- 16 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:03The End
00:26While it is true that Mr. Dorfman's cleaning establishment did shrink Mrs. Ferguson's drapes,
00:32it was your responsibility to inform him of the special handling required for this material.
00:39So?
00:39So I find that your claim is not valid. Case dismissed.
00:43Thank you, Ron.
00:45Rotten cleaner.
00:47Shall we recess for lunch, Your Honor?
00:50Oh, I think we have time for one more.
00:53Case 179-348.
00:55Will the parties please step forward?
00:58Pardon me, madam.
01:01I'm here.
01:02Will the other party please step forward?
01:05Who is the other party?
01:07That girl!
01:35Here we go!
02:04I'm sorry I didn't respond before, Your Honor.
02:06I was consulting my evidence.
02:07Would you please state your name?
02:09Anne Marie.
02:11Your Honor, I intend to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that...
02:14Miss Marie, it is customary to introduce both parties before any proving begins.
02:21I'm so sorry, Your Honor.
02:22Would you please state your name?
02:24Arnold Lemming.
02:25Your Honor, she has no right to sue me.
02:28I'm suing her.
02:29I'm aware that there are countersuits, Mr. Lemming,
02:32but I feel that it would be proper to hear from the lady first.
02:35I see that this case involves an automobile accident.
02:40Wasn't the car insured?
02:41Well, yes, it was, Your Honor.
02:43But this particular case involves less than the $50 deductible covered by the policy.
02:48It's $46.53, to be exact.
02:51All right.
02:51Now, could you tell me exactly where you and Mr. Lemming were situated just prior to the accident?
02:59Yes, Your Honor.
03:00The vehicle which I was operating at the exact time of the aforementioned accident
03:04was, at the exact time of the accident, temporarily stationary.
03:07Miss Marie, we have a long calendar.
03:11Please get on with it.
03:12Oh, yes.
03:13Well, my car was stopped at an intersection.
03:16And Mr. Lemming?
03:18He was on the sidewalk.
03:19On the sidewalk?
03:21What sort of a vehicle was he in?
03:23Well, I guess you could say he was in his shoes.
03:27He was a pedestrian.
03:28You ran into a pedestrian?
03:30Oh, no, Your Honor.
03:31The pedestrian ran into me.
03:33A pedestrian ran into your car and caused $50 worth of damage?
03:39$46.53.
03:40I wish at all times to keep the record straight, Your Honor.
03:44Now, maybe you'd better tell us exactly what happened from the beginning.
03:51Well, it all started when my mother gave me this lovely rubber tree plant for my apartment.
03:56You see, she lives out in Brewston, New York, which is about 30 miles out of town.
03:59But since I don't have a car, I had to borrow my boyfriend, Don's.
04:02And he'd come over to my apartment to pick me up to take me to an audition for a part.
04:06Anne.
04:07Anne.
04:08Anne, are you out of your mind?
04:09You want to put a tree in my brand new car?
04:12Oh, Donald, it's just a rubber tree plant, and it's about this high.
04:15Yeah, and about this wide.
04:17Oh, it is not.
04:18It's a very skinny plant.
04:19Yeah, with big, fat leaves that'll fall all over my back seat.
04:23Donald, it only has about six or seven leaves.
04:26Well, Anne, listen, if it's so short and skinny and puny, why do you want it in the first place?
04:30I'm going to nurse it back to health.
04:31Look, my car is not an ambulance for diseased trees.
04:34You make it sound like it's going to bleed all over the upholstery.
04:37Oh, well, Anne, I've hardly had a chance to drive a car myself.
04:40Oh, I'll put newspapers all over the floor.
04:42It isn't even housebroken.
04:43Oh, Donald, please, will you?
04:45It's a present from my mother.
04:46I don't see why you're trying to upset me.
04:48I'm nervous enough as it is about this audition.
04:50Anne, I'm sorry.
04:51The part I hope you get, the plants you don't need.
04:54Oh, Donald, please.
04:58Are you sure there's no other way?
04:59Will you let me have it?
05:00No, I didn't say that.
05:01I just asked if there wasn't another way.
05:02Yeah, but you wouldn't have asked that unless you knew there was no other way.
05:08Anne?
05:10Anne, look, will you be careful?
05:12No, there won't be a single leaf in your car.
05:14I'm not as worried about leaves in the car as I am about dents in the fender.
05:18You know how careful I am.
05:22Anne, I don't want anything to happen to my brand new car.
05:25Oh, Donald, will you stop worrying?
05:27I'm an excellent driver.
05:29I've got 20-20 vision, great reflexes, and perfect coordination.
05:38How you got the car has little bearing on this case.
05:41Oh, I object.
05:43You can't.
05:44Oh.
05:46Well, what can I do to indicate that what you've said is not entirely correct or accurate, sir?
05:54You may object.
05:56Thank you, Your Honor.
05:57Proceed.
05:59With my story or with my objection?
06:01With your objection.
06:03I have outlined this conversation in such detail
06:06so that Your Honor might realize the high degree of responsibility with which I was charged.
06:11Your Honor.
06:13Please proceed.
06:15I was proceeding in a northerly direction,
06:18maintaining a speed well within the limits set forth and prescribed by the judiciary of the city of New York.
06:23Do you usually talk like that?
06:26No, Your Honor.
06:26Just when I'm in court.
06:27Well, I think it would be a little easier for all of us if you just talked like you do
06:33every place else.
06:35I was driving this way and very slowly because, you see, I had the rubber tree plant in the back
06:41of the car.
06:42And, you know, it wasn't as small as I thought it was.
06:44In fact, it's about five feet tall and it has these beautiful green leaves and it's a really very attractive
06:49pot.
06:49Sounds lovely.
06:51Oh, it really is.
06:52May I object, Your Honor?
06:54Yes, you may.
06:55Now, listen, we're wasting an awful lot of time with this jazz about the rubber tree.
06:59I've got a business to conduct and I'd like to get out of here.
07:02Objection sustained.
07:03What did you just do?
07:04Well, Your Honor.
07:05Right is right.
07:06I mean, the plant, though relevant, is really not important here.
07:09What do you think we should do now?
07:11Proceed.
07:12By all means.
07:15Anyway, I was driving back home and being extremely careful because of what I said before.
07:20Not about my boyfriend, but about the plant.
07:49Oh, oh, my gosh.
07:51Oh, oh, sir.
07:53Oh, are you all right?
07:55Are you okay?
07:56Why don't you watch where you're going, lady?
07:58I wasn't going.
07:59You were going.
08:00Listen, can I do anything?
08:01Yeah.
08:02Stay off the streets for the rest of your life.
08:04Oh, just look at my sewing machine.
08:06Oh, is that what it is?
08:08Was.
08:09Was the brand new deluxe super flyer.
08:11Chain stitches, embroiders, buttonholes, everything.
08:14And now it's garbage.
08:15I'm really sorry, but...
08:17Oh, no.
08:19Look what your sewing machine did to Don's car.
08:21Don's car deserves whatever it got.
08:23Oh, officer, I'm so glad you're here.
08:25What seems to be the trouble?
08:26We...
08:27See, we had this collision.
08:28Well, who's driving this car?
08:29I was.
08:30I was.
08:31Well, where's the other vehicle?
08:32Well, it wasn't a vehicle.
08:34It was a sewing machine.
08:36You were driving a sewing machine?
08:38No, no, no, no.
08:39I wasn't driving it.
08:40I'm a salesman.
08:41I was carrying it.
08:43And you collided.
08:44That's right.
08:45That's right.
08:46I better have your license number.
08:48Oh, yes, officer.
08:49It's 4G82H9.
08:524G...
08:5382...
08:5482...
08:54H9.
08:55H9.
08:56And what's your license number?
08:58The sewing machine doesn't have a license number.
09:01Oh, uh, why don't you give him the serial number off the sewing machine?
09:04Heh heh.
09:05All right.
09:083-2-6-9-7-4-3-8-D-11.
09:143...
09:142...
09:15There.
09:16Copy it.
09:18Keep it.
09:19Now, exactly what happened?
09:21I was stopped at the intersection, and he ran into me.
09:25I was crossing the intersection, and you ran into me.
09:28You hit my car broadside with your sewing machine.
09:31I did not.
09:32You did, too.
09:33I did not.
09:34You did, too.
09:35I did not.
09:36You did, too.
09:36I did not.
09:37You did, too.
09:37I did not.
09:38You did, too.
09:39Please, may we have a little order?
09:43I'm sorry, Your Honor, but he did.
09:45I did not.
09:47Didn't.
09:47Didn't.
09:48Didn't.
09:48Didn't.
09:49Miss Moraine, you claim that Mr. Lemming's sewing machine dented your fender.
09:57It most emphatically did.
09:59And is it true, as Mr. Lemming claims, that his sewing machine was also damaged?
10:07Well, I have to admit it was kind of sproinged.
10:10Sproinged?
10:11Well, you know, sproinged.
10:15I find it very difficult to believe that a pedestrian could run into your car.
10:21Your Honor, I realize that this circumstance is somewhat extraordinary, so I would like
10:25to, with the court's permission, introduce a witness.
10:28With the court's blessing, introduce him.
10:31He's not here, Your Honor.
10:33She's crazy.
10:34You stay out of this.
10:35Well, he'll be here.
10:36He'll just be a little late.
10:38But that doesn't matter because I've got another witness I'd like to call.
10:40All right, Miss Moraine, introduce your witness, but please be brief.
10:45We still have to hear from Mr. Lemming.
10:47And boy, will you ever hear from me.
10:48Would you please call Mr. Don Hollinger?
10:52Mr. Don Hollinger.
10:59Your Honor, this is Don Hollinger, my boyfriend, just for the record.
11:05Congratulations, for the record.
11:06You may be seated.
11:16Mr. Hollinger, do you own a car?
11:20What are you talking about?
11:21I'm questioning you.
11:22Do you own a car?
11:24Ann, if I didn't own a car, we wouldn't be here in the first place.
11:26Just a simple yes or no, please.
11:29All right, yes, Mr. Mason.
11:31Donald, that isn't necessary.
11:32Hear those crazy questions.
11:33My dear children, I will decide what is necessary.
11:37Haste is necessary.
11:42Miss Moraine, you don't have to prove that Mr. Hollinger owns the accident vehicle.
11:49We took your word for it.
11:50Oh, well, thank you, Your Honor.
11:53Mr. Hollinger, what was your reaction when I told you that a pedestrian ran into your car?
11:59You want me to tell the truth?
12:00Please do.
12:01All right.
12:02I didn't believe you.
12:04See?
12:04He's on my side.
12:05No, I'm not on your side.
12:06I am on her side.
12:08How can you be on her side when you don't believe her crazy story either?
12:12Missed me that time, Judge.
12:15Just what is the purpose of this line of questioning?
12:19Her purpose is to waste time.
12:20She's just stalling, Your Honor.
12:21Oh, no, Your Honor.
12:23My purpose is to prove that he didn't believe me because if he did believe me, we wouldn't be here.
12:27Oh, you should have believed her.
12:30Is there any other reason why this witness was called?
12:34Yes, there is, Your Honor.
12:35I am so glad.
12:39All right, then.
12:41Mr. Hollinger, let's just tell the court how upset you were when I told you that a pedestrian ran into
12:50your car.
12:54Oh, well, I wasn't that upset, Your Honor.
12:58You remember that I came back to your apartment right after I saw my insurance man.
13:03But, oh, golly, I wasn't that upset, Your Honor.
13:08A pedestrian could not have made that dent in the fender unless he was a pedestrian elephant.
13:13I told you, he made the dent with his sewing machine.
13:16Well, why not a washing machine?
13:17It would have made a bigger dent.
13:18Because he's a sewing machine salesman.
13:21Hey, didn't you tell the insurance man about the needles in your engine?
13:23Yes, I did.
13:24Yes, I did.
13:24And he looked at me like they would cancel the policy.
13:27You really don't believe me, do you?
13:28You're very perceptive.
13:30Give me a hand with this thing.
13:31I'll bet you'd believe me if I told you I ran your car into a truck.
13:35Yeah, that I would believe.
13:36You really don't have any faith in me, do you, Donald?
13:39Yeah, I had enough faith in you to loan you my car and let you run it into a truck.
13:42I can see I'm never going to be able to convince you.
13:44I'm always open to the truth.
13:46Now, push this.
13:46I just want to forget about the whole thing.
13:48Oh, yeah.
13:49Well, you can forget about it.
13:50But I have to live with a dent in car.
13:52I'm going to pay for it.
13:54Even though it wasn't my fault.
13:56Because I did tell you I'd be careful and I feel responsible.
14:00Anne.
14:01Look, you don't have to pay for it.
14:03I insist.
14:05Well, you can't insist.
14:08You're really very nice.
14:15You know, my car was demolished and this dumb tree came through without a scratch.
14:20Well, it's a good thing, too.
14:22Your car can always be repaired, but just think of what the trauma could have done to this plant.
14:26Trauma?
14:27How can a plant have a trauma?
14:28It's a living thing.
14:30It's probably very sensitive.
14:32Oh, what?
14:34Listen.
14:36Maybe we'd better go in the next room and talk so it won't hear us.
14:40Donald, anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of my plant.
14:45You know, look, now I know how you had the accident.
14:49Well, this thing was obscuring your vision, right?
14:51I mean, with all these big leaves and all those branches and how wide it is where you couldn't see,
14:55right?
14:55No.
14:56It was the man with the sewing machine who couldn't see.
14:59Anne, are you going to start that ridiculous story again?
15:01It's not a ridiculous story.
15:02Why don't you just believe me?
15:03Do I have to believe you?
15:05I'm willing to forgive you.
15:06I don't want you to forgive me.
15:08You just don't know how frustrating it is for somebody to forgive you when you're telling the truth.
15:11All right, then.
15:12All right, then.
15:13Have it your way.
15:14I don't forgive you.
15:15The way I want it is that you believe me.
15:18All right, then.
15:19I do believe you.
15:20No, you don't.
15:21There's no way to please you.
15:23I don't want to be pleased, Donald.
15:25I want to be believed.
15:32Yes?
15:33Miss Anne Marie?
15:34Yes.
15:35Congratulations.
15:36Oh, thank you.
15:41What was that all about?
15:42I don't know.
15:43I think I won something.
15:45Well, of all the nerve.
15:48It's a subpoena from Lemming.
15:50Yeah.
15:51He's sewing me for breaking his sewing machine.
15:54We all know that he's sewing you for breaking his sewing machine.
16:00What did I just say?
16:02You said we all know that he's sewing you for...
16:05Port will recess for lunch.
16:09Do you think I'm winning?
16:11Oh, I don't know, Anne, but you got him so confused you couldn't be losing.
16:14Donald, are you starting to believe me?
16:17Oh, well, I'm sorry, but witnesses are not allowed to discuss the case during the recess.
16:32Now that we've all had a good lunch, shall we take another crack at it?
16:37Unless, of course, during recess it was settled out of court.
16:41No, Your Honor.
16:42I was afraid of that.
16:45Very well, Miss Marie, you may proceed.
16:48Thank you, Your Honor.
16:50Not only do I intend to prove that Mr. Lemming is responsible for the damages that he caused...
16:55I am not responsible for the damages I caused.
16:57But my good name has been besmirched, and I intend to do everything in my power to unsmirch it.
17:03Your Honor, the testimony from Don Hollinger makes it very clear that my honor is at stake.
17:09And unless I can convince him in court and prove it here,
17:13never again will I ever be able to prove to him that I've been telling the truth.
17:15Miss Marie, I think it's about time you introduced the witness who did see the accident.
17:23There aren't any witnesses.
17:25Your Honor, I realized right away that I'd need a witness, so I return to the scene of the crime.
17:30Well, this isn't any crime, this is a civil suit.
17:34Oh, well, I return to the scene of the civil suit.
17:39You heard that, Your Honor.
17:40Look, for her own good, put her away.
17:42Your Honor, may I go on?
17:44And on and on and on and on and on.
17:47Anyway, I then return to the scene of the, whatever you call it,
17:52and started looking for witnesses.
18:06Excuse me, sir, I wonder if you could help me.
18:08Just take them off, have a seat, I'll be with you in a minute.
18:11Oh, no, I want to talk to you about an accident.
18:15You see that sign over there?
18:16Not responsible for damaged goods.
18:19So don't blame me.
18:20There's nothing wrong with my shoes.
18:22I meant a car accident.
18:23I didn't see a thing.
18:24Oh, you must have seen it.
18:26It happened right outside your window.
18:28Lady, even if I saw it, I didn't see it.
18:31I make it a habit to never get involved.
18:35Then you mean you won't help me?
18:37You got a broken heel?
18:38I'll fix it.
18:39If I had a broken heel, I don't think I'd let you fix it.
18:42Why not?
18:42I make it a habit never to get involved.
18:46May I help you, dear?
18:49Well, I hope you can.
18:50What would you like to see?
18:52A silver, china?
18:54I have some lovely Victorian doilies.
18:56I'm sure you do.
18:57It's just that I'm looking for a witness.
18:59A witness?
19:00I don't believe I have one.
19:02Well, it's not a thing.
19:04It's a person.
19:06Oh, a witness.
19:09To what?
19:10To an accident.
19:11It just happened the other day.
19:13Oh, it was just terrible.
19:14I've never seen anything like it.
19:16I was in that accident.
19:17Oh, my dear, I'm surprised to see you up and around
19:20when that blue hardtop came around the corner.
19:23Oh, it was a red convertible.
19:26Well, I'm sure I must have seen it.
19:28I don't miss much of anything around here.
19:31It was the one where the pedestrian ran into my car.
19:34Oh, yes, the pedestrian.
19:37Now I remember.
19:39It was a green pedestrian with a white top
19:41and it ran smack into a lamppost.
19:44How much are those Victorian doilies?
20:06Excuse me, sir, but did you happen to see an accident
20:08right outside your shop about two days ago?
20:10I think there were a couple accidents this week.
20:12Yes.
20:13Well, mine was the one with the red convertible
20:15and the sewing machine.
20:16Huh?
20:16A man with the sewing machine ran into my car.
20:19Oh, now I get it.
20:22Oh, did you see it?
20:23Oh, sure, sure.
20:25Where's the camera?
20:26What camera?
20:28All right, I'll play along.
20:29What do you want me to say?
20:30Well, just tell me what you saw.
20:32I bet you keep the microphone in your purse, huh?
20:36What are you talking about?
20:37Come on, tell me.
20:38When's this going to be on TV?
20:39Look, all I want to know is, did you see my accident?
20:43Oh, sure.
20:45You know, I'm not only a butcher, I sing, too.
20:52Way down upon the Swanee River, far, far away.
20:59Miss Marie, you promised this foot has something to do with the witness.
21:04Your Honor, I found my witness at the butcher shop.
21:07Well, I didn't exactly find him.
21:09Actually, he found me.
21:10The witness found you?
21:12Yes.
21:13Well, you see, I left my name and telephone number
21:16at all the stores that I went to,
21:17you know, just in case somebody came by that had seen the accident.
21:19And when I got home that night,
21:21a man called me who had seen the whole thing
21:23and he'd gotten my number from the singing butcher.
21:25May we hear from the witness, please?
21:27He's not here.
21:29Uh-huh.
21:29A witness isn't of much value if he isn't present in the court.
21:34Well, I was trying to explain before
21:36that he had to go to a wedding,
21:38but he will be here.
21:39I just know he will.
21:39He can't be very reliable if he isn't here.
21:42He's a very reliable man.
21:44Mm-hmm.
21:44You can rely on him to cover up for you.
21:47What's the name of your witness?
21:49You know, I was so excited when he called,
21:51I forgot to ask him.
21:52Why don't you just make up a name?
21:54I really do have a witness.
21:55I just didn't remember to ask his name.
21:58Could we take another recess?
22:00I'd be too tempted not to come back.
22:04May we hear from you now, Mr. Lemming?
22:07Thank you, Your Honor.
22:08That is, if the statute of limitations hasn't run out yet.
22:12Look, I'll make this as brief as possible.
22:14Just take her story and reverse everything she said.
22:17But my witness will tell you that I'm not at fault.
22:20How much did you pay him to say that?
22:21I didn't pay him anything.
22:23Ha!
22:23That's why he didn't show up.
22:24May I say something?
22:26Yes, Your Honor.
22:27Oh, tell her good, Judge.
22:28Miss Marie, it's Mr. Lemming's turn now.
22:32Will you please proceed?
22:35Your Honor, I was walking along,
22:37minding my own business
22:38and carrying my brand-new deluxe super flyer,
22:40which is now garbage,
22:42when this dizzy dame comes barreling down the street
22:44aiming straight at me.
22:46Anyway, Your Honor,
22:46it's just her word against mine,
22:48and you can see by her own testimony
22:51how valuable her own word is.
22:53I rest my case.
22:56Oh, incidentally, Judge,
22:58I'm a very heavy contributor
22:59to the Police Athletic League.
23:01Thank you, Mr. Lemming.
23:02The bailiff has informed me
23:04that a gentleman has arrived
23:06who says he is a witness for Miss Marie.
23:09He came!
23:11I told you he'd come.
23:12Well, he's too late.
23:14He'll probably lie through his teeth, anyhow.
23:16Oh, please, Your Honor,
23:17I throw myself on the mercy of the court.
23:19Because I thought you'd come to this
23:21sooner or later.
23:23You may question the witness.
23:24Oh, thank you, Your Honor.
23:27Bailiff, may we have the witness, please?
23:30Well, I demand the cross-examine
23:31this witness, Your Honor,
23:32because I guarantee you
23:33he'll be just as phony
23:34as that singing butcher.
23:35And that's phony.
23:36P-H-O-N-E-Y.
23:37Real big phony.
23:41You're my witness?
23:43That's right, Miss Marie.
23:44I'm Father John Morton.
23:47Well, how are you, Father?
23:49Fine, thank you.
23:50That's nice.
23:52And how was the wedding?
23:54It was beautiful.
23:56Well, I guess that just about
23:58completes my questioning.
24:00Your witness, Mr. Lemming.
24:03Father?
24:06How are things down at the parish?
24:16Well, Donald, do you believe me now?
24:17If I didn't, I might be struck by lightning.
24:19Did you see the look of Mr. Lemming's face
24:20for the first time in the speeches?
24:22Well, all I can say,
24:23it's a lucky thing Father Morton arrived
24:24when he did because that judge
24:25was ready to throw the book at you.
24:27You know, I feel kind of sorry
24:27for poor Mr. Lemming.
24:29Well, what about me?
24:30I'm the guy with the dent.
24:32Well, you won.
24:34Now I can pay you in cash,
24:35or if you'd like,
24:36you may have a sewing machine.
24:37Well, that's very nice of you, Mr. Lemming.
24:39I think I'd kind of like
24:40to have the sewing machine.
24:41Oh, no, wait a minute.
24:42Who's going to pay for my car?
24:43I'll pay for it.
24:44Just think of all the money
24:45I'm going to save
24:45making my own clothes.
24:49I'll pay for it.
Comments