okay.
15:07How do you know he said that?
15:08You left the room.
15:09Hey, do you want me to finish working on your man feet or not?
15:14Fine.
15:15Go ahead.
15:16Howard, are you having a play date?
15:20I don't have play dates.
15:22I have colleagues.
15:24Do their parents know they're here?
15:27No, but if you keep screaming, maybe they'll hear you.
15:36Is that your dad?
15:39If she grows any more hair on her face, yes.
15:44Oh, man, is that a two-stage rocket?
15:47Oh, three.
15:47I designed the engine myself.
15:50Cool.
15:50Can it break Mach 1?
15:52Probably.
15:53If I could get my hands on that new fuel the government's been working on.
15:57Oh, this just might be your lucky day.
15:59Howard, what happened?
16:00What happened to the Oreos I left on the counter?
16:05I haven't seen your Oreos.
16:08Just take your bath without them.
16:15So why was it his lucky day?
16:17Well, it turns out I had a little rocket fuel in the apartment.
16:20What were you doing with rocket fuel in your apartment?
16:22Joyce Kim was kind of curious about what I did for a living,
16:25and I was going to kind of show it to her.
16:30It's not important.
16:31The point is, the guys and I went back to the apartment.
16:33Are we ever going to get to the elevator?
16:34Yeah, we're really close.
16:36We're at the apartment.
16:37The trick is to mix it into Tovex in order to create a combustible gel
16:41that will generate over 8,000 kilonewtons of thrust.
16:44Cool.
16:45Won't work.
16:48Excuse me, but I've been working on this a long time.
16:50Trust me, it'll work.
16:52You don't see your mistake, do you?
16:54There's no mistake.
16:55This is for a full-scale rocket, not a model.
16:58Well, I've adjusted the formula.
17:00Not correctly.
17:02Okay, I've had it with you.
17:04You might be an expert on theoretical physics
17:06and science fiction programs
17:08and where to sit on a freaking couch,
17:09but this is applied physics.
17:12And when it comes to applied physics...
17:13Uh, uh-oh.
17:15What's happening?
17:16A bad thing.
17:17A very bad thing.
17:19Get the door.
17:20Get the door.
17:20Get the door.
17:21Get the door.
17:21Get the door.
17:22Get the door.
17:24Get the door.
17:33You're waiting for the elevator?
17:36Oh, right.
17:38Wait, it's here.
17:43Give me that.
17:48What'd you do that for?
17:49I had plenty of time.
17:56You're welcome.
18:00Not only did Sheldon save my life,
18:02he didn't rat me out to the landlord.
18:04Or the police.
18:05Or Homeland Security.
18:08Okay, so basically you're the reason
18:09I have to walk up and down
18:11three flights of stairs every day?
18:12So I did something stupid.
18:13I'm sure you did stupid things
18:15when you were younger.
18:15What were you doing seven years ago?
18:17Excuse me, I was in high school.
18:19I was studying, keeping my nose clean,
18:21doing volunteer work for the community.
18:26Not pregnant.
18:28Yes!
18:34Oh, Ubuntu.
18:36You are my favorite Linux-based operating system.
18:40Hey.
18:42Hello.
18:44Why do I smell methacrylate?
18:47Uh, uh, clear nail polish.
18:48I had a mani-pedi.
18:51Men can get those.
18:54Anyway, I may owe you an apology.
18:57There's doubt?
18:59I did agree to the thermostat setting,
19:01and I shouldn't have tried to change it.
19:03That's not an apology.
19:05That's simply an acknowledgement
19:06that I was right.
19:08Okay, I'm sorry.
19:09There you go.
19:11So we're good?
19:13Good what?
19:16Never mind.
19:17Okay, if I watch some TV?
19:19Go ahead.
19:21Up next, Babylon 5.
19:25You're not even watching.
19:27I can hear it.
19:28Oh, so the dialogue offends you?
19:30I would hardly call that dialogue.
19:32I'm insane, you know that?
19:34Don't make me turn that flag upside down,
19:36because you know I'll do it.
19:37I'll do it.
19:37Oh, no.
19:38No.
19:51No.
19:56Okay.
19:58Mm-hmm.
19:58Bye-bye.
19:58Bye.
19:59Bye-bye.
20:00Bye-bye.
20:05Bye-bye.
20:06Bye-bye.
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