00:00It truly is every mom's worst nightmare that I am living. I lost my daughter at 39 in six weeks.
00:05I went into labor naturally and then during the labor process her heart just stopped beating.
00:10My grief has made my brain so foggy and I cannot keep up. Time feels like it's moving
00:16way faster than it should. Months later she welcomed good news but the trauma of that
00:20loss kept resurfacing. I am six weeks five days pregnant today. I have my first ultrasound tomorrow
00:27and I'm beyond nervous. It's hard to feel any hope when you're pregnant after loss like there
00:33are moments during the day where I'm like oh my god I'm so excited like I feel really good and
00:37then
00:37I backtrack and I'm like wait wait don't get excited because we know what happened last time and I wish
00:41that feeling would go away. Her pregnancy continued safely but that feeling sadly never went away. I'm
00:47officially 35 weeks pregnant after a full-term stillbirth which means I'm getting induced in
00:51about two-ish weeks. Due to my history and my past my doctors all agreed that it's better for me
00:55to
00:55get induced at around 37 weeks pregnant and since the loss my daughter Bella happened at 39 weeks
00:59and six days my anxiety seems to be getting worse and worse as days progress. I only know what it's
01:04like to parent a child in heaven so I find myself questioning myself like will I be a good mom
01:08to an
01:08earthside kid? Will I be able to properly parent Bella in heaven and then baby girl earthside? Which makes
01:13pregnancy after loss and parenting after loss so incredibly challenging. Weeks later her baby was ready
01:18to meet her. She gave birth to her healthy baby and both are thriving.
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