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00:08The Miss Pat Show is filmed in front of a live studio audience.
00:13You ever try to run from your reality?
00:16You can try to run, but reality is one fast bitch.
00:20What you need to do is get out of your damn comfort zone
00:23and step into your damn truth.
00:25But it's nothing you can't handle.
00:27So, you know, kind of like sex in the booty.
00:32Oh, fuck y'all niggas. Don't act like you ain't never tried that shit.
00:36Let's start this show.
00:40Jumo, can I tell you to put these damn bags in the car?
00:43Well, I'm stuck here charging my ankle monitor, Mom.
00:46If this thing goes dead, they gonna take me back to jail.
00:49See?
00:52Three, two...
00:53They get down to one, it ain't gonna be no fun, so...
00:57You think you can get me an extension cord so I can move around?
01:00Did I tell your ass not to lose that damn long charger boy?
01:03Now you ain't over there plugged in that wall like a dildo.
01:09So what, you just gonna leave me stranded?
01:11I can't even take a shower.
01:12Your ass funky anyway.
01:16Now, if you...
01:22If you will excuse us, okay?
01:25We about to go fuck up for red carpet in La La Land.
01:27Your mama was invited to the Hollywood premiere of the movie she was in.
01:34The porno?
01:39Why do Kareem keep calling you?
01:41You don't have time for that shit today.
01:42I need you to focus to these, not running right here creaming in your jeans.
01:46You weighing over that no-good-ass man.
01:52Hey, what's up, Dad?
01:53Can you come over here and...
01:54Don't ask!
01:55I already said no.
01:56Well, I thought Dad was a man that could make his own decisions.
02:01Sad to say, that ended 20 years ago.
02:08Hey, B.
02:09Where y'all two heading?
02:10Well, I will be going with y'all, Denise, but my wife don't want me to see her movie.
02:15You don't need to see it, baby.
02:16You live it.
02:19Man, you can watch it later on OnlyFans.
02:21Fuck you!
02:23Where y'all two going anyway?
02:24Pops is taking me to meet his new auntie.
02:26Yeah, yeah, I'm still looking for my dad.
02:28But you know what?
02:28I found out that he got a sister that stays in a retirement home a few hours away.
02:32I was just hoping that she'd tell me something about him, you know?
02:34Shit, baby, I forgot all about that.
02:36Because I've been so damn nervous about this premiere.
02:38Because you know I hate people staring at me.
02:40Then you should stop getting on stage with a microphone.
02:44That's why you been feeling so crappy.
02:45You're nervous?
02:46Hey, baby, don't sweat it, okay?
02:48You're going to kill it, all right?
02:50Thank you, Dad.
02:51Yo.
02:51I know you're going to kill your auntie, too.
02:53So, yeah.
02:54I'll just make sure she ain't no scammer.
02:56And if the bitch asks you for some money,
02:57tell her everybody dead, we ain't got no goddamn money.
03:00Yes, ma'am.
03:02Don't get his ass no charging.
03:04All right.
03:04Hey, baby, you want me to get your badge?
03:05No, we thug bitches.
03:07Oh, yeah.
03:08Come on, it's time to go.
03:10It's the mid-class show.
03:15Oh.
03:16Excuse me.
03:17Ladies.
03:18Can I please take a photo of y'all?
03:20Okay.
03:21Oh, shit.
03:22I thought y'all was salt and pepper.
03:24But y'all ain't nobody.
03:26Who the hell is he to tell me ain't nobody?
03:28See, I hate this, all this Hollywood shit.
03:30I'm going to go.
03:30No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
03:33This is your first Hollywood premiere.
03:35We ain't going home.
03:36Your ass can stay.
03:37But I'm going to get me some Roscoe and get on a plane.
03:40I'm getting the fuck out of here.
03:41Listen, I don't know what's eating your ass,
03:43but you better fix it, okay?
03:45Now you're here,
03:46so you might as well enjoy the experience.
03:48I mean, and stop complaining the whole damn time.
03:52Fuck, all right.
03:54Fuck, there go that damn director.
03:57Turn it off!
03:58No, turn it off!
03:59Turn it off!
04:00No, no, no more pictures, please.
04:02No more pictures, please.
04:04No more.
04:05What the fuck is y'all doing?
04:07When I say no more pictures,
04:09that's your cue to keep taking pictures.
04:11Are we all on the same page?
04:14Are we all on the same page?
04:16Yeah?
04:17Okay.
04:18No more pictures, please.
04:19No, stop it!
04:21Stop it!
04:22And this nigga still not taking no pictures.
04:23You're fired!
04:25Go home to your poverty, Biggie.
04:29This nigga just hires a whole paparazzi.
04:31Oh, I know damn well that ain't bitch sexy over there.
04:35Girl, you look good as a tax refund with food and pills.
04:39I hope you're ready to be the star you are.
04:41I ain't nobody damn star.
04:43What is all this shit?
04:44Well, you know I had to go all out and promoting this film, you know?
04:48The trades are already calling it.
04:49Get the fuck out the picture.
04:51The trades are already calling it a masterpiece.
04:55They calling Magic Milfshake a masterpiece?
04:57Just like you called that Smurf on your head acceptable?
05:02Now, Pat, everybody who's seen this film is already calling your performance a supernova.
05:07Your life is never going to be the same after today.
05:09Really, man?
05:10I'm not a big enough deal for all this shit.
05:12Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
05:13No, don't do that.
05:14We do not do that here.
05:15Repeat after me.
05:16I am somebody.
05:17I am somebody?
05:18I am somebody.
05:19I am somebody.
05:20Say it from the gut.
05:20I am somebody.
05:22I am somebody.
05:23That's it.
05:23All right?
05:24Now, I need y'all to be down here ready to go at 6 p.m.
05:27Matter of fact, make it 5.58.
05:29All right?
05:30No more pencils, please.
05:32That's what the fuck I'm talking about.
05:41I really can't stand that man, but he sure do know how to make an exit.
05:46I know damn well that ain't Corrine calling again.
05:49Oh, how about we just get you up to the room so you can get some rest, Krabby Pants?
05:56Hi.
05:56Um, my name is Denise Ford, and this is my client, Patricia Carson.
06:01Hey, how you doing?
06:02Okay.
06:03Oh, got you right here.
06:04Two queen suites.
06:06What the hell he mean, two queen suites?
06:07We only need one room.
06:09I know, Pat.
06:09He was calling us queens, Your Highness.
06:12No, no, no, ma'am.
06:13I wasn't calling you queens.
06:14See, we have actual queens that stay here, and, uh,
06:17I know what they look like.
06:19You got two rooms.
06:21Nigga.
06:23Don't make a scene in here, Denise, please.
06:25Now, you just go on upstairs and get you some rest in your room,
06:28and I'll handle it, okay?
06:30And don't be down here showing your ass in these people lobby now.
06:33I'll show the inside of my ass if I have to.
06:35I ain't there for no two rooms.
06:37And the elevator's just a little janky,
06:38but don't bounce or nothing, and it'll be all right.
06:42Dee!
06:44Kareem!
06:44Hey!
06:45Hey!
06:46Was that Pat?
06:47Because I wanted to say hi.
06:48Well, yeah, I sent her up to the room
06:50to get some sleep before the premiere, you know,
06:52but she's really happy that you're here.
06:54Okay, good.
06:54Well, if she's sleeping,
06:55why don't we get up to our room and start freaking?
06:57Ooh.
06:59Okay.
06:59Okay.
07:06I'll take my other key now.
07:08Oh, the other key just went to those other guests over there, ma'am.
07:11I thought you said you didn't want the two rooms.
07:13I wasn't talking to you.
07:14I was lying to my sister.
07:15What?
07:16Well, how was I supposed to know that?
07:17I'm sorry, ma'am, but all we have left are the singles.
07:20Do we look like these two big grown adults
07:24that we can fit on twin-size mattresses?
07:26I mean, y'all gonna be on top of each other anyway.
07:29Well, what if this is my brother?
07:31Well, then you could go next door
07:32to the fine motel across the street.
07:34Do I look like I would stay in a motel?
07:37Do you want me to answer that?
07:38Oh, okay, okay, baby.
07:40It's cool, it's cool.
07:44There's my handsomest sister.
07:46Mama told me not to send your drunk and driving ass nothing.
07:49Oh, come on.
07:50She got to you, too.
07:52I thought you loved me.
07:54Enjoy being chained, Jenga.
07:57Thank you, too, too.
07:59Okay.
08:04Virginelle, I'm so happy you here,
08:05because, um, Nikki was just telling me about her new man.
08:08Girl, I already know about the boy on the football team.
08:11The one with the big old hips.
08:12Ew, girl, no, you know I can't mess with no man
08:14with a ass fatter than mine.
08:16I'd be getting jealous.
08:18Plus, I like him older now.
08:20Oh, yeah?
08:20Mm-hmm.
08:21Okay, who's daddy finna give you worms today?
08:23Promise you're not gonna say nothing.
08:25Girl, let me see.
08:30This is Professor DeWalt.
08:32Mm-hmm.
08:33Oh, yeah, girl, I know.
08:35And let's just say this ass
08:37been staying after class.
08:39Okay.
08:40Mm-hmm.
08:41Now, tell her for how long?
08:43For a little minute.
08:44I'm not gonna lie.
08:45I was nervous about it at first,
08:47but he just kept on keeping on,
08:48so I went to breakfast, Quintel.
08:51To breakfast, bitch.
08:52Wait.
08:53He...
08:54He took you to breakfast?
08:55That's what she said.
08:59Um, we went to this little spot off campus called...
09:02Cafe Avon.
09:05For once, a man wasn't just trying to get in my pants.
09:08Like...
09:08Oh!
09:09Oh, thank God!
09:10They didn't have sex!
09:13Girl, yes, we did.
09:15Boom.
09:15Huh?
09:16DeWalt and I did it up against DeWalt
09:18and DeBed and DeShower.
09:22And after we were done,
09:23he fed me a cookie.
09:25Not DePulse Nicky cookie.
09:27Yes.
09:28His favorite kind is the...
09:30Macadamian nut.
09:32Good guess.
09:33After I get my hair done,
09:35I'm about to go make that man
09:36macadamian nut again, okay?
09:39Oh, dear.
09:41Nicky, I think your hair's done.
09:42Wait, but you was gonna bump the ends.
09:44You're done.
09:44Wait, okay.
09:45Bye-bye.
09:46Bye, guys.
09:47Bye.
09:53Yolanda!
09:55Rhonda,
09:56I told you there's nothing in the room
09:58that they said I can't sell animals.
10:01Now, Gertrude was seeing dead people
10:03long before I gave her that brownie.
10:06Your visitors are here.
10:08Well, lead with that the next time.
10:12Hey, you must be Terry.
10:16Yes, ma'am.
10:18Miss...
10:18Finally nice to meet you.
10:21I've been waiting to see and meet somebody
10:23on this side of my family for a long time.
10:25You look just like your mama.
10:28Oh, this is my son, Brandon.
10:29Hi.
10:30Hey, what's up, man?
10:30How you doing?
10:31Oh, good.
10:31Good to meet you.
10:32Yeah, yeah.
10:32It is so nice to finally meet you.
10:35My name is Yolanda, but everybody around here call me Yo-Yo.
10:38Oh, Yo-Yo.
10:39That's a cool name.
10:40But did you used to do tricks and stuff?
10:42Is that how you got your name?
10:43No, it's because every time I drop the man,
10:46they come rolling right back to me.
10:47Oh, I went like that.
10:49Okay.
10:49Okay.
10:51I would say y'all came at a good time,
10:54but then I would be lying because my roommate,
10:56she just died 10 minutes ago,
10:59and they're trying to move her fat ass on out of here.
11:02Sorry for your loss.
11:03It's all right.
11:04She died on because she didn't want to do the talent show.
11:08Lazy ass.
11:10Hold up.
11:10Y'all be doing talent shows over here?
11:12Now, that's cool, son.
11:13This is the type of place I want to die in.
11:15I'm sorry.
11:16His mouth and his brain are on the line properly.
11:18You know what?
11:19We did come at the right time
11:20because did you know that Pops here
11:21can sing his butt off in the Army?
11:23They used to call him Terry Pendergast.
11:25Oh, is that right?
11:27Well, show me what you got there for you.
11:29Oh, no, no, ma'am.
11:29I can't possibly do that.
11:30Sing, goddammit.
11:31I woke up in the morning with my mind
11:34and it was there.
11:36Oh, shit.
11:39You is good, baby.
11:40Well, we better get started
11:42if we're going to win this year.
11:43Oh, man.
11:44I am so tired
11:46of those Sanchez brothers winning every year.
11:50Huh.
11:51Lying bastards winning on sympathy.
11:55Dementia, my ass.
11:56That motherfucker can remember every lyric.
12:00All right, then, auntie.
12:01So when is it?
12:01Because I'm a little rusty
12:02and I need to practice.
12:04Starts tonight.
12:05Tonight.
12:05Rusty, follow me.
12:06Watch you, Chella,
12:07we was going to be in that talent show, boy.
12:09I ain't always going to be tonight.
12:09But you mean, you ain't always going to be in your night.
12:11I just got here and stuff, Phillip.
12:13It ain't joke.
12:13Bring your rusty and dusty ass on us.
12:15Yes, ma'am.
12:16Ceci called me rusty and dusty.
12:17And done.
12:18Woo!
12:19Pat, you almost look as good as me.
12:21No, I don't.
12:23Girl, why are you so down on yourself today?
12:26This Hollywood shit always make me feel this way.
12:28I've been starving myself all week for this damn premiere
12:31and I ain't lost no fucking weight.
12:32I look the same.
12:34Oh, Pat, that's why you so nasty, baby.
12:37You hungry.
12:40Look, you don't got to change yourself for this shit, okay?
12:43You are gorgeous.
12:45Now I'm going to go order you some room service.
12:47I don't want no food.
12:48I just want to be perfect.
12:52Oh, shit.
12:53Well, what?
12:54Is it your eyebrows?
12:55Because you know they sisters.
12:56They're not twins.
12:57I left my fucking earrings in the car.
12:59Oh, okay.
13:00Well, I'll go get them for you, Pat.
13:01No, I'm going to get them.
13:02No, no, it's okay.
13:02No, no, I'm going to get them.
13:04I said I would help you with Pat.
13:05Let me help you.
13:06Damn, you don't ever want nobody to...
13:07Oh, my God.
13:08I'm going to get them.
13:09Oh, my God.
13:11Stay up there and steam my drawers.
13:16Okay, God.
13:17Now listen here.
13:19It's me, Denise.
13:21Please do not let Pat run into my man in that lobby
13:24and I promise to you, Lord,
13:26that I will stop stealing at the self-checkout.
13:29Magic Milkshake is a film for the entire family.
13:33A film about milks and shakes.
13:37Hey.
13:38Hey.
13:38Kareem, what in the crack at hell you doing here?
13:41Uh, I plead the fifth.
13:43I knew it, God damn it.
13:44Denise, that's why she wanted them fucking two queen sweets, ain't it?
13:47Ain't it?
13:48Uh, I plead the fifth.
13:50I'm going to plead my foot up Denise's ass.
13:52Don't jackhammer it like...
13:54Pat!
13:54Pat, stop with the damn buttons.
13:56Don't jackhammer it like that.
13:58Ow!
13:58Oh, shit!
14:01Come on, open up your hips.
14:03Open them up like this.
14:04What am I giving birth?
14:05And back.
14:06Come on now.
14:08Oh, I see she's putting you all to work, huh?
14:10Now be careful.
14:11This woman will work you like a Hebrew slave.
14:14Ask you anything, Rhonda.
14:17Why don't you go somewhere and wipe somebody's ass?
14:20Look, how are you moving like this?
14:22Honey, you are only as old as you think you are.
14:25Uh-huh.
14:26If you made your roommate do this, I'd have died too.
14:28Mm-hmm.
14:29You see Terry whining over there?
14:31Yes.
14:33Because I can't speak.
14:37Oh, Lord.
14:39Here comes Sanchez.
14:40Stand tall, you two.
14:42Don't let the enemies hit you weak.
14:43Oh, gentlemen!
14:45You are looking barely alive.
14:50And Jojo, how are you, Jew?
14:52We are fine fine, Sanchez.
14:55Why don't you go shuffle the fuck off to dialysis?
14:59Looks like you hired yourself some help.
15:02Still going to lose, though.
15:04Just like you did last year, and the year before, and the year before.
15:08Oh, you remember all of that, huh?
15:11Aren't you the poster child for Alzheimer's?
15:15And I'm going to remember this year's crushing victory as well.
15:18Oh.
15:18Good day, gentlemen.
15:20Así no me puedes darlo.
15:22Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
15:23No, but we got to get our act together, Cherry.
15:26I can't believe you can't dance.
15:28Your father?
15:29Move his ass off.
15:31Oh, yeah?
15:31Oh.
15:32My daddy could dance?
15:33Hey, look, Auntie, tell me more.
15:34Tell me everything.
15:35This is the kind of information I drove up here for.
15:37Oh, your father could have been right up there next to Alvin Ailey if he wanted to, but he was
15:43a hot mess.
15:45Alvin Ailey?
15:46That's what I'm saying.
15:47Hey, Auntie, look, show me more.
15:48I'm going to get it right this time.
15:49I promise, all right?
15:50Keep up.
15:51All right, all right, all right.
15:52One, two, three.
15:53Cat!
15:54One, two, three.
15:55Cat!
15:56Oh, fool!
15:57There it go!
15:58Come on, Terry.
16:01No service.
16:02Why you press all them damn buttons, Kareem?
16:04I didn't press the buttons you did.
16:06Never be late to my own damn premiere.
16:08I didn't even want to do this Hollywood shit in the first place.
16:12Got me feeling all insecure.
16:14Don't do that.
16:16Don't do that.
16:16Don't do that.
16:17Don't do that.
16:18Just try the phone.
16:21Dead like you should be.
16:22Okay, see, it ain't even about the elevator.
16:25Why don't we talk about what's really going on here?
16:27Here come this self-help bullshit, ain't it?
16:29When you know you only going to help your damn self, ain't you, Kareem?
16:32Ah, so you don't like me because of the past.
16:35No, it's about the present.
16:37Because you ain't doing shit but leading my sister on.
16:39How am I leading her on?
16:41You might be rich and famous now, but I will never forget when my sister OD'd and you left
16:45her in the damn streets to die like a dog, did you put that shit in your little book, Kareem?
16:50That was a long time ago, Pat.
16:52Denise might be too dick-dumb to remember, but I'm the one that stayed by her bed until
16:57she woke up in the hospital.
16:58You didn't even call.
17:00I was 19 years old, strung out on drugs.
17:03I am 50 years old now, sober, strong, and all I can say is I'm sorry, Pat.
17:09Yeah, you are.
17:10You are sorry, motherfucker.
17:13Sure was.
17:15Was, Pat.
17:18Do you want to be remembered for all your old bullshit, too, huh?
17:23Look, I was a horrible boyfriend.
17:25Hated myself back then.
17:27Didn't know who I was, but I know who I am today.
17:30I know my heart.
17:31People do change, Pat.
17:33I mean, fuck.
17:34You living proof of that.
17:35What the hell are you talking about?
17:38You've come so far from rabbit.
17:40You've beaten every odd.
17:41You've got a beautiful family.
17:43You're killing it career-wise.
17:45How are you going to be insecure?
17:47You going to judge me now?
17:49I can't fault you.
17:50I went through the same shit when I hit it big.
17:53Now, look, the thing is, where we come from, we feel like we don't deserve none of this.
17:59You're right.
18:00I do feel like I don't deserve this shit.
18:03The world expected us to be dead now, Pat.
18:06Look at us.
18:09You've got just as much right to be here as anybody else.
18:12Scared of Hollywood.
18:13How are you going to be scared of Hollywood?
18:15Shit, they need to be scared of you.
18:18You're actually making some sense now.
18:21What's crazy is I damn near killed myself this weekend, trying to lose weight for people I don't even know.
18:27For what?
18:28You've got to stay out the comments, man.
18:31I was looking at an old clip the other day that was in there saying I look like that guy
18:35from Girlfriends.
18:41Here go your earrings right here, Pat.
18:47Come on, Pat.
18:48Pick up.
18:55Pat.
18:55Oh, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
18:57Pretend like I said something funny, all right?
18:59Take it.
19:01What's funnier than that?
19:05Sadiq!
19:06Hey, Smurf.
19:07Where's Pat?
19:09Oh, down in the gym.
19:12Yep.
19:13Since she's been getting her actress on, you know she's all about her fitness.
19:16She better not be losing no weight.
19:17I hope you mean fitness as in fitting this cupcake in her mouth, because she already perfect.
19:22Listen, now the Hollywood reporter's down here right now and they want to talk to her.
19:26Now?
19:27Yes, yes now.
19:28Fuck.
19:28I mean, okay, I'll go get her.
19:30Okay, bye.
19:31Bye to your pet.
19:32Oh.
19:38Hey, you must be pretty desperate calling me.
19:40Yeah, you nailed it.
19:41Okay, look, so, um, I have this friend, right, and she needs some man advice.
19:47Hmm.
19:48Well, you've come to the right place.
19:50Doesn't get more manly than me.
19:52Aren't you hooked up to a wall right now?
19:55My patience runs very thin right now, Janelle.
19:57All right, look, so, listen, my friend, she's, she's dating this guy, and they start doing
20:04the do.
20:04Hmm, is your slutty friend single?
20:07Ignoring that.
20:08Okay, so, everything's going great, right?
20:11Until she finds out that he's also doing the do with another girl.
20:15Okay.
20:16Okay what?
20:17How do I handle this?
20:19Oh, so it is you.
20:21Damn it.
20:22How did I get outsmarted by Junebug?
20:24Did you use protections now?
20:26I mean, you don't want to end up like me.
20:28Of course I use protection.
20:29I'm not an idiot.
20:30Come on.
20:31Hurtful, but continue.
20:33Uh, but what do you mean?
20:35That's it.
20:36Okay, so, he takes your V card, then instantly cheats.
20:40Uh-huh.
20:41This guy sounds like a dick to me.
20:42You know you deserve better than that, Janelle.
20:44Sure, do a catch.
20:46Thanks, bud.
20:47Yeah.
20:48So I say crash out on his ass.
20:50Oh.
20:51You need to ask yourself,
20:52W-W-Y-C-M-A-A-D-D.
20:56What would your crazy mama and auntie Denise do?
21:00Yeah.
21:03Okay, I see what you're going with.
21:06You know, you're actually not a bad brother.
21:09Oh, and also, don't worry,
21:11I made some phone calls,
21:13and I have a task rabbit coming right now with your cord.
21:15Yes!
21:16Oh, I knew you'd come through, Janelle.
21:18Hey, and remember,
21:19broke boys don't deserve no coochie.
21:21But he's not broke.
21:23Mm, but he's broken inside, though, my sister.
21:27I miss you.
21:29I miss you, too.
21:30All right, you got this.
21:31Bye.
21:35Oh, come in.
21:39Who's that a bitch?
21:42I want to introduce you to my best friend in here.
21:45She's the reason I haven't burped this joint down yet.
21:49Carol.
21:50Carol.
21:51Yolanda, I told you.
21:57I am not fooling with you and them edibles no more.
22:03Had me outside humping a tree last week.
22:08Oh, you humping a tree?
22:10Well, in my defense, I thought the tree was Shaq.
22:14Oh, behave yourself, Carol.
22:18I want to introduce you to my nephew and his son, Brandon.
22:22Oh, well, very nice to meet you, handsome.
22:27And it's so nice of you to come and visit.
22:29Are you having a good time?
22:31Well, to be honest,
22:33I was hoping to ask Yolanda a million questions about my father,
22:36but we kind of got roped into this whole talent show thing.
22:39Yeah, she's really been putting us to work.
22:41I'm surprised she didn't ask you to do a do-wit-wit.
22:42Oh, hell no.
22:43This stuff ain't gonna kill me.
22:47Yolanda,
22:48how come you haven't told this boy about his father yet?
22:51Would you mind your nosy-ass business, Carol?
22:54Oh, right then.
22:55Fair enough.
22:57Well, it was nice to meet you both.
22:58And listen, I'm gonna have to step off
23:00because they done talked me into announcing this bitch.
23:05I know you want to talk about your daddy,
23:07but we'll talk about him after the show.
23:09Right now, I just want y'all to focus, okay?
23:11Yes, ma'am.
23:12Good evening,
23:13or good morning to those of you that just woke up.
23:17I am the host of tonight's talent extravaganza.
23:22Now, first up,
23:24we have our returning champions,
23:28the Sanchez brothers.
23:30But no,
23:31there's only one brother this time
23:32because two of them died.
23:34Okay.
23:38That's that sympathy shit I was talking about.
23:41Oh, you can walk, bitch.
23:45Okay, okay, you too, Yolanda.
23:49Mucho de gracias.
23:55I'm real sad that my two brothers
23:57can't join me tonight.
23:59But, uh,
24:00they're watching from heaven's home.
24:01Why don't you go up there with them?
24:04This ain't American Idol.
24:06We don't need your sob story.
24:07Just sing.
24:20He ain't even singing for real.
24:22The show is moving.
24:26Wait, wait.
24:26Are you on his side or mine?
24:28We all gonna say,
24:28we gonna kick us behind,
24:29but we gonna talk about the pups, right?
24:31Yes, this is...
24:32Come on.
24:32Eyes on the prize.
24:33Get off the stage,
24:34really bad bunny.
24:38Thank you so much.
24:39Could somebody come up here
24:40and get these dead brothers on?
24:45All right, now.
24:48You may have seen her
24:50in some of the social security offices
24:52or maybe some of the senior citizens.
24:54Oh, folks, home.
24:56Y'all give it up
24:57for Yo-Yo
24:58and the strings.
25:03We're gonna do something
25:04way back for you.
25:09He's leaving
25:11on that midnight train
25:14to Georgia.
25:15He's leaving
25:16on the midnight train
25:17The city's going back
25:21to find
25:22a simpler place
25:26at times
25:27ever.
25:28Yes, he is.
25:31I'll be there
25:33I know you live
25:34on that midnight train
25:36to Georgia.
25:37Oh, my midnight train
25:38to Georgia.
25:42I'd rather be
25:43in his world
25:44than be without him
25:46in my
25:47world.
25:49Ha, ha, ha!
25:50How you doing, baby?
25:51His world.
25:53My world.
25:54Oh, his world.
25:55Oh, my world.
25:57Midnight train
25:57to gold.
25:58Oh, my world.
25:59Oh, his world.
26:00His world.
26:01My world.
26:02Midnight train to Georgia.
26:03I've got to go.
26:05I want to go.
26:06I've got to go.
26:08Hey!
26:09Oh!
26:11Go get it, baby!
26:12Midnight train to Georgia.
26:13Yeah!
26:14You got your prayers.
26:17Midnight train to Georgia.
26:20Oh, yeah!
26:23Oh, yeah!
26:27Ha!
26:28Oh, shit!
26:29Oh, you remember that time
26:30we got caught stealing
26:32Skittles at the corner store
26:33and you had to come in there
26:34and act like you was your mama
26:35so we didn't get...
26:36I'm going to beat your ass down!
26:37Ha, ha!
26:38That was crazy.
26:39That was so funny.
26:41Oh, my God.
26:41You motherfuckers never paid me
26:43about $20 even
26:44for coming down
26:44to get y'all.
26:45Oh, my God!
26:45You still talking about
26:46that damn $20?
26:47You know what?
26:48Fine.
26:48Here.
26:49You want your damn $20?
26:51There you go.
26:53$20?
26:53Where the rest at?
26:54What you mean the rest?
26:55We said $20.
26:56Nigga, that was in the 90s.
26:58Interest.
26:58I've got to get my $20 a night.
27:01Yeah, see?
27:02See?
27:02I waited a long time
27:03to get this shit.
27:05We had a time, didn't we?
27:07We did.
27:08We had a time.
27:09I wish they was all good.
27:11I mean, that's why
27:12I'm looking forward
27:13to creating more.
27:14You know, so I can improve
27:15my losing record.
27:17I want to make it up
27:18to Denise.
27:19And you.
27:20I got to be honest with you.
27:22Us talking like this
27:23can't undo what's done,
27:25but it is a damn start.
27:27God don't make no mistakes.
27:30And this is why
27:31me and Dee Dee
27:32are back in each other's lives again.
27:34I ain't playing with her
27:35or about her.
27:36Now, I'm sorry
27:37that I messed up,
27:38you know,
27:39the premiere and everything,
27:40but, I mean,
27:41she did say
27:42that she told you
27:44I was coming.
27:45She ain't told me
27:46shit about shit.
27:47Well, then she lied
27:47to both of us.
27:49Well, dang.
27:50Maybe God put us
27:51in this elevator
27:52so we can come back together.
27:55Work shit out, maybe.
27:56You really do love it,
27:57don't you?
27:58Like my own breath.
28:00Damn, nigga,
28:00you corny like my husband.
28:02I'm glad we did this.
28:04Get the fuck off me.
28:06She physical touches
28:07my love language.
28:08And kicking nigga's ass
28:09is mine.
28:18Um, hi.
28:20Uh, professor,
28:22can I talk to you
28:23for a second privately?
28:24Uh, excuse me.
28:25I am, uh,
28:26I'm busy right now
28:26and my office hours
28:27are stated in my syllabus.
28:28I know your office hours.
28:29I set an appointment
28:30to talk to you privately,
28:31but you were a no-show.
28:37Wow.
28:39Okay, cool.
28:40All right,
28:41so you've been MIA
28:42ever since you and I.
28:43Is everything okay?
28:44Uh, yes, yes.
28:45Everything is,
28:46everything is fine.
28:47Miss Carson,
28:48I'll see you in class,
28:49okay?
28:50Goodbye.
28:51Goodbye.
28:58Miss Carson,
28:59what are you doing?
29:00Oh, please,
29:01you fucked with the wrong thing.
29:02Okay, okay.
29:03Yeah, yeah,
29:03you did.
29:04No, you want something too big?
29:05Whoa, whoa, whoa.
29:06Okay, come on.
29:07I'mma fuck your last time.
29:08Oh, go ahead and go.
29:11You know what?
29:19Now, the carpet's about to open
29:20and I ain't seen Big Sexy all day.
29:22Where is my Magic Milf?
29:23Where is my Magic Milf?
29:26Oh, hey, Magic Milf.
29:29Kareem,
29:30what in the hell
29:31are you doing here?
29:32She knows, Denise.
29:33Oh.
29:34Okay, pass your earrings.
29:36And your stuff.
29:40I'mma deal with your lying ass,
29:41Kathleen.
29:42We got to go.
29:42God damn, director.
29:45Make some noise
29:46if you liked
29:47the Sanchez brothers.
29:53Uh-uh, man.
29:54He droops in the stats.
29:56Make some noise
29:58if you like
29:58Yo-Yo and the strings.
30:00Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:05Judges,
30:06do we have
30:07the final decision?
30:09Okay.
30:11Well,
30:11well,
30:12here we are.
30:14The, um,
30:1519th
30:15annual
30:16Fall
30:17talent show
30:18winner is
30:21the Sanchez Brothers!
30:24Oh, man, man,
30:25he's doing the judges.
30:28He's doing one of them.
30:30Bro,
30:31are you fucking Sanchez?
30:35Sanchez,
30:35you know she got
30:36the crabs!
30:37Give me that coach.
30:39Don't worry about it.
30:40He's gonna be
30:40with his brother soon.
30:41Yeah,
30:42you a winner
30:43in our eyes, Yolanda.
30:44Oh,
30:45thank you, baby.
30:45And I am so glad
30:47you two came
30:48down here to visit me.
30:50You
30:50made my year.
30:54And Terry,
30:55I know you want
30:55to talk about your daddy,
30:58but it's
30:59it's a little painful
31:01for me to talk about.
31:03But they say
31:05a picture
31:07is worth
31:08a thousand words,
31:09so I want
31:11I want you
31:13to have this.
31:15What's this?
31:16Oh,
31:17that's a cute baby.
31:19Damn,
31:19you got a big-ass head.
31:22Yolanda,
31:22who are these people?
31:25That's a picture
31:26of you, Terry.
31:27It's a baby.
31:29Oh my God.
31:33And
31:33that man
31:35holding you,
31:37that's your daddy.
31:46Hair by Denise,
31:48makeup by Denise,
31:49outfit by,
31:49you guessed it,
31:50Macy's.
31:50Oh,
31:51oh,
31:51Miss Pat,
31:52Miss Pat.
31:54This is Miss Pat,
31:55everybody.
31:58Awesome.
31:58You look good,
31:59girl.
32:00Let me hit it
32:00from the back.
32:01Ow!
32:02Oh,
32:02it's perfect.
32:03Just what?
32:04Yeah,
32:05oh,
32:06bye-bye.
32:07Ain't she funny?
32:09Milkshake,
32:10everybody.
32:10She got a milp
32:11on her shake.
32:12Ooh.
32:14Hollywood Reporter
32:14has been asking me
32:15about you all night.
32:17They can't wait
32:17to talk to you.
32:18They want to talk to me?
32:19I told you, sis,
32:20stop thinking you to fart
32:21when you're clearly
32:22the shit.
32:22Ooh.
32:23You ready for your life
32:24to change,
32:24big sexy?
32:25Miss Pat,
32:25over here.
32:27Damn,
32:27last time I took
32:28this minute picture,
32:29it came with a felony.
32:32Steve,
32:33I was looking for you.
32:34Hey,
32:35I hope you're not
32:36mad at me,
32:36okay?
32:37Because I can take it
32:38from Pat,
32:38but not from you.
32:39And I know
32:39I've got to stop lying,
32:40but I've got
32:40diabetes and stuff
32:42just kind of fall out
32:42and I'd be confused
32:43and it's like,
32:44I love you so much
32:44and then I'd be trying to...
32:45Hold up,
32:45hold up.
32:47Wait a minute.
32:48You love me?
32:50Well,
32:51now that just
32:52kind of fell out,
32:52didn't it?
32:54Well,
32:54I love you too,
32:55Dee Dee.
32:56Aw,
32:57Kareem.
32:58Oh!
33:00It's you.
33:01It's taking everything
33:02in me not to fuck
33:03you on this floor,
33:04boy.
33:05I thought that was
33:06your brother.
33:07In Christ.
33:10So we're going
33:10to get to that later,
33:11but right now,
33:12we need to go over there
33:13and cheer your sister on
33:15as loud as we can.
33:16Okay,
33:17because you're figuring
33:18the fuck out of my pussy.
33:21So how'd it go?
33:22Did you tell,
33:23Terry?
33:24Mm-mm.
33:25No.
33:26I couldn't find the words.
33:28Dealing with family
33:29is not easy.
33:30You need to tell
33:32that boy the truth
33:33about his father.
33:35A-S-A-P.
33:36And I will.
33:38Now,
33:38why don't you
33:39just mind
33:39your nosy-ass business?
33:41Okay.
33:42Shh.
33:43Here,
33:43why don't you
33:43take this brownie
33:44and go hump a tree?
33:45Oh, no.
33:46I ain't messing
33:46with Shaq no more.
33:47That nigga gave me splinters.
33:49Oh, no.
33:50And you want
33:51to mess with my nephew?
33:55Thank you, Mom.
33:57Mm-hmm.
33:58I know that.
34:00She's a grown-ass woman
34:03and she don't take no stuff.
34:05She's a grown-ass woman
34:07and you can't get enough.
34:09She's a grown-ass woman
34:11but they can't.
34:14She's a grown-ass woman
34:16and it's a mid-batch of mine.
34:27She's a grown-ass woman
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