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00:00...
00:31Well, no holiday humbugs here.
00:34Not to curmudgeons and sakes.
00:35Not a whiff of poop.
00:37And sweet.
00:38What movie's your picks out for Christmas this year, Miss Katie's?
00:40We'll table it.
00:41Yeah, let's put a pin in it for later.
00:43Little circles back.
00:44I, to the fuckin'...
00:46Love Christmas.
00:47You know, I'm almost glad that it's already Christmas Eve and I don't have to hear you say that a
00:51baker's dozen times a day anymore.
00:53Then all your presents wrapped for Christmas there, good buddies?
00:55Oh, yeah, yeah. It's tradition, so, yeah.
00:58Well, I'd have a beer. Katie have a beer.
01:00I'd have a beer.
01:01Dan have a beer.
01:01I'd have a beer.
01:02No, no beer.
01:05Why, the party hasn't started yet.
01:06Christmas drinks only. It's tradition.
01:08And...
01:09You don't fuck with tradition.
01:11Especially on Christmas. Katie, where's the box?
01:16Bit fuckin' gnar that we keep these bottles in this box here and only bring them out one time a
01:20year.
01:20Well, there's good reason for it. I mean, who wants to drink...
01:24Butter Ripple Schnapps?
01:26Well, whoever's having a Nativity Barnburner, likely.
01:28And who wants to drink's Blue Caracol?
01:31Whoever's having a Mrs. Clausmo, likely.
01:33And who wants to drink...
01:35Creme de Momme?
01:36Whoever's having a naughtier spice, likely.
01:39I could whip up some Santagria.
01:41Mix them all together for a good ol' Jingle Juice.
01:43No, Jingle Juice makes spit.
01:44No spittin'.
01:44We keep it classy till midnight for the main event.
01:47Oh no, American whiskey.
01:49Oh no, Irish whiskey.
01:50Canadian rye whiskey.
01:52I say, fuckin' A!
01:53A shot of each at midnight for the infamous three wise men.
01:56Everyone hammers one.
01:57Three. Yeah, poor splitting hairs.
01:58Everyone hammers all three back to back to back at the stroke at midnight.
02:02Encourages everyone to keep it classy till then.
02:04To be fair...
02:06To be fair...
02:12This garbage assortment of drinks would encourage anyone to pace it.
02:15It's a bit o'clock if you're not careful.
02:17Yeah, it's kind of a tough party to only have one bathroom's for.
02:19I guess outside as much as the dog does.
02:21Do you wanna know what?
02:22You say any talk of this maybe being the, uh...
02:26Best Christmas party ever?
02:28Yeah, no.
02:29I, uh...
02:30I may have, uh, heard a bit of talking about that.
02:32Hearing some of that talk?
02:33I've been hearing a little bit about, uh...
02:35Maybe it's a little bit of bad guests traveling a little bit fast in a town like this.
02:39Well, I've been hearing that peoples are a talking, and talkings are a people.
02:47Well, pitter-patter, let's get Advent.
02:51Ur.
02:55I hate it.
03:00Oh no!
03:05I hate it!
03:08I hate it...
03:11I hate it!
03:13Why?
03:15Oh no!
03:17Ah!
03:19Ow!
03:19Ow!
03:19Oh no!
03:20I hate it!
03:21Cibet.
03:21It's a joke.
03:22It's a joke.
03:22Totally.
03:53A disposable camera
03:54Mm-hmm
03:55Every good party ought to have one, I think
03:57You know, getting photos developed after the fact is always fun because you don't know what you're gonna get
04:02It's like reaching into a treat bag blind
04:04Could be a sour key or could be a sweet tart
04:06Thank you, Wayne
04:07You're welcome, Bonnie
04:08Maybe I could be your little helper elf tonight?
04:10Well, you're conveniently dressed for the part, but I'm not Santa Claus, so I'll respectfully decline
04:15Let me know if you change your mind
04:17I will
04:17Good enough. Let's break the seal
04:19Okey-doke
04:27Say, Bonnie, you hearin' any talk of this maybe being the, um, best Christmas party ever?
04:34I'm gonna talk to you or so
04:46Christmas toast and the three wives met at midnight
04:49Keep it classy till then
04:53I piss outside as much as the dog does
04:58I hate to mistletake this opportunity, Stuart, but I believe this is a mistletoe
05:07Oh, no
05:08Oh!
05:09Merry Christmas
05:12Merry Christmas, Colch
05:14You got me a present?
05:16Oh, yeah
05:16It's tradition, so...
05:23A chimney cleaning log
05:24Now, you'll want to burn that every 65 years or so
05:27Reduces your creosote buildup by 70%
05:29And creosote's what causes chimney fires
05:32So you'll want to nip that in the bottom
05:35Kind of reminds me of my late wife, Barb
05:39We had a Christmas tradition ourselves
05:41My lover and I would spend Christmas Eve together
05:47As lovers do
05:49And we would make love for ours in front of the fire
05:52Well, there you go
05:55I haven't been touched by a lover since my late wife, Barb, died
06:01And I miss the touch of a lover
06:05To be honest
06:08It's hard to find a good lover
06:10Well, I'm sure you find another person
06:13Barb was a tremendous lover
06:17She used to say that the best part about my body was my legs
06:22To be honest, the best part about her was her legs, too
06:24Well, sounds like she was a wonderful woman
06:29Big tits
06:30Sir?
06:31You never noticed?
06:32No
06:32You never noticed Barb's knocks?
06:35No
06:36I would lay her down at night
06:37And I would say
06:38Knock, knock
06:39Who's there?
06:40Big old boner in my underwear
06:43She could make an ocean-fearing man go bolting
06:46Well, folks love bolting, so
06:48She used to take my member
06:50And her tiny little fingers
06:52Just roll it so gently
06:54Like she was
06:56Holding a
06:57Soft cinnamon twist
07:00Just getting it ready for the oven
07:02Yep, well
07:03That's where those go, so
07:04And then when the moment was right
07:08They'd enter her
07:09Bonnie!
07:10We'd thrust against each other
07:12You know the sound of waves on a freshwater lake
07:16Just lapping against the shore
07:21We'd sing
07:23Christmas lover
07:26I'm inside her
07:28Can you feel it?
07:32Can you smell it?
07:35Coach Wanske, let's come on in here
07:37We'll jump in a photo real quick
07:39Sure
07:46Christmas lover
07:49Christmas lover
07:49Bonnie, how are you now?
07:51Good, and you?
07:51Oh, I know it's a bad
07:52Listen, I'm thinking I might need a helper elf after all
07:55Mind if I take you up late on your offer?
07:57I've been waiting for you to take me up late for years, Wayne
08:00Tannis!
08:08Did I miss the Jingles juice again?
08:11Okay, looks like some pissin' outsides again, just as God's intended
08:15Don't forget the Christmas toast from three wise men's at midnights
08:19Fuckin' pace yourselves
08:20Take your notes
08:23Say, Tannis, you hearing any talk about this maybe being the, uh...
08:27The, uh, saliest Christmas party ever
08:29It's festive
08:30Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
08:34Merry Christmas
08:35You got me a gift?
08:37Uh, uh, uh, it's tradition, so, yeah
08:38What is it?
08:40Open it
08:41I can't, my nails aren't dry
08:43Serious?
08:46Good enough
08:58What's that?
08:58An apron
08:59Yeah, I can see it's an apron
09:00Okay
09:01Why would you buy a woman an apron?
09:02Oh, I thought it was clever
09:05The text
09:05What do I look like, my dudda?
09:07I've not had the pleasure
09:08What was the runner-up to that, vacuum cleaner bags or something?
09:11Oven mitts
09:11Oven mitts?
09:12Yes, they said hot stuff coming through
09:15You might as well just said get in the kitchen and cook my dinner, woman
09:18Well, that's not clever
09:20The text
09:21You know you're sending a really chauvinistic message here, bud
09:23Well, it's not what I meant
09:24What'd you mean, then?
09:25I meant to say you're a good fucking cook
09:28But you don't like dudes hanging out around your grill while you're cooking
09:30So I thought it was clever
09:33The text
09:35Fuck
09:38Done being a cow now, or?
09:40Yeah
09:42I'm sorry, boo
09:43I just
09:45I'm a little sensitive sometimes
09:46It's alright, everybody's a little bit sensitive these days, fuck
09:50I know, right?
09:51So fucking gay
09:53So
09:56Is there
09:59Any strings attached to this apron?
10:03Almost certainly
10:05Too bad
10:06Say cheese
10:10Merry Christmas, Tannis
10:12Next
10:22Girl, let me remind whoever's sprinting in there
10:25That this is a marathon
10:26Three wise men at midnight
10:28Don't forget
10:30Guess I'll head outside and practice my fucking wall sit
10:39Good leave
10:40Thank you
10:41Hey, why don't we watch a classic?
10:43Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, circa 1964
10:47No!
10:48Santa was such a dick in that movie
10:49And a racist dick, which I, sir, have no time for
10:53Did you just call Santa a racist?
10:55The landscape's not the only thing whitewashed at the North Pole
10:58Yeah, and then Santa tells Rudolph that his nose makes him sick
11:01And then makes him cover it up
11:04Clear sign of prejudice, Katie
11:06Guys, it was a different time, you know?
11:08It was made in the 60s, right, coach?
11:11How old do you think I am?
11:12How long can society keep making that excuse, Katie?
11:17Yeah, and a mental abuse
11:18Physical, too
11:18One is rarely far from the other
11:20And then Santa has the timbits to ask Rudolph
11:22To guide him around the whole world to every fucking house
11:27Rudolph got to guide Santa's sleigh
11:29I mean, that's all he ever wanted
11:31That's not all he wanted, Katie!
11:33What else did he want?
11:34Uh, reparations
11:35You know what bugged me most about that movie?
11:37It's that the elf's biggest dream was to become a dentist
11:39Not a race car driver, not an astronaut, but a dentist
11:42Pull your finger out of your ass, fucking elf
11:44Highest suicide rate of any profession
11:46Christmas cheer just hitting a real fever pitch now
11:50Gail!
11:52Merry Christmas, Gailer
11:53What's in your jeans, bud?
11:54Good
11:57Got me a present?
11:58Oh, oh, oh
11:59No, no, it's traditional, so
12:06Uncle Eddie
12:07Good guy, eh?
12:08He's a great guy
12:09I figured you could hang that behind the bar
12:12Uncle Eddie
12:13Well, you know what?
12:14He's not your uncle, so I don't know
12:16Maybe you'd stop saying that on account of you taking him down once, you know?
12:20I lied
12:22It was more than once
12:23Oh, Jesus
12:24Jerry Cara fetish ain't nothing to be ashamed of, Wayne
12:27Young is fun, but old is bold
12:30Face like an old road map
12:32Didn't mind those dentures either
12:35Wish I could pop mine out like that
12:38For a hand-pubber-raise on time
12:40Oh, bother
12:41Mm-hmm, Uncle Eddie
12:44He's not your uncle
12:45I was on his naughty list
12:47His last year
12:48And he spanked me with his cane like the bad niece that I am
12:53Christ's sake, Gail, he's not your weight
12:56Was that
12:58Part of the whole
13:00Never mind
13:00Bonnie!
13:04Bonnie!
13:06Bonnie!
13:06Bonnie!
13:07Bonnie!
13:08Bonnie!
13:18Bonnie!
13:19Bonnie!
13:20Bonnie!
13:21Bonnie!
13:22Bonnie!
13:23Bonnie!
13:38Bonnie!
13:40Bonnie!
13:40Bonnie!
13:52Bonnie!
13:57Bonnie!
14:00We're here today in the presence of Christ
14:02And look at this place
14:03Look at what you have done
14:05All the invitations, the decorations
14:07It's very festive
14:08That's what I said
14:09I said it's festive
14:10Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
14:14Thanks so much for the gift, boo
14:15Sorry I was being a cow
14:18Wayne, Christmas is not in the presence
14:21It's in...
14:22His presence!
14:24Oh, that's clever
14:25Yeah, right?
14:26I don't like to see
14:27Webber and Bowyer come with anything that good
14:30In summation
14:31Christ is the only gift
14:33The only gift?
14:34The only gift
14:35The only gift
14:35Oh, so you don't want this gift?
14:37Oh my lord, is that a gift for me?
14:38Oh, it's a traditional song
14:42Oh, it says Glenn, that's me
14:44That's so nice
14:45And then it says dear Glenn
14:46No, nothing
14:47In fact, that's fine too
14:48You don't have to write a personal message or anything
14:51That's the nicest part usually
14:52That's what my mom always said
14:53The nicest part is the card
14:54Always write a nice little card for people
14:56Because, you know, anyone can buy a gift
14:58Not everyone can write their feelings down on a card and be all sweet
15:01A pitch pot
15:02For you and your band
15:03The salty treats
15:04Kate?
15:06We broke up
15:06What happened?
15:08Remember those stories about Fleetwood Mac
15:10And how they'd blow cocaine up each other's poopers with straws?
15:14No
15:15Oh
15:17Were yous doing that or?
15:21I don't know
15:24No
15:25We weren't
15:26One of the treats ended up with another one of the treats of the sweetie
15:29And they stuffed each other's stockings
15:31So we're all done
15:32Well there you go
15:33And Wayne
15:35You're adorable
15:36But why would you give me a pitch pipe of all people?
15:39Me, who was blessed by the lord himself with perfect pitch
15:43To aid in the delivery of his message
15:45Listen
15:47Meh
15:49Meh
15:51Meh
15:52Meh
15:52Meh
15:53Oh
15:54Oh
15:55Spirit of Christmas
15:56It's now inside of me Wayne
15:58Oh
15:58Can we celebrate with a song?
16:00No
16:01What about a song?
16:02No thank you
16:03A hymn for hymn?
16:04Glenn why don't we just do a photo and we can keep this rig rolling
16:07Okay
16:08I don't mind not even
16:09Just let me
16:10Get into the proper Santa and the elf position here
16:13Oh that's it
16:14Oh that
16:14This is not going
16:15Make sure the dig is in
16:22Next
16:26Hey buddy
16:26Hey bro
16:27What's up buddy?
16:28Having a spit?
16:29You?
16:30I was gonna have a spit
16:32I don't even know what your fucking names are but if you're a hockey player get in here
16:36I'm spitting a little bit
16:40Merry Christmas
16:41Oh
16:42You got us a present
16:44Oh yeah
16:44It's tradition so
16:46Yeah
16:46Thanks buddy
16:48Thanks bro
16:48You're welcome
16:54Winning a ship brings pride and togetherness to a community
16:57Now he's all made us damn proud with your work with the Shamrockettes and this is so he has never
17:01forget it
17:05So Merry Christmas
17:11Yep and Happy New Year
17:16Jesus Christ
17:17Bonnie
17:19Oh
17:22Bonnie McMurray
17:23Bonnie
17:24I'll just jump in for a photo here
17:25We'll keep this rig rolling
17:41It's good or?
17:43Buddy
17:45So good
17:46Oh yeah
17:47You're so sick bro
17:48Oh there you go
17:50You wanna know why buddy?
17:52You wanna know what I don't know?
17:55Oh the uh college and uni girls are home for Christmas break
17:59Better Kenny Tinder game is fuego
18:01A lot of girls go away to school with big expectations of fun and romance
18:05But that doesn't always pan out
18:07School's tough bro
18:08With the comfort of their hometowns along behind them
18:12Finding your place in the world can be tough
18:14But when they come home for Christmas break and big expectations of school and the big city are behind them
18:20And then they realize
18:21Hey!
18:22Better Kenny is actually pretty sick
18:23Mhm
18:25And then we have sex with them
18:27And that's when the takedowns begin
18:29This afternoon the snipe called me up who was really rude to me before
18:33But this time she was really nice
18:36Did you take her down?
18:38I did
18:38See the snipe called me up today and she used to say
18:41I hate hockey players
18:42I hate them
18:43Mhm
18:44I felt the love today
18:45It was really special
18:46When you took her down
18:48Yes
18:48It was really special when I took her down
18:51Nice
18:52Thanks
18:55Okay get the fuck out of here
18:59Okay
19:00Home Alone
19:00It's practically the perfect Christmas movie
19:02That's a strong choice
19:04I show it to my players regularly
19:05You do?
19:06Yeah it's a moving meditation on pain
19:08Home Alone?
19:09Yeah
19:09Those two burglars should have been killed a hundred times in that movie
19:12Right off the bat the icy stairs Mark slips on
19:15Bam!
19:16That's a shattered spine
19:17Or at his age at least a slipped disc
19:19But no he gets up and walks around like he's just got a couple broken ribs
19:23Right?
19:24And then Harry walks in
19:25Boom!
19:25Shot in the balls with a pellet gun
19:27And then his head is lit on fire
19:30Right?
19:31Any other snowflake will be on the phone with 9-1-1 going
19:33Hey!
19:34My head!
19:35My head's on fire!
19:36But no Harvey kept going
19:38You know why?
19:39Cause it's a fictional children's Christmas movie?
19:42No
19:42Because that movie is an exposé on mind over matter
19:45Harry and Marv were mentally strong
19:48Alright?
19:49They had a goal
19:49They fought through adversity to get to it
19:52Now they never really got it
19:54But I'm holding my breath for part 5
19:55Cause Marv and Harry deserve it
19:58A projectile can of
19:59Ah!
20:00Paint being thrown down a full flight of steps
20:02And hitting you directly in the head would shatter your skull
20:04Killing you instantly
20:05Obviously fake
20:07Okay we need to have a conversation on suspension of disbelief
20:11In fictional children's Christmas movies
20:13Don't even get me started on part 2
20:15Marv gets shot in the dick with a nail gun
20:17And then up the ass with it
20:18Next scene
20:20Not even a li-
20:21Like
20:22You think we're stupid?
20:24It's a dark movie
20:25I agree, Derry
20:26Oh come on
20:28What in the McAllister's house had any true value?
20:31Did you see what they were stealing from the neighbor's house?
20:33Cutlery?
20:34Candlesticks?
20:35They weren't going after the big get
20:36It was never about the big skits
20:38Harry and Marv hate themselves
20:41That's why they kept going into the house
20:43Volunteering for pain
20:44Glottons for punishments
20:46Very reals
20:47Very serious
20:48Mental disorders
20:49And a treatable ones too
20:50Of course the first step being
20:52Is he got to ask for help
20:53And for many people
20:54That's the hardest steps
20:55You're saying they subconsciously wanted to die?
20:58On account of their traumatic childhoods most likely
21:00That's why they hated Kevin McAllister so much
21:02Because of his privilege
21:03Which I sure have no time for
21:07Harry and Marv are probably stills out there as todays
21:10Sufferings and silence
21:11Harry and Marv are in Vegas with tits in both hands
21:14And an ass in the other
21:15They're champions
21:16Okay
21:16They're London Bridge and Victoria's Secret models
21:19On a beach in Waikiki
21:20Okay
21:23What about the Santa Claus?
21:26The Tim Allen movie?
21:27Where whoever puts on Santa's suit becomes Santa?
21:30What if Santa died on Paul Bernardo's roof?
21:32Bernardo puts on Santa's suit
21:34Henceforth becoming a serial killer
21:35Which I sure
21:36I would watch that movie
21:37Henceforth making Carla Homolka
21:39Mrs. Claus
21:40What then?
21:41We stopped saying henceforth?
21:43John Wayne Gacy's roof
21:44He already dressed up in a clown costume
21:46To lure his victims in
21:47He could pull off Santa in his sleep
21:49Child's play
21:50Jeffrey Dahmers
21:51Now Santa Claus kills
21:52And eats his victims
21:54Skit!
21:58We don't celebrate consumers
21:59Christmas
22:00On principle
22:01Shut the fuck up
22:02It's Christmas
22:02Which I sure have no time for
22:05What if it's drugs?
22:11You shouldn't have
22:12Oh Wayne
22:14Okay
22:15Wondrous
22:17Hallucinogens?
22:18Perfituates?
22:18D
22:18Vitamin D
22:20Your pasty skin tells me
22:22You don't see enough sunlight
22:23Which can lead to vitamin D deficiency
22:25You ever had it?
22:25Um
22:26Trust me
22:28You don't want it
22:29We will not participate in your capitalist
22:32Patriarchal
22:32Non-pay rituals
22:35Which I sure have no time for
22:38Which I sure have no time for
22:38No time for
22:41Thank you Bonnie
22:42Thank you
22:43Bonnie
22:43Bonnie
22:45Hex
22:47He just wonders what it is
22:50Gonna open it carefully
22:52So we can use the ribbons
22:53Against next years
22:54Good thinking Squirrely D
22:55If you can be one thing
22:56You should be efficient
22:57Waste knots
22:57Want knots
22:58You know
23:01Pretty smart pencil case
23:02Eh?
23:03That's for your women's studies class
23:05You's been reading my mails
23:06Nope
23:06Just seeing you skipping off to class
23:08Every Tuesday
23:08With a pen pencil and highlighter
23:10Wrapped in a rubber band
23:11You know
23:11There's no reason to be looking
23:12For Professor Trisha
23:14Thanks good buddies
23:15Merry Christmas good buddy
23:26Cologne
23:28Buy us you sunscreen
23:29Banana Boat
23:30Well here's the scoop
23:30And I'm gonna tell you
23:31Banana Boat's not gonna do the trick
23:33With you wearing your barn clothes
23:34Every damn place you go
23:35Now when you head into town
23:36You give yourself a few spritzes of that
23:38It'll mask the smell proper
23:40Thanks good buddy
23:41Of course
23:42Not wearing your barn clothes
23:44Every damn place you go
23:45Is also a potentially fruitful option
23:54English on the back
23:55The reindeer effect
23:57Bootleg Korean Christmas thriller
23:59Sent from overseas
24:00By my good buddy Teddy Kim
24:01That's exclusive for your collection
24:03Has anyone seen the reindeer effect?
24:06The butterfly effect?
24:07No the reindeer effect
24:08I haven't ever heard of it
24:11Reindeer games with Charlize Theron?
24:13Dennis Farina?
24:15Dennis Farina?
24:16Ben Affleck?
24:16Yes please
24:17No the reindeer effect
24:19Ever seen it bro?
24:21Never seen it bro
24:21Put it on
24:22Yeah put it on
24:24Thanks for the gift big brother
24:26Thanks for the gift big brother
24:26Now that that's sorted
24:28You's uh
24:29You's been hearing any
24:30Talk around town
24:32About this maybe being the uh
24:35Best Christmas party ever?
24:45Well
24:46Well if it wasn't before
24:47It sure is now
24:55Now
24:57We honor the tradition of the three wise men
25:00Oh no American whiskey
25:01Oh no
25:02Irish whiskey
25:03Canadian rye whiskey
25:04I said fucking A
25:05You just wanna know what Christmas is all about
25:06This is what Christmas is all about
25:07I'm gonna tell you what Christmas is all about here
25:09Christmas
25:10Is all about coming together with friends and family
25:13And putting your squabbles aside for a little wee bit
25:16Oh
25:16And that
25:17Friends and family
25:18Is why I
25:20To the fucking
25:21Last time right?
25:22Last fucking time
25:22Fuck
25:23Love Christmas
25:24Hear hear
25:26Three wise men
25:27Three wise men
25:28Three wise men
25:35Okay
25:50Now
25:51Let's all have a spit
25:59Now
26:24By
26:51Sous-titrage MFP.
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