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00:24Puff Puff Puff
00:30Puff your cares away Puff Puff Puff
00:42Puff night and day
00:51Blow, blow them through the air
01:11Hi
01:13Hey
01:15How was, how was the thing?
01:20Oh, you know
01:23It was a journalist's book party in Midtown
01:28How do you think it was?
01:31Utterly fine
01:32Violently fine
01:35Anthony dropped by for a bit
01:37Yeah, how do you look?
01:39Frail
01:40Wonder why you bothered showing up
01:42Life is for the living
01:44Does that constitute living?
01:46A journalist's book party in Midtown?
01:48I have fun
01:52Did you?
01:53Yeah
01:55Although I did get trapped for about 20 minutes by that artist lady who wears those hats
01:59Lizzie is a publicist
02:01The reason you think she's an artist is because she's a good publicist
02:12What are you doing?
02:13What does it look like I'm doing?
02:17I love this song
02:26You know what else I love?
02:30I love you
02:36I love you
02:37I love you too
02:43Tonight would have been so much more fun if you were there
02:47Everything's more fun when I'm there
02:50That's usually true
02:54You know, I think this is the first song we ever danced to
02:58God, we barely knew each other then
03:01I knew you
03:02I knew who you were
03:03Yeah?
03:03You were fearless
03:04Oh no, I was terrified
03:10The way you used to walk into a room and just to own it
03:16Used to?
03:18No, you know what I mean
03:22Baby
03:23I missed you tonight
03:26Everyone was asking where you were
03:30It's hard to keep track of all the excuses at this point
03:43You hungry?
03:44I don't want the food to get cold
04:04I'm sorry
04:05I wasn't trying to guilt trip you
04:10I just missed you
04:12I mean, it was a completely mediocre book party in Midtown
04:15It really doesn't sound like I missed much, right?
04:23If you were so desperate to see me, you would have just skipped it to see me
04:26And the fact that it didn't even occur to you as an option makes me feel like this isn't just
04:29about us spending time together
04:31But about people seeing us spend time together
04:37Just, I hate showing up to these things alone
04:41Because of what people will say?
04:42No
04:43No
04:45Well, obviously that's part of it
04:47You know what happens anytime I show up to these things alone
04:51It's another headline stating that we're headed for divorce
04:54Well, at this point, they're going to write a story no matter what
04:57Exactly
04:59Damned if we do, damned if we don't
05:02Right, I just, I feel like we're saying the same thing here
05:04All I'm saying is I'd like to spend time with you outside of this loft
05:14I have a crazy idea
05:16A plate?
05:17Let's go on a trip
05:19What kind of a trip?
05:20Any kind of trip you want
05:23Paris, Belize, Tahiti
05:25Tahiti?
05:26Yeah, Tahiti
05:26Just you, me, the beach
05:28No parties, no obligation, no press
05:32No clothes
05:33Caroline
05:34I'm serious
05:38Maybe after the holidays
05:39After the holidays, John, it's August
05:42It's August 30th
05:43It's essentially September
05:46We have the Delancey Street Foundation dinner in San Francisco
05:49Back to New York for Fashion Week
05:51Then I have the Cuba trip
05:53After that, we're in the Vineyard
05:54Straight to Redgate
05:56Then we're back in the city for Terry and Valerie's Halloween party
05:59November is the Georgia anniversary dinner
06:02Thanksgiving at Hyannis
06:03Christmas with the cousins
06:04Your birthday in January
06:06Figured you'd want to be with friends
06:07But yeah, the trip sounds nice
06:12Okay, so what you're saying is
06:13We can't go on vacation until 1998?
06:16Of course not
06:18We have Hyannis next weekend, remember?
06:23Fuck me, I forgot
06:28You know, a lot of people consider the Cape to be one of the most beautiful areas of the country
06:33Yeah, I'm aware of that
06:34I don't have a problem with the Cape, it's a compound
06:36What about it?
06:39Come on
06:40No, let's hear it
06:42Out with it
06:45Um, it's not relaxing
06:47Every minute of the day is accounted for
06:48We can't sleep in, we can't sit on the beach, we can't go for a walk
06:52There's no privacy so we'd never have sex
07:23Mm-hmm
07:24That, um, that rule about no TV during the day
07:27Well, that's not a rule
07:29It's just, you want to watch TV during the day?
07:32I want the option
07:34Spending your day in front of the TV on a beautiful summer's day is just wasteful
07:39So it is a rule
07:41It's a norm
07:42Oh, there is nothing norm about it, trust me
07:45Everyone shoots me these judgmental looks whenever I read magazines
07:48And before you say that Caroline reads magazines all the time too
07:52Let me interrupt your interruption and say that Caroline reads The New Republic
07:56And, well, technically, yes, that's a magazine
07:58Spiritually, it's a book
08:01Vogue, that's a magazine
08:03And don't think I haven't noticed the expectant looks on everyone's faces when I abstain from a cocktail
08:07I am basically guzzling Dark and Stormy's prophylactically at this point
08:12I have to drink or else people will think I'm pregnant
08:14You think I'm joking, but I'm serious
08:16I just feel like I'm on display
08:18Like there's this sense of visibility
08:20Like my body is this living, breathing report card broadcasting the state of our relationship
08:26You could always drink a sea breeze
08:29And the clams
08:30The clams
08:31Over Fourth of July weekend, your family had five clam bakes over three days
08:35Six, actually
08:36We had a midnight clam bake, but I let you sleep through that one
08:39Who wants clams at midnight?
08:42That's diabolical
08:43That's sadistic
08:44Okay, okay
08:45Hey, I hear you
08:47Hyannis can be specific
08:48No, I believe I said sadistic
08:52I like spending time with our family, I'm sorry
08:54John, they're your family
08:55They're your family, too
08:56Family's important
08:57Yeah, you and me, we're family
09:08Hello?
09:12What happened?
09:17Lauren, slow down, you're scaring me
09:19What's going on?
09:20What?
09:25What channel?
09:27What channel?
09:28Well, you...
09:30Yeah, okay, let me call you back, all right?
09:32Love you, bye
09:35An update now on the condition of Princess Diana
09:38Who was involved in a traffic accident in Paris this evening
09:41She is in serious condition, she was driving with her companion Dodie Al-Fayette
09:45He, according to police officials, died in the accident along with the chauffeur
09:50The princess's bodyguard was also injured
09:53We don't know his condition at this hour
09:54Oh, my God
09:55The accident happened as Diana's car was being pursued by a group of paparazzi on motorcycles
10:00As they enter the town
10:01I just saw her
10:02What?
10:03At Johnny's funeral, I sat right behind her
10:06She has been monitoring Paris for any new information
10:09Nina, can you hear me?
10:11Yes, I can
10:11Dodie Al-Fayette, obviously a famous man, a millionaire as well
10:15Do you have any news of his condition?
10:17We have police reports and others saying that he is in fact...
10:20Well, all we know at the moment is that he has in fact been killed
10:24As well as water, free the science of information and the injured as well as bodyguards
10:30Do we know the nature of her injury?
10:32Carolyn
10:34Carolyn
10:35Carolyn
10:35Carolyn
10:35Yeah
10:36The glasses in the dishwasher, are they clean?
10:40What?
10:42The glasses in the dishwasher, are they clean?
10:44I don't know
10:45There has been no comment from Buckingham Palace
10:48You don't know if you ran the dishwasher or not?
10:50What?
10:50I don't understand how you don't know, you either ran it or you didn't
10:53Why are you asking?
10:54You've been home all day, do you remember hearing the dishwasher?
10:58Yes, I did a dishwasher
10:59Oh my gosh
10:59So they've gotten here recently
11:00The popular thing of course that was trying to photograph them by a famous millionaire
11:06With whom she had been in a romantic relationship for the last couple of weeks
11:10Had they been generating a fair bit of publicity while they were in Paris?
11:14Did most people know they were there?
11:15Oh yes
11:16There has been an extraordinary amount of catholic and media
11:21What can you tell us about the area where it was actually occurred around the entrance
11:26right to the road?
11:27It's an entrance to the underground tunnel that goes under the Seine River
11:31It's an area of well known as we're in so it's a very well populated area
11:37Let's go back to the Seine wreckage
11:39There is the recognizable back end of the Mercedes sedan
11:43And there is the unrecognizable front end of what must have been a high speed collision
11:48In the front part of the car the two flashes of white there are the deployed airbags
11:53The remnants of the airbags
11:56Princess Diana is unmatched when it comes to generating interest
11:59And indeed cash for deserving progress
12:01Going for a run
12:04What?
12:09John!
12:10We'll be back in a bit
12:11We'll be back in a bit
12:32Once again, putting her personal life under scrutiny.
12:36Her private holiday was filmed by the Italian paparazzi.
12:38We are now launching the photographs to the highest bidder.
12:42We will continue to cover this.
13:02We are now launching the photographs to the highest bidder from the highest bidder from the highest bidder from the
13:32highest bidder.
13:33We are now launching the photographs to the highest bidder.
13:52We are now launching the photographs to the highest bidder.
14:04We are now launching the photographs to the highest bidder from the highest bidder.
14:30We are now launching the photographs to the highest bidder from the highest bidder.
14:47She's dead.
14:54They killed her.
14:59she did everything right
15:00posed for every photo
15:01gave them everything they wanted
15:03and they still killed her
15:10it was very sad
15:12it was monstrous
15:16she was their princess
15:17and they treated her like prey
15:24I gotta clean my face off
15:38you know, I think there's something really macabre
15:42about watching this shit
15:43when right now, halfway across the world
15:45someone is waking up her kids
15:46before they find out their parent is dead on TV
15:49he and the first lady have sent their condolences
15:52to Buckingham Palace
15:54there are reports that the royal family
15:57they are at all morrow
16:01I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you
16:19those poor boys
16:22at least they have each other
16:25like you and Caroline
16:28like me and Caroline
16:29yeah
16:31this is nothing like what me and Caroline went through
16:35they're princes
16:36they're members of a monarchy
16:37I was three when my dad died
16:39I grew up 60 blocks from here
16:41I rode my bike to school
16:42it's night and day
16:46okay
16:52you're telling me it wasn't like that
16:56what was it like?
17:00I don't want to talk about it
17:01John
17:03you're making assumptions
17:04and trying to tell me
17:05what my own childhood was like
17:07and I have everyone else in the world
17:08to do that for me
17:09without having to hear it
17:20from my own wife
17:21John
17:25I'm just trying to understand
17:29does it not scare you?
17:41John
17:44fine
17:47you want to know what I'm so scared of?
17:49what's going through my head?
17:51what I was thinking about the entire time
17:52during my jog?
17:54that you are never going to leave the house again
17:57do I see the parallels between what we deal with
18:00and what happened to her?
18:01of course I do
18:02but can I say that?
18:04no
18:04it'll just be one more thing
18:05that's going to stop you from living your life
18:11want to know why I can't watch this?
18:15because if I do
18:16I'll never fucking stop
18:18okay?
18:34do you want to hear about my childhood?
18:37I don't remember my dad dying
18:39at all
18:41but what I remember vividly is my mom
18:44being basically in a trance
18:46and the hours that Caroline
18:48and the nanny and I spent
18:49while my mom was locked away
18:50in a dark room crying alone
18:59and why
19:02couldn't she just play with me?
19:10it was my mother I watched die
19:12not my dad
19:14I watched her die twice
19:23and now it feels like I'm watching you slip away
19:27you're choosing the darkness
19:30I'm watching it happen
19:31I feel like I'm being
19:33abandoned again
19:35I can't lose you
19:37you're the one person I can't lose
19:39do you understand that?
19:40I've lost so many people in my life
19:42and I can't lose you
19:44I can't
19:45I can't lose you
19:46I can't
19:47I can't
19:50I can't
19:51I can't lose you Carolyn
19:58you breathe
20:02I'm not going anywhere
20:09just breathe
20:33now you should
20:37smile
20:38smile
20:40oh your heart
20:42is aching
20:44smile
20:47even though
20:49it's breaking
20:53when there are clouds
20:58way up in the sky
21:03you're gonna get by
21:08that's the time
21:10that's the time
21:12you must
21:14keep on trying
21:16oh you gotta smile
21:19what's the use
21:22of crying
21:25you'll find
21:28that life is still
21:33worthwhile
21:34why
21:39if you just
21:41smile
21:47come on
21:49now show me
21:51a little smile
21:59you're gonna hurry yourself
22:04you sure you don't want a hand
22:05no I'm good
22:11god we went through
22:11so much wine
22:12uh huh
22:32hey Jason
22:33it's John
22:34my dinner's done
22:35I'm just at home
22:37give me a call
22:38give me a call whenever
22:41why are you calling your Floyd instructor
22:43what are you talking about
22:44I talk to him all the time
22:47I have to log 40 more hours
22:49before I'm instrument rated
22:51you just crashed
22:52flying that ridiculous
22:53llama or contraption
22:54I think it's obvious
22:55you need a bit more time than that
22:56it's called a Buckeye
22:57and it's an entirely
22:58different machine
23:00Buckeyes have nothing
23:01to do with airplanes
23:04didn't you promise Caroline
23:05you were done with flying
23:06since when are you so concerned
23:07with what Caroline wants
23:14what are you doing
23:16I want my cigarettes
23:17no just sit
23:18sit
23:18I'll get them for you
23:19I don't want you
23:20hobbling up the stairs
23:22they're not up the stairs
23:23they're in my room
23:40you know if we left now
23:41we could probably catch the tail end
23:43of that vanity fair party
23:44at Pravda
23:46John
23:47you're not supposed to be putting
23:48any pressure on that ankle
23:50no parties
23:50no stairs
23:51no flying lessons
23:53well we'll take a cab
23:54I can sit when I get there
23:58ugh
23:59fuck
24:00I'm wiped
24:00but
24:02if you want to go
24:03you should go
24:04wiped?
24:05it's not even 11
24:11can you please stop
24:12with the candle
24:13wait
24:14is this a fight right now?
24:18no I'm fine
24:18what?
24:20what now?
24:25fine if you want me to sit here and beg you for it I will
24:28or you can just fast forward to the part where you tell me exactly how it is I fucked up
24:36you told me to go work for Petra
24:39when?
24:40uh 30 minutes ago at this dinner party you insisted on hosting
24:45Petra was complaining about how difficult it is to find anyone with work experience willing to build something from the
24:50ground up and accept a pay cut
24:51and you started yelling at me
24:52oh I did not yell
24:53oh I did not yell
24:54yeah John you were literally yelling
24:55and I know that because you were seated at the other end of the table
24:57all I said was that you had fashion experience and you didn't need money
25:01PR
25:04I have PR experience
25:06at Calvin Klein
25:08isn't that fashion?
25:09that's fashion
25:10Petra has a jewelry line
25:11John I'm not a jewelry designer
25:13well I'm sorry for insinuating that you have great taste
25:16that qualifies me to buy jewelry
25:18not make it
25:25it's humiliating
25:26getting pitched for job after job
25:29regardless of my interest or qualifications
25:31when have I ever done
25:32I mean you practically shoved me into Andre Leon Talley's lap at that fundraiser
25:36oh I did not
25:37John yes you did
25:38you it makes me feel like I am this dead weight that you are desperate to shed
25:42you're just you're
25:44you're getting wax all over the table
25:47I thought you hated this table
25:58what did you mean I insisted on hosting this dinner party
26:01it was your idea wasn't it
26:02well I knew better than to suggest we go to a restaurant
26:05or anywhere else other than this apartment
26:07are you seriously that upset that I organized a dinner party for your friends
26:12it really bothers me when you do that
26:15do what?
26:16delineate between my friends and your friends
26:19we're a unit John
26:20there are friends
26:25okay Caroline
26:29pronoun rescinded
26:30what are you doing?
26:31sorry if my grammar offended you
26:41you seemed perfectly happy holding court with my friends
26:46yeah well they were bombarding me with questions
26:52yes
26:55to be honest
26:56I think people are uncomfortable asking you about what's going on in your life
27:02because they're not sure if you want to talk about it
27:04what do you mean what's going on in my life?
27:07you know
27:08that you're still trying to figure out your thing
27:11my thing
27:15enough with this relentless pressure to have a thing
27:18why do I have to have a thing?
27:20it's all I hear about from your family and your friends and the press and especially you
27:25because it's not enough to just be a Kennedy now
27:27you know you have to work at the NRDC
27:28or make a documentary or write a book about constitutional law
27:32I'm 33 years old
27:34I've been working since I'm 15
27:36can't my thing just be like taking a beat to settle into my marriage and enjoy my life?
27:40is that what you're doing all day alone in the apartment?
27:43enjoying your life?
27:47I'm figuring it out
27:49and in the meantime I don't want to just join some board
27:51because it would make you feel better when people ask me what I do at dinner parties
27:55I would think you of all people should be able to understand this
27:57me of all people?
27:58yes John
27:58you of all people should know what this is like
28:01instead you just come at me with all this unhelpful help
28:04it's become a full-time job
28:05just batting away this constant barrage of indiscriminate suggestions on how to fill my days
28:11and I... and I... I feel guilty
28:17because I know you think you're trying to be helpful but it doesn't...
28:21it doesn't feel helpful
28:24it feels like you're judging me
28:26so what am I supposed to do when you complain about how unmoored your life feels?
28:31just sit there and say nothing?
28:34yes, yes
28:35just say nothing
28:38just... just listen
28:42that's what I need from you
28:43I just need you to sit and listen and let me feel lost
28:46can I... like can I just...
28:49feel lost?
28:51can you please allow me the space to do that?
28:55yes
28:56yes, I can do that
28:57okay
29:01you know, look
29:03I get that it's daunting to start over
29:05I get that it's daunting to start over but just...
29:05look at my mom
29:06oh my god
29:09she was a lifelong reader who became a book editor at the age of 46
29:1246, yeah, John I know
29:13I know
29:14all I'm saying is that she figured it out despite public scrutiny or the threat of public scrutiny
29:20John, it is impossible for me to overstate just how aware I am that your mother was a very impressive
29:25woman
29:26believe me, okay?
29:28but do you think your mother could have held a 9 to 5 job in publishing when she was married
29:32to the most famous man on the planet?
29:34she did that when she was a widow
29:35enough!
29:37enough about my mother
29:38look, John, you brought her up
29:39and now I'm saying to drop it
29:40well, you certainly mentioned my mother enough
29:41yeah, well your mother's still here to defend herself
29:43you know, you don't know how lucky you are that I never introduced you to my mother because she never
29:47would have encouraged this
29:49us
29:59wow
30:00I mean, it's not like I would have listened to her
30:02no, no, yeah, sure
30:08maybe I should have listened to mine
30:09what?
30:11my mother basically told me I should end this
30:14when?
30:17at the wedding
30:18oh, right
30:19this speech
30:20no, no, it was earlier
30:24that afternoon
30:25what are you talking about?
30:28Carolyn
30:31Carolyn, what are you talking about?
30:35Carolyn
30:36my mother came into my room the day of our rehearsal dinner and warned me not to marry you
30:42she said that you would never prioritize me
30:44that you'd always choose your job, or your family, or yourself
30:48I do prioritize you
30:49that you would never make space for me in your life
30:53when I pushed back on her, I told her she was wrong
30:55and now, now, I don't know
30:57Carolyn, I do make space for you
30:59no, John, John, I know you think you do, but you're always out
31:04you come home at 11, midnight
31:06last night you were home at 3 a.m.
31:08yeah, we're closing the August issue of George
31:10you're always
31:10ugh
31:14you're always closing the magazine
31:16or you're out getting drinks to celebrate closing the magazine
31:20or you're chasing some writer or investor
31:22or you're tearing up the layout
31:23and if it's not the magazine, it's a Kennedy benefit
31:26or a fundraiser
31:27or a Senate run
31:28so you don't support it
31:34I support you
31:38and I'd support it if I really thought it was something you believed in
31:41but everything for you comes out of this misplaced sense of obligation
31:46like your lunch idea
31:47I specifically set aside two lunches a week so that I can spend time with you
31:51that's not the same as wanting to spend time with me
31:54it's literally the same thing
31:55no, lunch is a checkbox
31:57it's something you can tell yourself to absolve yourself of guilt
32:00what guilt?
32:01you don't want to be around me
32:05you don't want to talk to me
32:06half the time you're sleeping in the other room
32:07I talk to you all the time
32:09no, John, you're not interested in me
32:12you don't solicit my advice
32:14you're not fascinated by what I want to say
32:16you're not curious about me
32:18you talk to me just long enough to keep the peace
32:20just long enough to prevent more conversation
32:24you used to be desperate to spend every single second with me
32:28and now you treat our marriage like it's this layover between places that you really want to be
32:34and I get it
32:38I imagine it's tough seeing how unhappy you make me
32:50you know what?
32:53it is
33:00and that's all I seem to be capable of lately
33:04is disappointing people
33:07I spend all day fighting with publishers, investors, bankers
33:11all telling me to take my magazine out back and shoot it in the head
33:15and then I come home and I fight with you
33:17about how I'm never home
33:19and then I go to bed each night
33:20dreading the moment I get up and having to do it all over again
33:23and the worst part about it is that I want to talk to you about all of this
33:27but you feel a million miles away
33:29you're here, but you're not here
33:33and I miss you, Carolyn
33:35I miss the person I fell in love with
33:37John, I'm right here
33:41I am the person you fell in love with
33:46but you don't want this version of me
33:47you want the cold, unattainable, shiny version
33:51the version of me that's like a trophy
33:54the moment I started being vulnerable with you
33:56you think you're vulnerable with me?
34:00to be vulnerable you'd actually have to want something
34:02need something
34:04the only thing you seem to want to do is tell me again
34:06and again and again how much you hate our life
34:09I knew it, I knew it
34:09I should never have let my guard down
34:11I broke my own rule, I'm so dumb
34:15I've just been bracing myself
34:17for what?
34:18I'm always bracing myself, John
34:19I have spent my entire life just bracing myself for these terrible things to happen to me
34:24and deal with them alone
34:25and this is no different from any of that
34:28you knew who I was before you married me
34:30I wish people would stop telling me that
34:34no one knows who they're marrying
34:37apparently not
34:44people are supposed to change, John
34:47I didn't
34:50you say that like it's a virtue, like it's somehow commendable
34:55you haven't made any space for me in your life
34:57tell me one thing that you have changed in your life since we've been married
35:01you live in the same loft, you have the same job, the same friends
35:03you spend the same weekends at Red Gate or Hyannis, the same schedule
35:10everything in my life has changed, do you understand that?
35:13that's your choice
35:16you act like every misfortune in your life is the result of some ultimatum I've given you
35:20like you have zero agency in this relationship
35:22I didn't make you quit your job
35:24I didn't make you marry me
35:26I didn't tell you to let the tabloids ruin your life
35:29but you know what, I think there's a part of you that enjoys this shit with the press
35:32excuse me?
35:33yeah, so you can lord it over me
35:35punish me with it, fault me endlessly for not controlling things outside of my control
35:40you relish it, it's like you have no identity outside of your own victimhood
35:44thank you, thank you, you love how hated I am
35:48of course you do, because you're America's son and I am just another tragedy you bravely endure
36:03well, yeah, I think I may have hit my limit
36:11what are you talking about?
36:18John, what are you talking about?
36:21maybe I've endured enough tragedy for one lifetime
36:33John, come back
36:38John!
36:40John!
36:41John, what are you doing?
36:46I can't keep doing this
36:50what are you talking about?
36:53doing what?
36:54what are you talking about?
36:56everything and everyone I touch falls apart
36:58and now this is falling apart too
37:00and I just think that if I stay
37:02I'm gonna do or say something that I regret
37:04no, like what?
37:05like what, John?
37:07I'll be at the stand hope
37:08just a day or two
37:09no, John, just say
37:10what you were gonna say
37:13there is nothing you can say to me that would hurt me more than you walking out that door
37:18do you know what it's like to see it in your eyes that I'm failing at this marriage?
37:22like I failed as a lawyer and now I'm failing as a magazine editor?
37:26I couldn't help my mom
37:28and I can't help Anthony
37:29and I don't think I can handle another failure right now
37:32John!
37:36when I told you everything ends you said not us
37:41what happened to not us, John?
37:44what happened to not us?
37:45what happened to not us?
37:46what happened to not us?
37:50what happened to not us?
37:53when I told you everything ends you said not us
37:56what happened to not us?
38:04this isn't ending
38:06yes it is
38:09you're running away
38:10I don't want to keep hurting you, Carolyn
38:13I want to be with you
38:15then be with me
38:16I don't want to fight
38:20you have to
38:23that's what people do
38:24they fight, they stay, they fight
38:26if we keep fighting we're gonna lose each other
38:30please don't leave me
38:42please
38:43please don't prove my mother right
38:53I'm coming back I promise
39:03I love you
39:05I love you
39:21not me
39:41I love you
39:43I love you
39:45I love you
39:51I love you
39:51Ha, ha, ha.
39:54Ha, ha, ha, ha.
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