- 14 hours ago
Step back into the charm of small-town America with It’s a Joke, Son! (1947), a delightful political comedy filled with wit, satire, and vintage humor.
When an ordinary man unexpectedly finds himself pulled into a mayoral race, the town erupts into a whirlwind of confusion, laughter, and clever schemes. Packed with sharp dialogue and classic 1940s charm, this hidden gem captures the spirit of post-war American comedy with warmth and playful energy.
A rare treasure from the Golden Age of Hollywood, this film is perfect for fans of retro comedy and timeless storytelling.
When an ordinary man unexpectedly finds himself pulled into a mayoral race, the town erupts into a whirlwind of confusion, laughter, and clever schemes. Packed with sharp dialogue and classic 1940s charm, this hidden gem captures the spirit of post-war American comedy with warmth and playful energy.
A rare treasure from the Golden Age of Hollywood, this film is perfect for fans of retro comedy and timeless storytelling.
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00The End
00:00:33The End
00:01:08The End
00:01:51I say, I tell you, this infiltration has got to stop.
00:01:55Do you realize they're northern spires?
00:01:58They're boring from within.
00:02:00It's treachery.
00:02:01Northern treachery.
00:02:03Get the blast on that character.
00:02:05He's the guy we need to make speeches for leads.
00:02:07Come on.
00:02:08Northern spires from Washington.
00:02:10Since when do we have to import our apples from foreign places?
00:02:14Ah, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
00:02:17Born and bred in the South.
00:02:19But, Mr. Claghorn, I have to get my apples from someplace and they grow up North.
00:02:23Then something's got to be done about it.
00:02:25Well, speaking in general, our grandchildren...
00:02:27Don't ever mention that name in my presence.
00:02:29It doesn't mean nothing.
00:02:30But what can we do, Mr. Claghorn?
00:02:32Eliminate the North.
00:02:33Make the whole country South.
00:02:35That way we can call these apples Southern Spires.
00:02:38Hey, you.
00:02:39Claghorn's your name.
00:02:39Full regard Claghorn, that here.
00:02:41Howdy.
00:02:42Now, son, in my plan, you simply move the Mason-Dixon line up around the Great Lakes.
00:02:46Make Canada North.
00:02:47Mr. Claghorn...
00:02:47And after that, anyone who couldn't talk with a Southern drawl would have to get a passport.
00:02:51But what about our maps, Mr. Claghorn?
00:02:53Maps?
00:02:54Did you ever look at the maps?
00:02:54Did you notice how all the rivers flow south?
00:02:57Well, that's only because of the shape of the earth.
00:02:59Nonsense, son.
00:03:00It's because I can't stand it up North.
00:03:01Claghorn, you're wasting our time.
00:03:03Now, speaking of maps, you know, we've got two states down here.
00:03:05South Carolina and North Carolina.
00:03:08North Carolina.
00:03:09No such place.
00:03:10Why don't they call it Upper South Carolina?
00:03:12Well, you're going to...
00:03:12And I can't for the life of me understand why we got a South Dakota up North.
00:03:17There I go.
00:03:18Said that awful word again.
00:03:19But what's the difference, Mr. Claghorn?
00:03:21We all got the same American blood in us whether we come from the North or the South.
00:03:25That's liable, son.
00:03:27I wouldn't have any Northern blood in me if I was dying and needed a transfusion.
00:03:31I don't know, Mr. Claghorn.
00:03:33My daughter married a Northern man.
00:03:35A Southern girl married to a Northerner.
00:03:39Why, George, their children will be half-breed.
00:03:42What?
00:03:42Claghorn, we haven't got all day.
00:03:44That's a joke, son.
00:03:45Half-breed.
00:03:46Southern girl married to a Norther.
00:03:48Look, look, look.
00:03:48Quiet.
00:03:49Quiet?
00:03:50Well, I haven't even begun to talk.
00:03:52That's just a whisper for me.
00:03:53If you really want to hear me, all right.
00:03:55Save it, Claghorn.
00:03:56We'll pay you to make noises like that.
00:03:58Pay me?
00:03:58Yeah.
00:03:58Well, gentlemen, what have I got to do?
00:04:01Plain or fancy oratory?
00:04:03Radio talking?
00:04:04Barbershop arguing or hog calling?
00:04:06We want you to make speeches for Senator Alexander B. Leeds.
00:04:09Leeds?
00:04:10Why, that boon-doggling, pussy-footing, carpet-bagging, fuselanimous.
00:04:15Fuselanimous, that ear.
00:04:16Provide a minute.
00:04:17We'll pay you $25 in speech.
00:04:19I wouldn't care if you were going to pay me in Confederate money.
00:04:22Now this leads, McGowan.
00:04:23And when you mention that man Leeds to me, a man who's done more to sully the fair name
00:04:28of the South than the bold weevil, you've got a bull with a tail.
00:04:32And I'm flicking that tail in your face.
00:04:33We'll give you a bit of...
00:04:34It's my tail.
00:04:35Er, talk, I mean to say.
00:04:36And I stand back of it.
00:04:38I defy you and the corruption you represent.
00:04:41Shut up.
00:04:42Shut up.
00:04:42I want to begin to talk.
00:04:44And there's no power on earth can silence me.
00:04:46Clary God.
00:04:50Clary God.
00:05:01Yes, my dear?
00:05:03Talk, talk, talk.
00:05:05That's all you do?
00:05:06Yes, dear.
00:05:07You know the daughters of Dixie are meeting at the house today and we still have to help
00:05:11Mary Lou get things ready?
00:05:12Yes, dear.
00:05:13Well, come on.
00:05:16Daisy!
00:05:17Don't you know that's a northern apple?
00:05:19You want to get this temple?
00:05:21Drop it.
00:05:21Come on.
00:05:24Yes, dear.
00:05:30Come on, Abigail.
00:05:31Come on, Abigail.
00:05:33Come on.
00:05:38Come on.
00:05:59Yes?
00:06:00Were you expecting anybody else?
00:06:01No.
00:06:02I had a hunch I could make you fall for me, but not that hard.
00:06:04What are you doing here?
00:06:06Just drop in and see if you were still beautiful.
00:06:08You better drop out and quit.
00:06:09You know how Mother feels about us.
00:06:11I know.
00:06:11She just got through telling me all about it.
00:06:13She told you?
00:06:14Yes.
00:06:15But she didn't know about it.
00:06:17You see, I hit it on the back of the Surrey.
00:06:18Only she didn't know about that either.
00:06:20Oh, the chances you take.
00:06:21Boy, that's nothing to the chances I take for you.
00:06:24Listen, honey.
00:06:25I went over to the Arctic Packing Company again today to see that salesman Clancy.
00:06:28Please, don't talk work.
00:06:30Here, here.
00:06:31Would you put this up here for me?
00:06:32Well, I thought you'd be interested.
00:06:33After all, my getting that frozen food truck is one of the most important things in both
00:06:37of our lives.
00:06:37Well, we won't have any lives if Mother catches you here.
00:06:40Well, you wait until I get that frozen food business started and you watch how quick
00:06:43she'll change her tune.
00:06:44Wait, it's right.
00:06:45Well, that truck cost $2,700, you said, and you haven't even got enough for a down payment.
00:06:50Well, that's a detail that's a little bit rough, but once I get going...
00:06:52Well, you better get going right now.
00:06:58Can't you make this horse go any faster?
00:07:02Abigail, as you can know, has only three speeds.
00:07:06Slow, dead slow, and stop.
00:07:16Who were those two men you were yelling at back in town?
00:07:20Men?
00:07:20Those insects weren't men.
00:07:23Three booters, scattywags.
00:07:25They had the ingenious to try to bribe me.
00:07:28They offered me money.
00:07:29Money?
00:07:31For what?
00:07:32Making speeches.
00:07:33Making speeches?
00:07:35Well, that's practically stealing it for you, Beauregard.
00:07:38When do you start?
00:07:39I don't.
00:07:41You mean you turned the dial?
00:07:44I'd rather you say I gave it up.
00:07:47Claghorn doesn't sell his honesty and integrity.
00:07:51Money.
00:07:52We've sold nearly everything else.
00:07:57Well, I say I refuse to aid that sniveling hypocrite, Senator Lee.
00:08:02Lee?
00:08:04I can't say I blame you for that.
00:08:07But that's just like you, Beauregard.
00:08:09You finally get a chance to make some money, and it has to be one you can't accept.
00:08:13I know.
00:08:15Did our allowance arrive yet?
00:08:18In the mail.
00:08:19I hope so.
00:08:20All we got to our names is the monthly allowance from that, that weed patch.
00:08:25Weed patch?
00:08:26You call the Claghorn Menbred a weed patch?
00:08:29The land that supplied the entire South with the moon-suckling men that would ever squeeze into a julep?
00:08:34Go, Regard.
00:08:36There.
00:08:38Under the allowance.
00:08:41Under the allowance.
00:08:42Under the allowance.
00:08:43Under the allowance.
00:08:46Under the allowance.
00:08:48Under the allowance.
00:08:49Under the allowance.
00:08:50Under the allowance.
00:08:52Under the allowance.
00:08:54Under the allowance.
00:08:54Under the allowance.
00:08:55Under the allowance.
00:08:55Under the allowance.
00:08:55Under the allowance.
00:08:55Under the allowance.
00:08:56Under the allowance.
00:08:56Under the allowance.
00:08:56Under the allowance.
00:08:57Under the allowance.
00:08:57Under the allowance.
00:09:00Under the allowance.
00:09:08Stop that fooling around and come on.
00:09:37All right. All right, Beauregard. Come on. Bring the groceries and come on.
00:09:45Mother's home.
00:09:48Marie, I forgot something.
00:09:51Oh, my God.
00:09:55They're new.
00:09:57Yes, Mother?
00:10:04Is everything ready, Mary Lou?
00:10:06Oh, yes, Mother. Yes.
00:10:07What is that behind your back?
00:10:09Nothing. Don't you have some lunch to get or something?
00:10:12What is that behind your back?
00:10:14Why, that's mine, Magnolia.
00:10:17Yours? Since when do you wear two hats?
00:10:19When it's cold. It's my spare hat. I wear it in my spare time.
00:10:24You've never worn a thing like that since I can remember.
00:10:27Yeah, I had it before I met you. I wore it when I was a boy.
00:10:30Oh, so you wore it when you were a boy.
00:10:32Well, the hat shrunk a little.
00:10:37Hmm, J.D.
00:10:39Uh, Jeff happened by. He, uh, he helped me move this furniture.
00:10:43And so that's the way it is. Conspiring against me.
00:10:46If, if that Jeff Davis comes in this house once more, I'm gonna pack up and go home to Mother.
00:10:51You will?
00:10:52Oh. Oh, so you want to get rid of me?
00:10:54Oh, no, dear. I only said, uh, I said...
00:10:57Oh, I heard what you said already.
00:10:58I must have said something.
00:11:00Of all the contemptible things to say after I've been such a good wife.
00:11:04Oh, now, Mom, pardon me anything, Mom.
00:11:05Now, you just stay out of this. You just stay out of this.
00:11:07I can't. Not when I see you two this way, arguing all the time.
00:11:11Well, then why don't you both do what I want once in a while?
00:11:14Once in a while? Oh, but, Ma, we always give in to you.
00:11:18Then why doesn't your father do something useful?
00:11:21Oh, Mom, I'm sure that if you'd only show Papa a little more sympathy, that it'd give him new incentives.
00:11:27Oh, ridiculous. If I didn't drive your father to do things, it wouldn't do anything.
00:11:32Oh, sure, it's easy to put all the blame on me, but look at us.
00:11:36Mama, if you'd only try speaking nicely to Dad, I'm sure that...
00:11:41Oh, very well. I'll try it.
00:11:46Oh, Beauregard. Beauregard? Beauregard!
00:11:52Oh, Beauregard!
00:11:55Oh, that man. That man.
00:12:12Calling me, my dear?
00:12:15Calling you?
00:12:18I shouted until I was blue in the face.
00:12:20My dear, you look very well in blue.
00:12:23Oh, stop wasting time and help, Mary Lou.
00:12:26Dear me, the daughters can't be here already.
00:12:28I'll go. I'll see who it is.
00:12:31I'll go.
00:12:42Come on in. Morning, Mr. Peterson.
00:12:45Morning, Mr. Clegghorn.
00:12:47Got a special delivery letter for you.
00:12:49Special delivery, huh?
00:12:51Now, who'd be sending me your special delivery letter?
00:12:53Your Aunt Agathy?
00:12:54No.
00:12:55Maybe that nephew of yours in the army?
00:12:58Uh-uh.
00:12:58How about that Uncle Charlie of yours?
00:13:01We no longer correspond, sir.
00:13:03Not since he married a girl named Lincoln.
00:13:06Why, that girl's from Atlanta.
00:13:08A girl named Lincoln has no right to be from Atlanta.
00:13:12Well, there's only one way to find out whom this letter's from.
00:13:21Well, if this don't beat all get out, they certainly have got their nerve.
00:13:30Probably didn't even talk to you about it in the first place.
00:13:33Hmm.
00:13:34Mr. Clegghorn, I wouldn't stand for it if I were you.
00:13:38You wouldn't?
00:13:39No, sir.
00:13:40You've got to stand on your rights.
00:13:42Mr. Peterson, you're right.
00:13:45A man has got to stand on his rights.
00:13:48That's his spirit.
00:13:49Well, so long, Mr. Clegghorn.
00:13:50So long, Mr. Peterson.
00:13:54Uh...
00:13:55Well, guess I'm getting a little absent-minded.
00:13:58Yeah, absent-minded, that is.
00:14:00Anyhow, Mr. Clegghorn, I want you to know that you get the most interesting mail on my whole route.
00:14:06Well, that's mighty nice of you to say so, sir.
00:14:10Morning, Mr. eh... eh... eh...
00:14:12Claghorn's the name.
00:14:13Claghorn, sir.
00:14:14Morning, Mr. Peterson.
00:14:15Morning.
00:14:22Roundy-down.
00:14:24Magnolia!
00:14:25Mary Lou!
00:14:26Look here!
00:14:27Well, rich!
00:14:28Rich, look!
00:14:29Fifteen hundred dollars!
00:14:31Fifteen hundred?
00:14:31Where in the world did you...
00:14:32Well, the lawyers made a deal for the minfans with the Kentucky Distillery.
00:14:36Whiskey, you understand?
00:14:37They're gonna put up bottled mint julips with Claghorn's mint.
00:14:40Why, that's wonderful, Daddy.
00:14:42Oh, Regan, I could almost kiss you for that.
00:14:45Well, thank you, my dear.
00:14:46It's nice of you to almost want to kiss me.
00:14:48Well, why don't you kiss him, Mama?
00:14:50Hmm?
00:14:53Magnolia, my blossom.
00:14:54Prepare to defend yourself.
00:14:56Stop it, now.
00:14:57Stop it!
00:14:58Magnolia!
00:14:58Let me up here!
00:14:59Just one kiss!
00:15:00One little kiss!
00:15:02What on earth has come over you?
00:15:04Stop it!
00:15:05Stop it!
00:15:05Oh, let me...
00:15:06Stop it!
00:15:06This is it, Beauregard!
00:15:07Just one little kiss!
00:15:09What on earth has come over you?
00:15:11When you blush that way, you're as pretty as the day I married you.
00:15:14Oh, stop it!
00:15:14Oh, Beauregard!
00:15:18Stop it!
00:15:19Magnolia, there's nobody here to see us.
00:15:21Oh, my goodness, Beauregard!
00:15:23Watch out for my sacroiliac!
00:15:25All right, all right.
00:15:26Stop it, Beauregard!
00:15:27Let me...
00:15:27Stop it!
00:15:28Just one kiss!
00:15:29One little kiss!
00:15:30You're wrinkling my animal cast!
00:15:32Oh, my dear!
00:15:34I hadn't even noticed it.
00:15:36Ahem!
00:15:37Ahem!
00:15:38Magnolia, have you a cold?
00:15:40I didn't cold.
00:15:41You didn't?
00:15:42Well, I thought...
00:15:43You didn't!
00:15:44Oh!
00:15:45Oh!
00:15:46Oh!
00:15:47Oh, hello!
00:15:48Oh, yeah.
00:15:49I was showing Magnolia a new wrestling hole.
00:15:53Very interesting, I'm sure.
00:15:55Oh, well, ladies, after all, Mr. Crankhorn and I are married.
00:15:58Yeah, legally, that is.
00:16:00Mr. Crankhorn, dear, perhaps you'd better leave us alone.
00:16:03Yes, my dear.
00:16:04Uh, excuse me.
00:16:06Uh, the...
00:16:07The things for the punch are on the kitchen table.
00:16:10Yeah, the punch are on my...
00:16:11Uh, the kitchen has on...
00:16:12Excuse me, on the table.
00:16:13Yes, just, just...
00:16:14Come right on in, please.
00:16:16We'll serve refreshments immediately.
00:16:22Oh!
00:16:22Wilson, ma'am.
00:16:23Fifteen hundred dollars in my pocket.
00:16:25What am I?
00:16:26A soda jerk.
00:16:27Jerk, that is.
00:16:30Come in.
00:16:32Oh, come in, William.
00:16:34Now, what can I do for you?
00:16:35I'm collecting for the evening papers.
00:16:38Oh, yeah.
00:16:39How much is it?
00:16:40A dollar fifteen.
00:16:42Yeah.
00:16:44Oh, you don't happen to have change for fifteen hundred, do you?
00:16:47Fifteen hundred dollars.
00:16:49Gee, if Jeff had that, he could go right into business.
00:16:54Yeah, how do you happen to know so much about Jeff?
00:16:57Oh, he's my pal.
00:16:58He tells me everything.
00:17:00All he's waiting for is the money.
00:17:03Yeah?
00:17:03What business is he going into?
00:17:05I heard him tell my puppet he wanted to buy a truck.
00:17:08Truck?
00:17:09What's he want with a truck?
00:17:11Carry the bodies around him.
00:17:13Bodies?
00:17:14Sure.
00:17:15First he dresses him, then he puts him in the truck.
00:17:18That way they keep frozen stiff.
00:17:21Stiffs?
00:17:22I declare.
00:17:24So Jeff's going to become an undertaker.
00:17:26What's undertaker?
00:17:28Well, you have plenty of time to find out about that.
00:17:30My, oh, my.
00:17:31Wait till Magnolia finds out Jeff wants to be an undertaker.
00:17:34Hey, what you making? Potch?
00:17:35Oh, yeah.
00:17:36Grape juice and lemonade.
00:17:37It's for the ladies.
00:17:38Can I help you, Mr. Claghorn?
00:17:41Well, thank you, William.
00:17:42Yeah.
00:17:43There's some grape juice in the cupboard there.
00:17:45If you'll get it, please.
00:17:46Sure.
00:17:46I'm a good grape juice getter.
00:17:51Let's eat grape juice.
00:17:55If I knew how to eat, that might help.
00:17:59Maybe this is it.
00:18:04I got it, Mr. Claghorn.
00:18:06Hold it in.
00:18:08Okay.
00:18:18Well, we're getting to shape up.
00:18:26I must find out where Magnolia bought this grape juice.
00:18:29We haven't got enough yet, William.
00:18:31You'd better get some more grape juice over there.
00:18:33We've got to fill up this other bowl.
00:18:34Okay.
00:18:44Pour it in?
00:18:45Yeah.
00:18:46Pour it in the bowl, William.
00:19:03Pour it in.
00:19:04Pour it in.
00:19:07Pour it in.
00:19:16Pour it in.
00:19:17Pour it in.
00:19:17Pour it in.
00:19:17I'll get it.
00:19:17Well, pour it in.
00:19:32I wonder what they're making grape juice out of these days.
00:19:35Should I fill up the other boat, too?
00:19:38Yes, thank you, William.
00:19:52Now, ladies, it has been decided that women should take more interest in the affairs of state.
00:19:58We've left almost everything to the men.
00:20:00And look what a mess they made of the world.
00:20:04We have several important issues to discuss.
00:20:07Well, first, let's have the punch, Annabelle. It's so warm today.
00:20:11It's the Claghorn Special Formula, Mrs. Dinwiddie. Most refreshing.
00:20:16There you are.
00:20:18Good.
00:20:19I have one for you, Jennifer. And you, Matilda.
00:20:31I just love punch.
00:20:33If people drank punch instead of that horrible whiskey, this would be a better world.
00:20:37It might be better, but it wouldn't be as much fun.
00:20:40Well, alcohol will never pass our lips.
00:20:42Never?
00:20:43No, I never let it get past me, either.
00:20:59Can't Ying!
00:21:12I never let it...
00:21:36Oh, thank you, Beauregard. You, sir, very nicely.
00:21:39Thank you, my dear.
00:21:40Precisely. You see, the man's place is in the home.
00:21:58Oh, that's fine, William, fine. You've been a big help.
00:22:02My mother thinks I'm a brat.
00:22:04She does?
00:22:05Sure, and she's right, too.
00:22:08She used up all the great juice. Do you want to taste it?
00:22:11Uh-uh.
00:22:15That sure is powerful, great juice.
00:22:19You're a fine little man. I like you.
00:22:22Well, then how about giving me my $1.15?
00:22:25Friends, never discuss money matters.
00:22:37Does great juice always do that, Mr. Clackhorn?
00:22:40No, no, of course not. But I'm glad I don't have to put out any fires with this punch.
00:22:45Is it all ready for the ladies now?
00:22:48Yeah, but are the ladies ready for it?
00:22:50I'm going to play cops and robbers. Can I apologize to the big believe she's a bloodhound?
00:22:56Well, son, that dog is a bloodhound. She's a pedigree bloodhound.
00:23:00No fooling?
00:23:01Yeah.
00:23:02See, if you're a bloodhound, it's a blade.
00:23:08That's a joke, son.
00:23:11Come on, baby.
00:23:20And I say that women should enter politics.
00:23:23Why, a woman might even get to be president, like George Washington.
00:23:27Well, she might get to be president, but she could never be the father of her country.
00:23:37Please, please, this is no time for levity.
00:23:42Ladies, all my life I've been a suit-teetler, a suit-a-tet, a suit-a-tattler.
00:23:50I've never taken a drink in my life.
00:23:53That should stand for this first date.
00:23:55I say we should have prohibition again.
00:23:59And you're so ready for the country of every girl who's in your life.
00:24:09Whoopie!
00:24:19Ladies, the daughters of Dixie shall campaign to make this state as dry as it was during prohibition.
00:24:25And we girls shall be a shining example, because none of us ever dreamed.
00:24:30Now we shall hear from the chairman of the Ways and Means Committee.
00:24:35Hortense.
00:24:37Hortense.
00:24:38Hortense.
00:24:42Carry me back to Avaginny.
00:24:47There's where the cotton and the corn and potatoes grow.
00:24:52Grow.
00:24:55Either grape juice is getting stronger or women are getting weaker.
00:24:59What's the matter with her?
00:25:01Her mother was the same way.
00:25:03She always wanted to sing.
00:25:07Listen, honey, that salesman won't wait much longer, either.
00:25:10Well, there must be some way to get that money, Jeff.
00:25:12Well, I wish I knew how.
00:25:15If I don't raise her pretty quick, they'll sell the truck to somebody else.
00:25:20Gosh.
00:25:22If I had any courage, I'd tell Mary Lou to go ahead and marry that boy.
00:25:26In spite of her mother.
00:25:28The girl's got a right to marry the boy she loves.
00:25:31Even if he does want to be an undertaker.
00:25:33Maybe your mother's right.
00:25:34I couldn't even support you.
00:25:36Oh, now that's a fine way to talk.
00:25:38As soon as you make a payment on the truck, then mother will see things differently.
00:25:41Yeah.
00:25:42If and when.
00:25:43And right now, it looks like never.
00:25:45Well, we mustn't give up, Jeff.
00:25:57Come over here, you two.
00:25:59Well, hello, Daddy.
00:26:00What's happened?
00:26:01Nothing yet.
00:26:01But something's going to.
00:26:03A claghorn always means what he says.
00:26:06And means what he says.
00:26:07Oh, and vice versa.
00:26:09That is.
00:26:10I'm going to give you $1,500 to make a down payment on that truck.
00:26:14$1,500?
00:26:15Oh, Daddy.
00:26:16Mr. Claghorn.
00:26:17Your dowry, my dear.
00:26:18A fine southern custom.
00:26:20Which your mother completely disregarded.
00:26:22Oh, but Daddy.
00:26:23$1,500.
00:26:24That's just wonderful.
00:26:25But.
00:26:26Oh, no.
00:26:27No, I'm not going to let you do it.
00:26:29Now, that's the money from your mint fair, isn't it?
00:26:31Makes no difference, my dear.
00:26:33But Jeff, my boy, I can't say that I approve the things you're going to carry around in your truck.
00:26:37Well, what's the matter with them?
00:26:38Everything is preserved as good as new.
00:26:39Good as new?
00:26:40The refrigeration keeps them frozen solid.
00:26:43Stiff as a board.
00:26:44Well, they could stay in that truck for years.
00:26:46Still, why would anybody want them that way?
00:26:48Oh, but Daddy, they thaw out in an hour.
00:26:50They thaw out?
00:26:51Then you can put them in your own icebox.
00:26:53Put them in my icebox?
00:26:55Sure, in the icebox.
00:26:56Oh, no.
00:26:57Say, is there something wrong with you, Mr. Claghorn?
00:26:59Jeff, my boy, whatever made you decide to become an undertaker?
00:27:05Undertaker?
00:27:05Oh, brother.
00:27:06No.
00:27:07Look, Mr. Claghorn, this is a frozen food truck.
00:27:10Food?
00:27:11Well, my boy, you put ten years back on my life.
00:27:16Of course, you could have said you were a southern planter.
00:27:22That's a joke, son.
00:27:24Be alert.
00:27:24Pay attention.
00:27:25Don't let them get by here.
00:27:27Congratulations.
00:27:28Thank you, sir.
00:27:29I know you'll be successful.
00:27:30Long history, our organization is going to nominate a soon candidate for the Senate.
00:27:35Our political committee has given the matter of candidates for a course.
00:27:40And we have unanimously agreed that the right woman to carry our bearing in the coming campaign
00:27:46will be Magnolia Claghorn.
00:27:50Our next candidate.
00:27:54I don't know what to say.
00:27:56This is no time for words, Magnolia.
00:27:59This is the time for action.
00:28:01And now, about campaign funds.
00:28:06I declare, listen to those girls.
00:28:09The meeting must be breaking up.
00:28:10You children better run along now.
00:28:11You're not kidding.
00:28:13Oh, Daddy, the check.
00:28:14Oh, yes.
00:28:15Give me the check.
00:28:16Oh, the check.
00:28:17Yes.
00:28:17Well, here it is.
00:28:18Well, wait a minute, sir.
00:28:19You've got to endorse it.
00:28:20Oh, I heartily endorse this check.
00:28:23Amen.
00:28:24Oh, no, Dad.
00:28:24Sign it on the back, please.
00:28:26Here.
00:28:29You girls have done nobly, but we're still short of money for our campaign funds.
00:28:42I will personally contribute $1,500.
00:28:47And I'll write the check for it right now.
00:28:50Oh, no, Dad.
00:28:53Oh, no, Dad.
00:28:54Oh.
00:28:56Oh, I'm glad down south we got good cotton.
00:29:00Caught up north, the cotton is rotten.
00:29:02Look away, look away.
00:29:08All right.
00:29:09I can take a hint.
00:29:11Blood hound.
00:29:14The girls have all gone.
00:29:18What are you so happy about?
00:29:20Oh, I'm sorry, my dear.
00:29:21I didn't mean to be happy.
00:29:23Beauregard, I've got something to tell you.
00:29:24From now on, I'm going to wear the pants in this family.
00:29:28Oh, naturally, dear.
00:29:29I thought you were going to tell me something new.
00:29:31I am.
00:29:33The daughters of Dixie have decided to run me for state senator.
00:29:37Well, that's a very good thing to...
00:29:39State senator?
00:29:40The honorable Magnolia Claghorn.
00:29:43Well, Magnolia, that's quite a surprise.
00:29:46That's quite a surprise.
00:29:47Yes, sir.
00:29:49That's quite a...
00:29:49Oh, I said that, didn't I?
00:29:51Yes.
00:29:52I've donated that $1,500 to the campaign fund.
00:29:55You what?
00:29:57Stop acting like a moron.
00:29:59I gave them the money that we made on the mint bed.
00:30:01You did?
00:30:02Certainly.
00:30:02I wrote my personal check for it,
00:30:04so I hope you put that money in the bank already.
00:30:06Oh, yeah, I did.
00:30:07No, I didn't.
00:30:08I gave it to Mary Lou to put in the bank.
00:30:10Oh, good.
00:30:16Sounds like a truck.
00:30:17Truck?
00:30:17Well, we don't expect any deliveries.
00:30:19Oh, no.
00:30:20No, it can't be a truck.
00:30:22Oh, it's the thunder.
00:30:24Thunder?
00:30:24Yeah, a big storm is coming up.
00:30:26The rain is coming down.
00:30:27The rain is coming...
00:30:28Wind is going sideways.
00:30:29Glass all over the place.
00:30:31The poor fellow's bleeding.
00:30:32Boregard!
00:30:33Yes, dear.
00:30:34I'm going out and see what that is.
00:30:36Oh, didn't you...
00:30:37Didn't I forget the...
00:30:38What's the matter with you anyhow?
00:30:39Now, you just finish up what you were doing here.
00:30:41I'm going out and see what that truck wants.
00:30:43Yes, dear.
00:30:44Oh, Senator.
00:30:46I'm dead.
00:30:56It's just beautiful, Jeff.
00:30:58Those new ice compartments are nice, huh?
00:31:00Our whole future's in this.
00:31:02Yeah, as soon as we make all the payments, we're in the bank.
00:31:04Just what is the meaning of this?
00:31:06Oh, hello, Mom.
00:31:07Hi, Mom.
00:31:08Isn't it beautiful?
00:31:09You're looking for the new tycoon of the frozen food business, Mrs. Claghorn.
00:31:13Did you deposit the check in the bank yet?
00:31:15In the bank?
00:31:16Is that what Papa told you?
00:31:18Of course.
00:31:19Well, then that's exactly what I did.
00:31:22Where did Jeff get the money to buy that truck?
00:31:24Well, I...
00:31:25Well, a rich uncle died.
00:31:27Yes, he died.
00:31:28He must have died rather suddenly.
00:31:30Well, yes, it just occurred to me.
00:31:33To him, I mean.
00:31:34He ran out of breath.
00:31:36And I'm running out of patience.
00:31:38Everybody's acting mighty strange around here.
00:31:40And that check had better be in the bank.
00:31:42The daughters of Dixie are nominating me for state senator.
00:31:46State senator?
00:31:47Boy, Mama, that's wonderful.
00:31:49Congratulations, Mom.
00:31:51Nobody asked you.
00:31:53And Mary Lou, I've drawn a check for the bull $1,500 to donate to my campaign fund.
00:31:59You have?
00:31:59I certainly have.
00:32:01I have to run along now, honey.
00:32:03And you, get that monstrosity off of these premises.
00:32:09Oh, go, go!
00:32:13Oh, go, go!
00:32:15Gee, honey, this is bad.
00:32:17We've got to get that money back somehow.
00:32:19They'll never return it.
00:32:20The contract's already signed.
00:32:23Oh, we've got to think of something.
00:32:25Yeah, I suppose so.
00:32:27Well, I'll see what I can do and get in touch with you later.
00:32:32Good-bye, beautiful.
00:32:33Good-bye.
00:32:38You can't find it when you do want it.
00:32:40If you don't want it, you can't get rid of it.
00:32:41Jump in a minute.
00:32:51Magnolia Claghorn to run for Senate.
00:32:55A fine mess of horseradish you've got us into.
00:32:58Mrs. Claghorn.
00:32:59Who's Mrs. Claghorn?
00:33:02The only thing that could beat us right now is just this.
00:33:04A woman!
00:33:05But, boss, nobody knows Mrs. Claghorn.
00:33:07You're in the South now, baby.
00:33:08And down here, a woman is more than a woman.
00:33:10She's an institution.
00:33:11A superstition.
00:33:13You babies want to hang on to what you've had for the last 12 years,
00:33:16you better start thinking and start thinking fast.
00:33:19What is it?
00:33:20There's a Mr. Jeff Davis to see you, sir.
00:33:22Davis?
00:33:22I don't know any Davis.
00:33:23What does he want?
00:33:24He says it's personal.
00:33:25Okay, send him in.
00:33:28What do you want, Senator?
00:33:30Can I go to lunch now?
00:33:32I'm hungry.
00:33:33Stay put!
00:33:39Now, what's on your mind, young man?
00:33:40I'd like to talk to Senator Leeds.
00:33:42I handle all his business for him.
00:33:43My name is Healy, Big Dan Healy.
00:33:45Oh, I've heard of you, Mr. Healy.
00:33:46Will you have a cigar?
00:33:47Thank you, sir.
00:33:48Now, what's your business with the Senator?
00:33:49Well, I've always had a great admiration for Senator Leeds, and I...
00:33:53Oh, thank you.
00:33:54Thank you very much.
00:33:55Shake hands with Mr., um...
00:33:57What's your name?
00:33:57Jefferson Davis.
00:33:58Yeah, Mr. Davis.
00:33:59Shake hands with Mr. Davis, Senator.
00:34:00I can't.
00:34:01What do you mean you can't?
00:34:02Well, my hand's caught in a desk drawer.
00:34:04Oh.
00:34:05Don't shake hands.
00:34:07Not with me, with him.
00:34:08Oh.
00:34:09I hope you get re-elected, Senator.
00:34:10I don't mind.
00:34:12Well, young fellow, now let's have it.
00:34:13What do you want to see me about?
00:34:15Well, I have a way to defeat Mrs. Claggfond.
00:34:18You have?
00:34:19Yes.
00:34:20Huh.
00:34:21Well, now, here's the way it has to be worked.
00:34:36Daisy, you see me at my lower step.
00:34:39If I don't replace that money, the Clagghorn name will be discreet.
00:34:43You're lucky to be a dog.
00:34:45Your troubles are canine.
00:34:47Mine are asinine.
00:34:50If you weren't a dog, I'd get a laugh on that.
00:34:54Well, don't sit there with your tongue hanging out.
00:34:57Pray for me.
00:35:05Mr. Clagghorn.
00:35:07Mr. Clagghorn.
00:35:08Yeah.
00:35:09Yeah.
00:35:15Hey, I got good news.
00:35:17What is it?
00:35:17$3,000 worth of it.
00:35:19Nobody saw you take it, did they?
00:35:21Mr. Clagghorn, would you care very much if Mrs. Clagghorn were defeated in the election?
00:35:25Care?
00:35:27Sean, if Magnolia was elected, my life wouldn't be worth living.
00:35:30Good.
00:35:30Then we can keep the $3,000.
00:35:32Yeah, but I don't understand.
00:35:34Well, we had to get the money to give to your wife.
00:35:37So I went to Mr. Healy.
00:35:38Healy?
00:35:39Why, that loadout...
00:35:40Oh, now, wait a minute.
00:35:40He's the one that gave me the money.
00:35:42Yeah.
00:35:42Well, take it back.
00:35:44It was probably printed in the Philadelphia Mint.
00:35:46Well, I didn't...
00:35:46Well, they call it mint anyhow.
00:35:47Mint belongs with juleps.
00:35:49And juleps belong in the South.
00:35:51I know, I know.
00:35:52Well, I told Healy that he could stop Mrs. Clagghorn's being elected by starting a third party and splitting the
00:35:58vote.
00:35:58Yeah, they do it all the time.
00:36:00So he gave me $3,000 for the campaign fund.
00:36:02Hmm.
00:36:03Who are they going to run against, Magnolia?
00:36:05You.
00:36:05Well, it's a good thing...
00:36:06Me!
00:36:07Now, take it easy, Mr. Clagghorn.
00:36:09You've got to stand on your rights sometime.
00:36:11Yeah, I know.
00:36:12But how am I going to stand on my rights while Magnolia is standing on my face?
00:36:23Well, you really think I'd make a good senator?
00:36:28Well, you'd make a loud one.
00:36:30And that's mighty important.
00:36:34Why, look, Beauregard.
00:36:36Even Daisy knows there are two sides to you.
00:36:40The humble and great.
00:36:43Why, if you just showed little gumption, you could be a great man.
00:36:47You could be a leader of men.
00:36:50By George, you're right.
00:36:52And the first thing I do, I'll assert myself to Magnolia.
00:36:55I'll...
00:36:56Oh, Regard!
00:37:00She heard me.
00:37:05You'd better beat it.
00:37:07Magnolia will never stand for two of us in the same house.
00:37:10Yes, dear.
00:37:16Yes, dear?
00:37:17Someone's knocking at the door.
00:37:18Answer it.
00:37:29Hello?
00:37:30Hello?
00:37:31What?
00:37:38We want to talk to you, Clanghorn.
00:37:41We might have to give you a little warning.
00:37:43Warning?
00:37:44Are you gentlemen trying to threaten me?
00:37:45Yeah, we're threatening you.
00:37:47What about it?
00:37:48Nothing.
00:37:49I just want to make sure.
00:37:50Be positive.
00:37:51Meet a lot of nice people that way.
00:37:52We just want to tell you, don't try to double-cross us in this election.
00:37:56Yeah.
00:37:57One funny trick out of you and there'll be two candidates running.
00:38:00Leeds and your wife.
00:38:01What are you going to do to me?
00:38:03Eradicate.
00:38:04Eliminate.
00:38:05Exterminate you.
00:38:05Knock you off.
00:38:07Take your choice.
00:38:08They all mean the same.
00:38:09Well, gentlemen, that's murder.
00:38:11Yeah, ain't it?
00:38:13What if the people should elect me?
00:38:15In that case, you get the biggest funeral in history.
00:38:20Yeah.
00:38:22Yeah.
00:38:26The best thing we can do for you, Father, is to see that he gets elected.
00:38:30You really think he has a chance?
00:38:32Why, he has more than a chance.
00:38:33And from now on, I'm going to do everything I can to help him.
00:38:42Support drawing for Beauregard Claghorn.
00:38:45Most healing machines threatened by rising popularity of Claghorn.
00:38:50It's a fine mess.
00:38:52If we don't have trouble with one Claghorn, we're having trouble with the other.
00:38:55I'm sick of tire.
00:38:56Here he is.
00:39:00What is the meaning of this?
00:39:02This abduction.
00:39:03I protest.
00:39:04I'm a stubborn gentleman and I like...
00:39:06I think you gentlemen are just streets of the South, if you don't mind my saying so.
00:39:10We mind.
00:39:11Yeah, that's what I thought.
00:39:12Now, if...
00:39:13Shut up!
00:39:13Well, I only...
00:39:14Shut up!
00:39:15What other languages do you speak?
00:39:17Get off your high horse, Claghorn.
00:39:19You're here for a reason.
00:39:21Now, let me tell you something, Bud.
00:39:23We've had more than a dozen parades in this territory for Lee's.
00:39:26We've had more speeches for Lee's than we ever had before.
00:39:28And still, the people are not interested in him.
00:39:30I haven't done anything to make the people vote for me.
00:39:32Justice, Liam, if you're elected, you'd better start making a down payment on a cemetery slot.
00:39:37Us guys make a living stopping guys like you from living.
00:39:40What do you want me to do?
00:39:41Well, you've got 3,000 bucks not to be elected.
00:39:43It's up to you to find some way to earn that dough.
00:39:46In the South, we've settled disputes with this kind like gentlemen by negotiating.
00:39:50All right.
00:39:51Let's negotiate.
00:39:53With you?
00:39:54Why, that's impossible.
00:39:55I don't even know your kinfolk.
00:39:57By what?
00:39:57And besides, I think there's a trace of Northern blood in you.
00:40:01I don't like your method, Mr. Dan Healy.
00:40:03Why, you pony, hot-aired Southwind.
00:40:07Sure, I'm from the North.
00:40:08But I'm running things down here in the South.
00:40:11And the sooner you Southern sats find out...
00:40:12Oh, that's it, huh?
00:40:14You're from the North.
00:40:15Well, that's the last straw.
00:40:18Taking orders from a Northerner, I will not tolerate.
00:40:21Gentlemen, I'm ashamed of you.
00:40:22And I'm ashamed of myself for even talking to you.
00:40:25Through no fault of my own, I became involved with you.
00:40:28But as of this minute, I am through.
00:40:31Finished.
00:40:32I will no longer be a part of your crooked politics.
00:40:35From now on, I'm going to try to be elected.
00:40:38Why, you're a chief generalist.
00:40:39Shut up!
00:40:41Why, you don't think you can get away with us, do you, Clackhorn?
00:40:44I have only one answer to that, Mr. Healy.
00:40:46May I borrow your gloves?
00:40:48I have no gloves.
00:40:49Well, then, this will have to do.
00:40:52Let that be a lesson to you.
00:40:58I want to thank you for making a man of me.
00:41:02Good day, gentlemen.
00:41:03Good morning.
00:41:04Good morning.
00:41:06Good morning.
00:41:08Good morning.
00:41:21Good morning.
00:41:24Good morning.
00:41:27Good morning.
00:41:28Good morning.
00:41:28Good morning.
00:41:29Good morning.
00:41:30Good morning.
00:41:31Good morning.
00:41:32Good morning.
00:41:33Good morning.
00:41:34Good morning.
00:41:35Good morning.
00:41:35Good morning.
00:41:35Good morning.
00:41:36Good morning.
00:41:37Boy, it's the biggest problem we've ever had.
00:41:38You'll pick up plenty of folks tonight.
00:41:40Yeah?
00:41:41He's been a big help in the campaign.
00:41:43I like these, son.
00:41:44Son, that is.
00:41:45Oh, now, wait a minute, Daddy.
00:41:47I found him first.
00:41:48Well, I have two thirds of the family on my side, at least.
00:41:50But get ready.
00:41:51Harvey's going to announce.
00:41:52Oh, how do I look?
00:41:54Beautiful, Daddy.
00:41:57Ladies and gentlemen,
00:41:59the speaker of the evening and candidate for senator,
00:42:04Oregard Claiborne.
00:42:14Claiborne's the name, Oregard Claiborne, that ear.
00:42:17Now, Mr. Harvey here has been helping me in my campaign.
00:42:21He's going to assist me tonight
00:42:23in telling you why a vote for Claiborne
00:42:26is a step in the right direction.
00:42:30Even if you're not going that way.
00:42:37Now, before we get to the main subject,
00:42:39there's a few things I'd like to say first.
00:42:42Speak to the speech, General Oregard.
00:42:44Now, I'm sorry, son.
00:42:45I got some things on my chest.
00:42:47Things I can't get off my chest
00:42:48with the carbonator shoulder.
00:42:49Oh, my God.
00:42:51Go ahead and laugh.
00:42:52Laugh is good for the show.
00:42:54I want you to laugh.
00:42:55You know, everybody would be much better off
00:42:57if more heels had souls.
00:42:59Heels had souls!
00:43:00I know it.
00:43:01If you're listening, you should be laughing.
00:43:06And if there's any Yankees in the audience,
00:43:08I'll wrestle them two falls out of three.
00:43:14Please, we kept speech for...
00:43:16Oh, yeah.
00:43:17Now, about this election business,
00:43:18I'm warning you that if I'm elected,
00:43:21I won't allow any streetcars down here to go north.
00:43:25People that live up that way won't be able to get home.
00:43:27Holy God.
00:43:28Of course, they can always come to my place.
00:43:30Blackhorn Manor
00:43:31and live in style and comfort.
00:43:34Southern comfort, that is.
00:43:35The audience wants to...
00:43:36And they'll eat Southern fish, too.
00:43:38Yeah.
00:43:39Heels.
00:43:40That's Lee spelled backwards.
00:43:46That's a joke, son.
00:43:48Here I am, hitting the jackpot.
00:43:49I'm busting scenes tonight.
00:43:51Busting my heart.
00:43:52Now, Holy God.
00:43:52Matt, do you want to say something, son?
00:43:54Yes, I want.
00:43:54We'll go right ahead and say it.
00:43:55It's a free country.
00:43:56It meets the Southern part of it here.
00:43:57Well, all I want to say is...
00:43:58We'll go right ahead and say it.
00:43:59Well, that's what I've been trying to do.
00:44:00Don't ever let it be said that a Claghorn won't let another man talk.
00:44:03Well, that's very nice of you, buddy.
00:44:04Yeah, well, then get to the point.
00:44:05You're wasting time.
00:44:06Minutes, you understand.
00:44:07Yes.
00:44:07And hours.
00:44:08And days.
00:44:08How about years?
00:44:09Years?
00:44:10Don't worry about them.
00:44:11Only walls have years.
00:44:16I wasted another one on you.
00:44:18I keep hitting them.
00:44:19You keep booping them.
00:44:21Are you through?
00:44:22Are you serious?
00:44:24I got some more talking here to do about the election.
00:44:26Yes.
00:44:27Yes.
00:44:27Give it a chance.
00:44:28Just once.
00:44:29Please.
00:44:30Will somebody get this gentleman a glass of water?
00:44:33Mississippi water.
00:44:38Ladies and gentlemen, up to now, Mr. Claghorn has nearly been warming up his vocal cords.
00:44:43He's now ready to address you on the subject of why you should vote for him on election day.
00:44:48Mr. Claghorn.
00:44:52Folks, ladies and gentlemen, I know a lot of people are going to want to vote for me because they're
00:44:58friends of mine.
00:45:00Well, they shouldn't do it on that basis, because I'm a man just like yourself.
00:45:05No better or no worse.
00:45:07But Boss Healy and his mob, they think they're better than you are.
00:45:11Now, maybe that's why they think they can tell you what to do, make you like it, even if you
00:45:16don't like it.
00:45:18You see, Senator Lee belongs to that kind of an organization.
00:45:22The kind that tells us average people what to do and how to do it.
00:45:27Chiefly because they think we haven't got the sense to do things for ourselves.
00:45:30Who said we haven't got sense?
00:45:33But I don't want any politicians telling me how to live.
00:45:38Please, please, folks, don't be angry with me because I'm telling you the truth.
00:45:42We're just as much to blame.
00:45:44We kept them in office.
00:45:46We voted for Senator Leeds and Boss Healy's political machine, didn't we?
00:45:51In fact, the way things went before, it would have been better if we'd have saved the tax money for
00:45:55elections and had no elections at all.
00:45:58Well, our votes were a joke.
00:46:01Votes are something I don't like to joke about.
00:46:03And if I know the South, I know that you all agree with me.
00:46:08I don't want any more of Leeds than those other clubs.
00:46:14Go in on that.
00:46:15I'm voting for Beauregard-Quigone.
00:46:29Oh, and don't forget my slogan.
00:46:31If there's selection, get out of your detection and make flag on your selection.
00:46:38If I didn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it.
00:46:53Hey, put me down.
00:46:55You baboons, you horse thieves.
00:46:58We'll put you down.
00:47:11Gentlemen, what's the meaning of this?
00:47:13Shut up.
00:47:14Where are we going?
00:47:15Shut up.
00:47:17Would you mind very much advice?
00:47:18Shut up.
00:47:19I can't remember when I've had a more interesting conversation.
00:47:23Yeah, I know.
00:47:24Shut up.
00:47:32Come on.
00:47:34Say, whose house is this, anyhow?
00:47:38If you're trying to interest me in real estate...
00:47:40Shut up.
00:47:40Hold your kisser and get in there.
00:47:59Hey, where do you think you're going?
00:48:01Why, you gentlemen were ignoring me.
00:48:03I thought I'd go out and get a little air.
00:48:05Yeah, we'll give you some air.
00:48:06Yeah.
00:48:07I hope you won't think you're too aggressive of me, gentlemen, to ask what you intend to
00:48:10do with me.
00:48:11You'll find out, bud.
00:48:12Sit down and stop interrupting.
00:48:13Yeah.
00:48:15I get a little tired with nothing to do.
00:48:17I thought I might join you boys.
00:48:19Shut up.
00:48:20Yeah.
00:48:21Might play a game of bridge.
00:48:23Bridge.
00:48:23It takes four hands to play bridge.
00:48:25South, west, east.
00:48:26Yeah, I know, and the dummy hands.
00:48:28N-O-R-T-H, dummy.
00:48:31Well, you've got to sit down.
00:48:33Yes, sir.
00:48:35I say, yes, sir.
00:48:40The sudden disappearance of Mr. Clagone has blown the entire election campaign sky high.
00:48:47For the police admit their failure to unearth one single clue as to the whereabouts of the
00:48:54missing senatorial candidate Beauregard Clagone.
00:48:58The odd thing is that Clagone's dog, Daisy, has disappeared also.
00:49:15Rumors are beginning to circulate that Clagone, afraid of something, vanished of his own accord.
00:49:22Actually, not the chance.
00:49:24So that's it.
00:49:26What's it?
00:49:26He's running away again.
00:49:27He's hiding.
00:49:28Oh, Mama, you don't believe that.
00:49:30Well, what else can I believe?
00:49:31Certainly nobody kidnapped your father for ransom.
00:49:33We haven't any money.
00:49:34Well, maybe it's some sort of an attack to keep him out of the election.
00:49:37But how could that influence the voting?
00:49:39There won't be any voting.
00:49:40Not for Mr. Clagone, at any rate.
00:49:43If he doesn't return by 9 o'clock the night before election, his name will be withdrawn from
00:49:47the ballot.
00:49:47Then that's exactly what he wants.
00:49:50Jeff Davis, where there's smoke, there's fire.
00:49:52And if there are any rumors, then something must have happened to start them.
00:49:55I still think he's running away.
00:49:56Oh, Mama, can't you ever give Papa the benefit of the doubt?
00:49:59Why, Mary Lou.
00:50:01Honey, you're upset.
00:50:02Yes, I'm upset.
00:50:03Rumors.
00:50:04Huh.
00:50:05They were probably started by that gossipy old bunch of heads they call the daughters
00:50:08a dick thing.
00:50:09Now, see here, Mary Lou.
00:50:10But look, Mama, you don't seem to care what's happened to Papa.
00:50:12All you care is why he disappeared.
00:50:14Afraid that if there is a scandal of some sort, it'll ruin your chances for election.
00:50:17Honey, please.
00:50:18Well, I'm proud of my daddy.
00:50:20And I don't think he did run away.
00:50:21Instead of sitting here wasting time, I'm going out to look for him.
00:50:25You coming, Jeff?
00:50:26You bet, baby.
00:50:27Well.
00:50:40So, you're here, too, huh?
00:50:42Well, you might as well kill me and get it over with.
00:50:44Don't make so much noise.
00:50:45But when I die, I don't want to go west.
00:50:47I want to stay in the south.
00:50:48Flag home.
00:50:48I don't want to cross the River Jordan or the River Styx.
00:50:51The Mississippi is good enough for me.
00:50:52Oh, you could have.
00:50:53Then when I get to heaven, I'm going to see about changing the name of the North Star.
00:50:57Oh, let's make him close this kisser.
00:50:59He's been driving us bets with his chatter about the south.
00:51:01When you talk about the south, son, tip your hat.
00:51:04Shut up.
00:51:04Shut up.
00:51:05That's enough.
00:51:06Why can't I go home?
00:51:08You can go home right now if you want to.
00:51:09Can I?
00:51:09All you have to do is withdraw from the election.
00:51:12Withdraw?
00:51:13Never.
00:51:13I say never.
00:51:14All right.
00:51:14Suit yourself.
00:51:15We'll keep you locked up here till 9 o'clock tonight.
00:51:17That'll be two hours from now.
00:51:19By that time, your name will be off the ballot anyway.
00:51:21So, that's it.
00:51:22Gentlemen, this crime will not go unpunished.
00:51:24I tell you.
00:51:26Oh, why don't I just knock this character off?
00:51:28Now.
00:51:28Don't be impatient, Ace.
00:51:29Everything in due time.
00:51:31Now, you think it over, sucker.
00:51:32I've got plenty of time.
00:51:33I'll get in touch with you boys later.
00:51:37Yankee.
00:51:44Guys, if we don't find your father before that 9 o'clock meeting tonight,
00:51:48you'll be a dead duck as far as the election is concerned.
00:51:50Oh, but, Jeff, we've got to find him.
00:51:52I don't care about the election.
00:51:54I just want to know that he's all right.
00:51:56I wish the police could do something.
00:51:59What is it, Cliff?
00:52:00Want us to go to work now, Mr. Davis?
00:52:01No, not yet.
00:52:02I'll let you know.
00:52:07These cans are better cooked than my wife.
00:52:11Gentlemen, I've been poisoned.
00:52:13Now, what's the matter?
00:52:14These are Boston baked beans.
00:52:17I should have been a plain pickpocket like me mother wanted.
00:52:21What a date.
00:52:22Well, we'll have to listen to you much longer, Clayton.
00:52:25Yeah, but these...
00:52:26Ladies and gentlemen,
00:52:27we interrupt this program of dance music
00:52:29to bring you an important announcement.
00:52:31One of the candidates in the most unusual election campaigns in the history of this state
00:52:37is here with us in the studio.
00:52:40Mrs. Magnolia Claghorn.
00:52:44Magnolia!
00:52:45Ladies and gentlemen, I know my announcement will reach everyone's ears,
00:52:50but it is really intended for my husband, Beauregard Claghorn,
00:52:54if he should be listening in.
00:52:56I am, Magnolia, I am.
00:52:58I hope you are, Beauregard.
00:53:01What's the matter, Magnolia?
00:53:02I want to tell you that I have withdrawn from the election,
00:53:06leaving the field clear for you to defeat Senator Leeds.
00:53:09You can't do that.
00:53:10No.
00:53:11Nothing can stop me.
00:53:12My mind is made up.
00:53:14Why are you doing it, Magnolia?
00:53:16Why, that is.
00:53:17I love you, Beauregard.
00:53:19And I realize how badly I've treated you all these years,
00:53:22and now I want you to be Senator.
00:53:25Well, that's wonderful, Magnolia.
00:53:27Hey, cut it out.
00:53:28We're not supposed to let you talk to anyone now.
00:53:29Yeah, but I can't get out of here.
00:53:31They're holding me.
00:53:32No matter where you are,
00:53:34you've got to reach Town Hall by 9 o'clock tonight.
00:53:37Just let him try it.
00:53:39Show how brave you are, Beauregard.
00:53:41Overcome the vile villains who are holding you.
00:53:44Defy them.
00:53:45Magnolia is very naive.
00:53:47Come back to me, Beauregard.
00:53:49I'll do my best, Magnolia.
00:53:51I know you'll do your best.
00:53:54This can't be.
00:53:55It ain't natural.
00:53:55I'm going nuts crazy.
00:53:57Those men who kidnapped you must be out of their minds.
00:54:00Shut up.
00:54:01Shut up!
00:54:02Cut that radio off.
00:54:03Shut it off.
00:54:04Remember, 9 o'clock tonight.
00:54:06Guess that'll hold you.
00:54:08You shouldn't have done that.
00:54:10Magnolia won't like it.
00:54:11What kind of stunt are you trying to pull, Claggart?
00:54:14I ought to knock you off now.
00:54:16Now, now, don't be hasty, gentlemen.
00:54:20Sometimes miracles can happen.
00:54:23And, uh...
00:54:24Don't move, either of you.
00:54:26Or I'll run you through.
00:54:28And if you try anything,
00:54:30this trusty Confederate blade
00:54:32will make you look like an olive in a martini
00:54:34with a toothpick in it.
00:54:36Well, you're going to be a wise guy.
00:54:37Stay where you are.
00:54:38Don't come another step.
00:54:40I'm warning you.
00:54:46Now I know why the South lost the wall.
00:54:49Now, just a minute, fellas.
00:54:51We warned you, Buck.
00:54:52Yeah, if you'd just give me time
00:54:53to repent my hasty temper.
00:54:55If you'd...
00:54:55Ah, shut up.
00:54:56Hold it, Knifey.
00:54:57Don't carve him yet.
00:54:58Carve me?
00:54:59Would either of you gentlemen
00:55:00care for a drumstick?
00:55:01What am I saying?
00:55:02I'll lock him up.
00:55:03We better do like the boss wants.
00:55:05Wait till he tells you.
00:55:06Yeah, that's better.
00:55:07Let's tie him up.
00:55:10My pants!
00:55:12This is...
00:55:13I say, this is embarrassing.
00:55:15Magnolia wanted me to wear
00:55:16the pants in the family now.
00:55:18Shut up!
00:55:24It is now exactly
00:55:2625 minutes to 9.
00:55:29And still Beauregard Claghorn
00:55:32hasn't appeared.
00:55:34Nice of you fellas to carry me.
00:55:36My feet hurt.
00:55:38And probably you all know
00:55:40the magnanimous gesture
00:55:41made by Mrs. Claghorn
00:55:43in withdrawing from the campaign
00:55:46so that her husband,
00:55:48who has achieved
00:55:48a man's popularity with voters,
00:55:51may have a clean-cut race
00:55:52with Senator Leeds
00:55:53in tomorrow's election.
00:55:57After this,
00:55:58a coffin will seem like a relief.
00:56:00We're working on that, too.
00:56:06We're working on that, too.
00:56:11Hey!
00:56:12What do you want?
00:56:13The least you could do
00:56:14is leave me a fly swatter.
00:56:16There's a fly on my nose.
00:56:18Well, it ain't there now.
00:56:20You've got this pan in hand.
00:56:27Say, it's dark in here.
00:56:34We haven't been through here yet.
00:56:36Okay, boys, go to work.
00:56:38Okay.
00:56:43It won't be long now.
00:56:44So since the boss
00:56:45wants Claghorn
00:56:46knocked off.
00:56:46Oh, sure.
00:56:47He ain't gonna let him
00:56:48squeal to the cops.
00:56:50He's anywhere with an earshot.
00:56:52That's you,
00:56:52and you'll bet you.
00:56:53And it always has.
00:57:13The National Anthem!
00:57:29And so,
00:57:30we make another plea
00:57:31to Mr. Claghorn.
00:57:33Oh, no.
00:57:34He'll return
00:57:34before 9 o'clock tonight
00:57:36so that his name
00:57:38may be kept on the ballot.
00:57:40Hurry, Mr. Claghorn.
00:57:41Hurry.
00:57:41The time is short.
00:57:43The chances
00:57:43for your election
00:57:45are slippin'.
00:57:45Show them my pants.
00:58:10Hey!
00:58:13Hey!
00:58:25Stop that truck!
00:58:29Hey!
00:58:45Yes, look. Look, it's Daisy.
00:58:53Hurry, Daddy. Hurry.
00:58:55Daddy, are you all right?
00:58:57Yeah, sure. I think.
00:58:59Come on, Mr. Clackhorn. We've got till 9 o'clock to get to town hall.
00:59:02Can we make it?
00:59:03Oh, nothing like trying.
00:59:04All right. Daisy.
00:59:05Come on.
00:59:07Oh, Daddy.
00:59:09It will be regrettable indeed if Mr. Clackhorn doesn't appear here within the next four minutes.
00:59:23It is now two minutes to nine.
00:59:27Time is near.
00:59:29I see the members of the Board of Elections talking among themselves.
00:59:33It's almost time for them to make the announcement of the withdrawal of Beauregard Clackhorn's name from tomorrow's ballot.
00:59:44Only 90 seconds left now.
00:59:4690 seconds.
00:59:5260 seconds left.
00:59:54One minute.
01:00:0250 seconds.
01:00:0730 seconds.
01:00:1750 seconds.
01:00:2050 seconds.
01:00:2050 seconds.
01:00:2150 seconds.
01:00:21Well, folks, I guess it's too late.
01:00:23The officials are coming up to the microphones now.
01:00:25It's, uh...
01:00:26It's, I say, it's Beauregard Clanghoff.
01:00:32Oh, my dog.
01:00:46Yes, that was mighty smart of you, Beauregard.
01:00:50Huh?
01:00:50Disappearing the way you did so your wife would withdraw from the election.
01:00:54Oh, no.
01:00:55What?
01:00:55No, no, no.
01:00:57No, wait.
01:00:58No, no, no.
01:01:00Beauregard!
01:01:01Just a minute, folks.
01:01:03Just a minute.
01:01:03Something's happened.
01:01:04Clanghoff's running away again.
01:01:08Here we are in Southern Belle the day after the election,
01:01:11where a huge victory parade for Beauregard Clanghoff
01:01:14is lining up at the boulevard directly in front of me,
01:01:16even though Mr. Clanghoff himself is not present.
01:01:19For even as you are listening to me,
01:01:21the police are again conducting an intense search for the new senator,
01:01:25who disappears at the strangest time.
01:01:29Children, children, where can he possibly be?
01:01:33Well, at least we know they haven't got him.
01:01:35Well, I see the band is lining up,
01:01:37and the parade is about to begin.
01:01:39And in the absence of her husband,
01:01:40Mrs. Clanghoff is riding in the official car.
01:02:05Either rain, nor sleet, nor snow can stop Clanghoff.
01:02:09And here I am, folks.
01:02:20Why, that's a beautiful melody.
01:02:23Melody?
01:02:24That's the natural answer.
01:02:28It is a beautiful melody.
01:02:47And here we go.
01:02:52¶¶
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