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00:16Oh, I'm in second thoughts about one of the shirts I packed.
00:20The blue one with the stripes.
00:22I'm sure it's fine.
00:23It's a blue shirt.
00:24Oh, yeah, but I'm wondering if it's too blue.
00:27Like, am I making a statement what the balloon is?
00:32I am leaving early today for Philly because tomorrow is the first day of my new job.
00:39So I figured I'd get in at 5, check into the hotel about 6, so I can get a real
00:45good night of restless sleep, nervous puking.
00:49I think Jim is really nervous about his first day at the new job.
00:52I wish there was something I could do to take his mind off it.
00:54I feel so bad.
00:57He is being kind of adorable, though.
00:59Uh, excuse me, trying to get work done?
01:01Some people don't care about Jim's new sports job and phylla-whatever.
01:05So you know my job has something to do with sports, but you don't know the end of the word
01:09Philadelphia.
01:10Philadelphia, from the Greek.
01:12Phylia, meaning love, and Adolf, meaning Adolf, the city that loves Adolf.
01:17Good luck with your new enterprise.
01:19And don't wear the blue striped shirt.
01:21It makes your neck look like an old mop handle.
01:26Oh.
01:27Hey guys, the Christmas party is today.
01:30Merry Christmas, everyone!
01:32No.
01:33Is it?
01:33I mean, it says X-mas party, but I think we all know what that's code for.
01:36So we're not going to have a Christmas party this year?
01:39Angela, how could you do this to us?
01:41Oh, right.
01:42Like, I'm responsible because I'm in charge of the party planning committee.
01:45Well, you are the one in charge.
01:46Don't blame me for something we all forgot.
01:49Let's not blame her for something we all forgot.
01:51I didn't realize how many of Angela's opinions I agreed with until she tried to have my kneecap shattered for
01:57sleeping with her husband.
01:59She makes a lot of very sound points.
02:01I knew the party was today, but nobody asked me to plan it, so I didn't.
02:05Hmm.
02:06Funny how that works.
02:07We're out there, sweating our balls off every day, busting our balls.
02:12We deserve a Christmas party.
02:13Darn straight.
02:14This is America.
02:15Yes, this is America.
02:18Well, then why don't we just get some liquor and those mini cupcakes?
02:22Mini cupcakes?
02:23As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, which is already a mini version of cake?
02:28Honestly, where does it end with you people?
02:31Kev's right.
02:32That's no party.
02:33That's like a kick in our balls.
02:34I have an idea.
02:36What about an authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas?
02:38Drink some glühwein, enjoy some hausenpfeffer.
02:42Enjoy Christmas with St. Nicholas's rural German companion, Belschnickel.
02:47Yes.
02:48That.
02:49That.
02:50That.
02:50Definitely doing that.
02:51Are we all in agreement?
02:52No.
02:54Done, right?
02:54No.
02:55I want tropical Christmas.
02:57Topless Christmas.
02:58Topless Swiss-mas.
03:00Spanish tapas and Swiss-mas hot cocoa.
03:03What's so hard to understand?
03:05Or, God, who was it that suggested the authentic Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas?
03:09I think it was someone really popular.
03:11We already said no.
03:12No.
03:13No.
03:13No.
03:13Too weird.
03:14This is me and my family celebrating Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas in 1982 on the farm.
03:18There's me and my brother Jeb breaking the ceremonial pig rib.
03:21He doesn't come back for Christmas anymore.
03:24The sepia tint is from an app on my phone.
03:27This is the same photo Matrix style.
03:31I'm not understanding the confusion.
03:33Am I the only one who wants to try Hufflepuffs and Schnauzerhosen and meet this Glen Pickle guy?
03:41Party planning committee.
03:42Emergency meeting.
03:43Now.
03:46I'm on it.
03:48Great.
03:57And that is why this Christmas should be a Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas.
04:05Danke.
04:07Thank you, Dwight.
04:08We will take your idea into consideration.
04:10Please do.
04:11Thank you very much.
04:12Dwight for Christmas party.
04:17Sorry, but that looked like a cat's butt to me.
04:21Next!
04:24Good luck, chump.
04:26Thanks.
04:27I hope I get it.
04:40Kevin?
04:41Yeah?
04:43Santa!
04:45Right.
04:45Santa?
04:48Kevin?
04:49It'll make Christmas a ho-ho-home run.
04:57Once again, displays of support are not needed.
05:01Booze are okay.
05:02Next!
05:08Oh!
05:10Oh.
05:16Lots of good ideas here.
05:18What was that?
05:20I'm just hoping German terrorists don't take over this Christmas party.
05:23They can go all John McClane on their asses.
05:25Wait, German terrorists?
05:26That's oddly specific.
05:27And I think, I think you mean John McCain.
05:30Die Hard reference.
05:32I haven't seen it.
05:33You haven't seen Die Hard?
05:35Why haven't you seen Die Hard?
05:37I don't know.
05:37I just haven't.
05:39Come on.
05:39You had to have at least seen some of it.
05:41Nope.
05:42Now, I have a machine gun.
05:45Ho, ho, ho.
05:47Come out to the coast.
05:48We'll get together.
05:49Have a few laughs.
05:51None of this makes any sense to me.
05:53Oh, yeah.
05:53And when he takes the gun off his back, and he's like, yippee-ki-yay, mother...
05:58Actually, he doesn't say that there.
06:00He says it earlier when he's on the radio with Hans.
06:04Yes, you are right.
06:06Forgive me.
06:07Oh, that's okay, bud.
06:09Nope.
06:09Common mistake.
06:10No, it's not.
06:11Nerd!
06:12Do you know every line of the movie?
06:15My brother dared me to memorize it, and I did it, and I loved doing it.
06:20Okay, let's hear it.
06:22Hear what?
06:23Die Hard.
06:24Every line.
06:25Go.
06:26You don't like flying, do you?
06:27Don't change the subject.
06:29No, that's the...
06:31The movie is starting.
06:33We're thinking of collaborating with Mike Schmidt on some of his charity work.
06:36I love Philly.
06:37Dirty town.
06:38You gotta go to this barbecue joint under the bridge.
06:41It's a metal can with a fire in it.
06:43Do yourself a favor, get the pigeon.
06:46I'll try.
06:47Ah!
06:48Whoa!
06:49Philly!
06:50Ah, exciting stuff, man!
06:52Woo!
06:53So, you sure you remembered everything for your trip?
06:55Yeah, I think so.
06:56Think that through for a sec.
06:59Yeah, Jim's going to Philly tomorrow.
07:01He said he was going to take me with him, but that was two months ago.
07:03And I haven't heard anything since.
07:06I mean, he said that, right?
07:09I'm not just making this up.
07:11Yeah, I was standing right here.
07:13Yeah.
07:14Right, and Jim was standing right there.
07:16That was the day I was mad at Andy about that Michelle Obama thing.
07:20And Jim was all like, oh, sports marketing.
07:23Oh, it's happening.
07:24It's happening.
07:26You know what would be interesting?
07:28If you asked him about it, I wonder what he'd say.
07:32It'd be interesting.
07:34What else could you possibly be forgetting?
07:38Things?
07:39People?
07:42You know who's not going to get to work on some exciting new startup this year?
07:45George Howard Scubb, a.k.a. the alleged Scranton Strangler.
07:50Because he's in prison for something he may not have done.
07:54I'm sorry, the Scranton who?
07:57The Scrant Strangler.
07:58George Howard Scubb.
07:59Have I not told you about the jury I was on a couple years ago?
08:03Oh, what happened?
08:04I mean, if you can talk about it, obviously, because if you can't, I mean, I understand.
08:07I could, I could talk about it.
08:11Oh.
08:11See you next Christmas.
08:12Sure, have a seat.
08:14I would start at the beginning, but I think I need to go farther back.
08:19We're the party planning committee, and we did not get where we are by playing it safe.
08:24We got here by being risk-takers, and yeah, Dwight's party is going to be terrible.
08:32Maybe.
08:35Maybe it's not.
08:38Maybe it's going to be great, and if it's great,
08:45I think we all know what that would mean to us.
08:52Let's do it.
08:53Yes.
08:54Phyllis!
08:54No.
08:56I don't want my name attached to this party.
08:58What does that even mean?
08:59Where would your name appear?
09:00Please, just take my name off of everything.
09:02Just take your name off of everything.
09:04The fire has been called off, my friend.
09:08No one is coming to help you.
09:11You might as well come out and join the others.
09:14I promise I won't hurt you.
09:19John McLean's not there.
09:21Where did he go?
09:24What's that sound?
09:25Tony better go check it out.
09:26Comes running down the corner.
09:27Into one.
09:28Nothing there.
09:29Into another.
09:29Nothing there.
09:30One final corner to go around.
09:33John McLean's not there again?
09:35No.
09:35How is that possible?
09:38The sound he heard before.
09:39Nothing but a band song running in the wind.
09:43All of a sudden, drop it, dickhead.
09:44It's the police.
09:45Yelnut's going to.
09:46It's me.
09:46Oh, yeah?
09:47Why not?
09:47Okay, wait.
09:48I have to pee.
09:48I'll be right back.
09:49Yeah, sure.
09:50Hey, do you mind if maybe I just keep going?
09:52You mean, like, by yourself?
09:54Yeah, just kind of in the flow.
09:58Yeah, sure.
10:00Okay.
10:04Because you hide policemen.
10:05There are rules for policemen.
10:06That's what my captain keeps telling me.
10:09Elbow to the face.
10:18My pistol.
10:19My pistol.
10:26The party planning committee minus Angela
10:29has decided that we're all going to do
10:33Dwight's Christmas.
10:34Yes!
10:36Yeah!
10:36Yeah!
10:37Okay!
10:38Yes!
10:39It's a Christmas miracle!
10:41Yeah!
10:42Woo-hoo!
10:43Dwight, there is one rule
10:44that you need to take very seriously.
10:47And that is...
10:48Uh-oh.
10:50That there are no rules.
10:51You have never been cooler.
10:54Woo-hoo!
10:56Yeah!
10:57Woo-hoo!
11:03Best Christmas ever!
11:05Woo!
11:06Best Christmas ever.
11:09You're welcome.
11:18And Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas
11:20has officially begun.
11:23Ugh, what is this stuff?
11:25Lava?
11:25That is glue vine,
11:27otherwise known as glow wine,
11:28also used to sterilize medical instruments.
11:31And, interesting factoid,
11:33this is the very spoon
11:34that guided my soft skull
11:36through the birth canal
11:37when I was born.
11:38Enjoy.
11:39What is it?
11:40Don't touch it.
11:43Somebody's found the hog maw!
11:45What?
11:46It's a Pennsylvania Dutch specialty.
11:48Hog maw.
11:49That's a beauty, isn't it?
11:50I don't even want to tell you
11:51what it's made of
11:51until after you try it.
11:53Ugh, I'm not eating mystery, me.
11:55It is stuffed pig stomach.
11:57And after we finish it,
11:58we get to break the pig rib.
11:59Can't wait.
12:00Weird.
12:00Where are the sugar cookies?
12:02Where's the karaoke machine?
12:03This is austere, Meredith.
12:06This is celebrating Christmas
12:07for all of the right reasons.
12:10Cookies and toys and sweets
12:12are mere distractions.
12:13I mean, most people don't even know
12:15that a candy cane
12:16represents a shepherd's crook,
12:18which I assure you
12:19does not taste like peppermint.
12:20It tastes like sheep feces.
12:22How would anyone even know?
12:23Have you ever tasted a shepherd's crook?
12:25I don't know.
12:25Is it what you expected?
12:27I feel like Dwight is holding a candle
12:30and reading a poem.
12:32So happy right now.
12:36Der einen not der helllichtkeit.
12:40Wait, what is that I hear?
12:42Someone on the roof?
12:43How strange.
12:45Excuse me.
12:46I have to run to my car
12:48to take a dump.
12:52I wish my car had a bathroom.
12:55Let Heinrich plant the detonators
12:56and Theo prepare the vault.
12:58After that...
12:59Ah!
12:59That wasn't the line.
13:00I'm sorry, Pete.
13:01That is transcribed by some fan.
13:04They make mistakes.
13:05I don't know.
13:06This looks pretty legit.
13:09Oh, my gosh.
13:10I just got an email from Andy.
13:12That means they hit land.
13:14What up, shorty?
13:15We got in last night,
13:17sold the boat,
13:18went out,
13:18got drunk,
13:20saw a life of Pi,
13:22got super depressed
13:23and introspective.
13:25Gonna hang out here a while.
13:28Maybe a couple of weeks.
13:29Figure this whole life thing out.
13:32Maybe see Hobbit.
13:34Plates.
13:38Hey, everything okay?
13:41So what comes next?
13:43Right, um,
13:45okay.
13:46So he says, uh,
13:48after we call the police,
13:49they'll waste hours
13:50trying to negotiate.
13:51I should just watch the movie.
13:52That makes much more sense.
13:54Or we can just sit and talk, though.
13:56No.
13:56No more talking.
13:57It's movie time.
13:58I mean, are you sure?
14:00Um,
14:02yeah,
14:03I probably have a copy or two
14:04in my car.
14:05Oh, great.
14:05Great.
14:06So we're watching Die Hard now.
14:08Good.
14:08This is a good plan.
14:10Okay.
14:12Here's the thing about moonlight.
14:13It's not sunlight.
14:16I love this hog, mama.
14:18Dwight said it's hog maw.
14:21What is maw?
14:22It's the lining of the stomach.
14:25Oh, judgment is nigh,
14:27for the belchnickel is I.
14:30Yes, he is finally nigh.
14:32I am nigh.
14:34Every year,
14:35my grandfather would dress up
14:36as belchnickel at Christmas.
14:37He was
14:40okay at it.
14:41I am great.
14:43You know how they say
14:44some people were born to be bad?
14:45Well, I was born
14:46to be belchnickel.
14:49Oh, belchnickel
14:50has traveled from distant lands
14:52to discover
14:53how all the boys and the girls
14:55have been behaving this last year.
14:57Oh, too much droodle.
15:00So he's kind of like Santa,
15:01except dirty and worse.
15:03No, much better.
15:04No one fears Santa
15:05the way they fear belchnickel.
15:07Wow.
15:08That's my favorite part of Christmas,
15:09the authority.
15:10And the fear.
15:10Yes, exactly.
15:12Come on, Dwight,
15:12you're making this up.
15:14No.
15:15This is a real thing.
15:16Belchnickel is a crotchety,
15:17fur-clad gift giver
15:18related to other companions
15:20of St. Nicholas
15:21and the folklore
15:22of southwestern Germany.
15:23Yes, of course.
15:24Okay, great.
15:25Seriously, you guys?
15:25Now you believe
15:26in Dwight's traditions
15:27when some Democrat
15:28looks it up on Wikipedia?
15:30His partner,
15:31Shvate Pete,
15:32or Black Peter,
15:33a slave boy,
15:34often portrayed
15:35in colorful pantaloons
15:36and blackface.
15:38Uh-uh.
15:39No, Dwight.
15:40No.
15:41Oh, come on.
15:42We don't blindly stick
15:43to every outmoded aspect
15:45of our traditions.
15:46Come on,
15:46get with the spirit
15:47of it, you guys.
15:56Okay, Carl
15:56was actually a ballet dancer
15:58in real life.
15:59Isn't that crazy?
16:00Mm-hmm.
16:04Jim, that guy.
16:07You gotta stick to your word.
16:09Like, when you say something
16:11to a buddy,
16:12a real buddy,
16:14what are you gonna do?
16:15Lie to your buddy?
16:18It's awful.
16:19Take a bowl
16:20and pass it down.
16:21Thank you, Dwight.
16:22These are nice.
16:23No, these are gift bowls.
16:24When you receive a gift,
16:25it will go in the bowl,
16:26but the bowls must be
16:27returned at the end.
16:28They're a set.
16:29Now, hold your bowls forward.
16:32The belge nickel
16:33will decide
16:34if you are impish
16:35or admirable.
16:37Oh, it's like
16:37naughty or nice.
16:39No, impish
16:40or admirable.
16:41What's the difference, then?
16:42Impish is like
16:44when you're really bad,
16:45and admirable
16:46is like
16:47when you're very kind.
16:48Not any nice.
16:49No, it's different than that.
16:50Quick question.
16:51Do you just decide
16:52who gets what in the moment,
16:53or did you make a list?
16:54I decided earlier.
16:56Oh, nice.
16:56Did you check that list?
16:57Of course I checked it.
16:58But more than once,
16:59because you could have
16:59made a mistake.
17:00I checked it more than once.
17:01Okay, so you made a list,
17:02you checked it twice,
17:03and now you're gonna find out
17:04who's...
17:04Impish or admirable.
17:06Damn.
17:07Phyllis Vance!
17:08Cheer or fear?
17:09Belge nickel is here.
17:10I judge your year
17:14as admirable.
17:17There you are.
17:18Hmm, what are these?
17:20It's a set of rubber gaskets
17:21for canning jars.
17:22I'd rather have the bowl.
17:23You can't have the bowl!
17:25Oscar Martinez.
17:27Cheer or fear?
17:29Belge nickel is here.
17:30I judge your year
17:34as impish.
17:35Ow!
17:36You hit people with that thing?
17:37No, I'm carrying around the stick
17:39in order to look cool
17:40for the kinder.
17:42Ooh.
17:43Mousetrap.
17:44In a head-to-head contest,
17:45people prefer Belge nickel
17:46over Santa every time.
17:48There aren't as many songs about him,
17:49but I attribute that more
17:50to rhyming difficulties.
17:52My brother and I wrote one once.
17:54It was about a fickle pickle salesman
17:56who would tickle you for a nickel.
17:59Impish!
18:00Ooh.
18:01Ooh.
18:03Stop giggling.
18:05It tickles.
18:07No, it doesn't.
18:09Oh, you know what?
18:10I gotta go.
18:10Stop giggling.
18:11Oh, really already?
18:13It's a punishment.
18:14Hey, where are you going?
18:15I have to go to Philly,
18:17but this was amazing, okay?
18:18But you work tomorrow.
18:20Yeah, I know.
18:20I just like to settle in
18:21and get a good night's sleep.
18:22But we were gonna break the pig rib.
18:23Oh.
18:24Remember?
18:25That's right.
18:27No matter.
18:29Belge nickel cares not.
18:30What about this?
18:31Off with you.
18:32Perfect.
18:33Merry Christmas, everybody.
18:34Wait, wait, wait, wait.
18:35Don't you want to know your present?
18:37You know what?
18:38Yeah, have at it.
18:39Jim Halpert.
18:40Cheer or fear?
18:42Belge nickel is here.
18:44I judge her here as impish.
18:46Oh.
18:47Are you nuts?
18:48I judge her impish.
18:48Ow, ow.
18:49Okay, that is three.
18:50And you didn't hit anybody that hard.
18:52They're not abandoning the party.
18:53Hey.
18:54All right.
18:55That's enough.
18:55I'm done.
18:56Okay?
18:56No.
18:57Impish!
18:58Ah!
19:00Bell schnickle.
19:01I gotta run out early, too.
19:03Oh.
19:04Oh.
19:05Oh.
19:06Oh.
19:06What was that?
19:08Now I'm gonna be all whipped
19:09for my first day of work.
19:12God.
19:15One second.
19:19Well, this is it?
19:22Oh, I'm never gonna see you again.
19:24Shut up.
19:25I'm trying to be serious.
19:26Okay, sorry, sorry.
19:30I can't believe this is actually happening.
19:32Listen, thank you so much for putting that all together.
19:35That was the perfect last Christmas party.
19:41All right.
19:42Wish me luck.
19:45Good luck.
19:46You're gonna be great.
19:47I'll call you when I get in.
19:48Okay.
19:48All right.
19:50Love you.
19:50Love you.
19:57Love you.
20:21What's going on?
20:22Party's over.
20:23You quit on Christmas, Christmas quits on you.
20:28And guess what, kids?
20:30Bell schnickle isn't real.
20:32It's me, Dwight.
20:38We found some old decorations in the warehouse.
20:42Oscar ran to the store for some food and drink,
20:44and I dipped into my stash of eggnog.
20:46I guess they needed me after all.
20:48It's like in It's a Wonderful Life,
20:50when Jimmy Stewart realizes that all those people
20:52at the building alone were just jerks,
20:54and he was the real hero.
20:57Kevin.
20:57Kevin.
20:59Stop it.
21:03There you go.
21:03You have to do it.
21:07Oh, good.
21:08Good for you.
21:09All right.
21:10Let's go again.
21:11I love it.
21:12This will keep you.
21:13I love it.
21:14I love it.
21:14I love it.
21:15This will keep you.
21:16You got life.
21:18Ooh.
21:18Ooh.
21:18Ooh.
21:19Ooh.
21:21Ooh.
21:21That's great.
21:21Oh, yeah.
21:23Oh, yeah.
21:25Oh, yeah.
21:25Oh, yeah.
21:27Again.
21:28No, no, no, no, no.
21:29That was horrible.
21:31You can't do it.
21:32No, thanks.
21:32No, no, no.
21:33Oh, it sounds like the party's starting up out there.
21:36Yeah.
21:37So, anyway, the entire jury wants me to vote guilty.
21:41But that night, I did a little research on my own
21:44and forget everything you thought you knew about fingerprinting.
21:47Meredith is a little cute.
21:50I'm just realizing.
21:52She got, like, an Emma Stone thing.
21:59Boo!
22:15For what it's worth, I liked your party better.
22:18Everyone thought the food was gross and that Belschnickle was some darkly erotic freak.
22:24I don't think anyone thought that.
22:27Jim couldn't even stay to the end of the party.
22:29Well, that didn't have anything to do with you.
22:31I don't care.
22:32Guess how much I care on a scale of one to ten.
22:35Zero.
22:35Damn it.
22:46I'm gonna tell Jim to go himself.
22:53Do you think Andy would ever jump off an exploding building tied to a hose for me?
22:59Yeah.
23:00Yeah.
23:01Definitely.
23:10What's...
23:10Oh, no.
23:11Come here.
23:12Hey.
23:12Hey.
23:13Come on.
23:20I'm still Andy's girlfriend.
23:23Oh, yeah.
23:23Of course.
23:24I know.
23:27But you can leave your arm.
23:28Oh, no.
23:55Dwight, want me to get you some eggnog?
23:57No, thanks.
23:58I'll just have another Dumitrol.
24:01Jim taught me this really cool way to take it.
24:03You crush it into a powder and you snort it up your butt.
24:06Yep.
24:06I did say that.
24:07Jim!
24:08What's going on?
24:09Where's the Belschnickle?
24:11Oh, my God!
24:15What are you doing?
24:17Last time I saw you, you were whipping me out of the building.
24:19Shh.
24:20Let's not speak of that.
24:21The pig rib!
24:23We could totally break the pig rib!
24:25I'm gonna dig it out of the trash!
24:28What happened?
24:29Did you miss your bus?
24:31No.
24:32I just missed my wife.
24:35I found it!
24:37And I found out that there's a bus at 5 a.m.
24:39Oh!
24:53Damn it!
24:55Jim got the bigger half!
24:57I actually am a little bit upset that Jim got the big half.
25:00Looking at it now, I wish he hadn't come back.
25:05Back for more, huh?
25:07Ooh, nugget.
25:08Let me get some nuggets.
25:14Thanks, Phyllis.
25:15Thanks, Phyllis.
25:15How was Andy?
25:16You!
25:18Oh, hey, man.
25:19Oh, you know what?
25:20Before I forget again, I talked to the guys about hiring you.
25:23They're gonna bring you in for an interview.
25:24Thanks.
25:32That's great.
25:33Right?
25:35Thanks, man.
25:36Hey, of course.
25:38I shall come by at your convenience.
25:40Thank you, sir.
25:43Go get him.
25:44Oh!
25:51Very impish.
26:02Two dimes, seven nickels, and one, well, okay, no, that doesn't add up.
26:06It was one quarter, and...
26:08Shh.
26:09What?
26:10I was just explaining what...
26:12Shh.
26:12But why, when did...
26:14Shh.
26:14What did you do?
26:15Why?
26:16Okay.
26:17What is it?
26:18Talking.
26:20Are you gonna kiss me?
26:23Yes.
26:38Toby kisses like a fiend.
26:41I don't even know what just happened.
26:48Toby kisses like a fiend.
26:52I don't even know what just happened.
27:03Uh...
27:19Fuck.
27:20I'm not books.
27:21I'm not.
27:21You're not.
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