My Life Changed Completely After Mom Passed Away

Unfiltered Stories

Welcome to Unfiltered Stories. Today, our guest Romunda Hamilton shares her journey.  Romunda's mom passed away after she was shot by the mistress of her father when she was just 5. Abandoned by her father to her aunt's and grandfather's house, she had to suffer unimaginable pain.   #lifestory #childhood #healing   Follow Romunda here:  TT: https://www.tiktok.com/@touchofshunshine  YT: https://www.youtube.com/@UCphssJZ5EZZEDSdSjKAOQKQ   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.   Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00I'm Romunda Hamilton. I'm 49 years old. I like to share my story of my abuse starting when I was

00:07five years old until I was like 22 years old. I grew up in Bradley, Arkansas with my mother and

00:14my father in the home. I lived with my three siblings, my three brothers. I was the only girl

00:20and before my mother passed away I have a happy family life. She treated me like I was a little

00:27princess. My dad he was a um a good dad. My dad played with me. I remember playing outside with

00:34them and I remember them playing with my toys not because they liked baby dolls simply because they

00:42knew I would get angry. So I love them and they love me and my grandfather he was one of

00:48those old-timey

00:49people and he would tell stories and I loved listening to my grandfather and my mother she

00:55was a hard-working woman. She always took care of everyone else. My family they used to tease her

01:02that she would take care of a stray dog. She had four kids but she still had the heart and

01:08the room

01:09to take care of anyone else who may need a home, need a place to stay and she fed them

01:15and took care

01:16of them. My dad he was a great dad when my mother was alive but he was also a cheater.

01:23My dad cheated with

01:24this lady and she killed my mama because she was jealous of her. She hid in some bushes as my

01:31mama

01:31was walking home her and two other ladies and they jumped out of the bushes and shot shot shot my

01:37mother

01:37in the heart. There were other people around but instead of calling the ambulance they put my mother in

01:44a car and to take her to Hope, Arkansas which was 45 minutes away from Bradley, Arkansas. So by the

01:51time

01:52she reached Hope she bled out and I'm thinking that my mother could have been saved if she had received

01:59first aid attention. The people that did what they thought was best at the time and I don't hold in

02:05the grudges because that they were extremely concerned and thought that they could make it to Hope

02:11faster than the ambulance but they were sadly mistaken. The last thing that my mother said when she was laying

02:18in my uncle's lap she said tell daddy to take care of my babies and she died. She did not

02:26die instantly.

02:27She died really about 40 minutes later. When my mother died I was five years old. I was in kindergarten.

02:34The lady who killed my mother was a woman my daddy was cheating on her with and one of the

02:41other ladies

02:41that was there she was the mother of another of my father's children. He had like two sets of kids.

02:50The night my mother was murdered I remember crying begging her to stay at home. I remember saying Mary

02:57Nell Mary Nell I want you I want my mama stay home and I remember my grandfather telling me to

03:03shut up

03:04and stop all that crying. So I was extremely hurt that night. So I remember the night of her death

03:10extremely well because it was emotional for me because for some reason I didn't want her to leave

03:18that night. The next day when I woke up I noticed that my mother was not at home. So I

03:25ran through the

03:26house looking for my mama and then there was a knock on the door. It was the sheriff. I assumed

03:31because

03:32that they had to figure out who she was where she lived since they were in another town and my

03:37brother

03:38my older brother he just began crying. I was crying because I wanted my mama and I thought she was

03:44alive

03:45but I didn't understand that at five years old. A few days later at her funeral I seen her in

03:51the

03:51coffin. In my five-year-old's mind I thought she was asleep because my mother she worked at night and

03:59I'm used to her sleeping during the daytime. So I thought she was just asleep and I walked up there

04:05to

04:05her telling her Mary Nell wake up all these people around you crying get up. I wanted her to get

04:14up and

04:14take me home and the lady that I knew from the town she came up to me and said Shay

04:20it's okay to cry and

04:23I didn't understand why she wanted me to cry. I thought that she they were just crazy. When we got

04:28home

04:29I asked my grandfather where's Mary Nell? I kept on asking him that and he told me that she was

04:36asleep

04:36and I truly believe she was just asleep. I don't know how many times I asked him and how many

04:44times

04:44I searched for her and then he would tell me other things like she went on a long trip. So

04:50it was a long

04:51time before I realized that my mama wasn't coming back. That night when my mother died not only did I

04:59lose

04:59my mother. I lost my father also. My dad he abandoned us. He left us myself and my three brothers

05:07with my

05:08auntie and with my grandfather. My auntie she was extremely a mean tipper person and my grandfather he

05:17was a extremely quiet person but my auntie she used this time as a time to get revenge upon my

05:26mother

05:26because she hated my mother. She hated my mother because my mother was the responsible one. She was

05:34the kind one so she hated my mother for that and she took revenge out on us kids. She said

05:41this in an

05:41angry tone telling me I hate you. Your mama always dressed you up and had your hair fixed all up

05:49all the time and

05:50treated it as if you were something. That's why I hate you. After my mother died my auntie she

05:57exhibited unstable behavior. She always cursed. She always wanted to hit my grandfather. Every day

06:04was a battle. Every day it seemed as if she was a fighter and she always wanted to fight us.

06:12She would

06:13slap us. She would pinch us. She would pinch my brother's testicles. He cannot remember our mother

06:20cursing or hitting us after her death because I was given the task of taking care of everyone else in

06:29the household but not myself. I had to feed other people. I had to do all the cleaning. Even at

06:36five years

06:37old I remember having to clean up and wash dishes. I get slapped across the head when they are not

06:43clean

06:44enough. That's the type of household I grew up after my dad abandoned us. Our dad I don't remember him

06:50even coming to even check up on us to see how we are doing. But I know that my dad

06:57gave financial

06:58support. He did not give emotional support. I don't know when my auntie started dating the gentleman who

07:07first molested me. I was too young but I do remember seeing him at the house and I remember seeing

07:15him

07:16looking at me strange because I was scared because the way he looked at me I thought that I was

07:23doing

07:23something wrong because that's how adults look at you make it seem as if they are looking at everything

07:31you are doing. But one night I was sleeping in the living room with my brothers and my grandfather. My

07:38aunt

07:38wasn't there that night. Two of my younger brothers and I we were sleeping on a pallet on the floor.

07:45I was

07:46awakened by someone behind me and I knew it was someone grown because the high felt behind me there was

07:55someone big and that person when I woke up that person has already was in between my legs and I

08:03was so

08:04scared I was frozen and I opened my eyes up and I could see my grandfather right there on the

08:09couch and how you

08:11can tell someone is trying their best not to see something that's how he was looking. I didn't realize

08:18this until later that my grandfather knew that this man was in the house. He just didn't say anything

08:24but thank goodness at this time he did not penetrate me. He used my thighs as men do to jack

08:32himself off. I didn't move because I felt that this man would kill us if he knew that I was

08:40awake. And

08:41when he got up from the pallet I opened my eyes up just a little bit and I seen who

08:47it was. It was my

08:49aunt's boyfriend. But as soon as soon as it was daylight I got up and I ran and I found

08:56my auntie. She was

08:57sitting outside with the neighbor talking and I just ran up to her and I told her exactly what happened.

09:03She called me a bitch. I was five years old now. She said these are her exact words. You just

09:11want my

09:11man. And she told the neighbor she said she's lying because if he had raped her she would be walking

09:19funny and bleeding. My auntie and my grandfather made sure that I did not forget this event because

09:28they constantly brought it up saying that I wanted it. They told me that I liked what he did to

09:35me. No

09:36I didn't. I was five years old. As time went on other men began molesting me right there in front

09:44of my

09:44grandfather. Another one of my auntie's boyfriends when I was about six years old he came over to the

09:52house and he picked me up. I didn't know what was going on. He picked me up and carried me

09:58into the

09:59living room in front of my grandfather. This is broad daylight. This is daytime. And he got a blanket

10:06and covered our legs up with me in his lap. And he hurt me in between my legs. That how

10:13that I felt

10:14you hurting me. You hurting me. But my grandfather was sitting no more than three feet away from us.

10:21He didn't say anything to this man. And another time when this same boyfriend came over to the house.

10:28I don't know how many times he molested me but I just remember just three particular events concerning

10:35him. When he knocked on the door, my brothers, my three brothers, they said, run Shay, run Shay. And my

10:42older brother, he told me to hide on the bed. And my three brothers, they got a whole lot of

10:49clothes

10:49and stacked it on top of me. And I heard my my auntie boyfriend say, where's Shay? And my brother

10:57said,

10:58I don't know. We haven't seen him. And my older brother standing there like a guard at the door,

11:05as if he was going to. Now, I was six and he was eight. He was standing there at the

11:11door as if that

11:12if this man came here, I was gonna beat him up. But he didn't. He believed in when when they

11:20told him

11:21that I wasn't at home. They didn't know where I was. I was on the bed under a lot of

11:26covers. I was walking

11:28to the kitchen. See, we had an open floor plan, the kitchen, the room and stuff. And there was a

11:35knock

11:35on the door. Immediately, my grandfather turned to me and said, you know good and well what he wants

11:40to do to you? Run through the back door. Exactly what I did. I ran out the back door. See,

11:47I was no more

11:48than six years old. And he put the responsibility up on me to protect myself from someone coming to

11:56my home. But I did. And in my six year old mind, I thought that I was hidden among the

12:03sheets that

12:04was hanging on the clothesline in the backyard. And I don't know what my grandfather or my brothers

12:11told him, but he never came to the backyard searching for me. And that's the last memory of

12:17this particular boyfriend. When I was an adult, when I seen this man walking down the road,

12:25I stopped by him and I told him, I remember what you did to me when I was a little

12:29girl.

12:30You're a pedophile. And he just looked at me and stared at me denying it. And I found out later

12:37the reason why my auntie and him broke up is because my auntie gave him an STD. Thank God that

12:44he never

12:45penetrated me. He always played with me between my legs. When I was about seven, all this was just,

12:53they didn't give me a break emotionally, a break from this. Even though he never protected me before,

13:00I was still hoping that he would say something. Especially since an old lady was sitting right

13:06there on the porch. She seen this whole thing. She also did not say anything. And he dragged me to

13:13the

13:14back, um, to the back of the house. And again, he played with me down there and kept on telling

13:20me,

13:20who is this? Who is this? I just knew he was hurting me down there. So that was the last

13:27time that I

13:28remember this man blessing me. Even though for years, he tried to get me to come over to his house.

13:36And I

13:37thought for years that I was going to get a beating for disobeying him. When my auntie would tell me

13:44that

13:45you are fast, you just want my men, she said out of the blue most of the time. It was

13:52her conversation

13:53with me about how fast I am, how I want to have sex with men. She did not talk to

14:00me as a child. She did not

14:02say anything to me unless it pertain to or to sex. This lady, she wanted me, I found out, she

14:12told me

14:13straight up that the only way I can survive is if I learn to please men sexually. She said that

14:21I would

14:23have to sell my body or I have to live with a man to take care of me. So I

14:29needed to know how to please

14:31a man sexually. Now I realize that she was trying to brainwash me, even though this lady, she didn't

14:39graduate high school, but she knew how to brainwash. When I was seven years old, that's when my oldest

14:45brother, who is about 10 years older than I am, from my dad, he started hanging out at our home.

14:52And

14:53that's when he started raping me. He is the first person that I remember penetrating me. Even though

15:00I had said before that the first time I was molested, I was five. But my grandfather told me

15:07that the first time I was molested, I was six months old by my uncle. And he was caught

15:14touching me when I was in the crib. And my dad beat him up, kicked him out of the house.

15:21So as long as my

15:22dad was there, I was protected. But after he left, I was not. I was by seven years old. And

15:28he did this

15:29for two years. Within those two years, other men started having sex with me. But these men,

15:38instead of forcing us to leave the home, they would come into my bedroom. At night,

15:44while I'm asleep, I mean, my whole body would be hurting. I would have stains, of course, on my

15:50sheets. And even now at this time, I did not have breasts. But they would lick and suck on me.

15:57And I

15:58would just look at the corner in the room and just escape. I still have issues with keeping my mind

16:05and

16:05body together. I remember, I decided that I was going to protect myself by hiding by sleeping under

16:14the bed. Even though I had my auntie baby this time, because she forced me to raise her children.

16:21I put the baby in the bed with my grandfather. And I slept on the floor under my bed. And

16:27that was where

16:29I slept to keep men from having sex with me. I never told anyone where I was. And matter of

16:36fact,

16:36no one never asked. And one night, on one night, when I got up to go get the baby bottle,

16:45because I said, my grandfather will scream at me and say, no, go fix the baby bottle. I have to

16:50go to

16:51school in the morning. But if the baby moved, need bottle, need changing, it was me. When I walked into

16:58the kitchen to fix the baby's bottle, my auntie and her boyfriend at the time, he was the first person

17:04to make me feel as if I was a kid. When I walked into the kitchen, he and her were

17:10standing by the

17:11sink. And my auntie said, there she is. You can go and have her if you want her. And he

17:17looked at her

17:18in all seriousness. He said, Pat, I don't mess around with children. He called me a kid. He called me

17:25a

17:25child. And that's when that's when I realized that it was real men coming in there to hurt me. Because

17:33that in my mind, it was just monsters. My auntie, she was getting paid to sell my body. And how

17:42did I

17:42know this? Because she told me, remember my auntie, she was very open, forthcoming about her intentions,

17:51what she was doing. She didn't leave anything to the imagination. You would think that she would

17:57try to hide it or cover it up. No. And she started beating me more. Because she told me that

18:06I messed

18:06up her money. Because I act like I'm too good for these men. And they don't want to mess with

18:12me

18:13because I talked too much. I don't know how she didn't kill me. I should not be alive today. She

18:20beat me with her fist, kicked me, stretched me. I went to school with black eyes. Not one teacher

18:29asked me how I got those marks. Not one principal. Not one counselor. No one thought to ask me what

18:38was

18:38going on at that house. I found out years later that they all knew what was going on. And they

18:45all was trying to get me out of the house due by DHS. But that didn't happen. This abuse stopped

18:52when I was 16 years old. Only because that I went to school and I told my counselor I wasn't

18:59going back

18:59to their house. That because the night before, I decided to kill my auntie, her two kids, and my

19:06grandfather. Because they were causing me the pain. I can overhear my counselor telling the DHS worker

19:13that she isn't going back home. And I could tell that they were trying to convince him to force me

19:19to go back home. If I had went back home, I probably wouldn't be here. I probably wouldn't be the

19:25same

19:26person. Because either that she would have killed me or I would have been in jail for quadruple murder.

19:33Because that I would have killed them all. I wasn't protected within that household. I was blamed for

19:40my own rape and abuse. I was forced to become a mother at nine years old. And I hated those

19:47children.

19:48But at the same time, I loved those kids. I became a mother at nine years old because my auntie

19:54had a baby. Because I was abused as a child and I experienced all this trauma, I was unable to

20:04protect

20:04myself as an adult in my early 20s. This left me to pray for a rapist. I was raped when

20:13I was about 20

20:14years old simply because I did not read the signs. It wasn't my fault at all. But I knew that

20:22this man

20:23was attracted to me and I allowed him in my car because I wanted to be nice. He was stranded

20:30and

20:31I wanted to get him home. As I was taking him home, he snatched the keys out of the ignition.

20:39We ran into the ditch and he told me that it would be days before they find your body. I'm

20:45going to kill

20:46you. But you're going to give me some worse. And as he was raping me, a car was coming. We

20:52were just

20:52in the ditch and the car was coming and time I seen no headlights. But somehow I was able to

20:59push him

20:59off of me and I started running behind this car half naked. As soon as the car stopped, I jumped

21:08in the

21:08back. It was two Mexican immigrants. Does this dude have a gun? I said, no, he just have a box

21:15cutter.

21:15So they turned around. They said, we're going to get your car for you. And I said, he has a

21:21box cutter. He might hurt you. And he said, we will fight. We can fight. It was two of them.

21:27And

21:27by the time we got back to my car, my rapist was gone and my car keys was there and

21:34I was able to get

21:35my car and they escorted me to the police station. They saved my life. When I was about 23 years

21:42old,

21:42I started substituting, substitute teaching at our elementary school. And as the kids were playing

21:51on the playground, I was watching some five year old and six year old girls playing on the swings,

22:00on the slides. And all of a sudden it's popping in my head. I was that child. I was that

22:06child.

22:06I was thinking it's no way in the world that those kids can protect themselves against me

22:13if I wanted to abuse them. And that's when I started giving myself some grace because that

22:20I always blamed myself for saying or doing something to make these men want me. That's

22:28when I started that. I told myself, I do not have to have sex with anyone. So I began therapy.

22:36And

22:36after years of therapy, I realized that the fault lays with the adults. I had nothing to do with that.

22:45And I came to realization that we need to protect all children. Now, I still dealing with the trauma

22:56because I cannot be with a man sexually. I was able to build a, I was able to buy my

23:02own home.

23:03Matter of fact, I was able to buy several houses. I was able to raise my son. And right now

23:09I'm in a

23:10great place. Except with romantic relationships, everything else in my life is going wonderfully.

23:17My auntie, when she thought she was dying, she called me and she apologized. She only apologized

23:24because she thought she was dying. Because that when she survived her medical scare, she started

23:31behaving the same way. But not to me. Because we had a fight when I was 18. And I finally

23:38slammed her.

23:39And that's when she realized that she could not take me physically. But when she died, I did forgive

23:46her. I forgave her. But it doesn't mean I have to have a relationship with her. Today, I do not

23:52hold

23:53any hatred for my auntie or for my grandfather. My mama was the only decent child my grandfather had.

24:01She told me out of her own mouth that the rest of them had issues. But my mama was the

24:06only one that

24:07acted as if she cared about other people. I'm blessed to have a mama like that. And I'm blessed to

24:13have

24:13her personality. Even though I do abuse myself in ways that I isolate myself. But I make sure that I

24:23don't abuse others. I don't make my pain another person's pain.

24:27Take over time for love.

24:29To be honest, please.

24:32Pause.

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