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00:05how much arse tattoos hello this is Joe and I'm doing the voiceover for this program about going
00:12on holiday on the cheek because like any normal person I love a sweet-ass bargain it's free to
00:18get in 10% off bargain so with my friend Catherine Ryan who loves the shinier things in life we
00:26had
00:26taken the train to Paris just for dinner and back I'm going to show you and her how you can
00:33have a
00:33top holiday for rock-bottom prices are we allowed to be here are you squatting I'm leaving very few
00:39stones unturned in my hunt to find a holiday day I know it's quite a long journey it was like
00:43three
00:43hours but I've got 10% off and at one point I take my top off but I assume there'll
00:48be some sort of
00:49trigger warning cool I am not blessed I prefer dick thanks
01:09after several bargain trips away with me this week I feel the need to pamper my pregnant pal Catherine
01:15with a relaxing wellness break in Montenegro because I've heard through her agent she's at
01:21her wit's end with me so with Montenegro being the land of majestic mountains devastatingly beautiful
01:28landscapes historical old towns and breathtaking beaches this is the ideal place to relax and
01:38rejuvenate but unfortunately for Catherine I'm coming with and best of all we get plenty of bang for
01:45our buck as it even beats neighboring Croatia for value for money cool kick a country when they're down
01:51our first stop is the picturesque old city of Catorre nestled in the mountainous cleavage of Montenegro
01:58and tickled by the Adriatic Sea the Bay of Catorre is one of the most beautiful bays in the world
02:03and the perfect place for two hotties to mooch about I can't believe I said cleavage without giggling
02:10fair play welcome to Catorre it's hot it's hot fact number one about Catorre fact number two in my
02:19opinion it's the wellness capital of the universe that's not wow that's not a fact I'll stick to the
02:26far there are one thousand three hundred fifty steps to the San Giovanni Fortress that's too many
02:32do you want another fact about the San Giovanni Fortress that I don't have to climb up there
02:35correct yeah within the walls of this small town this small puny town it's a town Catorre's a town
02:42not just I call it a town a borough a what a borough a borough like an area oh an
02:50area a borough
02:50well it's borough like not like a rabbit's borough but like a borough is how we would say that
02:57struggling to look at you I'm from a different country that's why you don't mock any of these
03:03people for their accent can you say one more time for me a borough
03:10within these walls there are two orthodox churches six catholic churches and a franciscan monastery
03:20and loads and loads of burnt tourists yeah I don't know what it is about British people
03:26we think we can be hot we can you can I can totally see why this is a magnet for
03:34bright red tourists
03:35not only is it just 10 minutes and taxi from nearby Tivat Airport this ancient city is the
03:41UNESCO World Heritage Site dating back to the ancient Romans it has a maze of old streets filled with shops
03:49shops and something else cats there's a couple there's two more there's another one there's
03:58another one no one bigger one no one um can't hold hands can we thank you as it's a wellness
04:11break
04:11yeah and as I'm quite draining and hard to be around I thought I'd give you the afternoon off
04:18the afternoon off for me it's like they go shopping
04:21no no no I've already organized something okay I'm gonna have a little potter find some picky bits
04:27and uh you're gonna go in the cat museum it's a museum of cats here cat museum yeah I'm allergic
04:34and it's only a euro see you later
04:40there's nothing to learn about cats snakes with fur I've got one
04:45now if I know Catherine like I think I know Catherine she's gonna love this apparently looking at cats or
04:52even videos of cats can boost energy and positive emotions that might be a load of old horse shit
04:58but what boosts my positive emotions is the fact it only cost a euro to get in and I didn't
05:04even pay
05:04that I distracted the chap and Catherine just slid in past so this is a cat museum I can't believe
05:12it's
05:12it's only a euro to look at cats this is cool didn't know he had a cat who's that Shia
05:23LaBeouf
05:25if you loved cats which I prefer dig thanks then you'd be in an absolute paradise here
05:35oh Joe's really missing out am I bugger Catherine I've decided to discover what other cheap activities
05:43couture has to offer including motorboating also with average highs of 30 degrees in summer
05:49it's nice to feel the cool sea breeze blowing through my shoulder length mousy brown hair
05:53and no Catherine motorboating is not shoving your face between a man's
05:57simply enjoying a boat
06:00maybe we work for the cats maybe we've been working for the cats all along which is why I hate
06:05cats because I have a problem with authority I definitely work for my cat this cat has a
06:10crown and scepter oh my god cats used to rule this world that's what I'm learning here
06:16it's not apes like the film it's cats like the play the sun improves your vitamin d levels and makes
06:24you feel good and sea air helps improve asthma allergies and even depression I'm asthmatic but
06:30I really don't want to change that I think it's one of my more endearing features it takes away all
06:35the stresses and strains of avoiding paying your council tax what's even better for you is a bargain
06:42as activities like this start at just 10 euros this is a whole cat world sexy cats royal cats so
06:51how
06:51did we defeat the cats then maybe we didn't defeat the cats okay the cats were leaders and then they
06:58said oh let's pretend that we can't talk and we'll be domesticated and then we don't have to make any
07:03decisions but the way they act you can tell that they come from money
07:10there's not one person on this beach without a terrific robin there's a man over there with his bollocks
07:16out I cannot stop looking a magnet for my eyes
07:25see this is when cats started transitioning into being adorable we need to appeal to elderly
07:32women and single people and married gay men that's our core demographics and then we can be invited
07:39into homes and we never have to lead again in our lives and we don't have to pose topless with
07:43all of
07:44our 10 teats out
07:50i hope no one likes but i'm gonna urinate oh oh that felt good
08:06i just died through my urine that's a shame no idea if swimming in your own piss is good
08:13for your chakra but i'll tell you one thing i haven't got an earache for the first time in years
08:20i know the truth now that we're ruled by cats cats had enough domesticated themselves
08:27i need to tell joe what i've learned here today but i'm going to start him off slow with
08:32this body image this is going to be what joe's into i've seen his search history
08:38it's going to be right up joe's street oh yes where the hell is he
08:47the bay of couture is buzzing with activities and they're all easy to book
08:51there are tons of boat companies providing group tours of the bay and montenegro submarine and
08:57speedboat tours offer the cheapest kayaks can be booked through couture bay tours and scooters are a
09:04cheap and funky alternative to hiring a car and perfect for exploring the bay of couture and it's way
09:09more fun than wandering around on your boring old feet joe oh well i might as well have a look
09:16around
09:21oh a cat hello cat what do you think of that
09:27not into it all right have you seen my friend joe have you seen this man he's my friend and
09:36i can't
09:37find him today no okay well i gotta go find him thank you so much for the delicious ice cream
09:42have a great day thank you goodbye bye
09:51joe
09:51well might as well get another ice cream
09:59i've got one question how do we get up we climb yes we've had to climb
10:08in the spirit of wellness i was forced by channel four to try and conquer my fear of heights by
10:13doing
10:14something called a via ferrata why are these things are going to make my ass look weird this
10:20is a safer alternative to traditional rock climbing as you're always attached to an iron rope
10:26did i just show a bit of ass crack oh
10:29you can see it's close bench is close
10:33only 15 meters but it's 15 meters upwards
10:39this 200 meter via ferrata takes you up mount st john okay
10:45and you'll not only get breathtaking views of the old fortress the city and the bay
10:50you'll also get a full body workout which i don't really need because i'm fit as f
10:55this 90 minute course costs 50 euros and is run by montagna travel and all the instructors are stunning
11:06oh this is all because i'm being paid exorbitant amount of money
11:34this shelf look bigger when i was down there this shelf is tiny i mean tiny you can just take
11:47a look
11:47it's hard it's hard yes but but you have camera you can you can watch it later yes that's true
11:53we've got a lot more not more not more okay
11:56a wind lowy a wind lowy a wind lowy my panic's on sometimes comes out under stress
12:04whilst i leave you on this very literal cliffhanger here's a top travel tip
12:09when traveling try tying colorful ribbons on your luggage it will make your baggage much easier to spot
12:15and it's much cheaper than fancy luggage tags or just remember the color of your suitcase
12:31we've kicked off our girly wellness break in the montenegrin city of couture
12:35and so far we've marveled at the natural splendors the man over there with his bollocks out
12:41i cannot stop looking and been enlightened slash slightly bored at the cat museum
12:48cats used to rule this world that's what i'm learning here it's not apes like the film it's cats
12:54like the play and i'm halfway through an unsuccessful attempt to conquer my fear of heights
12:59by doing avia for articles and i just came out in hives
13:04we're going a lot more not more not more okay no we're going higher
13:10no no i'm panicked panicked okay so good i'm going to send quite a stern letter to channel four
13:40okay if you want take water or something no no no no okay no of course i don't know
13:47never ever want to remember this it's amazing what panic will do to a man's strength
13:56i can't usually lift a milk bottle
14:08congrats man are we here yes oh thank you we've done it i want more money
14:19i want channel four on the phone now look at that view
14:31after a quick gander of the view over couture bay and a quick call to my agent she didn't pick
14:36up
14:36i've decided to do something a little more sedate for our next activity
14:42i wonder how katherine's getting on
14:52joe hi here you are here you are well i mean what are you doing fishing
14:58i'm not fishing what are you doing with fishing rod if you're not fishing oh i am fishing i completely
15:05forgot well joe i've been learning a lot at the cat museum you won't believe this cats were our
15:11rulers huh we've been sold a lie oh i'll tell you about it later but please can we get out
15:17of the
15:17sun i've been looking everywhere for you all right well we'll gather sun after we've had an art class in
15:21the sun more sun all right my art is going to be very angry well luckily for katherine art classes
15:30are
15:30a great way of dealing with negativity and they've even been prescribed by the nhs for stress and anxiety
15:38i've arranged a 90-minute class that costs 34 pounds per person that includes equipment and tuition
15:45and the only thing that can make this more relaxing is if the tutor has a ponytail
15:49welcome to art class really pretty we're going to be doing a beautiful watercolour painting of the
15:56bay of couture and artist nadelco is going to be helping us hi hi i'm nadelco first yeah
16:02horizon and horizon by us i mean katherine when i say helping i mean doing it for her
16:11oh thank you okay oh i've fucked up somehow you have actually that's about you have no this is a
16:18horizon of sea boats uh on the sea my boat's in the sky it's a race to my boat look
16:26i'm glad you
16:27turned it off because that's absolute okay oh my god why are you so bad at this that's the sea
16:34there
16:34where does where the boat i don't know i'm not allowed i'm so angry with you okay okay
16:45okay okay okay it's very good you like that very good yeah art subjective thing am i better than her
16:51it's not okay yeah i'd say okay oh no oh it's oh now you're in trouble no no it's back
16:58to you
16:58what did i do now get the eraser out oh my god yes yes
17:07how do you say how do you say how do you say creative license more more boats you know what
17:15don't lash out catherine do not lash out you're better than that it's not fair he's telling me how
17:21i have to do the boat he's saying it has to be something like a boat okay rob something out
17:27rob
17:27somewhere yeah yeah yeah we started uh with the with the sky ah lovely yeah nice
17:40jeff and you're sounding sarcastic you know what i am showing a restraint that i've never
17:44shown before in my life right now and you would not believe it you can start with the mountains
17:50should i do the mountains because you've been promoted to mountains yeah yeah don't worry you've got
17:55other strengths what are they off the top of my head i have none do you know what that's so
18:01true
18:01very good thank you
18:06i've completely lost count of how many very goods i've had much water much water okay
18:11is this the most you've ever been told off as an adult normally it would turn me on i won't
18:16lie
18:16catherine you're looking good it's the childlike thing you've got going on are you having a good time
18:22painting yeah you are such a talented painter thank you it's really cool thank you
18:29she just swept mine's good and you look oh my gosh do you mind just for one minute do you
18:37mind
18:37sitting here okay can you sit here for a minute i'm just going to go get a drink because i'm
18:41no no
18:41that's cheating so stupid no i'll be right back there you go yep just sit here for one minute oh
18:46that's
18:46really good thank you lots of water yep i'll be right back joe i'll be right back
18:57i know what she's done i'm no fool
19:04oh that finishes it oh yeah for years i thought i was
19:09shit at this but you brought something out of me
19:15i have the same feeling i have when i first saw sunita
19:22pride i give you a heart
19:25thank you although i could stay like this forever my eczema is really drying up nicely
19:31it's time to find catherine and leave couture to continue our search for wellness
19:35and more importantly the cheap place to stay
19:42our accommodation is one hour 15 minutes away by car in an area called ver pazar
19:47a small town on the jaw-dropping beautiful lake skadar
19:52this is one of montenegro's jewels and the largest lake in southern europe
19:57it's a natural paradise and home to 270 types of birds including pelicans and a couple of other
20:04tasty little birds like that you know i mean us emma this is catherine catherine this is emma she's
20:12taking us to our lodgings well i appreciate you hosting us at your villa yes thank you for having
20:18us you're very very welcome we're doing a wellness week because last time i was rubbing your shoulders
20:24they were all knots yeah yeah i can buy storm time behind you and you were so tense i will
20:29say joe this
20:30has been a tense experience i'm trying to learn about bargains the best i can well you're gonna love
20:35this basically we're gonna do all the that hippies do yeah yeah it's gonna be odd
20:48oh it's a long drop oh okay so here we go welcome to villa miele thank you and lake skadar
20:57national
20:57park thank you spell for everyone's use so if you just walk straight in villa miele could be booked
21:05for just 62 pounds per night for room only but their speciality is guided activity packages which start
21:13at 100 pounds per person per night including activities transfers and food this boutique hillside
21:21retreat has everything us wellness loving glasses could ever want free bike hire an expansive terrace
21:29swimming pool a yoga deck hopefully that'll be closed for pristine bedrooms and self-catered facilities
21:36us lasses love self-catered facilities so what do you think i think it's cool very stony
21:46it is oh feel the quality of that mm-hmm yeah that's not coming up is that what you have
21:52to do
21:52when you go into a villa yeah yeah touch the floor it's all about the floor and they have dvds
21:57which is
21:58a throwback let's have a little look what they've got oh my god it's all pornography shaving ryan's
22:05private um do you want to see the bedroom god i've never said that before to a woman i've said
22:11would you like to see my toby jug collection so that is in the garage oh come on let's see
22:19the
22:19bedroom you don't mind sharing do so the thorny issue of which bed you want oh do you have a
22:27side
22:27uh yes it is this side all right i like because i like to have options of which side to
22:34fall out
22:34ah are you relaxed yeah look look at this vintage look now this believe it or not
22:48will eventually stop you really know how to entertain a lady in your bedroom joe i know there
22:55it goes slowing down slowing down down nearly almost there nearly there you know the neighboring
23:05bedrooms will think we're having really boring sex nearly and no wait not quite finished hold on
23:16sorry nearly there and that one's got a dent in it nearly having made ourselves at home and burnt out
23:30the motor in the bedroom fan that is not a euphemism we burnt out the motor in the bedroom fan
23:35it's time
23:36to head out for dinner we meander into the beautiful fishing village of verpasar to a floating restaurant
23:42well it's the boat really called the silestria here you can sample famous montenegro and dishes
23:47starting at three euros quark it in do you know montenegro made me scared because it gets hot
23:55and you know i'm not about that life joe but now it's cool smells beautiful and we have food and
24:02these
24:02are like farm fresh potatoes you know they grow everything themselves in the mountains have you been
24:06getting cold with my no because i sell the tape a loose hair over this so i know if anyone's
24:13how do
24:14you feel like i've been doing adjusting to the bargains i feel so proud of you right now because
24:20yeah you've lashed out only off camera only off camera you've hit me i love that good thank you and
24:30you storm off so rarely now so well done this is the whole point of this week to get you
24:37to stop
24:38lushing out of me when was the last time you broke wind not very often i don't need a lot
24:46of wild
24:46stuff by the end of this week you'll not be able to stop it you're gonna be that relaxed great
24:51we're
24:52gonna be like two peas in a pod when's the last time you broke wind joe about two chips ago
25:00i didn't
25:01even notice exactly that's because you're not stressed is that why we keep being outside yeah
25:06because otherwise the paint will peel off while we continue to pollute the montenegro and air which
25:14is our prerogative is our holiday here's a travel tip for you don't pay for backage when you fly
25:21instead wear all your clothes at the same time talk about run out of ideas jesus wet
25:41we're halfway through our montenegrin wellness break so far we've conquered couture
25:46we've done it i want more money and nurtured our creative lusts you've got other strengths
25:53where are they off the top of my head i have none do you know what that's so true
26:05i've woken up early at our blissful hillside retreat near the utopia that is lake skadar
26:11and to kick off our day i'm plunging us teats first into a wellness activity that sadly wasn't
26:17closed i've arranged something called gong yoga it's supposed to unwind our minds reduce stress
26:24and soothe our bodies i don't know what any of that means but you get to lie down and it
26:29only cost 11
26:29euros first of all it would be great if you have an intention for today's session like why did you
26:38came today when i had nothing i felt very connected to gratitude and then all these wonderful things
26:44started coming into my life and now i'm quite spoiled and i complain about the places that joe
26:51brings me and i don't want to be like that i need more gratitude that's lovely that's truly um
26:56um i'd i'd like to hate tony denton less we fell out because uh he owes me about 15 quid
27:05so you're looking to let i'd like to forgive tony denton that's beautiful thank you forgiveness
27:10letting go do you have any questions maybe before we start loads but are any of them about yoga or
27:17sound paths no no so maybe okay good so we can just um start by just closing our eyes for
27:26a little
27:27while
27:30and taking a deeper breath
27:34just as you exhale relaxing a bit your body just relaxing your facial muscles my facial muscles
27:43have all been medically relaxed anything that you might come with tony tinted with the next exhale
27:53bring our head forward chin to chest
27:59and as we inhale we will bring our head backwards slowly
28:07seeing if you can breathe a little bit deeper and imagine that the air goes all the way down to
28:13the base of the pubic bone inhale right so you can support your right hand with your left one and
28:21we
28:21will do alternate nostril breathing and slowly close your eyes and inhale left
28:32close hold
28:38and exhale right
28:45so you can lay down on your back or on the side whichever feels more comfortable
28:51joe you can perhaps take the pillow and put it under your head cracking idea these are quite
28:56you're really tall yeah yeah maybe if you move down focusing on your body on your body feelings
29:06coming relaxing your feet
29:11and relaxing your entire body
29:22your whole body is relaxed
29:43well that was weird well fair play to her though she knows how to whack stuff anyway on to our
29:49next
29:49next activity hopefully it'll be a little bit quieter
29:54we're heading into the countryside to an area called satin yay this is a foodie paradise famous for
30:01producing some of the best smoked meat cheese honey and brandy in montenegro
30:13we're coming here to do a farm to fork experience which i hope will help us be more grounded
30:18and connected to nature today is all about inhaling the good and exhaling the bad annoying myself again
30:25pack it in
30:27breathe that in katherine breathe in that's farm shit well it's amazing that you've brought me here
30:34yeah mountain for two hours soak it all in because we are going to be farmers do you know what
30:41they are
30:41yes i do because we have them where i live in england those are pigs these are chickens
30:47that's the spirit what we're going to do we're doing a thing called farm to face
30:52you farm stuff and then you eat it and you you know okay well i do like that these animals
30:57have
30:57a nice free-range life yeah that's good to see
31:06right the farm is in the middle of an area called honestly am i going to get this out mate
31:15sorry it's just they've got no respect okay happy thank you okay so we're in the middle of an area
31:25called nowhere which is a porky paradise ah right forget it come on they'll tell us
31:35actually i'm going to tell you we've come to visit the vujic family farm where we'll get to be farmers
31:41for the day in exchange for a delicious home-cooked meal this experience cost me just 10 euros each
31:47that includes the time on the farm and a generous spread of montenegrin cuisine and if you decide you
31:54love the host so much you can't leave you can stay the night for just 25 euros per person our
32:00hosts
32:00were lovely but after our day together they suggested we stay elsewhere katherine really
32:05isn't a people person hello hi hi you must be reka and daniel dobrodošli oh yes this is katherine
32:13dobrodošli dobrodošli dobrodošli naše malo mjesto yes naše selo did i just copied him and i
32:21didn't really know what it meant i've hoped it was a greeting oh uzme tevi da jedete pa lako
32:27dobrodova indo naše malo
32:41danja my daughter danija speaking english very well danija come hello
32:50Hi, Dania, so you have bees?
32:52Yes, we have bees, we make our honey.
32:55Wow, you make everything.
32:56And can we be farmers for the day?
32:59Sure, we will.
33:00Because Catherine wants to be a farmer, because you're stressed, aren't you?
33:04I want to reconnect with the land.
33:07We will be really happy to give you everything to work, you know.
33:10To come work.
33:11So we can rest a little bit.
33:12But, Dania, who did your eyebrows around here?
33:14I did it myself, actually.
33:16Wow, they do everything themselves.
33:18Very self-conscious.
33:19Honey, eyebrows.
33:20Eggs.
33:21Eggs, eggs.
33:23I mean, we have chickens for them.
33:25Ah, to change, because that would have made great telly.
33:30Having ingratiated ourselves in the only way Catherine knows how,
33:34by shoving warm balls in our mouths, it's time to get to work.
33:38We have the garden here, that you can see.
33:42Wow.
33:42We have a lot of animals.
33:44We have pigs, chickens.
33:46We have some sheep.
33:47We have one cow.
33:48Actually, it's a male.
33:49We have one bull.
33:50Can Joe milk the bull?
33:53No.
33:54Your farm.
33:54Your farm, your rules.
33:55Up to you.
33:56We don't usually milk the bull, but...
33:58I think you should milk the bull.
34:00I'm here, but...
34:01Yeah.
34:01It's your farm.
34:04So we need vegetables.
34:05Anything you like, just pick it up.
34:07Okay.
34:08We will need some water from over there.
34:11A well.
34:12Yeah, yeah.
34:13We'll do the work.
34:14Bye-bye.
34:15Look at us, Joe.
34:16This is so hipster chic.
34:18I know.
34:18We're Jack and Jill in it.
34:19Over to the well.
34:20My basket's really heavy.
34:21Yeah.
34:22That's very high fashion, Joe.
34:23Is it?
34:24To pose like.
34:25So you'd be really good on Instagram.
34:28Deconstructed.
34:31I'm a farmer.
34:38This is the well, Joe.
34:40This is everything to me.
34:41This is exactly how I imagined getting water in my later years.
34:47I'm doing it.
34:50Rico.
34:51Love me.
34:56Look at that.
34:57There you go.
34:58Good job.
34:58Okay, now I'll do my work.
35:00Whoa, whoa, whoa.
35:00No!
35:01So we have to make sure, number one, we can't fall in the well.
35:04That's key.
35:08Water.
35:08Makes me want to have a whiz.
35:10They didn't tell us what they needed the water for.
35:12Are we running them a bath?
35:13I don't know.
35:14I don't know.
35:15If Rico said, run them a bath, would you run him a bath?
35:18I'd say.
35:18I'd watch him have a bath.
35:19How about a golden shower?
35:21Would you piddle on him?
35:21For sure.
35:22For money or for free?
35:24Never for free.
35:25Okay.
35:26Don't worry, Joe.
35:26I must remember that, because I've been caught out like that.
35:29So many times.
35:30Give me it.
35:31Give me it.
35:31Because I want him to see you.
35:32Okay, okay.
35:33Oh!
35:34I did all that, Rico.
35:36Wow, Joe.
35:37I can't believe you got so much water.
35:38Oh, I did it.
35:39I did it.
35:39Now we get to pick some vegetables.
35:41Oh, yeah.
35:42Don't just pick it.
35:43Ask Rico.
35:43They said pick it.
35:44No, they said just pick whatever you want to eat.
35:47He would...
35:47No, he didn't.
35:48Don't pick it.
35:49Yes.
35:50I can't watch you do this.
35:52It's just like vandalism.
35:53Joe, this is what they want us to do.
35:55What do you think you're supposed to leave it here to rot?
35:58Look, look, look.
36:03God, that's a good feeling.
36:04Honestly, it looks like a little pubeless ball sack.
36:11It smells completely different.
36:14I've smelled a few like that.
36:15Have you?
36:16Yep.
36:17I've smelled worse.
36:21Katherine, the ducks have got out.
36:23They're going to think that's us.
36:25Grab one, then.
36:27Katherine, I'm going to circle round.
36:29All right.
36:36God, you're quick, aren't you, boy?
36:38Oh, look, look, look.
36:39They're going through.
36:39Yeah, go on.
36:40Oh, there you go.
36:41Oh, my God.
36:42No one's stuck in the fence.
36:47I'm trying to help.
36:51Oh, this has backfired.
36:54Oh, God, it's you.
36:55It's you.
36:56Look.
36:57OK.
36:58We've got to just make the fence bigger so this duck can get out.
37:02Jesus Christ, Joe.
37:03Oh, God.
37:05Hold me.
37:06Hold me.
37:07No, you.
37:08Nothing's happened to you.
37:11I don't think this is a lie for me.
37:14I'm meant to be de-stressing.
37:16Well, this just stopped being a bargain,
37:17because they're going to charge you extra for that.
37:19Congratulations.
37:22God, Joe.
37:24That duck is fine.
37:25Why not, though?
37:26So whilst I have a lie down to recover,
37:28here's a travel tip.
37:31A great way to in a peace is to not pay for your hotel minibar.
37:35Instead, go into the nearest supermarket
37:37and load up on your favourite drinks and snacks.
37:41Replace the minibar items
37:42and then leave as quick as you can before they check.
37:55It's the final day of our wellness break to Montenegro
37:58with my spiritual guru, Catherine Ryan.
38:01And together, we've been trying to get all zen and that.
38:04Imagine that the air goes all the way down to the base of the pubic bone.
38:08Inhale, right.
38:11And connect with nature at a farm-to-folk experience up in the hills an hour from Catorre.
38:17You know, I'm stuck in the fence!
38:19Oh, God, that was...
38:21Help me, help me.
38:23Unfortunately, our next job involves collecting eggs.
38:29I'm not outdoorsy, it turns out.
38:31I'm precious, Carl.
38:34You seemed nervous about the chickens.
38:38And now you're so brave that we're going to go in and get some of the rags.
38:41Where do you keep your eggs?
38:45Not you, not you!
38:48Oh, yeah, Joe, I found the eggs. They're in here.
38:51Oh.
38:53Uh, Catherine, look.
38:54There's a load here.
38:56More eggs!
38:56One of them's laid a GoPro, look.
38:58Great.
38:59What about one egg?
39:01Yep.
39:01And one GoPro.
39:03Oh, Joe.
39:06You're ruining the mystique.
39:09Look.
39:10It's a GoPro, guys, look.
39:12I found a GoPro.
39:15Put it right...
39:17Sleepy, sleepy GoPro.
39:20Well, these chickens, they're great.
39:22They have a great life.
39:23They do.
39:23And they're bang up with technology.
39:26With all our jobs semi-successfully ticked off, it's time to stuff our faces.
39:31For dinner, we'll be treated to a three-course meal and everything is made from produce grown directly on the
39:37farm.
39:38And that is all included for 10 euros each. Amazing.
39:42I wonder what handsome Ryker has rustled up for us.
39:45It's so quiet.
39:46I think that's what draws me in.
39:48Cheers.
39:49This is local cherry juice.
39:51Made from...
39:53Cherries?
39:54Oh.
39:55That's beautiful.
39:56I think there's only one way to commemorate this.
39:58A field mousie.
40:00Yeah, a field mousie.
40:01Shall we?
40:02If you don't know what a mouse is, I don't know how many times I have to say this.
40:05A mousie is a photo taken from the angle of a mouse.
40:08It's my invention and it's brilliant.
40:11That's a great mousie.
40:12Joe, that's beautiful.
40:15I'm going to try this bread because she made it.
40:17It's homemade.
40:17And look how like...
40:18Shall I have the rest of it?
40:18It's a cake, I think.
40:20Oh my gosh, the soup's warm too, not cold.
40:25Wow.
40:26Really good.
40:27Look, this is better than Heinz, right?
40:30Look at me again.
40:32It's amazing.
40:34Wow.
40:35Oh my God.
40:37What's I love doing?
40:38Do you have the onions?
40:39Oh, yes.
40:40Are you finished?
40:41Oh, thanks.
40:41We have to give you the soup.
40:43I love the soup.
40:44No, everything.
40:45Just this.
40:47I'm absolutely heartbroken.
40:49Nothing.
40:50Bye bye soup.
40:55Better drink your cherry juice before she can mix that.
40:57What do you know?
41:01She's about to take the cheese.
41:02She's about to take the cheese.
41:03She's about to take the cheese.
41:04Oh, yeah.
41:07Salata.
41:08Pita domaća.
41:10Oh.
41:14She's stopped taking stuff.
41:15I like her when she brings stuff.
41:17She's like the best.
41:18I don't know what lady's coming over.
41:20Give her or take her.
41:21I feel like the cheese has to come from the sheep.
41:23They have one bull.
41:24And that's how I know the cheese isn't from a cow.
41:26Or else it's semen.
41:29You think that's square spunk cheese?
41:31I don't know what I'm saying.
41:33Because I'm not.
41:33It's either from the sheep.
41:34From the little Montenegrin I speak.
41:37She did not say bull spunk cheese.
41:40Whoa.
41:42Those are the best tomatoes I've ever had in my life.
41:45Hurry, eat them.
41:45She's coming again.
41:46Oh, is that raw onion?
41:48Honestly, my forehead will literally sweat if I eat this.
41:56It's actually helping with my...
41:57Whoa.
41:58Ooh, dessert, Jo.
41:59It's not, I could say.
42:00Whoa.
42:03I like to bring that onion.
42:05Well, this is a delicious, not just dinner, but experience.
42:09Yeah.
42:09You know what I mean?
42:10And I never would have this anywhere else in my life.
42:12So thank you for showing it to me, Jo.
42:14All right.
42:16It's what I want you to do.
42:17Sadly for us, our girly wellness break is drawing to an end and I for one have never felt better.
42:23I look good and I feel good.
42:27Our trip, including digs, dinner and things to do, cost us just £200 each for three days.
42:33To help you get the best value for money in Montenegro, here are some tips.
42:39Everything from food to accommodation and activities are all much cheaper when you go inland.
42:45Here you'll discover spectacular scenery and legendary hospitality.
42:50To find hidden gems like farm to fork experience, not facing in my mistake, use the Meanderbug app and website.
42:58Here you'll find authentic and affordable experiences and accommodation across Montenegro from donkey farms to beekeeper cabins.
43:07The Bay of Couture is buzzing with activities and you can negotiate the best price for these by visiting the
43:13harbour and bartering between businesses.
43:20To wrap up our trip, we've travelled to the picture-perfect village of Perast on the Bay of Couture to
43:27a hipster beach bar, which is full of cool people with great bodies.
43:30So I fit it in like a hot glum.
43:33Cheers.
43:34Cheers, Jo.
43:35Here's to a wonderful well-being holiday in Montenegro.
43:40Do you know what these chairs are called?
43:42Mmm, swings?
43:43They're called love eggs.
43:46Are you sure?
43:47Yeah, this guy over there said, do you want to have a go on some love eggs?
43:51Oh, God.
43:52Jo, if anybody ever asks you that in Soho, say no.
43:56Okay.
43:57Mmm.
43:58What was your favourite part of the wellness trip to Montenegro?
44:03I think meeting the artist.
44:07He taught me a lot about parenting because he is a helicopter parent.
44:11It's part of my wellness journey on this bargain holiday.
44:14I'm going to let go and I'm going to let my kids make mistakes, you know?
44:17Yeah.
44:18Would you like to swap prezies?
44:20Yes, I got you something incredible.
44:23Can I go first?
44:24Yeah.
44:24When you abandoned me to do God knows what, I found something that I think you're going to be very
44:31sensualized by and I know you're going to like it.
44:36So cats used to run the world and they used to do glamour modelling.
44:40It's got 12 hairy tits.
44:43She had to pay the rent, obviously.
44:46I love it.
44:47Good, I knew you would.
44:48I love it, I love it, I love it.
44:49Great.
44:49Okay, my turn.
44:50I don't think mine's as good as yours.
44:52Okay.
44:52I got you a Montenegro oven glove.
44:56Oh, whoa.
44:57A Montenegro tea towel.
45:02And a bag of onions.
45:04Wow!
45:06You're probably thinking, how did they fit in your bag?
45:08I don't know.
45:09I don't know how they fit it in.
45:11I'm excited about the bag of onions.
45:12Not sure it's going to be allowed back through customs, but I love onions.
45:16Thank you, Joe.
45:17No, thank you.
45:19I think the best part of my trip was the experience at the authentic inland Montenegrin.
45:28Oh, my gosh.
45:32Joe!
45:33I don't know why I did that.
45:34I just...
45:37You're really living it up, Joe.
45:39I love the Montenegrin Joe.
45:41Good job.
45:43Yeah.
45:43Just...
45:44I feel that well.
45:45I just feel spontaneous now.
45:47That's exciting, Joe.
45:50God, this is so Instagrammable.
45:52It really is.
45:53Do you want me to take a mousie of you?
45:55Yeah, take a mousie.
45:56All right.
45:57Oh, this is a beautiful photo, Joe.
45:58I jumped up for this one.
45:59Ten.
46:00Nine.
46:00Eight.
46:00Eight.
46:03Three.
46:04Two.
46:05One.
46:05Two.
46:07Perfect, Joe.
46:09That was a solid mousie.
46:11Joe, I've had a great time in Montenegro.
46:13Oh, good.
46:15I've had a lovely time, too.
46:17My hemorrhoids have shrunk by a third.
46:19Okay.
46:20Don't get better than that.
46:22I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
46:30I can see all obstacles in my way.
46:38Gone up the dark clouds that had me blind.
46:42It's gonna be a bright, bright, bright, bright sunshiny day.
46:51It's gonna be bright, bright, bright, bright sunshiny day.
46:57Okay.
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