- 12 hours ago
Seth and Sean power rank the final power rankings of the season from the outlets that actually did them and then discuss some haikus for the Texans offseason sent in by listeners.
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00:00So we'll do – these are the postseason, way too early.
00:04Well, these are some – I guess there may be power rankings, too,
00:06of what the season now looks like in retrospect.
00:09Either way, we've got four of them.
00:11In no particular order yet, USA – no, not USA.
00:15We don't have USA Today in here.
00:16Oh, my God.
00:17ESPN, The Athletic, Sporting News, and Fox.
00:21Those are the four that we have.
00:24And I'll say, though, the one at the bottom of our power rankings,
00:27because we rank this based on where they have the Texans,
00:30they're at the bottom of their rankings because of their Texans' ranking,
00:32but also because ESPN has the Patriots as number two behind the Seahawks.
00:37You don't like that.
00:38I don't like – put the Rams above the Patriots.
00:40Clearly a better football team.
00:42Yeah.
00:42Yeah.
00:43And they didn't do as well in the regular season by record
00:45because they played in the NFC freaking West.
00:47That's exactly right.
00:48Three playoff teams in that division.
00:49Yep, yep.
00:51So number 13 on ESPN.
00:54ESPN is coming in fourth, as Seth just alluded to there,
00:58because they have the Texans ranked 13th,
01:00and that's the lowest ranking of any of these four outlets.
01:03Yeah.
01:03The category that they have here,
01:05some of these rankings will do a category that they –
01:09you know, that they – for each team,
01:11they do a paragraph about offseason in three words.
01:15That's actually not a bad text topic.
01:17Texting the Texans offseason in three words,
01:20713-572-4610, the base power text line.
01:24Or in a haiku.
01:26You can do that.
01:28I'll take haikus.
01:29Three words or haikus.
01:30The three-worded ones are going to get read more easily than the haikus.
01:34The haikus better be good.
01:36Offseason in three words.
01:37This is DJ Biennale saying this, Seth.
01:40Improve within margins.
01:43Okay.
01:43Now I need to read the paragraph because that needs an explanation.
01:46The Texans aren't operating with a lot of cap space.
01:4921st in cap space this coming season, according to OverTheCap.com.
01:53So this year, more than ever, is about getting past the divisional round.
01:58They're 0-8 in those games, but at least they have draft capital
02:01to improve the roster with four picks in the top 69.
02:05The offensive line and running back positions will be key spots to focus on,
02:09along with adding to the safety room.
02:11Every move will help a 12-5 roster that can't get over the hump.
02:15One thing I would disagree with is that they're –
02:18the notion that they're operating without a lot of cap space,
02:21they actually have as much cap space as they need because in 2027 and 2028,
02:27they're top three in terms of having the most cap space.
02:31So when it comes to signing free agents, spreading the money out over time
02:34and everything, they're actually – they're just fine.
02:37They'll redo some of the deals and extend some guys, you know,
02:41and restructure others.
02:42But they're in very healthy cap shape right now.
02:45No matter – when you guys look at the rankings for this year,
02:48that really doesn't paint the whole picture.
02:50The more high-paid players you have on big contracts,
02:53the more that you can actually go ahead and open up cap space by turning salary
02:56into bonus, extending them like you just said, yes.
02:59Yeah, and a lot of the guys – if you redo Will Anderson,
03:02that doesn't hit the cap until future years.
03:04So if they want to make a couple of high-profile signings,
03:07they've got all the room in the world to do it.
03:10And they have a lot of guys on the roster that they'd feel comfortable restructuring.
03:13If not – even if they're not extend, just restructuring it, you feel good –
03:17enough of those guys you feel good about that you can do that.
03:20The only other thing I disagree with, they are not 0-8 in divisional round.
03:23They're only 0-7.
03:24Okay, DJ?
03:28I disagree vehemently with you tacking on another one.
03:31Sir, sir, we are not nearly as bad as you're claiming we are in the divisional round.
03:36I'm looking up to DJ's face to slap him with my glove,
03:38but totally missing like an 0-7 team would.
03:40All right, so they're number four, ESPN.
03:43Number three, Fox.
03:46Fox Sports is number three.
03:48They have the Texans, ba-ba-ba-ba, 12th in their power rankings.
03:53They say this.
03:55They have enough offensive talent to survive their post – oh, wait.
04:00Sorry, that's the Lions.
04:01They have the defense to be ranked a lot higher than this,
04:04but do they have the quarterback?
04:06If CJ Stroud can be what he's supposed to be,
04:08consider them a legitimate Super Bowl contender.
04:11Yeah.
04:12The thing that I've been most offended by in these first two power rankings
04:17is that both of them have the Chiefs one notch above the Texans.
04:22Okay.
04:22And I'm – like, if you look at the trajectory of where the Chiefs are headed
04:28and some of the difficulties they have in managing their roster coming up into this year,
04:35the Chiefs, they got issues, man.
04:37The offense hasn't really been all that impressive for more than two years now.
04:42Their defense this year was not as good as they were in the previous year,
04:46where their defense really led them to the regular season record that they had in 2024.
04:52And they just didn't even make the playoffs this year.
04:54So, yeah, and put some respect on the Texans' name.
04:57Well, and we don't even know if Patrick Mahomes is going to be ready to start the season.
05:02Oh, that's –
05:03He had a bad knee injury.
05:04His knee injury was not a simple one, right?
05:07Didn't he tear a couple of ligaments in that knee?
05:08Travis Kelsey is going to be way more concerned with his gigantic wedding
05:13than he is going to be about football this offseason.
05:15Have they set a date yet, by the way?
05:17I think so.
05:18Have they?
05:19Yeah.
05:19Are you invited?
05:20I don't know if I'm invited or not.
05:22I thought we were friends.
05:24He hasn't called me in forever.
05:26I can't return my phone call.
05:27You know what?
05:28That's true.
05:28Travis Kelsey hasn't called me in forever.
05:30All right, number two, power ranking the power rankings.
05:34If I had been invited to the wedding, that little issue that I had at our hotel during
05:41the Super Bowl, I would have uninvited myself when I couldn't get through the hotel lobby
05:46because of the mass of people surrounding Travis Kelsey trying to get his autograph.
05:51Very annoying.
05:52He did look – by the way, he did, to his credit, he was like down on one knee talking
05:57to the little kids and everything.
05:58Yeah.
05:58It was actually – it was a pretty cool moment for people who don't despise Travis
06:04Kelsey.
06:05He's kind of changed his persona based on who he's been with, you know?
06:09Like, I think Taylor Swift is generally viewed as a pretty friendly person like that.
06:14Oh, yeah.
06:15Well, no, I don't think he's ever had a reputation of being rude to the fans or anything.
06:18No, no, no.
06:19Yeah.
06:20Yeah, but he's almost like a Sesame Street character now.
06:23It was like – I didn't fault him for him having a group of people around him.
06:27I faulted the idiotic adults who were just standing like morons in the middle of hallways
06:33and in front of elevators.
06:35They were gumming everything up.
06:36Okay, so number two is the sporting news.
06:39Power ranking in the power rankings.
06:41ESPN 4, Fox 3, Sporting News 2.
06:46Although I am considering rethinking this based on the Chiefs thing that you're bringing up here, Seth,
06:52with respect to the sporting news.
06:54First, I will tell you where they have the Texans.
06:57They have the Texans 11th.
06:59Yeah.
06:59The Texans have become a dominant team under D'Amico Ryans but need to support C.J. Stroud better
07:04with the O-line and a steadier running game.
07:07Okay, so they're echoing what everybody's been saying about the Texans.
07:10This sporting news – man, there's a reason you're extinct in print, Sporting News,
07:15along with almost everybody else that's extinct in print these days.
07:19They have the Chiefs 5.
07:20The Chiefs won't be falling off from contention with one down non-playoff season with Patrick Mahomes.
07:28Andy Reid is still there, too, with the right offensive and defensive reinforcements on the way.
07:32Yeah.
07:32Okay, they're assuming that the Chiefs are going to have this amazing offseason with all these reinforcements.
07:36Yeah.
07:37Has there been news on Mahomes' knee that you and I have not heard that he's definitely going to be ready?
07:41No, not that I know of.
07:42Okay.
07:43And also, I think the people who would be most vehemently opposed to that little blurb right there
07:50are Chiefs fans who do not trust that they're surrounding Patrick Mahomes with the receivers he needs.
07:58They don't trust that – like the whole – this is how it works in Kansas City.
08:04When the offense is doing really well, the offensive coordinator doesn't get any credit at all.
08:09It's all because Andy Reid is brilliant.
08:11This last year, all of a sudden, oh, the offensive coordinator sucks.
08:16Can't believe we still got Nagy in here.
08:18He's awful.
08:19They got to fix it.
08:20So what did they do?
08:21They went back to the well and got Eric P. Enomy.
08:23Eric P. Enomy!
08:24Yeah.
08:24Like, this is – it's the whole – the whole offensive structure there simply has not been the potent force that it used to be.
08:33And Chiefs fans themselves don't really trust that the GM, the head coach,
08:39and the offensive coordinator are going to get it back on track.
08:41Yep.
08:42All right, number one power ranking of the power rankings, the Athletic.
08:48Has the Texans eighth.
08:51Now, they had them fifth to end the season going into the playoffs.
08:53They have them eighth.
08:55And the takeaway for the season, there's the C.J. Stroud issue.
09:00Yeah.
09:00That's the takeaway for the season.
09:02Here's what they write.
09:03The Texans probably thought after Stroud's rookie season that this would be the offseason,
09:07they would start working on a mega extension for their young quarterback.
09:10But the last two seasons have raised a lot of questions.
09:12In that time, Stroud is 25th in the league in EPA per dropback.
09:17That's expected points added.
09:19He threw four interceptions in their loss to the Patriots.
09:22The defense is really good, though.
09:23Yeah, as a lot of the stat heads and what have you will tell you,
09:28the offensive EPA there for quarterbacks is really more about the whole offense
09:33than it is the quarterback himself.
09:35So there's truth to that.
09:38It's that, look, would C.J. be a better quarterback if he had a better offensive line in front of him?
09:43Of course.
09:43Yes, he would.
09:44Would C.J. be a better quarterback if Joe Mixon had been healthy this whole season?
09:48Right.
09:48Certainly he would have been.
09:49So there's nuance to it, but he also could have been a better quarterback
09:55with the exact same talent that he had around him if he had just played better.
09:59The interesting thing about this is the other team that's just ahead of the Texans
10:05in all of these rankings is the Chicago Bears.
10:08Read the blurb about, remember when C.J. was giving advice to Caleb Williams
10:13about how he could be a better quarterback in the NFL?
10:15Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:16This is the blurb about the Bears.
10:17The Bears' signing of Drew Dahlman in trades for Joe Tooney and Jonah Jackson,
10:22these are all offensive linemen, were the second most impactful offseason additions
10:27behind only New England's huge haul in free agency.
10:30It led to a resurgent season for quarterback Caleb Williams
10:33in Chicago's first playoff win in 15 years.
10:36This team might be a summer sleeper, they say.
10:39So, yeah, the two big teams spending in free agency last year, or in the case of Jonah Jackson,
10:48a trade for a guy who was expensive, were the Bears on the offensive line and the Patriots
10:52on the defense.
10:53And it worked great for both of them.
10:55I hold the athletic to a higher journalistic standard and writing standard than these other outlets.
11:00Could it be a resurgent season for Caleb Williams this year?
11:06When had he surged before?
11:08I guess winning the Heisman in college.
11:11Oh, we're going back to college.
11:13I'm just trying to answer the question.
11:15Yeah.
11:15Yeah.
11:15So, I guess for Caleb Williams, yeah, it's a resurgence back to the status.
11:19Resurgent means there was a surge to begin with.
11:22It's kind of like when they gave Geno Smith the comeback player of the year award.
11:26Yeah.
11:27I mean, coming back from what?
11:28He was never at this position ever before.
11:31Being bad.
11:32Oh, my God.
11:33They're rolling in right now.
11:35We asked, in the spirit of ESPN's power rankings, the Texans offseason, what the Texans offseason
11:41should be in three words.
11:44Improve the lines.
11:46Fix C.J. Stroud.
11:48Okay.
11:48Somebody did send in a haiku.
11:50A haiku.
11:52Give Stroud a run game.
11:55Haiku's got to be 5-7-5.
11:57Give Stroud a run game.
11:59Stop making him be Brady.
12:01Throw the ball downfield.
12:02There you go.
12:03Oh.
12:03That is a 5-7-5 for someone saying, stop making Stroud a dink and dunk guy.
12:10Give him a run game and take those play action shots.
12:12Are they still forcing kids to do haikus?
12:15I feel like haiku is one of those things that I bet in Japanese, it matters.
12:24Like, it probably sounds better when you're reading haiku in Japanese.
12:28Yeah.
12:28But when you try to force it into English, it just sounds like three stupid short sentences.
12:34I don't, I, I, I, I reject the notion that anybody should ever do an English haiku poem.
12:41Are you, are you ready for me to possibly trigger you with this haiku that I'm about to read?
12:46Yeah.
12:46Okay.
12:49Get his necessary help, whether offensive line or his mental health, that'll serve these Texans well.
12:56Oh, yeah.
12:58Good.
12:58That's a 5-7-5.
13:00Oh.
13:01Get CJ his, get CJ his necessary help.
13:06That's nine on the first line.
13:07But is it, no, but it doesn't have to all be, and it doesn't have to be in three separate bars.
13:12It can be, you can divide it up that first sentence.
13:14Yeah.
13:15That was nine.
13:16Whether offensive line or his mental health, that's 11.
13:21Yeah.
13:22Okay.
13:22That'll serve these Texans well.
13:25He's 9-11-7.
13:27So is over, yeah, his overall.
13:289-11-7.
13:29That haiku sucks.
13:31What's a haiku supposed to be?
13:325-7-5.
13:33You're the one that threw it out there.
13:345-7-5.
13:35Yeah, I didn't say I was a haiku expert or anything.
13:375-7-5.
13:38Yeah.
13:38I threw it out there.
13:39I was like, yeah, it's like, fix my iPhone.
13:42I can say that, too.
13:43That's true.
13:43I don't know how to do it.
13:44Yeah, that's true.
13:455-7-5 on the haiku.
13:47All right, a few more, a few more three-word ones.
13:50Don't.
13:50I asked Gemini to write me a haiku.
13:53What did it give you?
13:53And it just, it ignored the assignment.
13:55Really?
13:56Oh, no, here it is.
13:56Here it is.
13:56Okay.
13:57All right, this is what Gemini says.
14:00Shield CJ from hits.
14:02Run the ball with grit and speed.
14:04Okay.
14:05Strengthen the front lines.
14:06Okay.
14:07That's pretty good.
14:09I would say O-lines, because obviously, by definite, front lines, what the hell is that?
14:12AI, though, that's pretty good.
14:15Shield CJ from hits.
14:16Yep.
14:16Run the ball with grit and speed.
14:18Yeah.
14:20Strengthen the front lines.
14:21Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:21I think that's, I give that an A-.
14:24I give that an A-.
14:25I sat in my garden this morning and wrote that in the sand.
14:31Cross-legged underneath a tree.
14:32And then I raked the sand away.
14:34Yep.
14:34Because everything is ephemeral in this life.
14:36Mm-hmm.
14:37Don't extend Stroud.
14:38That's a three-worder right there.
14:40That's a three-worder.
14:41No, honestly, okay.
14:45That actually sums up a whole lot of issues and everything, including, all right, do you
14:51want to keep that carrot on a stick for Stroud and just reaffirm and re-stress that, yeah,
14:57you've got some work to do.
14:59You've got to prove to it that you're worth that extension.
15:01Yeah.
15:02We'll gladly take the hit and overpay you two years from now.
15:07Yeah.
15:07We'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.
15:10Yes, Wimpy.
15:11As long as you produce the hamburger.
15:13That's right.
15:14Someone said, that's on me.
15:16I remembered five, the guy who wrote the really long haiku said, I remember 575.
15:20I thought it was words, not syllables.
15:22So, well, that's an exception.
15:24Write a haiku apologizing for that haiku.
15:27Yes, yes, send in an actual haiku, 575 apologizing for your haiku negligence.
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