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00:00This is weird because we haven't met but I'm just gonna say out loud I'm obsessed by you
00:06Everybody this is Chris. Say hello. Hi
00:10Chris does this extraordinary thing on social where he talks to birds. Who was the naughtiest bird this week?
00:18Spud the little owl
00:20Spud the little owl?
00:23Where does Spud sleep?
00:25In her aviary. Okay, that's a shame
00:30I'm so nervous. I didn't need to touch people
00:34Nice to see you. Nice to see you look divine. Hello. Oh, I'm gonna do this with everybody
01:06Get ready
01:08And approve of the carpet to be honest. It is too late if you loathe
01:13We have an amazing audience and it's now time to welcome our brilliant guests
01:18He is a triple threat comedian presenter author. He's got a new book called common decency. It's Tom Allen
01:36I've been nominated for 11 Grammys and she's currently in the West End production of the Devil Wears Prada. It's
01:43Vanessa Williams
01:52She is the writer and star of absolutely fabulous and national treasure and she's here to talk about her new
01:59film the magic faraway tree
02:00It's Jennifer Saunders
02:13We started everything from Jurassic Park to the Grand Budapest Hotel
02:17He's also a musician and has a new album out. It's the wonderful Wizard of Oz himself Jeff Goldblum
02:39Thank you so much. Have a seat. This is I can't believe it. Thank you for coming on the first
02:46and possibly last
02:47No, it won't be
02:49We're gonna enjoy ourselves. We'll end with the conga
02:52Imagine you said you said it's the last show. I'll be cut to in a blink of an eye
02:5830 years from now the longest-running show ever
03:08I'm going to start with this. How do you feel about the set? I think
03:14I'm loving I'm like I like the height yet. Go ahead because and I like the back being here being
03:20close to the actual back
03:22Yes, you know, they don't have back. Oh, I'm so sorry
03:29I'm basically on a buffet actually or my parents used to have a buffet and then when I came out
03:35they suddenly changed it to the footstool
03:44Yes, this is its maiden voyage, right? It's all all new. I would call this a hunter green possibly. Yes,
03:52correct. Very manly kind of
03:55British screen. Yes
03:57Hunter would you call him?
03:59emerald green dark teal
04:01Would you dark white teal?
04:03Would you like to meet the woman who chose the color of the sofa?
04:08Here's the scene we go to a basement a sort of sofa workshop. Oh, yeah
04:14We all go as a gang we meet a woman called Trudy. We couldn't decide between two colors Trudy is
04:20here Trudy
04:29You you chose this color did you not it was really you chose the color amongst 70 other options
04:39And we designed and made the sofa that it goes on well done Trudy
04:45What would you call this color, please? I would call it a very dark teal?
04:57Well, you guys who work in furniture shops are great
05:00It's not a furniture shop. Oh, I beg your pardon
05:05It's a boutique
05:11You don't get this with what you've got
05:21This is what I live for as a gay man
05:29The last time I bought any furniture though, I went in to buy a mattress and I walked into the
05:33shop and the woman said hi, I'm fair and I went oh my god
05:39Good mattress a deep one. I hope mmm. You know what buying a mattress is complicated
05:43Have you ever bought one I bet you've not bought one you're a Hollywood star. You don't buy furniture
05:51That's what they say always invest in a good bed or good shoes. Yeah, because if you're not in one
05:55you're in the other
05:58Not that you're gonna have that and it we went in and she was like and she said you gotta
06:03lie lie on it lie on the bed
06:04Lie on it like they put down that plastic sheet as though. It's gonna be so comfortable. I'm gonna immediately
06:09piss myself
06:11So I'm sliding all over the place and and then she gets on the bed next to me
06:16What I know and then she said a cuddle for it basically and then she said how do you sleep
06:20which sounds sort of accusatory?
06:23Something you shout at people in court is that how do you sleep?
06:26And I said well, I don't know. I'm usually asleep and she said well, are you supported? I said I've
06:30got some very good friends
06:35And then she said and and do you have nightstands and I said well that is
06:46That's what I think
06:49Explain that joke to me because
06:55The double meaning of that of course is a nightstand next to the bed the piece of furniture Trudy
06:59Yeah, but his nightstand because I think it's a Britishism is the double on tonda which is French for fish
07:05of the day, I think
07:07I
07:07Is a nightstand is that is that like a like a one-night again counter a one-night encounter. Yeah,
07:14we don't say that in America
07:15No, I've never had a nightstand
07:17I thought you just meant an erection
07:18Do you know what I thought of many things this way it was gonna go
07:24I didn't think we'd be here with three minutes
07:26Quickly not so quick not so fast
07:29Okay, you to Vanessa you are linked by hairdresser
07:38There's a battle tonight because Sven does both of us you booked him first
07:49Started this morning
07:54Six years
07:57Miss those days talking about a hairdresser
08:02Yeah, I would love to talk to you about your album look at this
08:15Think so really fontana, you know
08:18Great and my other people my friends helped me do that that the graphics of it
08:24I do like it night blooms is the name of it
08:26It's a kind of a companion piece to our other I rather fourth album, which was still blooming you get
08:31the connection
08:34And I love this album very much. It's jazz, you know, we play jazz
08:38We're called Jeff Goldblum in the Mildred schnitzer Orchestra and just to name a few
08:42So yeah, how many in the orchestra?
08:45Five
08:45Two?
08:46Oh
08:46That was a joke I made a joke but last year for the BAFTAs I had the honor of playing
08:52during the in-memoriam section
08:53I played on the piano with their orchestra
08:56Um so you did remember as time goes by oh, I thought it was ding-dong the witch is dead
09:06No, that's macabre
09:08No, it was it was you know, it was as time goes by that beautiful song and we liked it
09:14so much that on this next album
09:15I sing a little bit of it and I play some more and there's some and there's an orchestra on
09:19this one
09:20Which brings me by the way you may you brought you triggered something else in me just now. This is
09:24lovely
09:26Ding-dong, which is dead Cynthia Erivo the great Cynthia Erivo amazing and I on this next album with strings
09:33and a big band do a
09:35Newfangled version of if I only had a brain
09:38Oh
09:45So and many other surprises, but thank you for bringing it up
09:48I'm very crazy about this album. We have a clip of you playing not a song from this album, but
09:53I believe the last one, but it's fantastic
09:55Okay
10:08Oh
10:22It's so lovely
10:30You know you paid when you were young I love this story
10:33I don't know if it's true and used to phone restaurants just saying I hear you need a pianist
10:37Can you imagine when you were really like 15?
10:40I was sort of I had some moxie or something like that and I was full of beans and even
10:44though around 10 years old after my dad said if
10:46You find something you love to do that may be a vocational guidepost and I'd set my
10:51Heart to an acting career but around the same time I was taking and had fallen in love with jazz
10:57and the piano and I
10:58Thought I was being clever and looked at the phone book and called cocktail lounges around Pittsburgh
11:03I was 15 I think at that point and said hey, I hear you need a pianist
11:07They'd said no, we don't know what you're talking about. Who's this? No, no, we don't like never mind
11:10But a couple of people said we have a piano come over and play it
11:13I got a couple of gigs that way and my parents would drive me to the thing and I started
11:17to play
11:18It's almost the seed of what this has become. Yeah, like that, you know
11:27I have become slightly obsessed with your wife because she sometimes
11:32Performs with you. We have a clip. She's spectacular. Here we go. She's
11:37This is Emily. Look, look. That's Emily
11:41Isn't she amazing? She's and she was in the Olympics
11:47She Emily Goldblum for heaven's sakes whom I met at the gym 14 years ago
11:52She was doing something like that. I won't want to go and said what are you doing? Look at that.
11:56That's it. The world-famous
11:57I don't think anyone's listening to you
12:02Troubadour, you know the Troubadour? Yes
12:03We perform. We did three sold-out shows
12:06She's amazing!
12:08We did three sold-out shows there and Emily who was in the Olympics doing rhythmic gymnastics
12:13She was that year that she went to Sydney and did that she was the Pan-American champion
12:18She was the best of that in North South America. She's fantastic. She's still a world-class athlete as you
12:24can see
12:25She's doing that. She's amazing. We did that a month ago at the Troubadour
12:29Anyway, that's Emily Goldblum. This is just like looking at me at home
12:35So how do you compete with that? You know when you go home and one of you says I'll put
12:39some toast in and does four cartwheels and puts it in with her
12:43She does every every move is like it's quite a picture. She's
12:48Astounding but yes, but you can also do something rather wonderful. Well, I do this
12:53It's not a little bit activity yet. I can wiggle my ears, but one at a time
12:58Watch oh
13:00This ready. Yeah
13:08Oh
13:08Oh
13:09I apologize
13:11Unbelievable
13:13Jeff you've started obviously in Oscar-nominated Wicked the biggest musical film in
13:19Yeah
13:20Yes
13:23This is my favorite thing
13:25I don't know whether this is true, but please say it is that
13:28Occasionally you would look down the lens and speak directly to the editor and say I like that take or
13:35is that true?
13:35Yes, I would do takes I was trying to do a good job and sometimes as was my want to
13:41do
13:41I think is the phrase I would after a take I would go
13:45He would go and cut okay
13:48Jeff says Myron Kirstein that's that's I say that's that's a good one
13:53Just so you know our editors called Steve. He's happy with any notes you have
13:59Over there if you said something that you're particularly proud of you just say Steve add yes
14:04I think I've been lively tonight Steve and I say any any
14:09Genuine moment that especially I like the spontaneous ones
14:13Yes, where there's a real connection which I've felt strongly with us
14:16So I say so far anything is good for the show
14:20Fine
14:21They will take that
14:26We all trust Steve
14:28You are going on tour you're gonna start in Wolverhampton. Oh, I love the Hamptons
14:38You know this was all arranged, you know for us
14:44How many towns are you doing we're doing they're doing it you know
14:48We've been to Glastonbury and several you know in the last several years and Ronnie Scott's we played all over
14:53the place
14:53Would you like to know more about Wolverhampton?
14:56Maybe the eateries you should go to if there's a statue a small aquarium. I believe Corey is here. Hello.
15:03Hi, Corey. Hello
15:04You you've been to Wolverhampton. I am from Wolverhampton. Okay, so Jeff's there for a couple of days. Let's give
15:10him a full schedule
15:11I'd like it laminated where should we go?
15:14Jeff what you should do is you should get off the train in Wolverhampton immediately get back on and leave
15:23a
15:30Couple of hours, okay, is there somewhere delicious? No, it's great. Wolverhampton is absolutely great. We have we have a
15:36Nando's
15:37a white
15:37A Nando's chicken
15:39It's a chicken restaurant. It's a chicken place. But being on tour there's always something to do. Well, yes
15:44No, I love going around Britain on tour. Always a little museum. There's a pencil museum
15:52What do you mean? I love pencils. There's a lot of shop mannequins
15:58What's your pencil of choice now what is I used to I used to once I go to over my
16:03criminal period when I was
16:05Eight or nine fine. I stole yeah other kids pencil. We had those desks that went like that. Yes
16:11You know when everybody was going out in a line
16:13I'd be the last one and I'd wait behind
16:16Desks and I'd steal their pencils I
16:19Hoarded and collected pencils until one day somebody went Jeffrey has all our pencils and then it was very embarrassing
16:25and I'm cured
16:26I'm a very honest
16:29Stealing because the way your face lit up at the sound of the pencil music
16:33I hope there is a pencil museum now
16:36Do you like a classic HB do you like ones that you can know I don't like a mechanical pencil?
16:43I'm very particular with my ballpoint pen can I throw this into the mix?
16:48Because this is going to blow your mind. There is a woman here in this room who designs
16:55pencils
16:56No way! Correct! I'm getting goosebumps. I'm telling you this is
17:00You're getting goosebumps? I'm dying! I'm dying!
17:02Designed pencils!
17:04So, Amy, are you here? Yes
17:06Amy, tell me what you do with pencils and and stationery all round
17:12So I've developed new types of pencils
17:15Develop new types of pencils?
17:17Do you because we don't want to upset him because he's our very special guest do you do the
17:24pencils we have one
17:26Well, I'm open-minded, but I don't like them
17:30What's the best thing if that's not too much pressure that you have ever designed so our
17:36Best pencil is the drawing pencil which has the creamiest. Oh, it's creamy
17:42It's the creamiest pencil and has the widest core does that mean the lead that goes through it?
17:49Yes, is there a pencil museum because I'm did I make it up there is it's in the lake district
17:54lake district
17:55Are you going to the lake district?
17:56I am now
17:59I'm going
18:03Thank you, Amy
18:04How brilliant you're here. Let's have a round of applause for England
18:08Oh, I know
18:09Can I say you know what you remind me of the other the touring around England in plays
18:14You all know that play I'm sure the dresser
18:17Oh, yes
18:18Lovely play
18:19Great
18:20Courtney did it
18:21And then and then Anthony Hopkins and Ian McKellen redid it in a remake
18:25Ian McKellen made me eggs
18:27What?
18:28I didn't hear about that
18:29Scramble
18:29How did you do the eggs?
18:30Yes, I was going to scramble
18:32A little salmon on the side
18:33Yeah, some toast
18:35Toast?
18:36Lovely
18:37Sit down or sit down
18:39Did you get a sit down?
18:39No, sit down
18:40Sit down
18:41Barstool or chair
18:42Barstool or chair
18:43And a proper proper dining table
18:46Yeah, just the two of you
18:47Just the two
18:47No, no, no, it was a group of people
18:48Gosh, did you do all the eggs at once or did it in person?
18:52Personally, personally
18:53That's very bespoke eggs
18:55Personally
18:56I tell you that's how you get the night
18:57And you plate them
18:59Scrambled
19:00I had scrambled eggs and smoked salmon this morning
19:02Yeah
19:02Oh, thanks
19:03And toast
19:03That's the champions
19:04Guys, about two hours ago we started talking about night blooms
19:08Yes
19:08And I would just like to lift this up and say when when is it out?
19:12June 5th
19:13There we go
19:13Wow
19:13Night blooms
19:14Thank you
19:17Brilliant
19:17Jeff, no, you are amazing
19:20Um, Jennifer, we have to talk about your film The Magic Far Away
19:24Well, you're saying my film, I'm in the film
19:27No, it's your film
19:28Okay
19:29Uh, let's have a clip
19:30It's just like you said
19:31It's enchanted and wonderful
19:33Dad and I just felt like a place like this
19:35Will bring us all back together again
19:38Grandma
19:38I will get them back to the city if it is the last thing I do
19:42Sorry guys
19:43Better start packing
19:46You wish to cross the lands
19:48To locate a spell
19:50To save your house from your evil grandma
19:54We know all of this
19:56You know all that because we just told you it
19:58All right, no need to get shirty
20:06It's just a lovely film
20:08How much fun was it to make?
20:10Just so much fun
20:11Gone
20:11A great wig
20:12I was going to say your hair was meant to have a wig
20:14A really good wig
20:15We just have a look at freedom
20:17Oh my god
20:18Look at this wig
20:19Look at this wig
20:20That's the hair I want
20:22I love the fact that you're flacking
20:24I want that hair
20:25You don't do any matter
20:26No
20:27See nothing
20:27It's so thick and it just stays in that shape
20:30I love it because now
20:32You see this is Sven
20:33Most of this is
20:35There's a
20:35Most of a sort of a nun's hair has been woven into
20:38In sort of extensions that are
20:41You know nuns sell their hair
20:42And they get made into extensions
20:44They do
20:45Do they really?
20:48Yes
20:48Do they sell what for money?
20:50Nuns sell their hair don't
20:51Yes
20:51Thank you
20:52Thank you
20:52I'm just agreeing because it's Jennifer
20:54Whatever she says
20:56But I love the accent
20:58I love everything about Frieda
21:00How did she
21:00How was she created?
21:02Because I thought it was a small part
21:03I wouldn't have to do very much
21:04And but they said will you come in for rehearsal
21:06And I went yeah of course
21:07And it was with Andrew Garfield
21:09And Claire Foy and the children and I thought oh this is quite
21:13This big time you know because you've sort of been grappled into this big movie
21:18And I thought I better I better try hard
21:22But I had no idea what was going to come out of my mouth when I first opened my mouth
21:26And I thought you know I might go a little bit Danish because I can make
21:31Because I can make the danish noises do not the ticket
21:35Yes
21:37It's almost fluent
21:38Yes
21:42Yeah
21:42Yeah
21:43So I put a little inflection of danish into when I read the part and when we finished they went
21:49we love the german and I went
21:52No, I said I was sort of more day no german's good german's good
21:56I thought yeah, I had to do the whole I had to learn a german accent then and do the
22:00whole thing in german
22:02But it gave me the character so it was lovely so lovely you guys are so good at accents
22:07The preparedness that you've given you've been given in in schools is amazing and you have to show up for
22:14You say what i'm not training you you're not
22:18It's extraordinary I mean they can throw on an american accent immediately and like refine it
22:23So it's midwestern is a new york what period time period is but also do all these other ones
22:28It's really i'm very impressed i admire that terrific i admire you're a great artist
22:36Can you do a london accent not really
22:45I want to talk more about this one because the location is so beautiful
22:49Tell me you were somewhere you were in a very lovely part of the countryside
22:54um and near a wood
22:57Near a wood because it is called the magic far away tree. It is about a tree that's magic and
23:01very far away
23:12There is somebody here because i believe you also have a place in the country
23:17Yes, there is there is somebody who lives i think in your neck of the woods and would is that
23:21scary slightly
23:24They go on they do something rather magical in my hood it's i believe it is in your hood okay
23:30anna hello
23:31What have you done this week?
23:33So my neighbours and i have been helping toads cross the road to prevent them getting squashed by the cars
23:38as they're migrating to their pond
23:40To breed and we've had i think we've helped about a thousand toads in the last few weeks
23:44A thousand toads that saved a thousand toads
23:51Wow are you are you
23:54Is it like directing like like signs no signposts no signposts so i have my head torch and my gloves
24:02and a bucket
24:03And we pick them up off the road we put them in the bucket
24:06And we help them to get to the gate near the pond so they're not going to be on the
24:10road have you thought about building i don't know a tunnel
24:15Do they say i know this is a word question but i've i've committed to it do they say thank
24:20you
24:21No but they have the most beautiful little chirping sound you can hear them when it's a really quiet evening
24:27you can hear them kind of chirping chirping
24:29In the pond and they're really amazing they're very sweet very very good hey
24:39Do you know the end of that pt anderson movie who did this year's one battle after another oh yeah
24:44i know yeah of course magnolia
24:46Magnolia where all the toads or frogs you know come you fall from the sky
24:51Spoiler alert jeff spoiler alert
24:53Happens right at the end steve steve if you feel cut that into
24:59i love it
25:03If you could save one animal oh what would it be i would save a horse would you yes well
25:10i'd need the hair for my extensions i'd have to be chopping off
25:13Yes i think for the hair because for the hooves yeah for the mental health
25:23What would you say tom you know what none of them
25:28You know people say oh it's so relaxing to go and spend time in nature but you look closely all
25:33They're doing is eating each other it's disgusting you watch those david attenborough films horrifying
25:40People love it don't they put it on while they're having their tea a lion ripping a gazelle to shreds
25:47You know they fall asleep while they're watching a dolphin drown a whale
25:53Horrible why would you save any of them i think the sooner we get rid of them the better
26:04It's a different view that's and i think that's what this show is about correct
26:09It's very it's like question time but for drunk celebrities
26:16Okay jennifer where can we see the magic faraway tree i think it's out on march the 27th correct
26:23Yes we can't wait we'll all go
26:30Vanessa i have to talk to you about the devil wears prada i went on friday every seat is full
26:37and they are
26:37Screaming and when you come up the most beautiful thing people are like
26:43Somebody who was like in tears screaming standing up it's a thing it's like a rock concert yeah
26:49Describe the show just for anyone who doesn't know well uh there's a young girl named andy sacks who is
26:55a journalist based on a true story
26:57And um she lives in new york she applies for a job at runway magazine which is a very famous
27:04fashion magazine
27:06A.k.a vogue and she has no idea who miranda priestly is nor her reputation
27:11And she gets the job as the assistant and now they're doing a sequel to the movie i know
27:17Who knows what's going to happen this time there's much excitement
27:21Let's have a clip of the devil wears prada story oh my god
27:26What if i don't want this life everybody wants to be us
27:30The devil wears prada
27:35The devil wears prada
27:46That's all
27:56It's fun. I can show up and be in a bad mood and not care because I can just be
28:01miserable the
28:01whole time. And it doesn't matter. It just makes the world better. But, you know, I have to say,
28:06it's I love this country and I got a chance to meet the king. Like, you know, I've done things
28:13not just as a tourist and not just as a working actor, but these extraordinary experiences.
28:19You know, I did the Royal Variety Show. I mean, it's it's been it's been heaven.
28:23How much fun was it working with Elton? Oh, my God. I mean, not only is he a legend and,
28:30you know, growing up, listen to his music and going to his house in Windsor again.
28:33Stop. Another opportunity that, you know, a normal tourist would never get, you know,
28:39tons of fresh shoes. Oh, I don't know. You are living the life. He is so honest.
28:47That's what I love about him. He's so frank. And the first time I met him, we were doing the
28:52workshop in January 2024, and he had just had his first knee surgery. And I walked into the
28:58rehearsal room and his sweats were down by his ankles and he was showing everybody his scar.
29:04But all I saw was his bums. Yeah, okay. Yeah, we're going to be friends. What about the dressing
29:10rooms? The difference between Broadway, if you like, and the West End? On Broadway, you
29:14can choose your, well, you can choose your paint colour and, and rug colour. Yes. Stop. Yeah,
29:20yeah, yeah. Dark teal. Yes. Yeah. Is that coffee? Modka? Modka? I don't like colours being called
29:30after drinks. That's the secret. Trudy! Trudy! Trudy! Should we give Trudy a drink? I'm quite
29:39frightened of Trudy now. It's not a good, nice cognac. Well, cognac's beautiful to drink,
29:43obviously. But, um, yeah, we just had an old-fashioned before we came on. Good job! Good job!
29:52Um, this is what I love, Vanessa. I'm just sharing this with the group. You have something rather
29:57special on your rider, and it is a dog. Now, I agree. When you look at Vanessa, beautiful,
30:05like, sort of, absolutely gorgeous, that bone structure, you think, small, a little, like,
30:10a powder puff of a dog on top of a cushion. Yeah? Ladies and gentlemen, meet Roscoe. Yeah!
30:16Oh, wow! Wow. There he is. Roscoe. Is that a Great Dane? Yeah. He is so beautiful. And
30:26he comes to every show. Yeah, he's got his giant bed next to my make-up table. Look at
30:33him! He's amazing. Yeah. He's enormous. He's a Great Dane? He's a Great Dane. I had a
30:37great Dane. Did you? Can't remember his name. But, uh, yeah.
30:41LAUGHTER
30:43It's a joke. It's a proper joke. It's a joke. What's his name?
30:46Roscoe. Like, Roscoe Chicken and Waffles. I love Roscoe Chicken and Waffles. Roscoe Chicken
30:50and Waffles. Roscoe Lee Brown. You didn't know Roscoe Lee Brown, did you? I know who he was,
30:53but it wasn't... What's going on? I don't know. I saw Roscoe Lee Brown. I don't know.
30:58I saw Roscoe Lee Brown. I don't know. I saw Roscoe Lee Brown.
30:58Lanford Wilson play, you know. I want my ham. I want my ham. Trains, two trains running.
31:03I saw Roscoe Lee Brown. Anyway. It does, it does feel sometimes like I'm in a nursing
31:07high. LAUGHTER
31:10LAUGHTER
31:12I'm joking. I'm joking.
31:14It's the best thing in me ever.
31:16There were a few moments when there was this talk of this Roscoe fella that nobody knew
31:22except you guys knew him very well. Chicken and Waffles and the dog
31:26and the bit of the cognac.
31:30LAUGHTER
31:30Gosh, I am older than I realised.
31:33LAUGHTER
31:33So, to be clear, you have Roscoe.
31:36You have Woody. You love your dog.
31:38We have Woody. We have three dogs.
31:40Yeah, Jennifer. You have a dog?
31:41Of course I have a dog.
31:42I breastfeed him.
31:44And you have a dog.
31:44I...
31:44No.
31:45No.
31:46I do.
31:48Tom, you, I believe, you're on the fence regarding a dog.
31:51I would love a dog but I worry about having a dog because I'm away a lot
31:54and they're obviously a big responsibility but I would like a dog.
31:58Shall we tip the scales?
32:00Yeah, I'd like that.
32:01Are you ready to meet a dog?
32:02Oh, my God.
32:04Oh, no.
32:04Please welcome Percy.
32:06Oh, no.
32:08Oh, no.
32:10Oh, no.
32:10No way.
32:11Come on, Percy.
32:12Come on, Percy.
32:13Oh, my God.
32:14Oh, Percy.
32:15What?
32:16This is Heather who owns Percy.
32:18Look, how can you not?
32:20I will, I will.
32:22What do you think?
32:23I love him.
32:24I gave him a biscuit so he's happy.
32:27Look, Percy loves you.
32:29Hang on, I feel like this isn't fair.
32:30You've got treats for him.
32:32He's never got...
32:32Oh, Percy.
32:34Would you like a little tree?
32:36Lively.
32:36Would you like a little tree?
32:37Come on, then.
32:37Come on.
32:38Sit down, this is Tom.
32:40No, never.
32:40He's more interested in you.
32:41This is the story of my life.
32:42I mean, just get boxed down the dog.
32:44Come on.
32:45Seven.
32:46He's seven.
32:47Look, he's taken to you.
32:49Look at that.
32:49Oh, hi.
32:51Good boy.
32:52Yeah.
32:53You want to go and live with me?
32:54You want to come and live with me?
32:55I can have a dog like that.
32:56I don't know whether you can take this dog.
32:59He's your dog.
33:00He's your dog.
33:01OK, he needs to leave.
33:02Thank you so much.
33:03Thank you, Percy.
33:04Thank you, Heather.
33:04Nice to meet you.
33:05Nice to meet you.
33:06Yes, you were right.
33:07Bye, Percy.
33:08You got attached to it already.
33:10What do you think?
33:11I don't think he actually like me that much.
33:13Don't take it on lightly, unless you can commit to a lifelong responsibility.
33:18You're right.
33:18And I spend a lot of money on furniture, so will they...
33:21I don't want them weeing up against it.
33:24Thank you so much.
33:25So, Vanessa, Devil Wears Prada is on until when and where, please?
33:30We are at the Dominion Theatre.
33:32I am going to be there until October 17th, and the show will run definitely until next year.
33:38OK.
33:46I commit right now to attend every show until you're out of it.
33:49I'm going to be in every show.
33:51When you're not in Wolverhampton, having a chicken wrap.
33:54Yes, exactly.
33:55Tom, you are going to musical theatre.
33:57You're about to star in Titanic.
34:00Indeed.
34:00And I'm very...
34:02There we go.
34:03About to set sail.
34:05It is...
34:06Tell us all about it.
34:08Well, it is the most extraordinary show.
34:11I saw it when it first opened over here.
34:13It started in America.
34:14It's like the most ridiculous retelling of the film Titanic.
34:18And it's as though Celine Dion was actually on board the ship of dreams.
34:23And she got drunk.
34:24And this is how she remembers the story of Titanic.
34:27And it's told through her songs.
34:29So Celine Dion is the narrator in the show.
34:32So that's kind of bonkers enough as it is.
34:34And then added on to that is you've got people like me who play,
34:38you know, Rose, the Kate Winslet character.
34:41Her mother is Ruth and that's made by me.
34:43So...
34:44And not really in period dress at all.
34:47I have an Alice band on with some birds attached to it.
34:49Don't ask why.
34:50Just enjoy it.
34:51And it's just such bonkers fun.
34:53We're all coming.
34:54Well, I think you would all love it.
34:56I think there's something about it that's just kind of out of this world.
34:59It's just joy.
34:59Just joy for a couple of hours.
35:01Can't wait.
35:01Where's it on?
35:02It's on at the Criterion Theatre.
35:05And I'm in it until the 12th of April.
35:07But it's booking through until June.
35:09We can't wait to sit.
35:11Thank you, one person.
35:14Please come on.
35:17Tom, is it true that your theatre is haunted?
35:20Well, they say there's a man in the circle who sometimes walks across.
35:24And I thought I saw him, but it turned out it was just the lighting man.
35:29I think there are stories about him.
35:31But the more you look for him, I think the less he's going to appear.
35:34Right?
35:34It's like a husband, isn't it?
35:38Yeah, there's supposed to be one in the Dominion.
35:40Her name is Eleanor.
35:41She was like 10 years old.
35:43And there used to be some giant beer vat or some kind of brewery in the bottom and there was
35:49an explosion.
35:51And beer apparently flooded that whole Tottenham Court area.
35:54No.
35:55And this was a young girl that died in this flood of beer.
35:59And she is a 10-year-old girl.
36:03Drunk.
36:03Absolute drunk.
36:05Stumbling to the hallway.
36:06Stumbling around.
36:09The Drury Lane Theatre used to be just the bottom half of a man sitting in a seat sometimes.
36:16Yes.
36:17Would you like to chat to somebody who converses with ghosts?
36:20Yes.
36:21Yes.
36:22Maxine.
36:23Hi.
36:24Hello.
36:24Hello.
36:24What is your advice to Tom?
36:27He's going to be performing, singing.
36:30He looks up to the circle.
36:32Should he bow?
36:33What happens when you see?
36:35When you see them.
36:35I think if you want to see this ghost, you can ask.
36:40I mean, they will reveal themselves to you.
36:43Spirits.
36:44When you say reveal themselves.
36:46As in show...
36:48As in show their spirit body.
36:51Oh, my goodness.
36:53Should I be on my own when I ask?
36:55Well, I don't think that matters, really.
36:58It doesn't matter.
36:59I just think the cleaner is sometimes there, so...
37:03How brave are you feeling?
37:04Are you happy to see them if they appear in front of you?
37:07Well, I suppose, how do you know if they're a malevolent spirit or happy spirit?
37:10Well, you know, you're a good chap, aren't you?
37:13I mean, generally...
37:13You'll be really bitchy about your performance.
37:15If you're the bitchy!
37:18If you're the kind of person that's not got a good energy,
37:22yourself, you know, you're kind of an evil person, you're acting in...
37:26No, no, he's very charming.
37:27No, I know, I know.
37:28But if you were, you can then attract beings that aren't so nice.
37:33Well, it seems like a lot of pressure now.
37:36Will you let us know, please?
37:38Well, I will, but not if it's a bad spirit.
37:41It will reflect terribly badly on me.
37:43It will be like a parent, a parent's evening, like,
37:46I did my best!
37:49When was the last time you spoke to a spirit?
37:52Um, yesterday.
37:54I did a reading for somebody and I see them and they talk to me.
37:58Wow.
37:58Is there anyone here?
38:00I'm not working right now and I think that's the misconception.
38:02Oh, I like the way you just clock on and clock on.
38:06What is that?
38:10Let's hear it for Maxine.
38:11Let's hear it for Maxine.
38:13Fantastic.
38:14Do you like that movie called...
38:15It's a union thing.
38:16I get it.
38:17It's a union thing.
38:18It's a union thing.
38:19Hey, you know, in this light, you've turned it to an angle.
38:22You know who you look like?
38:23Go on.
38:23Very young, handsome John Travolta.
38:26Yes.
38:27Correct.
38:28Correct.
38:29Wow.
38:31Correct.
38:31Until I was just sitting here a moment ago
38:33when you were talking to the spirit lady.
38:35Tom.
38:35Oh, my goodness.
38:36And I was possessed by the spirit of John Travolta
38:40since he shaved his head.
38:43Tom, you have also written a very brilliant book.
38:46Oh.
38:47It's a novel.
38:48Your first novel.
38:49My first novel, yes.
38:50Common Decency.
38:51Tell us all about it, please.
38:53Well, I've written two non-fiction books about myself
38:55and this is the first time I've created a world
38:58and some characters to inhabit it.
39:00And I wanted to write about suburbia
39:02because I think it's sort of a boring place
39:04that everybody ignores.
39:06But actually, I've realised that's where all drama happens.
39:09But it's about the sort of secrets and lies that exist
39:11in our kind of otherwise quite mundane lives.
39:14So I wanted to...
39:15I just...
39:16I like the idea of kind of...
39:17Well, I live in suburbia now.
39:18I live in Bromley, which is kind of archetypally suburban.
39:20And I like...
39:21And I'm on a WhatsApp group.
39:22And I've come to love all those trappings of, you know,
39:25people on...
39:25Do you have a WhatsApp group?
39:26You know, any with your neighbours?
39:27Oh, where they all like...
39:28You know, it's supposed to be to help your neighbours.
39:30But it's just, you know, a load of, you know,
39:32idiots shouting nonsense into the wind.
39:35So...
39:35And how often do you ever post?
39:37No, I just like to watch it.
39:38The only time I like it is when people say
39:39they're putting out furniture on their driveway.
39:41Something which I like to call street tapas.
39:44LAUGHTER
39:47I love that!
39:48I like...
39:50You know, but I like the sort of community aspect of it.
39:54I've always enjoyed that kind of thing of it all.
39:57I'm loving your face, James.
39:58Oh, you love to run over those toads.
40:02LAUGHTER
40:04You've put your foot down.
40:06APPLAUSE
40:07Do you do WhatsApp groups?
40:09I...
40:09I can't...
40:10WhatsApp groups are the bane of my life.
40:13Really?
40:14I can't spare them.
40:14Can you like...
40:15Do you like a WhatsApp group?
40:16I like one of the family...
40:17I like this one, just my family is enough.
40:20But then when they start having private conversations
40:22within the WhatsApp group...
40:24Disgusting.
40:25You then get a ping and it's just a fucking emoji.
40:28LAUGHTER
40:28I just can't bear them.
40:31Yeah, fine.
40:32Unless it's family.
40:33Family is fine.
40:34And if it's...
40:35If you've got one thing, like it's a holiday or something,
40:37and then it's got its purpose,
40:39but don't mince about within it.
40:41Fine.
40:42Keep it strict.
40:44Fine.
40:44I like it.
40:47There's a character in your book
40:50that I love...
40:51Oh.
40:51..called Miranda.
40:52Oh, yes.
40:53We talk about her.
40:54Well, I've tried to write about different generations as well,
40:56because, again, I like the way that people mix
40:58in the best parts of suburbia.
41:01And Miranda is somebody whose true past isn't really known.
41:05However, she is somebody who,
41:07even though she's in her 80s,
41:09wants to experience all of life.
41:10She's had a bucket list,
41:11and now she has a different sort of list.
41:13You can say it.
41:14Her fuck it list.
41:15Oh.
41:15And that includes things like taking acid.
41:18Because I just sort of think,
41:19if I make it to an old age,
41:22rather than sort of going out with a whimper,
41:24wouldn't it be great to experience acid?
41:28Or to try all those things you never thought you could try before?
41:31Why not?
41:32Dawn and I, my friend Dawn French and I,
41:34once thought we'd be really daring,
41:36and we got an ecstasy tablet.
41:38Oh, goodness me.
41:39And we thought we could take,
41:41well, I think it was something with a rabbit on it.
41:43It was about that big.
41:45And we thought, one day, I said,
41:47well, be alone.
41:48And then it became such a matter of planning
41:50as to when we could take half an ecstasy tablet.
41:56And so we kept it,
41:57and kept it on Dawn's mantelpiece like that.
42:00And then one day, just about six months later,
42:02and we go, OK, we're ready.
42:04We had water.
42:05We didn't know what to expect at all.
42:09The pill had gone.
42:10No.
42:13Your dog was looking lively that day.
42:17And it was quite a relief.
42:18Yeah. Thank goodness.
42:19Thank God we don't do that anymore.
42:21No drugs for us.
42:22The dog was out in the garden,
42:23jumping up and down.
42:26Having sex with the dragon.
42:29This brilliant book is out when, please?
42:31It's out on the 21st of May,
42:33and you can pre-order it right now.
42:34Am I allowed to give this to Jeff?
42:36I won't keep it.
42:37I'm not keeping it.
42:38I like the puppy dog.
42:39Really.
42:40Here, tell me when to stop.
42:42There.
42:43Left or right?
42:44Left.
42:45Tell me when to stop.
42:47No.
42:48We all need to discuss the planning application,
42:52of course.
42:53Interrupted Donald.
42:54I assume that's what this is all about.
42:56We are going to need to take action,
42:57if the rumours are true,
42:59about changing the area.
43:00I love it.
43:01There you go!
43:04There are definitely moments of exposition.
43:06You have to realise that you have to cover it.
43:08Right.
43:09That is it.
43:11I just want to check,
43:12do you feel like you've covered everything?
43:14Is there anything you want to sell a bit harder?
43:17I don't want to sell anything more,
43:19but I have not covered even the tip of the iceberg.
43:23No.
43:24Geoff, I've got to go night-night.
43:26I never thought I'd say that to a guest.
43:28Not tonight, on another occasion.
43:30Because my curiosity has been inflamed.
43:32This is amazing.
43:33By this audience, by you,
43:35and by this group.
43:36My God.
43:37Tom.
43:37Anything else?
43:38I went to buy rotisserie chicken yesterday,
43:41for lunch,
43:42and they'd sold out before lunchtime.
43:46Who is having a registry chicken for breakfast?
43:49Some people are perverts.
43:52Well, thank you all.
43:53We are so grateful.
43:55We are off to eat salami.
43:57Happy with that?
43:58Yeah.
43:58Good.
43:58I would like to thank my utterly brilliant guests.
44:02Tom Allen.
44:04Vanessa Williams.
44:07Jennifer Saunders.
44:10And Jeff Goldblum.
44:13We are back next week,
44:15and I'll be joined by Joanne, Nally, Gus Khan,
44:18and Niall Horan.
44:19Thank you so much for watching.
44:20Good night.
44:26The Makeover Challenge goes Olympic.
44:29RuPaul's Drag Race UK versus The World,
44:31next on BBC One.
44:33And it's all about sisterhood in their chaotic family.
44:36Meet the Walsh sisters on BBC iPlayer.
44:38Press red now.
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