- 2 days ago
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00:00I know we're older now and lost again
00:14Down at the coldest side of your land, my friend
00:25Will you come back, come back again?
00:37Will you come back, come back again?
00:45I put the kettle on, the wise man's song for you
00:55Hello Michael
01:09Morning, morning
01:18Yeah, I was just wondering about your garden, actually, mate, to be honest
01:23What about it?
01:25Well, I mean, it's getting a bit overgrown now, you know
01:27Starting to cut out a lot of light, so
01:30Right, well, I'll sort that then
01:32Wicked, OK, do you reckon you get a chance?
01:35Definitely
01:35Awesome
01:36Did you get a letter from the council?
01:37Probably
01:38I never opened them, bloody council, eh?
01:40Always after something
01:42Well, there might be one about the, um
01:44Doesn't matter
01:46You reckon you get a chance, though?
01:48Take it back a bit
01:49Yeah, yes
01:50Awesome, awesome
01:51All right, see you later, buddy
01:53Cheers, Cliff
01:57It's Clive
02:00See you soon
02:16All right, Brigham
02:43Trish, it's Gordon
03:04What's this mug for?
03:06Has something been spilled?
03:11Speak to me, Trish
03:12Just spill it and seal it and go out in
03:14Use the comms, please, Trish
03:17What's been spilled?
03:18Just trying to find out
03:19Use the comms, Trish
03:21Not the tannoy
03:22Some sort of sealant?
03:27Get them up
03:28Get it cleaned up
03:29No, no
03:30You don't understand
03:31Why would we sell six screws
03:34In a biodegradable paper bag
03:36When, if we only sell them
03:37In polyurethane tubs of 500
03:41The customer
03:42The customer
03:42Is forced into buying much more of them
03:45Making us
03:46Much, much more money
03:48I see
03:49Do you have a hand drill?
03:53A hand drill?
03:59We stopped stocking hand drills in 1953
04:02What was 1953?
04:08The Queen's Coronation
04:10Have you been on your break?
04:14Which break?
04:15Lunch break?
04:15Tea break?
04:16No
04:16Vending machine needs stocking up
04:19Double deckers
04:20Double deckers
04:21Got it
04:21Beef discos
04:24Then go on your break
04:25Double deckers
04:25Beef discos
04:26Break
04:27alcalds
04:28Dan
04:28Declan
04:29Police
04:29And the
04:32Declan
04:34ž
04:35Cundice
04:36Cundice
04:37Could the ambulance
04:37Swamp child
04:38Wear a yellow nungaree
04:39Please come to the powerana
04:40Spectrum
04:41and arm the ring?
04:49Michael!
04:49Michael!
04:50Michael!
04:50Are you not coming tonight?
04:50E tal!
04:51Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
04:55See you there.
04:56Find the whispy, and go.
04:58Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
05:21Hello, Hilary.
05:31Oh, hello, love.
05:32He's in the lounge.
05:33Thanks.
05:34Has he been all right?
05:34Yeah, I think so.
05:36Building his contraptions, telling his stories, you know.
05:39Keeping everyone amused.
05:45See you later.
05:51Hello, Dad.
06:15Ah.
06:16You all right?
06:16Hello, sir.
06:18You back from your travels?
06:19I haven't been anywhere, Dad.
06:22I must have nodded off.
06:24You've been busy.
06:27Oh, yeah, yeah.
06:29Does it work?
06:31Eh, sometimes, yeah.
06:33Here you are, then.
06:34Oh?
06:35Have a go.
06:37Where does it start?
06:39On the book.
06:40What, here?
06:41Yeah, yeah.
06:42Yeah.
06:42That is fantastic, Dad.
06:51Oh, well.
07:07Utter waste of time.
07:09Oh, I don't know.
07:10It keeps your brain ticking over.
07:14Who brings you the Brazil nuts?
07:17What?
07:17You've always got a bowl of shelled Brazil nuts.
07:20Oh, yeah.
07:21She gives them to meet Gladys.
07:23Her granddaughter brings them for her, but her dentures can't cope with the nuts, so she
07:27just sucks the chocolate off.
07:29I never touch them.
07:30So, er, what have you been up to?
07:34You know, this and that.
07:35Working at the DIY place.
07:37Yeah.
07:38How's Cleo?
07:39Is she well?
07:42Cleo went away, didn't she, Dad?
07:45Years ago now.
07:46You remember?
07:47We don't know where she went.
07:49Oh, shit.
07:50I forgot.
07:51Yeah.
07:52Er, Christmas time.
07:53Yes.
07:54Christmas Eve.
07:56No news?
07:57No answers?
07:58No.
07:59Just questions.
08:01Lots of questions.
08:02I'm sorry, son.
08:04It's all right.
08:06I actually don't mind talking about her.
08:09Friends tend to avoid the subject.
08:12Ow!
08:14What is it?
08:18A drafts piece?
08:20No, hang on.
08:22Pontefract cake.
08:24Oh, I know who you are!
08:27I know who's doing it!
08:32Bastards!
08:33Hey, it's all right, Dad.
08:36Well, I remember.
08:37Would you post my competitions for me?
08:40Yeah, yeah, of course I will.
08:41Can't you get one of the staff here to post them for you?
08:43I don't trust them.
08:44They just chuck them in the bin.
08:45Dad, I'm sure they wouldn't.
08:46But yes, I'll take them for you.
08:48What are you going to win?
08:49Er, fishing equipment, knitting machine, and this one's a hot tub.
08:55Oh, nice.
08:56All very useful.
08:58Here you go.
08:59Dinner's up.
09:00Do you want to leave you to it?
09:01All right, sunshine.
09:03Will I see you tomorrow?
09:04Yeah, I'll be here.
09:06Maybe we can talk about her then.
09:09Who's that?
09:11Clear.
09:13Clear?
09:13Oh, clear!
09:14Oh, lovely clear.
09:17Give her my look.
09:17I love you, Dad.
09:25I love you, Dad.
09:25I love you, Dad.
09:55I love you, Dad.
09:56I love you, Dad.
09:57I love you, Dad.
09:58I love you, Dad.
09:59I love you, Dad.
10:00I love you, Dad.
10:01I love you, Dad.
10:02I love you, Dad.
10:03I love you, Dad.
10:04I love you, Dad.
10:05I love you, Dad.
10:06I love you, Dad.
10:07I love you, Dad.
10:08I love you, Dad.
10:09I love you, Dad.
10:10I love you, Dad.
10:11I love you, Dad.
10:12I love you, Dad.
10:13I love you, Dad.
10:14I love you, Dad.
10:15I love you, Dad.
10:16I love you, Dad.
10:17I love you, Dad.
13:18Take a break now because Andre's in the warehouse this afternoon.
13:22Now?
13:23All right?
13:32It's Casey.
13:33Yeah?
13:33I didn't realise you were in today.
13:36Yeah, I've been in here an hour and a half. No one's noticed.
13:39Do you want a cup of tea or are you not bothered?
13:41Is that beard itchy?
13:45Itchy? No.
13:50Why would I have a beard if it was itchy?
13:53Looks itchy. Looks like it would feel itchy.
13:58You're welcome.
14:00Why'd you have a beard?
14:02Why do you wear a hat?
14:04I'm not wearing a hat.
14:06No, but if you were, that would be my response to you.
14:08Why do you have your ears pierced? That's a better example.
14:10Why do you have your ears pierced?
14:12Just because.
14:13There you go. It's just because.
14:15That was funny before when you thought I was calling you a wanker.
14:21Who were you calling a wanker? Gordon?
14:22Of course, Gordon.
14:24I mean, don't you think he's such a wanker?
14:25I haven't really thought about it.
14:27Go on, have a think.
14:30Yeah, I suppose he is a bit.
14:31Yeah, you watch. Now that I've pointed it out, you'll notice it all the time.
14:36You on your break?
14:38Yep.
14:39How long have you been on your break?
14:40About ten minutes.
14:42How long have you been on your break?
14:44Two minutes.
14:45You literally just sent me on my break.
14:51Say.
14:53You've been here years, then.
14:55Five years.
14:57Come on.
14:58Yeah.
15:00What did you do before this?
15:02I was an underwater welder.
15:04What does that mean?
15:05Which part? Underwater or welder?
15:08Both, when you put them together.
15:09Well, I welded things that were underwater,
15:12which meant that I had to go underwater too.
15:15In, like, the diving gear and everything.
15:17Almost always.
15:19What sort of things need welding underwater?
15:22Ships, oil rigs.
15:25Mainly ships and oil rigs.
15:28Isn't welding like fire?
15:29Yes.
15:30Oh, so how does that work, then?
15:31Would you like me to explain?
15:32No, actually, you're all right.
15:34Why'd you give it up?
15:36It's a young man's game, underwater welding.
15:38You can't do it for too long.
15:40Takes its toll.
15:44And did you have the beard then?
15:46No.
15:47I wouldn't have been able to get a watertight seal around me diving mask.
15:49Oh, yeah, I was going to say.
16:07Hi, Hilary.
16:08Is he, uh...
16:08Hello, love.
16:09He's in his room.
16:10Oh.
16:10Can I have a word?
16:11It's a bit awkward.
16:15Your dad's been taking the empty water bottles and hiding them in his room.
16:18The water cooler bottles?
16:20Thing is, they collect the empties on a Wednesday.
16:23What's he taking them for?
16:24I don't know.
16:25He's saying it wasn't him.
16:26Well, are you sure it was him?
16:27I've seen him taking them.
16:29He keeps an eye out for when they're nearly empty
16:31and then smuggles them away when he thinks no one's looking.
16:34All right.
16:35Uh, thanks, Hilary.
16:36I'll see if I can work out what's going on.
16:59Hello, Dad.
17:00Hello, son.
17:01Come on in.
17:02Shut the door.
17:02Are you all right?
17:03What are you looking for?
17:04Shut the door.
17:06I remembered something.
17:10Something that would help with your problem.
17:12What problem was that?
17:13What we talked about yesterday.
17:15You know, I know where you can get some answers.
17:18I am sorry, Dad.
17:19I'm being dim.
17:20What were we talking about?
17:22Homunculi.
17:23Come again?
17:25Alchemy.
17:26Can't talk about it here.
17:27They'll be listening in.
17:29Let's go for a walk.
17:31Take a look in there.
17:32What have you got these for, Dad?
17:46Did I ever tell you about Egypt?
17:49I think so, yes.
17:50When you were on, um, national service.
17:52That's right.
17:53When I was there, I met a man, an old mystic, Italian.
17:57And he was studying, uh, metaphysics and alchemic law.
18:01Okay.
18:02Anyway, I became an apprentice, really, um, so to speak.
18:06I was the only one he trusted to help him with his experiments.
18:10Okay.
18:11Eventually, this brilliant man managed to grow and generate homunculi.
18:17Tiny prophets who lived in great glass jars full of water.
18:20Wait a minute, Dad.
18:21I remember this story.
18:22You used to tell it to me before bed.
18:24Little people in jars.
18:26But, Dad, I don't think it actually happened.
18:28Oh, it did happen.
18:29I was there.
18:30I saw them.
18:30There were six of them.
18:32Yeah, I remember.
18:33There was a king and a queen.
18:36A monk.
18:38A knight, a peasant, and a seraph.
18:41Exquisite little beings.
18:43They could predict the future.
18:44Yeah.
18:45They could answer any question once they'd reached the state of divination.
18:49And they had to answer truthfully.
18:52That was my favourite story, Dad.
18:54Dad, are you sure that you didn't get it from a book?
18:56No, no, no.
18:58I wrote it in a book.
18:59I wrote the instructions all down in a journal, but it's, it's gone.
19:03I can't find it.
19:04Well, I've got a lot of your things, remember.
19:06At my house, I said I'd look after them for you when you moved in here.
19:09Well, that's where it'll be then.
19:11And it's all written down.
19:13Okay, Dad.
19:14Dad, Dad, listen.
19:16Even if I can find it, you're not allowed to practice alchemy in the Golden Years Garden.
19:20No, no.
19:20It's up to you.
19:22You're the one who wants the answers.
19:24They'll be able to tell you where Claire is.
19:28No, Dad.
19:29No, no.
19:29The prophets will tell you where she is, and you go find her and bring her back.
19:33I'll guide you.
19:34That's what the bottles are for.
19:36Take all the bottles, fill them with rainwater.
19:38Got to be rainwater.
19:40You'll need some other ingredients, but the journal will take you through all that.
19:44You've just got to find the journal.
19:46Come on.
19:47Yeah.
19:49That's it.
19:50Mm-hmm.
19:57He thinks I'm taking them out to the car.
19:59It's a long story.
20:01All right if I leave them around the corner?
20:03All right, love.
20:03Thanks.
20:04It should be all right now.
20:06See you tomorrow.
20:07Michael.
20:27All right, mate.
20:29You looking well.
20:30Hello, Roy.
20:31I went around the house earlier.
20:34Yeah.
20:35No, I was here, visiting Dad.
20:37Been trying to call you.
20:38Left a few messages.
20:39Yeah.
20:40Sometimes I forget to check.
20:42I forget to turn it on.
20:46I need to speak to you, Michael.
20:47Yeah.
20:48Yeah, okay.
20:49Shall we go back to the house?
20:50No.
20:52There's a cafe around the corner.
20:55Pickles.
20:55Do you want something?
21:06Oh, um, sausage, egg and chips, please.
21:08Who's paying?
21:09I'm skint, mate.
21:10Just a cup of tea, please.
21:11Two, thanks.
21:17How are you?
21:17Are you well?
21:18Skint.
21:19I just told you.
21:21I'm paying for three kids while she's sat on her fat hearts eating crisps.
21:25Are they still down south?
21:28In Reading, yeah.
21:30How often do you get to?
21:32I don't, Michael.
21:34I'm living in a shitty flat above a cost cutter, so they can't come to me, and I'm not welcome down there, so weeks, months go by between visits.
21:42Sorry.
21:46You're welcome.
21:46This place is named after the dog that found the World Cup.
21:55Pickles.
21:57I don't know what the connection is.
21:59I don't think he was from around here.
22:00It's time to give back what's mine, Michael.
22:07What if she comes back?
22:08Claire is not coming back.
22:09What if she does?
22:10Michael, they found her car on the Severn Bridge.
22:13Yes, and she wasn't in it.
22:14Mate, I don't know whether I miss her as much as you do.
22:16I think about her every day.
22:19She was my sister.
22:21But there's nothing I could have done, and I've made peace with that.
22:25This Christmas, it'll be seven years.
22:28We can apply for a presumption of death.
22:31I want the house back, Michael.
22:34It belongs to me.
22:35What are you going to do, move in?
22:36No, I'm going to sell it.
22:37Well, I'll stay on until you find a buyer.
22:39No one's going to buy it.
22:41The estate is in.
22:42It needs to be cleared out.
22:44There might be structural damage.
22:46There might be...
22:46Got to go.
22:47For Christ's sake, Michael.
22:49I drove past there this afternoon.
22:50The gutter is hanging off.
22:51The garden is impenetrable.
22:52Christ knows what it's like inside.
22:54It's time to take your head out of the sand, mate.
22:57She's not coming back.
22:58Good evening, Olive.
23:24You all right, love?
23:24Hello, Michael.
23:26What's that, fertiliser?
23:29No.
23:30These flowers are all plastic.
23:31Don't need watering.
23:32Don't need fertilising.
23:33All right.
23:34So what is that you were sprinkling?
23:37Slug pellets.
23:38If the flowers are plastic, what are the slugs eating?
23:42The slug pellets.
23:43All right.
23:45Cheerio, then.
23:46I tell you who I saw here today.
23:50Yeah?
23:50Who was that?
23:51Your brother-in-law, Roy.
23:53He was looking for you.
23:56What?
23:57He's dying to make you spend more money.
24:00Well, I say let them.
24:01I don't know what to take over.
24:05Hey, Michael.
24:06Olive.
24:07You all right?
24:09Hello, Michael.
24:10Hello, babe.
24:17Best be off, Olive.
24:18Cheerio, then, Mike.
24:22We were never married.
24:25What's that, love?
24:26It's just you said brother-in-law, but Cleo and I, well, we were never married.
24:34Cheerio.
24:42You're welcome.
24:56Bye-bye.
24:58Let's go.
25:28Let's go.
25:58Let's go.
26:28Come back, come back again.
26:31Elliot!
26:32Come in, lad.
26:33Will you come back, come back again?
26:42I put the kettle on the wise man's song for you.
26:51Let's go.
27:00Let's go.
27:01Let's go.
27:04Let's go.
27:13Let's go.
27:17Let's go.
27:26Let's go.
27:30Let's go.
27:44Let's go.
27:46Let's go.
27:59Excuse me.
28:07Do you sell buckets?
28:09Buckets?
28:09No.
28:11Really?
28:12No call for them.
28:14Old-fashioned.
28:14So, how do people, you know, like, carry water and stuff?
28:19Well, everything's plumbed in these days.
28:21You know, it's piped to wherever it needs to be, so there's no need for anyone to carry
28:24any by hand.
28:25What colour bucket?
28:26Well, it doesn't really matter.
28:27It doesn't really matter.
28:28Any colour.
28:29No.
28:30Sorry, I can't help you.
28:31A hose pipe.
28:32That's the closest we do.
28:33Garden section.
28:36Okay.
28:37Excuse me.
28:38Is that right that you don't sell buckets anymore?
28:41I'm sorry.
28:42Your colleague just told me that you don't sell buckets anymore because they're old-fashioned.
28:48Do you mean those things that people use to carry water in?
28:52Yeah.
28:53Oh.
28:54We haven't stocked buckets in a while, mate.
28:57Tell you what, you might want to try the vintage and antiques Emporium.
29:08Enjoy big savings on salt this summer at toolbox.
29:11White spirit, mess and turban.
29:14Did you see Celebrity Barrel Scrapers last night?
29:16Did I see what?
29:17Celebrity Barrel Scrapers.
29:18It's like, you know Barrel Scrapers, the show?
29:21Well, it's like that, but the celebrity version.
29:23I haven't got to tell it.
29:24Are you serious?
29:25There's a programme called Celebrity Barrel Scrapers.
29:27Yeah.
29:28Didn't recognise any of the celebrities in it, though.
29:30Apart from that bald bloke from, er, what's it called?
29:33It's funny, though.
29:34What did they do, the celebrities?
29:36Just, you know, scrape the barrels out, get them clean.
29:39It gets really messy.
29:40It's dead good.
29:41Hang on, you don't have a TV?
29:43No.
29:44Prick.
29:47Everyone's going to the pub next Friday, to work.
29:49For someone's birthday.
29:50You coming?
29:51Whose birthday?
29:52The bloke who cuts the MDR.
29:53Andre.
29:54Andre.
29:55Mm-hmm.
29:56Maybe.
29:57I'll see.
29:58I think it's all good.
29:59It's all six for a big white beard.
30:01Him!
30:02Him there with a white beard!
30:03Him!
30:04Here we go.
30:08Did you tell that customer we don't sell buckets?
30:10No.
30:11He said you told him we don't sell buckets.
30:13That there's no call for them.
30:14Oh, buckets!
30:15Is that what he was after?
30:17I couldn't understand what he was saying.
30:21What time do you go to bed?
30:23None of your business, Gordon.
30:24It is my business if my staff are falling asleep on their feet and they can't hear the customers properly.
30:29You don't lose your hearing when you're tired.
30:34Hello, Hilary?
30:35Is everything okay?
30:38Okay, I'll be right there.
30:39No.
30:40No, it's fine.
30:41I'm not busy.
30:42No, honestly.
30:43It's not a problem.
30:44Yes.
30:45Okay, I'm on my way.
30:50Got to go.
30:51My dad's lost something.
30:52Lost something?
30:57Have you been on your break?
30:59No.
31:18Oh, hello, love. Sorry.
31:19No, it's all right. What's happened?
31:21I would have waited until you came in later, but he was upsetting threatening to call the police.
31:24Really?
31:25Tina found this on his bed when he was at breakfast and brought it to me.
31:33He noticed it was missing and kicked off.
31:40Bloody hell.
31:42Right.
31:44Well, I'll see if I can get to the bottom of it.
31:46Thanks, Hilary.
31:47Sorry.
31:59Hello, Dad.
32:00I'm glad you're here.
32:01There's a thief in this place and I've had enough.
32:03It's outrageous.
32:04I'm writing a letter.
32:05All right, Dad.
32:06Calm down.
32:07No one stole it.
32:08I've got it here.
32:09They didn't know what it was.
32:11It says quite clearly on the tin what it is.
32:14Poison.
32:15Well, exactly.
32:16They were worried.
32:17I'm not a child.
32:18Why have you got a tin of poison?
32:20What is going on?
32:21Give it here.
32:25One, two, three, four, five, six...
32:27Oh, they were all there.
32:28Thank God for that.
32:29I couldn't replicate these.
32:30Once they're gone, they're gone.
32:31Seriously, Dad.
32:32Why have you got six files of poison?
32:34This is the antidote that dissolves the homunculi.
32:37Only to be used in case of emergency.
32:39It was given to me, I don't know what's in it,
32:41and I couldn't make it again.
32:43Did you find the diaries?
32:45Mike?
32:46Eh?
32:47Did you find the instructions?
32:48Yes.
32:49Excellent.
32:50So have you got it set up?
32:51No, Dad.
32:52I haven't had time.
32:53Well, the sooner you start the chanting,
32:54the sooner you'll be able to get results,
32:56and the sooner you'll be able to ask about clear.
32:58You have to chant to the bottles.
33:01It's all there in the instructions.
33:04What?
33:05What's wrong?
33:09This was in the journal.
33:14There they are.
33:16Oh, my God.
33:18I've forgotten I took this.
33:20Dad, I'm so confused.
33:22I thought that this was just a bedtime story.
33:24I didn't think it might actually be real.
33:26Trust me.
33:27You want to know where Claire is?
33:29When she's coming home?
33:32They can answer any question,
33:33and they're compelled to answer truthfully.
33:35Okay.
33:36Just remind me what they actually are.
33:38Homunculi.
33:40Prophesying spirits.
33:41Right.
33:42I looked up homunculus in the dictionary,
33:45and it said,
33:46a very small humanoid creature.
33:49That's it, yeah?
33:50That's it?
33:53So what?
33:54A human?
33:55An animal?
33:56Is this legal?
33:58Well, it's not illegal.
33:59That doesn't exactly put my mind at rest, Dad.
34:01Trust me.
34:03Yes.
34:04Yes.
34:05All right.
34:06He posts some letters for me.
34:08More competitions?
34:09Yes.
34:10This one's foot spa,
34:11this one's dog grooming classes,
34:13and this one's Lamborghini.
34:14Fingers crossed.
34:15Oh.
34:16And this one,
34:17you'll need a stamp.
34:18You'll have to go to the post office.
34:19It's going to Vancouver.
34:21To my old school friend, Vic.
34:23Right-o.
34:24How is Vic these days?
34:25Much the same.
34:26Not much to say for himself,
34:27but he always asks after you.
34:30After me?
34:31Does he?
34:32Yeah, yeah.
34:33Very interested in what you're up to.
34:34Did I ever meet him?
34:36Maybe once,
34:37when you were little.
34:38Right.
34:39Well,
34:40next time,
34:41tell him I said hello.
34:43What?
34:44Bye-bye.
34:45Bye-bye.
34:48Hey,
34:49Bye-bye.
34:50Once.
34:51You partxape through the Manchester granted,
34:52Wait-bye.
34:54Bye-bye.
34:55Bye-bye.
34:56Bye-bye.
34:57Bye-bye.
34:58Bye-bye.
34:59Hey.
35:01Woo-bye.
35:05Bye-bye.
35:06Bye-bye.
35:08Go.
35:09Bye-bye.
35:40Hello, Olive.
35:43Hello, Michael.
35:45What you got there?
35:47Jars.
35:47Yep, jars.
35:49Big, eh?
35:49Yep, big jars.
35:50What are you sprinkling today?
35:52Ant powder.
35:53Oh, yeah?
35:54Little bastards coming indoors and eating all the cake.
35:57Wankers.
35:58Go to get them early.
35:59Otherwise, they start bloody flying.
36:00You know that?
36:02The sprout wings, I start bloody flying all over the place on 4th of July, independently.
36:07So I'm putting the powder down.
36:09Yeah, that'll learn them.
36:10See you later, Olive.
36:12Cheerio.
36:27Okay, Dad.
36:28I'm doing this, am I?
36:29Hello, this is Michael.
36:50Michael's sleep.
36:51I'm just leaving a message.
36:53I won't be coming in today, I'm afraid.
36:55I've got a bit of a runny bottom.
37:26Morning, Michael.
37:38Morning.
37:39Morning.
37:40You're just getting rid of some stuff.
37:42Yeah, just moving it.
37:44It's about the front here.
37:45That's right.
37:46It's only temporary.
37:53I was going to say, I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to take your edge.
37:56Don't be sorry.
37:58It's lucky, actually.
37:59I spotted a pair of chaffinches nesting in the ivy.
38:03So I'm glad that we didn't disturb them.
38:06Chaffinches.
38:07Chaffinches.
38:11That reminds me.
38:13Your security light at the front is flashing on and off, on and off all night.
38:19Is it?
38:19There must be a branch or a twig or something waving across it.
38:23You probably don't notice it if your bedroom's at the back.
38:25I'll take a look.
38:26Yes, it's on and off, on and off, all night, on and off, on and off.
38:30It's like every few minutes.
38:31It's light pollution.
38:32It's disturbing the little chaffinches.
38:35Light pollution.
38:36Okay.
38:36Just off to the DIY store.
38:38Do you need anything?
38:39No, thanks.
38:39Are you sure?
38:40I get a staff discount.
38:42No, thanks.
38:43Okay.
38:43Let's do it.
39:13Let's do it.
39:43All right, Skiver.
39:50What, you other shit?
39:52Shh.
39:53Don't let him know I'm here.
39:54Do you know, I'm having to do twice as much work as you.
39:56Well, you usually do fuck all, so twice fuck all is still fuck all.
40:00Hmm.
40:01Why are you here?
40:02I need you to get some stuff for me.
40:06Jesus.
40:08All right, let me finish for SIG.
40:09And, uh, remember to get the staff discount.
40:12Okay.
40:12Okay.
40:12Okay.
40:12Let me finish for you.
40:20Okay.
40:21Bye.
40:22Bye.
40:23Bye.
40:23Bye.
40:24Bye.
40:24Bye!
40:25Bye.
40:25Bye.
40:33Bye.
40:33Bye.
40:34Try it, okay.
40:35Bye.
40:36Bye.
40:36Bye.
40:36Bye.
40:37Bye.
40:37Bye.
40:38Oh, daddy, go, go, go, go, go!
41:08Are you building a bop?
41:09No.
41:10Crystal meth?
41:12What?
41:13Well, what's all this for?
41:15I'm cleaning me fish tank.
41:17What fish have you got?
41:18Pilchard.
41:19You're lying.
41:20It's for a project.
41:21I'll tell you about it another time.
41:23Did he see you, Gordon?
41:24No.
41:25Casey, I just wanted to say you've still got me credit card.
41:33You're welcome.
41:38Bye.
41:44Bye.
41:46Bye.
41:48Bye.
41:51Bye.
42:24Before the jars are sealed, in each must be placed a mineral seed item, from which
42:52the homunculus will grow.
42:55The seeds must be carefully selected and be specific to the creature's station.
43:01For the knight, a brass key.
43:05For the monk, the nib of a pen.
43:09For the peasant, a plain undecorated button.
43:14For the seraph, a crystal of amethyst.
43:17For the queen, a gold ring.
43:21And for the king, a silver coin.
43:24As old as you can find.
43:25Why does he have to behave like this?
43:34It's like every little thing he does is designed to wind me up.
43:38I mean, what in the hell's his problem?
43:41Bev.
43:44Huh?
43:44I'm saying, what's his problem?
43:47Who?
43:47Gandalf the frigging grey, who do you think?
43:49It sounds like you're the one with the problem.
43:51Why can't you just ignore him?
43:53How can I with that racket going on?
44:01Why can't it just be normal?
44:03What are you doing?
44:05Put a mirror down there.
44:06Oh, and that's normal as hell.
44:07I believe he's had the nerve to complain about our security light.
44:10Light pollution has accused me of.
44:14I mean, his place is crawly with vermin.
44:16The amount of insects in his garden is disgusting.
44:19Spiders, wasps, bees.
44:23And the effing sparrows chirping all day long in the bushes.
44:27It drives me insane.
44:32Sacris celebnis, I unctus in Gaudia.
44:36Et ex-precordis, sonnets...
44:39Great.
44:41He's praying.
44:42That's all we need.
44:44A religious fanatic.
44:46Bev.
44:48What?
44:49What are you listening to?
44:50A podcast.
44:51About what?
44:52Sex trafficking.
44:56Et ex-precordis, sonnets, preconia.
45:01Resedant, recidant, recidant, vetera, vetera.
45:05Sacris celebnis, I unctus in Gaudia.
45:09Et ex-precordis, sonnets.
45:14Sacris celebnis, I unctus in Gaudia.
45:20Et ex-precordis.
45:22Honus.
45:43Hello?
45:44Are you coming to the pub?
45:45Who is this?
45:47Casey.
45:48Are you coming to the pub?
45:49What time is it?
45:50I don't know.
45:51Look, we're at the open as usual.
45:53You said you'd come.
45:54Why do you want me to come to the pub so much?
45:56I'm not asking you out on a date.
45:57I'm just saying we're at the pub.
45:58For fuck's sake, I'm just being friendly.
46:00All right, I'm sorry.
46:02Which pub?
46:03Open as usual.
46:04All right?
46:10Yeah?
46:11You all right?
46:12You made it.
46:15You must be made up.
46:16Yeah, I might start weeping.
46:26Oh, here he is.
46:27What, Eddie Birdie?
46:28Hey, someone get this man a drink.
46:30Michael, Michael, are you a train spotter?
46:35No.
46:37Are you a virgin?
46:38What are you talking about?
46:39How old are you?
46:40Fifty.
46:41Fifty-year-old virgin.
46:43Shut up, Brigham.
46:44How old are you?
46:45Five.
46:46I love this freak.
46:49My mate used to work at a restaurant when you worked there.
46:52Some burger place.
46:53Oh, yeah.
46:53Burgers, burgers, burgers.
46:55On the ice street.
46:56Yeah, said he stripped off in front of all the customers.
46:58Only to be vest and pants.
47:00Only to be vest and pants.
47:02What for?
47:03I was resigning.
47:04They wanted the uniform back.
47:05My mate said, right, he swipes a bonoffy pie off the counter,
47:09comes out front, strips off,
47:10flicks the manager of the bird,
47:11and then walks out of his boxes.
47:13Is that true?
47:14Nearly.
47:15It was a sticky toffee pudding,
47:17and I had to come back because my clothes and keys
47:19were in the staff room.
47:20Oh, no, no.
47:21I'm only having the what?
47:22I've got the car.
47:23Leave it here.
47:24Get the bus.
47:25Where do you live?
47:26Marvin Gardens, just off the Wilmslow Road.
47:28Oh, my God.
47:28Yeah, I know.
47:29Listen, it's a 20-minute walk from here.
47:30You're fine.
47:31But do you know Danielle?
47:32She used to live on the corner of Marvin Gardens.
47:35I was mates with her at school.
47:36I hadn't spoken to her in years, though.
47:37She went off to catering college.
47:39Oh, my God.
47:40There used to be this house on Marvin Gardens, right,
47:42that was just, like, full of junk.
47:44And, like, the garden was an absolute jungle.
47:46And, I mean, this bloke lived there, but nobody saw him.
47:48Well, Danielle saw him a few times.
47:50But, anyways, he murdered his wife.
47:54Yeah.
47:55Everyone knew.
47:55I mean, the police dug up his garden and everything,
47:57but they never found out.
47:59They reckon he dissolved her in battery acid
48:00and flushed her down the loo, so he got away with it.
48:03How long you lived there?
48:04Oh, my God, that's your house.
48:20Did you murder your wife?
48:24I was never married.
48:26But, no, I've never murdered anyone,
48:28let alone flush somebody down the toilet.
48:30Come to think of it,
48:36everything Danielle said was absolute bullshit.
48:38Michael!
48:39Michael!
48:41Do you like Star Trek?
48:47After a couple of weeks,
48:48we can't find it.
48:49We can't find it.
48:50He's just looking at you, isn't he?
48:51So, were you really an underwater welder?
49:04What's that?
49:04Were you really an underwater welder?
49:07Oh, no.
49:08I made that up.
49:09I knew it, you bullshitter.
49:11I went down the two-hour underwater welding rabbit hole last night.
49:15I mean, I watch videos on YouTube.
49:18I know everything about it.
49:19So, how does that work, then?
49:20The fire underwater thing?
49:23I'm not telling you.
49:30Your mate's story,
49:32it wasn't all bullshit, though.
49:35The police did dig up my garden.
49:37Did me a favour, actually.
49:39Had to clear up afterwards.
49:40Left it in a better state than it was before.
49:43Oh, well, what were they looking for, then?
49:46My girlfriend.
49:47She left one day.
49:49She never came back.
49:51Everyone thought I'd killed her for a while.
49:55I didn't kill her.
49:57I love her.
50:00Michael!
50:01Do you collect stamps?
50:02Why do you find me so weird, Brigham?
50:05I don't get it.
50:05Just don't worry about him.
50:07No, I don't understand.
50:08Is it simply because I have a beard?
50:11Or because I don't go on the paintballing trips?
50:15Because that ain't that bloody weird, is it?
50:17Jason wears gold boots with wings on.
50:20But here you all are, ripping into me.
50:23Oh, careful.
50:24Watch out.
50:24We're stripped down.
50:25But only to his vest of pants.
50:27You don't know anything about me.
50:30You knew what I'm actually growing in my shed.
50:32Stop right there.
50:35Thank you very much.
50:36What are you actually growing in your shed?
50:38What you don't know is that I am actually growing her monkey life.
50:44I beg your pardon?
50:46Her monkey life.
50:47They are prophesying spirits that can predict the future.
50:53And I am growing them in jars in my shed.
50:56So when I'm winning billions on the lottery,
50:59you won't be laughing then, will you?
51:02Eh?
51:03What are you on the boat?
51:05Homonculi!
51:05All right.
51:06Get you home, yeah?
51:08Are you all right?
51:15I'm fine.
51:20So, what are you growing in jars in your shed?
51:25Homonculi.
51:27And what's a homonculi?
51:29No.
51:30No.
51:31Homonculi is plural.
51:33Homonculus is singular.
51:35And they are creatures.
51:36They're like little people.
51:38They're like little people in jars.
51:41Like sea monkeys?
51:42They're a little bit like sea monkeys,
51:44but they can predict the future.
51:46Fuchsia.
51:48I had sea monkeys once.
51:50They were really disappointing.
51:51Like, the advert said that they were so eager to please,
51:54but my ones, they couldn't give an apparent fuck.
51:56They're not sea monkeys.
51:58They're monkey life.
51:59Can I come and see them?
52:01No.
52:02Nobody can see them at the moment,
52:03because they are invisible to the human naked eye.
52:07So, no.
52:08No.
52:09Okay.
52:11You'll have to walk me home.
52:12I'm fine.
52:13Mate, I'm not walking you home.
52:14I live this way, yeah.
52:15Fine.
52:17Fine.
52:21This is me.
52:22All right, yeah, cool.
52:23Fine.
52:24I'm just.
52:25I'm sorry.
52:26I'm sorry.
52:30I have to leave the picture now.
52:45I have to leave it.
52:46Here we go.
52:47I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
52:49I don't know.
53:19I don't know.
53:49I don't know.
54:19I don't know.
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