- 6 hours ago
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FunTranscript
00:10And a little of this, and a little of that, and a dash of this, a plop of red, a
00:21plop of brown.
00:24Come on now, plop on in there.
00:26Excuse me, I'm trying to do my homework.
00:30Well, try to keep it down, would you?
00:33What are you even doing?
00:35There's like a billion sauces in the world, right?
00:39I haven't counted the sauces of the world.
00:43Well, I am making the perfect sauce for any food.
00:47Open your mouth.
00:48I don't wanna.
00:49Open!
01:02Well, it's not a sauce for me.
01:06Well, now I gotta go change shirts before I start to smell.
01:11So I'll just...
01:13Okay, I know you guys told me that I should knock, but I got a situation, so I forgot to
01:18knock.
01:19Don't ask about a situation.
01:21What's your situation?
01:22Jeez.
01:24Okay, so two nights ago, I was playing in a poker game.
01:27Now, try to picture this in your minds as I tell you the story.
01:30Sure.
01:33So, I was at box after hours, and I was just about to win a big hand.
01:39Hey, man, thanks again for letting us play here.
01:41Just please don't tell my manager.
01:44Ah, no worries.
01:46Well, what do you do again?
01:48Wait, I'm a spear fisherman.
01:50I spear fish using this here spear gun.
01:54That thing's not loaded, is it?
01:56Oh, yeah, it's loaded.
02:01Come on, who's in?
02:03Me.
02:04I'm all in.
02:07I'm out.
02:08I'm Randy.
02:10I'm gonna get more eggs.
02:13Okay.
02:14Spear fisherman.
02:16This is for all the tuna.
02:20Flush.
02:21To the ten.
02:22Ah, cramps, I lost.
02:25Ow, my eggs.
02:31So, did the egg boy die?
02:35No.
02:36Then be happy.
02:37You won a lot of money.
02:38I didn't win any money.
02:40You said the spear fisherman guy bet all the tuna.
02:43He did.
02:44I thought he meant money, but he was betting actual fish.
02:48Tuna fish?
02:49Yeah.
02:50He paid me with 1,200 pounds of tuna.
02:53You know, I got the perfect sauce for tuna fish.
02:59They aren't ready for sauce.
03:01They're alive, swimming in a tank down at the fisherman's wharf.
03:04So, just sell them to some tuna fish company.
03:07You don't get it.
03:09I don't want it.
03:11They aren't normal tuna fish.
03:13They're Kansas razorback tuna.
03:16So, what, people can't eat Kansas razorback tuna?
03:18No.
03:19They taste terrible, and they eat everything.
03:21Even people.
03:23Why would a tuna fish want to eat me?
03:25I don't know.
03:26Revenge?
03:28All right.
03:30I want to check out these vicious tuna.
03:32Let's go.
03:33I can't go.
03:34Why not?
03:35I'm meeting a friend to work on a school project.
03:39Come on, let's go.
03:40After I change my shirt.
03:43I didn't like your sauce.
03:46So, what's your school project about?
03:48Oh, it's a...
03:49Ding dong.
03:50I'll grab it.
03:51I'll grab it.
03:52Ding dong.
03:55Ding dong.
03:57Ding dong.
03:58Nice hair.
03:59What are you?
04:07what are you doing here you said you wanted to work on our project
04:12at your house not here whatever let's just go in no you can't
04:17okay did you ever get to take your special vitamins today no yes i better go take them now
04:27no just stay here and don't move i do what i want okay you want to tell me what's going
04:34on don't
04:35you get it not really that is my friend jade out there she's the second scariest girl i know
04:41who's the scariest sam oh well sam and jade ever met before jade and sam can never meet
04:50they'd kill each other nice you ready what you you can't go out there just like that you've got
05:01you've got sauce all over your shorts i put on a different shirt just a sec
05:20whoops okay did you forget to take your special vitamins today yes you know what i think i did
05:26why don't you go to the drugstore and get me some more because i must be running out or something
05:29why i'm speaking there's a girl behind you hey hey
05:42where you are believe it we can make it come true we'll do it our way no matter what they
05:51say
05:52yeah cause no one's gonna do it for you yeah but i i i i i i'll never say never
06:01as long as we keep it together
06:07if you live in a dream and you know what it means and you can't let them change your mind
06:15it's the life that we choose and we still break the rules but it's all gonna be just fine
06:23yeah we're all gonna be just fine
06:27you and me we're gonna be just fine
06:39oh
06:46what happened when did i go non-conscious
07:09oh hey oh you regained consciousness yeah i thought you guys were fighting fighting why would
07:20you're both anti-social misfits filled with anger and rage wait is that why you haven't invited me
07:26over ever since she moved in and why you never wanted me to meet her well yeah what do you
07:32think
07:32would happen murder do you want to murder me well i no i'm good so you two are really getting
07:40along huh
07:41yeah like we found out that we both laugh when children cry how can you not i know oh and
07:47we both
07:47hate people who i hate him more i don't know oh dice is ready for us to head to the
07:55wharf and check
07:55out his angry tuna fish oh have fun hey jade you want to come with sure why not no we
08:01still have a lot
08:02of work to do on our project for psychoids so we can go check out the tuna and then later
08:06you can do
08:07all the work for both of us this chick's the best let's hit that wharf to the wharf warp speed
08:14oh good one
08:26whoa whoa whoa whoa wait how much 110 bucks a day just to keep a few tuna fish here that's
08:32right
08:33you got tank water fee rental tax you got take the money
08:45what up d ice hey oh it smells like gross fish around here sorry it's the oh it's okay i
08:53love that
08:54it smells
09:00what the how come i'm the one who had to run behind the motorcycle well because sam said i could
09:08ride
09:08on the back but don't worry on the way home i'm gonna let j drive and sam will ride on
09:12the back
09:12and then you can run behind us thank you will someone please help me with my tuna problem relax
09:20may we view the tuna yeah they're right in there oh yeah
09:31oh a kansas razorback tuna very cool yeah very cool kansas yeah that fish doesn't look so vicious
09:47check this out you always keep a sandwich in your pocket try to what am i gonna do how much
10:06money
10:07i'm gonna lose on these dumb fish hang on hang on a sec uh how uh how big would you
10:14guys say this tank
10:15is uh about 25 feet well i'd say it's about 21 feet hey that tank is exactly 25 feet across
10:26so the redhead is
10:28wrong hey dice i think i might know how you can make some money off of these tuna fish what
10:35you thinking
10:36motorcycle jump motorcycle jump we put a ramp right here we set one up over there we put some bleachers
10:43in the back here and then we charge people a bunch of money to watch someone jump the tuna
10:47that's crazy i love it it's perfect i'm on board yeah but wait who can we get to make the
10:53jump me for
10:56real awesome but no i am not gonna let you jump a motorcycle over a tank full of 1200 pounds
11:03of
11:03dangerous tuna fish from nebraska from kansas you're from kansas it's fine i've made jumps almost that far
11:11before over dangerous tuna no dude you got it hey hey what about the dirty skipper oh yeah who's
11:19the dirty skipper he's a guy like a professional daredevil and he'll jump a motorcycle over anything
11:24he's also filthy disgusting but he is awesome on a motorcycle all right i'll try to book the dirty
11:30skipper wanna get some food i'm all over that oh hey wanna go to that new salad place hey guys
11:40have
11:40you heard of that new salad place let us have lunch oh later i gotta go book the dirty skipper
11:46oh okay
11:48hey hey guys so you want to go to that new salad place let us have lunch we'll meet you
11:54there
11:58hey that new lunch place for salads it's called let us eat lunch so you're wrong again
12:16yeah
12:17yeah i just really like to pop them you know oh i love popping them
12:23oh here he comes watching me mess with this robot hello you pressed your call button uh yeah can we
12:32please get some hepperson's nuts and uh... uh... pardon we just need some hepperson's gonna
12:40uh... when you get a sec
12:43searching the menu for peshner-mefli-luparkin-son would you please just
12:49dwarfsmannes-mefli-luparkin-son would you please just dwarvessmannes-mefli-luparkin-son
13:05You killed it.
13:07No, it serves me right for trying to be helpful.
13:12Thank you for killing my friend.
13:18Go sit at that table.
13:20I got business.
13:25Oh, hi.
13:26Hey, what's up?
13:28What's up is, looks like you guys forgot to invite me to your little get-together.
13:34No, we were just about to text you.
13:36Just about.
13:38I also noticed I wasn't invited to go with you guys to the movies last night either.
13:43It was a horror movie.
13:45You hate horror movies.
13:47So, I hate spiders too.
13:50But if a spider was having a birthday party, I could swing by for some cake.
13:55Dad, wait.
13:56Come back.
13:57Hang out with us.
13:57Sit down.
13:58Oh, no, thank you.
14:00I'll be sitting elsewhere.
14:02With Dice.
14:03And Nona.
14:05Jealous?
14:06Hmm.
14:07Should be.
14:13Hi.
14:14Hello.
14:15Hang on.
14:16I just got a text.
14:24Having such a good time.
14:30Did I miss something?
14:32Probably.
14:34What is the matter with you?
14:36Sam stole Jade from me.
14:38Oh, come on.
14:39I wouldn't say she stole Jade.
14:40Well, I would.
14:42And she did.
14:44I wanted to hang out with him today.
14:46Well, you got us to hang out with.
14:49Oh, great.
14:51You know where I come from.
14:53If someone steals one of your friends, you steal one of theirs.
14:58But actually, I like that.
15:03I should steal one of Sam's friends.
15:05Yeah, but Sam's friends live in Seattle.
15:08Yes, Seattle.
15:11Seattle.
15:13Seattle.
15:15You getting an idea?
15:17No.
15:18I just thought if I kept looking up and saying, Seattle, Seattle, I might think of something.
15:29Hey, I'm going to go take a shower.
15:31Why?
15:34Well, it's the first of the month.
15:37And Jade said she might want to go do some karaoke, so as they get all met up with her.
15:41Oh, karaoke, huh?
15:43What are you going to sing, huh?
15:45A little song called, Who Needs Cat?
15:49Would you like to come with us?
15:50No, I have homework.
15:52Your book is Upside Down.
15:55I like it Upside Down.
15:58Okay.
16:06I'll show her who can steal a friend.
16:09Sam's phone.
16:11Sam's phone.
16:12Sam's phone.
16:15Contacts.
16:17Abraham's fried chicken.
16:19Adam's ribs.
16:21Barney's bean barn.
16:22Wow, a lot of restaurants.
16:24Oh, a person with a Seattle area code.
16:32Oh, Sam.
16:37Yeah, hey, Sam.
16:38What's up?
16:40It's not Sam.
16:41It's Cat, her roommate.
16:43Oh.
16:44Well, hi, Cat.
16:45Hi, is this, uh, Benson comma Freddy?
16:49Yeah.
16:50Okay, great.
16:51And are you a good friend of Sam's?
16:52Yeah, sure you could say that.
16:58Who are you talking to?
17:00Mom, please.
17:01Are you staring at Carly's door again?
17:04No.
17:05She is in Italy, and she will never love you.
17:08Hey!
17:11Hello?
17:12Come to L.A. right now.
17:15To L.A.?
17:17Yes.
17:18It stands for Los Angeles.
17:20I know, but why do I need to come there?
17:23It's, uh, it's about Sam.
17:26What'd she get arrested for this time?
17:28No, no, she was, she was run over by a sports utility vehicle.
17:34Sam got run over?
17:35Yeah, it's real bad, you know.
17:37Bleeding gums, fractured bones, broken buttocks.
17:40Better get here fast.
17:42Okay, okay, do you think she'll be all right?
17:45No more questions.
17:50I have an itch.
17:52That's not my responsibility.
18:03Yay, Freddy's here.
18:05I'm coming.
18:12Yeah, hello.
18:13What?
18:16Where's Sam?
18:17I'm just out with my friend Jade, probably shopping and trying on hats, just having a big old fun montage
18:24together.
18:25But when's she coming back?
18:27I got tuna fish trouble.
18:28I thought you got the dirty skipper man to jump over him with a motorcycle.
18:32He won't do it.
18:33He said that Kansas razorback tuna fish are too dangerous to jump over.
18:37What am I gonna do?
18:38Hey, guys.
18:39Yeah?
18:39Get out!
18:40Who's at the door?
18:41Freddy Benson.
18:42Who's Freddy Benson?
18:43An astronaut!
18:45Wait, I want to be an astronaut!
18:47Get away!
18:56Well, hello, Freddy Benson.
18:58Hi.
18:59Is Sam okay?
19:00Is she in the hospital?
19:01No, she's just in here.
19:03Oh, thanks.
19:04Sam?
19:05Sam, where are you?
19:06Sam!
19:07Oh, Sam's not here.
19:10But, but didn't you just say she was...
19:13Well, aren't you a handsome boy full of questions?
19:17Look, I'm really worried about my friend Sam...
19:19Handsome?
19:21Sure, beans.
19:24Well, thanks.
19:26So, you're a cat?
19:28Yeah.
19:29Cat Valentine.
19:31Why?
19:32You like cats?
19:34Yeah.
19:36But, so, so you're Sam's roommate?
19:38Uh-huh.
19:39The girl who called me last night?
19:41Yeah.
19:42Did you add me to your contacts?
19:44No.
19:45Well, there's time for that.
19:48Look, I'm really worried about Sam.
19:50Why?
19:51Because!
19:52She got run over, apparently by a sport utility vehicle.
19:56Says who?
19:58You.
19:58Says you.
20:00When?
20:01Last night!
20:03You said that Sam has fractured bones, bleeding gums, and she broke her buttocks.
20:07Oh!
20:08I'm sorry.
20:09I am so sorry.
20:10Why?
20:12Because I've...
20:13I've never said buttocks in front of a girl before.
20:17Well, it's okay.
20:20Buttocks don't offend me.
20:23Oh.
20:26You want to hang out with me today?
20:29Well, I mean, I, I, I, see, I don't, I, I don't know what you mean.
20:35You know, just me and you, couple of friends, hang it.
20:44Oofa, mi pie está en fuego.
20:48Ven, pasa el dÃa conmigo.
20:51Wow, okay, let's go.
20:57This is so weird.
21:02Next on Sam and Cat.
21:08No way.
21:09Freddie and I have been hanging out all day.
21:11Well, I'll meet you later.
21:12Why not?
21:13Since Cat's running around with your ex-boyfriend...
21:15Say it out loud.
21:17Make a date with this guy.
21:21Robbie is in love with me.
21:22So?
21:23Freddie's in love with me.
21:24I'm in major trouble here.
21:26No, you're not.
21:28Because I'm going to jump the tuna.
21:30Yes.
21:31You are not jumping over a bunch of dangerous tuna fish.
21:35Did you know that if you merge my name with his name, we're throbbing?
21:40I'll jump the tuna.
21:42Ha!
21:43Cat!
21:44Hey!
21:45Dude, you're going to get hurt.
21:48And here she comes.
21:49Give it up for dirty Sam Puckett.
21:53Woo!
21:55Are you ready, Sam?
21:57Yes, yes.
21:58I'm Sam.
22:00Three, two, one.
22:04We're going to go walk around Hollywood and take pics of weirdos.
22:07Come with us.
22:08We're bringing a stick.
22:10What for?
22:12To poke the weirdos.
22:15So, come with us?
22:17No, thanks.
22:18Apparently, I'm not invited.
22:21Ow!
22:22You poked me!
22:24One weirdo down.
22:29Hmm.
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