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00:28Satsang with Mooji
00:33All right, Webster.
00:35And finally, dogs.
00:38I just wish they'd bring bat wings back in fashion again.
00:43The quirky canine compadres are not our amigos, Lily.
00:48If you see one, jump up behind a letterbox, withdraw.
00:52Now, I've printed off a few bullet points, re-health and safety, for the paper round.
00:58Victor.
00:59Right.
01:00How do I look?
01:03Well, we not lose you in a pea-super.
01:06Now, you've got your papers?
01:07Yes.
01:10Once more, unto the breach, dear friends, once more, good luck, Lily.
01:15May the delivery gods be with thee.
01:18Thanks.
01:19See you later.
01:20Ooh!
01:21What a lovely jerkin.
01:23Is Lily your new paper girl?
01:25How on earth did you guess?
01:26Oh, I do have somewhat of a sixth sense when it comes to these things.
01:31Ooh!
01:32What's that, Bri-Bri?
01:33Oh!
01:34It's a, er...
01:36Very rare edition of The Woman in White.
01:40Tights.
01:41Sorry?
01:41I read a book once called The Woman in White Tights.
01:45It's about a woman who wore white tights.
01:50No.
01:51It's the famous book by Wilkie Collins.
01:54Oh!
01:55Imagine calling your kid Wilkie, Rita.
01:57You may as well stick a sign on his head saying, go on then, bully me.
02:01Well, you know...
02:01The Woman in White is a very famous book.
02:04Well, if it's anything like The Woman in White Tights, it will be a huge disappointment.
02:10Now, Rita, before Brian bores us to death with any further literary pretensions,
02:14I wondered whether or not you cared to join me for a snifter or two later in the bistro.
02:19Brian, is my programme on tonight?
02:21No, it's tomorrow.
02:22Oh, well, that's very nice, don't you?
02:25I can't believe you've never heard of The Woman in White, Mary.
02:28Yeah, and I can't believe you've never heard of The Woman in White Tights.
02:32Ciao, Rita.
02:33I'll film up a time later via text.
02:35I must dash.
02:36I need to bleach my splash bags.
02:41That's all gone through.
02:43So, come on then.
02:44How is she?
02:46Well, if I'm missing her, I don't know how you must be feeling.
02:49Well, erm...
02:50She seems OK.
02:51She's holding up OK, despite everything, you know.
02:53Bless her.
02:55Yeah.
02:55Will you give her my love next time you talk to her?
02:57Yeah, of course.
02:58Me and Kev are going to go and see her later.
03:01Hey, Bernie, listen.
03:02Has, erm...
03:03Debbie ever...
03:04Has she ever said anything to you about...
03:07About what?
03:07Carl.
03:08Carl?
03:09In what way?
03:11Well, nothing out of the ordinary, you know,
03:13except that she's always been really fond of him.
03:16Oh, hello.
03:17Speak of the Devil.
03:19Are you taking my name in vain?
03:21Oh, here he is, the Walter Mitty of Weatherfield.
03:25Never heard of him, mate.
03:26I'm not your mate.
03:27And I'll wipe that smirk off your face in a minute.
03:31Actually, thinking about it is,
03:33as you're married to my mum,
03:34I might start calling you...
03:36Don't even think about it.
03:38You know I'll get the truth from Debbie,
03:39and when I do,
03:41I'll have you.
03:42Bang.
03:43Going.
03:49It's not right.
03:51I can't believe that he's dumped me.
03:55He was the one, you know.
03:57He's so lovely, Debbie.
03:58it what did you say it was inside for again aggravated burglary with menaces but he didn't
04:09mean to chop that guy's fingers off his hand just slipped this is you can get really good
04:14plastic hands these days you told me right well it sounds lovely man after me own heart
04:24are you being zaggy of course i am your daft duck what it sounds absolutely atrocious port and do
04:32know what you are better off without him blimey what's going on here then i'm just consoling
04:41mouth almighty hey well you're a bit aren't you you know gob on a stick you are a cheeky
04:50bitch do you know what i am sick at sandra you know i'm sight of you and ask for smell
04:56you need to
04:56invest in a bit of roll on deodorant you you stink ah wait leave her alone you look there's no
05:03point
05:03battering her in getting a longer sentence she insulted me i insulted your ex are you dick or
05:09something paula go somewhere else and chill your boots it's not worth a longer stretch trust me
05:22oh i'm sorry my words seem to be coming out before my mind kicks in but thank you look you've
05:33got to be
05:33careful around women like that they're not your mates i don't know whether it's because i'm in here and
05:41my routine's gone all skew with but i do think i'm getting a lot worse right
05:52i'm not gonna last five minutes am i if i if i keep letting me mouth run away with itself
06:02there we go i think i've got a coleslaw coming no you didn't order coleslaw love it means
06:08cold sore whatever you do don't touch it you think you've got problems i've still not figured
06:12out how i'm gonna get my duke of edinburgh badge oh it's easy as that how's easy well you just
06:17volunteer for a community group or or help an old lady with a shopping oh do you need any shopping
06:24doing burning do you want to wear that omelette oh it's cute oh you don't think you're old
06:30you're still here you're low on low roll i can wait it's just i need a full replenishment otherwise
06:37i get um performance anxiety oh she's a firecracker isn't she i bet she's a screen to live with
06:46oh she don't live with us listen i want to have a little wind-up laugh kind of thing with
06:51her
06:51tell me a secret about her oh the verlin carwells gave her a piggyback in the press club did it
06:57that's amazing i don't want that peter k if she were an animal what kind would she be quick before
07:02she comes back
07:14what are you doing i'm sorry leanne left me a spare key i was looking for somewhere quiet to arise
07:19right okay sorry wow i mean bit of a shock to come out the bathroom and find a lurker you
07:26could
07:27have been anyone yeah i'm so sorry you could have let me know somehow sorry although that being said
07:38i do think it's a good idea to get cramming handing your coursework in late that one time slippery slope
07:44well yeah but i mean make habit of it no red bricks gonna look twice at you right
07:53i have to go out now so well is it all right if i work here then if you let
07:58me know what time you're
07:59gonna be back i'll make sure i'm way gone by then hmm i'll be back by four okay
08:25now i've got brown sauce on it you've got to have brown sauce on a bacon sarnie it's the law
08:32love's young green still stand by what i said earlier you're off your head it's true
08:40is it it is yeah ask yourself fire away ask me anything i am an open book you ask her
08:50you're
08:50the one who's obsessed it's a slight exaggeration come on now spill the tea as an old drag queen
08:56pal of mine used to say you've got a friend who's a drag queen gastric bland pure evil okay so
09:04eva thinks that you made lauren work the other night so she couldn't go out with ollie
09:09that is an outrageous suggestion and yet scarily accurate thank you lauren is not good enough for
09:19my grandson and if you think she is you want your heads testing well with respect ma that's a first
09:25i think it's probably up to ollie who he does and doesn't date lauren is a misery gut single
09:30mother from a bad family and a terrible history with men that might be fine for some people but
09:35not for my grandson well you don't sit on the fence ma you make you splinters in your cheeks
09:41mind you he wouldn't be the first man in this family to be blinded by an airhead bottle blonde with
09:48no concept of modesty
10:12did you see that i did i hope you're not waiting for your delivery of conker monthly yeah well i'm
10:18not a kid
10:19yeah i'm well aware of that so go on tell me sam again what did you let himself into the
10:25flat
10:26while i was on the blue got shook my life what was he sniffing around for we need to stop
10:33him but
10:33we need to be clever have you ever heard of the phrase keep your friends close and your enemies closer
10:38there yeah well i need you to be the good cop to my bad cop you go with that
10:46it's hard to know what to say sometimes isn't it it's right yeah
10:51i suppose small trope's as good as anything
10:57oh my
11:02who did you mind you should see the other fella who was it
11:11it's just a misunderstanding over somerton now but it's all tickety-boo now so no fretting
11:19oh it's lovely to see you
11:24you're all right ronnie you look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders he's fine
11:28and so am i stop worrying about us there is something i i uh i need to ask you actually
11:34and i don't know if this is going to come as a shock to you kevin or not but hey
11:37sounds ominous
11:39and this is so ridiculous this but carl uh well he informed me allegedly that he is your son
11:50give over as if tell him depths tell him you are kidding me
12:00i'm so sorry
12:05can't he's um
12:09he's not your brother
12:12he's your nephew
12:31and that was that really we just all went along with it
12:38i was a child
12:40so i've spent my life being lied to by you
12:44my dad
12:45my dad who used to bang on about my boy carl
12:49my wonderful son and all along
12:53who was his grandson
12:55they're just words kev
12:58you all kept it from me
13:00that must have been hard work
13:02i bet he was all laughing behind me back weren't you day what a mug kevin is for falling for
13:08it
13:08gullible kevin he'll believe in anything
13:10no
13:11he wasn't
13:12i didn't want my dad to move to germany
13:15he said he really fancied that job but all along
13:18kevin
13:18all along
13:20he wanted to run away with you elaine and your grubby little secret right no sorry even when i saw
13:26him
13:26before he died
13:28he never mentioned it he guarded it till a better end
13:33well
13:35maybe he was waiting for me to mention it
13:39even when i was ready
13:42but you lie to yourself long enough
13:45comes true in your head eventually
13:49and i'd buried it hands half deep inside me for what nearly 40 odd years
13:57oh not in a way it meant till one day i don't know
14:01the scales just fall from your eyes and it all just comes tumbling out
14:06so carl knows
14:10yeah yeah i told him but but only recently
14:15that's why you're carrying the can for him
14:18i knew it and you had me think i was going mad
14:21i'm sorry
14:23you're only here because of him
14:26what else could i do tell the truth don't mug me off
14:31you're right i made you think you got it wrong
14:37and i'm so sorry but
14:40i was scared i owe this to cal you know when he said he went to live with elaine well
14:48he had the most horrendous time
14:51he's broken kev and if i hadn't been so selfish if i'd have been a proper mum to him
15:00then
15:03maybe it wouldn't have turned out so bad
15:07okay you've done all this for carl what's it doing to you look here you've been here five minutes you're
15:15black and blue
15:15exactly how could he
15:19i'm all right look i don't care that carl's your son
15:22he shouldn't be putting you through this
15:25it's right
15:25well he's not is he i am
15:28this is my choice it is i could kill him for what he's done to you
15:34you don't mean that oh don't i
15:39she sent me another one who what emily i've told you she keeps sending me spiritual pictures
15:47every day on a text and what's she saying today
15:50well
15:52it's a picture of jesus and he's knocking on a door and it says behold
16:00might need my glasses i thought it was demis russos and have you replied have i replied not yet
16:07will you i usually say very nice oh you want to send her one of those disappointing
16:14affirmations what's that oh you see them online it's a picture of a beach and it says
16:20you'll always be mediocre i can't send that to she's my friend i might send one to jenny because
16:30she's got a good sense of humor what i found shoved in a bin on the precinct property of the
16:35cabin i believe
16:37right right look at that those must be the worst fortune
16:41the lily was in charge of that well wait till i get my hands on her oh you can't say
16:45that nowadays
16:46well listen thanks for returning them hope shoved in a bin you say yeah uh do you think maybe you'd
16:54be able to help me get my dv badge you know because i've done a good deed and all that
16:57i don't think
16:59it's completely badge worthy well yeah but like i have to do some volunteering work so if you ever need
17:04some shopping doing an extra pair of hands if i was wanting to be a lady in waiting to queen
17:07rita
17:09well yes it might be very nice to have a little bit of help every now and then
17:13oh hey mary mary yes oh come here we're nearly there would you like me to walk you to her
17:25uh no no i'll be fine love i'm fine i'm fine oh but do you need a wheelchair then no
17:31yes
17:32a wheelchair to run you over get out of way so lauren did you enjoy that what do you think
17:44of her be
17:45honest here we go no feedback for the chef eh don't avoid the question snap uh well she's nice
17:56right we have a laugh also baby what about it she has one unfortunately you never had a problem
18:05with dd having one lauren is not a solicitor with prospects mind you i'm sure she's done some
18:12soliciting in her time just not of the legal variety come on how do you envisage your life
18:24you're a strapping lad full of beans do you really see yourself stopping in every night doing feeds and
18:30watching the telly uh wouldn't it be more exciting to have spontaneous nights away in spa hotels or
18:37weekend city breaks and far-flung corners of the globe she is a laugh really because from where
18:44i'm sitting she's no marty kane you won't know who that is who told you exactly there's only so much
18:51grown-up fun you can have with an ankle biter following your every move she finds it hard enough
18:57to go child care when she's doing shifts in this place let alone off gallivanting with fellas
19:05i'll say no more on the matter it's your life that you're throwing away
19:15look i know you've chosen to do your mass gcse a year early but i think it's too much
19:19it's not you're overdoing it the stress what force are you can say you got a qualification a
19:24year early i mean who cares i care now leave me alone people aren't serving
19:29right well i haven't finished reading yet you have ah ladies will you be uh dining with us this
19:37afternoon oh just liquid but a nice table wouldn't it go omit yes walk this way you know what i
19:44can't
19:44abide rita it's when somebody says walk this way and then they do a silly walk and expect you to
19:49copy
19:49them i feel like punching them don't you shall i tell you what irritates me what's that reet petite
19:55folk who link me when i haven't asked them oh posh bottle of red nick she's famed
20:10i come in peace how do you mean well you know i know things haven't exactly been the greatest
20:16between you and me guess not well so you know i want us to be mates uh you know we
20:23are practically
20:23family and uh i remember you mentioning a while back uh gig tonight at the new century hall yeah the
20:30place is tribute back yeah i thought we could go together so i've got some tickets
20:59yeah yeah fine i can always
21:01right
21:05what are you playing at do you not understand what you've done my terminate your wife your mother
21:11you've let her do birth for something you did what she told you that you can see the state of
21:16her in
21:17her she's been beaten up and everything yeah i know the feeling don't bring your heart up yeah
21:23listen to me because i hate repeating myself you're gonna do the right thing by debbie
21:28ow you're gonna tell the police the truth get her released because if you don't mate
21:34your life ain't gonna be worth living what you think i'm scared of you muppets no no leave him
21:40ronnie ronnie ronnie leave him you've heard what i've said
22:04my life ain't gonna be worth living what you think i'm scared of me
22:12that's all right
22:13you've been to him
22:13so
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