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00:02What a hell's on!
00:04Thank you for letting us be ourselves
00:06So don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:08These simple lines be good for your health
00:11Keep them trying rhymes on the shelf
00:13Live my life like you just don't care
00:16Life that I believe is never scared
00:18Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:20Get up, sit up here for my dear
00:22Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:25Get up, and show me
00:37Roses are red, violence are blue, we've got one leg
00:40Most people have two
00:41It's Friday, we're live, and it's time for the last leg
00:46Tonight on the show, we ask whether Keir Starmer's losing support
00:50Find out if this football fan's hopes went boom or bust
00:53And we'll see who went arse over tit at the Winter Olympics
00:57Plus we'll be joined by actor Brian Cox and comedian Flo and Joan
01:02On the show that always keeps abreast of the news
01:14G'day, I'm Adam Hills
01:16Welcome to The Last Leg, the show that's been colonised by this immigrant
01:20With me, got nothing, got nothing
01:22With me as always in the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Whittacombe
01:25And the man who thought bad bunny was something you find in your wife's bedside drawer
01:28Alex Brooker
01:34That's a level
01:37Loads of news to get through this week
01:38But I want to start by showing you a photo I took on the tube during the week
01:42Oh, you're still making the most of your freedom pass, are you, pal?
01:48So, I was on the tube on the way home from the football Wednesday night
01:51Tuesday night, sorry
01:52And I took a photo of this because I thought, it's a Visit America Today ad
01:57And I thought, this is an interesting time to advertise trips to America
02:02But then I looked more closely
02:04Zoom in
02:05The first shot on the left is a mocked-up picture of Donald Trump with Jeffrey Epstein
02:10The second is a picture of people wearing MAGA hats, Nazi necklaces and carrying burning crosses
02:15The third was a school kid with an automatic weapon
02:18And the last one was a child being taken away by ice
02:22And what amazed me was that no-one else on the tube noticed that
02:26I saw this actually, I booked a holiday, was that not real?
02:31I just thought, I'd get to be taken away by ice, it'll be really fun
02:35A lot of pressure though, isn't it?
02:36Visit America Today, that's a big, that's a big old journey
02:40What I noticed of it, is it by, is it, I keep saying, is it wankers of the world
02:45Wankers of the world.com
02:46Every time I read wankers of the world in my head I just go, spice up your life
02:52The hard part was, I was then sitting there and I thought, I need to take a photo of this
02:57But then I had to do it without looking like I was taking a photo of the people sitting underneath
03:01it
03:01So I feel like this is a pre-emptive excuse for your court case
03:04It was an awkward moment as I was kind of like trying to angle the phone up
03:10I've done that before with an advert and you stand up
03:12Because then it's just not weird
03:13Oh, okay
03:14I've had people, I had someone who I didn't realise was taking a photo of me across the tube before
03:20Yeah
03:20She looked like she was on her phone and then it flashed
03:24And then she went, oh, I don't know what happened there
03:27Have you ever heard it when someone's like, they've gone, they've come up to you and asked for a photo
03:31But when they open their phone to the camera, it's on Google with your name on it
03:37I'm just there going
03:39I'm sure it's in, it could be another geezer with the hands
03:43I had one where someone came up to me and I could see their phone and they'd Googled the words
03:49ginger comedian
03:54All right, we are live as always
03:56So send us any questions you want to ask us about the news
03:59Instagram, the hashtags, is it okay
04:01WhatsApp, the number is 07956 175908
04:04Or you can scan the QR code on your screen
04:06For example, you might remember this guy from our New Year's Eve show
04:10Frank Eilert
04:11Now, Frank said he wasn't going to cut his hair until Manchester United won five games in a row
04:17On Tuesday, they played West Ham, having won four in a row
04:20And the next morning, Frank looked like this
04:25Because they drew
04:27And that photo itself throws up a lot of questions
04:30The first is, are men okay?
04:33The second is, what drain unblocker is he using?
04:36The third is, how low is the bar for positive stories about football fans right now?
04:40Because that was big news this week
04:41It is, but I don't think you can underestimate
04:45In this country, just how much we enjoy someone else's misfortune
04:51Because that game on Tuesday, obviously it's like
04:53The whole story about it is in the actual matches up
04:55West Ham got another point as they're trying to get out the relegation zone
04:58Man United can complete another one of their unbeaten run under Michael Carrick
05:02They're the stories, but all everyone was going, watching it is going
05:04God, I hope that geezer can't cut his hair tomorrow
05:08You know what, look, I'm a Plymouth fan, right?
05:10I had a, thank you
05:12One more than I expected
05:15I had a look when we last won five games in a row
05:19Yeah
05:19And it was Christmas 2003
05:25So if Frank Islet goes under one of those runs, he won't cut his hair until 2048
05:31And it was the most positive news for Manchester United this week
05:34Because one of the owners of the club made a statement of a different kind
05:37The billionaire Sir Jim Ratcliffe, if you haven't seen this, said in an interview
05:40That the UK had been, quote, colonised by immigrants
05:44Lib Dem leader Sir Ed Davey criticised him, Nigel Farage agreed with him
05:47And Downing Street breathed a sigh of relief
05:50Now we'll get to that in a sec
05:51But first, what did we think of Sir Jim's comments?
05:53I don't know, I mean
05:55Does anyone else think that we just need to stop giving knightheads to people called Jim?
06:08I mean, look, it's not as bad as last time, but this ain't great
06:15By the way, this is what the Man United team would have looked like on Tuesday night
06:18With only British-born players
06:21And this is what the team would have looked like with no children of immigrants
06:26To be fair to Luke Shaw, he's good
06:28He gets up and down
06:31Ratcliffe also criticised the number of people on benefits in the UK
06:34He sacked the dinner ladies when he took over Man U
06:37You're putting them on benefits, you fucking idiot
06:40Also, the man who's talking about all this is
06:42He was only on a podcast and he was asked to be his favourite all-time Man United 11
06:48Imagine how unhappy and angry he'd be if he didn't have 17 billion pounds
06:54He is the living proof that money doesn't make you happy
06:58He also said the population has gone from 58 million in 2020 to 70 million this year
07:03But that I'm afraid is...
07:04Bullshit!
07:05The population in 2020 was 67 million just over
07:09Which means we've only increased by like less than 3 million
07:11I think somewhere now there's a Man United fan who's saying they're not going to cut their hair again until
07:16Jim Ratcliffe stops being an uninformed jerk
07:20The irony is that in 2020, Ratcliffe officially changed his tax domicile to Monaco
07:27Which means that according to UK fact-check politics in 2025 Jim Ratcliffe paid no income tax whatsoever
07:35Right, okay
07:38Now, there's lots of opinions on this but according to UK fact-check politics
07:44In the same year immigrants paid approximately 140 billion pounds
07:57Immigrants we get the tax done
08:07And by the way the tax Jim Ratcliffe should have paid 4 billion pounds approximately
08:13He has since said I'm sorry that my choice of language has offended some people in the UK and Europe
08:17I'm gonna call it, I don't think he means that apology
08:22By some people does he mean anyone who's not a wanker
08:26One question being asked this week is why Sir Jim was even talking about immigration in the first place
08:29Well turns out he recently met with Nigel Farage
08:32Worst blunt rotation ever
08:34But it does make you wonder what policies might reform be planning that would appeal to a billionaire
08:39Meanwhile Farage also spouted a whole bunch of figures this week that were patently untrue
08:44Firstly, he said a million people in the UK can't speak English
08:48Bullshit
08:49According to the Office for National Statistics that number is 161,000
08:54He then said 4 million people speak bad English
08:57Bullshit
08:58Less than a quarter of what he said
09:00He also said there are tube signs popping up in foreign languages all over London
09:04No, the truth is there are two places with permanent station names in a foreign language
09:08One's been up since the mid 90s
09:10The other one was put up to commemorate the local community
09:12So the insinuation that multiple tube signs are being erected in foreign languages is
09:17A turd the size of Disneyland Paris
09:22Farage also recently suggested Turkish barbershops were fronts for money laundering and drug running
09:26One establishment in Glasgow responded by putting up these hilarious photos of Farage
09:31With different haircuts in their window in response
09:33There's floppy Farage
09:36Razor Farage
09:37And bum part Farage
09:40I genuinely had that haircut at secondary school
09:44Really? Yeah
09:45Yeah
09:46But I didn't have the same views as him at secondary school
09:48When you see all three
09:49Oh yeah, go
09:50I just think that that haircut
09:52The curtains one
09:53He's never
09:54He's never
09:54Because that looks like the sort of products you'd have to use
09:56And it's like
09:58Tresemme
09:58L'Oreal
09:59Timote
09:59He doesn't want to lie near you coffers
10:02He wants to wash that with Carlin
10:03I mean all three of them together look like members of a boy band
10:07But a boy band that's currently being investigated
10:11If you're wondering what Nigel Farage's boy band would be called
10:14My guess is it'd be Islam is ruining the Westlife
10:18Well either that or NSYNC the boats
10:21Now as we mentioned earlier
10:22Keir Starmer jumped at the chance to criticise the Jim Ratcliffe
10:25And after the week he's had
10:26Why not?
10:27Owen said
10:27Is it okay that everyone including the Labour Party
10:29Admits that Keir Starmer is leaning over a precipice
10:31And everyone is behind him
10:33Yeah
10:34It's not been a great week for the Prime Minister
10:36In fact it's been a
10:38Starmer Llama Ding Dong
10:40On Sunday
10:41Starmer's closest advisor Morgan McSweeney
10:43Was forced to resign
10:44After taking some of the blame
10:45For Peter Mandelson's appointment as US ambassador
10:47Who by the way
10:48Has now been asked to go to the US
10:50To testify in the Epstein case
10:51This was a huge blow for McSweeney
10:53Because he's the guy who
10:54Masterminded Starmer's leadership
10:56And helped him win the election
10:57It's got to be tough to create someone
11:00Be entirely responsible for their success
11:02Then see them turn against you
11:03Am I right Victoria Beckham?
11:09Meanwhile Starmer's director of communications
11:10Left number 10 this week
11:11And overnight his cabinet secretary Chris Wormald
11:14Was also removed
11:15His team currently has more missing pieces
11:17Than me and Alex
11:20I just
11:20The figure figure
11:22Obviously like
11:22Morgan McSweeney's kind of
11:23He's resigned
11:24Because Keir Starmer's like
11:25Well he's advised
11:26They advised me
11:27Yeah
11:27To appoint Peter Mandelson
11:28But I just
11:29I think when you're prime minister
11:31You can't really use the excuse
11:33But he told me to do it
11:34You know what I mean
11:35No one's going to
11:36Well would Morgan McSweeney
11:37Jump off a cliff
11:38Would you Keir?
11:39I just
11:39I totally agree
11:40No exactly
11:41I was going to say
11:43For example
11:44It's the same as like
11:45If I shit myself
11:47Here now
11:48And Josh had to resign
11:51I mean
11:51I'd be delighted to leave
11:56On Monday
11:57The Scottish Labour leader
11:58Anna Asawa
11:59Called for the prime minister to step down
12:01Starmer apparently managed to persuade members of his party
12:04To rally around him
12:05And show their support
12:06One MP said it was a quote
12:08Tweet or we'll have your fingers moment
12:11Why are you looking at me?
12:13Oh look
12:14I can say
12:15The whole
12:15I regret getting work experience with the Labour party
12:19On Monday night
12:20On Monday night
12:23Starmer gathered a group of MPs together
12:25And gave a speech that was described as so rousing
12:26It led to a standing ovation
12:28He was quoted as saying
12:29This is Keir Starmer
12:30I've won every fight I've been in
12:32And then added
12:33As long as I have breath in my body
12:35I'll be in that fight
12:36On behalf of the country that I love and believe in
12:39Oh my word
12:39I know
12:40Move over Jacob Elordi
12:41There's a new Heathcliff in town
12:43Apparently Keir Starmer is quite inspiring behind closed doors
12:47People who know him say he's charismatic
12:49He's forceful, he's passionate
12:50So when are we going to see that happen in front of some open doors?
12:54Why is the country's best kept secret that the Prime Minister has a personality?
12:58I've done
12:59Very rare in life do you have someone go
13:01By the way, you know the way that you act behind closed doors?
13:04You should do that in public
13:09Keir Starmer going
13:10Oh yeah, you what?
13:11The party trick when I win?
13:12No, no, no, no
13:13The inspirational speaks
13:15Some people said this week the only thing that saved Keir Starmer was that no one was ready to take
13:19over
13:20While Angela Rayner is still on hold to HMRC
13:22The Guardian said that a website that seemed to be for Angela Rayner's leadership campaign
13:27Briefly went live in January
13:29We're assuming the tagline was when the country's in a bad situation ask for Angela
13:34Meanwhile
13:37Yeah, just the women laughing at that
13:40Meanwhile I don't get it
13:42Meanwhile it's alleged that someone from within Labour was briefing against the Prime Minister this week
13:47One insider said this is a quote we know who it is and it rhymes with Les Weeting
13:54It's like one of those radio quizzes with a really easy question
13:59Wes Reading also made his text messages with Peter Mandelson public to prove they weren't close friends
14:03But that doesn't
14:04Like basically what he it was a load of like boring text messages shows
14:08And basically what he was going is see we're not mates
14:10I didn't even put a kiss on the end of that
14:13Imagine if someone published your text messages to prove that you weren't friends with them
14:19That is hard
14:20If Brooker published my text messages and went see no chemistry
14:25Yeah
14:29So to sum up the Prime Minister has had one of the roughest weeks of his political career
14:33Now to bring that bad week to life
14:35Would you please welcome our Keir Starmer look-alike DJ Starmer
14:50It's been a while
14:51It has yeah
14:52Were you worried this week that you might be out of a job?
14:55Well I'm doing better than Starmer in life
14:57But basically worried about my look-alike career going down the pan
15:00Because thanks to Starmer but
15:01I mean the way it's going this might be the last time we see you on the show
15:04It could well be
15:05So with that in mind can you please put your goggles on?
15:07I will
15:08Yeah
15:09Well correct mate
15:10You boys ready?
15:11Yeah
15:11Okay we got them from your dad who's a tool maker by the way
15:14Thanks Dad
15:15So let's sum up Keir Starmer's week
15:18Keir Starmer came to power on top of a red wall but right now he's a little on edge
15:23Can you move back to the edge?
15:25Right on the edge
15:25Right
15:26That's it perfect
15:28Recently though he's had to face a lot of political mudslinging
15:30Oh
15:31Oh
15:32Oh
15:33I didn't mean to let go
15:35I didn't mean
15:35It slipped out of my hand
15:37I'm so sorry
15:43Jesus
15:45It slipped
15:46When have you ever been too strong for this show?
15:51I've been working out
15:52Oh God
15:54Use the spoon
15:55Fling the mud mate
15:56Let's move on from the mud
15:58Okay
15:59That was the worst thing that's ever happened to me
16:03The leader of the Scottish party however left him hung out to dry
16:09Go go keep flinging mud
16:10The Prime Minister saw off the challenge but it still left him with egg on his face
16:14Egg on his face
16:22The Labour party have now spent the week putting out fires all around Keir Starmer
16:32But it's inevitable that he's going to get caught in the middle
16:35All of which leaves the Prime Minister in a very sticky situation
16:40Sticky situation
16:44Because if he's not careful he's either going to have to fall on his sword
16:48Or he's going to get pushed over the precipice
17:02One thing we know about Keir Starmer though
17:04He won't go easy
17:06Because according to him
17:07He's won every fight he's ever been in
17:18Oh sweet Jesus
17:21Fucking hell
17:23Alright
17:23It's time to introduce tonight's guest
17:26He was brilliant on succession
17:27They're amazing on percussion
17:28Please welcome actor Brian Cox
17:30And musical comedy duo
17:31Flo and Jones
17:37You're right
17:38It's insane
17:41Welcome
17:41Hey
17:42Welcome
17:43Welcome
17:45Have a seat
17:46Have a seat
17:47Have a seat
17:49Have a seat
17:54Alright welcome to you all
17:57Brian let's start with you
17:58What have you made of Labour's week?
18:01Jesus Christ
18:02Where do I begin?
18:04I mean there used to be a thing called socialism
18:06Mm-hmm
18:07And it seems to be missing from the Labour Party
18:10And I think somebody should reinvent it
18:13I think
18:14I've got a few ideas about who should reinvent it
18:16But of course none of them are part of the party
18:18In fact the guy I think who should be doing it
18:21Was not allowed to stand for some ordinary reason
18:24Yeah
18:24In the recent by-election
18:26Which I thought was rather disgraceful
18:28Because he's done a fantastic job in Manchester
18:31And that's Andy Burnham
18:33A bit of
18:34Yeah
18:36I think
18:37You know he
18:38He to me is the sort of leader in waiting
18:40As far as I'm concerned
18:42And what about you guys
18:43What did you think of Labour's week?
18:46What Brian said
18:50Are we gonna have this all evening?
18:54That's what you're saying
18:54Please don't agree with me
18:56Look there is now a list of names being put forward
18:58As possible replacements for Keir Starmer
19:00So Brian the last time you were on
19:02You were very forthright in giving your opinion
19:04So I'm gonna hold them up
19:06And I just want a one word appraisal of each of them
19:08Right
19:08If you don't mind
19:09Firstly Angela Rayner
19:11I actually quite like Angela Rayner
19:13One word, one word, it's gotta be one word
19:15Oh, fine
19:18Where's Streeting?
19:20Er
19:20That's a word
19:21That can be a word
19:22Lucy Powell
19:24Yeah
19:26When she's got the noises
19:27John Healey
19:29I don't know
19:30Oh sorry
19:31I
19:31No, don't know
19:34Don't
19:35Ed Miliband
19:36Dear
19:36Dear
19:37Okay, and finally
19:39Al Carnes
19:41It sounds like a singer
19:45Hello, this is Al Carnes
19:46I kinda feel like quoting Smokey with this one
19:50And saying Al Carnes
19:51Who the fuck is Al Carnes?
19:53Angela Rayner gave a speech by the way this week in which she called on the government to establish what
19:57some are calling a Minister for Nightlife
19:59Now we're talking
20:02I'm gonna be honest, this has been slow going tonight
20:04This has been a lot of heavy politics
20:06As soon as I said Minister for Nightlife your eyes lit up
20:09Yeah, it was one job in Parliament I'd want
20:12I've had it on a Stag Do t-shirt before
20:15I've had the one Giger in the Cabinet meeting who's asleep
20:19And McDonald's arrives at PMQs at midday for the Minister for Nightlife
20:23The Minister for Nightlife has been petitioning the Chancellor to take off that from Paracetamon and Lucas
20:28I think it's fine
20:30And look, there are some genuine concerns about the Prime Minister
20:33And we're gonna ask you guys, Flo and Joan, if you would just head over and prepare yourselves
20:36Because we've got something that we think might help
20:38There are genuine concerns about how the Prime Minister is dealing with all this
20:41Some MPs are saying he's not sleeping
20:44A few have said they've noticed him online in the early hours
20:48Classic Minister for Nightlife
20:51He's up doing all his rousing speeches, isn't he?
20:54His missus is like, it's fucking four o'clock you prick, go to sleep
20:58So maybe what the Prime Minister needs is a little relaxation therapy
21:02Take it away Flo and Joan
21:07Hands where I can see him
21:10Lay back, close your eyes and relax
21:13Feel the stress leaving your body
21:17Breathe in
21:18And as you excel, don't worry that the national debt is 2.8 trillion
21:24Forget that you knowingly appointed a sex trafficking pedos friend as a US ambassador
21:28Let go of the fact Andy Burnham wants your job
21:32And Angela Rayner wants your job
21:35And Wes Streeting wants your job
21:38Remember you've united the country
21:41Cause they all want you to resign
21:44Visualise yourself on a beach
21:46Where you don't need binoculars to see how far Nigel Farage is ahead in the polls
21:51And let go of being less popular than treading in dog shit barefoot
21:56Oh, and by the way
21:58The national debt is now 3.1 trillion
22:02So relax
22:05Now, fuck off and sleep
22:16We'll have all our sleep for you after the break as Britain gets wet wet wet and the Winter Olympics
22:20get snowed under
22:21But we'll see you in a little bit
22:22We'll see you in a little bit
22:51I'll tell you what though
22:52I'm glad our legs aren't made of wood these days
22:54Cause we'd have had a stinker with it
22:58It's so it's rained it I live in Devon
22:59It's rained every single day
23:01Yep
23:01In Devon
23:02Yep
23:02In the whole year
23:04Yes
23:04That's it
23:05Yes, that's what I just said
23:05I know
23:06But how?
23:08Didn't you just say that?
23:09I didn't
23:10No, he said
23:11I've never listened to you
23:11No, you said
23:13Somewhere in the UK
23:14Oh, you're saying
23:15But I'm just saying the same place
23:16Or just wherever I am
23:17I'm the guy from the Travis song
23:18That's who I am
23:19Right
23:21What do you
23:22It always rains from him
23:24That guy
23:24Oh
23:25I didn't
23:26You don't need to turn round to him
23:31Rosie, Nicola, how do you guys feel about all of this?
23:33I mean, it's a terrible start to the year for the Wicked Witch community, isn't it?
23:39To check out Suella Braverman or someone, I think
23:42Residents of Aberdeen saw the sun yesterday for the first time since January the 21st
23:481979
23:52Why do you think it's so wet, Alex?
23:54Well, I mean, I think it's twofold actually, Adam
23:57I think, well, the first reason is there's actually at the moment
24:00There's a powerful jet stream that's going through the Atlantic
24:04And it's actually sitting more southerly than what it normally would
24:07So it's acting like a conveyor belt
24:09Propelling low-pressure systems towards us rather than above us
24:13But what's compounding that
24:14And this is why we've had so much bad weather stuck here
24:16Is that in North East Europe, there's a massive area of high pressure
24:21Which is stopping all the low-pressure weather systems
24:23Passing up through the north of England and into Scandinavia as they normally would
24:28So basically what they are is they're just stuck where they are
24:31And that's why we've seen such inclement weather over the course of the year
24:43That's total bollocks
24:47I always wanted to be a weatherman
24:50But no one ever knew where on the map I was pointing
24:58Well, thank God you weren't
25:05Yes
25:05And people have been saying to you, don't you wish you were still in Australia at the moment
25:08But were you there when it was incredibly hot?
25:10Oh, it's fantastic
25:11It was really great
25:14I mean, the thing was though
25:16Shall I tell you about the incident this evening?
25:19Oh, yes
25:19What happened to me?
25:21So I got, I've been, I took so many days to come here from Australia
25:27It's a long way away and it took me, I flew 16 hours from Brisbane to Singapore
25:34I had a seven hour wait in Singapore for a connection to London
25:38Oh
25:38And that was another so many hundreds of hours
25:41So today I sat down ready to do this show of an evening in my apartment
25:48And I fell asleep
25:50And I woke up, there was bells ringing and doors hammering and everything
25:55And I woke up and I thought it was Sunday morning
25:58And I thought, why are they calling me at quarter to eight on a Sunday morning?
26:03And they realised that I was supposed to come here
26:09And the driver said, well it's not my job to tell you when you're supposed to come
26:13I said, well I'm sorry but I've been somewhat jet-lagged by what's going on
26:17Understood
26:17Do you know what though?
26:19The day after I left Australia it was 45 degrees in Melbourne
26:22I know
26:23Which I don't think we, and this is what global warming looks like
26:25It's massively hot days and loads and loads of rain
26:28And then there's a load of people who kind of wonder how global warming can also make the planet wetter
26:32So, I'm going to explain this really simply
26:35As the planet warms up, more water evaporates
26:38That water forms clouds, which then comes down as more rain
26:41So as the planet gets hotter, the wet parts get wetter and the dry parts get drier
26:44Much like when you get older
26:48That's brilliantly logical
26:49Thank you very much
26:52See, he didn't like you, he's on my side
26:55Alright, let's get into royal news
26:57That's not how hosting works
27:00Let's get into, imagine if that happened on Graham Norton
27:03I don't think he likes you, he likes me
27:05I thought, I thought we were getting the Brian Cox that likes science
27:12Well lucky you that you didn't
27:16Let's get into royal news now
27:17The Sun claimed this week that the Andrew formerly known as Prince
27:20Was loaned to 12 million pounds by his parents and brother
27:24To pay off the woman who accused him of sexual assault, Virginia Giffray
27:27The King has denied he contributed but it does appear
27:30Seven million was lent to Andrew by the Queen
27:32Another three million came from Prince Philip
27:34Geez, they can't
27:36I tell you what though, that's your birthday and Christmas hush money put together
27:38That is three million pound coins taped into a birthday card
27:44Meanwhile, The King was heckled about Andrew this week during a royal visit to Clitheroe Railway Station
27:49It led to a very enthusiastic translation from a BSL interpreter
27:53As Wales are in Saudi-Irania, The King is meeting the public in Lancashire
27:58How long have you known about Andrew and Andrew today?
28:02The affair continues to pass a crown over official engagements
28:06Thank you for coming
28:07To be fair, it is hard to sign his name now because you have to sign Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor
28:15Otherwise it would have been easy for me
28:19Hey, Winter Olympics news
28:21Good news for Team GV
28:23Just over an hour ago, Matt Weston competed in the skeleton
28:26I don't know if everyone in the audience knows, took out gold
28:38Congratulations, Matt
28:39Unfortunately we can't show you the footage because we don't have the rights
28:42So instead we're going to show you this tense footage of Snoop Dogg on a sledge
28:47Like this
28:48Just like this
28:48Just like that?
28:48Yeah
28:49You can even make gestures into it if you want
28:53Like this?
28:58Oh s***
28:59Oh s***
29:00Oh s***
29:02Oh s***
29:03Oh s***
29:04Oh s***
29:09S***
29:10That is great
29:12That is the Winter Olympics
29:14Rappers doing sledging
29:16Yeah
29:16Just rappers playing in the snow
29:18LL Cool J pissing his name in the snow
29:20That's what I want to see
29:21I love watching videos of dogs playing in the snow as well
29:24They're like my favourite content
29:27Normally the dogs are in front of the sledge though
29:29Yeah, not being kicked down the hill
29:31Um, Brian have you been watching the games?
29:34No
29:40I've been in fucking Australia
29:42I've got to be mad
29:43I'm so sorry
29:44He's been in mid-air for four days
29:48And GB still have a few chances for gold in the sport everyone loves for two weeks
29:51Then forgets about for four years curling
29:53Oh yes
29:54I love curling
29:55Like is it
29:56I get so excited when I realise curling's coming back again
29:59Love it
29:59Even the preparations for the event look cool
30:01One worker was filmed in this incredible clip this week
30:04Preparing the ice with the backing of some very appropriate music
30:19We showed that clip earlier today
30:20Before the show
30:22And one of our camera people over here
30:23Mike
30:24Not the other Mike
30:25The other Mike
30:27It's his brother
30:28That was his brother in that clip
30:35Look the thing about curling though
30:36It's very hard to do at home
30:38Uh, although these people seen in this delightful footage found a very inventive way to play with saucepans
30:44Cool bad boys, bad boys
30:46What you gonna do?
30:47Or what you gonna do?
30:48When they come for you
30:50Bad boys, bad boys
30:51What you gonna do?
30:52Uh, that of course gave us an idea to do this
31:08We've got a target
31:09We've got some saucepans
31:10We're gonna try and push them along the ground
31:11I just realised when I saw you before the show
31:14Yeah
31:14In the stairwell
31:15You said
31:15I love this show
31:17Because it's fucking insane
31:21And we're now about
31:22By the way
31:22This isn't jet lag
31:23You are really about to make it
31:27Do I do it with my foot?
31:29Well, we're gonna get Josh to clean the way
31:30Oh, do you want me to clean the way?
31:32Yeah, clean the way
31:33As the guy in the clip
31:34Okay, hit the music
31:44All clear
31:45All right
31:47Uh, yeah, Brian, do you wanna go first?
31:49You can use your foot
31:50Or you can use your hand
31:51Whatever you'd rather
31:51It needs a hefty go, by the way
31:54Oh!
31:57Forgive me, can I do that again, please?
32:00Yes, because I'm scared of you
32:04I was talking
32:05Oh, there is felt
32:06Okay
32:11Oh!
32:13Would you prefer your first option?
32:17Good luck, girls
32:18Thank you
32:19That felt sarcastic, Brian
32:25Oh!
32:27One breath
32:28All right
32:29I'm gonna
32:29I'm gonna
32:30I'm gonna get down on my knee for this
32:32I think this is the way to do it
32:33Ready?
32:35Oh!
32:36Oh!
32:38Oh!
32:40You caught on the scoring thing
32:42Okay
32:42Can I go anywhere?
32:44Yeah, go on
32:45Cause I wanna...
32:45Okay
32:46Are you gonna...
32:48Oh!
32:50Wow
32:51You're leading!
32:54This is great!
32:56Go again
32:57Yes, you may
32:58Please do
33:05I'm gonna go on
33:07I don't know
33:07I don't know
33:07I don't know
33:10I don't know
33:51I don't know
33:54A little bit
33:58You both discovered
34:00You both discovered you have a weird Valentine's coincidence this afternoon
34:03Too right, yeah
34:04Yes, we both ended up in the same bed together
34:08Um, yeah, so
34:09Alex was telling me about his most depressing Valentine's Day ever
34:12Well, I enjoyed it
34:14Uh, so
34:14In 2007
34:16Um, Arsenal had Bolton away in an FA Cup replay
34:19And I thought it'd be
34:20I wanted to go
34:21And it was Valentine's Day
34:22So
34:22I took my ex along with me
34:24Your then?
34:25She was my then girlfriend
34:26Yeah
34:27Um, and I took her along with me
34:28To
34:29To
34:29The Reebok Arena as it was then
34:31To watch Bolton-Arsenal
34:32Um, we weren't together the following Valentine's Day
34:36And I
34:37I was like, no way
34:38The most depressing Valentine's Day I ever had
34:41Mm-hmm
34:41Was 2007
34:42Where I stayed at home on my own
34:44And watched Arsenal v Bolton
34:48Uh, Rosie Nicola
34:51Fans of, um, Valentine's Day
34:53I mean, I don't really have a lot of success with it
34:55Because I'm, uh
34:56I'm, I'm very short
34:58And I find that people sort of don't really
35:00Approach me or hit on me very much
35:01If I'm like in bars or anything
35:02Because I think they're sort of scared that I'm
35:04Um, maybe a child that's been planted by the police to catch paedophiles
35:12Especially now it's got worse actually in the last few months
35:15So, uh
35:16It's not very nice
35:17It means that you then have to go and like approach the person
35:19And it's not very sexy to sort of
35:20Tug on the bottom of someone's coat
35:22And be like, please can I buy you a drink?
35:24Like it's not, uh, it's not for me
35:25Look, we are spending Valentine's Day
35:27Next to our sister
35:28On a couch
35:29Surrounded by men
35:31Hmm
35:31And we all know how that porn video ends
35:39This is the first, this is going to be a good year I can feed it
35:41Yeah
35:41Uh, now Brian, one of our producers spoke to you during the week and asked you your thoughts on Valentine's
35:46Day
35:47Can you remember what you said?
35:48I can't remember because I've just come back from Australia
35:51Your answer was so poetic, Alex loved it and had it put on a card
35:55What did I say?
35:56Okay
35:56So you actually said, I have nothing to offer about Valentine's Day, absolutely fuck all
36:06Which I think is, uh, I just think this would be the best selling Valentine's card of all time
36:14And I, I haven't got one yet
36:15Well, I have an interesting fact about Valentine's, which is, a lot of people don't know, but, uh, there was
36:20a card company in Dundee that my aunt worked for called Valentine's
36:26And they started the Valentine cards
36:28No!
36:29So it started up, where, there, and that, that, they started this idea of sending out these cards on Valentine's
36:34Day
36:35Oh my
36:35Because they thought we were called Valentine, let's send a Valentine card
36:37And now you're profiting from it
36:39Exactly
36:40It really ain't because I'm having this one
36:42Uh, other people profiting from it this week, we're kind of profiting
36:45The Old Triggum branch of the RSPCA are running their own Valentine's Day promotion to raise money to neuter stray
36:51cats
36:51For a small donation, you can name a stray cat after your ex, and they'll neuter it
37:00There's an Alex that's been neutered
37:03That's for Bolton versus Arsenal
37:05Uh, for what it's worth, we tried to name one Wes Streeting just for Keir Starmer, um, but contacted them
37:11and they said Keir Starmer beat us to it
37:14Do you get to keep the balls?
37:18I'll take my arms are off here, thank you
37:20Um, alright, it's time to bring on this week's mystery guest
37:22Uh, Brian, Flo, Joan, uh, have to work out, well, Rosie, Nicola
37:26Oh, whatever, French and Saunders, Mitchell and Webb, we don't care
37:30We have to work out how this person related to the news, can we have the mystery guest, please?
37:34Oh, oh, oh, oh
37:37cheated
37:37Do you get a...
37:48Josh, Alex, who is the mystery guest? This is Kobe, and he is eight.
37:53The one on the left.
37:55Why has he been in the news this week? Can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?
38:02Is it because, A, after being selected to represent Europe at an international pool competition,
38:08he will be the youngest ever disabled player to take part at an international level?
38:12Is it, B, after being hired by Radio 1 for the early breakfast slot, he became Britain's youngest ever DJ?
38:19Or is it, C, after setting up an account dealing in rare legami pens, he became Britain's youngest eBay millionaire?
38:27What are your first thoughts?
38:28If you're a millionaire, you wouldn't spend your night here.
38:37You are very careful what you say.
38:42Tell you what, we'll reveal the mystery guest after the break,
38:45and Flo and Joan are going to close the show with a song for Valentine's Day.
38:50We'll see you in a little bit.
39:03Welcome back to Last Leg, we're joined by Brian Cox and Flo and Joan.
39:07Before the break, we challenged our guests to work out how this person was connected to the news.
39:11Can we have the options again, please?
39:15Yes, so this is Kobe and his dad, Luke, but why has Kobe been in the news this week?
39:19Is it because he was selected to represent Europe at an international pool competition,
39:23which means he'll be the youngest ever disabled player to take part at an international level?
39:27Is it because he was hired by Radio 1 for the early breakfast slot and became Britain's youngest ever DJ?
39:32Or is it because he set up an account dealing in rare legami pens and has become Britain's youngest eBay
39:39millionaire?
39:40What do you think?
39:42I think it's the DJ.
39:45I think you would absolutely smoke me at snooker, so I think it's that.
39:51That's not a hard challenge, but I believe that an eight-year-old could do that to me.
39:55And I'd just like to apologise to all the millionaires in the room.
40:01All right.
40:03What's Ryan said?
40:05Mystery guest, can you please reveal the correct answer?
40:12Go on.
40:14What are you?
40:15I'm a pool player.
40:17Yes.
40:18Oh, there you go.
40:22Come on, Monica.
40:24I'm really ashamed.
40:25He's a pool player.
40:26Nice.
40:27Nice.
40:30How long have you been playing?
40:32He's a pool player.
40:32How long have you been playing for, Kobe?
40:34Two years.
40:35Two years?
40:36You've already made it.
40:38I've been playing for years, and I'm sure...
40:40Oh, no, I can't say that word.
40:42Mate.
40:44You do a parenting podcast as well.
40:48What's your favourite shot, Kobe?
40:50I like the middle pocket.
40:53The middle pocket.
40:54Yeah, it's easier as well.
40:55Now, you are wearing a pool t-shirt, but we have made up a little last leg shirt for you
41:00as well,
41:01as a gift that you can take away.
41:08We've also got some last leg balls.
41:11There you go.
41:13And on top of that, we've got a message for you from three-time world champion Mark Williams.
41:20Hi, Kobe.
41:21Mark Williams here.
41:24I've seen you've been selected to play in the Nations Cup in Gibraltar.
41:28I'd just like to wish you all the best.
41:31Play well.
41:33Pot them balls.
41:34Let me know how you get on.
41:36And then when you finish, perhaps we can meet up.
41:39I mean, you can have a few frames of pull.
41:42Anyway, all the best.
41:43Good luck.
41:44Keep in touch.
41:44See you soon.
41:45Go get them.
41:51Let's give it up for Kobe.
41:58Kobe's not standing.
42:00Uh, Josh has been challenging the leadership of the last seven days.
42:03What have you got?
42:04Ah, would you see, like, from one Welsh sports star to another, would you like to see a delightful
42:09clip of Wales striker John Hartson trying his best on the weakest link?
42:14Yes.
42:16In past times, which video game console launched by Sony in 1994 is now often referred to as
42:22the PS1?
42:25P.
42:26PlayStation.
42:30I was just down from him on that show.
42:34And then he'd go in there and go, I'm really worried I'm going to get voted out first here.
42:37And as soon as I saw him do that, I was like, get up there.
42:42Now, we've obviously mastered saucepan curling tonight.
42:45Yep.
42:45Would you like to see amazing footage of someone giving proper curling a go on the ice to prove
42:51that actually it's very easy?
42:52Yes, please.
43:08We've got one more clip.
43:09Yes.
43:10Would you like to see an adorable clip of a little boy who doesn't know his own strength?
43:15Yes.
43:15Let's have a look.
43:17Recently, though, he's had to face a lot of political mudslinging.
43:20Oh!
43:21Oh!
43:23I didn't mean to let go!
43:24I didn't mean...
43:25It slipped out of my hand!
43:28I'm so sorry!
43:31All right, we are about to end the show with a Valentine's Day song from Flo and Joan,
43:35but before we do, would you please thank our guests, Brian Cox!
43:41And Flo and Joan!
43:45And my co-host, Josh Whittacombe!
43:48And Alex Brooker!
43:52We'll be back next week with comedians Aisling Vee, Bridget Christie and Chloe Petz,
43:56but right now, this is Flo and Joan with a song for Valentine's Day.
44:01Thanks for watching the last link.
44:01My name's Adam Hills.
44:02We'll see you next week for the next link.
44:09Now, it's Valentine's weekend so a lot of you will be going on dates
44:12and if you're lucky you'll have someone to go home with.
44:15Some of you won't be so lucky so you'll be walking yourself home.
44:18This is a song for those people.
44:21My friends, I'm in a pickle
44:24Each time I'm walking home
44:28Someone jumps out the darkness
44:31Tries to steal me for their own
44:35Now I don't think that it's my problem
44:39But here's some sound advice
44:44This is what I do to stop myself being murdered on a cold dark night
44:50Or a warm dark night
44:51Or a warm light night
44:53Or a cold light night
44:54Or a rainy warm light dark night
44:56Or the middle of the day
44:59Put your keys in your fingers like Wolverine
45:01Shake them around like a tambourine
45:04Pick up the pace like you're in a marching band
45:08Look over your shoulder on every step
45:11Practice your scream and don't forget
45:13To glue some leaves on your pretty little head
45:16To camouflage like a bush
45:18Cause from the sunset to the setting sun
45:24A woman's walk is never done
45:28Life's for living but don't have too much fun
45:33Cause darling don't forget
45:36Don't forget
45:37A woman's walk is never done
45:40And if none of the above works
45:42You could dress up like a blueberry
45:45And run around screaming
45:47I'm a blueberry
45:48Put big bells on your hands
45:50And skip skip through the darkness
45:52Eat from the bins, dance with the cats
45:55No one's gonna wanna come near that
45:57You'll be known forever as the blueberry woman
46:00But it's better than being dead
46:03Also remember to carry a big handbag
46:05With a big brick, small brick, long stick, ice pick
46:08Nail clippers, baggy kippers, one big shoe
46:10Air spray, pepper spray, silly spray, charlie red
46:13Cause if you're gonna die you might as well smell nice
46:15One big firework, a heavy piano
46:17A great big fat fucking big fat marrow
46:19Add an old tissue
46:21Cause what's a handbag without an old tissue?
46:24When you're walking down the road
46:27Talk loudly on your phone
46:29And say that you're about to do a murder
46:34And the killer behind you
46:36Will shit his friggin' pants
46:38And they'll run away
46:40And you're like that buzz
46:42And now you're in
46:45The shoes of a killer
46:47Before you know it
46:49You're doing the murders
46:51Now all the women walking home
46:54Are scared of you
46:55And that
46:56Is
46:58Family time
47:01Cause from the sunset
47:03To the setting sun
47:06A woman's walk is never done
47:09Life's fun living
47:11But don't have too much fun
47:14Cause darling don't forget
47:16Don't forget
47:17A woman's walk is never done
47:21A woman's walk is never done
47:25A woman's walk is never done
47:31A woman's walk is never done
47:32A woman's walk is never done
47:32A woman's walk is never done
47:33A woman's walk is never done
47:33A woman's walk is never done
47:33A woman's walk is never done
47:33A woman's walk is never done
47:33A woman's walk is never done
47:34A woman's walk is never done
47:35A woman's walk is never done
47:35A woman's walk is never done
47:36A woman's walk is never done
47:36A woman's walk is never done
47:38A woman's walk is never done
47:38A woman's walk is never done
47:39A woman's walk is never done
47:39A woman's walk is never done
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