My Life Story Living With An Abusive Partner | A Domestic Abuse Story - video Dailymotion

Unfiltered Stories

Stevie Croisant, who is our guest today, will share her story with domestic abuse and sexual assault with us. After leaving her home, Stevie began seeing a man, and over time, he began abusing her in various ways to the point that she began to fear she was going to die.  #TrueStory #Survivor #trauma   Follow Stevie Croisant here:  FB: https://www.facebook.com/stevie.croisant  IG: https://www.instagram.com/steviethieme/  Website: https://www.weareher.net/   #truecrime #survivalstory   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.   Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00Hi, I'm Stevie. I'm a survivor of domestic violence and sexual assault. The abuse that I

00:05experienced as a child feels hard to pinpoint because I've been gaslit so much. I know that

00:11there are instances where physical abuse happened, but in my mind, I'm like, we were,

00:16it wasn't physical. Clearly, there's a lot of emotional and psychological abuse there,

00:20but there was some physical abuse as well. I dated a lot. I was what is known in my hometown

00:25area as a homie hopper, a serial dater. I would literally just go from one relationship to the

00:32next. A lot of those relationships weren't great, super toxic. When I was in college,

00:36I made a promise to myself that I needed to get out of Illinois. I just realized that in order

00:43to

00:43have a healthy relationship with my family, I needed to have physical distance there. And so

00:50I ended up moving to a place called Bosman, Montana. It was incredible when I first moved

00:55here. I just, I felt like I had found a home, but because I didn't know anybody here, of course,

01:00you want to start dating. I was 22 and, um, in a new place, want to make friends. And that's

01:06when I

01:06found, um, the person who abused me. And I feel like I was just right for the picking because

01:12you, he didn't even have to isolate. I was already isolated. I was 22 years old when I met

01:18my main abusive partner. When I first met him, actually, I felt like I got a lot of red flags.

01:25We had a date at a bar and it was so awkward. Barely wanted to talk to me. I was

01:30like, oh,

01:30there's not gonna be a second one. Like what's wrong with me? You know? So all of these red flags

01:35that he was giving, I put it back on myself. The relationship progressed in a way that felt like it

01:41was constantly playing tug and war. Like, and now I know that's called the cycle of abuse. But what

01:48really hooked me in was I had just moved to this beautiful state. There are mountains and rivers

01:53and wildlife everywhere. And he was taking me to explore Montana. And I was able to see parts of

02:00the state that I think as a female traveling alone just would have never done. It just felt like a

02:06whole

02:07new world had opened up for me, which was really exciting. At the same time, there was always still

02:11a lot of hesitation. I just remember at one point I told him, you know, you never say sorry when

02:19you

02:19do something. And he blew up on me. And this was, you know, maybe a month or two into seeing

02:25each other,

02:26maybe not even officially dating. Also at the same time was realizing that if I left him, I also had

02:35really nowhere to go. Now looking back at it, no reason we should have been together. We didn't

02:40share, you know, the same goals or visions for our futures. I think in my mind, it's hard because

02:46I'm like, is that, is that all that you saw? Was that I was an easy target? Was there something

02:51on

02:52your side? Because there, there really wasn't anything else that should have been bringing us

02:56together. Our relationship did get worse. The first time I felt a major apprehension and wanted to do

03:03something about it was just a couple months into us dating, he said, you should move in. And I was

03:07like, I'm not ready for that. And he's like, well, if you move in with me, you can have a

03:11dog. You can

03:12have a dog at your apartment. And shortly after that conversation, I was hospitalized in the ICU for

03:19a week. And I remember they did all sorts of testing and nothing was coming back. When he came to

03:24the hospital, he'd come in with a soda and there would clearly be in a soda. It was hard for

03:30me because

03:31all the nurses would be like, oh, he cares about you so much. He comes and visits. But it was

03:34always

03:34like masked with like, he doesn't want to be here. He's making appearances. It became very clear that

03:40he, his reputation was something he cared about, not me. At the end of it, he was like, well,

03:47I guess you have to move in with me now because they never found out what happened to you. And

03:52if this ever happens again, I need to be there to take you to the hospital. He definitely started off

03:58with a lot of emotional abuse. And the first time that I remember abuse in our relationship was

04:03about six months in. I had just gotten my wisdom teeth removed. I was especially vulnerable. And

04:08I remember the doctor said, oh, take this medicine before you get to the doctor's appointment because

04:13it'll help put you out. That morning, it just so happened a lot of things were happening. I had

04:18a male friend from my childhood who was passing through Bozeman, Montana and asked if he could stay

04:23the night. And I said, yes. And I remember he made such a big deal out of it. Am I

04:27going to trust

04:27you? And I was like, it's one night we're friends from kindergarten. Like I've known him my whole life.

04:32And so this friend came over, we had dinner, I believe. And then literally like, yeah, he passed

04:37out on the couch. Nothing more than that. And I guess the next morning he was feeling very threatened.

04:42And that was the first time that I was assaulted by him. I remember that one feeling very

04:47manipulative because I had just taken this medicine that I needed to take in order to like

04:53be out of it. It really showed his true colors to me looking back, just knowing how vulnerable I was.

05:01I don't believe I ever talked to him after words. I think I already in that place in my relationship

05:07was feeling really scared. I think I did really love him. And I just know now that it wasn't

05:15reciprocated. Abuse in the relationship did progress. It did play into other aspects of my

05:20life, especially my job. There were things that he did to coworkers of mine. He would harass them

05:28or do manipulative things to them. It was just like sinister. The things that he would think of on the

05:34spot where I was just like, oh my God, I don't like that person, but what? Became very clear to

05:40me

05:41once I felt unsafe. I can't leave. If he's going to take the license plates off my coworker's car,

05:47just because I said that she was a little bit mean to me during a meeting, what is he going

05:51to do to

05:52me? It did escalate to physical abuse. There was one day where I was folding laundry on our bed.

05:58And so my back was to our door and he came up to me and had essentially just tackled me

06:02on the bed

06:03and just like route my hands behind my back and put my face down into the bed. But I remember

06:08feeling

06:08like I can't breathe. I'm going to, like, I was struggling to get out, moving a ton,

06:13crazy frenzied. And I thought I'm going to die. And so I just gave up. Life kind of sucks now

06:19anyway.

06:19Like I'm trapped in this relationship. I feel unsafe all the time. My family's far away. I don't have

06:25many friends here. My friends here are his friends. And I just gave up when that was happening. He was

06:31hitting me and pushing my face down. And as soon as I stopped struggling, he gets off and says,

06:36well, this isn't fun. In terms of him, you know, apologizing or trying to kind of keep me in the

06:42relationship, he didn't have to do much. I never got sorries. I never got thank you gifts. I was

06:48never really love bombed. I think I just came from such a damaged childhood and knowing what my mom had

06:55gone through and other abusive dynamics I saw play out. I just assumed this is how relationships worked.

07:02I think after the sexual assault, I felt this bigger loyalty to him, which may sound a little

07:07backwards. But I tried my hardest to be like, I have to be the sexiest, most like wantable girlfriend

07:15to this guy. And maybe in my head, it was like, if I'm putting it out there, then maybe it

07:20won't

07:20happen when I don't want it to. And right after that instance of sexual assault, that first one,

07:27he was rejecting me hard. And I felt so unwanted. It messed with my mind even more because it's like,

07:34well, you can do this to me. But now that I'm approaching you, you want nothing to do with me.

07:39And that was almost a cycle that we went through where it would one way and then the other one

07:44way

07:44and the other. And I was constantly just trying to be wanted, but only when I wanted to be wanted.

07:49And as soon as I'd give up, it felt like that's when another assault might happen.

07:53I knew I was finally done with him when it really affected my career. I had gotten a new job

07:59four or

07:59five months before him and I ended up calling it quits or before I left him, I guess. I was

08:05told by

08:05my boss that if I did a really good job, I would get to go to this work trip to

08:09Hawaii. And so I

08:10worked so hard and I got the invitation to go to Hawaii and I was stoked. Yes. I was so

08:17proud of

08:18myself, which was such a new feeling for me too. At the time, there were so little things that

08:22I felt like I could actually take ownership of and be proud of. And this was one of them.

08:26And so, of course, he tries to take that away from me. I just remember as soon as I get

08:31to Hawaii,

08:32all of a sudden, he was super disrespectful of the fact that I was on a work trip,

08:38calling me all the time, demanding my attention. Then he started accusing me of sleeping with

08:42coworkers or guests at the hotel. And that's why I wasn't responding to him. Threats of like,

08:47if you don't answer, I'm going to throw all of your shit on the lawn. And when you get home,

08:51you're never going to be able to see your dog again. I would try and run out and be like,

08:54I'm doing this for work right now. Can I call you at this time? And the time zones were so

08:57messed up.

08:58He's like, well, I'll be asleep then. So you need to like adjust your schedule of mine. And I'm

09:03freaking out. And finally, it just dawns on me like this isn't worth it. Like you've worked so hard.

09:09And I think the moment it really dawned on me was when my supervisor sat me down and she said,

09:13hey, I really wanted you to come. What's up? You are not doing a good job this week.

09:21And so hearing that type of feedback, I'm so glad that she said it in a graceful way,

09:27really sparked something for me where I was like, whoa. And so she sat me down and I just remember

09:33crying being like, he just keeps texting me all the time and calling me and I don't know what to

09:37do.

09:37And she just patted my back. And the next day I woke up and I called my dad. I remember

09:43being like, I'm going to leave him, but I need help. And really getting my family involved. And

09:48my family had made it very clear that they did not like him. I called my parents and my best

09:53friends back in Montana. And we all made this plan of where we're going to help me leave. Like

09:57literally had to make an escape plan. So I'm in Hawaii in paradise, right? Like formulating how this

10:04works. And so I was like, okay, my plane should get back on Tuesday. And my dad and my mom

10:09were

10:11gracious enough. And I'm so fortunate to have this resource where they saved money and got me a moving

10:15truck and a storage unit. And so we had all made plans. Okay. You're just going to have to fake

10:22it

10:22till you make it, you know, until Friday and then Friday call off work. We're all going to call off

10:28work. We're going to move all your stuff out into the moving truck. We're going to put it in the

10:31storage unit. You'll be fine. Um, and I am so grateful. Long to have a community that I have

10:38because without them, I don't think I'd be here. Um, but yeah, I, we made this plan and I leave

10:51Hawaii and my flight was delayed by a day. So there was one more day where I got to be

10:55in Hawaii instead

10:56of back home and back home. I was so afraid. I just had to act literally to save my life.

11:03I was never like a good theater kid or anything. So it was literally like, yes, sir. Like I messed

11:09up. I am to blame. I am at fault. How can I make it better? Even though in the back

11:13of my head,

11:14I'm like, I did nothing wrong here. Friday morning comes and I pretend like I'm going to work.

11:19He goes to work. He turns left. I turn right sort of thing. And then I double back and I

11:23go back home.

11:24And you know, minutes later, my friends are there, the moving trucks there. We're moving stuff out.

11:31Um, and I think I would have gotten out seamlessly except for he kept messaging me all day on Facebook

11:37messenger. And you know, it says seen. And I was like, I'm ignoring this like a couple hours. I'm

11:43not going to be in your life anymore. And it was all like, we should get, you know, have dinner

11:47plans

11:48and go here. And do you want to make reservations? And I was like, not with, I was ignoring his

11:52messages

11:53all day packing everything into the car. Well, he got suspicious and came home over his lunch break.

11:59And we were almost done. Um, and I'm just so grateful. My best friend's husband was there

12:05because my ex tried to put on this big flair of like, you know, he was trying to be this

12:11macho

12:11man or something and was like trying to be intimidating. And my best friend's husband was

12:16like, bro, no, you don't scare any of us. Like her stuff's gone. Say goodbye. It's over.

12:22And I was just so grateful he was there. Ooh, we're out of there. Everyone's safe. I was really

12:28nervous about guns because he had firearms. I was really nervous about him trying to start a fight

12:32because he would always say, I love fights. I love fighting. It worked out really well. And it's just

12:38because of the great friends that I have out here. When he found out when he was there, he obviously

12:43got

12:43really, really mad after I left was just doing everything in his power to cut me down or make me

12:52feel bad, manipulate me more. Him and I had a loan together and he was basically like, well, I'm not

12:58paying this anymore. You can pay it. And I just remember going to the bank and being in tears. And

13:02that woman clearly knew that I was in an abusive relationship and was trying to do everything that

13:08she could to like help me out. It was just this constant battle of him just nitpicking little

13:13things to try and upset me all the time. Like I remember me checking my email became just such

13:20this emotional rollercoaster because I had changed my phone so he couldn't text or call me. So he would

13:25just email me every day about stupid stuff to just cut me down and make me feel bad. Part that

13:30hurt me

13:31the most was finding out that he started dating a minor as soon as I left him. They dated for

13:38five

13:38years on and off and ended up getting married as soon as she turned 18, I believe. Um, her and

13:42I

13:42are now really, really good friends, which is awesome. Um, but he ended up doing a lot of the

13:49same things to her that he did to me. In 2019, she approached me after she had left him for

13:54the final

13:54time and was like, I think I want to report him for salt. Like, will you go with me? And

14:00I was like,

14:00you know what, if you do that, I will do that too, just to back your story. And I went

14:04into this

14:05with the mindset of, I will literally just be a witness. She's reporting him. And what it turned

14:11out to be is they took my story as well. And maybe a month or so later, he was arrested.

14:16And so he

14:17spent six months in jail. And so right before the pandemic in December of 2019, um, we kind of had

14:24the

14:24court case happen. And, um, I think the part that was hardest for me was as this progressed,

14:31the prosecutor that we had really gave me a lot of hope. You know, you're telling your story. We're

14:36getting evidence from both of you. This man is going to go away for a long time. There are multiple

14:40felonies here that he's committed against the both of you together. And so I went from being,

14:45oh, I could just be a witness to all of a sudden, this is both of your cases to nothing's

14:51probably

14:51going to happen. This is the justice system after all to, oh, like something could really

14:56happen. Like this guy could really get put away. And things just kept adding up. Like when they

15:00raided his house, they found firearms in it. And we both had orders of protection against him.

15:05Um, and it just seemed like they were, the odds, odds were stacking against him. Court is, is terrible.

15:13Um, it's really re-traumatizing, but he ended up not having to serve any time. And then the crime that

15:20he also got in trouble for was when they raided his house, they found a road sign in his house

15:24that he stole. And he got in a lot of trouble for that. And so it just felt like the

15:28law was

15:28prioritizing a road sign over my life and my safety. And it just felt like we had been hyped

15:35up, hyped up, hyped up the whole six months he was in jail just to be let down majorly. I

15:40don't think

15:41he's having the same impact that I'm having or that the other woman who went to court with me is

15:47having. Um, it just feels really unfair.

My Life Story Living With An Abusive Partner | A Domestic Abuse Story

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