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00:12My words are lazy, my thoughts are hazy, but this is one thing I'm sure of, everybody needs a best
00:22friend, I'm happy I'm yours.
00:31Is there someone present in this house? Is there a spirit here?
00:39I just want to point out, you got a fucking talking teddy bear here, a ghost ain't that big a
00:43deal.
00:44Shh, quiet. Will you answer our questions?
00:49How many times a day does Johnny jerk off?
00:52Fuck you, man.
00:56Eighty-seven?
00:57Well, hang on, it's heading for the zero.
00:59Alright, fuck this, this is bullshit.
01:00He said storming off to masturbate.
01:03Whoa, hey, Blair, what's all that?
01:05Oh, just some booze for my birthday party tomorrow night.
01:08That's a lot of alcohol.
01:09Yeah, well, you know, college crowd.
01:11Hey, Blair, you think maybe me and Teddy could steal a couple beers?
01:14Oh, yeah!
01:15Aha! Hilarious. No.
01:18Oh, come on, we'll wait until Mom and Dad are asleep to drink them, and we'll do it all in
01:22our room so no one will know.
01:23The ghosts will know.
01:24The ghosts have seen my asshole. Why do I care if they see me drink a beer?
01:28Why, why just show them your asshole?
01:30They asked.
01:31Sometimes I use the board when you guys aren't around.
01:40Happy birthday to you.
01:43Happy birthday, Blair. Blow out your candles.
01:47Oh, for God's sakes, do you have to do this every fucking year?
01:50It's his birthday too, dammit!
01:52I'm sorry, Blair. Maddie insisted.
01:55You have the same birthday as Reagan?
01:57Yes, and I don't need to be constantly fucking reminded of it.
02:00Hey, watch your mouth. You're talking about the greatest fucking president this country's ever had.
02:04Doesn't mean you need to leave an empty seat for him every year like he's fucking Elijah the prophet.
02:08It's like the ghost is sitting there.
02:10What ghost?
02:11Blair has a Ouija board, and we were talking to a ghost, and it watches Johnny jerk off, and he
02:15showed it his butthole.
02:16Blair, I don't like having a Ouija board in this house. We're church-going people.
02:21Okay, listen, thank you so much for the cake. Really, I do appreciate it.
02:27I'll have some of it later, but for now, me and Sarah are gonna go up and get ready for
02:31the party.
02:31Okay.
02:32Just keep the noise down, huh?
02:33Oh, come on, Maddie. It's her birthday.
02:37Hey, hey, hey, don't sit! That's for Reagan!
02:41That's for Reagan!
03:03Oh, man, these chicks are so hot.
03:07Oh, God.
03:09Shouldn't her vagina be starting?
03:11Huh?
03:12She's pulling way down there. It should be starting. There's nothing there.
03:15Oh, yeah, look at that.
03:16I'm gonna write a letter to these bums.
03:20Dear Sports Illustrated, the woman on page 64 has no vagina. You have got some nerve.
03:27I have drawn a sketch to indicate what I feel we are owed. Sincerely, Jason Bateman.
03:33Oh, man, this sucks. I'm 17 years old, it's Friday night, and there's beer in my house, and I can't
03:40get to it.
03:40Hey, you know, I could probably go get some.
03:43How?
03:44Well, that room's probably packed with people. Nobody's gonna notice a guy my size slipping in and slipping out.
03:49You really think you can do it?
03:50Does Magic Johnson have AIDS?
03:52What the fuck?
03:53What?
03:54What the fuck kind of response is that?
03:56What? I'm saying yes.
03:57Then just say yes.
03:58I did.
03:59No, you didn't. You said, does Magic Johnson have AIDS?
04:01I never said that.
04:02You literally just said it.
04:03Okay, I did, but you laughed.
04:04No, I didn't.
04:06I feel like we're growing apart.
04:12Jesus Christ! Would you listen to that?
04:15Sounds like they're having a goddamn orgy.
04:17I think it's pronounced orgy.
04:20No, no, you're thinking of orijami.
04:23What's that?
04:24That's that thing where the Japanese fuck around with paper.
04:28Keep it down!
04:29Oh, they're just having fun.
04:32Remember when we were her age?
04:34Yeah.
04:35We go to party.
04:36No, that was different.
04:37We were doing the twist.
04:39These degenerates are doing the lombata.
04:41Oh, but Maddie.
04:42It's forbidden, Susan.
04:43We were young and passionate.
04:47Did you ever miss it, even just a little?
04:49No.
04:52Maddie?
04:53What?
04:54Do you love me?
04:56What the hell kind of question is that, Susan?
04:58Of course I do.
05:00It's just...
05:01I never know what you're feeling anymore.
05:04I feel fine.
05:06But you like your life?
05:08With me?
05:09Yeah.
05:10It's okay to share your feelings.
05:12Jesus Christ, Susan.
05:13I'm just trying to read here.
05:17Are your stools any better?
05:19Fucking awful.
05:20It's just piles of eyebrows for three days.
05:23Oh, I'm sorry.
05:25You know what?
05:26I'm gonna try and coax one out right now.
05:36Oh, Christ.
05:38Susan!
05:38Call the doctor!
05:40Ask why diarrhea would be white!
05:48Um, so?
05:49What did your parents say?
05:52Um...
05:53Nothing.
05:54I didn't tell them.
05:56Are you fucking kidding me, Sarah?
05:58We talked about this.
05:59I know.
06:00I know.
06:00I'm sorry.
06:01This was the only thing I wanted for my birthday.
06:04Blair, they're just not ready.
06:06Okay?
06:06We'd be saving ourselves.
06:09You are such a hypocrite.
06:10You sat in that bed right there and gave me shit for not telling Maddie and Susan.
06:15Well, maybe I was fucking wrong.
06:17Maybe it wasn't a good idea.
06:19No, no.
06:19It was.
06:20And I did it.
06:22And, yeah.
06:23It was fucking hard as shit, but I did it.
06:26And eventually, they understood.
06:28And so will your parents.
06:29No.
06:30It's different.
06:31That's so not fair.
06:32Blair, I'm just protecting us.
06:34No, I don't need your fucking protection, okay?
06:37I put myself out there in front of my family for you.
06:41And I deserve that same respect.
06:43It's not the right time.
06:47Fuck you, then.
06:49Excuse me?
06:50I'm sorry.
06:51No.
06:52It's fine.
06:53I'll see you later.
06:54No.
06:55Sarah, wait.
06:56Happy birthday.
07:01Fuck.
07:07Ah, fuck.
07:10Hey.
07:12You okay?
07:13What the fuck are you doing here?
07:14I'm a pot smoking teddy bear who was told he couldn't have beer, so I'm stealing beer.
07:19Whatever.
07:20Do whatever the fuck you want.
07:22You where?
07:23I got one.
07:23You want one?
07:25Thanks.
07:40It's like she thinks the rules are different for her than they are for me.
07:44Totally.
07:45You know what I mean?
07:46It's like I took shit from a talking dump truck for her.
07:50Yup.
07:50You know, I almost alienated my whole family because I loved her.
07:55You know?
07:55Now she wants to play it safe that it's fucking flipped.
07:58Love is a two-way street.
08:00And she doesn't get that.
08:02Exactly.
08:03I mean, what the fuck?
08:05Love is a battlefield.
08:06Yes.
08:07Right?
08:07Holy shit, wait.
08:08Who the fuck?
08:09Who thought of that?
08:10I did.
08:11Did you think of that?
08:12I write poetry on the side.
08:14We are young and no one can tell us we're wrong.
08:17Jesus.
08:19That's fucking word art, man.
08:21Listen, you gotta do what you think is the rightest for you.
08:25And if she knows what she's got, then she's gotta get in it.
08:30Yes?
08:30Cause you're cool.
08:32Oh, fuck you.
08:33You're cool.
08:34Listen, you listen to your pal Ted, cause he's got your back.
08:48Am I lesbian now?
08:50Okay.
08:51I'm going to bed.
08:53Me too.
09:28Ted.
09:29Ted.
09:35Ah, Jesus.
09:38I kissed you.
09:40Yeah?
09:41I was drunk.
09:42Yeah.
09:42My head was all fucked up.
09:44Yeah.
09:45Please forget this ever happened till the day you die.
09:47Oh, thank God.
09:48I thought you were going to make me marry you.
09:50Hey, you got a shirt?
09:51It's kind of cold this morning.
09:52Yeah.
09:58Also, I borrowed a pair of shoes and a handbag from Aunt Sue's.
10:01Could you take them and bring them back to her?
10:03Sure.
10:04Don't be humiliated.
10:06You can do this.
10:07You are a strong, independent-
10:09Ted!
10:09Oh, hey, Mrs. Fetchco.
10:12Are you okay?
10:13I-I'm fine, thank you.
10:16Well, you look like a whore.
10:27Where the hell have you been?
10:29Oh, I don't want to talk right now.
10:31I just want to sleep.
10:32I waited up all night for you.
10:33Well, could we please just-
10:34We were supposed to drink beer.
10:35You never came back with the beer.
10:37Things got, uh, out of hand.
10:40Oh, what things?
10:41And why do you got lipstick all over your face?
10:43Did you hook up with somebody?
10:45I-I-fucked me.
10:48I fucked Mrs. Fetchco.
10:49What?
10:50I fucked Mrs. Fetchco.
10:51Okay, you happy?
10:52You fucked Mrs. Fetchco?
10:54She invited me in because she had way too much potato salad and she was panicking.
10:57Next thing I know, she's taking her teeth out.
10:59No way.
11:00Johnny, I swear.
11:02Okay.
11:02Well, how was it?
11:03Ah, she was amazing.
11:04Nothing was off the table.
11:06Arabian goggles, dirty trombone, rusty trombone.
11:09There were so many trombones, I thought I was in the Glenn Miller Orchestra.
11:11Holy shit, that's amazing.
11:14Does she have a friend?
11:16Huh?
11:16Yeah.
11:16Like, for me.
11:17Like, maybe we could double date.
11:18Oh, yeah.
11:19John, you don't want to worry.
11:20Teddy, I have struck out with every girl in school.
11:23But maybe there's somebody out there who's older, sure.
11:27But lonely.
11:28Just like me.
11:29And I could give her my heart.
11:31And she could school me in the ancient art of making whoopee.
11:34You sure?
11:36Teddy.
11:37Society may not see older women as useful or sexy or even human.
11:42But John Bennett does.
11:44John Bennett's not afraid to rub your back with Bengay.
11:48Yeah.
11:49John Bennett's not afraid to blow his load on a bowl of butterscotch candy.
11:53John Bennett's not afraid to finger bang you while you watch the people's court.
11:56John Bennett's not afraid to hear your moans of pleasure and or arthritic pain.
12:01John Bennett's not afraid to talk dirty twice as loud as my normal speaking voice.
12:05John Bennett's not afraid to do the same role play for five days in a row because you keep forgetting
12:10we did it already.
12:11John Bennett's not afraid to fuck you while staring at a black and white photograph of your son who died
12:15in the war.
12:16Okay, yeah, that's the one.
12:25Leah, what's all this?
12:26You can take this out with the trash.
12:28I'm never drinking again.
12:35Maddie, did you notice your bacon and eggs were shaped like a smiley face?
12:39Yup.
12:41Do you like it?
12:42Susan, I don't need my breakfast to be having a better day than I am.
12:47Alright, I'm gonna go to the hardware store.
12:53Alright.
13:33You were, for a while then, during your twenties and your single days over the internet, you were easy, as
13:38we would have said.
13:39Younger than that, actually.
13:40That was the problem.
13:41Yeah, absolutely.
13:41In your teenage years?
13:42Yeah.
13:43Yeah.
13:43Just so you would walk into a crowded room and head right for the guy that would make you the
13:47worst-
13:47Was it...
13:49Me?
13:58Hey.
14:00Hey.
14:00Hi.
14:01Can I come in?
14:11Listen.
14:12I'm sorry about last night.
14:16I didn't mean for things to get so nasty.
14:23Me neither.
14:24And I'm sorry about the fuck you.
14:27It's okay.
14:29I slept on it and...
14:32I understand why you were upset.
14:36I...
14:36I guess I was using sort of a double standard.
14:40I don't know.
14:41I guess...
14:42I just didn't want to deal with the stress.
14:45But...
14:45That wasn't fair to you.
14:47And...
14:48I do apologize.
14:53Yeah.
14:54Um...
14:56So...
14:56There's one more thing I need to tell you about last night.
15:01What?
15:03I...
15:05I made out with someone.
15:09Who?
15:11Kathleen?
15:12No.
15:13Stephen?
15:13No.
15:14Who?
15:16Dad.
15:18Oh, my God.
15:19I was wasted.
15:20It just happened.
15:21What the fuck?
15:21I don't even know.
15:22What the actual fuck?
15:22Are you fucking kidding me?
15:23It didn't mean anything.
15:23What kind of fucked up West Virginia shit is that?
15:25I'm so sorry.
15:26Oh, my God.
15:27And to think you gave your uncle shit for jacking off a dog.
15:29Hold on.
15:30No.
15:30Fuck you.
15:31Get out.
15:32Sarah!
15:32We're done.
15:34What do you mean?
15:35I mean, we're done.
15:36For real.
16:07You're a savings and loan officer.
16:09Watch.
16:10One, two, three.
16:11See?
16:12You've got it all.
16:13And we've got nothing.
16:15You have all...
16:16Blair?
16:17But I wouldn't trust you if...
16:18What's wrong?
16:20Nothing.
16:21But you're crying.
16:22I just really don't want to talk about it, Aunt Seuss.
16:25You want me...
16:26You want me to make you the cakes?
16:29The little cakes?
16:30What?
16:32Cupcakes!
16:32The cupcakes!
16:34The cupcakes!
16:35That's what they are.
16:36No, I'm...
16:36I'm okay.
16:39Sarah and I...
16:41We...
16:41We broke up.
16:43Oh!
16:44No, Blair!
16:46I'm so sorry!
16:49It's all right.
16:49I just...
16:49Want to be alone.
16:51But you can talk to Susan.
16:55Dr. Susan's in the house.
16:59Are you drunk?
17:01No!
17:02No!
17:03I would never!
17:04I...
17:05I just had a little bit of...
17:07Um...
17:08Wine from your box.
17:10Shh.
17:12Everybody deserves a little wine now.
17:15Don't you think?
17:17I guess.
17:18Blair!
17:20What are goonies?
17:22What?
17:22I heard people talking about goonies.
17:25Aunt Seuss, I just really want to be by myself.
17:28Oh, okay.
17:29I...
17:29I understand.
17:31Okay, sweetheart.
17:32I...
17:33I'm gonna be thinking the thoughts about you, okay?
17:37Okay.
17:39Okay.
17:43Dr. Susan...
17:45Is it that?
17:48She's very good.
17:53Oh, wow.
18:01There she is.
18:02Huh?
18:03Mrs. Fetchcoe.
18:05God, buddy, you were right.
18:06I don't know how I didn't see it before, but she's got this, like, raw sexual animal magnetism to her.
18:12Go ask her.
18:13About what?
18:15About a friend, for me.
18:17Okay.
18:23Hey, Mrs. Fetchko. Hi there.
18:25Hi.
18:26Mrs. Fetchko. May I call you Rebecca?
18:29My name is Gert.
18:30Oh, that's beautiful as well.
18:32Listen, I have a decent proposal for you.
18:35My friend John and I...
18:37The Down syndrome boy?
18:38He doesn't have Down syndrome.
18:40Are you sure?
18:41Yes.
18:42I think he does.
18:47Well, be that as it may, he and I would like to take you and one of your friends out
18:51to a restaurant of your choosing.
18:53Why?
18:55Gotta be honest here, I thought you'd just say yes.
18:57Uh, because, because we have lived across from you all these years, and I gotta believe there's more to Gert
19:03Fetchko than just yelling about how we need a stop sign here.
19:07We do! People come zooming by at all hours!
19:10And paranoia about the Chinese.
19:12They're taking over the town! They even have their own bank!
19:15You see, the truth is, John could use an old-fashioned lesson in manners and such.
19:20How come?
19:20Because everyone in your generation is brilliant, while everyone today is a dumb piece of shit.
19:25That's all I wanted to hear. I'll call my friend Mildred.
19:27Terrific!
19:28Dinner! 11 a.m. sharp!
19:30We'll be there.
19:37Maddie.
19:38God damn it!
19:39What's the matter?
19:40I fucking sneezed while I was pissing. Got in my fucking eye!
19:44There's a clean pair of pants right there in the drawer.
19:48Great.
19:50Hi.
19:52You want a horse around?
19:54What?
19:55Johnny's in the front yard. He can't hear us.
19:59It's day.
20:00Even better, we can see each other's bodies.
20:04I got piss in my eyes, Susan.
20:05No, I don't mind.
20:08Let's dance.
20:10Is that wine?
20:12Yeah, I just had a little bit of wine.
20:14What are you doing?
20:15Don't you remember you told me you loved me, baby?
20:19Susan, stop it.
20:20Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, oh baby.
20:24What are you doing? For fuck's sake, Susan!
20:26That woman is dead!
20:35I love you.
20:39You.
20:44First guy I ever loved was total nothing.
20:49Second was worse.
20:51My mom called me a bum magnet.
20:53There was a bum at a 50-mile radius.
20:54I was completely attracted to you.
20:56Hey!
20:57Hi.
20:58That's how I ended up here.
20:59You watching this?
21:00Yeah.
21:02There's a hockey game.
21:04Watch it upstairs.
21:05No friends.
21:05I can't.
21:07I can't go upstairs.
21:09Why not?
21:11Nothing.
21:11It's your professional.
21:14I worked at a couple fast food places.
21:18Parked cars at wrestling.
21:20What's the story?
21:21They married?
21:22No.
21:23She was a hooker and made it sound so great.
21:26She his girlfriend?
21:27She's a prostitute.
21:29What?
21:30She's a prostitute and he's falling in love with her.
21:33It's not like anybody plans this.
21:34It's not your childhood dream.
21:37It should be so much more.
21:39Ain't he worried about the clap?
21:41No.
21:42Why not?
21:43Because she fucking douches a lot.
21:44I don't fucking know.
21:46I'm trying to watch.
21:46Christ, okay.
21:47Hey, I'm just kicking the tires.
21:50Don't bite my goddamn head off.
21:51Christ.
21:52Very special, woman.
21:54You gonna watch all of those?
21:56Yeah, Maddie.
21:57Because that's what you do after a breakup.
21:59You lay under a blanket and you watch a bunch of chick flicks.
22:06I don't want you to get too excited.
22:08It's only on loan.
22:15Jesus.
22:16Jesus.
22:17Asshole.
22:17I'm gonna let you borrow this from her.
22:21Riches, NBA, come down.
22:28Had to be the top floor, right?
22:30It's the best.
22:31All right, I'm coming up.
22:38Oh, wow.
22:39She was the pretty woman.
22:47So, Mildred, Teddy has told me so much about you, but he neglected to mention your eyes.
22:53They're like nice manhole covers.
22:55Well, I didn't know one of you was a stuffed bear, so I guess we're even.
22:59Welcome to Armand's.
23:01Take your time.
23:02I'll be back in a bit.
23:04God, there's something extra depressing about a bald waiter, am I right?
23:08I might request someone else.
23:09I would like to propose a toast to budding romance.
23:13For who?
23:14For you and Teddy.
23:15Yeah, yeah, Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie.
23:18We're playing it cool here, Johnny.
23:19Mm.
23:19So, Mildred, tell me about yourself.
23:23Who is Mildred?
23:25Well, I'm from Connecticut.
23:26Ah, the show-me state.
23:28I'm a widow.
23:30My Franklin died eight years ago.
23:32Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
23:34What from?
23:35Crohn's disease.
23:36It's actually named after him.
23:38Well, Mrs. Disease, Ted may just...
23:41No, Crohn.
23:42Mildred Crohn.
23:43Well, Mrs. Crohn, I know that I can't replace Franklin.
23:47But with time, I believe that you'll find me a worthy companion.
23:51Ardent.
23:53Steadfast.
23:54Prepared to lend a strong paternal hand to your...
23:57Nine sons.
23:59Yes.
23:59I am ready to step in as their father.
24:03What about your parents, Mrs. Fetchko?
24:05Most of my father's in a jar.
24:08Mildred, may I just say your brooch is exquisite.
24:11Oh, thank you.
24:12And your locket is divine.
24:14Franklin brought it back from Morocco.
24:16And your stick pin is resplendent.
24:19Would you excuse me for a second?
24:21Gert, will you join me in the little girl's room?
24:30You think they're spraying their vaginas with eau de toilette?
24:34Yeah, I really don't know what the fuck is happening anymore.
24:38Shut the door.
24:39Shut the door.
24:40Do you see what's going on here?
24:42Why?
24:42They're bandits.
24:44They're trying to steal our jewels.
24:46You think so?
24:47Yes, they want to bamboozle us out of our fortunes.
24:50Mine won't quit staring at my amulet.
24:52They're grifters.
24:54Oh, my God.
24:55The one with Down syndrome is the flim-flam artist,
24:58and the bear is the bag man.
25:00Thank God all my money's in traveler's checks.
25:02They're probably going from town to town,
25:04pulling this little stunt all across the country.
25:07But they've lived across the street from me for 18 years.
25:09Even worse.
25:10It's a long con.
25:12Well, then I am not spraying my vagina with eau de toilette.
25:15Oh, no.
25:17Let's get out of here.
25:20You fucking thief!
25:26Oh, I'm so glad we don't have to fuck them after they ate.
25:56Tell her it's for luck.
25:57Sam says it's for luck.
26:07Maddie?
26:10Yeah?
26:12You okay?
26:14Yeah.
26:15I was just sleeping.
26:17You just fucking woke me up.
26:18Oh.
26:20Sorry.
26:22Yeah, you know what?
26:23I'm getting tired, too.
26:24I'm going to go say goodnight to Susan and go to bed.
26:26Yeah, me, too.
26:27I'm going to go to bed, as well.
26:28I'm just going to turn the lights off first.
26:58I'm just going to go to bed.
27:05Aunt Suze?
27:07Blair!
27:08Hi.
27:13Listen, I just wanted to apologize for being so short with you this afternoon.
27:19No, no, no, it's fine.
27:21I know you're having a sad day, and it's your birthday week, and I'm so sorry.
27:27Are you still drinking?
27:31Well, you know who I read likes to drink now and then?
27:36Me.
27:38I started keeping a diary.
27:41Oh, my God, okay.
27:47Is something going on?
27:49Like what?
27:50I don't know, anything you need to talk about.
27:53I mean, I've hardly ever seen you drink wine.
27:58Sometimes I feel like I'm all alone.
28:02What do you mean?
28:03When we were younger, Matty used to share things with me.
28:09Sometimes he'd even tell me how he was feeling.
28:12He did?
28:13Huh.
28:15And it's been years since he shared anything.
28:19Last night, I began to wonder, is this all there is until the end?
28:25Me sitting alone, trying to guess if Matty still loves me?
28:31I'm sure he still loves you.
28:33Oh, he never says it to me anymore.
28:36He never does anything romantic.
28:39Doesn't even put in the effort to smell neutral anymore.
28:44Listen, I really do want to talk about this with you, okay?
28:48It's just, I've had kind of a rough day myself.
28:53I know.
28:53But tomorrow, what if we did, like, Girls' Day or something?
29:00I'd love that.
29:02And for now, I'm just gonna put this back in the box.
29:07Okay.
29:07Okay.
29:08I'm gonna ride my bike to Taco Bell.
29:15I love you, Molly.
29:19I've always loved you.
29:28Ditto.
29:29Matty?
29:34Claire!
29:35I was just looking for hockey and sports and scores.
29:40I wanted, I wanted, I wanted sports and hockey.
29:43Did you turn Ghost back on?
29:45No.
29:46You're crying.
29:47No, I'm not.
29:48You're crying at Ghost.
29:50Fuck off!
29:51Matty, it's okay.
29:52I'm not crying!
29:54It, I'm just, it's, it's piss!
29:57It's okay if the story moved you.
29:59That's what it's supposed to do.
30:01I wasn't fucking crying!
30:03Okay, why don't you sit down?
30:04I want to show you something.
30:10Oh, God, I'm so mad I don't know what to do.
30:14I want to know why.
30:15I want to know why Shelby's life is over.
30:18I want to know how that baby will ever know how wonderful his mother was.
30:23Will he ever know what she went through with me?
30:26Oh, God, I want to know why!
30:30Why?
30:31Goddamn right, why?
30:33Why did it have to be Shelby, huh?
30:35She, she had her, she had her whole life ahead of her.
30:38I know, it's, it's so sad.
30:40She was such a ray of sunshine.
30:42What's the point of love?
30:44When it causes so much pain?
30:46She gave so much and asked so little.
30:48Why couldn't it have been Shirley MacLaine with the diabetes?
30:51It doesn't make any goddamn sense.
30:53And the baby.
30:54Oh, God, the baby!
30:56What, what, what's gonna happen to the fucking baby?
30:59He's never gonna know his mother.
31:01I want some fucking answers!
31:02I want some fucking goddamn answers and I want them right now!
31:05Maddie, Maddie, it's just a movie.
31:13Oh, my God.
31:17This is what chick flicks are?
31:19Yes.
31:20The whole point is to get you to feel something.
31:23To share an emotive experience through a narrative.
31:26Blair, you cannot tell anybody that I fucking cried.
31:30I won't.
31:32But, there's one person you need to tell.
31:35What?
31:36What the fuck are you talking about?
31:37Maddie, do you see what's happening right now?
31:40Aunt Suze needs to see this.
31:41Jesus, no way!
31:43Why not?
31:43I don't want to look like fucking Boy George in front of my wife!
31:46Besides, I think she's drunk.
31:48Uh, yeah.
31:49She's been drinking.
31:51You know why?
31:52It's because she's starved for any kind of human feeling.
31:55If she saw you like this right now, she'd love you like the day you married her.
32:00I don't know.
32:02Maddie, there's no shame in being vulnerable with the person that you love.
32:05Sure, maybe you feel a little stupid right now, but don't you also feel kind of good?
32:10Like, kind of relaxed and free?
32:13I guess so.
32:16Yeah, I do.
32:18Your wife needs you right now.
32:20She needs this, Maddie.
32:22I don't know how to do that.
32:25Do you have a ladder?
32:33Susan!
32:34Yeah.
32:35Susan!
32:36I know.
32:37Susan!
32:41Maddie?
32:49Maddie?
32:50Princess Susan!
32:52I need you!
32:53What are you doing?
32:54I'm coming up!
32:58Are those roses?
33:00I'm on my way!
33:02I'm coming up, Princess Susan!
33:04I'm coming up!
33:11Fuck!
33:14Careful, careful.
33:15A little more, a little more.
33:16Easy, easy, for fuck's sake.
33:18Sorry, God.
33:19Jesus Christ.
33:20Fuck, I need a beer.
33:22Okay, yeah, I'll get you.
33:23Thank you, Blair.
33:31I feel like a jackass, Susan.
33:35I just wanted to make you feel like a special prostitute.
33:38Oh, Maddie.
33:40I do feel like one.
33:43That was the sweetest, most wonderful gesture I've ever seen in my life.
33:49This is what happens when you show your fucking feelings.
33:53Well, you don't ever have to show your feelings again if you don't want to.
33:58Because now I know how much you love me.
34:06I love you, Maddie.
34:09Ditto.
34:10Ditto.
34:23Sounds like we all had a shitty week, huh?
34:25Yeah.
34:27Hey, Blair, I'm really sorry about Sarah.
34:29Me too.
34:30But hey, look on the bright side.
34:32Now you got more time to get stoned with me and Teddy.
34:35I mean, I guess if Sarah hadn't broken up with me, Maddie never would have opened up
34:40to Susan and she'd still be drinking wine in bed.
34:43So, yeah, maybe it was all worth it.
34:46Susan is the kindest, most selfless person alive.
34:50And she deserves to be happy.
34:51Yeah, but you'd still have a girlfriend if you'd just given me and Johnny those beers.
34:55That's also true.
34:56I mean, if you got us, like, a bunch more beer, who knows?
34:59Maybe it'll cause a chain of events that'll lead to Sarah taking you back.
35:03Fair enough.
35:04Ah, it didn't, it didn't help anything.
35:08Mildred, I love you.
35:10Yeah.
35:16Oh, you got a head full of someone dreadful
35:20And yet, alas, that someone adores you
35:25Everybody needs a best friend
35:28I'm happy I'm yours
35:31I'm just a clown
35:34And I'll bring you down
35:38But you just don't care for your
35:44Best friend is me
35:46Oh, you're doing
35:49I'm Henry
35:50Oh, you're listening
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