- 9 minutes ago
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FunTranscript
00:15Hi, Nona.
00:16Hi, Kat.
00:17Hey, wanna do something fun?
00:19Sure.
00:20Well, why don't you...
00:24...watch one television news program
00:27and write 500 words on the topic of news
00:30that interests you most?
00:32Is this your homework?
00:33No, this is not my homework.
00:36Okay, it is my homework,
00:37but I hate watching the news,
00:39so I was hoping you'd understand.
00:40You have to do your homework.
00:41No, Nona, but would you...
00:42Would you please?
00:44Fine, forget it.
00:48Watch stupid news myself.
00:51In Washington, the House Budget Committee
00:53passed a joint resolution
00:54to both extend and limit spending rules
00:56regarding pension reform.
00:58No!
00:59The committee is considering another goal
01:01later on in the first term next year.
01:05Whoa, you won't believe what just happened!
01:07I hate the news!
01:09Well, this is fun news!
01:11Sam and I were crossing the street,
01:12and this dude drove by and honked at us.
01:14Oh, God, what did Sam do?
01:16She chased him to the next red light
01:18and then reached into his window
01:20and...
01:20Who wants a steering wheel?
01:23You ripped some guy's steering wheel off his car?
01:26I also ripped this shirt right off his body.
01:29Well, that dude ain't gonna honk at you again.
01:32No, but we can honk at him!
01:36Well, that can't happen in real life.
01:43You guys want to do something fun?
01:46What?
01:47Why don't you...
01:51watch one television news program
01:53and write 500 words on the news story
01:56that interests you most?
01:59We're not doing your homework for you.
02:01No!
02:04Cool sound.
02:05I hate watching the news.
02:08It's not that bad.
02:09Yes, it is!
02:10All they talk about is oil prices,
02:13middle yeast,
02:14and some jerk named Dow Jones.
02:17I'd rather watch helmet balls.
02:20Helmet balls?
02:21That's what she calls football.
02:22Ah.
02:23Hey, why don't you just watch a story
02:24on News, News, News, News?
02:25What, what?
02:27News, News, News, News.com.
02:29It's all the news in six minutes.
02:30Yeah, so every story's only like 30 seconds.
02:32Check it out.
02:33All right, but...
02:34I swear, if I hear one thing about gluten,
02:37climate change, or health care,
02:38I'm gonna punch dice in the face.
02:40That's fair.
02:41How is that fair?
02:43Click the clicking place.
02:47According to experts,
02:48gluten might be affecting climate change,
02:50which will likely have a direct impact
02:52on health care costs.
02:54No!
02:54Don't punch my face!
02:55Click the next story.
02:56Okay!
02:58Online megastore Zapathon.com
03:00today announced plans to radically increase
03:02their delivery speed.
03:03Hey, it's about online shopping.
03:05Oh, I like that.
03:06Yeah.
03:07The next time you order something from Zapathon,
03:09it might be delivered to you
03:10by an unmanned flying drone.
03:12The new flying drones promise delivery
03:13in less than 30 minutes.
03:15They automatically zoom right to your door,
03:17drop off your package,
03:18then zoom back to the Zapathon warehouse.
03:20Whoa!
03:21I want a drone to bring me stuff.
03:23Is that up?
03:24You can try Zapathon's drone delivery service
03:26beginning tonight at midnight.
03:28Wow!
03:28Awesome!
03:29That's so cool.
03:30For News, News, News, News,
03:31I'm Tammy Yanks.
03:32Yanks for watching.
03:34Yank you!
03:36Okay, at midnight tonight,
03:37we are ordering a bunch of stuff
03:39we don't need from Zapathon.
03:40For sure!
03:41Hey!
03:44Can I please have my steering wheel back?
03:50I'm never that far
03:53No matter where you are
03:55Believe it, we can make it come true
03:59And I, I, I, I
04:02I'll never say never
04:04As long as we keep it together
04:10It's the life that we choose
04:12And we still break the rules
04:14But it's all gonna be just fine
04:17You and me, we're gonna be just fine
04:35You see any drones?
04:36No
04:37Do you see a drone?
04:39No, maybe they...
04:40Wait!
04:40I see a drone!
04:42Really?
04:44Right there!
04:46That's the moon
04:49Yeah, it's probably just the moon
04:55You guys see a drone yet?
04:57Nope
04:57Well, we're pretty sure we saw the moon
05:01Kat, where's the fire?
05:04Hi!
05:05Where's the fire?
05:07There's no fire
05:08But your text message said
05:10Nona, come quick
05:11Our apartment's on fire
05:12Well, yeah
05:13Cause I knew that'd make you get here faster
05:17Hey, uh
05:17Let me check this thing out here
05:19Yep
05:24It works
05:27What did I do?
05:29When did our friendship take this weird turn?
05:32Will you please tell me
05:34Why I was summoned here
05:3522 minutes after midnight?
05:38To see the drones
05:39Yeah
05:40Drones?
05:41Yeah
05:42Zapathon started using flying drones to deliver stuff
05:45Flying robots?
05:47Robots?
05:48That's what she calls robots
05:50Why would she call robots robots?
05:52Cause she's old
05:56I may be old, but who's wet?
05:59Yep, you
06:01Yeah, where's the dang drone?
06:04What did you kids order from Zapathon?
06:06Lots of stuff
06:07Beef sticks
06:08Beef sticks
06:09Deodorant
06:09Extra rough toilet paper
06:12A badminton rocket
06:14A shuttlecock
06:15And a pair of size 62 men's underpants
06:19Why would you order a pair of size 62 men's underpants?
06:23Cause it'll be a great sight gag
06:28Wait
06:29Wait
06:30I hear it
06:30The drone
06:31I hear it
06:32No, no
06:33That's just my neck massager
06:37Oh, yeah
06:39Work that neck knot
06:42Sam, you made us all think the drone was
06:46Wait
06:47Did you guys hear that?
06:50The drone
06:50I don't see it
06:56Me neither
06:56Maybe it's coming from the other way
06:58Oh, moon
06:59Moon
07:00Moon
07:01Oh, I see it
07:05Moon
07:05Dang it
07:07Over there
07:08There it is
07:10OMG
07:12Hydro
07:13Sampify
07:14Oh, it's so rude
07:16Man, it's coming pretty fast
07:18Real fast
07:19Where's it going to land?
07:21Delivery from Sampify
07:25Arrived
07:27It's here
07:31Beefsteak
07:32Enormous man's underpants
07:35Thank you for shopping at zapathon.com
07:39How great is technology?
07:49I'm in charge of this building
07:52This is your apartment
07:53It's nearly possible for what happens here
07:55Look at that
07:56Look at it
07:57You know how much it's going to cost to get that thing?
08:00Well, you're paying for it
08:02And I
08:02You
08:07What was that?
08:08A bang ball
08:10That's right
08:11Now get this window fixed
08:14You fix it
08:15Yeah
08:16Please
08:20Excuse me
08:21Uh, hey guys
08:22Sorry to bother you
08:23Who is that?
08:24I don't know
08:25I'm Sherman
08:26I'm a customer service rep from Zapathon
08:28Hi
08:29You work for Zapathon?
08:30Guilty
08:32So, we got a complaint saying there was a little snafoodle with your first delivery last night
08:38Snafoodle?
08:39Your drone flew through our kitchen window
08:41Yeah, damage
08:43And it knocked my beefsteak all out of whack
08:46Uh-oh
08:48My gosh
08:49That is not good
08:50You guys must have been hopping mad
08:52Was anyone hurt?
08:54No injuries
08:55Well, thank thumbs for that
08:57Dumbs?
08:59Look, what are you?
09:00Well, I guess you'd call me a problem popper
09:04And believe me
09:05This isn't our only problem
09:06Oh, you mean drones crashed into other houses last night?
09:10My gosh, yes
09:12We had quite a few glitches in our galoshes
09:15Hey, look, mister
09:16We got a broken window here
09:18And we want it fixed fast
09:20And we don't need any characters around
09:22To give the joint atmosphere
09:24Is that clear?
09:27Or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?
09:31Oh, no, sir
09:32What you just said is clear as clam broth
09:35Clam broth?
09:37Okay
09:37Who is gonna pay to get our window fixed?
09:39Oh, we are
09:40Your friends at Zap-a-thon are gonna pay for everything
09:43Wow, he's super nice
09:44So nice
09:45It's kinda hard to stay mad at him
09:47And as just a little cherry on top of that
09:50We're sorry sundae
09:52Zap-a-thon is gonna give you guys
09:53Free drone delivery for a whole month
09:56Wow
09:57And half off everything you order
09:59Oh, it's a miracle
10:00Hey, hey, me too
10:02You too
10:04That's what I'm talking about
10:07Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
10:08Hey, hold on, hold on
10:09Question
10:10Do any of you guys ever open your freezer
10:13Drop your pants
10:14And stick your butt inside?
10:17No
10:17I haven't
10:18Not me
10:19Why would anyone do that?
10:21To cool your tooth
10:24Oh, wait, yes, I have
10:37Delivery from Zap-a-thon
10:39Delivery from Zap-a-thon
10:42Delivery from Zap-a-thon
10:45Thank you, drone
10:47Thank you for shopping at Zap-a-thon.com
10:52I got a new package
10:55Hello
10:55Would one of you girls come over here
10:57And help me babysit this baby
10:59Since you're the babysitters
11:01Look what I got
11:04Dirt from Tennessee
11:06Why would you buy dirt?
11:08Half off and free shipping
11:10Woo
11:12All you girls care about
11:14Is ordering junk you don't need
11:16From Zap-a-thon
11:18Junk
11:20Um
11:21These Team USA foot mittens
11:23Are not junk
11:25And what about this
11:26Super cool UFO detector?
11:30We're safe for now
11:32Yay
11:35Not next time
11:37And hey
11:38Quiet that baby down, would you?
11:39Well, I've been trying
11:41This baby's fussy
11:42Because it needs fresh air
11:44Now help me put him into the car
11:46And then we can take him to the park
11:47And then we can
11:48Ah
11:57Nona
11:57Don't just stand there
11:59Help me out
12:00I am
12:02This is terrible
12:03Hey, at least when you fell down
12:04You made the baby laugh
12:05Well, whoop-dee-do for that
12:10Nona, why don't we take the baby to the car?
12:12I'll take the baby
12:13Okay
12:14You coming?
12:15I can't
12:15I gotta return this giant elephant toothbrush to Zap-a-thon
12:18Return it how?
12:20Easy
12:20I just went online
12:21Clicked on return
12:22And now there's a drone on the way here to pick it up
12:24It picks it up?
12:25Yeah
12:25I just set this down outside
12:27And the drone flies down
12:28Grabs it
12:29Takes it away
12:29And I get an automatic refund
12:31Yeah, I don't need to know all the details
12:34Pat, let's go!
12:36Okay
12:37Bye
12:37Bye
12:38Oh, wait
12:38Here
12:39Set this outside for the drone
12:40KK
12:42Hi
12:43Will you come on?
12:44Well, sir
12:45I just have to set this thing down
12:46So the drone can pick it up
12:47Oh, drone, drone, drone
12:49If I hear one more thing about drones
12:50I'm gonna punch dice in the face
12:53Oh, I forgot the baby's butt powder
12:57I will get the butt powder
13:05Now I have to pee
13:09Zap-a-thon pick-out for return
13:13Zap-a-thon pick-out for return
13:16Zap-a-thon pick-out for return
13:19Zap-a-thon pick-out for return
13:22Thank you for shopping at zap-a-thon.com
13:27I've got the butt powder
13:46No, I've already spoken to three Zap-a-thon representatives
13:50I told you
13:52We had a problem returning a package
13:54One of your drones picked up a baby
13:58A baby person
14:01What?
14:02No, I do not want to take a survey at the end of this call
14:06No, I need to talk to a police officer
14:10Because some flying hoosie wats
14:13That just swooped down by the front door
14:15Grabbed a baby
14:16And skedaddled with it
14:18What?
14:20No, I have not been drinking
14:24I've already gone over this twice
14:27Okay, I'll tell you again
14:29I want two buckets of fried chicken
14:31One spicy, one extra spicy
14:34Then I want three chili biscuits
14:36No, no, no
14:37Don't transfer me to the main menu
14:39Oh, God
14:40No, I am not cuckoo
14:42The baby flew away
14:46Yes
14:46Yes, I want cheese on my chili biscuits
14:50No
14:53What did Zap-a-thon say?
14:55Nothing
14:55They just kept sending me back to the main menu
14:59Sam, what did you find out?
15:00That tub of chicken charges extra for cheese on chili biscuits
15:04No, extra
15:06Well, I can't wait for that
15:07I'm just going to finish my big bowl of soup
15:12Oh, what is it?
15:14The baby's mother
15:16Answer it
15:17No way she's going to ask about her baby
15:19Doug, you talk to her
15:20I ain't talking to that woman
15:24Nona, you're the adult
15:25I am not the person that sent that baby up, up and away in the USB flapper doodle
15:31Geez, Nona, that's not how real people talk
15:35Oh, gosh, you hung up
15:37Good
15:37That was close
15:38Oh, my God
15:39Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh
15:40I know what to do
15:41What?
15:42Okay, you answer and talk to Mrs. Festerly
15:45And I'll make baby noises in the background
15:47Cats
15:47That's not going to work
15:49It worked on Drake and Josh
15:55Sam and Cat Super Rock and Fun Time Babysitting Service
15:57How can I help you?
15:59Oh, Mrs. Festerly
16:01Yeah, this is Sam
16:02How you doing?
16:04Oh, yeah, yeah
16:05Little, uh
16:06Little, uh
16:07What's that thing's name?
16:09Tim
16:10Little Tim is doing great
16:12Aren't you little Tim?
16:18Oh, yeah
16:19Um, we are just, uh, putting him in the bathtub
16:31Yep, he's underwater now
16:34You can pick him up at five
16:37What are we gonna do?
16:39Where could that baby be?
16:41Okay, okay, okay
16:41Uh, this might not be as bad as we think
16:44But the baby
16:45The baby was strapped into a car seat
16:47And we know where he went
16:49Neptune
16:52No
16:54The drone thought it was picking up a return package
16:56So it probably just flew the baby right back to Zapathon
16:58Yeah
16:58Oh, that makes sense
16:59Yes, so let's go to Zapathon and get the baby
17:01So we can be back in time
17:03In time for what?
17:04To eat the chicken and chili biscuits
17:06Ooh
17:07That's very
17:07Come on, kids
17:08Let's go
17:19Thank you
17:20Thank you
17:22Hey, there's that Sherman guy
17:26Hey, Mr. and Mr.
17:28Hello
17:28Well, looky-doodle who it is
17:30We got a problem
17:31Well, wherever there's a problem
17:33Here's a me to fix it
17:34Ah, okay
17:36Would you stop being so nice and friendly?
17:38Oh, sure
17:39Anything for you, my friend
17:40Yeah
17:42Sir, there is a baby missing
17:44And we fear he's on Neptune
17:47He's not on Neptune
17:48We don't know
17:51Look, okay
17:51We were babysitting a baby
17:53Ah, let me guess
17:54A drone picked up the baby by mistake
17:56Yeah
17:56How'd you know?
17:58Well, that's been happening a lot these past few days
18:00A lot of problems
18:02Well, if the drone system wasn't ready
18:04Then why'd you launch it?
18:05Well, despite the problems
18:07I can assure you
18:08Zapathon's drone program is occasionally 100% safe
18:12Impact
18:15Whoa
18:16Looks like Steve took a drone to the face
18:19But he'll be fine
18:20Call Steve's wife
18:22Tell her Steve's not coming home tonight
18:25Where were we?
18:26We're looking for the baby that your drone took
18:29Right
18:30My supervisor sent a memo about that
18:33Yeah, here it is
18:34Says our drones have been picking up items by mistake
18:36Including pets, babies, snakes, mailboxes, and ladies' wigs
18:44Why are you touching your hair?
18:46Why are you touching yours?
18:49Okay, would both of you
18:53You, when the drones pick up pets and babies and ladies' wigs, where do they go?
18:58Great question
18:59They are being held in room 222
19:01Well, take us there
19:03Sure
19:03But no need to walk
19:04Let's take the zapper cart
19:13Hey, Frank
19:15All aboard
19:16Hi, Frank
19:17Hi, Frank
19:18Kids are not gonna get this
19:23To room 222
19:30Okay, we have to walk from here
19:44Here we go
19:45These are some of the items that our drones brought back by mistake
19:48Specifically, pets, babies, snakes, mailboxes, and ladies' wigs
19:53I don't see any snakes
19:55Weird
19:56There was one
20:00Anywho, just pick out little baby Tim and you guys can take him on home
20:04Whoops
20:05Someone found a snake in the women's restroom
20:07Back in a dilly
20:11Ugh, okay
20:13Let's, uh, grab little Tim
20:14Okay
20:18Uh
20:21Which one's Tim?
20:23Like I know
20:24Well, this is a sticky pickle
20:27Um, Tim
20:29Tim Festerly
20:30Please raise your hand
20:33Dude, babies don't speak English
20:36Um
20:37Timo
20:39Timo
20:41Timo Festerly
20:41Lamos
20:42Por favor
20:44Levanta la mano
20:49They don't speak Spanish either
20:52Hey, I know how we can tell which baby is little Tim
20:55Fuck
20:56Remember when I fell down earlier?
20:58It made little Tim laugh out loud
21:00So?
21:01So we just need to make Nona fall down
21:03And whichever baby laughs, that's little Tim
21:04But I need to fall in a very safe way
21:07So I don't
21:08Ah!
21:13Tim!
21:13Kim, Kim
21:16Hello, Tim
21:18Oh, wouldn't it be fun to take him home and dress him like a pirate?
21:21Haha, no
21:31Wait, girls, I'm still down here on the floor
21:34Zapathon, pick up for return
21:36Drone?
21:37Oh, uh, no, no thank you
21:39I'll just
21:40What are you doing?
21:42Drone?
21:43Oh, my hair come back
21:45Thank you for shopping at zapathon.com
21:48Oh, oh, oh
21:51Oh, Chiba
21:52Ah, ah
21:54All right
21:56Do you want to laugh at my head
21:58Or do you want to go home and eat chili biscuits?
22:00Chili biscuits!
22:01Chili biscuits!
22:02Woo!
22:04Hey!
22:06Hey, guys
22:06Yeah?
22:07Did you ever come in here and not complain about something?
22:11Why are you in a bad mood?
22:13Because Sam stole my friend's aid
22:15Well, I got 1,200 pounds of tuna fish that I don't want and I can't sell
22:19Oh, and get this
22:21Ah!
22:22Get out!
22:23Who's at the door?
22:24Freddie Benson
22:25Who's Freddie Benson?
22:26An astronaut!
22:28Wait, I want to be an astronaut
22:31Hmm
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