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00:02Hehe
00:04Thank you for letting us be ourselves
00:06So don't mind if I repeat myself
00:08These simple rhymes be good for your health
00:10They keep them crime rhymes on the shelf
00:13Live my life like you just don't care
00:15Life that I believe is never scared
00:18Rain the noise is the moment they fear
00:20Get up, you still appear from right there
00:22Get up and throw your hands in the air
00:24Get up, and show them the rain
00:38Turn on the telly, check out the news,
00:40and thank the Lord you're not doing dry January.
00:42It's Friday, we're live, and it's time for the last leg.
00:47Tonight on the show, the Prime Minister cosies up the China,
00:51Donald Trump messes up America,
00:53and we follow up on an Ashes bet.
00:57Plus, we'll be joined by comedians Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis
01:00on the show that wraps up the news of the week.
01:18Wow.
01:19Hi, everyone.
01:21G'day, Madam Hills.
01:22Welcome to Last Leg, the show that heard there's an Oscar-nominated film
01:25called If I Had Legs, I Would Kick You
01:27and rapidly retitled its autobiography.
01:30With me, as always, are the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Whittacombe,
01:33and the man who's excited because it's only 329 sleeps until Christmas,
01:37Alex Brooker.
01:46Loads of news to get through, loads has happened since we were last on air,
01:49but before we do that, we thought we'd bring you up to speed
01:51on what we did during our break.
01:53Yep.
01:54Alex's adventures can only be described as on-brand.
01:58Yeah, well, I went to Vegas to go and watch the Backstreet Boys at the Sphere.
02:05It's like someone...
02:07But look at...
02:08Look at my...
02:09Like, my best...
02:11And you got there and then you stepped on a plug.
02:14My best moment of 2026 came on January 2nd.
02:18I lost...
02:19I genuinely, absolutely lost my mind.
02:23So much...
02:23I didn't know that, like...
02:25Obviously, I was getting far, far too carried away.
02:28Well, I thought it would be funny to film me
02:30when, um, I Want It That Way came on.
02:34Just have a look at this.
02:40Oh-ha!
02:46Alex, you're acting like you're going,
02:48I can't believe they're playing their most famous song!
02:51No way!
02:53You're playing the one song everyone's heard of!
02:56I was so excited!
02:57But honestly, next pip assessment I have,
03:00the way they're going to see how quick I get out of a chair,
03:01they're going to play...
03:04Your next pip assessment's basically going to be this.
03:07I Want It That Way
03:11But I, um...
03:13I did, generally, I was, like, losing my mind
03:15for a couple of hours.
03:16And when we got back, I was kind of like,
03:18I was really, like, missed it,
03:19and I was kind of watching back through the videos.
03:21You missed it!
03:21I was watching back through the videos.
03:23It was generally one of the best nights of my life.
03:25Watching back through the videos...
03:26I should say hello to my children again.
03:30And I looked at, um, a video from right then,
03:33they do Backstreet's Back.
03:35Yeah.
03:35And I didn't know that this was the noise I was making
03:37as the show closed, until I saw this video.
03:56All I can say is, it's a good job I was wearing all white.
04:01Fucking hell!
04:04You sad old bastard.
04:07I texted him on the day, I had these...
04:09They gave us, like, bucket hats.
04:11These Backstreet Boys bucket hats.
04:12And I texted him on the day that we were there,
04:15a photo of me in the pub wearing a bucket hat,
04:17holding the pint.
04:18And I said,
04:18this is my oasis.
04:20This is my oasis.
04:48John McEnroe.
04:49See, you did recognise that noise I made.
04:53Is your wife now you've been drilled by John McEnroe?
04:55You cannot be serious.
04:58LAUGHTER
04:58That ball was in!
05:00LAUGHTER
05:03Sorry.
05:04Sorry.
05:06Sorry.
05:08Bit of fun.
05:10He's one of our great tennis players.
05:12No, no, sorry.
05:13What I meant was, I was at the net and he hit a ball at me really fast.
05:16But I also played in something called the One Point Slam at the Australian Open.
05:20So it was a tournament where, like, amateurs and pros play in this tournament.
05:23You only play one point.
05:25If you win that point, you go through to the next round.
05:27The winner of the whole thing took home a million dollars.
05:30Oof.
05:30I was drawn against a guy ranked 208 in the world.
05:34Oh.
05:34This guy was good.
05:36We did rock, paper, scissors.
05:38He won and he went,
05:39I'm not going to serve because you only get one serve.
05:41So I served.
05:42This is what happened.
05:45It does pretty cool.
05:47You know what I'm happy about?
05:48That I made a set of.
05:49Adam Hills to serve.
05:51Yeah.
05:52Play.
05:52At least I played a ton.
05:56Football.
05:57Oh!
06:07Thank you, God, for the greatest moment in tennis history.
06:11It's almost like if a photo of you popped up on catchphrase.
06:15I mean, I'm assuming it was the umpire.
06:17It might have been someone yelling a diagnosis.
06:20He didn't have to yell it before you started playing as well.
06:23That was when it was too much.
06:25And look, if Alex and I were on brand,
06:27Josh was absolutely team Whittacombe.
06:30So, yeah, big news.
06:31We have welcomed to our family twins.
06:35Mm-hmm.
06:36Very excited, yes.
06:37Yeah, would you like to see them?
06:38Here they are.
06:41LAUGHTER
06:43That is, uh, that is Fluffball on the top and Tilly on the bottom.
06:48They were named by my son and daughter.
06:50My son is four and I wasn't in favour of Fluffball, but we've gone with it.
06:55And they have broken the internet.
06:57I put them on Instagram and they got 57,000 likes.
07:01Which, to put it in perspective, is 56,000 more than most of my posts.
07:06LAUGHTER
07:07The thing is, it's about time, because you've always regretted that time you didn't put that video up of your
07:11sneezing panda, haven't you?
07:12LAUGHTER
07:14But you, this is what I was like, you appeared on, I don't know, I want to pick a bone
07:17with you.
07:18You, you, um, appeared on David Baddiel's, uh, Channel 4 show.
07:21Catman.
07:22Catman.
07:22Uh, and made this frank admission.
07:26This is an interesting thing with our cats.
07:29She's more interested in our water than her own.
07:34Sue me, I have a pint of water of an evening when I watch TV.
07:37A pint of water, lovely.
07:38Yeah, she will drink from that.
07:40This is something that other people find problematic.
07:43I can't be bothered to then change the water.
07:45So you just carry on drinking from it?
07:48Well, you know what people are mainly thinking, don't you?
07:50Let's just say it.
07:51People are mainly thinking, that cat has licked its arsehole.
07:54It's probably got flecks of poo on its tongue.
07:58Now, the people up here were horrified.
08:01LAUGHTER
08:03Even you with the beard, fuck off!
08:06LAUGHTER
08:06LAUGHTER
08:09In fairness, he's got sharing spaghetti with a cat around all over him.
08:14You, you do use the cat's litter tray, so it evens out, doesn't it?
08:18LAUGHTER
08:18No, I, look, say a cat had a little bit of my water.
08:21Mm.
08:22They're part of our family.
08:25Admittedly, if it shat in my cereal, I wouldn't, wouldn't have it.
08:28That's why, that's why I've gone from Cocoa Pops to Rice Krispies.
08:32LAUGHTER
08:32All right, so we're going to ask, we're going to ask this as a poll, and we're putting this up
08:37on Instagram right now, is that disgusting?
08:39No, no, that's not how you conduct a poll.
08:41That is a leading question.
08:43LAUGHTER
08:44But, is this disgusting? That is not the poll!
08:47Why do I? I hope that...
08:49But the, the, the election doesn't go, is Keir Starmer a twat?
08:52LAUGHTER
08:53I just really hope our admin puts that caption up over the right photo, because if it's not one from
08:58us at the Paralympics...
09:01So, answer that, is it disgusting?
09:03Oh, no.
09:04We can also, you can also send us any questions you want to ask us about the news, message us
09:09on Instagram, the hashtags, is it okay?
09:11WhatsApp, the numbers, 07956175908, or you can scan the QR code on your screen.
09:17Oh, why is that?
09:18Let's get straight into the news, though.
09:19Lou said, is it okay that Keir has gone to China?
09:22How many secrets does he want to give away?
09:24Okay. So, Keir Starmer landed in Beijing this week in an attempt to strengthen ties with China.
09:29Although, it is possible he might have misunderstood the brief to win back the Red Wall.
09:33LAUGHTER
09:36OK.
09:38Uh...
09:38LAUGHTER
09:40It's a real gear change from, like, the cat-ass water.
09:44LAUGHTER
09:45LAUGHTER
09:47But I'm on board with all of it.
09:49Yeah.
09:50Now, normally you wouldn't meet with the head of a strict regime
09:53who clamps down on any challenges to their leadership,
09:55but the Chinese president said he'd make an exception.
09:57Oh, there we go.
09:58LAUGHTER
09:59LAUGHTER
10:00You groaned before I'd finished.
10:02It's my kind of humour.
10:04Um, Keir Starmer said the trip is necessary to forge trade relations
10:07with the world's second-largest economy,
10:08which is an indication of just how fucked things are with America right now.
10:13It's kind of like when you're in a pub but your 5G isn't working,
10:15so you have to log into the pub's Wi-Fi.
10:17You're like, yes, you're going to have my data,
10:19yes, I'm probably going to get hacked,
10:21but I've really got to do Wordle.
10:23LAUGHTER
10:23I always think with this thing, like,
10:25going over there to do a trade deal with China...
10:28Yeah.
10:28..must be, like, so difficult, because China make everything.
10:32Yeah.
10:32Now, they make cars, electronics, clothes,
10:35and, like, Keir Starmer's over there in exchange for this,
10:37trying to go, yeah, I can do you a deal on Carlin.
10:40LAUGHTER
10:41Have you ever heard of a sausage and bean melt?
10:45LAUGHTER
10:47It's actually not far off, because they got...
10:49..they reduced tariffs on whisky.
10:50That's what they did.
10:52That's all we've got.
10:53And, look, if there was any doubt
10:54as to whether sucking up the China is a good idea,
10:56last night Donald Trump said he thought it was a bad idea.
11:00In fact, he said the UK having closer ties with China
11:02would be, quote,
11:05Sorry, Donald, but if you weren't such a liability,
11:07we wouldn't have to do this in the first place.
11:10It's like Greg Wallace criticising the BBC
11:12for bringing in a new judge on MasterChef.
11:15LAUGHTER
11:16Apparently, Keir Starmer took Xi Jinping,
11:18a Premier League football that was used in the match
11:20between Arsenal and Manchester United last weekend...
11:22Oh, I'm sorry.
11:22..because Xi is a fan of Man United
11:24and they beat Arsenal in that game.
11:26You're all right, let's move on.
11:28LAUGHTER
11:29It's a very difficult thing to pack, isn't it, a football?
11:32LAUGHTER
11:32Very difficult.
11:34I'm imagining David...
11:36David, um...
11:36He's not called David...
11:37I almost said David Cameron.
11:39LAUGHTER
11:40What's he called?
11:40Keir Starmer?
11:41I'm having a breakdown.
11:43Move on, Adam, I seem to have gone back ten years in my life.
11:46Like, you've just admitted sharing water with your cat
11:48and you wonder what...
11:50LAUGHTER
11:51LAUGHTER
11:51LAUGHTER
11:52Oh, my God, what year is it?
11:55LAUGHTER
11:55What?
11:56And why can I taste a cat anus in my mouth?
12:00LAUGHTER
12:01The thing is that we don't know,
12:02what did Xi Jinping get Keir Starmer?
12:05Because I've got a little inkling
12:07it'll be just the sort of thing he's been talking about recently.
12:10Keir Starmer would be there going,
12:12how did you know...
12:12I was literally only saying to my wife the other day
12:14in the kitchen that I wanted a soda stream
12:16and all of a sudden...
12:17LAUGHTER
12:17It's just like, you just know!
12:20Keir Starmer's visit comes at a tricky time
12:22because China's been accused of spying on British diplomats.
12:24The Prime Minister said he wasn't worried
12:26about claims of Chinese spying,
12:27to which the Chinese replied,
12:29yes, you're right, we would never spy on you.
12:31Starmer then said, sorry, China,
12:32are you listening into this phone call?
12:34LAUGHTER
12:34And China said, sorry, we picked up the other extension.
12:38LAUGHTER
12:38And look, we might joke about this,
12:39but Starmer and his team took burner phones and laptops
12:42so that they won't be spied upon,
12:44which is kind of appropriate,
12:45cos right now most of Britain currently see Keir Starmer
12:48as a burner Prime Minister.
12:50LAUGHTER
12:50I mean, he's only going to be in use for a little while,
12:52there's nothing interesting on him
12:53and we'll probably get a new one soon.
12:54LAUGHTER
12:55The thing is,
12:56we assume that they've taken the burner phones
12:59because they're worried about spying,
13:01but you are discounting the other option.
13:04What's that?
13:05They're out there to sell drugs.
13:07LAUGHTER
13:09Starmer's gone, look, we need a cash influx.
13:11Yeah, yeah.
13:11You know, I'll start dealing,
13:13you know, I could be called Great Gear Keir.
13:16People...
13:16LAUGHTER
13:19LAUGHTER
13:19LAUGHTER
13:20LAUGHTER
13:21You know, there's loads of people in China.
13:24Let's get, let's get people going.
13:25He's the last person you'd suspect, isn't he?
13:27Yeah.
13:28They're not checking his suitcase.
13:30LAUGHTER
13:30There was a Guardian article...
13:31What's that in the football?
13:34LAUGHTER
13:36LAUGHTER
13:36There was a Guardian article this week
13:37that said when Theresa May visited China,
13:40she was advised to get dressed under a duvet
13:42to avoid being photographed naked by spy cameras.
13:46I know, and look, I don't want to cast aspersions,
13:49but I kind of feel like Theresa May
13:50gets dressed under a duvet anyway.
13:53LAUGHTER
13:53I mean, we've all seen how she dances.
13:56This is not an uninhibited woman.
13:58So is she also having to have a shower
14:00under a duvet as well?
14:03LAUGHTER
14:05Oh, sorry, sorry...
14:08Sorry, Philip, I'm just going to go for a shit.
14:10Can I have the duvet to put over my hand?
14:13I'd say footage of Theresa May
14:15struggling to get changed under a duvet
14:17would be incriminating enough.
14:19LAUGHTER
14:20It looks like they've run out of ideas on Taskmaster.
14:24LAUGHTER
14:26LAUGHTER
14:26Apparently stuff like this happens all the time.
14:28Like, when Michael Gove went to China,
14:30he said he was told to suspect anyone
14:32from the opposite sex who approached him
14:35and was out of his league.
14:37LAUGHTER
14:38LAUGHTER
14:39I know, which narrows it down to
14:40anyone from the opposite sex.
14:43LAUGHTER
14:43I mean, no offence to Michael Gove,
14:45but if you're a woman in China,
14:46the one thing you don't want to hear from him is,
14:48oh, now you I can trust.
14:50LAUGHTER
14:50It implies that every time Michael Gove
14:52goes abroad otherwise,
14:54there's just beautiful women coming up to him,
14:56and that's a day in the life of Michael Gove.
14:59LAUGHTER
14:59It's just like, if the Danish embassies are rocking,
15:02don't come a-knocking.
15:04All this comes as the Prime Minister approved plans
15:06for a Chinese mega-embassy in London,
15:08which has rooms that are suspiciously redacted
15:11from the plans.
15:12Now, look at that.
15:12See that room in red there?
15:14That's...
15:14The Chinese aren't even telling us
15:16what that room is for.
15:17Do you know what's so suspicious?
15:18They've even labelled it secret room.
15:21LAUGHTER
15:22LAUGHTER
15:23If they're calling it that,
15:24I'm going to say it,
15:25I don't think they're good spies.
15:26LAUGHTER
15:26It looks like the shittest Cluedo board of all time.
15:30LAUGHTER
15:30So it's right next to underground communication cables
15:33that carry sensitive financial information across London.
15:36But we're all right,
15:37cos we're going to put a duvet over the cable.
15:40LAUGHTER
15:41LAUGHTER
15:41And look, to be fair to China,
15:42it is better than the plan they originally submitted.
15:46LAUGHTER
15:48LAUGHTER
15:49LAUGHTER
15:49Now, the interesting thing is,
15:50this trip to China also helps to make Keir Starmer
15:52look prime ministerial
15:53at a time when his authority is kind of under question a bit.
15:56Rosie said,
15:57is it OK that Labor have blocked Andy Burnham
15:59from running for MP's election?
16:01So, there have been rumours for a few months now
16:03that Manchester Mayor Andy Burnham
16:05was going to challenge the Prime Minister
16:06for leadership of the Labor Party.
16:08But how?
16:08How can you do that when you're not an MP?
16:10Well, earlier this month,
16:11the MP for the Manchester constituency of Gorton and Denton
16:15suddenly resigned
16:16and Andy Burnham applied to run in the by-election.
16:19But then Labor blocked him
16:21cos they said it would cost too much money
16:22to run a by-election to replace him as mayor.
16:26Which sounds a little bit like...
16:28Bullshit.
16:29LAUGHTER
16:30Both politicians deny there's any beef,
16:32but right now,
16:33the only way things could be frostier between them
16:34is if Burnham accused Starmer
16:36of inappropriately dancing on him at his wedding.
16:39LAUGHTER
16:40LAUGHTER
16:43Let's be honest,
16:44it's all an image we're thinking of now.
16:47All eyes are now on...
16:47Get a duvet over them,
16:49I can't look!
16:50All eyes are now on the upcoming
16:52Gorton and Denton by-election,
16:53which is being seen as a huge test
16:54of Keir Starmer's leadership.
16:56Reform announced this week
16:57their candidate would be
16:58former GB news presenter Matt Goodwin,
17:00a man who once ate his own book on air
17:03after losing a bet
17:04about Jeremy Corbyn's polling.
17:06Here is the outrageous moment from 2017.
17:09I am a man of my word,
17:11so what I'm going to do
17:12is just sit here and eat my book
17:14while you guys carry on.
17:17LAUGHTER
17:23LAUGHTER
17:27LAUGHTER
17:28LAUGHTER
17:28LAUGHTER
17:28LAUGHTER
17:29LAUGHTER
17:29LAUGHTER
17:29LAUGHTER
17:29But he takes it out!
17:30He didn't eat it!
17:31He didn't eat it!
17:32That's not fulfilling a bet!
17:33Unless your bum is spitting out paper
17:35like a defective printer,
17:36you are not a man of your word!
17:38LAUGHTER
17:38In fairness,
17:39if he had have eaten a book...
17:40Yeah.
17:41..would it have wiped his arse on the way out?
17:43LAUGHTER
17:47LAUGHTER
17:48Look, it won't surprise you
17:49to know Matt Goodwin is anti-immigration,
17:51anti-establishment and anti-woke,
17:53but he looks good on television.
17:55You know what I mean?
17:56He's like Lee Anderson if he'd been queer-eyed.
17:58LAUGHTER
17:58Now, the Gorton and Denton by-election,
18:00this is...
18:01I think it's February 26th it's going to take place.
18:03Oh, I've got it in my diary,
18:04I'll tell you that for free.
18:06LAUGHTER
18:08I think it's going to be a big one.
18:09Like, I think this is going to be properly fascinating
18:11to see which way it goes.
18:13And I think we need to come up with a good name for it.
18:15So our poll tonight is...
18:16You don't think the Gorton and Denton by-election
18:18is exciting enough?
18:20LAUGHTER
18:21LAUGHTER
18:21No.
18:22Our poll is this.
18:23What should we call it?
18:24What should we call the Gorton and Denton by-election?
18:27I don't know, you've heard of Rumble in the Jungle,
18:29maybe the hullabaloo on the M62.
18:31How about the fuckfest in the North West?
18:34LAUGHTER
18:37I meant it as a mess-up,
18:39not as in there are...
18:40Not as in, like, Michael Gove on a diplomatic...
18:43LAUGHTER
18:43I'm going to say,
18:44I could have sworn I've got a VPN to watch that.
18:47LAUGHTER
18:48Let's not go with my suggestion.
18:50It wasn't taken as I'd intended it.
18:52LAUGHTER
18:52Oh, girls, come on!
18:54Send us your suggestions on WhatsApp or Instagram,
18:57we'll pick one at the end of the show.
18:58Use the hashtag unwanted election.
19:01All parties will be announcing their candidates in due course.
19:04Labour, though, are announcing theirs tomorrow,
19:05and there have been rumours
19:07that former Manchester United star
19:09and now pundit Gary Neville
19:11could be the Labour candidate.
19:13Ooh.
19:14I know, and considering Xi Jinping is a Man United fan,
19:16that might not be a bad idea.
19:18LAUGHTER
19:19I think footballers going into politics,
19:22I think that's the way forward.
19:24Imagine Roy Keane in power,
19:26and there was, like, a doctor's strike,
19:28and it's like, you know, we're saving lives,
19:30we need more money.
19:30He's like, but that's your job.
19:32LAUGHTER
19:34I just love the idea of him trying to combine it with Sky,
19:37and he's like, well, I can't go to the UN
19:38cos I'm at Sunderland v Fulham.
19:41LAUGHTER
19:42It's... Oh, it's so exciting.
19:44It's got to be him, hasn't it?
19:45Has he?
19:46Well, look, we think it's pretty unlikely
19:48that Gary Neville's going to be a candidate
19:49for the Gordon and Denton by-election,
19:50but, just in case, we've taken the liberty
19:53of making a campaign ad for him.
19:55LAUGHTER
19:55And here it is.
19:57When Labour is anything but united,
20:00you need a man who's united through and through.
20:04He's hard-working, tactically aware,
20:06and he knows how to win.
20:09Introducing your candidate for Gorton and Denton,
20:13Gary Neville.
20:14He's spent a career putting a cross in a box.
20:18Now he wants your cross in his box.
20:21LAUGHTER
20:22He's the perfect Labour candidate
20:24cos he had loads of success in the 90s,
20:26but sod all since.
20:28And like Labour now,
20:30he's used to being stuck behind the right wing.
20:33He's the people's mayor
20:35who played for Man United,
20:37so it won't be the first time
20:39he'll be representing the Reds.
20:41And if you want someone who can handle PMQs,
20:44you need a person
20:45who can face a properly abusive atmosphere.
20:48He'll make a good Labour candidate
20:51cos he's used to being called a...
20:53And like his starter,
20:56he's spent his whole career
20:57sucking up to a tyrannical dictator.
21:00This February, vote for Gary Neville
21:03cos maybe what the country needs
21:05is a leader called Gary.
21:09APPLAUSE
21:14All right, let's welcome tonight's guests.
21:16She hosts Bake Off the Professionals
21:18and he appeared in Wonka
21:19so they both know their way around a chocolate flute.
21:21Please welcome Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis.
21:25CHEERING
21:41How are you both?
21:43What did you get up to over your break?
21:45I went to Australia over Christmas, actually, Adam.
21:47Did you?
21:48And I've got some concerns for your nation.
21:50OK.
21:51Because, and there's a lot going on in the world,
21:52but we need to be addressing the real issues,
21:54which is the rise of the mullet.
21:57Because it's out of control.
21:58I know it's a big thing for you culturally.
22:00Yeah.
22:00But it's escalating.
22:02There are now all these things the guys are doing.
22:04They shave the front.
22:05Don't look at me.
22:06I've got...
22:07LAUGHTER
22:07I haven't got a horse in this race.
22:10I mean, I could grow out of back, to be fair.
22:12Well, this is it, Tom.
22:13You can do it.
22:13So they shave the front long at the back.
22:15It's called a skullet.
22:16Really?
22:17A skullet.
22:18It's...
22:18What is it?
22:19See, actually, I...
22:20Yeah.
22:21And you see it on toddlers, like, that a parent...
22:23That is awful.
22:24...has done that, has gone to it, like,
22:25how can I make this cuter?
22:27I want to see more of his cranium and less of his neck,
22:29thank you.
22:30LAUGHTER
22:31It's...
22:31I mean, the mullet was traditionally, like,
22:33business in the front, party in the back,
22:35but that's...
22:35That's...
22:36That's national front party.
22:38LAUGHTER
22:39LAUGHTER
22:41I apologise on behalf of my nation.
22:44Tom, what did you get up to?
22:45Well, I'm thinking about getting a skullet.
22:47LAUGHTER
22:50I realised I was getting old.
22:51I had a tumble down the stairs the other day.
22:54Yeah, and my wife...
22:55It's given my wife the biggest ick ever.
22:58My wife describes...
22:59She was doing one of her voice notes that she does
23:01that lasts about...
23:02They're, like, essentially a podcast.
23:03They go on for about 40 minutes.
23:05And I walked into the room, and she said,
23:07um, Tom's just come in the room.
23:09He had a fall this morning.
23:11He had a fall?
23:13I was, like, like, genuinely, like,
23:15oh, he's about 60 now.
23:17He's, like, like, we're going to get, like,
23:18one of those little showers in a bar,
23:20like, a little seat in a bar.
23:21Aren't you getting a little tartan trolley
23:23to put in shopping?
23:24LAUGHTER
23:25Well, I think, generally, she's...
23:27Yeah, it's a very sad state of affairs.
23:29I'm worried that she thinks, yeah,
23:30like, I'm an old man, I'm a girl.
23:30You need to start putting a handkerchief up your sleeve.
23:33LAUGHTER
23:35With my old grey skullet.
23:37LAUGHTER
23:38Um, and Ellie, we talked about Alex and Backstreet Boys,
23:41but you are aware of his love of boy bands.
23:43I am, actually.
23:45Oh, shit.
23:45Because Alex and I, we spent a week in Indonesia last year
23:48for work purposes, before the movement all starts.
23:51And we drove a lot, didn't we?
23:53We were in a car for about eight hours a day.
23:55I would say seven out of those eight hours a day
23:57were probably spent with Alex telling me about Justin Timberlake.
24:00Wow.
24:01The other hour was you shouting at mopeds.
24:04LAUGHTER
24:06So I learned a lot.
24:07It's a real mixed bag.
24:09LAUGHTER
24:11I think we'd end this part of the show on something upbeat,
24:13but Alex received some sad news this week.
24:16Yeah, I mean, this really, this not me for six, this one.
24:19It was announced this week that, um,
24:22the chain of Vodka Revolution bars,
24:25they've gone into administration.
24:27Um, they are no more.
24:30They're done.
24:31And I just feel like the memories that I've made
24:34and then lost in those places,
24:37and it was like, you know, it's like, you know,
24:39I mean, first, first they came for Tiger, Tiger,
24:42and I did not speak out.
24:44Then they come for Oceania,
24:46and I did not speak out.
24:47But this is, the country's gone.
24:50Come on, you might.
24:51Right, I've got some of my happiest
24:52and some of my saddest memories, actually.
24:54I remember an awful time of,
24:57you just have just enough Bacardi Breezer or whatever.
24:59I remember seeing this girl that I'd fancied for ages
25:01in a, uh, Vodka Revolutions,
25:04and she was dancing with some friends,
25:05and I went up to sort of, I was like,
25:07I've had enough drink now, I'm going to go and sort of try
25:09and chat her up.
25:09So I walked over and did my usual gambit
25:11and went, uh, oi, oi.
25:13And she just looked, uh,
25:15and I said, do you want to dance?
25:16And her and her friends were sort of dancing around
25:18these handbags.
25:19And, uh...
25:20God, you are old, aren't you?
25:22She went forward and she went, um...
25:24And I thought she was going to say something romantic,
25:26and she said, me and my friends are just going to go to the toilet,
25:28all right, to watch your handbags.
25:29And I went, yeah, cool, cool.
25:31Um, and they were going for, like, six songs.
25:33Uh, I thought, oh, she hated me that much.
25:35She's actually just left the bags.
25:37And I looked round at the bar,
25:38and then they were all sitting together with these other lads.
25:41Oh!
25:41And I thought, oh, well, I've been given a job,
25:44I should see it through.
25:45So I went over to the...
25:48to the girls with these lads at the bar and went,
25:50uh, excuse me, ladies, did you forget your bag?
25:54And this bloke turned around, he went,
25:55what are you, a fucking cloakroom?
25:59And, uh, yeah, for the next ten years,
26:01every time I saw him in Vodka Revolutions,
26:02he'd go, oi, cloakroom, hold this.
26:05And I just had to walk round with a random guy's jacket
26:08for the rest of the evening.
26:09So, yeah, happy memories.
26:11And that's what we've now lost.
26:13Yeah.
26:13I don't entirely understand the cultural significance
26:16of all of this.
26:17But I do know Alex wasn't this upset when the Queen died.
26:21LAUGHTER
26:23But I mean, I'm half expecting David Beckham
26:25to queue up for hours outside of Vodka Revolution.
26:28LAUGHTER
26:28While Paddington leads a shot of raspberry vodka
26:30into the sunset.
26:32LAUGHTER
26:33But, Alex, I believe you want to mark this moment
26:36with something special, right?
26:37Yeah, I think it's only fitting to say goodbye
26:39to Vodka Revolution.
26:41Wow.
26:42With a five-shot salute, Tommy,
26:44I don't know if you'd mind doing the honours, please.
26:47Oh, wow, of course, of course.
26:48Thank you, I know you're getting to that age now
26:51where this is the sort of thing you'll take up, so...
26:57LAUGHTER
26:57LAUGHTER
26:58LAUGHTER
26:59LAUGHTER
26:59Please, this is...
27:02It's a Vodka Revolution.
27:03Yeah? Oh, yeah.
27:04MUSIC PLAYS
27:12MUSIC PLAYS
27:29MUSIC PLAYS
27:49At the going down of the sun, and in the morning,
27:51we probably won't remember them.
27:54LAUGHTER
27:55We'll have more last things for you after the break
27:56as Trump blows up America and Melania bombs at the box office.
27:59Plus, we want to know what should we call
28:01the upcoming Gorton and Denton by-election.
28:03Message us on WhatsApp or Instagram.
28:05Use the hashtag unwantedelection.
28:06We'll see you in a little bit.
28:09APPLAUSE
28:09MUSIC PLAYS
28:13MUSIC PLAYS
28:22Welcome back to Last Leg.
28:24We're joined by Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis.
28:26Just want to give a quick shout-out to anyone feeling the loss of Catherine O'Hara tonight,
28:31the amazing comedy legend.
28:32We're here to tell you, you are not alone.
28:35Let's look overseas at the news now.
28:36Batty Natty said,
28:37I mean, where do we start?
28:41Since we were last on air, Donald Trump and his administration kidnapped and deposed a world leader,
28:47guilt-tripped a Nobel Prize winner into giving him her medal,
28:50threatened to go to war with Iran,
28:51failed to rule out taking Greenland by force,
28:54and lied about the deaths of two US citizens killed by ICE agents.
28:59Don't half go big in January.
29:02You know, like a lot of us, like, you go,
29:04most of us have been waiting for this month to end,
29:06but waiting for the evenings to get lighter.
29:08We're just easing ourselves in.
29:10He's like, it's just another day, straight in,
29:12we'll kidnap a president, we'll fucking do Greenland, we'll have that.
29:15Yeah, it's like he gave up international law for New Year.
29:19Try January, it'll kill you.
29:21You've got all that time in your hands,
29:22you're not going down the Wetherspoons,
29:24you've got to fill those evenings in.
29:26There's no revolution.
29:27No.
29:28So let's start with Greenland.
29:30Donald Trump's been threatening to take control of Greenland for security reasons.
29:33Last month, pledged tariffs against nations that opposed him.
29:37He laid it back down on both threats,
29:39but not before the Belgian Prime Minister described him as being, quote,
29:41like the very hungry caterpillar.
29:44Which is the latest in a long line of Donald Trump children's books,
29:48including Spot the Dog Whistle,
29:50The Lying King,
29:51and Melania and the Giant Peach.
29:54Lads, it's mad.
29:55We're five weeks into the year
29:57and already Donald Trump has threatened to take Greenland by force.
29:59I mean, he virtually said when you're president,
30:01you can just grab them by the peninsula.
30:05Can I be honest?
30:07Yeah.
30:07About three months ago,
30:09I didn't even know if Greenland was a country in its own right.
30:12Mm-hmm.
30:13I didn't know who owned Greenland.
30:15I thought maybe America already did.
30:17And now,
30:19I could,
30:20I think it's the most important thing in the world ever.
30:23I don't know why I care so much about this,
30:26but I think now Greenland's the most important place on Earth.
30:28Yeah.
30:29Well, Trump later,
30:30it's so important that Donald Trump later kept referring to it as Iceland.
30:35Hearing his speech to world leaders.
30:37Here it is.
30:37Here's the startling footage of his bumbling inaccuracies.
30:41I'm helping NATO,
30:42and I've,
30:43until the last few days,
30:44when I told them about Iceland,
30:46they loved me.
30:47They're not there for us on Iceland.
30:50That, I can tell you.
30:51I mean,
30:52our stock market took the first dip yesterday
30:54because of Iceland.
30:55So Iceland's already cost us a lot of money.
30:59Is the American military
31:01going to take over a chain of budget supermarkets?
31:06I mean,
31:07to be fair,
31:07Iceland is the only store that could be bombed by America
31:10and still look pretty much the same.
31:13I always like possibly Vodka Revolution these days.
31:18I forget this about Donald Trump,
31:20and every time I'm reminded of it,
31:21it really,
31:22like,
31:22hits me.
31:23He don't drink.
31:27And you know,
31:28like,
31:29if one of your mates
31:30put the stuff he said
31:31in a WhatsApp group,
31:33you'd be going to the other lad,
31:34he's been on it.
31:36He's up at 3am
31:38sending all these tweets,
31:39and he's just having a pack of crisps.
31:44Can of Dr Pepper?
31:47Hugging his teddy bear.
31:49Still in America,
31:50Ross said,
31:50is it OK?
31:51Ice is totally out of control and terrifying to witness.
31:54We're assuming this is about America,
31:55unless Ross is an 80-year-old struggling with a new hip.
31:59No offence, Tom.
32:08Ice is the name of Donald Trump's Immigrations and Customs Enforcement,
32:12and if you haven't been across this,
32:13look,
32:13it's their job to get undocumented migrants out of America.
32:16They're doing this by raiding houses,
32:17workplaces,
32:18and stopping people on the street,
32:19and in some cases,
32:21taking them out of cars
32:22and then out of the country.
32:23Many Americans are protesting,
32:25some are trying to stop them.
32:27Two of those Americans
32:27have recently been shot and killed at point-blank range.
32:31And if you think all this sounds historically familiar,
32:33take a look at the way the head of Ice,
32:35Greg Bovino,
32:36was dressed when he arrived in Minneapolis this week.
32:39That's him in the middle.
32:40For a guy whose members are being compared to Nazis,
32:43he hasn't not dressed like a Nazi.
32:46You know, like,
32:48when a load of your mates tell you it's fancy dress
32:50and you're the only one that you can tell?
32:53He's there going,
32:54I thought one of you was going to go
32:55as fucking Indiana Jones.
32:58He's saying that to the guy in the yellow jacket.
33:00All right, so look,
33:01we need a palate cleanser right now,
33:02so let's bring on this week's mystery guest.
33:04Tom and Ellie have to work out
33:05how they're related to the news.
33:06Can we have this week's mystery guest, please?
33:08Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
33:11Mystery guest.
33:12But I want to get close to you.
33:19Uh, Josh, Alex, who's the mystery guest?
33:21This is Sharon.
33:23Sharon was in the news this week.
33:24But why?
33:26Can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?
33:31So, has Sharon been in the news
33:33because A,
33:34she's had her garden fence
33:35slowly stolen by thieves
33:37one plank a night
33:38for two months.
33:40B,
33:41she was caught spying on her neighbour
33:43through a hole she made in her fence,
33:45but one thing led to another
33:47and this week,
33:48they got married.
33:49Or,
33:50we're shining in the news
33:51because she's built a huge statue
33:53of Claudia Winkleman
33:54on her garden fence.
33:56Um,
33:57I hope it's number two.
33:59That'd be, um...
34:00It's sweet, isn't it?
34:01Yeah.
34:01That's maybe the most...
34:02I'd love to see the film of that as well.
34:04Um,
34:04that'd be a beautiful thing.
34:06Um...
34:06Do you really like Claudia Winkleman?
34:08Did you watch...
34:08Don't answer!
34:09She can't answer!
34:10Don't answer.
34:11I'll tell you what,
34:12we'll reveal the mystery guest
34:13after the break.
34:14We'll prepare Josh and Alex
34:15for an Ashes forfeit as well.
34:17Uh,
34:17plus,
34:18we want to know
34:18what we should call
34:19the upcoming
34:19Gorton and Denton by-election.
34:21Message us on WhatsApp
34:21or Instagram.
34:22Use the hashtag
34:23Unwanted Election.
34:23We'll see you in a little bit.
34:39Welcome back to The Last Egg.
34:40We're joined by
34:41Ellie Taylor
34:41and Tom Davis.
34:43I mean,
34:43I know I've got
34:44a holiday beard,
34:44but someone just messaged
34:45to say,
34:46if you squint at the screen,
34:47Adam looks like
34:48an old version
34:49of Mel Gibson.
34:53Oh, wow.
34:54Does that mean
34:54your views are more extreme?
34:57Now,
34:58before the break,
34:58we challenged Ellie
34:59and Tom to work out
35:00how this person
35:01was connected to the news.
35:02Can we have the options
35:03again, please?
35:06Yes,
35:06so was Sharon in the news
35:07because her garden fence
35:08was slowly stolen by thieves
35:09one plank a night
35:10for two months?
35:11Was it because
35:12she was caught spying
35:13on her neighbour
35:13for a hole she made
35:14in her fence
35:15and one thing led to another
35:17and this week
35:17they got married
35:18or is it because
35:19she's built a huge statue
35:21of Claudia Winkleman
35:22on her garden fence?
35:24What do you think?
35:24I like the idea
35:25of one as well
35:26in the fact
35:26that they were
35:27nicking a sort of
35:28panel of time
35:28and then just being like,
35:30you know,
35:30how many pedals
35:31do we need, Dean?
35:32Just do one a time
35:33and we'll see
35:33if we've got enough.
35:34Yeah.
35:35Slowly building the fence.
35:36I mean, two is lovely,
35:38it's a happy ending
35:39but horrifically creepy
35:40initially.
35:41Weirdly how I met my wife.
35:43Yeah.
35:44There's a hole in the gym
35:45that sort of thing.
35:50It was the base she was spying
35:51on it,
35:51it was another guy
35:52but he just didn't go
35:54into the gym that day
35:55and, yeah,
35:56so...
35:56So what do you think?
35:57Weirdly, actually,
35:58my nickname in the gym
35:59was Big Winkleman.
36:04I think that the statue
36:07of Claudia Winkleman
36:08in your garden
36:09is weirdly
36:10sort of the second...
36:11The most believable, I think.
36:12Also the second creepiest thing.
36:14All right,
36:15you're going to go with that?
36:15I'm going to go.
36:16I think we should go with Winkleman.
36:16Sharon, can you reveal...
36:18Yeah, let's go with Winkleman.
36:19...how you connected to the news?
36:22I'm Sharon
36:23and I made a life-size model
36:25of Claudia Winkleman
36:26a stucker on my fence.
36:28Oh, my God.
36:29Oh, my God.
36:29Oh, my God.
36:33Great...
36:33Great icon, legend.
36:34Yeah.
36:35And you've brought it...
36:36You've brought it with you as well.
36:38This is the Claudia Winkleman
36:39that has been on your fence.
36:41Oh, my God.
36:42Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
36:43It's so good.
36:45Wow.
36:48Sharon.
36:49What's that?
36:50Sharon, please tell me
36:52you came here by train.
36:54I was kidding.
36:56I was kidding.
36:57I was kidding.
36:57I was kidding.
36:57I was kidding.
36:57I was kidding.
36:57I was kidding.
36:58I was kidding.
37:00And you've made...
37:01I mean, you've made many before.
37:03You've made Ed Sheeran,
37:03you've made Alan Carr.
37:05I have the Queen,
37:06the King.
37:06And for us tonight,
37:08you've made versions
37:09of Josh and Alex and I as well.
37:11Yeah.
37:11These are...
37:12These are quite remarkable.
37:14Oh, my God.
37:16Wow.
37:17That is incredible.
37:34I'm going to say, I'm loving this.
37:36Yeah.
37:37It was a lot of work.
37:37I seem to have...
37:39You seem to have given me Alex's feet.
37:40I know.
37:43Yours didn't take too long to make
37:45because I already had a model of King Charles.
37:49So I only had to tweak it a little bit.
37:53LAUGHTER
37:57All right, Sharon,
37:58you can fuck off.
38:02Round of applause for Sharon.
38:05Thank you, Sharon.
38:08Oh, so good.
38:10All right, let's talk sport now.
38:11And Adam Hills said,
38:13is it OK that Australia won the Ashes?
38:15And now Josh and Alex have to face
38:17an over from an Ashes legend.
38:19Great question, Adam Hills.
38:20Love your comedy, by the way.
38:21Yes, Australia beat England 4-1
38:23in the recent Ashes series.
38:25Are we all feeling OK about that?
38:27Yeah.
38:29I mean, to be fair with cricket-wise, yeah.
38:31I mean, I'll let you have the cricket.
38:33I'm all about football next year, but yeah.
38:35We'll let you.
38:36I don't get it.
38:37I don't get as invested in the cricket.
38:40But yeah, it's all sad to see us lose, but...
38:43Expected.
38:44It's the way we're looking forward to win that sentence.
38:46Josh and Alex now have to fulfil
38:48their end of a bet that we had.
38:50So at the end of tonight's show,
38:51they have to face an over from an Ashes legend.
38:54Wow.
38:54It's going to happen live in the studio.
38:56Earlier today, they headed to Lourdes
38:58to get some batting tips
38:58from three times Ashes-winning legend Matthew Pryor.
39:02Here's how it played out.
39:07We're joined by three-time Ashes winner,
39:11England's Matt Pryor.
39:12And I'm going to say it,
39:13the best wicket-keeper batsman England
39:15have had in my lifetime.
39:16Oh, wow.
39:17We're here to get tips.
39:18And the biggest kind of tip I was wondering is,
39:22what's the best way to just get out the way of the ball?
39:25As the ball's released, just lie down.
39:27Just lie down.
39:28Just lie down.
39:29And then it's going to go over you.
39:31Right.
39:32Are you going to wear both pads, Brooker?
39:35Don't know.
39:36Would you put a pad on a prosthetic leg?
39:39It's closing the door after the horse has bolted, really, isn't it?
39:42It's going to be in for a pound, isn't it?
39:46Right, guys, you've got all your gear on.
39:47Three things to focus on.
39:49Eyes level, balance feet,
39:50and most important thing,
39:52just watch the ball all the time.
39:54Watch the ball.
39:56Oh!
40:00There you go.
40:01That's a good shot.
40:02Look at this.
40:03Where are your hands in those gloves, Brooker?
40:06Do you want to see?
40:08Here you go.
40:09No.
40:10No.
40:11I feel like I'm working at this kid's shoe shop.
40:12No.
40:14No.
40:15No.
40:17Go on, Brooker.
40:18Watch the ball.
40:20Oh, man.
40:21There we go.
40:25Oh, what a catch!
40:28Still got it!
40:32Joel!
40:37Oh!
40:39That is, I'm going to say,
40:40the best minute of my life.
40:42I loved that.
40:45Joel!
40:46Oh, it's falling!
40:47That's all good.
40:48Easy.
40:49Matt, I've got nothing to worry about.
40:51Your boys are ready.
40:52And what was that, like 60, 70, 80?
40:55No, that was more like 20 miles an hour.
40:58What have you got to face tonight?
40:5990 miles an hour.
41:02Cheers.
41:02Lovely to meet you guys.
41:03Thank you, mate.
41:04All the best.
41:04Cheers.
41:05Go well.
41:13Stay tuned after the break,
41:14because Josh and Alex will face it over
41:16from an Ashes legend live in the studio.
41:18And Ellie's going to wrap up the last seven days.
41:20We'll see you in a little bit.
41:35Welcome back to The Last Leg.
41:37We're joined by Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis.
41:39Alex and Josh are off preparing
41:40for the end of the show.
41:42So we've got this standing.
41:46Ellie's going to take us through
41:47the best of the last seven days.
41:49What have you got?
41:49Adam, would you like to see
41:51an incredible clip involving
41:52a giant puddle
41:53where, let's be honest,
41:54we all know what's going to happen?
41:56Yes, please.
41:58Don't want to pass you a grand?
42:11Oh, my God!
42:21And one more, please.
42:22Would you like to see the unfortunate moment
42:23where a sweet girl is playing with her grandfather
42:26until silly grandad takes it a step too far?
42:29You're good at this.
42:29Yes, please.
42:37No, give me a squeeze, Dilly.
42:39Squeeze it.
42:55We ask you to rename the Gorton and Denton by-election.
43:00Anthony said a shit stew on the M62.
43:03Harriet said the great Gadby,
43:05because it's the Gordon and Denton by-election.
43:08It's very nice.
43:09War of the Posers.
43:11Johnny said Kieran Loathing in Gordon.
43:14But a few people said,
43:15and I think this might be what we dub it,
43:17the Mancunian candidate.
43:19Well, that's beautiful.
43:20Very nice, right?
43:21Well done, Melk and Mark and all of you.
43:23Also, we asked you on Instagram,
43:25is Josh drinking the same water as his cat disgusting?
43:28Yes.
43:28Now, the results are in.
43:29What?
43:3184% said yes, it is disgusting.
43:34That's right.
43:3584%.
43:35Who are the 16%?
43:37The cats.
43:38The cats.
43:41Josh and Alex are about to end the show
43:42by facing it over from an Ashes legend,
43:44but before they do,
43:45would you please thank our guests for tonight,
43:46Ellie Taylor.
43:51And Tom Davis.
43:55And my co-host, Josh Whittakin and Alex Brooker.
44:00We'll be back next week with artist Grayson Perry,
44:02comedian Judy Love and singer Tyler Ballgame,
44:04but right now, it's time to fulfil a forfeit.
44:07Since Australia won the Ashes,
44:09Josh and Alex now have to face an over
44:11from an Ashes legend.
44:12So, let's bring out the Batsmen.
44:16APPLAUSE
44:29Now, I'm going to be honest,
44:30there was a slight mix-up with the booking.
44:32We don't have an Ashes legend.
44:35What we ended up with was an Ash who is a legend.
44:38So, please welcome Leslie Ash.
44:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:46I'll go round this side.
44:48I'll take this out.
44:49Oh, yeah, OK.
44:50There you go.
44:53Welcome.
44:54Leslie, I mean, is this how you thought
44:56you were going to be spending your Friday night?
44:58Yeah, of course.
44:59Do it all the time.
45:00All right, I'm going to give you a hand up there
45:02onto the box.
45:03I'm going to feed you balls.
45:04Yeah, you take that.
45:06Oh, come on.
45:07You made that dirty.
45:10Right.
45:10Leslie and Leslie,
45:11can I just see one first
45:12to get a feel for the speed?
45:14OK, can you just...
45:15I'm just going to go back
45:16while you do one in first, OK?
45:18OK, all right.
45:19Ready?
45:19Yeah.
45:22Fuck!
45:25I've got stuck to the netting as well.
45:28Fuck this.
45:29See you later.
45:32OK, you ready?
45:34Josh, here is your first delivery.
45:38Oh, Jesus.
45:40I'm really good at this.
45:43Yeah!
45:43We've got a bat on one.
45:47Oh!
45:48Those are your three.
45:49Alex, do you want to step forward?
45:51Oh, Jesus.
45:51Oh, my word.
45:52I can't even hold...
45:53Good luck, mate.
45:56Tom, get ready to play the last post again.
46:00Hey, Alex.
46:01It's not often someone bats
46:03and is also short-legged.
46:06I don't know what that means.
46:08OK, here we go.
46:09Are you ready?
46:11Whoa!
46:12Right through.
46:13Hang on.
46:14Jesus.
46:15Right, Jesus.
46:15Ready?
46:16Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
46:19Whoa!
46:24Last one.
46:25Ready?
46:26Oh!
46:28Oh!
46:29Oh!
46:31Oh!
46:31Oh!
46:32Oh!
46:32Would you please thank Lesley Ash?
46:35Yeah!
46:40Thanks for watching The Last Leg.
46:42My name's Ashlyn Hills.
46:43We'll see you next week for The Next Leg.
46:46Yeah!
46:47Woo!
46:48Woo!
46:48Woo!
46:49Woo!
46:50Woo!
46:50Woo!
46:50Woo!
46:51Woo!
46:52Woo!
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