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00:00Welcome, and in the next half hour, news bulletin bloopers.
00:19It actually says for sex, sex in there.
00:23All creatures not so great.
00:25And some dodgy daytime TV.
00:31That's what's known as the Freudian slip.
00:36So let's commence the cock-ups.
00:43Ghosts, and how hard can it be to do a simple scene of dropping a phone in the bath?
00:49Well, it turns out very hard indeed.
00:54Wonderful.
00:54Yes, Messi, yes, the name for the book is...
00:57Oh, no!
00:58Oh, no!
00:59Oh, no!
01:02Oh, no, not the Cabernet Sauvignon.
01:11When in Rome, do what the Romans do.
01:14For me, that means have a limoncello spritz and drive badly.
01:19Of course, you could always have a sing-song.
01:20We're going to a village.
01:22We'll have a little village.
01:24I need to find some...
01:26Oh, **** it.
01:27Sorry, lad.
01:28Hmm, interesting use of Latin.
01:30Sorry!
01:34To Coronation Street, where it's all drama, all the time, even before the cameras start rolling.
01:40Thanks, we are at speed.
01:43Thanks, we are at speed.
01:46Okay, and action.
01:48Whee!
01:50Oh, you've set the alarm up.
01:53Someone's hot part was a little too hot.
01:55Over to Love Island, and nothing says romantic ambience more than a liaison conducted from two sweaty beanbags on AstroTurf.
02:07My family are from Maine.
02:08I mean, this witty repartee between Whitney and Lockham isn't exactly Noel Coward, is it?
02:13What?
02:14The more I speak to you, it's like, it does get better.
02:17What's, what's like red flags to you?
02:19Yeah, Whitney, what are your red flags?
02:21Giant insects, perhaps?
02:23Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
02:26Don't move.
02:27Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
02:30It's gone, it's gone.
02:31Yes!
02:32That was good, though.
02:33I'll have what she's having I hope Meg Ryan impressions aren't lockens red flag
02:51It's the classy crime drama McDonald and Dodds where the real mystery for Jason Watkins is why are they filming this on a flight path?
03:01You knew this man was following you. It's Greek Mafia isn't it when he knew that he was followed
03:08Let's just wait for this
03:14Any minute now
03:21Any minute
03:26Is there more than one plane?
03:30Where is this the car park at Stansted Airport?
03:39Oh, give it up and go for a tea break
03:42The 906 to the Maldives
03:50Oh, I think I need a week in the Maldives myself after that stressful wait
03:57Emma Dale with a rather intense scene from Noah's stalker storyline
04:01Although his first take did miss a vital twist in the tail
04:05What, so you're dumping me?
04:07When you're the dirty slapper who slept with my mate
04:10Noah?
04:11Noah? I barely met her
04:13Just...wow
04:15I'm sorry, Chloe
04:17I'll just shut up you
04:27I forgot to turn
04:28Well, you won't win a TV Quick Award without the twist
04:33Over to Britain's Got Talent
04:34And I'm afraid you'll need your opera glasses for this one
04:37What do you mean you don't have any opera glasses?
04:40Watch what happens when Ant decides to join diversity
04:44Pay close attention to the left-hand side of the stage
04:48Watch what happens when Ant decides to join diversity
04:50Pay close attention to the left-hand side of the stage
04:53Oh, I'll be back
05:02Wow
05:04If you didn't catch that, I won't tell you
05:08That was quite a heavy fall
05:12Well, it might be hard to see
05:14But Ant has an honest face
05:16So I'm happy to accept his word
05:18Wow
05:20Are you okay?
05:21I don't know if I am okay, so I won't myself and fart at the same time.
05:27I'll admit, doing both of those things at the same time is a clever trick and,
05:31but I'm afraid, it is not an act suitable for the Royal Variety Show.
05:35I can't confirm he did fart.
05:38And I can confirm he did fall.
05:41The BGT producers found a better angle.
05:44No, no, you don't want to see into it.
05:46And they were more than happy to share it.
05:54I'm claiming, I tell you.
05:56When there's clear, there's a claim. That was a very slippery stage.
05:59You better lie her up, Simon.
06:00Yeah, Simon, lie her up.
06:01I'm coming after you.
06:03Now, I...
06:03Look at my heart lounging.
06:05All right, thanks, Bruno.
06:07Yeah, Bruno, no need to rub it in.
06:10That's my job.
06:16News cock-ups now.
06:22Although the news can be so depressing nowadays,
06:25which is why I love it when it goes wrong.
06:27I know you parrot the government's propaganda
06:30on what happens around Europe.
06:32This is a bit richer.
06:32You parrot Labour at morning, noon and night.
06:34One of the European trade union leaders...
06:36Attacked to a Labour trip.
06:37What you see about minimum standards is...
06:40Whoa!
06:41That's what I'm quoting.
06:43Hang on a moment.
06:44Well, that is Labour. That's Labour propaganda for you.
06:47Quoting a European trade union leader, because across Europe...
06:50Sorry, we can't get past Ofcom regulations
06:53just because you're quoting someone else.
06:55Yeah, you tell him, Susanna.
06:57An apology for people who are offended by that word.
07:00If I said, all right, you said something that rhymes with rollocks,
07:03how's that? Are we all right there?
07:05Well, I think we all know what word you were referring to,
07:07Kevin, as you said it.
07:08He is still talking it.
07:09And if you've been offended by anything I've said this evening,
07:12please bear in mind that I've said it all using air quotes.
07:17Well, it is minus 13 tonight,
07:20which is why most people are off the streets.
07:22There are a few people out here tonight.
07:24STV reporter David Marsland.
07:26He's been sent out into the freezing cold
07:28to chat to local business owners
07:30and is now cursing his colleagues back in the warm studio.
07:35Don't worry, David.
07:36By the end of this report, you'll be burning with embarrassment.
07:39People get on with it, you know.
07:42You can't just stop just because of the weather.
07:44And people have been talking about the community
07:46being kind of locked in here, unable to get out of doing it.
07:49Have you seen new faces or maybe old faces coming back?
07:53I'm afraid you can't see any faces.
07:55We're blurring them for reasons that will become obvious.
07:58But I've had a couple of newcomers coming in
08:00because of people just getting stuck in their cars.
08:03I've had public murder in their stock,
08:04a couple from Aberdeen just couldn't get anywhere, you know.
08:07Yeah, it's a cold and clear night.
08:11We may even see a full moon.
08:13It's one of those people in there, I think.
08:15It is.
08:17BBC News, known for its objectivity and impartiality.
08:21I think my favourite thing about BBC presenters
08:23is that you never, ever know what they're really thinking.
08:27The average age of a US senator is 64.
08:31And by way of comparison,
08:33President Joe Biden is 80 years old.
08:35Donald Trump...
08:36Donald Trump, pardon me, is 77.
08:38I don't know.
08:39You might have been right the first time.
08:42Yeah.
08:43A school collapse...
08:44ITV News and an interview with Gillian Keegan,
08:47an education secretary who perhaps needed re-educating
08:50about what it means to be on camera.
08:52But you're saying that the government is not responsible,
08:55ultimately, for the safety of children in school?
08:58The school building's responsibility is with local authorities.
09:02OK. Thank you very much.
09:04Gillian knows the crew are still rolling,
09:06but unfortunately, so is she.
09:09Does anyone ever say,
09:11you know what, you've done a f***ing good job
09:12cos everyone else has sat on their arse and done nothing?
09:15No signs of that?
09:17No, Gillian, I don't think many TV reporters do say that,
09:20especially not on the Teatime News.
09:24From our Perth headquarters,
09:26this is Seven News with Susanna Carr and Rick Arden.
09:30In Australia, there is breaking news
09:32about an emergency at Perth Airport
09:34as a plane is forced to return due to a fault.
09:37It's all very dramatic
09:38as they go live to their reporter, Rory.
09:40Rory, what happened?
09:45Rory?
09:48Rory?
09:48Looks like they'll have to send someone else down
09:51to report on what's happened to Rory during his report.
09:55Sorry about that.
09:56We hope to go back to that story later.
10:00BBC News Look North,
10:02where distinguished broadcaster Peter Levy
10:04illustrates the age-old saying,
10:06when you're in a hole, keep giggling.
10:09Now, it's estimated that the bill
10:11to repair Lincoln's glory hole
10:13will be anything between £60,000 and £100,000.
10:20The footpath has been closed since February
10:23and Lincolnshire County Council
10:24have blamed difficulties in accessing the site
10:27and the extent...
10:28Peter, what are you laughing at?
10:30I don't understand.
10:31And it's another news clip to take us to the break.
10:44The doctor will see you now.
10:46Let's bring in emergency doctor, Kim Hansen,
10:48and Dr Maureen Williams, a patient advocate.
10:50Thank you so much for your time, ladies.
10:52Appreciate it.
10:52But what is about to have everyone's heart rate
10:55jumping through the roof?
10:58Find out when we return.
10:59Welcome back.
11:14Before the break, we were down under
11:16for a medical discussion,
11:18which is absolutely not the same thing
11:20as having a medical discussion about down under.
11:25But did you guess what would have everyone's heart rate
11:28jumping through the roof?
11:29OK, look, sorry to interrupt.
11:32We're just running out of time.
11:33The Emergency Medicine Foundation
11:35is pledging $1.3 million towards tackling this crisis.
11:40How will that help?
11:43It empowers us.
11:44Sorry, there's something very big behind you.
11:46Can you see that magpie?
11:48Oh, dear.
11:49It looks like you're going to need an emergency department after that.
11:52As long as it's not swirping, Carlos,
11:54they might be OK.
11:55All right, now try and proceed with caution if you can.
12:02Yes, proceed with caution.
12:04Under no circumstances start waving around a pasty.
12:07And do not wander around with a big bag of chips.
12:10I've got to work out how to fix this really complex problem.
12:13Has anyone got a big gun?
12:16Well, that's not very humane.
12:18These medical professionals have vowed to do no harm.
12:21Hey, ladies, I'm just riveted to this shot.
12:23I mean, if we can just take one more clean shot of it.
12:26There we go.
12:27Ladies, thank you for bearing with all sorts of problems this morning,
12:31especially a giant-sized...
12:33Magpie.
12:34Magpie in the background.
12:38Some more animal cock-ups now,
12:41and James has gone outside to show off his strictly moves
12:44to his guests and pet dog.
12:46Not sure what this has got to do with cooking, really.
12:48It's all a bit of a dog's dinner.
12:50What happened to my kids?
12:53I'm not sure about this cape.
12:54It's a bit of a disaster, the cape, actually.
12:57OK?
12:58So, one, two...
13:01Oh, no!
13:01James, what's happened?
13:08I think the ball won.
13:10Now it really is a dog's dinner.
13:13James, don't let him eat your beautiful face.
13:15This is the most stupid programme.
13:19That's why we love it, James.
13:21My weekend just wouldn't be the same without it.
13:24Shall we go down by the river?
13:27The real housewives of Cheshire.
13:30They look a lot hairier than I remember.
13:32Oh, my mistake.
13:34There they are.
13:35Don't make eye contact.
13:37Do they bite you?
13:38Can I help it?
13:39Oh, my God, why are you putting it back down, you idiot?
13:48I'm tired.
13:50I'm wanting to come home.
13:52Well, good luck, because I think, in all the commotion,
13:55one of the other monkeys nicked your passport.
13:56Oh, my God!
13:58Oh, Tony, calm down.
13:59Calm down.
13:59Calm down.
14:00And for these young orphaned elephants,
14:05this charitable foundation is what they call home.
14:07This reporter is at the Sheldrick Wildlife Trust in Kenya.
14:12A haven for elephants and rhinos.
14:14But what about a haven for harassed reporters?
14:17Where's their haven?
14:18Human actions are destroying habitats,
14:20decimating our entire ecosystem
14:22and disrupting the circle of life.
14:25And with the rise in drought cases,
14:27it is up to us to be guardians of our own natural world,
14:30save our wild species and provide a home.
14:33Pledge now to save endangered reporters.
14:39You ready, Pete?
14:40Natural world are telling the story
14:42of a wildlife hospital near Alice Springs.
14:46Pete the wombat is much better,
14:47but before his medication, he still gets nervous.
14:51Give me a treat.
14:55It wasn't me.
14:58Oh, jeez.
14:59Funny boy.
15:01This is your favourite.
15:03I'm the same before an injection.
15:06Sorry, doctor, if you're watching,
15:07but thanks for letting me sit on your knee.
15:09In a moment, he's going to have his medication.
15:11David Mitchell's outsiders and Judy Love and Gus Kahn
15:16can handle a crowd, but can they handle a llama?
15:21Don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move, don't move.
15:24Don't move, don't move.
15:25Carmela.
15:26Oh.
15:35Carmela.
15:36Carmela.
15:37But Judy needn't worry.
15:39Carmela seems a lot more interested in David's film crew.
15:43Oh.
15:44She can carry items.
15:46All right.
15:46Where the f*** are you going?
15:48Come this way.
15:49Je me me me.
15:50Good.
15:51Lovely.
15:52Don't fight her.
15:54I think this would be a great time for a recording pause.
15:57Gus, let go, or she'll drag you back to South America.
16:00The brave Steve Backshaw is in Argentina looking for anaconda.
16:09Oh, Steve, why can't you present something nice involving antiques?
16:13I don't remember anyone being choked by a snake on Bargain Hunt.
16:17Careful, Steve, you're looking for anaconda, not your car keys.
16:21Ah!
16:21That was a caiman, and I've just been given a really nasty bite.
16:28Are you all right?
16:28Yes.
16:29Honestly, I'd be running screaming, but stalwart Steve just carries on.
16:34Um, I've just had one of my first nasty bites from an animal, just trodden on a caiman here,
16:40and it's whipped round and taken a good chunk out of my leg.
16:48Um, so unfortunately, anaconda hunting is off for the rest of the day.
16:53It's an extreme way to pull a sickie.
16:56I don't think I'll be trying it any time soon.
16:58Bye, Steve, that's it, off you go.
17:01Don't worry about your crew stranded in this swamp full of anaconda and caiman.
17:04LAUGHTER
17:05Daytime TV disasters now, and of course, the worst thing that can happen on daytime TV
17:20is when it all goes a little bit...nighttime TV.
17:24It opens to people in England only, and if you sign up by going to our website
17:27and pledging 180 minutes a week for sex...for six...
17:31It actually says for sex...sex in there.
17:34It does say.
17:36Can you...
17:36Can you...
17:37Can you show...
17:38There's a question mark as well.
17:40Can we show them the prompt?
17:41Show them the prompt on three.
17:42There you go.
17:43That wasn't me.
17:44That wasn't me.
17:46It's in the prompt.
17:47Just because it's in the prompt, it doesn't mean you have to read it out, though, does it?
17:51You can read that in one go.
17:53In one go.
17:54In one go, yeah.
17:56BBC Breakfast are chatting to the Morning Live team,
18:00and it's up to Gethin and Jeanette to tempt viewers with what's coming up.
18:04Or should that be, what's going down?
18:08And if you've got aches and pains or maybe even a stiff back,
18:11don't miss Strictly Fitness,
18:12because Jeanette's got just the thing to make you feel good.
18:15Like a cat.
18:16Like a cat.
18:21I've tasted the tea on Morning Live,
18:23so I'm pretty sure Jeanette would have done that on purpose.
18:27Timing was perfect, wasn't it?
18:29Well, get that cleaned up.
18:31See you at 9.15.
18:34Ireland AM,
18:36where the presenters are often in trouble with their producers
18:38for using cheeky innuendos.
18:41Still, that doesn't stop them trying to slip something in.
18:45Very nice.
18:45This is a delicious dessert,
18:47and it explodes in your mouth, Alan.
18:49Don't Alan Hughes.
18:52Don't Alan.
18:54Stop it.
18:56Stop.
18:57Are you laughing at me?
18:58Are you laughing at me?
18:59No.
19:00No, Catherine, I don't think it's you he's laughing at.
19:04But they're really chocolate fondant cakes.
19:06Do you know where you get the chocolate?
19:08Alan, pull yourself together.
19:11The melted chocolate comes out.
19:13Have you got that?
19:14Right.
19:15Now, timing is important for this.
19:17Anyway, we'll get to it.
19:20Oh, dear.
19:22Derek!
19:23Save us as it went out there in the summer.
19:26Honestly, a duval entendre was enough.
19:28There was no need to go for the triple.
19:30Catherine, that looks delicious.
19:32Can't wait to taste it later on.
19:35New swim in,
19:36and I've heard of make-up being piled on,
19:39but not like this.
19:40Hemorrhoid cream, right?
19:42Now, we all know where we normally put that.
19:45But a make-up artist told me...
19:46What?
19:55That's what's known as a Freudian slip.
19:58A make-up artist
19:59told me that the old Hollywood sirens,
20:04you know, the Greta Garbo's, whatever,
20:06put it on their face
20:07because it tightens up the skin
20:10and makes it...
20:11And I was going to show you,
20:12but sadly, we've run out of time.
20:14Out of time.
20:15Talk about hitting rock bottom.
20:17Thanks to all the talented production teams
20:30and stars for their cock-ups,
20:32we've just time for one more
20:33from Richard Osman's House of Games.
20:36Tom Rosenthal is about to draw
20:37a famous historical figure.
20:40I hope.
20:41You'll have 30 seconds to draw that figure.
20:43Cyndi, you've got 30 seconds to guess
20:44and your time starts now.
20:52Planet, telescope...
20:54I mean, goodness me.
20:57Planet, telescope, stars...
20:59Galileo?
21:03Yes.
21:04Galileo.
21:05Galileo.
21:06Wow, great.
21:07I bet Galileo never thought
21:08he'd look like that.
21:09It's not the best drawing I've ever seen,
21:13but the good news is
21:13you're going to get 250 quid
21:15every time that's shown on it
21:16will be all right in the night
21:17for a long time to come.
21:19Maybe he can invest that money
21:21in some art classes.
21:23Thanks for watching
21:24and good night.
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