She Felt Unsafe In Her Own Home

Unfiltered Stories

In today's compelling episode of Unfiltered Stories, we have the honor of featuring Asha Adira's inspiring life journey. From a tender age, Asha faced the heartbreaking reality of being subjected to inappropriate behavior by adult men on multiple occasions. The fact that some of these individuals were people she knew, such as neighbors or acquaintances of her family, shattered her sense of safety and security within her own home.   Despite the immense challenges Asha has faced, she considers herself fortunate to be in a position where she can make a positive difference in the lives of children who have experienced similar circumstances. Through her unwavering dedication and determination, Asha has channeled her painful past into a powerful driving force for change and empowerment. She actively works to support and uplift these children, providing them with the guidance, resources, and compassion they need to heal and thrive. Asha's story serves as a beacon of hope, reminding us that even in the face of unimaginable adversity, we have the strength within us to not only survive but also to create meaningful change in the world. Join us as we listen to her awe-inspiring journey and bear witness to the transformative power of resilience and compassion.    #UnfilteredStories #SurvivorStories   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.   Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00Hi, I'm Asha Adira, and I experienced child sexual abuse and rape.

00:06My first experience of being sexually molested was when I lived in Jamaica.

00:14I was around seven years old.

00:16I remember it was Christmas time, and we had a guest.

00:21He was one of my aunt's associates.

00:23We had a big show in the park.

00:26This was the person who was asked to accompany us to the event.

00:31My sister came for holidays, and we jollily went to the show.

00:36There was a big crowd, so I was not able to see the stage.

00:41So this person, he lifted me, and he put me over his neck.

00:46And I was sitting with my legs over his shoulders,

00:50and he took advantage of me by moving my underwear.

00:55I was wearing a little dress.

00:56It was a little polka dot dress, and he slipped my underwear to the side,

01:01and he proceeded to touch me on my private part more than once.

01:06It was several times throughout the course of the night.

01:08I knew that something was wrong.

01:10It didn't feel right, but I just couldn't put a finger on it.

01:14I remember that same person, you know, the same sister.

01:19She recently revealed to me that he attempted to rape her during the course of that same time.

01:27She's about three or four years older than I am.

01:30My second experience, I was in high school, maybe just started high school,

01:35and I got a project to complete.

01:38We had different neighbors.

01:40I was raised with a caregiver and then a color caregiver.

01:44She was an aunt.

01:45We had a neighbor.

01:46He probably was in his early 20s.

01:48We were friends.

01:49I was about 12.

01:52So I asked him for his help earlier in the evening.

01:55You know, just as I came from school, you know, we would meet by the fence.

01:59And, you know, we would all convivate there as neighbors.

02:02There were other boys and girls who would just come by the fence and talk.

02:06I mentioned that I had a project.

02:08And he said he was able to help me later on in the evening.

02:11So it was dark and he came by the fence and he said that he was ready to help me

02:15with his homework.

02:16So we were going to head over to his place, you know, to do it on his porch.

02:21So I proceeded to walk with him.

02:25He lived like to the back of a building.

02:27So there were around four families that occupied that building.

02:31And he lived further to the back.

02:33As we proceeded to walk, he held onto my hand.

02:36I was a little bit uncomfortable because this was not regular proceedings, right?

02:42He never usually hold onto my hand.

02:44He held onto my hand and he pulled me.

02:47And I realized that we were walking past his porch.

02:51We were like headed to the back.

02:52So I started becoming a little resistant.

02:55And he pulled me, pulled me, kept on pulling me.

02:59And then I realized something was wrong.

03:01But at that time, I suffered from low self-esteem, a little bit of low self-esteem.

03:07So I was not very, I would say, assertive.

03:12I didn't know what to do at the time.

03:14There were some banana trees back there.

03:17There were other trees as well.

03:18But I remember the banana trees vividly.

03:21And he pulled me the bushes.

03:23You know, you could hear our footsteps just trotting through the bushes.

03:27And I don't know, I thought he was going to kill me.

03:29When we got to the spot, although it was dark, I was able to see like something white on the

03:35ground.

03:36You know, like chic.

03:38It was something of very bright color, like white or cream.

03:42He stopped there and then he proceeded to like take my, he lifted my skirt and he pulled down my

03:51underwear.

03:52And then he proceeded to rape me.

03:55It was a very traumatizing experience because at that time, I knew what that was.

04:02I knew that I was taken advantage of.

04:05He didn't say anything, right?

04:08But I felt as he penetrated me, I felt like I, all I could remember was when my grandfather, he

04:16used to sing this song,

04:18suffer the little children to come on to me and I will take them and keep them safe in my

04:23bosom.

04:23He was referring to, to Jesus.

04:26And then at that time, I wondered, where is Jesus?

04:30Why isn't Jesus helping me?

04:32Because my grandfather told me that Jesus was going to always keep me safe.

04:35Back to that night, I picked up the pieces and I slowly walked home and, you know, I went in

04:43the shower and I was crying and crying and crying.

04:47I remember when a cousin, she came, my cousin came and she knocked on the door to find out if

04:51I was okay.

04:52But I didn't say anything because I was, I was still processing what had happened.

04:57It so happened that night after night, the same person called me outside and he did the same thing every

05:04night.

05:05Like I said before, I had very low self-esteem.

05:08And then he told me that no one was going to believe me.

05:11You know, he was a grown-up and I'm a little girl.

05:14And believe it or not, this happened night after night for over a year.

05:18It felt like the norm.

05:20Even though it felt like the norm, I knew that I was taken advantage of.

05:24I was really stressed out.

05:26No one knew what was going on inside of me.

05:29Because it seems at that time, no one knew what to look out for.

05:33I'm certain that I was acting weird at some point, but no one knew what those quote-unquote weird behaviors

05:40were.

05:41During the time when I was taken advantage of, my caregiver had a spouse who used to come over to

05:48the house some nights.

05:50My caregiver, she operated a bar.

05:53You know, she worked at this bar, so she would come home late at night, maybe 10 o'clock, and

05:57she would come home with this person.

05:59So, she would go to take a shower.

06:02And when she went to take the shower, this person would call me in the bed, you know, just to

06:09talk to me.

06:10You know, like he was just getting to know me, you know, like a really nice uncle.

06:14So, I really liked him.

06:17He seemed like a really cool dude, right?

06:19And it seemed like he had a little bit of money.

06:22He was always smelling good and looking good.

06:26Clean cut.

06:27Sounds like, yeah, my aunt, I thought she, you know, she had won a prize.

06:32I was really drawn to him because he was really nice.

06:35Really nice guy.

06:36Night after night, he was getting closer and closer.

06:39You know, he would hug me, started hugging me until, you know, he started having me lay down beside him.

06:51And then, you know, I was laying down facing him, you know, just talking at night.

06:57Next thing I knew was that one night he turned me to the back.

07:02You know, my back was turned to him.

07:04So, my butt was, you know, right on his private part.

07:08And I could feel his private part.

07:12You know, at that time, I was being raped, right, by my neighbor.

07:16So, I knew what that was.

07:18The first time that happened, I felt very uncomfortable.

07:23And I'll say it again, I had very low self-esteem.

07:25So, I didn't know how to make any noise.

07:28I now saw my neighbor in him.

07:30You know, my neighbor told me to not tell anyone.

07:33And even if I did, no one was going to believe me.

07:36So, I started seeing, like, a reflection of my neighbor in this person.

07:41I tried to get away.

07:42I did get away from him.

07:45That night when that happened, he used to call me, right?

07:48When my aunt was in the bathroom, he used to call me.

07:51After that experience, when he called me after that, I did not go.

07:54I used to pretend as if I didn't hear or I would just go outside.

07:59With this same person, I remember that my aunt had a friend who was a friend of his or a

08:08family member of his who lived, maybe not even a mile around the road.

08:12And one day, my dad did not come with my money to go to school.

08:17So, I didn't have money to go to school.

08:18So, from work, my aunt called.

08:21She called the house phone and she asked me to go around to this house to pick up clothing from

08:26the line.

08:26So, I think she went to do some laundry in the morning before she went to work.

08:31It was overcast and it seemed like it was going to rain.

08:34So, she asked me to go to pick up the clothing from the line because she didn't want them to

08:38get wet.

08:39I walked and I went to the house.

08:42I had a key to the house because there was a key that was kept at our house.

08:45I took the clothes up, brought them inside.

08:48I remember I was in the middle room and I heard a sound.

08:52And time I could look up, I saw this person, the same person that night who rubbed on me.

08:58I was so frightened.

08:59And then I knew that I was in for something because this has never happened.

09:04So, he proceeded to walk towards me.

09:07And I remember him holding me down on the bed, you know, trying to take my clothes off.

09:14He tried to rape me and I was fighting him.

09:17I was hitting him.

09:18I used my hands to rip his glasses off and I was trying to get his eyes.

09:22I was trying to kick him and he fought me.

09:25Like, he fought me.

09:26He fought me maybe for 15 minutes.

09:28We were in that room and he tried to take my underwear off and he was rubbing his pants on

09:33me.

09:33He was just rubbing on me, rubbing on me, you know, like gyrating.

09:37So, he rubbed himself on me.

09:38I fought him and fought him until I couldn't fight anymore and he just, like, gave up and he left.

09:45You know, he used some really bad words to describe me as if I was the aggressor.

09:50I felt like I wanted the earth to just open up and take me in.

09:57I was so distraught.

09:58A couple years passed and it's crazy.

10:01We moved in that same house where this man attempted to rape me.

10:05I'm not sure what happened, but my aunt was able to move into that house.

10:09This was a really beautiful house.

10:10My family then, I would say my caregiver, my aunt and my cousin and my aunt's daughter probably thought that

10:17they had won a prize because it was such a beautiful house.

10:22But to me, that was like a prison because of my experience there with this person.

10:28In the same house, my caregiver, she also got this other person.

10:33I believe he was deported.

10:34He was deported from overseas, I believe Canada.

10:37And he came to our house to live.

10:40You know, it seemed like my aunt had known him for a long time, you know, before he, maybe when

10:47they were in their teens.

10:48So, he came to live with us.

10:51When he first came to live with us, he used to feed us.

10:54Man, he used to give us, like, jerk chicken.

10:57And back in those days, you were privileged to have jerk chicken, you know, pan chicken.

11:02Or at that time, we had just gotten KFC in Jamaica.

11:06We had KFC, jerk chicken.

11:09We were getting like a quart of ice cream.

11:12I'm talking on random nights.

11:14And for doing nothing, right?

11:16So, this man was grooming us.

11:18He used to give us 500, back then, 500 Jamaican dollars.

11:22It was a lot of money.

11:22I used to take the money, and I would take it to school with me.

11:26I would take it to my friends.

11:28You know, when my friends didn't have lunch money, I would help them out by buying them cooked food.

11:34At that time, it seemed like I was a rich kid.

11:37This person, it groomed me with the intent of taking advantage of me.

11:40And I remember one Saturday, and I was home alone.

11:45My caregiver was still working at this bar.

11:48And this man had invited a lady to his Asian-looking, and they sat on the sofa.

11:55They sat kind of close.

11:56It was a big sofa, but they kind of sat closely together with a little bit of space left in

12:02between them.

12:02So, they called me to come and take a seat between them.

12:05And this woman proceeded to hug me.

12:07She hugged me.

12:08I used this hand as she was just massaging my breasts.

12:12A neighbor who was a mechanic came to call this man, call him out.

12:16And he went outside, and this woman was still hugging me.

12:20And I just, you know, slowly just kind of swiddled.

12:24Then I got up, and I ran.

12:25I ran to my next-door neighbor, and I stayed there until my caregiver came from work.

12:30So, I believe that neighbor had saved me from a threesome, because I knew they were going to take advantage

12:35of me.

12:35It seemed like this person was involved in some kind of activities, because one day, I remember one morning, right

12:43before school, when I was about to get ready for school, I was on my way to the bathroom, and

12:48my caregiver's room was right there by the bathroom in the passageway.

12:53You know, on the way to the bathroom, you were able to see in the room.

12:56And he had just gone in.

12:59He used to stay out at nights.

13:00Most nights, he used to stay out, right?

13:03And he used to come in in the morning times.

13:05And one morning, I saw him.

13:08He just, like, tossed, like, a white t-shirt on the bed, and a big gun just rolled out of

13:13it.

13:13Now, when I saw that, I was so uncomfortable, because I knew he was after me, because of my other

13:20experiences.

13:21I remember one morning, when he came in, and, you know, he was, like, the king of the castle.

13:28We had to prepare his food.

13:29When he was home, whether it's breakfast, lunch, or dinner, even before I went to school,

13:35I had to cook his food.

13:36And that morning, I cooked the curd cabbage, and I brought it in the room on a waiter.

13:41And when I walked in the room, all I saw was his big penis just, like, to the side.

13:49And, like, he was, he said, come and hold it.

13:51And I stood there, and I was trembling with the tray, because I thought that he was going to take

13:56advantage of me.

13:57And I stood there with the tray, and I was just shivering and shivering.

14:01And it didn't happen, though, because I had the courage, and I tossed the thing down on the bed.

14:09I just, like, tossed it down, and I just turned around, and I almost, like, closed my eyes and walked

14:16out of the room.

14:17And I remember my cousin, she told me that one day he put his hand in her nose.

14:24Yeah, he said, smell this, this is my sister's private part.

14:27I knew that he was doing, he did some things to my sister.

14:33And also, I remember when my cousin, she used to go to school in the evening times.

14:38She never went to regular school like I did.

14:41So she went to what we call extension, extension school.

14:45And in the daytime, she used to stay under the bed.

14:49This man did not know that she was home all day.

14:52And I have a feeling that something happened.

14:55That's why she was hiding from him under the bed every day.

14:59She never went to the bathroom.

15:01She didn't eat.

15:02But she was so afraid of him.

15:04Man, I was so happy when I was around 20-ish.

15:10I'd moved out.

15:11And I heard that this man was sitting in his car in the capital city, Kingston, and he was shot

15:19in the head like he was executed.

15:22And at that time, for this person, it was, for me, it was a sigh of relief, even though it

15:28was trauma for so many other people.

15:31But for me, it was a sigh of relief.

15:33I felt like I had gotten justice.

15:35I didn't go to the authorities because of my first experience.

15:41Because that happened when I was seven, my first experience.

15:45But that second experience, when I was first raped, I was afraid because of what this person told me.

15:52You know, he said no one was going to believe me.

15:54They're going to think that I'm a liar.

15:56And no one will ever believe me.

15:58Okay?

16:00I was afraid.

16:01I was just afraid.

16:03And I remember the perpetrator who got shot in the head, the one who was executed.

16:09I recall when my dad, my dad came one day and he asked if this person was doing something to

16:18me.

16:18You know, he asked if he was, like, messing with me.

16:22He said, are you sure?

16:23Are you sure?

16:24Because he said, I'm willing to go to jail.

16:27I'm going to go to jail.

16:29I'm going to go to jail for somebody.

16:32And when my dad said that, I mean, I love my dad.

16:35I didn't want anything to happen to my dad.

16:38So that even made me even more scared to tell because he said he was going to do it.

16:42He was going to execute this person.

16:44This affected me so badly that at school, I did not attend any event, any social event.

16:51When it was time for report cards to be collected, I didn't tell my caregiver.

16:56I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to go anywhere.

16:59I didn't go anywhere.

17:00I didn't want to go to, like, school feds or little parties or the last day of school.

17:06I didn't go.

17:07I don't know.

17:08I didn't go because my self-esteem was so low and I was really sad inside.

17:13After I left school, I remember I had, like, straight hair, you know, it was permed with chemicals.

17:21And after I left school, I cut my hair off.

17:25One Sunday, I just went in the mirror and I cut my hair off.

17:29And I think my family thought I was going crazy because I just cut my hair off.

17:33At some point, I was suicidal because I felt like I was worthless.

17:37It felt like I didn't have a happy child.

17:41I was determined to move out of that house because it felt like the walls were always caving in on

17:47me because things happen in that house.

17:51And I started applying for jobs out of school, you know, after cutting my hair.

17:57I started applying for jobs, all different kinds of jobs, jobs that I was not even qualified for.

18:02And I don't know, it was the work of the universe that this psychologist, he was a renowned psychologist in

18:09Jamaica.

18:10He was on TV, very popular guy.

18:12He had a company, a market research company.

18:15And I was selected to, for an interview.

18:19Anyway, I was successful and I became a data collector.

18:23So I had to, I was trained on how to conduct interviews.

18:26So, you know, I was out there, but this was part time.

18:29I got different projects.

18:31I was doing research on behalf of TV stations, you know, beverages, like the, you know, like the big beverage

18:39companies.

18:40Yeah, food companies.

18:42And this kind of made me feel like I was doing something good, you know, I was doing something purposeful.

18:49But it still did not provide a solution to my issues because I still had to go back home to

18:55those walls.

18:56But I worked with that company for a year.

18:59And then one year later, I, I saw this advertisement for a position as a youth promoter with a very

19:08popular family planning company in Jamaica.

19:13I applied and I applied and I was successful.

19:15I was hired as a youth promoter.

19:18Now, before, before I was placed in the role, I was trained.

19:23And during training, they had to ensure that whoever was in the position did not have any, like, baggage or

19:31traumas.

19:32Right.

19:32Because this person was expected to go out in the community to influence young people.

19:37And I was that person.

19:39So I was selected.

19:41And I remember this lady, can't forget her name, her face.

19:47She was a social worker.

19:49You know, she has some experience in counseling.

19:51And, you know, I was able to open up to her and let her know what was going on, how

19:56I was feeling.

19:57And, you know, through, through scheduled counseling sessions, this lady helped to take me to a certain level.

20:05Right.

20:05And I felt like I was ready to go out there.

20:08And then I was talking to young people about self-esteem, human sexuality, good touch, bad touch, you know, STDs,

20:16HIV, etc.

20:19Relationships, decision making.

20:21And then I felt like even though I was doing this for these young people, I was doing it for

20:27myself.

20:28This was a part of my healing.

20:30Because the more I learned about self-esteem, the better I started feeling about myself.

20:34Anyway, this was a three-year contract.

20:37And I had to decide what I wanted to do with my life.

20:41So I applied to one of the most prestigious teachers' college in the Western Hemisphere.

20:48Reading of my school.

20:50I applied for the guidance and counseling program.

20:54So I was trained in education.

20:57And then I completed my three-year course in guidance and counseling.

21:02This was, attended this institution, made me realize how bright I was.

21:08That I was a really brilliant person.

21:10Because I was able to come out on top of my class.

21:13I received an award in the end for the best all-around teacher.

21:19I received distinction in the practice of education.

21:23And I graduated with first-class honors.

21:25And I didn't go to school.

21:29When I went there, I didn't have a laptop.

21:31I didn't have anything.

21:33So I was so creative when it was time for my presentations.

21:37Because I didn't do PowerPoints, right?

21:39But I was able to come out on top.

21:41And then I realized, like, you know, like, something just clicked inside of me that,

21:47Hey, I have been a brilliant person.

21:50Had I not been taken advantage of in my childhood, I probably would have been.

21:55But then I thought to myself, all of those things happened to me for a reason.

22:01Because as a guidance counselor, working as a guidance counselor, I was able to help put away one person who

22:11had raped one of my clients.

22:14This case went on for almost two years.

22:16But in the end, this person was imprisoned.

22:18And I was the one who uncovered what had happened on the first time.

22:24You know, then I knew how to observe children, how to observe abnormal behaviors in children.

22:33And I remember one morning, I saw that one of my favorite students, he was behaving real weird, real different.

22:42So I called him and I investigated.

22:45And it was on that same morning, he was raped.

22:48I knew what to do.

22:49And I did the right thing.

22:51And yeah, that person went to jail, went to prison for, he got eight years in prison.

22:56And I was satisfied.

22:58And here I am today.

23:00I'm in the process of completing my book.

23:03And I feel like deep down, I do have a purpose.

23:06I do have a purpose.

23:08You know, all of these things happen to me.

23:11I'm one person.

23:12But I know that there are so many other children, young adults.

23:18There's so many other people out there who have experienced what I've experienced, even worse or less.

23:27But I know that there are lots of traumatized people out there.

23:31There are lots of people out there who are walking around with trauma.

23:35I am now serving as the voice for those people.

23:39You know, my goal is to become a paid speaker.

23:42I'm on the road to becoming a paid speaker, to speak on childhood sexual abuse.

23:47My goal is to speak on how to cope with it, how families should cope with it, how families can

23:53help the victims to cope with it.

23:56Because I know that when families learn about sexual abuse, some of them are in denial.

24:02Or on the other end of the spectrum, they can become very upset.

24:06But they also have to remember that the victim is suffering.

24:10They have to get out of that mode and pay attention to the victim.

24:14My goal is to educate on how to cope, what to look out for in perpetrators who groom victims.

24:22Because I was groomed.

24:24I was groomed in more than one instances.

24:27So it's very important for parents or caregivers and stakeholders to be aware of what these grooming behaviors look like.

24:37What are some of the signs that you should look out for in children who might be going through sexual

24:44abuse?

24:44I'm not saying that all of these signs are unique to sexual abuse.

24:49But it's highly likely that, you know, certain behaviors such as thumb sucking and bed wetting, you know, those regressive

24:57behaviors could be as a result of sexual abuse.

25:00When I'm able to take someone from here and bring them up here, it feels very good.

25:07It actually feels like I'm walking in my purpose.

25:10It makes me feel real good.

25:12It's a rewarding feeling.

25:13I felt very good writing the book.

25:16Even though there were bad experiences, I felt very good writing the book.

25:21Because I know for a fact that this book is going to inspire somebody.

25:26If it's even one person, if it's even one person, then I know that I've done my job.

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