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00:05I wonder how much arse tattoos are.
00:08Hello, this is Joe and I'm doing the voiceover for this program about going on holiday on the cheek.
00:13Because like any normal person, I love a sweet arse bargain.
00:17It's free to get in.
00:1810% off.
00:20Bargain.
00:20So with my friend, Katherine Ryan.
00:22Ah, Joe.
00:24Who loves the shinier things in life.
00:26We had taken the train to Paris just for dinner and back.
00:28I'm going to show you and her how you can have a top holiday for rock bottom prices.
00:35Are we allowed to be here or are you squatting?
00:38I'm leaving very few stones unturned in my hunt to find a holiday deal.
00:41I know it's quite a long journey.
00:43It was like three hours, but I got 10% off.
00:45And at one point I take my top off.
00:47Bargain.
00:48Bargain.
00:49Bargain.
00:50I am not blessed.
00:58Bargain.
01:04For the stodge you ate, the toilets are pristine.
01:11Bargain.
01:12In this episode, I'm taking Katherine for a bargain city break in the Baltic country of Latvia.
01:17And cool, it was Baltic.
01:20Actually, it's quite warm.
01:22Don't know why I said that.
01:23Home to dense sprawling forests, beautiful beaches and the capital city of Riga, which
01:30is where we're kicking off our trip.
01:34City breaks must involve walking about, pointing at stuff, fun nights out and stuffing your face.
01:40And that's exactly what we're doing.
01:41But for bargain prices, as Latvia is cheap as chips.
01:45And with direct flights to Riga costing as little as £48 return, I can afford to treat Katherine
01:51to a retro tram ride into Riga's old town.
01:54Whoa, now we're off.
01:58Yeah, it's a really cool old tram.
02:00I like it.
02:01Cool, is it?
02:04Tell me about Latvia and Riga.
02:06Okay.
02:08Riga's historical set to the old town is listed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site.
02:14Oh, that's good to know.
02:16Latvians invented jeans.
02:17Denim?
02:18Yeah.
02:18Oh, denim's over.
02:20And the first Christmas tree was decorated in Latvia in 1510.
02:24Latvia has the world's tallest women.
02:27I cannot wait to see that.
02:29I want to walk between their legs.
02:33We're going over a canal.
02:34Stand up.
02:35Come on up again for the canal.
02:36Come on.
02:37All right.
02:37Up we get.
02:40Why do you stand for a canal?
02:42Out of respect.
02:44For?
02:44For the canal.
02:52Okay.
02:53There we go.
02:55It just feels right.
02:58That's pretty, Joe.
02:59Yeah, that.
03:00Oh!
03:01Keep your peepers on that.
03:03We're going to that in a couple of days.
03:04Oh, I like that statue.
03:06Yeah.
03:06Looks a little bit like the Angel of the North slash Statue of Liberty, but hotter.
03:11Riga's nice.
03:13A one-hour trip on the retro tram, which seats 18 people, costs 45 euros, so the more friends
03:19you have, the more of a bargain it becomes.
03:22But who knows 18 people you're prepared to go on holiday with?
03:25That's barking.
03:27Other ways of getting around Riga include the cheapy cheap public trams and buses and e-scooters,
03:32which are absolutely everywhere and cool as F.
03:36Oh, is this our stop, Joe?
03:38Yes.
03:39Come on.
03:39Let's go.
03:39Okay, quick.
03:41Really cool tram.
03:42Really cool tram.
03:43With our arses slightly more toned from the vibrating tram ride, it's a short walk through
03:48the pedestrianised old town to our super cheap accommodation.
03:52So where's this accommodation?
03:54It's down this really grim-looking alleyway.
03:56Oh, that's not grim, Joe.
03:58This is cute and very central.
04:00Do you need to sit down for a moment?
04:03A lovely outdoor seating area.
04:05Joe, what kind of place is this?
04:08Cheap.
04:08Is it a hostel?
04:10It's a hostel.
04:12Located in the heart of the city centre and within walking distance to the main attractions,
04:16this place may need a little paint on the outside, but I'm sure Katherine's going to love it
04:21when she sees the inside.
04:23And she won't believe the rock-bottom price.
04:26Do you want to let me know if it's safe?
04:29All clear, Joe.
04:30Okay.
04:31Stairs.
04:35Is this a bad time to do a mousey?
04:38No, you can do one.
04:39For those of you that still haven't heard of a mousey, it's when you take a selfie,
04:43but from the perspective of a mouse, and I invented it, along with corn on the cob
04:47and a meat-free substitute for corn on the cob.
04:50Seven, six, five, four.
04:51That's a good one.
04:53Ooh, there's a wicked mousy.
04:56Ooh.
04:57Yes.
04:58Ooh, Joe.
05:00It's really nice, actually.
05:04Wow.
05:05Really high ceilings.
05:07Ooh.
05:07This is a really good idea.
05:09This will be lovely when it's finished.
05:10No, it's nice.
05:12It's, like, comfortable.
05:13They cut the end off that.
05:14Oh, cute!
05:16Oh!
05:18I love it.
05:20Look at the copper work.
05:21Nice copper work, Joe.
05:22Oh, I'm in heaven.
05:24Mm-hmm.
05:24I'm loving the width of that.
05:26Mm-hmm.
05:28Yeah, you're not going to get fat here.
05:31Catherine, there's a load of mats here if we need them.
05:34Okay.
05:35Oh, they're good.
05:40Why should I put my bag in the living room?
05:42This might be your room.
05:43What?
05:44There's no bed in here.
05:45I think it's a pull-out.
05:46But there's a ladder.
05:47Oh.
05:48A ladder to nowhere?
05:50That's all right.
05:51It's a cute mint green.
05:52Cute views.
05:53Enjoy.
05:54Oh, yeah, my room's very similar.
05:56You don't have to come in.
05:58It's exactly the same.
06:03Joe!
06:04It's exactly the same.
06:06It's a lovely room, Joe.
06:08Oh, my ladder's not as good as yours.
06:10Wow.
06:11No, that ladder's got to go.
06:12That looks like a mistake.
06:13Yeah.
06:13This is cute, Joe.
06:14I can't fault the accommodation.
06:16Yeah.
06:16It's clean.
06:17It doesn't smell.
06:19Yet.
06:19It's, like, cute.
06:21Decorated real nice.
06:22How much did it cost?
06:23The whole place...
06:25Mm-hmm.
06:2575 quid.
06:27A night?
06:28Yeah.
06:28Wow.
06:29But you could sleep, like...
06:30You could sleep 80 in here.
06:34Now, I've been instructed by the owner's lawyers to say that the maximum occupancy
06:38is actually four people, not 80.
06:40Okay, Linda, calm down.
06:43And with prices starting at £63 a night, that's just over 15 quid each for four people,
06:48or 79 pence if there's 80 of you.
06:51Either way, it's an absolute bargain.
06:53Also, if you're a hotel kind of person, Riga has plenty of them at dirt cheap prices.
06:58What's a hotel kind of person?
07:04Good night, Joe.
07:06Night-night.
07:10After a sumptuous night's sleep, the following day we're up early to see the sights of Riga.
07:16See this here?
07:17Yeah.
07:17This museum here?
07:18I like it.
07:19If you go in there, you get a free glass of champagne.
07:21Woo!
07:23That's got city brake rent all over it, hasn't it?
07:25That is a great incentive.
07:27Our first stop is St Peter's Church, the absolute tallest in Riga, where for €9 you could take
07:33a lift to its marvellous viewing platform.
07:35Woo!
07:36Joe!
07:36Wow!
07:37And if you really want your money's worth, you can stay up there all day.
07:41But just to warn you, there's no lab up there.
07:43I found out the hard way.
07:45Welcome to the Latvian capital.
07:48Really lovely.
07:49Do you know why I brought you up here, though?
07:50Tell me.
07:51The quality of the copper work.
07:53Look at that.
07:54That's good copper work, Joe.
07:56That's really good copper work.
07:57The view is also breathtaking.
07:59The view is good, but for me, can't beat a decent bit of copper work.
08:02Do you want some Riga facts?
08:04I love some.
08:06There's lovely architecture, art, and weird and wonderful things to see and do.
08:13Riga is the cultural heart of the Baltics.
08:16What's Baltic?
08:18Poland?
08:19The area.
08:20Poland?
08:21What includes Baltic?
08:22Albania?
08:23Look, I don't want to look this thick on telly.
08:25Well, I am, and I don't care because I think a lot of people might have the same questions.
08:31Okay.
08:32What is Baltic?
08:33Because if this is Baltic, I'm in.
08:35The Baltic states, or the Baltic countries, is a modern, unofficial geopolitical term.
08:40Geopolitical?
08:40Yeah, already out.
08:42Okay.
08:43Typically used to group three countries, Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania.
08:46We're not even in one of those three.
08:48Yeah, we're in Latvia.
08:49We're in Latvia.
08:49Oh, yeah, we are.
08:50I forget.
08:50This is Baltic.
08:51Latvia, Estonia, Lithuania.
08:53Love them.
08:53I think I might have made a mistake.
08:55I purchased sperm, frozen sperm, a while ago.
08:57Okay.
08:58And I didn't use it.
09:00Oh, what did you do with it?
09:01I just kept it in the freezer for a while, and then I met my husband.
09:03But I purchased it, like, as a fail-safe, and then you have to choose where you want the sperm
09:07to be.
09:08I just neglected the Baltics because I didn't really know what that was.
09:13You don't like Baltic sperm?
09:14I don't know.
09:14I think I do now.
09:15I really regret it.
09:16Yeah.
09:17You still got it, haven't you?
09:18No.
09:19It's behind the Vionetta.
09:23I didn't know what it was.
09:25This is Baltic.
09:26Okay, Joe, I'm learning something.
09:28Keep going with the facts.
09:29Okay.
09:29Can we go back to the frozen sperm?
09:31Sure.
09:32Why was it in your freezer?
09:34Well, because it will go off if you just leave it on the countertop.
09:38Good enough answer.
09:39Right.
09:39Let's hit this out.
09:40Yes.
09:42Ooh.
09:43Look.
09:44This list is every ten minutes.
09:46Now we've just missed it.
09:48Oh.
09:48Well, we can get nine and a half more minutes of enjoyment out of this.
09:52No, I'm just going to wait here.
09:54British people love a queue.
09:56Mmm.
09:56Do you sure you don't want to turn that way?
09:58No, no.
09:58I'm going to stay.
09:59There's a lot of really nice stuff if you just...
10:01Because we have to wait a full ten minutes.
10:03I'm not going to lose my place.
10:05Okay, Joe.
10:08See you in nine minutes.
10:10Wow, Joe.
10:11There's this, like, beautiful building there with a totally gold roof.
10:15Tell me about it when we get to the bottom.
10:17Okay.
10:18Ooh.
10:19There's, like, a fancy building with a crown on it.
10:21I'd love to join you, Catherine, but no can do.
10:23They have an Eiffel Tower.
10:25I wish I could see it.
10:26I really do.
10:28They have an Empire State Building.
10:31I'll have to Google this when we get home.
10:34Whilst I wait for the lift and Catherine takes in the fabulous views, here's a top travel tip for you.
10:40I think Top might be pushing it a bit with this one.
10:44If you've booked a hand luggage-only flight, but have too many clothes, don't worry.
10:49Simply fill a pillowcase with your excess clothes, as most flights allow you to take one on board.
10:53You'll get double the luggage for half the price.
10:56But if you do get rumbled, you'll look like a right prat.
11:09I've taken my elderly friend and the lover of the finer things in life, Catherine Ryan, for a bargain city
11:15break to the super cheap Latvian capital of Riga.
11:19Ooh, Joe.
11:20Wow.
11:21After blowing Catherine's mind with Riga's attention to detail when it comes to their copper work...
11:26That's good copper work, Jack.
11:28That's really good copper work.
11:29..and taking in the city from a retro tram...
11:32Why do you stand for a canal?
11:33Out of respect.
11:36..we're continuing our second day on the edge of the city where I'm taking Catherine to see a massive free
11:41attraction.
11:41It's right up her street, mainly because it's got really high, tight buttocks.
11:47Don't look over there yet.
11:49Do you mean the giant astronaut monkey?
11:51Oh, all right, you've seen it.
11:52The giant astronaut monkey.
11:54That's what I wanted to show you.
11:55You got monkey facts?
11:56Yeah.
11:57Okay.
11:58Pause for a moment at Sam.
12:00Sam?
12:01Who serves as a tribute to the animals who died during space flight survival tests.
12:06Aww.
12:07We're so mean to animals.
12:09I had nothing to do with it.
12:11Sure.
12:12I had loads to do with beagles smoking, though.
12:16Monkeys smoking?
12:17Beagles.
12:18Beagles!
12:18That was my idea.
12:19That's a cool idea.
12:20Yeah, it was a cool idea.
12:21They just look cool.
12:22They look funny.
12:23Did it cost nothing to come see Sam?
12:25Nothing.
12:26Bargain.
12:26Bargain.
12:27I'm sorry about the seven-hour walk, though.
12:30Bye, space monkey, Sam.
12:33I'm glad that we could come here and show him the respect that he never got in life.
12:37Yeah.
12:37No, you're right.
12:39That's your mousey with its really high ass.
12:41Yeah.
12:42Cool.
12:43You notice it's really high ass?
12:44Wow.
12:45That's the kind of ass I want.
12:46Oh, my God.
12:48Yes, Joe.
12:48Yes.
12:49Ten, nine, eight, seven, six.
12:53Am I blocking the ass?
12:54No, it's perfect.
12:57Right.
12:58I think that's the best mousey we've ever taken.
13:00That's a great mousey.
13:01Yeah, it's got a great ass.
13:02It's a really good ass.
13:03Look.
13:03I hope if I ever get shot into space, people will remember me for my butt.
13:08Yeah, they will.
13:09Trust me, they will.
13:12What's more Latvian than a giant, handsome space monkey?
13:16Anyway, enough of that.
13:16Let's get some lunch.
13:19What do you fancy?
13:21Something vegan, because I feel bad for how we treat animals.
13:24I really fancy monkey.
13:26For a cut-price lunch, I'm taking Katherine to a place called Lido.
13:31Stunning, isn't it?
13:32Yeah.
13:33It's a Latvian institution and can be found all over the country.
13:37But this one is much more than just a place to eat.
13:40It's got a miniature railway, a mini zoo, several bars, and a theme park,
13:46and what turned out to be one of my favourite things in the entire world,
13:50an amazing musical fountain, which is free to enjoy,
13:54and my word, we enjoyed it.
14:02It's nice to come to Latvia and do something very Latvian.
14:06Whoa!
14:11Joe, this is phenomenal.
14:13Good, isn't it?
14:15Ah!
14:17Who's the lady singing?
14:18Is she Latvian?
14:19Christina Aguilera.
14:20Oh!
14:21Woo!
14:21Is it?
14:22Yep.
14:23I think she's some type of Latina.
14:25Yeah.
14:25So why is the fountain dedicated to her?
14:28Wow!
14:29Wow!
14:29Wow!
14:29Wow!
14:29Wow!
14:30Wow!
14:30It's just a tune, isn't it?
14:34This is Riga in a nutshell.
14:37This is awesome, Joe.
14:39If I had to tell people, if you could describe Riga in one scene of your show,
14:44what would it appear to be there?
14:46How does the water know?
14:48I don't know!
14:52This is the big finish.
14:54Here we go.
14:55Here we go.
15:01Wow!
15:03Well done, water!
15:06Oh!
15:06Don't forget.
15:07I'm not listening to another one.
15:10Oh, it is a good one.
15:14Yes.
15:15You can't make it right, and that makes you lie.
15:20Oh my God, it just got better!
15:23It's Backstreet Boys!
15:25Is it?
15:26Yeah.
15:27I can't believe how many of these famous people are Latvians.
15:31After many more traditional Latvian songs, we finally dragged ourselves away.
15:37Oh!
15:37Oh, yeah.
15:39Fancy a broth.
15:41An Interlaido self-service restaurant, which serves a shed load of traditional Latvian food,
15:47and you can even pull your own pints.
15:49There's so much on offer, it's virtually impossible to make a decision.
15:54This one, please.
15:55No.
15:55This one.
15:56No.
15:56This.
15:57This one.
15:59No.
16:00Yeah, that one.
16:01With a main meal, dessert, and drink costing as little as 12 euros,
16:05we loaded up, and rightly so.
16:07Try and stop me, mate.
16:09Katherine, I love this place so much.
16:11OK.
16:11I think it's worth giving thanks.
16:13OK.
16:14Yes.
16:14Let's go.
16:15Thanks to who?
16:15Lido.
16:16Thank you, Lido.
16:18Thank you, Lido, for your wonderfully large buffet.
16:21Only 24 euros for all this delicious Latvian food that I've personally chosen and I hope
16:26you love.
16:27Bye, Ben.
16:28Do you mind if I have each end of the sausage?
16:31Yeah.
16:31If I was going to start a company, it would sell the ends of the sausages.
16:36Just the ends.
16:37What do you like about the ends?
16:39If I'm totally honest, it tastes nice and it looks a bit like a knob.
16:43Mmm.
16:44You're not going to get anything like this in Stevenage, are you?
16:48I love Latvia, Joe.
16:50And it is a bargain, but it doesn't feel like a bargain.
16:52Would you go for us to say that Latvia is the bollocks?
16:56Latvia is the dog's bollocks.
16:58Do you hear that?
16:59Which is even better than bollocks.
17:00Do you hear that?
17:02Mmm.
17:02I'm absolutely stunned by Lido.
17:05They just get things right.
17:07Mmm.
17:08And I'll tell you what, for the stodge you eat, the toilets are pristine.
17:14Yeah.
17:15Ooh, I haven't tried the green stuff yet.
17:17Be careful, Joe, because we don't even know if that's sweet or savoury.
17:20And I didn't choose that, by the way.
17:22I think it's a salad dressing.
17:23There's one thing they can't do.
17:25What is it?
17:28They can't do green stuff.
17:33That's bad green stuff.
17:36It went from savoury to sweet, to savoury to sort of...
17:41Has that been left out?
17:43Right, shall we?
17:44Come on.
17:46Is that alright to me?
17:47As I head to the immaculate Luz to say goodbye to whatever that green stuff was,
17:51we also say see you later to lovely Riga.
17:54Love your country.
17:56As we're taking an afternoon trip to the Latvian countryside, to Sigulda.
18:00I think that's how you pronounce it.
18:02No idea.
18:03Situated an hour out of Riga and costing under two euros to get there by train,
18:07Sigulda is surrounded by miles upon miles of shithot forests and is also home to Sigulda Bobsleigh Track,
18:14which against my better judgement, is our first stop.
18:18There's absolutely subtle snow, but that's not stopping this place as they have something called a summer bobsleigh.
18:25Oh, God.
18:26What is this called?
18:27Bobsleigh.
18:28Why isn't it called skeleton or luge?
18:30Why isn't it called this is insane?
18:32Hello.
18:32Hello.
18:33Hi.
18:37This is the bob.
18:38Is it?
18:38Yeah, it's summer bob.
18:40Well, Joe would love to do it.
18:42It just looks like so much fun.
18:44Yes.
18:44If I wasn't pregnant, I'd get straight in there.
18:48What's wrong, Joe?
18:50I'll be honest with you.
18:51That.
18:52How fast does it go?
18:54Just 85 kilometres per hour.
18:57I need to be held.
19:01And with that, it was time to get into the bob.
19:05Oh, God, that felt really nice.
19:07Which, I'll be honest, didn't feel as safe as I hoped it would,
19:09because this is obviously dangerous.
19:12There's still no back bit. There's no back bit.
19:16Catherine, there seems to be a missing back bit.
19:19Don't worry about the back bit, Joe. You just need this front bit.
19:21Look, there's a back bit issue here.
19:24Where's the safety back bit?
19:27Here we go.
19:27No one seems to be listening to the where's the back bit bit.
19:31I feel like there should be a bar.
19:33They know what they're doing, Joe.
19:36Where's the back bit?
19:38Okay.
19:38Ready, Joe? Have fun.
19:40The back bit's not on yet.
19:42Woo!
19:43Yep, got totally ignored.
19:45Before I set off down the bobsleigh run at 85 kilometres an hour,
19:49I need to get towed to the start of the run by some bloke with a van,
19:52who I assume had something to do with the place.
19:55Well, I hope he does.
19:57Oh, mother lord.
19:59Okay, okay.
20:00Slow down, Ronnie.
20:01Do you know what?
20:02Sometimes I wish I was pregnant so I don't have to do stuff like this.
20:05I am not in my comfort zone.
20:06I repeat, I am not in my comfort zone.
20:08This is going to take all my willpower not to urinate.
20:11And the urine is going to fly up into my face because there's no...
20:18Where's the back bit?
20:21If you're darty enough to fancy giving bobsleigh a go with its 1200 metre long track
20:26and 16 insane bends, then for a measly 12 Euros a go, you can.
20:32Right, here goes nothing.
20:34And as my old PE teacher used to say,
20:37Don't piss yourself, Wilkinson.
20:39Oh, God.
20:40Oh, this is mental.
20:42Oh, ho, ho.
20:43Ho, ho, ho.
20:46Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
20:47I hear something right there.
20:49We just, we just, we just, we just, we're just, we're just, we're just, we're just...
20:52Oh, oh, oh.
20:55Oh, oh, oh, what the mother?!
21:03We're not strong.
21:07Whoa!
21:08Right up on the wall!
21:09My arse is bouncing off in the earth!
21:12This is way too...
21:13What the...
21:14Oh, God!
21:16I'm crying now.
21:21So, woo!
21:27I did it!
21:30Right, what can I say?
21:32It's like I'm going to have to bin my undies again.
21:34That might need mopping up a bit in there.
21:37It was a cool Latvian experience, wasn't it, Joe?
21:40Yeah.
21:41I loved watching it. It was exciting, thrilling.
21:44Thank you. Thank you very much.
21:46Did you enjoy it?
21:47I... I... Yes.
21:48Did I?
21:49I did. It was terrifying.
21:53See you.
21:53You all right, Joe?
21:54Yep.
21:56Just gonna...
21:57It's gonna take our time, aren't we?
21:59Whilst I try and walk without squelching,
22:02here's another travel tip.
22:05When travelling abroad,
22:06don't waste money on multiple plug adaptors
22:09when you can pack a four-way extension lead
22:11and just plug one adaptor into the socket.
22:13My uncle Giovanni told me that.
22:15But I do worry he is losing his marbles.
22:27I've taken my good friend Catherine Ryan to the Latvian capital of Riga to show her why it's a smashing
22:33place for a bargain city break.
22:35Latvia is the dog's bollocks.
22:37With its historical old town...
22:40That's pretty, Joe.
22:41...cheap culture and budget-friendly accommodation.
22:45It doesn't smell...
22:46...yet.
22:48We're starting our third day back in Riga's old town with a trip to a museum.
22:52And I've hired one of Riga's super cheap e-scooters to get us there,
22:56which costs just 10 cents a minute.
22:58I like saying cents.
22:59It makes me feel American.
23:00We like these scooters.
23:02I know.
23:03It's cheap to hire.
23:04Yeah, I know.
23:05I just haven't got the confidence to stand on it yet.
23:08Oh, we're going in here, by the way.
23:09Oh.
23:10This is the House of Illusions.
23:12How do you know?
23:14Because it's in my file.
23:16The Cosmos Illusions Museum is a...
23:19What's the Museum of Illusions?
23:21Woo!
23:22It only costs 10 euros to get in,
23:24and the first thing to screw with their minds is a broken chair.
23:28Of course it is.
23:29Give me your phone, Joe.
23:29I'll take a picture of you.
23:30I understand.
23:31Okay.
23:31So you stand on there, and then I'm going to put your shoes right here,
23:34and then you're going to look like you have giant shoes and you're a small man.
23:38Oh, okay.
23:39Okay, watch this.
23:39Should I put my hand on my hip?
23:41Yep, that's good.
23:43You look so cute.
23:45Would you mind taking a photo of Joe, and I'll be the big one?
23:48Yeah.
23:49Yeah, right there.
23:50Aww.
23:52He's so cute.
23:53Yeah, super cute.
23:54Joe, you're adorable.
23:55This is how I will always remember you.
23:57This is the first time you've noticed how cute I am.
23:58Aww.
24:00That's right.
24:00I'm a super cute guy, and I just keep getting cuter.
24:04Ooh, what happens in here?
24:07This feels like a spare room in a London flat, doesn't it?
24:10This is going to make you look big and me look small.
24:12Oh, I love it when something makes me look big.
24:16Okay, we will switch.
24:17Okay.
24:19I'm having a giant baby.
24:21And I'm wedged in the corner.
24:26You're a small man, and I'm a giant.
24:28I'd love a giant lady.
24:30Would you?
24:31Just for, like, the weekend.
24:33Look at this, Joe.
24:34The Cosmos room is so dangerous, you can only spend a maximum of ten minutes inside,
24:39or else you go insane.
24:41Flip.
24:42Whoa!
24:44Okay, maximum of ten minutes.
24:46I'll start my watch.
24:47The Cosmos room is supposed to be like floating in the middle of the cosmos amongst the stars,
24:52and my word, they nailed it.
24:54Whoa.
24:55This reminds me of the VIP room in the Salamander Club.
25:00Do you know the Salamander Club in St. Albans?
25:03No!
25:04A hell of a place.
25:05Do you want to try and take a mousey in here?
25:06Yeah.
25:07Should I put it in the corner?
25:08Oh, well, you're not allowed to step on the glass.
25:10Are you not?
25:11What about if I scoot across it on the floor?
25:13Try.
25:14I support you.
25:15Grab my feet, and I'll Salamander it from here.
25:17What?
25:19Ready?
25:20Cosmos.
25:21Cosmos.
25:23That's a really nice mousey.
25:25Worth it, worth it, worth it.
25:26Help me out.
25:27Oh, Cosmos.
25:27Do you know what?
25:28It does seem to be a bit loopy, doesn't it?
25:30Well, how many minutes have we been in?
25:32Oh, my God, 11.
25:34Oh, shit.
25:34Get out, get out, get out.
25:35It's like the crystal maze.
25:38Oh, God.
25:39Some of those illusions might have been a little bit too good,
25:42and I worry that the extra minute in the Salamander Club might have scarred me for life.
25:47They've done a right job on me.
25:48So, do you want me to look in your little fact file and see if there are any clues?
25:51Yeah.
25:53See if they tell you which way you should leave.
25:56Woo!
25:57Latvians drink 78 liters of beer per capita every year,
26:00and their national sport is ice hockey.
26:02You better be taking me to see ice hockey.
26:05I was a puck bunny.
26:06It means I had sex with a lot of hockey players when I was younger.
26:09Where are they?
26:09I'll find them.
26:10I know what's real now.
26:11Come on.
26:11I can find hockey players.
26:12Oh, this way.
26:14I don't have to watch you have sex with ice people, do I?
26:16Oh, God, it's now it's working.
26:20Oh, God.
26:20No!
26:21Joe!
26:23Be careful, Joe!
26:26It took ages for the battery on the scooter to run out,
26:29and I didn't realise that you don't have to ride it until it conks out.
26:32You can just get off whenever you like.
26:34So, miss alert there.
26:36I eventually found my way back to the apartment and freshened up,
26:40as tonight we are going to the opera.
26:43But first, I'm taking Catherine to Riga's Black Magic Bar for pre-opera treats,
26:48and to sample Latvia's famous black balsam drinky-winky.
26:54Come on, we're going through here.
26:56Come on, let's do it.
26:59What?
27:00Joe!
27:01I didn't know that was a cool door.
27:03Go, go, go.
27:03Magic!
27:04Come on.
27:05Ooh, Joe!
27:06How nice.
27:09This is so cool.
27:10What is it?
27:11Um, so this is the Black Magic Bar.
27:14It says here, sneak behind the hidden door.
27:16I've done that.
27:17Yeah, yeah.
27:18To an alchemist lavatory and sample Riga's famous black balsam drink.
27:25Do you want to know what's in that?
27:26Yes.
27:28Like cough syrup, medicine, alcohol.
27:31It's got alcohol in it.
27:3224 botanicals and herbs, including wormwood.
27:36I can't drink it.
27:37I'm allergic to wormwood.
27:38Wormwood!
27:38It makes me puff up.
27:40Does it?
27:40I think wormwood is magic.
27:41I balloon if I have wormwood.
27:43It's the only thing I'm allergic to.
27:44Wormwood!
27:45And cats.
27:46Wormwood.
27:47I know.
27:47Honestly, if I touched wormwood, I'd just double in size.
27:50Shit.
27:51That's unfortunate.
27:53I hope you don't puff up.
27:55Oh, it makes your face go funny.
27:57I didn't even know my face could move.
27:58My face hasn't moved in years.
28:00It doesn't mean your face moved.
28:01This is the antidote to Botox.
28:03Oh, my God.
28:03Put it down.
28:04No.
28:05I like it.
28:06I do not want to see you age.
28:09Honestly.
28:09How did you find out you were allergic to wormwood?
28:10Oh, my God.
28:11I used to eat wormwood all the time when I was growing up.
28:14I grew up in rural Germany.
28:16That's all we ate.
28:20They'd go, oh, what's this?
28:21And they'd give me some wormwood and I'd eat it because I loved it.
28:25And it happens immediately.
28:26Oh, no.
28:27Like, I go, boom.
28:28Oh, yeah.
28:29There's no, like, it's within seconds.
28:31Like that.
28:32I go, boom.
28:34It makes that sound as well.
28:37Please drink some.
28:38I can't.
28:39I will puff up.
28:39We can escape.
28:40They'll have to deflate me like, boom, boom.
28:42That's a wild drink.
28:44Truffles?
28:45Do you want some of this with your truffles?
28:47It's just warm milk.
28:48Ah.
28:49You could use this spoon and mix it into a hot chocolate.
28:52Let's have a look at that.
28:53I'll let you do it because it's fun for kids.
28:54Yeah.
28:56Ooh.
28:59Actually, I'm just going to eat it.
29:00Joe!
29:02Oh, no, Joe.
29:04Come on.
29:07Wow.
29:09That's got wormwood in it.
29:10I need to get out of it.
29:11Oh, no.
29:12I'm going to get trapped otherwise.
29:14Thanks for bringing me here.
29:16Oh, God, I'm filling the corridor.
29:20Luckily, I managed to squeeze myself out of the bar and deflate just in time for date night.
29:26Come on.
29:26Thanks, Joe.
29:27I am taking Catherine to the opera.
29:30Everyone's looking at me because I'm all glammed up.
29:32Yeah, they are.
29:34We're going to be watching a performance of The Merry Widow at Latvia's National Opera House,
29:39where tickets start for as little as €4.25.
29:42But as Catherine doesn't like to be near normals, as she calls them,
29:46I'm treating us to a fancy box, which, compared to prices in the UK, is still an effing bargain.
29:55Oh, Joe.
29:56Yes, yes.
29:57My goodness.
29:59This is fancy, Joe.
30:01Yes.
30:01Look at all the people.
30:03They call this one the sniper booth.
30:06I love the sniper booth.
30:08I really do want to shout, we have better seats than you, but it's uncouth.
30:11Should we pick our favourite person?
30:13You have the little binoculars, little opera binoculars.
30:15Where'd you get those?
30:16I've had them on me for weeks.
30:17I take them everywhere.
30:19Ooh, can I have three ladies wearing pearls?
30:21Yeah, any time.
30:23And look at the beautiful...
30:24Oh, my God.
30:26I hope that's properly screwed in.
30:28Uh-oh.
30:29Because that'll take out my three ladies.
30:31I might move them.
30:32Invite them up to the box.
30:34Oh, my God, imagine that.
30:36Ladies, would you like to join me in the assassin booth?
30:41HE LAUGHS
30:42With the opera about to kick off, I get some drinks.
30:46Ooh.
30:46Aha.
30:47Sparkling Five Alive with a shot of poutine, which I think we'll need,
30:50as this opera's in Latvian, German and French,
30:53none of which I think I'm fluent in.
30:56Catherine.
30:56Oh, look, they're bringing out the double bass.
30:59Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
31:00Ooh.
31:01Oh, my God.
31:02Ooh, that's a double bass.
31:03In my opinion, the most fuckable of all instruments.
31:09Cool.
31:12Ooh, Joe, it's starting.
31:20I've never been to the opera before, but I'll just do what I do best.
31:24Play it cool and look like an absolute piece of arse.
31:49I have no idea what that blokes on about.
31:51One of the ladies just slid across the floor between his legs.
31:55Is that normal?
31:56Talking of ladies, I'm still worried about the chandelier falling on my three favours.
32:00Maybe I should invite them to the sniper booth at half time.
32:06I hate saying this, but I do not like that bloke's fountain.
32:10I feel awful saying it.
32:12It's just not for men.
32:14Everything else, though, spot on.
32:21I've got no idea what this little guffin' on about.
32:25At least Catherine knows a bit of French.
32:30Please, sir, leave me alone.
32:32Sorry, I hate it.
32:34If that's what she said.
32:37Can everyone leave?
32:40I think she's the Mary Meadow.
32:42And she's choosing like a toyboy to spend her money on.
32:49I love you.
32:52I love you too.
32:58I love you too.
33:13This is lovely, Joe.
33:15Oh, I know.
33:16Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
33:17What's that?
33:18Copper work.
33:19Oh, yep.
33:21This town is full of lovely copper work.
33:23What did you think of the opera?
33:26Honestly, I think it's...
33:30When I start thinking, that music always plays.
33:32It's weird, isn't it?
33:34But only in Riga you can hear it.
33:36It's beautiful.
33:39What a magical night.
33:40It was really special.
33:46I will not marry you.
33:48You never know what I say.
33:50All right, reindeer in.
33:51Never.
33:52Puck it in.
33:53No.
33:55You had a nice day?
33:56Yes, I've had a great day.
33:57I really love Latvia.
33:58Oh, yeah, it's cool, isn't it?
33:58Yeah, should we do another day?
33:59Mm-hmm.
34:00Come on, come on.
34:04I'm a big Latvia fan.
34:05Everything about it.
34:06Me too.
34:08As Catherine and I stroll back to our luxurious apartment,
34:11here's another travel tip.
34:14Why not plan your holiday outfits in advance?
34:17Make a note of them by taking photos on your phone.
34:2160% of Brits over pack.
34:24So this will save you space and money.
34:29Even I don't understand that one.
34:47It's the fourth and final day of our so far cracking bargain break to Latvia.
34:56Because it's absolutely belting and cheap to get to, we head back to the delightful town of
35:02Sigulda, which is about 40 miles from the Latvian capital of Riga.
35:07What's wrong, Joe?
35:09I'll be honest with you, that.
35:11And because she couldn't go on the bobsleigh last time we were here because she was knocked up.
35:16I'm taking Catherine to the largest adventure park in the Baltics for something a bit more
35:21gentle and classy. Why not? She's absolutely worth it. Can you say knocked up?
35:26Okay. So you can choose anything from here to here.
35:34Anything in this area here you can choose. So whatever you want.
35:37The chairlift.
35:39Well, it's your choice, you don't have to choose this, but it's anything
35:42from between number one and number three, because I've pre-bought the tickets.
35:49If you want to go on that, if you want to do the chairlift, let's do the chairlift.
35:53But you could have had anything you wanted.
35:58Tarzan's Adventure Park has loads of rides and outdoor activities with prices from as little as
36:03one euro. That's less than a can of iron brew back home. Wonderful stuff. And Catherine,
36:09without any influence at all, chose to ride on the chairlift, which only costs one euro 50 each way.
36:17Where will it come from? It'll come from behind.
36:20Pardon?
36:21Yeah, I know. Take your breath away.
36:23Okay, okay, okay. Is this going to knock us over?
36:26No, we'll fall into the seat. This is the best part about skiing without the skiing.
36:30I'm not happy. No, I don't like it.
36:32Ready, ready, ready, ready, ready.
36:33No, I don't like it. I don't like it.
36:33No, I don't like it.
36:36Okay, there must be safety bits. Oh, there they are.
36:38Oh, fun. Thank you.
36:39Oh, what happened? It clipped one nut. Oh, it's the bigger one as well.
36:45Oh, no. It's flat like a naan bread now.
36:51No. Oh, I've naan bread my nut. I'm so sorry.
36:54We should be taking in the view, but I've got a flat nut. Look, there are people climbing in the
37:00trees.
37:01Look at that fucking thing. Excuse my language.
37:04Would you do that? No, I would not cycle along a trapeze. That's flippin' stupid.
37:08Yeah. Would you like some chairlift facts?
37:11You have chairlift facts? Yeah.
37:14Oh, the first thing it says, be careful not to have the safety thing push your nut into a naan
37:18bread.
37:19That's rule number one. That is basics.
37:22We're quite high up. Yeah, we are.
37:28Do you think anyone's ever fallen out of a chairlift?
37:31Can we discuss this at the bottom? Sure.
37:36From the chairlift, you can see the beautiful views of the Gaja River and Valley. Where's this river?
37:43Ah. Ah.
37:45This is beautiful. Ah, yes.
37:48That is a sweet-ass river.
37:51Latvia's a tight joke.
37:52I love Latvia. Me too.
37:55I'm going to say it. I've never said it before. I love Latvia.
37:57I love Latvia.
37:58I love Latvia.
37:59I love Latvia.
38:01I love Latvia.
38:02I love Latvia. I love it.
38:04Who knows it?
38:06Yes, Latvia, we love it.
38:08I said I wouldn't cry.
38:10The nut crushers up.
38:12Go, go, go.
38:13Should we have some lunch and watch my ball puff up?
38:16Yeah, I'm always hungry.
38:17Yeah.
38:17Especially after hearing about your nuts.
38:19Yeah, look.
38:21Eventually, my right ball did ping back into shape, just in time for a spot of lunch,
38:26so we could bang on about a love of Latvia even more.
38:31And at the Kangoo Ria restaurant, where traditional Latvian food meets modern cuisine,
38:36there wasn't a naam bread in sight.
38:38Unless I glanced down, of course.
38:41All right, guys.
38:43What's that then?
38:46Oh, look at the way you do that.
38:48Good state of mind.
38:49Jo?
38:50Yeah?
38:50I got you a special present.
38:52Can I give you mine first?
38:53Yes, please.
38:53Because you've enjoyed Latvia so much, I got you this, and I think you'll love it.
39:02Open them up.
39:03I heart Riga, because you heart Riga.
39:06I do.
39:08I heart Latvia t-shirt, because you love Latvia.
39:12I do love Latvia.
39:13Yeah.
39:14What do you love?
39:15Riga.
39:16There's more, there's more.
39:18What do you love?
39:20Latvia.
39:22Oh, Riga.
39:25Yeah, because you love Riga.
39:27Frig magic, because you love Riga.
39:30Look what it says.
39:31I love Riga.
39:32I love Riga.
39:34Right, okay, let me explain this one.
39:36Okay.
39:36Right.
39:37I got you this, because you like eggs.
39:44When I bought it, the lady said,
39:45Isha?
39:46Where did you get that, Jo?
39:47This shop that had like loads of leather and like this belt with an orange ball on it.
39:54Do you want to keep that one?
39:56I can't take away your egg.
40:00Thank you, Jo.
40:01Because you love Riga.
40:02I do love Riga.
40:04I love it.
40:05I knew it was good.
40:06And I wanted to get you more of an experience, but I do have a physical clue.
40:15Huh?
40:16It's that toilet roll.
40:18That's black blue roll, which Simon Cowell has in his house.
40:21We're going to visit Simon Cowell's Latvian house.
40:23Maybe, Jo.
40:24Maybe.
40:25Or maybe life is about creating moments in Latvia together.
40:30Also, the final gift you gave me is a butt plug.
40:34It's meant to go in your ass.
40:40Oh, well.
40:42Still, can't wait to go to Simon Cowell's Latvian home.
40:45I've heard he's an incredible host if you stay with him.
40:47He's just got this freezer full of dairy nuts that you can just dip into at any time.
40:51Actually, I think I dreamt of.
40:57Welcome to your wonderful present.
41:00The fuck?
41:03Anyway, it turns out we're not visiting Simon Cowell.
41:06This, Jo, is skydiving without the danger of skydiving.
41:12And these are the experts.
41:13They've trained Tom Cruise, Jo, Jackie Chan, and next you.
41:18Are you excited?
41:19Holy shit.
41:21I'll be honest with you.
41:21I was hoping you were going to give me cash.
41:24My diarrhoea's going to go flying.
41:26I'm going to shit myself and that's going to affect people for hundreds of miles.
41:32Is this really how Katherine thinks we should end our city break?
41:35Covering me and the surrounding area in feces.
41:38Because it's your present.
41:40It's really loud.
41:42If you too want to be blown 65 feet into the air by a giant fan, then for €59 you
41:48can.
41:49It's loads cheaper and much safer than actual skydiving.
41:52And it was also a bargain as, well, Katherine was paying for it.
41:57With my excitement at fever pitch, it was on to the safety briefing.
42:02Why do I keep doing things that need safety briefings?
42:06Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, pause that.
42:09Turns out the safety briefing was more just a crash course in sign language.
42:14What is this if I'm showing it to you?
42:15Chin up big guy.
42:17I like being called big guy when I'm nervous.
42:19Don't know what that was about.
42:21Still, I'm pretty sure this guy won't dress me up like a right tit.
42:26Oh, Joe!
42:29This would look a lot cooler if I didn't have poo running down the inside of my leg.
42:32This is the look.
42:33You should go to the grocery store like this.
42:36Yeah, it's fucking cool.
42:37Oh, sorry I swore.
42:39I'm a bad nose, but I feel sexy.
42:40Yeah, you are sexy.
42:42Oh, big guy, you ready?
42:44Let's go.
42:45I'm going to come watch.
42:46I thought we were holding hands then.
42:47I was quite excited.
42:50I'm in with him, but no, I'll do it with you.
42:56Oh, God.
42:58Let's see, lunacy.
42:59It's going to be amazing, Joe.
43:01Go on, big guy.
43:02We're good to go.
43:04Are we?
43:05Oh, God.
43:08Oh, God.
43:09Here comes the wind.
43:15Yes, Joe.
43:19Yes, Joe.
43:21You look good out there.
43:25Okay, yes, yes.
43:29Joe, I need you to get in the air if I'm going to take a photo.
43:34Chalk him up there.
43:35Chalk him up.
43:44Yes, Joe.
43:46That's higher than ever.
43:49Take a little mousy.
43:54Wow.
43:55There's my friend, Joe.
44:02Woo!
44:04This is beautiful.
44:06This is like dirty dancing now.
44:12Oh, my God.
44:14Did better than I thought he would.
44:15Oh, you're okay?
44:16Yeah.
44:17I went so high.
44:18You did it, Joe.
44:20I went so high.
44:22You did go so high, big guy.
44:24I'm proud of you, big guy.
44:25Show you the mousy I took.
44:27Look at this, big guy.
44:30It's me flying.
44:31Yeah.
44:31I did it.
44:32It's real.
44:32Here we are.
44:34Let me take a picture of you, because you just look awesome.
44:36Check this.
44:37I feel awesome.
44:38Look at this.
44:39I look like I've come out of a bin.
44:42Yeah.
44:43Thank you so much for having us.
44:45Good, good.
44:45I'm proud of you.
44:46I've had a lovely time, but should we go home?
44:48Yeah, let's go home.
44:49Yeah.
44:50Can I keep the goggles on?
44:51Sure.
44:52You can keep this whole look.
44:53I feel like this should be your fashion journey of this year.
44:55Run before they take the suit away.
44:57Yeah.
44:58You've got to keep the suit.
44:59And the helmet.
45:00And with that, our bargain holiday to Latvia comes to an end.
45:04What a place.
45:05Absolutely love it.
45:07Here's how you can have a bargain holiday like ours, where everything including food,
45:13accommodation and entertainment comes to roughly £250 each for four days.
45:18I love Latvia.
45:20I love Latvia.
45:22When booking private accommodation, consider staying during the week,
45:26as they're often cheaper than at weekends.
45:28And if you're looking to stay for more than a few nights,
45:30it's worth contacting the host directly to negotiate a better price.
45:35When visiting an attraction, always check their website for online discounts.
45:39We save €2 by booking tickets online for the Illusion Museum.
45:43It might only be €2, but when you love a bargain, you love a bargain.
45:49If you fancy a guided tour of a city, but don't want to fork out the extra money,
45:53then download a free city walking guide.
45:56Not only are they free, but you won't have to spend a tour with other tourists
45:59who might ask you not to stand so close to them as you wander around.
46:03What is wrong with people?
46:05When booking tickets for performances like the opera or the theatre,
46:09always check for group discounts.
46:11The Latvian National Opera offers 15% discounts to groups including pensioners,
46:16students and the under-18s, all of which I get along with very well.
46:21Thank you Latvia, we love you, and you are indeed a hell of a bargain.
46:26I guess I'm alright, I guess I'm alright.
46:33I guess I'm doing fine, I guess I'm doing fine.
46:40You can't see no reasons for not pushing through.
46:46So make like the wind that's blowing you.
46:53Ain't nothing you can't do.
46:54You know how it works with those children.
46:54You know who to sing I've only seen.
46:54Maybe once I'm through.
46:55And then there's a way to give them water
46:56There's such a big club,
46:57Make like I have lots of opportunity rear men types.
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