- 23 hours ago
Rooster.S01E01
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TVTranscript
00:25This way.
00:56Oh, so sorry.
00:58I, sorry.
00:59I was, I was looking at that guy.
01:02What guy?
01:03He's not there.
01:04He was right.
01:05I don't know.
01:06What did he look like?
01:06He was wet.
01:07He was a wet guy?
01:09Mm-hmm.
01:11Professor Shepard said the wait here in front of Cabot Hall.
01:13Did she say how long to wait?
01:14Because I think we are supposed to start, ah, okay, we'll just stand here then.
01:21Nice mustache, jerk.
01:23I can hear you.
01:23Yeah, I know.
01:25I know.
01:26No, I didn't.
01:27I'm sorry.
01:28Mr. Russo?
01:28Yes.
01:29Greg, please.
01:30Professor Shepard.
01:31Dylan.
01:32Dylan.
01:32Right, right.
01:33Hey, hey.
01:34Thank you, Eric.
01:35Eric did a great job picking me up.
01:37He, he left.
01:39You ready to rock and roll?
01:40Nope.
01:42Oh, yuck.
01:43There I am.
01:44I don't love these readings.
01:45Yep, that's you.
01:45I don't.
01:46I get so self-conscious and I can't, I can't.
01:50Oh no, you can't read.
01:52Oh, if you come to a big word, just sound it up.
01:55I write books that you're supposed to read at the beach.
01:57Mm-hmm.
01:57They are light.
01:58They are fun.
01:59Characters that you like have sex.
02:01The ones that you don't get shot in the face.
02:03What?
02:03At a stuffy college like this.
02:04These kids are looking for fun.
02:06They're looking for depth.
02:06I teach a class about the poetry of Bad Bunny.
02:09You'll be fine.
02:10Okay?
02:10What's a Bad Bunny?
02:11Let's do this.
02:12Okay.
02:13Rooster didn't mean to shoot Eduardo in the face, but there it was.
02:18One perfect bullet hole right below his eye.
02:22That night, Rooster drifted to sleep in a beach chair.
02:26Luckily, the first thing he saw when he woke was Margo, smiling as she floated towards
02:31him in the shimmering morning heat.
02:42One still there.
02:43Okay.
02:44We have time for a few questions.
02:48Okay.
02:49Ronnie, go ahead.
02:51Mr. Russo, first, I want to thank you for coming and giving us your time.
02:54Oh, my pleasure.
02:55No, really.
02:56Oh, thank you.
02:56Appreciate it.
02:57What was your question?
02:58Why do you hate women?
03:00Wow.
03:01I don't...
03:02That's a fun way to start.
03:04Easy answer.
03:05I don't hate women.
03:07Mango was Rooster's favorite flavor besides Margo herself.
03:12So here you're comparing the taste of a woman's vagina to a popsicle.
03:15I did not know I was doing that.
03:18Well, you also say that she smelled like birthday cake.
03:22What was your thought process when you wrote that?
03:24I must have been hungry.
03:27Here's the thing.
03:28Um, I don't see Margo as a sex object.
03:33Yes, she and Rooster do have sex a few times.
03:3716 times.
03:38Okay, good.
03:39You counted.
03:39I mean, 17 if you include the oral sex.
03:42Have to include that.
03:44Right?
03:45Yeah, let's include it.
03:46For what it's worth, the character of Margo is based on a woman I used to be married to.
03:51So, yes, she is sexy and beautiful, but she is also smart and brave.
03:56Yeah, that feeds into my question.
03:58Uh, you know the part where Margo saves Rooster from the drug smugglers?
04:02Exactly.
04:02She's very brave in that moment.
04:03Well, especially since she took off her bikini and did it all topless.
04:08Yes.
04:09She had to make a tourniquet.
04:12What was your question?
04:14That was hot.
04:14Smoke show.
04:15All right.
04:16Great question.
04:17Anybody else?
04:19Marani, you've had your turn.
04:22Hey, Crystal.
04:23Is he back?
04:24He's here.
04:25He's very excited.
04:27Hi.
04:27My gosh.
04:28I mean, my gosh.
04:31Just...
04:32Outstanding.
04:33I'm not sure if you've officially met our president, Walter Mahan.
04:36I was already a fan, but absolutely loved the way you handled that, Ronnie.
04:41Well, I hope I didn't make her feel bad.
04:42Ah, who cares?
04:44Nobody makes these kids feel bad anymore.
04:46Let me tell you something.
04:47Life is hard.
04:49And we are teaching these kids exactly squat.
04:52Hmm.
04:53It's out of control.
04:54Am I right?
04:54Actually, I think it's refreshing that young people...
04:56Oh, thank you, Crystal.
04:57You're done.
04:58Off you go.
04:59Please tell Dean Riggs I will meet him at the gym.
05:02Fine.
05:02Thank you, uh, for tolerating me.
05:04We're not speaking.
05:06Bye, Greg.
05:07She seems nice.
05:08Uh, Crystal.
05:09Yes?
05:09There's no tea?
05:11There's a tea?
05:12There's a tea.
05:14Liberal arts colleges used to be safe havens for free thought, Greg.
05:18When did you and I become the bad guys?
05:20Amen.
05:21What?
05:22Populism's not very popular here.
05:24I mean, take Dylan.
05:25I love her, but it's no surprise that she hasn't read any of your books.
05:28What are you doing?
05:30It's okay.
05:31I actually haven't read any of your poetry, either.
05:34It's funny.
05:34In your email, you said you loved Dylan's poetry.
05:38I did.
05:39I do love them.
05:40Read all of them.
05:41I just didn't want to make her feel bad.
05:42Ah.
05:44Happy?
05:45You got us both.
05:47Unintentional.
05:47Just Walt me and Walt.
05:49Dylan, to be continued.
05:51Greg, you give me a ten count and then join me.
05:56Yes, he wants you to count to ten, and no, I don't know why.
05:58Okay.
06:00I'm gonna read your books.
06:01Oh, no.
06:02Don't worry about it.
06:03Nice meeting you, Greg.
06:04Nice you.
06:05Me also.
06:07Okay.
06:08What are you doing?
06:11Okay.
06:15Oh, boy.
06:16That's barely eight there, Greg.
06:18Do you need another ten or twenty count?
06:20Can I guess what you're thinking?
06:21I doubt it.
06:22Most college presidents are bookish shut-ins, but this guy is jacked.
06:26That's exactly what I was thinking.
06:29I would have also accepted.
06:31Wow.
06:32You know my secret?
06:33Hot sauna cold plunge.
06:34Every goddamn day, you get the same endorphins you get from cocaine only at last two hours
06:39instead of nine minutes plus.
06:40Come here.
06:41Let's go closer.
06:43It releases the brown fat.
06:46Well, you gotta release the brown fat.
06:47I knew you'd get it.
06:48I'm glad that you think that I do.
06:51Listen, I would be a bad dad if I didn't ask how Katie was doing, and I know that you
06:56probably have heard about her and Archie.
06:58You go to any campus in America, and no marriage between two faculty members has ever lasted
07:02more than a year and a half.
07:03I can't believe that is true.
07:05Well, it may not be factually true, but the spirit of it is.
07:08Mm-hmm.
07:08Now, what about you?
07:09You ever think about teaching?
07:11Oh, me?
07:12No.
07:13No.
07:14Not really.
07:14I didn't go to college.
07:16Who cares?
07:17It's overrated.
07:18Really?
07:18Okay.
07:19I'm still looking for my writer in residence.
07:21You say the word, gig's yours.
07:24No.
07:24Don't answer now.
07:25Come back and tell me a decision before you leave.
07:27I want you to go out and let this campus get its magic all over you.
07:31All over me?
07:32Yeah, baby.
07:33In the meantime, I'm gonna go to the gym and throw some metal around.
07:36You care to join?
07:36No, thanks.
07:37I'm gonna go see my kid.
07:38Ah, good dad.
07:39You tell that Katie that if it took a campus sex scandal to finally get her old man up here?
07:44Worth it.
07:45Probably not gonna tell her that.
07:48Okay.
07:49All right.
07:50Hey, Greg.
07:51Yes.
07:51Thrilled you're here.
07:52Good to see you.
08:06With his water lilies, Monet eschewed tradition and focused on the surface of the pond at his home in Giverny.
08:11Beautiful, right?
08:13Hard to believe, but actually, conservators restored that exact painting with Q-tips and spits.
08:22Ew.
08:23Okay, you can take that slightly disgusting tidbit and get out of here, but there is a paper due on
08:27Monday.
08:27But there's a K-party this weekend.
08:30What is a K-party?
08:31You don't wanna know.
08:32I don't wanna know.
08:33Okay, if you feel like you need extra time on your paper, that is my dad.
08:36Interacting with strangers makes him very uncomfortable, so if you want extra time, look him in the eye and tell
08:41him that you love him.
08:42Okay?
08:45No.
08:46Please don't do it.
08:47I love you very much.
08:49Okay.
08:51See you.
08:55Do you know what brown fat is?
08:56Dad, I love that you're here, but I don't need you to check up on me.
08:59I'm not checking up on you.
09:00They asked me to come and read.
09:02Oh, come on, Dad.
09:03You hate this place.
09:03They've asked you like a billion times.
09:05Just admit it.
09:06I don't wanna admit it because you will get mad.
09:11Everybody knows.
09:12Knows what?
09:13About Archie.
09:14Everybody knows.
09:15This place is like a fishbowl.
09:16He knows.
09:17He doesn't know.
09:18Hey, excuse me.
09:19You know that my husband left me to fuck a grad student, right?
09:23How?
09:25Answer honestly and I promise this moment is over for you.
09:28Yes.
09:30You're welcome.
09:31See?
09:32Okay.
09:33But you know the worst part is everybody keeps asking me what happened.
09:37I don't know what happened.
09:38We were normal and then the next thing I know he's with her and I'm packing up and moving into
09:43the dead hockey coach's house.
09:44How did the hockey coach die?
09:46I think he killed himself because his father was focusing on the wrong part of the story.
09:50I'm sorry.
09:51I'm back.
09:52It wasn't on the ice, was it?
09:53Dad!
09:53I'm sorry.
09:54Go ahead.
09:55I feel like everybody's looking at me all the time.
09:57They're not looking at you.
09:58He wasn't looking at you.
09:59Oh, yep.
09:59He just did.
10:00I'm losing my grip, Dad.
10:02I hate it.
10:02Honey, you're not losing your grip.
10:05You are strong.
10:07Whoa!
10:10Honey, why are we in the bushes?
10:11That's them over there.
10:14They eat their lunch here sometimes.
10:16So you're stalking them.
10:17Mmm.
10:18That's fine, hon.
10:20They never even kiss.
10:21And look at her.
10:22She's not like some model type.
10:23She's just like a normal girl.
10:25Oh, I just, it would make so much more sense to me if she was special in some way.
10:30Honey, maybe what makes her special is on the inside.
10:33You know who she is as a person.
10:35Are you fucking kidding me?
10:36I'm sorry.
10:37What are you doing?
10:38I'm in the bushes.
10:39I'm off my game.
10:40Look, hon.
10:42There's something that I...
10:44What?
10:45Just look at me.
10:46Just look at me right now.
10:47What?
10:47Focus on what I'm saying because I'm something important.
10:51No.
11:00Not many women get to be with their father while they watch their husband make out with someone.
11:04Yeah, we're pretty lucky.
11:08Why would you come here?
11:09I knew you'd be...
11:11Don't.
11:12Katie.
11:20No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
11:24I wasn't watching you.
11:26I was watching a couple behind you kissing.
11:30A straight couple.
11:30Dude.
11:31Not that that matters.
11:32It does...
11:33I was just clarifying.
11:35Yeah.
11:35You don't have to take out your phone.
11:36That's...
11:37I'm out of here.
11:39See you later.
11:51Hey, there's that guy.
11:53You kicked ass today.
11:55Big fan.
11:55I love those rooster books.
11:56I read them all.
11:57Oh, thank you.
11:59You're the, uh, the bikini kid.
12:01Oh, Tommy Newton.
12:05Oh, shit.
12:06I forgot my wallet.
12:07That's stupid.
12:08No, no, no.
12:09Give me that.
12:10I got you.
12:10Oh, sweet.
12:12Wait.
12:12I'm gonna get some chips too then.
12:14I'm just kidding.
12:15Very kind.
12:15Thanks.
12:16It's okay.
12:17I got you.
12:17Again, I really appreciate it.
12:18No problem.
12:19There you go.
12:20Sweet.
12:20Enjoy it.
12:21Bonjour, mes amis.
12:23Hello.
12:23I said hello in French because I am betting that you are from Paris where they let kids drink
12:29wine and babies smoke cigarettes, but here in America the legal drinking age is 21.
12:34You're not 21?
12:35You're not 21?
12:35Not yet.
12:36Okay.
12:37Officer, he said that he forgot his wallet.
12:41He offered to buy me beer.
12:42Are you kidding me?
12:44Kind of an age old story, isn't it?
12:45Kid gives you 20 bucks.
12:47You go inside and get him some beer.
12:48I don't need 20 bucks.
12:49Oh, okay.
12:50Money buckets.
12:51There's other reasons you might do it.
12:53What?
12:54For like a blowjob in the alley?
12:55What?
12:58No.
12:59I was thinking that you might do it because he seems like a good kid.
13:03Yes.
13:03Yes.
13:04Yes.
13:04That makes much more sense.
13:05But now I got this blowjob thing stuck in my head and either you're giving it to him
13:10or he's giving it to you.
13:12Nobody's giving anyone a blowjob officer.
13:13But either way, that's all I can see right now.
13:14No, no.
13:14It was just a stupid remark.
13:16No, no, no, no, no, no.
13:16Now, you don't just say something like that unless you're thinking it.
13:19Yeah, I agree.
13:20Yes.
13:20I disagree.
13:21I wholeheartedly disagree.
13:23Tommy Newton, come on.
13:27He didn't do anything.
13:28I tricked him.
13:30There you go.
13:31All right.
13:34Leave the beer and get out of here.
13:38Thanks for being a good kid.
13:41Even if it was just right at the end.
13:44I'm gonna go ahead and take these from you.
13:45Oh, okay.
13:46Stay out of the alleys.
13:53Okay.
13:55Looking from the window above
13:57Looks like a story I've loved
14:00Can you hear me?
14:03Came back only yesterday
14:06I'm moving farther
14:08Come on.
14:09Yes!
14:10Fuck it.
14:13All I needed was the love you gave
14:18All I needed for another day
14:21And all I ever knew
14:24Only you
14:34Hey kiddo.
14:35Sorry about before.
14:37Are you really gonna make me eat dinner by myself?
14:39Huh?
14:40Call me.
14:41Hey Margaret.
14:50Hey.
14:53Walking the dog.
14:56He...
14:57He only shits in this yard.
15:00So...
15:04Excuse me.
15:07How is your house Chardonnay?
15:08Tastes like shit.
15:10Great.
15:10I have one Chardonnay.
15:12Chardonnay.
15:13Oh, hi.
15:14What are you doing here?
15:15Get a real drink.
15:16Excuse me?
15:17You want to sit here by yourself.
15:18Fine.
15:19You want to join me
15:19But you need to get a little more self-destructive.
15:21Okay.
15:22Tequila Blanco Rocks Splash Lime.
15:25Alright.
15:26Yeah.
15:26Make that too.
15:27Sure.
15:28Can I at least get more nuts?
15:29Did you eat the hobo?
15:31We're good with the nuts.
15:33Listen, I don't see what the problem is.
15:35She's never even taught before.
15:38You pulled some strings.
15:39You got your friend a job.
15:40I think it's nice.
15:41What if she sucks
15:42And Walt fires her?
15:44Worst case scenario.
15:46Goes horribly.
15:47She blames you.
15:48Something breaks deep inside of her
15:50And she shoots you in the face.
15:51I will fuck you.
15:53You know, I pretended it was for her.
15:55She had just gotten a divorce.
15:57I said, oh, you need a change.
15:59But it wasn't for her.
16:00It was for me.
16:02I just feel so isolated.
16:06And look, I've been here for a minute.
16:07A few friends didn't get tenure and split.
16:10I've already dated everybody worth dating.
16:12And I said, I love you once.
16:15But I took it back.
16:16You can do that?
16:17You can.
16:18But they get really mad.
16:23You ever been completely surrounded by people?
16:26And still felt utterly alone?
16:29Yeah, for about 25 years.
16:31I was married.
16:33Right.
16:34Oh, yeah.
16:35To the school's most celebrated alone.
16:38Yes.
16:39Actually, you would love her.
16:41You'd love Elizabeth.
16:43When we were married, there were always so many people around.
16:46And when we split up, those same people were the ones that say that we never made sense together because
16:55she was so far out of my league.
16:58And for a long time, I felt they were right.
17:01How long?
17:06What is this all about?
17:09Your key is bent.
17:10Yeah, it's my house key.
17:11It doesn't always work.
17:12Quit changing the subject.
17:15Um, too long.
17:17I felt that way for too long.
17:21Want me to get us some more nuts?
17:23So badly.
17:25Excuse me.
17:25Can we get some more nuts?
17:26Would you like them warm?
17:28Warm nuts.
17:29They haven't even talked to each other.
17:32Archie is so gutless.
17:34He can't even look her in the eye and explain what happened.
17:38You know what I want to do?
17:39I want to go over there and just tell him to man the heck up.
17:42I think you got to go with man the fuck up.
17:45I love you.
17:47Hope you get an F.
17:48That's a long story.
17:50It doesn't matter.
17:51Because if I talked to him, Katie would kill me.
17:54No, she wouldn't.
17:55She'll love you for it.
17:56I don't think so.
17:57I mean, she wouldn't tell you she loves you for it.
18:00And then she'll probably say she's mad at you.
18:05You didn't have to walk me all the way home.
18:08Oh, well, I'm glad I did, though.
18:09That was fun.
18:11Did I?
18:12You want to come in?
18:14Mm-hmm.
18:15You want to come in?
18:17Um...
18:18Okay.
18:18In two weeks, my friend is going to be living right there.
18:21And I love her, but she is always all up in my business.
18:24So, probably no more fucking the guest speakers for me.
18:32Wow.
18:33I've never done this before.
18:35I'm just kidding.
18:36I know.
18:37No.
18:38No, you didn't.
18:39No, I didn't.
18:40Not.
18:41No.
18:41Wow.
18:42Do you know how old I am?
18:44It's your lucky day, Grandpa.
18:46Oh.
18:49Oh.
18:50Oh.
18:52Dylan, you are gorgeous and funny and so, so smart that I feel even dumber than usual.
19:01But today has just been a day.
19:03You can stop.
19:04No, no, no, no.
19:05I, I was just saying maybe we could just stand out here and talk for a little while.
19:09I really don't love talking to men who just rejected me.
19:11I didn't reject you!
19:13I just, I'm uncomfortable.
19:15And it's not you.
19:16It's me.
19:17I'm, that's who, that's what I am most of the time, always.
19:21So, maybe we could have a drink.
19:26Yeah?
19:27And kind of, kind of just see where it goes.
19:30Okay.
19:33Would you like to come in and have a drink?
19:37I probably shouldn't.
19:40What?
19:41Oh, crap.
19:42You just rejected me twice.
19:44Why would you do that?
19:45I don't know.
19:46I don't know why I do so many things.
19:48Good night.
19:49No.
19:49Wait, Dylan.
19:50Dylan, Dylan.
19:51Come on.
19:52Oh, the key.
19:54The curse of the bent key.
19:55Come on.
19:56You could try it a little less psychotically.
19:58Okay, please just go.
19:59No, no, no.
20:00I wouldn't be a gentleman unless I waited for you to...
20:02Oh.
20:06Okay.
20:12Good night.
20:21Hey, Buck.
20:22You sure you don't want me to drive you?
20:23No, no, no.
20:24I got it.
20:25Hey, how come you need to go to the dentist?
20:27Um, because I hurt my arm.
20:30That's a joke.
20:31Relax.
20:31I'll be back later.
20:33Okay.
20:33Big push for a big girl.
20:35Yeah.
20:35See ya.
20:36Eyes on the horizon.
20:37Got it.
20:39Hello, gov.
20:42Greg.
20:43I heard you're on campus.
20:44Come on.
20:51Just pop out on the coast for me, will ya?
20:57I understand that you're the first Russian studies professor to receive the Wallace Fellowship.
21:01You don't care about my fellowship?
21:02No.
21:03Nobody does.
21:04Well, yeah.
21:05My friends talk about it quite a lot, so...
21:07Name one.
21:08You don't know any of my friends.
21:09Well, just throw a name out.
21:10Kevin.
21:11I will bet you a million dollars that you can't tell me Kevin's last name.
21:16Listen, Greg, I know why you're here, alright?
21:19You love Chekhov, right?
21:21I was wrong.
21:22Uh, yeah, I like Chekhov a bit.
21:24Don't you have that stupid first edition Chekhov book that you're so proud of?
21:28Tolstoy.
21:29It's the first edition of War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy.
21:34Yes, I am rather proud of it.
21:35It's probably one of the finest literary creations any human being's ever made, so...
21:40Why did you cheat on my daughter?
21:41Sounds like you want to make love to that book.
21:42Okay.
21:43Could you just skip to the point, please, Greg?
21:45No, because I thought that you loved Chekhov and I spent the morning researching him in preparation for this conversation.
21:53For the love of God, then, pretend that I'm a fan of Chekhov.
21:55Okay.
21:55Listen, since you love Chekhov so much, you obviously know that he said,
22:00no one must be humiliated.
22:03I have been thinking about that a lot.
22:05How could you have been thinking about that a lot if you only just read it this morning?
22:08Are you a detective?
22:09Well...
22:10My God!
22:11Look, you need to man the fucking heck up.
22:17Katie has been humiliated and I think that you owe it to her.
22:20I love her.
22:24I do, I love her.
22:26Then what are you doing, man?
22:34I just, I got lost.
22:37We weren't getting along and we drifted a bit and I withdrew and then along came Sonny and the clouds...
22:45I'm cool not knowing anything about Sonny.
22:48Look, I am ready and willing to take the lion's share of the blame with what happened between me and
22:53Katie.
22:53You are a hero.
22:54And also your friend Kevin is not real.
22:58Katie and I both have things that we need to work on.
23:01And I want to do that work, Greg, because she is still the most important thing that's ever happened to
23:08me.
23:09And I think I've really cocked this up, haven't I?
23:12Yeah.
23:14And you cocked it up.
23:18Do you think she'll ever take me back?
23:20I wouldn't.
23:21But if you want to find out, you have to man the fuck up.
23:29You really nailed it that time.
23:30I don't need your approval.
23:31Okay.
23:32But...
23:39Bobby Orr.
23:41Native of Kitchener, Ontario.
23:43Who gives a shit?
23:44I cannot believe that you spoke to Archie.
23:46I was promised you'd eventually love me for it.
23:50He wants to see me tomorrow.
23:51He says that he thinks he's found a path back.
23:54Alright, that's a good thing, yeah?
23:55Why?
23:56Because he's stopped banging that girl so I'm supposed to run home and rip off all my clothes?
24:00I...
24:00I seriously doubt that that is his path back idea.
24:04I know you're mad.
24:05I have a question.
24:07Do you still love him?
24:13Shit.
24:15You know, I never really told you why your mom and I split up.
24:19She cheated on you.
24:21Oh good, you're in the loop.
24:23No.
24:24Uh...
24:25My biggest regret...
24:28Was that I didn't fight for her.
24:32If you love him, don't be a coward.
24:34Like I was.
24:36If I say that I will go and see him, will you please stop telling me to do things that
24:40I don't want to do?
24:42Promise.
24:44Also try to be kind.
24:46Jesus Christ.
24:47You're going to want to say some stuff that's really horrible to him and he deserves it.
24:51Yeah.
24:52There are certain things that you can't take back, honey.
24:54And I am speaking from experience.
24:58That's all.
24:59Go see him.
25:01Try to be kind.
25:02That's it.
25:03Okay.
25:03I'm going to head out.
25:05I love you.
25:06I will drop by tomorrow morning after I see Walt and say farewell.
25:11Dad, do you want to stay and hang?
25:17Always.
25:20Yes.
25:21I do.
25:23Okay.
25:26One, two, three.
25:28Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
25:53Has it been 15 minutes yet?
25:5590 seconds, Greg.
25:56Well, you're going to love the contrast with the cold plunge.
25:59I can't wait.
25:59I am happy to see things are turning the corner for Archie and Katie.
26:04Would have been a shame to have to let her go.
26:07Excuse me?
26:08Well, if this drama got out of hand, I had to pick one.
26:11He's got the tenure and the Wallace Fellowship.
26:14Nobody cares about that.
26:18Have you ever been married, Walt?
26:20I am married now.
26:21Wow.
26:23Oh.
26:23Jodi, she loves to travel.
26:24I don't.
26:25So, we do two months together, two months apart, and then we just repeat that the rest
26:29of the year.
26:30She'll be back in a few weeks.
26:32I can't wait.
26:34Sounds like you've solved marriage.
26:37I have, Greg.
26:38Mm-hmm.
26:38Yeah.
26:39You're lucky.
26:41When you get your heart broken, it's...
26:45It's...
26:46Ah.
26:46Whatever.
26:47Never mind.
26:48I mean, never mind.
26:50Number three.
26:51Hothouse is for real talk.
26:53You had that made up professionally?
26:56I made it.
26:56In Woodshop.
26:57Nice.
26:58Yep.
26:59Ah.
27:01When you get your heart broken, it feels like somebody shot you in the face.
27:07It doesn't matter if it's been five years.
27:11You just...
27:12You feel like you're never gonna bounce back, you know?
27:18Can't let that happen to Katie.
27:21Hmm.
27:23All right.
27:25Ah, Katie.
27:26Uh, I'm not gonna sit down, cause I don't know where you guys have had sex, so I'm gonna pace.
27:30Right, okay.
27:31That's actually something I'd like to say to you.
27:32I wanted to say that to...
27:33No, hold on.
27:33Listen, I really need to tell you something.
27:35Start off.
27:35No.
27:35No, no.
27:36If I can just go first and then...
27:38I'm trying really hard not to lose my shit here.
27:39And you're interrupting me is not helping.
27:41Please, sit down and shut up.
27:45Unfortunately, I was gonna say that you actually should start, but there's nothing that you could say that would help
27:50me understand how you could do this to me.
27:53And you didn't even try to explain yourself. Are you fucking serious?
27:56Trying to...
27:57Archie, that's when you get when those women on Dateline snap and poison their husbands.
28:01Because I have thought about killing you.
28:03And I know it's not smart to say out loud in case something weird happens and you do die.
28:07And then somebody else in the bar is like, well, I heard her talking about how she'd kill her husband,
28:11but we're not in a bar.
28:12So I feel pretty safe.
28:13I could so murder you.
28:14Good Lord.
28:17But my dad told me to be kind.
28:22I just don't know how to get there.
28:28I love you.
28:32And I think we can get through this.
28:40Okay.
28:44Now you talk.
28:53Uh...
28:54It doesn't matter what you say.
28:55Just say something.
28:58Sh...
28:59She didn't go to the dentist.
29:01Okay, it matters a little.
29:02It can't just be gibberish.
29:03Sunny said that she was going to the dentist, but she went to the doctors.
29:07Well, dentists are doctors.
29:12She's pregnant.
29:15This is what I was trying...
29:17I just found out.
29:18I love you, Katie.
29:21I was going to beg for you to take me back.
29:23I have this speech where I explain everything, but I don't make any excuses.
29:26It's really good.
29:27I can still say it.
29:27Get out.
29:29Okay.
29:31This is my house.
29:33Please get out.
29:33Please get out.
29:42I really do love you, Katie.
29:44Fuck you.
29:45Do you know how long you're going to be?
29:47Get out.
29:54Are you loving the contrast?
29:56No!
29:56You're activating the brown fat.
29:58Brown fat is not real.
29:59You don't mean that.
30:01I do.
30:01Now we're going to finish by you going under for five.
30:13I don't like it.
30:14I don't like it.
30:16I take one, one, one because you left me.
30:19And two, two, two for my family.
30:22And three, three, three for my heartache.
30:24And four, four, four for my headaches.
30:27And five, five, five for my lonely.
30:30And six, six, six for my sorrow.
30:33And seven, seven, no, no, no tomorrow.
30:36And eight, eight, I forget what eight was for.
30:38But nine, nine, nine, but we lost God.
30:41And ten, ten, ten, ten.
30:44For everything, everything, everything, everything.
30:47While you can all just kiss off into the air.
30:50Behind my back, I can see there's still.
30:52They hurt me bad, but I won't mind.
30:55They hurt me bad.
30:57And do it all the time.
30:58Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, do it all the time.
31:01Oh my God!
31:03And do it all the time, do it all the time, do it all the time, do it all the
31:05time, do it all the time.
31:06Do it all the time.
31:10Hey, Beth.
31:11I know you said that I didn't need to go see Katie, but I did.
31:15And I'm glad that I did.
31:17And I am so, so cold.
31:21Call me when you can.
31:23Bye.
31:29oh my gosh
31:33why would you make me talk to him hey folks oh no this guy i was with you all morning
31:39wait what ma'am blowjob guy hey you guys wouldn't happen to know what's going on here with this fire
31:46would you no she was with me all morning no i wasn't huh seriously okay so immediately
31:56conflicting stories why don't you both stay here i'm gonna go grab my pen do not leave
32:05where's my pen who's got my pen
32:10shoot
32:10i laugh at me i'm crying trying falling sometimes sometimes flying cry me an ocean of one-liners
32:22cruel cruel cruel
32:25i stick sandstones you know the rhyme you know it landed hard this time
32:34look who tried too hard to play it cool
32:41we laugh and move on with our lives i'm bootstrap pained but never mind i'll find a way
32:51to rewrite our beginnings
32:54oh i oh i oh i oh i oh i oh i oh i oh i oh i i played
33:11the fool
33:13oh i oh i oh i oh i oh i oh i oh i oh i oh i oh i
33:22oh i oh i oh i oh i oh i oh i oh
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