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01:00I've had a lot of work done.
01:01Doors.
01:02This show is perfect for people that enjoy laughing.
01:05It's also good for people who don't like laughing,
01:07so really, we've got all the bases covered.
01:09And I'll be watching all the action unfold in here,
01:11the control room.
01:13And because I accidentally locked her in at the end of the last series,
01:16here to watch with me is my good friend, Roshin Karte.
01:19Thank God you're back.
01:20It's been ages guarding the fort with no-one in here.
01:24All right, so you're my deputy here to help me spot laughs,
01:26ensure fair play.
01:27I won't let you down.
01:29OK.
01:30Glad you're taking it seriously.
01:32OK, over there is what they're playing for,
01:34the last one laughing trophy.
01:36I think you can agree.
01:37That would look great in a cardboard box in anyone's garage.
01:40Are you excited?
01:41I'm so excited.
01:43Right, come on, let's do this.
01:44It's time to meet our first player.
01:45It's Romesh Ranganathan.
01:47Yes.
01:48Absolutely brilliant.
01:50Romesh, of course, used to be a schoolteacher,
01:52so he's no stranger to looking at people
01:54and being met with blank, indifferent faces.
01:59Well, I'm number one, so...
02:02I mean, I'm really tempted not to put anyone else in.
02:07Looks nice.
02:08My experience of people not laughing at me in the past
02:11has been the first five years of my stand-up career,
02:13and it was horrific.
02:14Now, the comedians don't know who they're up against,
02:17and we've got some competition.
02:20Next in, Diane Morgan.
02:23Legend.
02:24Deadpan genius.
02:25Star of Motherland, Afterlife,
02:27and perhaps best known as the permanently baffled
02:30Philomena Kunk.
02:34Oh!
02:37Hello, mate.
02:38Hello.
02:38How are you? You all right?
02:39Yeah, good, though.
02:40I think people falling over makes me laugh a lot,
02:44especially if they hurt themselves,
02:46and especially if they're old.
02:48Oh, look, I've got flying saucers.
02:49I love a flying saucer.
02:51Yeah.
02:51Is sugar a good idea in this?
02:53Yeah, why not?
02:54Because then you're going to get, like, a bit hyper,
02:55and then, like, you might get giggly, might you?
02:56No, don't be daft.
02:58OK, next up, comedy genius David Mitchell.
03:01Oh, my God.
03:02I know David socially, and genuinely,
03:04I'm most excited about seeing him try and make small talk.
03:10Ah!
03:12Hello.
03:13Hello.
03:13It's quite frightening, isn't it?
03:15Yeah.
03:16Hello, nice to see you.
03:17How are you?
03:18I'm very well.
03:19Yeah, this is...
03:20This is interesting, isn't it?
03:22Yeah.
03:22The lockers are through there.
03:24I forgot to pack anything.
03:26Mm.
03:27It's good to have something in case you want to carry something.
03:29Yeah, exactly, in case I want to steal a moped.
03:32My game plan would be to try not to smile or laugh.
03:37I don't think I can break it down more than that.
03:40Right, next in, it's Mel Gedroy.
03:42I've never seen her not smiling.
03:44She's wonderful.
03:46Mel's rucksack is something.
03:48I think she might be going into railing.
03:51Right.
03:52Oh!
03:56Oh, no.
03:58Oh, no.
04:00This is very problematic.
04:01Mm.
04:02I feel a combination of almost toxic levels of competitiveness
04:08with zero amount of chance.
04:11What locker number's yours?
04:13Why?
04:13I'm making boring conversation.
04:15I think it'll help.
04:16What number's yours?
04:17I'm four.
04:17Three.
04:18I'm four.
04:19And the next person that comes in...
04:20It's going to be five.
04:21We'll be five.
04:22Next up, Amy Gledill.
04:24Oh, I saw her show at Psycho Theatre.
04:26Phenomenal.
04:26Great up-and-coming comedian.
04:31Hello.
04:32Hello.
04:33Hello.
04:34Hi.
04:34Amy.
04:35Hello.
04:36Shall we?
04:37How dare we?
04:38Oh, hello.
04:39How are you doing?
04:40It's so good to see you.
04:41It's nice to see you.
04:42Um, is the system not that you should have put yours in the locker before anyone came in?
04:46Yeah, it is now.
04:47Is it through here?
04:48Will you go together, kind of?
04:48Shall we go together?
04:49Can I come in here?
04:50Don't say anything too interesting while we're out of the room.
04:52No, there's no danger of that.
04:53Am I allowed to laugh in this bit?
04:56Okay, great.
04:58Join me.
04:59Let's get in.
05:00Shall we get in?
05:00I'll take top bump.
05:02You get in to yours.
05:03I'm in.
05:04Amy and Mel, what are they up to?
05:05It really has a school trip vibe to it.
05:07Oh, so good.
05:09Nice, isn't it?
05:10Yeah, it's lovely.
05:11Okay, next in, my identical twin brother.
05:13It's Alan Carr.
05:14I love Alan Carr, but he's going out in two seconds.
05:19If Alan smiles, we are going to know about it.
05:26Holy shit!
05:27Oh, my days.
05:30Oh.
05:31I cannot keep a straight face.
05:33I can't stop giggling.
05:35I'm going to be out first.
05:37This is madness.
05:39I don't know why I'm here.
05:40And I'm going to tell you this.
05:41Based on your entrance, I think you're going to smash this.
05:43Oh, no!
05:44I don't know what to say.
05:46This is the worst casting ever, isn't it?
05:48What are we going to do?
05:50Okay, next in, we've got Bemi Sola Ikumelo.
05:53She's the writer and star of BBC One sitcom Black Ops
05:56and a double BAFTA winner.
05:58She's a star.
05:59Two BAFTAs obviously sounds impressive,
06:01but it's only two more than me.
06:04Oh, my God!
06:05Hello!
06:06Hi, Bemi!
06:08Oh, hey!
06:09Hi, Bemi!
06:10Am I good with keeping a straight face?
06:13I kind of oscillate between resting bitch face
06:16and, like, laughing like a hyena,
06:18so it's anyone's guess.
06:20Next up, it's Sam Campbell.
06:22Oh, God!
06:23He would break me almost instantly.
06:25Is it just straight there?
06:26Now, Sam is Australian, but he lives in the UK,
06:28and he's hilarious, so we're claiming him.
06:31I can't wait for this experience.
06:32Oh.
06:34Who's next?
06:35Oh!
06:36Hello, Sam!
06:37Sam, hello, mate.
06:38How have you been?
06:39I've been very good.
06:40How have you been?
06:41Good to see you.
06:41Really well.
06:42You have a very impressive resume.
06:43When I go into the house,
06:45I have one objective,
06:46and that is to find love.
06:47I hope to receive the rose,
06:49and I hope to be the recipient of true love's first kiss.
06:53Two, four, six, eight, two more to come.
06:56You've got real competitive people in here who want to win.
06:59OK, let's go.
07:00Next in, it's Maisie Adam.
07:02Oh, love Maisie.
07:04Maisie's a huge football fan,
07:05so if you see me give her a red card,
07:07she's either laughed...
07:08It's my first day of school.
07:10..or she's two-footed David Mitchell.
07:12Hey!
07:13Oh!
07:14Oh, my God!
07:15Maisie!
07:16Hello, mate.
07:17How are you?
07:18Yeah, I'm all right.
07:19Are you?
07:19Oh, my God, thank you.
07:21I don't think she's deadpan Dan,
07:23but I think she's a big laugher.
07:26I'm so fucked.
07:29This is going to be a disaster.
07:31And finally, and you are going to love this, Roisin,
07:33the defending champion is going back in.
07:35It's Bob Mortimer.
07:36You brought Bob Mortimer back!
07:39I apologise, but I'm back to defend my title,
07:43and I intend to do it thoroughly.
07:45They don't know Bob's going back in, obviously,
07:48so let's see their faces.
07:53Oh, no!
07:56Oh, no!
07:57Oh, no!
07:58Oh, no!
07:59Oh, no!
07:59Oh, no!
07:59Oh, no!
08:01Look at you!
08:01Oh, no!
08:02Oh, no!
08:15This is a trick, right?
08:16Not fair now.
08:16Oh, here I am.
08:17Not fair.
08:17I can't believe Bob's back.
08:22Hello.
08:22Hello, my darling.
08:24Oh, no!
08:25Oh, no!
08:26My trick tonight.
08:28No!
08:29What a twist.
08:30I mean, that was up there with Shawshank Redemption
08:33and, you know, Planet of the Apes when it comes to twists.
08:37I haven't seen you for ages, though.
08:38I know, it's so good to see you.
08:40I mean, I'd love to see you in different circumstances,
08:42but it's bloody wicked to see you, man.
08:44Well, this is going to be fun. I mean, for us.
08:46For them, it's going to be an absolute nightmare.
08:49Doors.
08:50Oh, hello.
08:51Hello, sailors.
08:53You've got a nerve.
08:54Gather round, take a seat, everyone.
08:56Bobbing again?
08:57Yeah.
08:57That's surely not allowed, Jimmy. Come on.
08:59Yeah, it's not fair.
09:00What do you mean it's not allowed?
09:01We're done for now.
09:02I thought there was still someone to come,
09:04and then I realised I wasn't counting myself.
09:07OK, here are the rules.
09:09Remember at school when you got told off for laughing?
09:11Yeah.
09:12It's that.
09:13I don't remember that.
09:15For the next six hours,
09:16you have to try and make each other laugh
09:18whilst not laughing yourselves.
09:20If you smile or laugh once,
09:22you get a yellow card.
09:24OK?
09:25Lovely.
09:26Second laugh or smile, you're out.
09:28And you have to come and watch with me
09:30and my deputy, Roisin Conaty,
09:32in the control room.
09:33Oh.
09:34No one wants that.
09:35The game will start when you hear this noise.
09:46Oh, Maisie, come on.
09:48Maisie.
09:48Get it together, man.
09:50I'll just go sit with you now, I think.
09:53Jimmy, could I just ask?
09:54I know you don't want me to,
09:55but, like, do you have to see teeth for it to be a smile?
09:58I think you do have to see teeth.
10:00You have to see teeth.
10:01I think a smirk...
10:02That's OK.
10:02I don't smile with teeth, generally.
10:04You don't smile with teeth.
10:05I go, is a smirk a sort of snide thing?
10:10Why are you even asking?
10:11It's not even like you're competing in this.
10:12You're going to be the first out and you know that.
10:14Fair dues, yeah.
10:16So when you hear that noise,
10:17there's no laughing or smiling from that point on,
10:19but when you hear this noise...
10:23That's bad, isn't it?
10:24That means we have spotted a laugh.
10:26The game is paused.
10:27You can laugh as much as you want after you hear that
10:29until the game starts again.
10:31Sorry, another question from Mel,
10:34who I can only presume doesn't get enough attention at home.
10:36No, no, genuinely, the red light means red card.
10:39Is there then a yellow light, which means a yellow card?
10:42No!
10:43Red light doesn't mean red card, it just means the game's paused.
10:46Could be a yellow card.
10:48Some disciplinary action will ensue.
10:52It's some housekeeping.
10:54When the bell rings, please gather on these sofas.
10:56If someone plays their joker, you have to watch them.
10:59There might be a few surprises along the way.
11:01I reserve the right to change the rules as and when I see fit,
11:05because that is the kind of guy I am.
11:07Bob, as our reigning champion,
11:08do you have any tips for your fellow players?
11:10Yeah, get a safety face.
11:12A safety face?
11:13What's your safety face?
11:14I'm going to go on under one.
11:16Oh, you can't.
11:17That's not fair.
11:17You have to have one.
11:19That's not mad.
11:21The last player remaining is the winner
11:23and they'll receive the coveted Last One Laughing trophy.
11:26Does everyone understand the rules?
11:27Yes.
11:28Yeah.
11:28Yes.
11:29OK, I'm going to go back in the control room and start the game.
11:31Good luck, everyone.
11:32Cheers.
11:33Thanks so much.
11:34Thanks, Jimmy.
11:35Right, laugh loads now.
11:36I might go out first.
11:38I like laughing.
11:41They are a lot.
11:43Right, time to start the game.
11:45Last One Laughing wins.
11:48Oh, no.
11:56That's mental, that noise.
11:58It is, isn't it?
12:06I immediately need to go to the toilet.
12:08Mmm.
12:09Really?
12:09Yeah.
12:10Do you think that's a nerve-induced thing?
12:11I think it must be, yeah.
12:13OK, Bob's up.
12:14Off to make a cup of tea.
12:15Where are you going, Maisie?
12:16Going to go and have a bit of fruit.
12:18Maybe a little apple.
12:19That's absolutely ridiculous.
12:21That face.
12:22Can't do it.
12:23My game plan is, I'm just going to avoid everyone.
12:27I'm just going to have to be rude and just say, enough.
12:31Feel a bit sort of smiley in a hysterical way.
12:34That's incredibly unhelpful.
12:35Yeah.
12:35No joy to it.
12:36Yes, I know what you mean.
12:38Real joyless.
12:40That's how I imagine David Mitchell was at all parties, just walking around like that.
12:44Hands behind his back like a sea captain from a bygone age.
12:48What have you got to get used to the idea of not laughing at?
12:51Hmm.
12:52It's going to take me about five and a half hours.
12:55To acclimatise.
12:59Excuse me.
13:06Alan Carr.
13:07Look at him.
13:10He's going to be here in seconds.
13:14All my teeth back here are basically false.
13:17Really?
13:17Hmm.
13:18I was getting implants.
13:19Why?
13:20What did you do?
13:20I was scared of the dentist.
13:22I was like getting a, like a wisdom teeth extraction.
13:26And so I was like lying back like that.
13:28And then like they put this thing in.
13:30And then suddenly the dentist just went, oh shit.
13:31Oh shit.
13:32And then I thought, oh my God, he's seen something in my mouth that he's never seen before.
13:35And he was like terrified.
13:36He's like, oh my God, oh my God, I can't deal with it.
13:38And eventually I thought, let me just find out what's going on.
13:40And I sat up next to my head, there was a pigeon.
13:44Inside it had flown in.
13:45It had flown in through the roof tiles and landed on the inside.
13:47And there was some instruments next to me.
13:49And he was scared of birds.
13:50He said to me, can you deal with it?
13:51I said, I think I've got enough going on here, mate, to be honest with you.
13:53I think I've got enough to be honest with you.
14:01I think I've got enough to be honest with you.
14:28I think I've got enough to be honest with you.
14:48I think I've got enough to be honest with you.
14:52I think I've got enough to be honest with you.
14:53It's beautiful.
14:56It's so weird.
14:57What's going on here?
14:58I'm just nervous.
14:59I'm putting a bit of movement into it.
15:01Stop tickling me, Mel.
15:02Stop tickling Mel, please.
15:04my name is Robert and my go-to adhesive is PVA I had my first threesome this
15:16year oh well done thanks Mersey it was lovely thank you it was really exciting
15:21I was nervous about it I didn't enjoy it as much no you weren't into it no as
15:26much Alan was good thank you for that Alan that's four people now yeah you've
15:31named for have I self name are you subbed in and out there was a sub Ron was
15:38filming it got splinters from that bench though but I was grateful to get in how
15:44many minutes did you get I took myself off after 90 seconds you what yourself oh no
15:48no no no no no no no dangerous prepositions anything with off on we ban off no no no
15:54no no look amazing shall I tell my fact please thank you I
16:01once pissed myself at the top of a slide and then I had to go down what was my
16:05own pissy water slide did it make it better you know what it did it was
16:09streamline hmm what about the next person though that's what you got to think of
16:13at least you're in your own piss I often when I put my contact lenses in I have
16:20more problem with the left one because I don't know things get behind the left one
16:25more readily than the right and every day I think I should try putting them in in
16:30the other order in case it's not an eye thing it's just a the one going in first
16:34goes in better and every day I forget you should try off okay the contact lenses
16:39that you put in at night and you wear them overnight and you take them out in
16:42the morning don't they dry your balls no they don't the opposite they keep them juicy well
16:46they bring my dreams back into focus since I set it up four years ago I haven't had a
16:54single subscriber for my OnlyFans account what are you offering just my feet just feet yeah
17:01wearing a crock or a wedge a wedge is only fans what is it it's a 99 799 a month
17:11oh you've gone
17:11into salmon mode yeah yeah how much is your only fans Jimmy it's quite expensive it's 20 pounds a
17:17month I'd love to cancel it my name's Sam I'm so grateful to be on this journey with you guys
17:26I'm not
17:27going to take this experience for granted I used to work at the Apple Store they'd use my penis to
17:33get the sim cards out of the phones I remember where I put my cup of tea I don't think
17:46anyone would
17:46ever use those icebreakers in real life yeah I think I got to know too much about everyone it was
17:53quite
17:53repulsive how do you unwind chanting and stuff like that do you spiritual yeah crystal is even
18:04yeah chakras and light in the downward dog how's your Kundalini oh it's wonderful I like it I'll
18:09Dante it's pulsating right now yeah sort of in general yeah that's so good yeah a bit of a nice
18:14source do you discover that later in life yeah yeah yeah it's my uh I just needed to chill yeah
18:20stuff
18:20you know and it's nice what sort of was the time where you I really need to sort when I
18:24committed
18:25my first murder you murdered yeah yeah killed I've killed and I will kill again really yeah
18:31okay that's the trouble you just get angry yeah it's very moorish you see red what's your method
18:36if you don't mind me asking um anecdotes oh really yeah I bore them to death oh dear you talk
18:41about
18:41the battle of Hastings Alan Carr had me jumpy and I think also because I maybe I don't want to
18:46tell
18:46tales out of school I think I had him a little bit jumpy who would play you there in the
18:49movie uh
18:50you heard of Christopher Biggins Harold Bishop in Neighbours yeah yeah yeah yeah you remind me a bit
18:57of the guy who lives underneath me lives underneath you yeah I live on a houseboat
19:11can I join you um may I yes you may you're not sure are you well it's just because you
19:17are a
19:18you're a dangerous bloke do you know man outside of this I love you but in here is it hate
19:23I can't
19:24understand you I hate you but yeah I'm happy to chat do you know what Bob's like you never know
19:30when he's gonna slip into his act and he's not doing an act I can't tell what his act and
19:34what
19:34is but like you just be talking to him and then he'll just suddenly go what do you think of
19:38mushrooms
19:39Romesh and you go shit I'm in trouble there I once woke up and um there was a shit on
19:45me
19:45windowsill proper like a human ship yeah well I think it'd come from me okay well that was horrible
19:58Bob thank you this is a very friendly group everyone's getting on only think we need a joker
20:05yeah they're all going to perform on the stage yes and everyone else has to sit down and watch them
20:10great who do you want to see first david mitchell i'd be intrigued to know what he's going to do
20:16i'll give him a call do you want to get it hello oh hello alan could you ask uh david
20:29mitchell to go
20:29and prepare his joker go and whisper to him say in a sexy way okay right okay bye
20:37you might be sending alan out on that note i'll see what's going on come on alan you're killing
20:42us spill the beans you need to prepare your joke oh be honest with me is that the first time
20:51you've
20:51whispered in your life yep you see that's doubly difficult for david mitchell there because he's
20:56having to do this with interaction now oh hello there's a bell it's david's joker we're all excited about
21:04this this is going to be a show isn't it i'm not looking forward to this i think this is
21:09going
21:09to be very very good okay oh no
21:24all lined up in a wedding group here we are for a photograph all dressed up in a morning suit
21:30all
21:31trying not to laugh since the early caveman in his fur took a trip to gretna green there's always been
21:38a
21:38photographer to record the happy scene oh it flash bang wallet what a picture what a picture what a
21:47photograph blown off in a cloud of smoke clap hands stamp your feet banging on the big bass drum
21:57what a picture what a picture rum tiddly hum pum pum pum pum pum steward and your family album
22:07you've read it in a folio or seen it in a shakespeare play how juliet fell for romeo in the
22:14merry month of may and as he climbed the orchard wall to reach his lady fair as he stumbled she
22:22began to
22:22ball as he traveled through the air oh dear flash bang wallet what a picture what a picture what a
22:31photograph poor young chap why now you spend tights all torn and his rapier bent clap hands stamp your
22:38feet banging on the big bass drum what a picture what a picture rum tiddly hum pum pum pum pum
22:44pum pum
22:45stick it in your family stick it in your family stick it in your family stick it in your family
23:04stick it in
23:07your family stick it in your family stick it in your family stick it in your family stick it in
23:11your
23:11family stick it in your family stick it in your family stick it in your family stick it in your
23:14family
23:17stick it in your family stick it in your family stick it in your family stick it in your family
23:21stick it in your family stick it in your family stick it in your family stick it in your family
23:26stick it in your family stick it in your family stick it in your family stick it in your family
23:30BAM!
23:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:36Wow!
23:37Danny Tokers!
23:40Yeah!
23:41That was exceptional, wasn't it?
23:43The energy.
23:44I don't want to stick anything in any of my family,
23:46despite how many times David Mitchell was telling me to.
23:49I didn't know he couldn't sing.
23:52Are you OK?
23:53Are you OK?
23:54You all right?
23:55Is your jaw OK?
23:57Oh, what's happened?
23:58What's happened to your jaw?
23:58Are you OK?
24:00Mel!
24:00It's like she's dislocated a jaw.
24:03Melvin!
24:04Melvis Presley, come on.
24:05It's like you've staple-gunned your jowls to your collar.
24:12I've never seen David sing and dance like that before,
24:15and I don't want to again.
24:18David Mitchell, everybody!
24:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24:24David, that was so good.
24:27I was hoping that five or six of you would laugh.
24:30It was really traditional.
24:32It was traditional.
24:33It was a sterling effort.
24:34Thank you for your appreciation.
24:36You sound quite out of breath.
24:37I am quite out of breath.
24:38Because I've...
24:39I just did that dance.
24:40But that was a while ago.
24:42I mean, it feels quite recently to me.
24:44To me, it feels like just the last thing I did.
24:47Do you do any exercise, David?
24:48No.
24:50No.
24:51That.
24:51That'll do me for a month.
25:00How have you been?
25:02Good.
25:03So how long have you lived on a houseboat?
25:06Two years.
25:07It's a lot of upkeep.
25:08Mmm.
25:08Sam's hunting Alan.
25:09That's so worth it.
25:11Just that community, like the river people and stuff.
25:13Have you ever seen mole people?
25:14Mole people?
25:15Do you remember Eat Out to Help Out?
25:17Oh, yes, yes.
25:17I went to a restaurant and mole people had heard about the deal of 50% off and were on
25:22the
25:22surface eating.
25:23They like surface.
25:24Oh.
25:24The girl, the daughter had these long fingernails and they all had close set eyes and they
25:28were mole people.
25:29Like, you could tell they were not like socialised.
25:32Oh, right.
25:32They were eating pizza.
25:34And they were moles?
25:35No, just mole-like.
25:36As in like, obviously, it's usually the dad is psycho and he goes, we're gonna live underground.
25:41Yeah.
25:41Oh, okay.
25:42Mole people.
25:43Mole people.
25:44Yes.
25:45Right.
25:59When was the last time you had something that was non-vegan?
26:02Have you ever eaten anything by mistake?
26:04Yeah.
26:05I had a beef lasagna.
26:07That's quite a big mistake as a vegan.
26:09Yeah.
26:10Midway through I sort of realised.
26:11I thought I'm really...
26:13Was you enjoying it?
26:13Yeah.
26:14I thought, this is the best vegan lasagna I've ever had.
26:17Yeah.
26:17And the secret ingredient, beef.
26:19Beef, yeah.
26:20Oh, well, when is that?
26:22Okay, everyone.
26:24Time to change things up.
26:25Romesh, Maisie, you're gonna focus on a head-to-head challenge.
26:29You must maintain eye contact at all times.
26:32You need to take it in turns to tell each other about your biggest regrets.
26:36Please take your seats on the stage.
26:39Go guys, go guys.
26:40You got this.
26:41The game starts when the bell rings.
26:44Romesh, Maisie, share your biggest regrets.
26:49Okay, do you want to go first?
26:52Sure.
26:55Hair?
27:01Wow.
27:02You're just coming straight out with that.
27:04I don't regret this haircut.
27:05What did you ask for?
27:06The shaggy, slim, shady?
27:10I asked for a feminine Rod Stewart.
27:12Did you?
27:13And the guy hated you?
27:18I think he nailed it.
27:20Yeah, he did nail something.
27:21His ongoing vendetta against you in your social life.
27:23Have you got a regret or not, mate?
27:25Yeah.
27:26I regret losing my virginity to the swimming pool filter.
27:30How did that come about then?
27:32I was on holiday in Portugal.
27:33Who made the first move?
27:34Well, I thought the filter was giving me the eye.
27:36Which eye?
27:37Well, the swimming pool filter didn't have a lazy eye.
27:38No.
27:39I've got a regret, genuinely.
27:41Go on.
27:41I went to Glastow.
27:42And I got put in a caravan rather than a tent.
27:46And I arrived and immediately used the loo in there.
27:50And only then found out there's no running water.
27:53So I then had to go and decanter what I'd done in the loo into like a plastic cup.
28:01I believe decanter is the noun.
28:05Decant is the verb, isn't it?
28:07I then went to decant.
28:08I did decant.
28:10Was I going to do this with David?
28:14It's a sound point he's making.
28:16Thank you, David.
28:17I decanted.
28:18There you go.
28:19Decanted.
28:20I decanted.
28:21Can I just say it's not decant.
28:23It's decant.
28:25Okay.
28:25I decanted a deposit into the...
28:29out of the loo.
28:30Is this a limerick now?
28:31I'll tell you what I regret.
28:32I regret changing my name for this job to Maisie Adam.
28:36What was it before?
28:37My birth name is Teresa Honeysuckle.
28:42But I didn't think that that would work.
28:44Teresa Honeysuckle is a much better showbiz name than Maisie Adam.
28:48Romesh is not my name, you know that.
28:49Isn't it Jonathan?
28:50Yeah.
28:51My mum and dad were worried about me fitting in.
28:54So the name they wanted to give me was Romesh.
28:56Right.
28:57But they thought, let's give him Jonathan.
28:58Jonathan.
28:59So that when he's at school and stuff, the other kids don't know that he's Asian.
29:06That is an amusing idea.
29:10David!
29:12First day, the whole thing fell around around my ears.
29:17No further questions, thank you.
29:18Oh, that was good.
29:20They survived.
29:22The first head-to-head was tough.
29:23I don't do deadpan.
29:25I'm giggly on stage.
29:27He is professionally a miserable old twat.
29:31Is the tash new?
29:32Yeah.
29:33Because it adds to the...
29:34Adds to the what?
29:35Sadness?
29:35The sadness of your face.
29:36Do you like it or not?
29:38It's...
29:38That's enough.
29:39That's enough.
29:39That's enough.
29:40That's enough.
29:40That is enough.
29:41I had a crush on Magnum P.I.
29:43That's all I'm saying.
29:43Selick.
29:44And you're giving Asian Magnum P.I.
29:46Dom Selick.
29:47Sex Hotman.
29:48Just discussing my moustache.
29:50Who's the fittest person with a moustache that you've ever seen?
29:53Miles Teller in Top Gun.
29:55Yes.
29:56Let me think about it first.
30:00What about the Spiv from Dad's Army?
30:02It's a great shout.
30:03Mmm.
30:04The guy on the Pringles chib?
30:05Hitler.
30:06Oh!
30:07Mmm.
30:09What about fit?
30:10It's a bit of a choice.
30:12Bemi has walked away.
30:16What's your favourite bank that you don't have an account with?
30:19Santander.
30:20Because of the bikes?
30:21Because of Ant & Dec.
30:22Oh!
30:23I don't know that yet.
30:24I think Sam Campbell's looking for a father figure.
30:28It's a shame that that Tash has been taken out of the game, isn't it?
30:30Yeah.
30:31Do you know what I mean?
30:31Because it would be everywhere now.
30:32Don't get me wrong, it's not the worst thing that happened.
30:34No.
30:35But like...
30:41He nearly made himself go.
30:42Oh, he's nearly set himself up.
30:44What were you going to say, Ron?
30:46Nothing.
30:47No, no, I'm good.
30:47Oh, Alan's in trouble there.
30:49Have you met them much?
30:51I've lifted up Ant & Dec.
30:52Really?
30:53Yeah.
30:53When they were going through their fellow years?
30:55No, physically.
30:56Oh, OK.
30:57Lifted them.
30:58Sam is trying to take him out.
31:00I think Colonel Sanders, he's all right as well, isn't he?
31:02But I don't normally go for an older man, you know?
31:10Oh, this is fucking great.
31:12This is exciting.
31:13I've lifted some of the smallest.
31:15Do you know Ronnie Corbett?
31:18Yeah.
31:18I've lifted Ronnie Corbett up.
31:20It's a dead weight because your mind thinks easy.
31:23Can I lift you?
31:24You can give it a go.
31:28Whoa!
31:34Jim!
31:35OK, that was definitely a laugh.
31:37Oh, what does that mean?
31:39Someone laughed?
31:39Who's that?
31:41Well, we've had a laugh, and it's a surprise.
31:44Doors!
31:44Oh, no!
31:45What's going on?
31:46Hey, man.
31:46Hello, sailor.
31:48We've had our first laugh.
31:50No way!
31:50What?
31:51Bullshit!
31:54Ribbit, ribbit.
31:55How you doing, Bob?
31:56All right?
31:58I've got to give you a red card.
32:00I slightly weed myself.
32:02It's nice and simple.
32:03Would you consider yourself a pervert?
32:06The fuck are we watching?
32:08Oh, we've all lost our minds.
32:10Anyone want a song?
32:11No.
32:12No.
32:12No!
32:13Oh!
32:14Well done.
32:15Oh!
32:17Jimmy Carr's a prick.
32:18I am, but there's nothing to do with this.
32:20Put that in the trailer.
32:21Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
32:24That was...
32:26A sudden death.
32:28If you laugh, you're out.
32:30Here went a bit, Lord of the Flies.
32:32Shh.
32:33It's just loud.
32:55It's just loud.
32:57Tight.
33:19It's huge.
33:21It's huge.
33:22This is lovely, movie you really see here.�
33:23.QUE
33:23estatal Court of Drives. It's