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00:12What's Vinny doing?
00:20What's Vinny doing?
00:26No!
00:30What an entrance!
00:31I'm living for this!
00:33Taser in!
00:34We don't talk like this all.
00:36I don't think so.
00:38Oh, here we go.
00:39What is that?
00:40Oh, shut up.
00:41This doesn't look real.
00:43I don't think it is.
00:44A framboisier.
00:45What's a framboisier?
00:47Oh, I knew it!
00:48No!
00:48This looks dodgy, doesn't it?
00:50It does.
00:50Why is it dodgy?
00:51This is going to go down so badly.
00:53None of us learn, do we?
00:56Wow!
00:57I hate you!
00:59Must remember that bellend.
01:01This is what everyone came for.
01:03The lamp bells were ringing with me, Mary.
01:06At least the nipples are covered.
01:07Yeah.
01:08It's half the battle.
01:09In the week it finally stopped raining,
01:12we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:16Flirty banter wasn't as innocent as it looked on Prime Video.
01:19But the Kennedy Space Centre, I think, is cooler.
01:22Because, you know, the Enterprise was only ever a test shuttle
01:25and Kennedy has the Atlantis, which was the real deal.
01:29Are you trying to impress me?
01:30Maybe.
01:32It's working.
01:36Why can't I laugh like that?
01:38Oh dear.
01:39I'd love to have a laugh like that.
01:40I would love you to have a laugh like that.
01:47A busy week for the boys in blue was making the headlines.
01:51Detectives have resumed their search of Andrew Mountbatten,
01:55Windsor's former home at Royal Lodge on the Windsor estate.
01:58I wouldn't be able to read the news, because if I'll come in,
02:02I'd be like, oh no.
02:06I won't be telling the people, I'd just be reading it myself.
02:10I was like that yesterday morning.
02:12I went, no way, Ozzy.
02:16No, it's Andrew.
02:20Oh, that was it.
02:22And Ed Stafford was smouldering up the Amazon on Discovery.
02:27I'm heading deep into the Amazon jungle
02:28to visit a people called the Sataremo Way.
02:32I'm on the final leg of my journey,
02:34a two-hour boat ride up the Amazon to reach their remote village.
02:38I've had an off-grid experience when we went to Amsterdam.
02:42And I remember leaving the club at 4 o'clock,
02:45and then there was no places open for fast food.
02:48And then the taxi driver said,
02:50yeah, fast food, 10 minutes down the road and that.
02:53Mate, we drove to Rotterdam.
02:56And come back.
02:57That was the most expensive fast food I ever had in my life.
03:08In Manchester.
03:10I tried a new karaoke song the other night, Shania Twain.
03:14You're still the one, still the one that I love.
03:18The only one I dream of.
03:21You're still the one I kiss.
03:24Goodnight.
03:26Did it go down well or did it?
03:28It did.
03:29The Malones.
03:30I knew it was coming on that night,
03:32so I was at the pub ready and waiting for the karaoke woman to turn up.
03:36As soon as she got there,
03:39the bar manager was like,
03:40look, just saying it's Sean's on first.
03:42Because I was there ready waiting for it.
03:46And then I saw it with myself a new nickname
03:48in the pub of Shania Twain.
03:53On Saturday night,
03:54the judges were back behind their buzzers on ITV1.
03:58Here you are, Jane.
03:59Oh, lovely.
04:00I know your talent.
04:01Yeah.
04:02Yeah, drinking all my wine.
04:04Yeah, good.
04:05Cheers, Lee.
04:09I've actually missed this on a Saturday night.
04:12Have you?
04:12I was going to go on it once and then I chickened out.
04:15Yeah, you did.
04:16I remember you wanted to go on Britain's Got Talent.
04:17I was thinking about showing you what you're telling.
04:19Oh!
04:23In the programme,
04:24a smiley woman came onto the stage.
04:26How are you?
04:28Good.
04:28And your name is?
04:29My name is Lee Wei.
04:30I can't find Taiwan.
04:32Lee Wei.
04:32Oh, I like that name.
04:33Right, what you got for me, Lee Wei?
04:39No shoes always makes me nervous.
04:41I always think if you're going on here without your shoes on,
04:45it's going to be something crazy.
04:46Oh.
04:51It's a plant pot.
04:52Ellie, have you got a plant pot like that in your back garden?
04:56I have.
04:57She's not getting in there, is she?
04:58She's too big to get in that pot.
05:01Oh, my God.
05:02Whoa!
05:03Oh, they've got some fire and an assistant.
05:05Come on.
05:09What's she doing?
05:10Oh, my God.
05:10She's setting light to a pot running.
05:14I'm a step ahead, watch me wear my crown.
05:16Eh?
05:17Bloody hell, what's she doing early?
05:19Oh, that's dangerous, isn't it?
05:23This is weird.
05:24What's she doing?
05:25I don't understand that.
05:28Oh!
05:31Absolutely not.
05:32Oh, she's a barrel tosser.
05:39No way.
05:40Wow.
05:41Do you know what I don't get?
05:42How the hell do you know you can do this?
05:44I don't like it.
05:49Oh!
05:50Oh!
05:52I thought that was going to go somewhere else.
05:53Yeah, I did too.
05:57Oh, hang on.
05:58There's more.
05:59She haven't finished yet.
06:00Well, she got a tear ball.
06:05Oh, she's not going to jumble the table, surely.
06:13She set the legs on fire!
06:15The table's on fire.
06:16She's on fire.
06:16She set the fucking table on fire.
06:22Oh, my God!
06:24Jesus, I wish you'd do it now, love.
06:30The control is wild, isn't it?
06:31You know, if I did what she does, my legs would be so turned.
06:34Like, we need to do this.
06:35This is why you can't skip leg day.
06:37Look at this.
06:37We need to do this.
06:41The table's going to take off.
06:42The table's going to take off.
06:47All right, that's enough.
06:48Is she available to hire for parties or birthdays or...?
06:51I was going to say fireworks night.
06:52Fireworks night?
06:52She's bloody brilliant.
06:53You don't need your Roman Wheel anymore.
06:55No, you don't.
06:55You're Catherine Wheel.
06:56Catherine Wheel.
06:57You just have her.
07:04She ain't even got a sweat going on, has she?
07:07Or a singe.
07:08That is just such an unneeded talent.
07:11Yeah.
07:11But it's quite impressive.
07:13I remember I had a mate at school that could balance a lot of cool shit on his chin.
07:16And that got him a lot of girls.
07:18I literally can't even hula hoop.
07:20I've never been able to.
07:21Me too.
07:22And this woman can do that with her feet.
07:25Why would I be so useless?
07:29In Wiltshire...
07:30Look, Giles, we've got a new microwave.
07:33Oh!
07:34Oh, Mary.
07:36Look at it going round.
07:37Is that one minute?
07:38Yeah.
07:39It's lovely and old-fashioned, isn't it?
07:40Isn't it?
07:41Giles and his wife, Mary.
07:44That's come to the end.
07:46Oh!
07:48That's noisy.
07:49No, it's not quite.
07:50It's too hot to handle, Giles.
07:52Oh, let me...
07:52I'll have to get a little saucer for you.
07:54Let me, because I've got asbestos fingers.
07:56No.
07:57I've got asbestos fingers.
07:59Oh!
07:59You see?
08:00My fingers don't mind that.
08:02Oh!
08:04On Tuesday, we were off to the continent
08:07for a brand-new competitive cooking show on ITV2.
08:11I've heard about this.
08:12Is it like Love Island with food?
08:14They all get off with each other.
08:16You need to watch this cooking show
08:17because you need to see how to cook without scotch bonnets.
08:21You can cook food without scotch bonnets!
08:24Yeah.
08:24I'm in Barcelona to help launch the hottest new restaurant in the Med.
08:29Oh, Barcelona!
08:31We've been there?
08:33No.
08:34It's a rooftop restaurant.
08:35I think that you went with somebody else.
08:37Seriously?
08:38Yeah.
08:39We've never been to Barcelona.
08:40Oh, yeah.
08:42And I'm on my way to pick up the boss.
08:45Mwah!
08:46Legendary chef Jean-Christophe Novelli.
08:49Oh, Jean-Christophe Novelli!
08:51I've heard of him!
08:51Yeah, he's a massively famous chef.
08:54Well, he's not to fuck around with then, is he?
08:56No.
08:56And he's recruited a team of hungry young chefs to run the kitchen.
09:00I can make a lasagna.
09:02That's actually really good.
09:03I couldn't.
09:04I've never really made anything exotic.
09:09I know myself, if I were in a kitchen, I wouldn't mind at all if an angry, talented chef was
09:15shouting at me.
09:16I wouldn't mind that.
09:17But young people are all nervous wrecks and they'd all go to human resources and say,
09:22I've lost my self-esteem and I'm going to have to check into a clinic.
09:26They're not resilient enough.
09:28Akito, you're going to be my first head chef.
09:31Thank you, chef.
09:32Don't fuck it up, Akito.
09:34And on desserts, it's Marta and Tom making a hot raspberry souffle.
09:39Raspberry souffle is probably quite easy.
09:40No.
09:41I want to know what other desserts are doing.
09:43And peach tart to tan.
09:44Tart, tart, tart!
09:46You have to say it quite loudly.
09:47Do you?
09:48Yeah.
09:48You wouldn't get me eating out of them, posh shite.
09:51No, you like a choccy fudge cake, don't you?
09:53When it comes to food, I'm not into bullshit.
09:57Oh.
09:57I need, like, micro herbs or, like, just grass or, like, pebbles on the plate.
10:02The food should do the talking.
10:04I like this guy.
10:05Tom's a good guy.
10:07He can cook me my dinner.
10:08Do you have a thyme on the caramel?
10:10No, no.
10:11You don't have a thyme on the caramel?
10:12That's worrying.
10:13The trick with caramel is stir, stir, stir, stir, stir, and whatever you do, do not take your eyes off
10:19the pan.
10:20Apparently, if you use metal to stir a caramel, it crystallise.
10:23Yes, that's true.
10:25That's all good.
10:26Tart cases need to roll out.
10:27Go back to the caramel.
10:29What are you doing?
10:29You've walked away from it.
10:31First error there.
10:32Get back stirring, Tom.
10:34We're in a good place.
10:34How long's that time?
10:35Four minutes.
10:36Is it turns?
10:37Yeah.
10:37I think we're in a good place.
10:38It's burning.
10:39It's burning.
10:41Because it shouldn't be steaming like that.
10:43Do you know what I mean?
10:46Sweet.
10:47Oh, he's smoking.
10:48He's smoking.
10:48Look at that.
10:49Chef.
10:51I can let something burning.
10:53Chef!
10:53Even Jean-Christophe has noticed from halfway across the restaurant.
10:56Look at that.
10:57Through a glass window.
11:00Where's that been over there, Akito?
11:02He's still too busy, Mr. I-know-what-I'm-doin'.
11:05They're gonna be in the car park in a minute doing a roll call if he's not careful.
11:10This is burning.
11:11Oh, my God.
11:11Never leave caramel.
11:13Oh, at last.
11:14Never leave caramel.
11:16She knew.
11:17Tartan.
11:17What a wanky dessert to give someone on their first day at work.
11:21Seriously.
11:22Like, what a French piece of wank.
11:26Just cleared that up.
11:29That's brilliant.
11:30Tom.
11:31What does he want?
11:31Ice cream?
11:33A chocolate sauce?
11:35You've got to make sure you are a little bit more proactive.
11:37With your pellets, your smell and so on.
11:39Oh, he's getting a bollocking now.
11:41He needs a bollocking.
11:42He's too cocky, isn't he?
11:43I've burnt a bit of sugar.
11:44That's okay.
11:45Taking out my wages.
11:46No problem.
11:47But then, let's go on with it.
11:48Uh-oh.
11:48Okay.
11:49Are you serious?
11:50Yeah.
11:51No, no, he's got the wrong attitude.
11:52Yeah.
11:57Has he just done that again?
12:00Oh, he's like, here's a fire engine coming.
12:02That's the French fire engine noise.
12:04Fucking brilliant.
12:04Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
12:07No, no, this is okay, Chef.
12:08I promise.
12:08Thank you, Chef.
12:10What do you mean he's okay?
12:12That's bitter.
12:13There's nothing okay about it.
12:14I'm trying to tell a big man who got Michelin's time.
12:17That's okay, you know.
12:19The problem that I think now going forward is that Marta's going to think that I'm shit.
12:23Yeah.
12:24She might not be far off the market.
12:26I mean, Tom.
12:27Hey, Tom.
12:28Tom, we all think you're shit.
12:31It was so hard.
12:31I'm going to be honest.
12:32Out of all of that, the biggest question I've got is, why does it need to be in Bathalona?
12:37Yes.
12:39You could literally do that anywhere.
12:54In Leeds.
12:55Oh, is that a new coat?
12:57Gottenware.
12:57That's £39.99.
12:59It was £129.
12:59Down to £69.99.
13:01£39.99.
13:02£39.99.
13:03Auntie Margaret's pot round.
13:05Can you zip it up?
13:06Nice colour.
13:07Yeah.
13:07Looks a bit snug.
13:08Well, it's a 12, but that's all the other £13.99.
13:11Yeah, but you're not a 14.
13:13No, it's because I've got massive busts.
13:15It's because you've got four layers underneath the coat.
13:17That's what it is.
13:18Yeah.
13:19It's the cardigan, the underskirt, the dress.
13:21Can you fasten it up if you want to?
13:22Yeah.
13:23Oh, right, yeah.
13:23It does zip up.
13:24Just a little bit tighter out, boobs, but it's all right.
13:26Oh, yeah.
13:27£39.99, you can't grumble.
13:28Well, no, you can't grumble for £39.99.
13:29I'm not doing anything for stuff if you can get something for £39.99.
13:32Yeah, definitely not.
13:32You'd be foolish to.
13:33Right, then.
13:34Right, ta-ra.
13:35On Friday, the Wright Royal scandal had stepped up a gear on BBC News.
13:40There's just so many topics that could be on the news today.
13:43I wonder what they've gone for.
13:45I think there's a bit of a biggie.
13:47He even took bagging on off.
13:49I've never liked Andrew, have you?
13:51No.
13:52When he was married to Sarah, they were a rum couple, weren't they,
13:54from the word go?
13:56No, I know.
13:57And she was dreadful.
13:59Good afternoon.
14:00Detectives have resumed their search of Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor's
14:04former home at Royal Lodge on the Windsor estate.
14:07This is the scandal that we have all been waiting for.
14:11I can't believe it.
14:12Well, I can, but I'm shocked.
14:14It follows his arrest yesterday morning on suspicion of misconduct
14:17in a public office.
14:18Hey, listen.
14:19That picture is fucking timeless.
14:21That picture is chef's case.
14:24The last time this happened was 300 odd years ago with Charles I,
14:28and that was the formation of Parliament.
14:31Oh, right.
14:31Yeah.
14:32What did he do exactly?
14:34Who, Charles I?
14:34Charles I, yeah.
14:36It was like, he was leaking trade secrets to the local paedophile.
14:40Well, the former prince, who was released from custody last night,
14:44is alleged to have shared official documents when he was Britain's
14:47trade envoy with the late sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.
14:51I mean, to be fair, I was surprised at what he was arrested for.
14:54Really?
14:55Yeah.
14:55Do you want to play the, uh,
14:57he's officially and strenuously denied everything game?
15:00Every time they say it, we have to have a little drink.
15:02He denies any wrongdoing.
15:04Oh.
15:07There'll be plenty more.
15:08Of course he does.
15:09Where was he that day, Pizza Express?
15:12Do you know what, though?
15:13For him to be arrested, they must have some pretty good evidence.
15:16This is what shell shock looks like.
15:19Released last night, still under investigation.
15:22I think I look like that sometimes when I'm in a taxi on the way home.
15:25They go too fast, you're like this.
15:27I'm going to be sick.
15:29Whoa!
15:30These were the barely believable scenes at Royal Lodge this morning.
15:33The former residents of the former prince still being searched by police.
15:38Royal Lodge being searched!
15:41Happy birthday to you!
15:42They arrested him on his birthday as well.
15:44Oh, yeah, yeah.
15:44It was his birthday, wasn't it?
15:46What if he had to cancel his party?
15:48Are we off to Pizza Express straight from the clink, I reckon?
15:51Because you get a free pizza on your birthday, don't you, if you're registered?
15:54Yeah.
15:55Yeah.
15:55Box News alert, we begin...
15:56His arrest has resonated with US survivors of the late sex offender Jeffrey Epstein,
16:01who have called on US authorities to hold its citizens to account.
16:05Doesn't that say to America?
16:06Come on.
16:07Pull your finger out.
16:09Yeah.
16:10Give some justice to these girls.
16:12What these victims are up against is an awful lot of wealthy people.
16:18And that's why it's taken as long as it has to get this far.
16:22Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has always denied wrongdoing in relation to Jeffrey Epstein.
16:26Well, he's not going to admit it, is he?
16:28He has not been arrested on suspicion of any sexual offence.
16:32But then again, you know, he has always said he's done no wrong, so he's nothing to worry about.
16:35Yeah.
16:36That's the thing.
16:37He won't be worried because he says he's done nothing wrong.
16:39Exactly.
16:40And those that have done nothing wrong shan't be worried.
16:43Yeah.
16:43Every time I see anything about the Epstein files and anything in connection, I just think about it.
16:47I'm like, there's a whole heap of women.
16:49A whole heap.
16:50There's ones that we know and there's the ones that haven't spoken out.
16:54Yeah.
16:54And then there's children in these photos.
16:56Yeah.
16:56That's what I'm thinking about.
16:58Yeah.
16:58I'm just like, oh my gosh.
17:00Oh my gosh.
17:03In Derby.
17:04Grandad had like a proper routine with the way he shaved them, didn't he?
17:07Oh God, it was a ritual.
17:09He had like the bowl, that little stick, put on the brush, put the soap on the brush.
17:15The soap was called Erasmus.
17:17The Sadikis.
17:18A funny word that is, isn't it?
17:20Yeah.
17:20Like a cross between erotic and orgasmic.
17:23Yeah.
17:23It's really good.
17:23You look at it and think, what do I do with this?
17:25Yeah.
17:28That is a weird name, isn't it?
17:30Yes.
17:30Erasmus.
17:31I don't know why.
17:31I don't know how horny that marketing department was.
17:33E-R-S-M-I-C.
17:35I remember writing it down in that because it used to be on shopping lists as well.
17:40Oh, I can't.
17:41Erasmus.
17:42Erasmus.
17:43Erasmus.
17:44Erasmus.
17:51Erasmus.
17:54Erasmus.
17:55The history of hospitals.
17:56Yeah.
17:56This will be the best programme ever.
17:58I think, at the back of my mind, because I'm from a medical background, that's why I bring
18:03you coffee in bed.
18:04Yes.
18:04And try to keep you in bed.
18:06And I'm only happy to play the role of the invalid, Mary.
18:10Yes.
18:15Remember when we used to go to the Thackeray Medical Museum?
18:18And you always wanted to go in the room with the video with that girl having a leg cut
18:22off with now an aesthetic?
18:24The amputation.
18:25You used to go in it time and time again.
18:27I don't know why.
18:28Sicko.
18:29I want to go again.
18:30We should take kids.
18:31Yeah, we should take kids, traumatise them like we want.
18:33In the programme, Alice was learning about 17th century surgery.
18:37These are some actual bladder stones.
18:40These are real bladder stones.
18:41Look at that one.
18:43It looks huge, isn't it?
18:44It looks huge.
18:45It is huge.
18:46They was all in people's bodies.
18:48Yeah.
18:49Cool.
18:49Hello, can you pass one of them, innit?
18:52Well, you couldn't.
18:53That's why they had to extract them surgically.
18:55Stones forming urine, they grow in a concentrated solution.
18:59So if you don't drink enough water, I'm afraid you get bladder stones.
19:02I don't drink enough water, you know.
19:05What am I telling you to do all the time?
19:07Two litres a day.
19:08I haven't drunk water, I don't think, since last week.
19:12What?
19:12It was too dangerous to go in the top because you're too near the bowels.
19:16So you have to go underneath.
19:18Oh, God.
19:19Oh, gosh.
19:22Underneath where?
19:23But you're going through the root of the penis here.
19:26Then you're having to go through this muscle.
19:27Yeah.
19:28Then you've got to go through the prostate.
19:29Yes.
19:30Oh, mate.
19:31Oh, with no anaesthetic, Daniella.
19:33Oh, my gosh.
19:35Are you all right there, Dad?
19:36Oh!
19:38If you've got something like this, you've then got to pull that out.
19:40You've then got to pull it out.
19:42Oh, my God.
19:42This is so gruesome.
19:44I think I'd rather call it a day, Natty, wouldn't you?
19:46You do.
19:46So you have to feel for the stone.
19:48And actually, you have to listen for the stone.
19:51Listen.
19:51I don't know stone's made a noise.
19:53What you do, if you pass that into the bladder, you might hear it go, tink.
19:58So they've put that down the pee hole.
20:00Yeah.
20:01Tink, tink, tink.
20:04Like, like...
20:05And you have to pass it into the urethra, and it wants to end up like that.
20:10Oh!
20:11No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
20:12The urethra?
20:13Yeah.
20:13That is dating with the devil.
20:15Oh, no.
20:16And then as you start to go down, turn it round.
20:20Ooh, okay.
20:20There you go.
20:21Right.
20:21Oh!
20:23Oh!
20:25We've not got a smaller one than that.
20:27Fucking hell off!
20:28Oh, Jesus!
20:28So you're round that curve, and you're in the bladder.
20:31Yeah.
20:32Oh!
20:32Oh!
20:33Mmm!
20:39Alice!
20:40Your voice has gone up a few notches.
20:43The surgeon must now feel and listen out for the metal tool hitting the stone above the screams of the
20:50patient.
20:50Oh!
20:51It's hard to...
20:52Oh!
20:53Ha-ha!
20:54Fucking hell, she dig it in there, ain't she?
20:57Fucking hell!
20:58How big a hole?
20:59Well, they said between two and four inches.
21:02Oh!
21:02Watch his knackers!
21:03Two and four inches!
21:05Hell!
21:06Is that that big?
21:07I think this is the opportunity we need to thank God for the invention of keyhole surgery.
21:11Correct.
21:12I'm gonna give you the stone forceps.
21:13See if you can feel the stone.
21:15Where's that going?
21:16Up.
21:17I'm pushing in here.
21:20Oh!
21:20Oh!
21:21My God!
21:22Oh, can you imagine?
21:25Oh!
21:25I'm glad you're suffering for a change.
21:27Oh!
21:29Oh!
21:29Oh!
21:30Oh!
21:30Oh, my goodness!
21:31Oh!
21:32Oh, my goodness!
21:32Oh, no, no, no!
21:32I'd rather die.
21:33Oh, no!
21:33Has it finished yet, Mary?
21:35No.
21:36Don't worry, I'll tell you when it's over.
21:39Oh, my goodness!
21:40That's it?
21:41The stone's out?
21:42It's out.
21:42The worst is over.
21:43Well, at least men now know what it feels like to have the perenniums teared without any anaesthetic.
21:49Women have been at it for years.
21:51All they've had to give birth to is a bladder stone.
21:54Try a seven and a half pound baby.
21:56He got when I was getting induced with Ralphie, they got this metal clamp out.
22:02Did they use it?
22:03It was horrible.
22:04Did they use it?
22:05It was...
22:05Josh went, is that medieval?
22:07She went, ha-ha, funny enough.
22:09And that was up a bigger hole than what this is?
22:12You cheeky bastard.
22:14No, I don't mean that!
22:23In South East London...
22:25Oh, do you know, I'm desperate for some meat and tooth edge.
22:29I really am, so...
22:30Is that a...
22:31Is that a student then for something?
22:33No.
22:34Sue and her husband, Steve.
22:37I've actually thought, you know, of having a car free delivered.
22:41Can you do that?
22:43Yes!
22:45Oh, yeah!
22:46Why don't they spill the gravy or anything?
22:48It comes in a carton, doesn't it?
22:49Of course it...
22:50What do you think?
22:51It comes in a jug?
22:52Well, I don't know.
22:53I thought it might...
22:53Well, where do you think...
22:54What?
22:54What might have been on the plate?
22:56No!
22:56Swishing around a little.
22:58Oh, your Brussels flying around.
23:00No!
23:01In a sea of gravy.
23:03Gravy.
23:05Oh, yeah.
23:06Get it delivered on the back of a motorbike.
23:09Bring it in, put it on the plate and done.
23:12Oh, yeah.
23:13On Monday, it was another fella in police custody hitting the headlines on ITV.
23:19Oh, here we go again.
23:22Who's been arrested now and for what?
23:26Epstein's mates are dropping like flies in this country, aren't they?
23:29Yeah.
23:29I wonder who's next.
23:31This is the ITV Evening News with Mary Nightingale.
23:36I can hear next door's TV.
23:38Louder than ours.
23:39They've got the Mandelson news on as well.
23:41No!
23:42Yeah!
23:43Good evening.
23:44Lord Mandelson is being held by detectives tonight
23:47after being arrested on suspicion of misconduct in public office.
23:52It's not entirely unexpected, this news.
23:54It was a question of not if, but when.
23:57What is going on in the world?
23:59We've had a royal arrested and a senior lord.
24:02Screw the patriarchy.
24:03Mandelson, who was sacked as the UK's US ambassador last September,
24:07is under criminal investigation.
24:10Oh!
24:12Criminal.
24:14After he was named in the Jeffrey Epstein files.
24:18They're not messing around.
24:19They're putting that out there.
24:22Just before five o'clock this evening,
24:24Lord Mandelson was escorted from his home by two police officers.
24:28He's got a right punch on him.
24:30Yeah.
24:30Look what I've got.
24:31That's all the files he's at.
24:34LAUGHTER
24:36It is giving a day trip to the cells, that, isn't it?
24:39Yeah, yeah.
24:40I bet it's autographed by M&S, something like that.
24:43A leading figure in British politics for more than four decades,
24:47tonight finds himself in police custody.
24:49Oh, how embarrassing.
24:51You know, I think he'll be more beat-wrote,
24:53the fact that he's getting taken away in a full focus
24:56rather than being arrested.
24:57But, to be fair, it is the estate version.
24:59In a statement, the Metropolitan Police said
25:02officers have arrested a 72-year-old man
25:05on suspicion of misconduct in public office.
25:08Well, we know who it is, innit?
25:09Yeah, why did they do that?
25:10We've arrested a 70-year-old man.
25:13He wears glasses.
25:15Name rhymes with Handelson.
25:17It was emails released last month
25:20by the US Department of Justice
25:22that prompted police to open an investigation.
25:25Their investigation is likely to focus
25:27on whether Lord Mandelson shared
25:29highly sensitive government information
25:31with the financier and convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.
25:35What it does prove, O'Meara,
25:36is that nobody in this country is above the law.
25:40That seems to be the message
25:42that they're very keen to put out.
25:44Unlike in America.
25:46Yes.
25:47And one appeared to give advance notice
25:49of Gordon Brown's resignation as Prime Minister
25:52around nine hours before this
25:54market-sensitive information was made public.
25:57Yeah, that's going to move markets.
25:59That's going to move markets.
26:00Once that announcement's made.
26:02Yeah.
26:02I think, for me, the saddest thing
26:05and the bit that just makes my skin crawl
26:06is the indifference that these elite-type people
26:10showed towards Epstein
26:12even though he was convicted
26:13of the crimes he was convicted for.
26:16Yeah.
26:16The messages date back to when Lord Mandelson
26:18served as business secretary
26:20in Gordon Brown's government.
26:22What was he pointing at there?
26:24Shall I tell Jeffrey about that?
26:25I should tell Jeffrey about this, shouldn't I?
26:27Yeah.
26:28Lord Mandelson resigned from the House of Lords last month.
26:31Noble of him.
26:33Today, the government said it was still working on legislation
26:36to remove his title.
26:38I mean, 100% his title should go.
26:41Titles of everything should go.
26:43Let's go straight to Rachel at Scotland Yard now.
26:46Rachel, what do we know about what will be happening
26:49inside where you are right now?
26:51Slopping out.
26:52It's called slopping out.
26:53He won't be slopping out.
26:54He'll just be chatting to them.
26:56No, but there's a thing called slopping out.
26:58As soon as he gets there, he'll have to slop...
27:01He'll have to slop out other prisoners.
27:04Waste, won't he?
27:07He will be taken to a cell in the custody suite
27:10and that cell will be very sparse.
27:12Good.
27:13It will likely contain just a bed and a toilet.
27:16I was supposed to feel sorry for him.
27:18We need more details, Mary.
27:19I don't want...
27:20Will the toilet have a seat
27:21and will it have hard or soft loo paper?
27:24Ah.
27:25Will it have an air freshener or a vaponer unit?
27:28Police will have 24 hours to question him
27:30before he needs to be either charged or released
27:33pending further investigation.
27:34So both those detectives and for Lord Mandelson himself,
27:37the clock is now ticking.
27:39The cells of England are going to end up looking
27:40like Madame Tussauds with all the, like, high and mighty there.
27:44You know why all these big things are happening
27:46in the news this week, don't you?
27:48No, why?
27:49Because we have just entered into the new Chinese New Year.
27:52New Year of the Fire Horse.
27:54Only happens once every 60 years.
27:56Big changes.
27:58Shit's going down in the Year of the Fire Horse.
28:00Is that why Hong Kong Express has been closed?
28:02Yeah.
28:05In Blackpool.
28:06Hey, I've got a new life hack for you.
28:09Go on.
28:09So you know how they charge to put air and, like, screen wash in
28:13at the garage?
28:14Mm-hm.
28:14I've got a little trick now.
28:16Pete and his little sister Sophie.
28:18You wait for somebody to turn up, right,
28:20who's just putting a bit of air in one of their tyres, right?
28:23Anyway, they drive off and it's still running.
28:27Me straight in, I've done two tyres worth of air
28:29and a full thing of screen wash.
28:32For nothing?
28:32For free.
28:33I even flashed it in and said, come on, you go.
28:35You go.
28:36He's like...
28:37I'm like, no, thank you.
28:41On Thursday night, an intrepid explorer was taking part in some extreme ways
28:46to become an adult on Discovery.
28:50Stop it!
28:53What's wrong with you?
28:54He's been drinking out the soil at him.
28:57Oh, this is our thing, that Ed Stafford, isn't he?
29:00He's like an explorer sort of thing, isn't he?
29:02You know what I mean?
29:03He does some wild stuff.
29:05Oh, I swear.
29:07So how did you go from boy to man?
29:10I bumped into you.
29:11Oh, was that your first experience?
29:14Huh? Yeah.
29:18If that's what you want to call it.
29:21I'm heading deep into the Amazon jungle
29:23to visit a people called the Satarenoe.
29:26Satarenoe?
29:27That was really good.
29:29They live on the Andira River, 80 kilometres from the nearest city.
29:34Oh, that's the middle of bloody nowhere.
29:36That is buttfuck nowhere.
29:37Oh, yeah.
29:38Brazil's in South America.
29:40I thought Brazil was its own country.
29:44I didn't know the Amazon was in Brazil either.
29:46That's quite interesting.
29:47This community has a unique rite of passage ceremony
29:50that involves them putting their hands in gloves full of bullet ants.
29:54Full of what? Ants.
29:56Oh, Ronnie.
29:58Of course they do, yeah.
29:59That's just a normal rite of passage.
30:01The bullet ant, of all insects,
30:03has the most painful sting in the world.
30:06Oh!
30:07No.
30:08Why? Just why?
30:10I've been stung by a wasp.
30:11Have you?
30:12Mm-hmm.
30:13Eh, esa formiga, ela non tem remedio.
30:16There's no medicine for the sting of this ant.
30:19Ha-ha-ha!
30:21It's been likened to walking on hot coves.
30:23Oh, shit, what's this?
30:24No.
30:31Oh, gee, two gloves!
30:33Oh, what fun?
30:34Oh, it's Tawanzarin!
30:35Oh, no!
30:35Oh, I only thought there was gonna put one in!
30:37This is an extraordinary thing to put yourself through.
30:41Why this hand?
30:42What about his pants?
30:44This is why you're not the leader, Dad.
30:46Yeah.
30:46You'd make it worse.
30:47Yeah.
30:48You've literally got a veteran.
30:51Crying.
30:52Oh, is he crying?
30:53Crying!
30:54Experiencing a level of pain
30:56that I know I have never felt in my life before.
30:59Oh, God.
30:59Oh, he said he said, how can he, Jenny?
31:01It's like an endurance test, isn't it?
31:03I sort of get this a little bit now.
31:04It's like, how much can you take?
31:07This is it.
31:08Oh, oh, here we go.
31:10He said to turn.
31:11Game time.
31:12Oh, God.
31:17I do it.
31:18OK, it's going to...
31:19At least he's honest.
31:21Yeah.
31:21At least he's honest.
31:22Right.
31:24Here we go, Jane.
31:25Here we go.
31:26Go!
31:26Oh, my days!
31:28He, he, he!
31:32The answer's probably nibbling.
31:37I may look composed, but the pain is excruciating.
31:41God, he's doing an amazing job, though.
31:43Yeah.
31:44He's looking composed.
31:45Yeah.
31:45Internally meltdown.
31:46I think he's trying to put his mind in a different place, isn't he?
31:51They're coming off.
31:52Oh, I feel relief for him.
31:56His hands aren't even red.
32:00Oh, they are a bit.
32:01They've had a good old munch on his hands, haven't they?
32:04They've been feasting on him.
32:06Ed, look at that.
32:07There's got holes in his hands.
32:10Four hours after the ritual.
32:12Oh, how's he bearing up?
32:13All night, Edgy.
32:14All night.
32:15All night.
32:16On his back.
32:17Do you think he's all right?
32:18No!
32:19He don't look all right.
32:21HE LAUGHS
32:21He's not all right.
32:26Christy, look at his hands left.
32:28He's small then.
32:30Christy, they're...
32:30Twice or seis.
32:34Oh, still going on.
32:36Eight hours after the ritual, he's not so moaning, is he?
32:39It's kind of changed...
32:43..from burning fire to...
32:45..they've been smashed with a sledgehammer.
32:47Why has he wanted to do this?
32:49I just wouldn't.
32:50Go to Rome, see the Eiffel Tower.
32:54You wouldn't be seeing the Eiffel Tower in Rome, Ab.
32:56I mean...
33:05In Leeds...
33:06Mum fell down my stairs this morning.
33:09No!
33:10Yeah.
33:11She's been on about your stairs.
33:13Me and Mum slag your stairs off all time.
33:15Do you, I?
33:16Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
33:18It's because the steps are only about that wide.
33:22Do you know what she...
33:22And they're, like, that steep.
33:24She were on her way down my steps as well
33:25to vacuum my living room, gutted.
33:28So she didn't vacuum your living room then?
33:30Cos she hurt her elbow.
33:32Oh, for God's sake.
33:33She's done half late on thick, don't she?
33:36But her left hand or her right?
33:37I don't know.
33:38If it had been her left, then she should have still done it
33:41cos she doesn't need that one.
33:43This week, a sexy, twisty thriller
33:45had us all hooked on Prime Video.
33:48I've heard this might be a bit on the bawdy side, Natty.
33:52Oh, no.
33:53Don't say.
33:54We don't want all these graphic, heaving, panting people in the nude.
33:59I'm surprised you want to watch this with me and not with Toby.
34:02I don't want him getting any ideas.
34:03I can't be arsed.
34:07I hope you feel happy with yourself.
34:17Who the hell is that man?
34:19Oh, balaclava man.
34:26Oh, I can hear water.
34:28On the telly.
34:28To be fair, sometimes my shower's got a mind of its own and a treacle's.
34:33Treacle's.
34:37What?
34:38Something.
34:38There's water.
34:39Water on the floor and a heater on.
34:41What's going on here?
34:45Oh.
34:46Oh, no.
34:47What is that?!
34:49That ain't a body.
34:50It is.
34:51It is.
34:53He's taking photos of it.
34:55What is going on?
35:06the fire alarm off what's going on today all they're doing a rewind padders we're going back
35:18in time ah so we're gonna go back to day one oh I don't need to watch them like this
35:42when I'm just
35:43trying to date it's not helpful is it I already know it's not helpful this is why I don't want
35:48to
35:48date I got my NASA bag in Florida Cape Canaveral she's definitely cool is I am it I know in
36:01it
36:03oh sorry oh bump oh on purpose I got the wrong drink okay she likes what she sees as well
36:14waiting on her outside anyone else I would have said creepy but him but him romantic
36:22hey NASA oh NASA your bag I like it I like your bag I wonder if I would have said
36:30it if it had
36:30Primark on the side of it I bet I wonder if it was a little like your bag wait it
36:34far right
36:34if it's a little or Primark can you name all the shuttles no I don't think so I'm not that
36:41good
36:42it's gotta be the nerdiest chapline ever I'm Oliver by the way I didn't ask I'm Sierra dad remember your
36:50Ford Sierra that was a lovely car that was yeah and it wasn't long before they swapped numbers I
36:58read about this uh this place that does really good cocktails we get you can meet there 630 Westbury
37:05bar don't say yes you'll get melted and be in a bathtub in 56 days see you there blind reading
37:13the
37:13blind he looks a bit creepy and intense don't he he's giving creepy intense vibes oh
37:23she wrote the name of the shuttles down she said she didn't know oh I don't like the look I
37:33don't he
37:33looks a bit shifty to me 50 just once man just once I want the Asian to be a goody
37:42this is quite the bar
37:48isn't it very nice I feel right knob there do you have a favorite cocktail yes yeah
37:55sex on the beach bathroom I'll be right back
38:04what's he for aren't he he's on the phone to a psychotherapist oh wow what's going on here
38:13I don't think I'm doing it again I don't know what's gonna happen if you don't pick up the
38:18fucking phone oh he's doing it again so he's done it before whatever it is he's done it before
38:23what is he like a psychopath and he's like I want to not be a psychopath but if you don't
38:27pick up the
38:28phone I'm going to be a psychopath he's calling his therapist help a bit later Ciara had found her
38:33way back to Oliver's swanky flat I don't know what you mean yes you do take off your jacket
38:38oh I don't like his tone no what how day how day I yeah yeah yeah yeah she's got the
39:01liquors on she knew how this date was going ace why is he doing the worm on her I remember
39:20when
39:20dramas used to be like Columbo so she's made it out of air then
39:34mm-hmm oh hello that's Oliver's business cards that's Oliver's business card
39:41I have to see it yeah why is she got pictures of this like on her phone are they of
39:47his apartment
39:49this is getting weirder by the minute Teresa
39:55what a shuttle list she's trapped him yeah he didn't trap her she trapped him
40:04I can't do it I don't know what they're up to here at all now so this before she meets
40:09Oliver
40:20that's where she met him oh she followed him he was already in the shop so she's followed him
40:30oh her whole plan was to seduce him and see this is why I don't date
40:35hmm
40:38in North London you know obviously like I wanted something to eat like before we start fasting
40:45again I like 4am the quickest thing was an Oreo milkshake sisters Amira and Armani blending it on the
40:52floor on the carpet so that it stops the vibrations and the noise because because then otherwise dad
40:58would have woken up seeing that I'm a gluttonous bitch and and and had a go at me I can't
41:05lie I did
41:05not feel guilty at the time of night that's crazy that is heavy at 4am it's sitting in my stomach
41:11at 4am and I'm going straight back to sleep
41:14go no wonder why my stomach hurt all night I can't deal with you honestly and you know it's fine
41:21I can't be having that much dairy and like it's it didn't go well
41:26on Sunday night Olivia Atwood showed us more risqué ways to earn big bucks on ITV2
41:33I mean it'd be nice to be filthy rich but it's how you get rich innit yeah filthy
41:43getting filthy rich from what that's the question mom's the biggest hustler ever innit yeah she is I mean put
41:51her out there she would be making money honestly
41:55she would be that's a wild statement to me not in that way stop are you trying to pimp out
42:00your mom no no not in that way are you trying to pimp out your own mom
42:03no that's the maddest shit I've ever heard it's Ramadan
42:09I'm on my way to Exeter to go to a distillery where they are making drinks infused with people's knickers
42:18what oh you say confusion people's knickers and now we have the technology to sell absolutely anything without destroying the
42:30flavor
42:31what flavors can you get out of underwear money I don't think I want to think about it
42:37but who's ever thought oh I could murder an undercarriage in coke
42:40yeah but that that is the millennial drink of choice now hey hey welcome welcome
42:47bar owner and distiller 41 year old George Nightingale made flavoured spirits for Aldi
42:52Aldi I've never seen flavoured spirits in Aldi
42:57before he started this he worked for Aldi oh right he's come up in the world
43:02tell me so come on into the distillery
43:04oh wow hi
43:05hello love to meet you
43:07how are you Bill nice to meet you
43:08would you shake their hands
43:09how'd you go hi
43:12how did you get into the alcohol business how long have you been doing this
43:14so I've been a publican most of my life
43:16oh don't want to go in this pub do you
43:18oh back
43:20and I thought who is earning a lot of money in the world at the moment
43:23porn industry
43:24prawn
43:25no porn
43:28the prawns are doing quite well as well
43:30who do you imagine your customers going to be then
43:33dirty old men
43:35I'm now creating a product for creators who have already got a following
43:40so if somebody's still already selling toenails
43:44he could approach them and say do you want to bundle up all your pants from your laundry basket
43:49and I'll make gin from it
43:50we don't want this to be niche and underground
43:53this is a mainstream product
43:55yeah
43:55mainstream my black ass
43:57I was just about to say it's definitely niche this
43:59well I want it to be niche and underground for God's sake
44:02yeah but you're not likely to be one of the perverts that goes in for nappy gin nutty
44:08and what does it taste like
44:09I mean does it does it really vary
44:11well we did a blind tasting
44:13and we could tell the difference between each one
44:15each one what
44:16each different star's content basically
44:21so what do you think I could earn if I was to commission a bottle
44:26I think it's not unreasonable to suggest that we could return you a quarter of a million pounds for an
44:31item of clothing
44:32what
44:32right
44:33I think it's not
44:35where is it
44:35quarter of a million pounds
44:37get your knickers off
44:40this is rather uncomfortable but I've been sitting on my own bra after the last ten minutes
44:45because I just whipped it off on the way over here
44:46look at him he's just gonna bounce ding ding ding ding ding
44:49but if I could get you to put your bra in there for me
44:53okay
44:55goodbye sweet child
44:56what
44:57I'd put my bra in there why not
44:58because the bras don't actually have much of a
45:01they're quite pure aren't they bras they don't smell of anything
45:05so you can see in there it's that kind of murky colour
45:07yeah
45:08and then when it comes dripping out here it becomes crystal clear
45:11oh it's just a fucking washing machine we could do it ourselves yeah
45:15it's one thing to put the bra in but whether or not Olivia's gonna actually drink it afterwards
45:20that's the real test isn't it
45:23coming
45:25hello
45:25oh
45:26thank you
45:27there's the delivery
45:28this is the tasting Jane
45:29this is our gin Simon
45:30look at that
45:32that's pretty cool isn't it
45:34it's more than I was expecting
45:35oh it's tiny
45:37I thought you was getting a proper bottle
45:40no but you're getting a little little smidgen fam
45:42that's a shot
45:43okay let's have a little try
45:45she's gonna drink killer
45:49Christ almighty
45:50oh
45:53no mixer
45:57wouldn't recommend
46:01something feels wrong about that
46:03oh god
46:03I guess if you're in a relationship
46:05you could say I'm gonna collect his pants for three days and then I could drink it
46:13you know it might be quite sexy if you're in a if I knew whose I was drinking I wouldn't
46:19wanna
46:22I wouldn't put that on your dating profile to be honest
46:24you
46:25critics say if this doesn't incite righteous anger over our filthy water then nothing will
46:33stream David Thulis and Jason Watkins new factual drama dirty business now
46:37new Monday at 9 the survival show where all you have to do is survive someone else
46:41Jonathan Ross hosts the outrageously entertaining handcuffed last pair standing
46:46in the last week
46:46next night Zach Polanski goes live on the last leg
46:50perfect
46:50The perfect world
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