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00:10Do-do-do-do-do
00:30Do-do-do-do-do-do-wa
00:32Do-do-do-do-do-do-wa
00:47What do you think you're all playing at?
00:50Squeeze, please. We are not playing. We are arguing.
00:55I'm five minutes late and you're all getting at each other's throats already.
00:58He's insulting my prophet and he's insulting my guru.
01:02Well, sit down. Come on, all of you.
01:04Sully, sit down.
01:06Danielle, I'm surprised at you. What were you and Max arguing about?
01:09Well, nothing. Honest. I just asked her to come for a Greek meal
01:13and I thought we could have a little bit of this and a little bit of that.
01:16It's a little bit of the other that I don't like.
01:21Giovanni, what were you and Juan quarrelling over?
01:23He's a microphone of Santa Maria.
01:25Look, Santa Maria, the Virgin Mary.
01:27No, Luigi Santa Maria, the Italian footballer.
01:31Italian footballers, animals.
01:33You shut your mouth, you big Spanish onion.
01:35Hey, hey, shut up!
01:37Sit down, you.
01:39If you all spent half as much energy on learning English as you do on arguing with each other,
01:42you'd be word perfect by now.
01:44As it is, you still have a lot to learn.
01:46Just over a week, you take your examinations and I don't think you're quite ready at all.
01:50Squeeze, please. You are committing a mistake.
01:53No, I'm not. You may have mastered a few verbs, but you speak English atrociously.
01:57All we need is a little electrocution.
02:01Elocution.
02:02Hockey.
02:03You're quite right, Max. What you all need is to practice your English conversation.
02:07Now, part of your exam will consist of how well you speak English as well as know it.
02:10So, before we break for tea, I'm going to go round the class and I want each of you to
02:14speak for one minute,
02:15in turn, on whatever subject I give you. All right?
02:18We'll start with you, Danielle.
02:20Your subject is the seaside.
02:23The seaside?
02:26I like to go to the beach, take all my clothes off and lie in the sun.
02:32Tell me which beach I come and watch.
02:35Don't interrupt, Giovanni. Sit down. Go on, Danielle.
02:38One weekend, I went to the Isle of the Men.
02:41The Isle of Man?
02:42Yes, but I was very disappointed they were not all men.
02:46Yes, well, thank you, Danielle. That'll do. Well done.
02:48Ali.
02:49Yes, please.
02:50Television.
02:51Jelly good.
02:53I am liking very much the English television.
02:57Every night, I'm watching the crosswords.
03:02Crossroads.
03:03Yes, please.
03:04I'm also liking all the advertisements.
03:08And I am learning lots of useful English things.
03:13Like aggraded grains making finer flour.
03:18And little perforations.
03:20Yes, very useful.
03:22Only one thing I'm not liking.
03:23What's that?
03:24Paying the money for the license.
03:27Don't you worry, Ali.
03:28Thank you. Well done.
03:29Jelly good.
03:30Shuli, your subject, philosophy.
03:32Very good.
03:34In Democratic Republic of China,
03:36philosophies for the pro-retailer
03:38were all property invested in community,
03:39each member working according to his capacity
03:41and receiving according to his wants,
03:43as opposed to Western philosophy,
03:44where pro-retailer exploited by collab-capitaries
03:47and imperialistic war-mongers.
03:49The only document was in process
03:51to create class Hitler.
03:52Chairman Mao, he is saying...
03:53That is not true.
03:54True.
03:55That's right.
03:57Well done.
03:58Jamila.
03:59A minute, please, on art.
04:04Art?
04:05Painting.
04:06Oh, ha, achha, painting.
04:08I like very much painting.
04:10Last Wednesday, I am did painting.
04:13But you painted a picture?
04:14No, no picture.
04:16I'm painting kitchen door.
04:19I don't mean that sort of painting.
04:21I mean works by the great masters
04:23like Leonardo da Vinci,
04:24Turner, Matisse, Van Gogh.
04:26Oh, ha, ha.
04:27Now, last week ending,
04:29I am going to Tattie Gallery.
04:32Tate.
04:34And I am not like what I see.
04:39Paintings of ladies barefoot up to here.
04:45And showing their bosoms and all that.
04:48And also paintings of undressed gentlemen
04:52showing all the...
04:53Yeah, I don't think we're going to the details.
04:55It's all right.
04:57Anna, can you speak for a minute
04:58on life after death?
05:00Yeah.
05:01I do not believe in life after death.
05:05When you are dead, that is the end.
05:07That's not true.
05:09When you die, you go to heaven.
05:11Well, as the Catholics go to heaven.
05:15What about everybody else?
05:17Everybody else go to hell.
05:19If heaven is full of Catholics like you,
05:22I would prefer to go to hell.
05:25Yeah, I don't think we'll pursue that subject
05:26for any more, if you don't mind.
05:28Thank you, Anna.
05:28Uh, Max, a minute, please, on British birds.
05:34I like British birds, especially blondes.
05:39Quiet, that is not very funny, Max.
05:42Sorry.
05:44Every day, in the garden of my lodging house,
05:47I have many birds.
05:49Blacky birds, cocky sparrows,
05:51and, uh, sometimes, uh, a blue breast.
05:56Tit.
05:57A blue tit.
05:59Okay.
06:00Yesterday, I see a red robin tit.
06:04Well, that's a robin red breast.
06:07Okay, yes.
06:08British birds, much confusing.
06:10Yeah, well...
06:11Never mind.
06:12Well done.
06:13Now, Giovanni, what should we give you to speak about?
06:16Girls.
06:17I don't think so, Giovanni.
06:19Have you any hobbies?
06:20Sure.
06:21My favourite hobby is girls.
06:24Haven't you any other hobbies?
06:25Sure, but not as good.
06:28I know it's difficult for you, Giovanni,
06:30but try and speak for one minute
06:31without bringing girls into your conversation.
06:33Okay.
06:34I've got two other hobbies.
06:36The first hobby is making the wine.
06:39What's the second hobby?
06:40Drinking it.
06:43After I drink it, I do my third hobby.
06:46But you don't let me talk about that.
06:49My friend Vincenzo, his hobby is pinching.
06:52Oh, you mean he's a thief?
06:53No, not a thief.
06:54But he said his hobby was pinching.
06:55What does he pinch?
06:56You don't let me talk about that either.
07:00Yes, well, thank you, Giovanni.
07:02That'll do, thank you.
07:03Ranjit, what can you tell us about evolution?
07:06Nothing at all.
07:09Why not?
07:10I am not knowing what it means.
07:13Well, it means the origin of the species,
07:15where we all came from.
07:17Ah, now I am understanding.
07:19Good.
07:20I came from Punjab.
07:22You came from Italy.
07:24She came from France.
07:25No, no, no, no.
07:26You're taking me too literally.
07:27I mean, I want you to speak about how life itself began.
07:30Thousand apologies.
07:32Life begins when man and lady make love.
07:37Yes, but before that, what happened?
07:41They put the light out.
07:45No, no, no.
07:47Darwin's theory of evolution, Ranjit,
07:49is that life was not created,
07:51but evolved from a pre-existing form.
07:53The first forms of life were in the sea,
07:55and then came creatures who got out of the sea
07:57and crawled on their legs,
07:59then became four-legged mammals,
08:01then came creatures who learned to stand on two legs,
08:03and then came the great apes.
08:05And then came the muslims.
08:08Don't you call me ape, you son of a cross-eyed goat!
08:11Quiet!
08:12If I have any more trouble,
08:14you'll both stay behind for extra study.
08:16Juan.
08:17Yes, sir.
08:18Let's hear your observations on the stars.
08:21Por favor.
08:23Ah, sÃ, stars.
08:24There's plenty stars.
08:26Yeah, well, can you name some?
08:28Eh, sÃ.
08:29Eh, Sophia Loren, Brigitte Bardot.
08:32Quiet.
08:34Sorry, Mr. Brown.
08:35Just a joke.
08:36Just?
08:37If it isn't too much trouble,
08:39can you try being more serious for one minute?
08:41SÃ, sÃ.
08:42Minute.
08:43I speak serious.
08:44For one minute.
08:48Stars.
08:49In the heaven,
08:51plenty stars.
08:53Some big stars.
08:55Some little stars.
08:57Some not-so-big stars.
08:59Some not-so-little stars.
09:01Some bright stars.
09:04Some dull stars.
09:06Some not-so-bright stars.
09:08Some...
09:11Hey, I no speak for one minute.
09:14Yeah, well, I think you've spoken for long enough.
09:17Tarot.
09:18Awesome.
09:21A minute, please, on childhood.
09:25Not one speak-o-about char-hudo.
09:27Why not?
09:28Very bad time for a meal.
09:31No parents.
09:33No parents?
09:35Santa Maria.
09:36He's a miracle baby.
09:40Mother and father killed
09:41when I was a small boy.
09:45Childhood?
09:47Very lonely.
09:51Yes, Tarot, I know what you mean.
09:55Did you lose your parents
09:56when you were a little boy?
09:57Well, I didn't exactly lose them.
09:59I just don't know who they are.
10:00You were an orphan?
10:02Yes.
10:03That's terrible.
10:05Well, one Easter Monday,
10:06when I was about two weeks old,
10:07I was left on the steps
10:08of an orphanage
10:09in Jeremy Street.
10:10Hence my name, Jeremy.
10:13Oh, dearie me.
10:14I'm being very sad for you.
10:16Not having a mummy?
10:18Yeah, well, cheer up, early.
10:19What you never have,
10:20you never miss.
10:21Matter of fact,
10:22until I was about two,
10:22I was convinced
10:23that my mummy
10:23was a big woolly teddy bear.
10:27Although, I must say,
10:28I do often wonder sometimes
10:29whether I have any brothers
10:30or sisters.
10:31Hey, we be your brothers
10:32and sisters.
10:34Sure.
10:34We all become
10:35one big happy family.
10:37Yeah.
10:38And I will be your brother.
10:42And I will be your sister.
10:45Well, not quite sister.
10:47Well, that's very kind of you all.
10:50I think we'll break for tea now,
10:52all right?
10:52Oh, yes.
10:53Yes.
10:57Ah, good evening, Mr Brown.
10:59Ah, good evening, Miss Courtney.
11:00Headache?
11:01No, thanks.
11:01I've already got one.
11:04Would you like a couple of aspirin?
11:06I think I need a drink, actually.
11:07Well, strong black coffee
11:08might help.
11:09Yeah, a double scotch
11:10might help a bit more.
11:11No, I need a break.
11:12A nice, quiet,
11:13ten minutes away from my students
11:14will do me the world of good.
11:16Mr. Vodka and tomato juice, please.
11:19I'm only wanting
11:19coca-cola, please.
11:21A glass of milk, please.
11:23Look, I've only got
11:23one pair of hands.
11:25The beautiful hand.
11:29You're a beautiful girl.
11:31Muy bella.
11:32What did you want?
11:34Brandy.
11:36Oh, look, I'm right out.
11:37I'll have to go into the other bar.
11:39It won't be a minute.
11:39Hey, what about us?
11:41I'm left away.
11:42Hey.
11:44Hey, boys, look.
11:46Here is Mr Brown.
11:47What are you all doing here?
11:49Huh?
11:49What?
11:50It makes a change.
11:52Yes.
11:52Canteen coffee, not very good.
11:54Can we be buying you a drinky, please?
11:56Well, that's very kind of you, Annie,
11:57but I've got a bit of a headache,
11:58so if you don't mind,
11:59I'll just have a quiet sit-down over there.
12:01Oh.
12:03Hello, Mr Brown.
12:04Oh, hello, Sid.
12:05Yes, please.
12:06Don't you ever get drunk?
12:08Every night.
12:09I can't face the wife sober.
12:12Have you got any family, Sid?
12:14Eh?
12:14Have you got any family?
12:15Any children?
12:16Oh, yes and no.
12:18What do you mean, yes and no?
12:19Me and Lil, we did have a nip at once
12:20and I was out of work,
12:22had no money,
12:23got a bit desperate,
12:25so I wrapped the baby up well,
12:27took it out,
12:27put it on the steps of the orphanage.
12:29An orphanage?
12:30Yeah, in Jeremy Street.
12:32In Jeremy Street?
12:34It wasn't on the Easter Monday, was it?
12:36Yes, it was.
12:38Oh, dear.
12:57Sid, your father?
12:59Are you sure?
13:00Afraid so.
13:01What did he say when you told him?
13:03Well, I haven't told him yet.
13:04But you must.
13:05Oh, I don't know.
13:06Some things are best left alone.
13:07I mean, after all,
13:07it was a long time ago,
13:08nearly 30 years.
13:10The truth, Mr Brown,
13:11must be told.
13:13Do you think it's wise?
13:14I mean,
13:14it's a bit of a shock to realise
13:16that you're related to someone
13:17so rough and vulgar.
13:18Oh, nonsense.
13:19I'm sure Sid will soon get used to you.
13:25You know,
13:26come to think of it,
13:27and looking at you now,
13:28there's quite a resemblance.
13:30Sid and me?
13:31Yes,
13:32especially the profile.
13:34Like father,
13:35like son.
13:36Oh, dear.
13:38What about your mother?
13:40Yeah, what about her?
13:41According to Sid,
13:42she sounds a right old dragon.
13:44Well, I think it's very romantic.
13:47Enter.
13:47Huh?
13:48I just brought the stop room key back.
13:55Sorry,
13:55I'm not protruding,
13:56am I?
13:58No,
13:59Sidney,
13:59of course not.
14:00Quite the opposite.
14:01In fact,
14:02your presence here
14:03is most opportune.
14:04Oh.
14:05Mr Brown has something
14:07to say to you,
14:07haven't you,
14:08Mr Brown?
14:08Um,
14:09yes.
14:09Well,
14:10I'll leave you two alone.
14:14What do you want to say,
14:15son?
14:16Son?
14:19You just called me son.
14:20But don't get your knickers in the twist.
14:22I call everybody son,
14:23except the birds.
14:24Oh.
14:25In any case,
14:26I'm holding up to be your father.
14:28Well,
14:30look,
14:30sit down,
14:31Sid.
14:45Cigarette,
14:45Sid.
14:46No,
14:46I'm sorry,
14:46I've just run right out.
14:48No,
14:48no,
14:48no,
14:48I'm offering you one.
14:49Oh,
14:49that's very kind of you.
14:51Thanks very much.
14:53So.
14:58Listen,
14:58Sid,
14:58er,
14:59you see,
15:00what I wanted to ask you is,
15:01er,
15:02Yeah?
15:02Well,
15:04well,
15:05you see,
15:06how are you keeping?
15:08That's incredible.
15:09Oh,
15:09good,
15:10good,
15:10good.
15:11Listen,
15:11what is it you want to say to me?
15:13Ah,
15:14yes,
15:14well,
15:14you see,
15:15it,
15:15it could be a bit embarrassing.
15:17It's not about the capable,
15:19good hope,
15:19is it?
15:20Have a good hope.
15:20The soap that we use in the wash basins.
15:24Soap?
15:24I only did it once,
15:26yeah.
15:27It was New Christmas,
15:28and I was a bit short,
15:30you see,
15:30and I only flogged about half a dozen.
15:33What,
15:33you sold six bars of soap?
15:35Cases.
15:37You've got a pile of wine in the market,
15:39you sell anything.
15:40Yeah,
15:41I wish you hadn't told me about that.
15:43It wasn't about the soap.
15:44No,
15:44I've never even heard of it.
15:46It was about the crockery.
15:47What?
15:49A crockery in the canteen.
15:51You haven't been stealing crockery,
15:52have you?
15:52I only took about a dozen of each,
15:54and some of them were all chipped.
15:56You were telling me,
15:57next,
15:57you've been nicking the chairs.
15:58Do what?
15:59Nicking the chairs.
16:00No,
16:01I've never nicked any chairs.
16:02Well,
16:02that's a relief.
16:03Can't get them in me pocket.
16:06I wonder if it's hereditary.
16:08Pardon?
16:09Never mind.
16:10Look,
16:10Sid,
16:11tell me about your wife,
16:13Sid.
16:13What's she like?
16:14Pain in the neck.
16:16You must have been fond of her work.
16:18Nah,
16:18she's always nagging.
16:20Nag,
16:20nag,
16:20nag.
16:21Well,
16:21perhaps she feels neglected.
16:23She deserves to be neglected.
16:25I divorced her,
16:26if it wasn't the one thing.
16:28What's that?
16:28We're not married.
16:33Not married?
16:35No,
16:35we thought about it,
16:36but we never got round to it.
16:38Well,
16:38that's terrible.
16:39Well,
16:40it doesn't worry us.
16:41Yeah,
16:42but that means I'm,
16:42your child is,
16:44is,
16:44is,
16:44is,
16:44Oh,
16:45right,
16:45no.
16:45Don't say it,
16:46Sid.
16:48Sid,
16:48you must get married.
16:49I mean,
16:49if only for my,
16:50for your child's sake.
16:51I mean,
16:51to give it a name.
16:52Oh,
16:53it's too late in the day now,
16:54but in any case,
16:55we can't afford it.
16:56I mean,
16:56she'd want a new outfit
16:57and a proper do.
16:59Nah,
16:59it'd only be a waste of money.
17:01Look,
17:01Sid,
17:01I'll pay.
17:02Do what?
17:03I'll pay for the wedding.
17:05Why?
17:05What for?
17:06Well,
17:06I want to.
17:08Can I have a new whistle and flute?
17:09Yeah.
17:10What,
17:10and a car and flowers?
17:12Yes.
17:13And a booze up afterwards?
17:14Oh,
17:14naturally.
17:15God,
17:16blimey.
17:16I know it sounds strange,
17:17but I have got my reasons.
17:18Look,
17:19can you and your wife meet me
17:20in the Red Lion pub
17:20after school tonight?
17:22Yeah,
17:22that'd be all right.
17:23Right,
17:23well,
17:23we'll see you there then.
17:24Yeah.
17:24Yeah?
17:25All right.
17:27See you later,
17:28son.
17:28Yes.
17:33My own father,
17:34a thief.
17:36Still,
17:37I suppose I should be grateful in a way.
17:39If he hadn't left me on those orphanage steps,
17:42if he'd brought me up himself,
17:44what would I be like today?
17:56Oh,
17:56Dad,
17:57get that down,
17:57you nanny goat.
17:59Down your throat.
18:00Oh,
18:00thanks,
18:01son.
18:01Yeah,
18:01you'd better shove that in your skyrocket as well.
18:03Oh,
18:03dear.
18:04What's this?
18:05There must be 50 quid here.
18:0653?
18:08Where'd you get it from?
18:09I bumped you new geezer outside,
18:11didn't I?
18:11Fell out of his pocket.
18:12Oh,
18:12a chip off the old block,
18:14eh?
18:14Yeah.
18:15Have we got to have a nosh-up afterwards?
18:16No,
18:17I'm eating a few other lads.
18:18Thought we might go and bash up
18:18with your Spurs supporters,
18:20you know what I mean?
18:20Have your big bellies,
18:21and go down to disco,
18:22pick up some clumpet,
18:23and,
18:23and,
18:24oh,
18:25go and enjoy yourself,
18:26eh?
18:27What else?
18:28Good help,
18:28son.
18:28Right on.
18:29Here you go.
18:30Cheers.
18:34Mr. Brown?
18:37Mr. Brown?
18:38Yeah,
18:38darling,
18:39what do you want?
18:39Oh.
18:42Sorry,
18:43Miss Courtney,
18:43I was miles away.
18:45Well,
18:46didn't you tell him?
18:47Yeah,
18:47well,
18:47I don't think I really ought to,
18:48actually.
18:49But of course you was telling Mr. Brown.
18:51There's no other alternative.
18:53Oh,
18:53there is.
18:53What's that?
18:54Well,
18:55I could shoot myself.
18:57Hey,
18:58Daniel.
18:58Quick.
18:59What do you do tonight?
19:01Why are you asking?
19:02Well,
19:03there's a dance at the students' club.
19:04You want to come?
19:05Hey,
19:06I was going to ask Daniel to come with me.
19:08Ah,
19:08too bad.
19:09I ask her first.
19:10What do you say?
19:11Well,
19:12I like very much to dance.
19:13Good.
19:14I show you how to do the Italian shuffle.
19:16You stand like this,
19:18then you put your arms around my neck,
19:21I put my arms around your waist,
19:24then we put our cheeks together.
19:27What do we do next?
19:30Who cares?
19:31Oh,
19:32come on.
19:33I do hope I'm not interrupting anything.
19:35I was just showing Daniel how to dance the Italian shuffle.
19:39Yeah,
19:39well,
19:39kindly shuffle back to your seats.
19:40Go ahead.
19:41Right,
19:42now,
19:42part of your examination next week will consist of reading aloud,
19:47that is to say,
19:48all of them.
19:48So I thought tonight we'd have a practice by reading out a poem.
19:52Ah,
19:52Jolly Good.
19:53I'm hearing a Jolly Good poem last night.
19:56There was a young lady called Nelly,
19:59who was tattooed all over in Delhi.
20:02Right down her back was the Union Jack,
20:05and God saved the Queen on her belly.
20:11Thank you Sir John Bettiman.
20:13Right,
20:13now the poem we're going to read is called The Daffodils by William Wordsworth.
20:17All right,
20:18I'm going to ask each of you to read out a line in turn.
20:21We'll start with you again,
20:22Danielle.
20:22I wondered lowly as a cloud.
20:26Cloud.
20:27Sorry.
20:29Ali.
20:30Ah,
20:31that floats on high O'err valleys and hillies.
20:36Fails and hills.
20:38Jolly Good.
20:40Sully.
20:41When or at once I saw a cloud.
20:45Crowd.
20:47Jamila.
20:48A host of golden daffodillies.
20:55Daffodills.
20:56Anna.
20:58Besides the lake,
21:00beneath the trees.
21:01The,
21:02the,
21:02the,
21:02the.
21:03The,
21:03the,
21:03the.
21:05Max.
21:08Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
21:10Well done.
21:11Giovanni.
21:13Continuous as the stars that shine.
21:16Continuous as the stars that shine.
21:19Continuous as the stars that shine.
21:23Better.
21:23Ranjit.
21:25And tinkle on the Milky Way.
21:30A thousand apologies.
21:32Anybody know what the Milky Way is?
21:35Si,
21:35senor.
21:36Chocolate.
21:42No one,
21:43the Milky Way is a luminous collection of stars.
21:47Si,
21:47si.
21:48Sofia Lorenz.
21:50J.
21:50Garbant.
21:51No.
21:52No?
21:53Go on,
21:54it's your turn.
21:55S'alright,
21:55s'alright.
21:57de stress
21:58in never ending light.
22:01Good.
22:01Tarot.
22:02A wrungle.
22:04The margin
22:06of the bale.
22:08Well done.
22:09I'm sure Mr. Wordsworth would have found that quite an uplifting experience.
22:13Mr. Brown,
22:15I've just had a telephone call from your...
22:18from Sidney.
22:19He asked me to tell you that when you've finished,
22:21he'll be waiting for you in the bar of the Red Lion with your...
22:25with his wife.
22:32Oh, hello, Sid.
22:33Hello, Mr. Brown.
22:33Where's your wife?
22:34Oh, she's gone to the watch, Sid.
22:35She won't be in, won't be a minute.
22:37Oh, I see you got the drinks in then.
22:38Yeah, I told Magnus you'd pay for them when you came in.
22:40Oh, not very sorry.
22:44Here, Sid.
22:48Where's that teacher then?
22:50Meet the wife.
22:51Don't laugh.
22:53Hello.
22:54Pleased to meet you, Mrs.
22:56You may call me Ma.
22:58Oh, Ma.
23:00Here.
23:01Is it true what Sid says
23:03that you're going to pay for our wedding?
23:05Yes, Ma.
23:06Oh, we're ever so grateful, ain't we, Sid?
23:10Yeah, we are.
23:10But what I don't understand...
23:12Well, I'll try and explain.
23:13You see, remember what you told me
23:14about leaving your little baby
23:15at an orphanage in Jeremy Street?
23:17Yeah.
23:18Yeah, well, one of the reasons
23:19why I want you to get married
23:21is so that your child will be legitimate.
23:24Ah, what a lovely thought.
23:28Oh, I must give you a kiss.
23:34Well, I'm going to tell you something now.
23:35It was 30 years ago
23:36that you left that baby
23:37at that orphanage in Jeremy Street?
23:39Yeah, it was about that time.
23:40On an Easter Monday?
23:41Yeah.
23:42Yeah, well, I was left at an orphanage
23:4330 years ago in Jeremy Street
23:44on an Easter Monday.
23:46Do you hear that, Sid?
23:48What a coincidence!
23:51If I told you I was that baby,
23:53would you say that was a coincidence?
23:54The blooming miracle!
23:55Why?
23:56Because our baby was a girl!
23:57Oh!
23:58Oh!
24:00Oh!
24:01Oh!
24:03Oh!
24:05Oh!
24:09Oh!
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