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00:12My words are lazy, my thoughts are hazy, but this is one thing I'm sure of, everybody needs a best
00:22friend, I'm happy I'm yours.
00:33Man, can't believe we're halfway through senior year. Yeah, time flies when you're stoned 15 hours a day. Everyone sure
00:39has changed since we got here. I mean, Clive's even got a beard now. He looks like Chuck Norris quit
00:44karate and started calling himself Charles Norris. He looks like an admiral who defies a president's order to nuke a
00:50Russian son. He looks like a man of letters who sexually satisfied Barbara Streisand in 1978. You know who hasn't
00:57changed at all? Who?
01:00Me. I'm the same fucking loser I was the day I walked in here. You know, I'm gonna go to
01:04college having never had a girlfriend. How fucking lame is that?
01:07What about Bethany?
01:08No, I'm talking about like a real relationship. Everyone in school's got it figured out, but not me. I'm the
01:13last single guy left. I mean, the jocks have the cheerleaders. Andrew's got poly. Even all the gay kids have
01:19carpal tunnel from giving each other handjobs.
01:21I can't believe Blue Cross covers that. Hey, what about Erin? She's single. And remember, Susan told her she's not
01:28a total bitch.
01:29God, she's so fucking hot. Never happened, though. She doesn't date dorks.
01:33Hey, you never know. Maybe she's sick of guys with lots of confidence, chiseled jaws, and huge dicks.
01:38I'm too nervous to even masturbate to her. I get self-conscious, and I got performance anxiety. Lately, I can
01:44only jerk off to people who are lesser than me.
01:46Who?
01:47A lot of Tammy Faye Baker and homeless women.
01:54What about NYU?
01:56Don't pick nothing too expensive.
01:58Don't worry, Maddie. John's not getting into college.
02:00Hey, why not? I got a 2.6.
02:03Colleges don't just look at your grades. They also consider your extracurricular activities. You have zero.
02:08Oh, my God. John, she's right. It says activities, and then there's eight blank lines.
02:13Who the hell does eight lines worth of stuff?
02:16Tim Allen?
02:16People who actually go to college. I mean, I did debate, newspaper, swimming, volleyball.
02:23But John can't do any of those things. He's just a boy.
02:27I could swim if there's an adult.
02:34There's no way to bullshit ourselves, Susan. We're in real financial trouble here.
02:38Well, you pull us through, Maddie. You always do.
02:41Oh, no, not this time. We're not going to stay above water, let alone pay for college, unless I find
02:47other work.
02:47And you know whose fucking fault it is?
02:49Oh, please don't say it's yours.
02:51Of course not. It's fucking Clinton.
02:53Oh.
02:54Yeah, why is he telling everybody they should go to college, anyhow?
02:57Like, I want to blow 25 grand so my son can turn gay?
03:00It should be cheaper to do that.
03:02I always thought John could get a job or get drafted, like I did, but there aren't even any good
03:07wars.
03:07This whole thing's my fault. I've been spending like a society girl, getting all my oil from Olay. I can
03:15find cheaper sources.
03:17No, don't ever say that. You deserve the best skin care that Filene's basement can offer.
03:22I'll find a job to pull us through to spring.
03:27I saw a deer today.
03:29I don't want to get involved.
03:38Jesus Christ, this is what it takes to get into college? These all look fucking awful.
03:42Math club?
03:43No.
03:43Lacrosse?
03:44No.
03:44Soccer?
03:45No.
03:45Astronomy?
03:46No.
03:46Did the Holocaust happen?
03:47No.
03:48Oh, wait, no!
03:48Nah, too late!
03:49No, no, man, fuck me.
03:50Too late, too late. You're a monster, I'm telling everybody.
03:52Fuck you.
03:53Oh, hey, look at this. Audition for Camelots. A royal delight.
03:57Huh. What do you think?
03:59Well, if I try out, would you audition with me?
04:01Sure.
04:02How hard could acting be? I mean, John Travolta does it.
04:04Skeet Ulrich makes a living at it.
04:06There's no way Tom Arnold does something we can't do.
04:08Matt LeBlanc seems to get by.
04:09Someone's paying Kevin Costner.
04:11Christian Slater sticks around.
04:12There's always plenty of Charlie Sheen.
04:13Greg T. Nelson owns a house from acting.
04:15I can act.
04:16You can act.
04:21So, are you familiar with this location?
04:24Yeah. My dad died in here.
04:26Oh, sweet.
04:27So, why do you think you're qualified to work in a fast-paced environment with real growth opportunities like Dunkin'
04:33Donuts?
04:33I eat donuts, and I know what coffee is.
04:36That's basically it.
04:37Welcome to the team.
04:38It's $4.25 an hour plus tips.
04:40Do a lot of people give tips?
04:41It's never happened once, but it might.
04:44I should get you a shirt.
04:47Jesus Christ, I gotta wear pink?
04:49Everybody does.
04:50Tell the cops no who not to shoot if anything goes down.
04:53Ah, we got Amadi.
04:55That's close enough.
05:00Tell me how am I supposed to live without you?
05:08Now that I've been loving you so long, how am I supposed to live without you?
05:21Okay.
05:22Okay.
05:23Thank you, Kenneth.
05:25I think that's plenty.
05:27You can go.
05:29Oh, well, are you leaning one way or the other in regards to my inclusion in the play?
05:34Cast list goes up on one day.
05:36Okay.
05:38Poor Kenneth.
05:39He auditions for the play every year, and he never gets cast.
05:42Yeah, I overheard Principal Bernard saying they're worried about his long-term self-esteem,
05:46and they may have to shoot him.
05:47Well, it's better than letting him suffer.
05:49Yeah.
05:50Hey, Johnny, look!
05:55Holy shit, it's Aaron.
05:58Kiss today goodbye
06:03The sweetness and the sorrow
06:06Fuck, she sounds really great.
06:09And she's pretty, so it means more.
06:10Wish me luck the same to you
06:21Won't forget, can't regret what I did
06:26Hey, Teddy, if Aaron and I were both in the play, then I would get to spend every day with
06:31her.
06:34Aaron, that was lovely.
06:40Okay, John Benet.
06:43Oh, it's, um, it's Bennett.
06:45Of course.
06:45Sorry, I spent the summer in Paris.
06:48Come on up.
06:49All right, buddy, go fuck him up.
06:54Okay.
06:56I will be performing the Not Without My Daughter scene from Not Without My Daughter.
07:04Not Without My Daughter!
07:09Okay, thank you.
07:12Next, uh, Ted.
07:19Good job, man.
07:20That was powerful.
07:24Hi, uh, Ted Bennett, two feet, five inches.
07:27I am locally based, SAG eligible, and I will not shave.
07:30Okay, I will be performing the theme from the Gummy Bears.
07:37Dashing and daring, courageous and caring, faithful and friendly with stories to share.
07:44All through the forest, they sing out in chorus, marching along as their song fills the air.
07:51Gummy bears
07:53Bouncing here and there and everywhere
07:56High adventure that's beyond compare
07:59They are the gummy bears
08:03They are the gummy bears
08:06Thank you very much.
08:12I have a question.
08:14Have either one of you ever seen a play before?
08:16No.
08:17No, we have not.
08:22Well, how much longer do you think it'll be?
08:24I don't know. He said 10 a.m.
08:26Well, maybe we just leave and come back later.
08:28Nah, this way we can beat the crowd.
08:29Ah, Johnny, look.
08:35Okay, let's check it out.
08:36Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
08:38What?
08:39Football jocks.
08:41Oh, shit.
08:42What do we do?
08:43All right, all right, here's what we do.
08:45We walk by casually and we check the list without stopping.
08:48Okay, good plan.
08:49Here we go.
08:57God, number one.
08:58God, number two.
08:59Hey, they're in the play.
09:01Get them.
09:01Oh, shit.
09:04Shit.
09:06Oh, my God.
09:07Oh, man, are they gonna get it?
09:09So can you understand why what you did was wrong?
09:12I guess.
09:14I mean, I'm still struggling to understand how our involvement in the play affects you.
09:18Well, it's just when you're public about it, and I see you doing something like checking the cast list, it
09:23puts me in a position where I have to act.
09:25Where you have to come beat us up.
09:27Exactly.
09:28To see students involved in the arts is just really kind of a non-starter for me.
09:31It makes me uncomfortable.
09:33All of us.
09:33Really, really, really.
09:34We're all uncomfortable.
09:35And I just feel like school should be a non-threatening environment, and we should feel safe.
09:40And our participation in the play makes you feel unsafe.
09:43Deeply.
09:44I mean, that's all I'm saying.
09:45And I just don't think that's fair.
09:47Guess when you put it that way...
09:48We were wrong.
09:49We were wrong, yeah.
09:50I apologize.
09:51Yeah, me too.
09:52The last thing we want to do is make anyone feel uncomfortable.
09:54Okay, well, thank you for understanding.
09:57Oh, no, God, don't mention it.
09:58I've had this go so many different ways.
10:00I've had to beat up so many people with so many diverse interests.
10:03Oh, listen, we do not want to add to your already full plate, really.
10:06I appreciate that.
10:07We'll be more discreet.
10:09Really.
10:10Okay, you have a good day now.
10:11You too.
10:12Thanks.
10:12And stay dry.
10:13Looks like we might get some drizzle.
10:15We will.
10:15Thanks so much.
10:18This school is so fucking weird.
10:21Sorry, I forgot.
10:22Oh!
10:31Today we've been talking with some people who say they are all that,
10:34even though their friends disagree and say they're just crap.
10:38Oh, my goodness.
10:39Yes.
10:42Look at this check.
10:44Would you?
10:44Huh?
10:45You fucking believe it?
10:46I worked 40 hours this week.
10:48You know, this Dunkin' money is only half of what we need to get by.
10:51And we ain't taking any fucking handouts.
10:53Maybe I could get a job, too.
10:56Maybe I could get a job, too.
10:56You?
10:57Who's going to make dinner?
10:58Well, I'd still cook dinner.
11:00Who's going to do the laundry?
11:01Well, I would.
11:02Who's going to vacuum?
11:04Me.
11:05Well, as long as we're still splitting everything equally, then sure.
11:07Do they need any more help at the Dunkin' Donuts?
11:10They still got the sign-up.
11:11Well, maybe I could be your little helper.
11:14You and me, side by side.
11:17Making the donuts and the coffee be so romantic.
11:22Yeah, great.
11:23Hey, do me a favor and boil a paperclip.
11:24I got a wart on my toe.
11:34No, no, no, no.
11:36Lancelot, Guinevere.
11:37You two are supposed to be in love, okay?
11:38I'm not feeling any passion here.
11:40Okay, sorry.
11:41She's giving me absolutely nothing.
11:43Excuse me?
11:44I'm literally pouring my guts out in this scene.
11:46Oh, that's what that smell was.
11:48Fuck you.
11:49Okay, okay.
11:50Let's do some basic warm-up exercises here.
11:53We'll clear our heads.
11:55Uh, Aaron, I thought you were great.
11:57Oh, thanks.
11:58I feel so much better now.
12:00Hey, it's pretty cool that we get to work together for the next few weeks, huh?
12:03Let me nip this in the bud right now.
12:05Not interested in whatever it is that you're trying to get going here.
12:08So just stay out of my way, guard number one or two or whatever.
12:12He's number one.
12:13I'm number two.
12:14Also, speaking of number two, sorry again about that time I shit all over you in class.
12:19Fuck off, Bear.
12:20Okay, Aaron, Nathan, let's try a repetition exercise, okay?
12:24We'll start with something simple, maybe.
12:27I like your shirt.
12:28Say that back and forth to each other.
12:30See if you can generate any emotion.
12:33I like your shirt.
12:35I like your shirt.
12:36I like your shirt.
12:37It's Ralph Lauren.
12:38No.
12:39No, that's not how it's done.
12:41Look, someone else try.
12:42John, Ted, our two guards.
12:43You guys go.
12:44This ought to be good.
12:45I don't...
12:47Uh, okay.
12:49I like your shirt.
12:50I like your shirt.
12:52I love your shirt.
12:53I fucking lied.
12:54I hate your shirt.
12:55You hate my shirt?
12:56Fuck you.
12:56Fuck you and your fucking shirt.
12:58Don't talk about my shirt.
12:59I'll fucking kill you, motherfucker.
13:00I'll fucking kill you and fuck your shirt, you piece of shit.
13:03Fuck you.
13:07Aren't you gonna...
13:08I'll use your shirt to choke you out like a bitch.
13:12I'll strangle you and the whole fucking family.
13:14I'll fucking use your baby son as a club to beat your fucking mother.
13:18I never knew my mother.
13:23You never knew your mother?
13:26No.
13:27I never knew my mother.
13:30Or any of my aunts.
13:32Oh, Sidney, I'm so sorry.
13:35I had no idea.
13:36His name was Sidney in the exercise.
13:41Now that, that is acting.
13:44I'm not even wearing a shirt.
13:45Okay, everybody, let's take five.
13:47I gotta go over some notes with the stage crew.
13:51Hey.
13:52Hey.
13:53That was actually good.
13:55You and Ted just did.
13:58How, um...
14:00How'd you do that?
14:01Oh, well, I watch a lot of movies.
14:03And I figure that all acting's basically just yelling, whispering, or crying.
14:08So I just picked one of those three things before I said anything.
14:11Huh.
14:12That actually might work.
14:14Thanks, John.
14:19What a fucking cut, right?
14:21Hey, should we start a massage train?
14:31Okay, Susan, I'm going to show you our employee orientation video.
14:35Oh, I'm so excited.
14:37I haven't seen a movie in 17 years.
14:40All right.
14:49Here's your fresh dozen.
14:51Thanks for coming to Dunkin' Donuts.
14:54Smells delicious.
14:58Hi, and welcome to the Dunkin' Donuts family.
15:02At Dunkin' Donuts, the customer always comes first.
15:06There are Dunkin' Do's and Dunkin' Donuts.
15:09Let's look at a typical situation.
15:12Hello.
15:13I'd like a dozen of the chocolate glazed donuts.
15:16We're out of those.
15:18Also, my shift just ended.
15:22Go.
15:27I'm not sure that customer will ever want to come back again.
15:31Now, let's look at the right way to handle the question.
15:35Hello.
15:36I'd like a dozen of the chocolate glazed donuts.
15:38Good choice.
15:39You picked one of my favorites.
15:40I'll get them boxed and ready right away.
15:43Also, can I suck your cock for you?
15:45Oh, goddammit.
15:46Sorry.
15:47Sorry.
15:47That was clearly a Jeffrey prank.
15:50He was fired last month.
15:51But actually, everything before the cock thing was correct.
15:54So, look.
15:55Just be nice to the customers and greet them with a smile.
15:58Can you do that?
15:58Oh, I love smiling.
16:00I'm always looking for new things and people to smile at.
16:04Jesus Christ.
16:05Maddie, let's see your best customer smile.
16:10Isn't this exciting?
16:12You and me, side by side, bringing donuts to the people?
16:17You should know.
16:18There's a guy with a hole in his cheek.
16:19Comes in every morning.
16:20Just puts the donut right in.
16:22It's horrible to watch.
16:23Oh, my.
16:31That we may love once more.
16:43And here we'll do the big kissies.
16:45But let's wait until the actual show.
16:46We don't want to waste the chemistry.
16:48Guard number one, what are you doing?
16:49You're too far down stage.
16:51Oh.
16:51Uh, right.
16:53Um, Guinevere is married to King Arthur.
16:56So, I figure as guard number one, I'm probably not too happy about Lancelot hitting on her.
17:00So, I'm up here getting ready to, you know, defend the state or whatever.
17:03Yeah, no, step back onto your mark.
17:05Wait, actually, I like that what he said.
17:07At least somebody's treating me like royalty.
17:09Honey, you think you're all that, but you're just crap.
17:12Hey, that's a fucking queen, pal.
17:14Listen, I gotta rehearse some sword play with Arthur.
17:17Okay, go.
17:17We'll move on to the Mordred scene.
17:22You know, you're the only one in this play who's actually giving me anything to work with.
17:25Really?
17:26Yeah, it's funny.
17:28Whenever I want to get into character, I just look at you, because you're staring at me all wide-eyed.
17:32Oh, uh, sorry if I'm being creepy.
17:36Believe it or not, it's helping.
17:37Makes me feel like an actual queen.
17:39Well, that, uh, that makes sense then, because you are kind of like the queen of the school.
17:45Do you want to run lines with me after rehearsal?
17:47I have a few scenes I'm shaky on, and Nathan's always trying on wigs.
17:51Yeah.
17:52Yeah, definitely, for sure.
17:55Cool.
17:55I live to serve, m'lady.
18:05So, Lancelot and Arthur are fucking.
18:07I saw them wiping their dicks on the velvet curtain.
18:09You want to go get burgers?
18:17Okay.
18:18Everybody, gather around.
18:19I've got huge news.
18:20Are the pumpkin munchkins coming back?
18:22No.
18:22Those were a complete disaster, and they got a lot of people fired.
18:25What is happening is President Clinton is visiting Framingham next week, and he'll be stopping
18:30by this store.
18:31What?
18:31The news is going to be here, too.
18:33So, uh, Yorgos, if you could look American, that'd be great, buddy.
18:37Holy shit!
18:42This is going to be the best fucking day of my life.
18:45I thought you hated the president.
18:46Don't you see, Susan?
18:48This is going to be my chance to rip that fucking shithead, a new asshole, with the whole
18:52world watching.
18:53Remember when that happened to me when I had John?
18:55This is a great fucking day for America!
18:58At least I got to ride in a helicopter.
19:00All right, pal, what'll it be?
19:02Can I get a powdered donut and a tea?
19:04I'm not making tea for a guy.
19:09Come away with me, Guinevere.
19:12Surely you know I can't.
19:14And because you can't, you shan't?
19:17I have taken an oath before God to be with Arthur.
19:21Then shan't I near see you air?
19:24No.
19:26Farewell forever, my fair, my fair Lancelot.
19:33Wow, that was so good!
19:34Really?
19:35Oh my God, you guys, that was great!
19:37That was like a Folgers commercial!
19:39Cool!
19:40So, are you excited about the show?
19:43It's only a week away.
19:44Well, yeah, I guess, but you're the one with the big starring role.
19:47Yeah, me and Johnny just gotta stand there.
19:49Our whole job is to just not poop for those two hours.
19:54But, uh, what about you?
19:55I mean, I never pegged you as a theater girl.
19:57Well, being the cheerleader and all.
19:59Secrets out.
20:00I really want to be an actress.
20:02In fact, my dad is paying a video guy 500 bucks to tape the show for my Emerson application.
20:07No pressure, right?
20:09Wow, that actually sounds like a lot of pressure.
20:11I hope you don't blow it all with one small mistake.
20:15Well, hey, if you need to be reminded that you're a queen up there, you just look at me.
20:19I got you.
20:20Thanks, John.
20:21John, I need to measure you for your armor.
20:24Oh, yeah, all right.
20:26Hey, um, do you want to hang out after the show?
20:30We could celebrate or drown our sorrows, depending on the reviews.
20:35I think I might be free.
20:37He has no plans ever.
20:38He'll do it.
20:39Great.
20:40See you then.
20:44Holy shit, John, you just got a date with the hottest girl in school.
20:47Yeah, I guess I did.
20:49The humiliation of being a nobody is finally over.
20:52Hey, I need the smallest codpiece we have for John.
20:56What about the extra, extra, extra small ones?
20:59No, those are still too big.
21:01Call the company and see if they can specially make a smaller codpiece than they've ever made before.
21:06For John.
21:07It's all right, no one even knows which John he's talking about.
21:10For John Bennett of 48 Clifford Lane, who has an extremely small crotch measurement.
21:18I hate the crew.
21:33Matty, is everything okay?
21:35Yeah, why?
21:35Because you're not screaming.
21:38That's because today is the day I finally stick it up the ass of your president, Slick Willy.
21:43You're going to do anal to Bill Clinton?
21:45You're goddamn right I am.
21:47I'm going to say, hey, thanks for creating so many new jobs, because now I got two of them.
21:52Cool.
21:52I saw the political cartoon you stole that from.
21:55Then I'm going to tell him, I'm going to say, see you on the unemployment line, asshole.
21:58Because now that we've got NAFTA, we can hire a Mexican president for 60% off.
22:03Why would you be on the unemployment line?
22:05You just said you have two jobs.
22:07It's only for the first joke.
22:08And then when he's walking off with his tail between his legs, I'm going to go, I'm going to go,
22:12hey, what am I, the draft?
22:13Because you're dodging me.
22:16What about you, Aunt Suze?
22:17Are you excited to meet the president?
22:19I'm more excited about my baby's first big show this Friday.
22:23It's not that big a deal, Ma.
22:25We don't have any lines.
22:26I don't think the audience is even going to notice us.
22:28Still, you're so brave to get up there with all those eyes staring at you.
22:32What do you mean?
22:33Well, if I had 500 people watching me, I'd be terrified.
22:38I don't know how the cast of Nonsense does it every night.
22:41500?
22:42Oh, at least.
22:43All at the same time.
22:45Oh, honey, the whole town's coming.
22:47I've told everybody.
22:48My baby, the Broadway star.
22:53Oh, Maddie, maybe I'll get my tap shoes out tonight.
22:56I threw them away.
23:05Remember to say, Dunkin' Donuts just off the Mass Pike.
23:08Don't you worry.
23:10I know exactly what I'm going to say.
23:13POTUS is on the move.
23:15Please only let the president have one donut.
23:19Maddie, isn't this exciting?
23:21Oh, my goodness.
23:22Here he comes.
23:23Well, hi there.
23:25Thanks for letting me visit with you this afternoon.
23:28Welcome to Dunkin' Donuts, Mr. President.
23:30Why, you must be Miss Massachusetts.
23:33Oh, dear.
23:35Oh.
23:36I have to pee.
23:39Well, gosh, what should I order?
23:41Let's see, everything looks good.
23:43Any recommendations?
23:44Yeah.
23:46I recommend you do a better job.
23:50Pardon?
23:51You're not doing a very good job.
23:54And, yeah.
23:56Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.
23:58I'd love to know your thoughts.
23:59Well, the...
24:02Your economy is bad.
24:05Well, I feel your pain.
24:07And I want to hear your grievances.
24:09Listen, would you folks mind giving us a few minutes to talk?
24:12I think he's a little nervous.
24:13Of course, sir.
24:14We'll be right outside.
24:16Now, tell me what you're feeling.
24:19I think you stink.
24:21And you're doing a garbage job.
24:23Really?
24:24Yeah.
24:26Well, listen here, you pockmarked piece of shit.
24:28You got some set of fucking balls.
24:29I take time out of my day to visit your little shit shop, and you're giving me lip?
24:33Maybe the real problem is you're just a fucking loser.
24:36But fuck you.
24:37Think you're so fucking tough with your fucking shitbag mouth.
24:39Why don't you take a swing at me, tough guy?
24:41I'll slap you back so hard you won't even recognize your own fucking dick.
24:44Um...
24:45Get a shave, you pig.
24:46Fucking president's here.
24:47Now, listen, throw some fucking munchkins in a bag, give me a cup of coffee, and shake
24:51my hand and smile to the window so people know we're having a good fucking time.
24:55Go.
25:03That's right.
25:04Keep smiling, you fucking dog's vagina.
25:07All right.
25:07They got it.
25:12Coffee's cold, asshole.
25:20I meet president, but still not Courtney Cox?
25:23What the fuck?
25:28Fuck, fuck, fuck, dude.
25:30The play is in two hours.
25:31I can't do this.
25:32Yes, you can.
25:32It's gonna go great.
25:33Why did mom have to get into my fucking head?
25:36Hundreds of people watching.
25:37I can't go up there.
25:38I'm gonna panic.
25:39Well, we can always bail.
25:39Yes.
25:41No, no, dude, we can't bail.
25:43Erin is never gonna go out with me, and she's gonna hate me for the rest of my life.
25:46I mean, you heard her, they're taping the show for a college application.
25:50I got an idea.
25:51I want you to be the girl with the most cake.
25:59He only loves those things because he loves you.
26:01Whoa, dude.
26:03Ever heard of knocking?
26:04Blair, we need your help.
26:05Aren't you guys supposed to be getting ready for your play?
26:07Yeah, well, Johnny's having some trouble.
26:09He needs a little, uh, something.
26:11You got anything mellow?
26:12I thought we already established I am not your dealer.
26:15Come on, Blair.
26:16Me and Johnny are smoked out.
26:17The cupboard is bare.
26:18Blair, please.
26:19I can't do it.
26:20I can't go out on that stage, all right?
26:21I am too scared.
26:23Please.
26:23I'm begging you.
26:25Okay.
26:26You're in luck.
26:28Paige made these brownies super mellow.
26:31Inedible?
26:32Yeah, I took one, like, 30 minutes ago, and I just feel super chill and focused.
26:36Take one right before you go on stage, and you'll float through the play.
26:39Thank you, Blair.
26:40Yeah, it's easy to lose sight of, but drugs are always the solution.
26:43So, we'll see you at the play?
26:45Absolutely not.
26:52All right, you ready?
26:53Here we go.
26:54Yeah, we're eating a brownie, not going to the fucking moon.
26:56Calm down.
27:01Hey, John.
27:03Aaron.
27:05Wow.
27:06You look amazing.
27:07Thanks, you too.
27:09I'll see you out there.
27:10Remember, you're my rock.
27:20Big audience.
27:21Yeah, who cares?
27:22By the time we get out there, we're going to be chill as fuck.
27:25John?
27:25You have a phone call?
27:28Hello?
27:29Guys, do not eat those brownies.
27:32What?
27:32They're laced with shrooms or some shit.
27:34I'm in fucking hell right now.
27:36What's wrong?
27:36She says not to eat the brownies.
27:38What?
27:38We already did.
27:39Oh, God.
27:41Oh, God.
27:42No.
27:42Oh, God.
27:43What's happening to you?
27:44I have to kill myself as a 500-year-old woman.
27:46Fuck.
27:47I can't talk.
27:48When I'm 500, I have to die.
27:50She's freaking out.
27:51What do we do?
27:52Oh, shit.
27:53What the fuck do we do?
27:54We gotta throw up.
27:57I don't know how girls do this all the time.
27:59It's impossible.
28:00I have no gag reflex.
28:02Please don't let that get out.
28:07Hey, Matty.
28:08I saw you on the news.
28:11Yeah?
28:12I gotta ask you.
28:13What did you say to the president?
28:16I called him a lion piece of shit,
28:18and he almost cried.
28:21Yeah.
28:21And then I threw a coffee at him.
28:24Really?
28:24Yeah.
28:26I won.
28:28I like that Dunkin' Donuts.
28:29I saw Courtney Cox there once.
28:31Oh, you need to be joking me.
28:34Fuck, Teddy.
28:35We got ticket time bombs in our stomachs.
28:37Okay, let's just calm down here.
28:39How do you feel now?
28:41Right now I actually feel fine.
28:43Me too.
28:44Maybe Blair just can't handle her pot.
28:46Yeah.
28:47Oh, God.
28:48Yeah, that's what it is.
28:48She's a lightweight.
28:49Not like us.
28:50We're fucking pot experts.
28:52Yeah, maybe it won't hit us as hard.
28:54Guards, 30 seconds.
28:55You're on.
28:59Oh, fuck.
29:01Dear Guinevere, your beauty is intoxicating.
29:05You mustn't say such things within the castle walls.
29:08I cannot withhold my feelings.
29:09I believe I'm falling in love with you.
29:12My darling Lancelot, lower your voice.
29:14The guards will hear you.
29:18The guards will hear you.
29:19I say, the guards will hear you.
29:31Everyone's staring at us.
29:33So many eyes.
29:37I don't know who's in the play anymore.
29:40I think the people not sitting in chairs are in the play.
29:43They're going to know, Teddy.
29:45Everyone's watching us.
29:46They're all going to know we're on drugs.
29:47No, they're not.
29:48Nobody's going to know we're on drugs.
29:50Oh, I'm sure they will.
29:51They're going to know we're on drugs.
29:53No, not if we keep our voices down and whisper like we're doing right now.
29:56What an interesting plot twist.
30:01Lancelot, it isn't politic for us to carry on in this fashion.
30:06Line?
30:06You don't have any lines.
30:08Okay, then I'll improvise.
30:09Alf, you can't eat the cat.
30:11It's Christmas.
30:15Jesus fucking Christ, are you pissing?
30:18It's too much pressure.
30:20I don't want to grow up.
30:21He's just a boy, everyone.
30:23What the fuck are you doing?
30:24There is a demon in my butthole, okay?
30:30Line.
30:36I mean, could have been worse.
30:38We didn't die.
30:43Aaron, fuck you, John.
30:45Aaron, wait, please.
30:46I'm so sorry.
30:46Me and Teddy, we got fed some bad brownies and I fucking messed up, okay?
30:50What we felt in those rehearsals, that was real, wasn't it?
30:54I mean, it was for me.
30:56Are you fucking insane?
30:57You just completely and massively fucked me over.
30:59Maybe we could talk about it down to friendlies?
31:04I would literally rather have prison sex with Jeffrey Dahmer.
31:08Goodbye, John.
31:09And fuck you, Ted.
31:16You know, there's like a 10% chance we're still on stage.
31:25Activities did play.
31:29Nice.
31:37Oh, you've got a head full of someone dreadful
31:42And yet, alas, that someone adores you
31:47Everybody needs a best friend
31:50I'm happy I'm yours
31:53I'm just a clown
31:56And I'll bring you down
32:00But you just don't care for yours
32:06Best friend is me
32:30I'm your queen
32:33You're welcome
32:36To be continued
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