- 1 week ago
There’s not a shortage of worldly happenings that have occurred over the last few years that have left everyone shaken up and it’s time to have a transparent conversation about how best this generation can move forward. Amongst cultural, gender, and identity discoveries, what are the best practices to balance personal and uncontrollable happenings? In the conversation, the panelist will discuss recognizing trauma, and safe and progressive mental health practices.
Category
🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00this next conversation just might be the most important one of the day
00:06anybody know what the topic is yeah y'all guessed it it's it's mental health
00:13specifically they'll be talking about how to block out those noises and take control of
00:19your mental health in the midst of all of the crazy the crazy things that's going on in this
00:23world and for the past few years so here to help us unpack all of that please welcome the
00:29essence gu associate editor miss dashonda brown
00:33give it up for reginae y'all thank you how's everybody doing today all right y'all sound a
00:44little tired how's everybody doing today all right so thank you so much reginae for bringing me out i
00:51hope everybody's having a good time my name is dashonda brown i am the associate girls united
00:55editor here at essence and essence girls united and anybody who knows me knows that mental health
01:00is my jam i love to unpack all the things about mental health about trauma about triggers so we're
01:07going to get into that today because y'all know that as black women we got to talk about mental
01:11health am i right okay so i just want to do a quick temperature check how's everybody's mental health
01:17doing listen this is a safe space be honest how how are y'all doing stressed stressed tired
01:24thrive thriving surviving surviving that's real and these are all things that we're going to talk
01:30about today at gu summit because we want to make sure that we have a safe space for us we want to
01:34make sure that we feel heard so the importance of this conversation is to make sure that we feel
01:39like we're having those conversations so i want to bring up none other than licensed therapist
01:43and founder of black female therapist amber d to have this conversation with me
01:48y'all give it up for the dress the dress is dressing
01:53hey beautiful how you doing how are you listen we friends today yes we are take a seat anywhere
02:01honey take a seat all right let's talk let's get into it so first everybody looking good yeah
02:08everybody say hi she's she's a therapist y'all give it give it up for the therapist yes who here
02:14who here has a therapist let okay listen therapy is important listen anybody who needs one there's no
02:22shame in it we love therapists my therapist is my best friend she doesn't know that but we're best
02:27friends she knows literally everything about me more than my man and my family does same same listen
02:31okay and i love the fact that a therapist has a therapist absolutely it is a must because it's a lot
02:36that we take on ourselves from going in and listening to all that and having all of that
02:40baggage we also have stuff that we deal with too so we're like oh girl let me tell you what happened
02:45today listen i've been calling up my therapist like yo stephanie bruh you will not believe listen
02:51me we be kikiing but i'm so excited to talk to you today about black women and mental health so
02:58first things first when we think about what it means to evaluate the state of your mental health
03:03on your own because we got to talk about the importance of self-awareness and checking in
03:07with yourself what does that look like for for you guys and for you specifically i know for me like
03:12mental health check-ins means actually sitting down and y'all know like those 90s r&b shower cries
03:19that like usher and mariah carey be doing like that like that's me i'd be like in the shower like
03:23crying like kim kardashian type of cry but that's the way that i check in with myself like i do a
03:29temperature check so what does a self-check-in look like for you yeah i think you know with
03:35everyday life we have so much going on and you're so in the day-to-day of things right and you may not
03:41be aware that something is going on with you so i always think it's super super important whether
03:46it's at the beginning of the day whether you're journaling whether it's in the midday when you're
03:51taking a break for yourself i'm always big on checking in with yourself and seeing what's going
03:55on like what are you feeling or it could be at the end of the day and saying like how how did i
04:00experience today what did i go through what you know i was feeling anxious today why because sometimes
04:05we can't pinpoint what it is like something is going on but i don't know what it is so i think
04:10it's super important to check in with yourself to see what's happening instead of sticking with the
04:14day-to-day and i think that is so many distractions social media is one of the things right where we
04:20sometimes don't even get a chance to even check in because we are distracted by other things that's
04:26going on so it's super important like i said for you to make sure that you check in with yourself i
04:31tell all my clients that or anybody i'm talking to like how are you feeling and that is super important
04:36and it's not a burden i feel like a lot of people also feel like that right my friend might call me and
04:40say hey do you have the space for this and i love that she does that because i have a ton of things
04:45going on but it's important that you to call and talk to somebody about it because you just never
04:52really know what you don't know until you check in with yourself and that's super important because
04:57what i do when i do interviews is that before i talk to anybody i don't care if they're a celebrity
05:02if they're an influencer if they're my boss like honestly the first thing i do when i talk to somebody
05:07how are you doing how's your mental health doing because i could be asking you for a favor and today
05:13just might not be your day right you never know what somebody has going on in their mind so i was
05:17just literally just talking to um alicia pasqual pena who's going to be on the next panel check that out
05:23um about how mental health check-ins are so important because you never know what somebody's going through
05:27you know like they could have like hundreds of millions of followers they can be out in paris peru
05:32whatever but that person could be you know grieving that person can be stressed out that person could
05:37like you say feel very anxious and triggered so it's very important to have those check-ins
05:41absolutely and i think that also opens the door for someone to even sit down and recognize like
05:47yeah i actually am not and i'm thank you for even asking me because i haven't even had anyone to talk
05:52to this about you know and i think that that makes it where you have that space where someone does feel
05:57comfortable with uh telling you what they have going on because if no one asks then they might just feel
06:02like i'm a burden you know or also having that black woman uh super woman syndrome where you feel like
06:07you can take it all and whatever my issues are don't i don't want to put that on anybody else i just
06:12have to deal with it that's definitely a killer for us that we have to start learning how to let go
06:17and start receiving ourselves and that's the whole process but i love that you do that so thank you and
06:23i'm gonna probably start doing it too i actually don't even think i asked you how are you doing
06:27busy no i'm good um i'm really trying to find my new way i'm a new mom first time mom congratulations
06:38thank you give it up congrats thank you and that is a whole other level right so i'm used to telling
06:45people in therapy like oh you need to do this you need to do that and i'm like oh what i'm supposed to
06:49do i don't know what to do so definitely having support has been super important for me um and
06:55that makes a world of difference even when my friend just call and say hey girl how are you doing
07:00thank you for calling me girl let me tell you what happened today you know so it's super important so
07:06thank you for checking no anytime and how many of y'all checked in with yourselves today transparently
07:10how many of y'all feel like you know holding yourself accountable and saying okay i need to do that
07:16more it starts with ourselves you know like sometimes it's really important to have that
07:21that moment of quiet like even if it's like five minutes and you're stepping outside of your job
07:26or you're taking a walk and just being like yo i'm not good today like today just wasn't my day like
07:30i may look good i may sound good but you know today's just not that day and it's it's okay for your
07:35day to not be your day it is and the good thing about that is you can wake up and start again tomorrow
07:40and it's start fresh like today's not the day that's okay we're gonna start clean tomorrow
07:45absolutely and a common thing that we hear people today mention when they talk about mental health
07:50is just needing a break like how how many y'all were telling yourselves today i need a break
07:56like just like and there's nothing wrong with needing a break like just put it who wants to
08:01just put a pause sometimes like if life just had like a pause button so apart from things like
08:05listen it it me so apart from things like taking a social media break and taking a vacation what are
08:13other ways that we can do to safely tend to our mental health and wellness yeah that's a really
08:19good question i think one huge thing is boundaries setting boundaries because if you're saying no to
08:26saying yes to other people you're saying no to yourself and when you do that what are you what are you
08:32losing right you're adding other things onto your plate or you're taking on the stress of someone else or
08:39you're carrying baggage that's not yours to carry right because i'm trying to help my friend or i'm
08:44trying to do this oh she asked me to go to this event i really don't want to go but i'm gonna just
08:49go oh okay i do need to do this homework or uh she asked me to do this and you just keep taking taking
08:56on taking on and you are saying no to yourself when you do that so i think that's one that's super super
09:01important is when you take a break you have to look at those like how am i setting boundaries and how am i
09:06enforcing those boundaries and i know it's really really hard especially for people who are people
09:11pleasers um to say no but you have to start small look she said not me i feel like you're yelling at
09:17me when you said people pleasers but you have to start small even though it's the smallest thing
09:24of saying no but understanding not worrying about what the other person think but how did that make
09:29you feel and what did that give you time to do did that give you time back to like you say
09:33hey go for a walk because if i was helping my friend i wouldn't be able to take this walk or
09:39maybe i wouldn't be able to journal or maybe i wouldn't be able to take a bubble bath or go get
09:44my nails done or whatever that is that you need to do for yourself because you said no to you and you
09:49said yes to someone else so boundaries is super super important for you do to yourself of course
09:54you know working out i think another another one i just thought about this popped in my head is
09:59celebrating ourselves we do not do that enough right we look at sometimes we look at our
10:05accomplishments and be like you know it could be something that's small like i wanted to lose 10
10:10pounds and i did it that's a celebration like girl i hit that goal yeah you might your big goal might be
10:1850 pounds or something like that but you did 10 pounds you did five pounds that's progress so whatever
10:24it is whatever goal you're setting we need to start celebrating ourselves more instead of
10:28procrastinating and delaying that and acting as if it doesn't matter because it does you know so
10:33those two things boundaries celebrating ourselves more working out of course um getting rest limiting
10:40our time on social media i know it's so cliche we say it all the time but you know that we compare
10:47you know and you're looking at your friend like it me all the time right all the time listen i do it
10:52too and i'm like and once i get there and i start to feel myself comparing when we start doing
10:57that and i feel my anxiety starts to go up because when you start when you have anxiety you tend to
11:03start being more critical of yourself like what what's wrong with me what what am i doing wrong
11:08that's a good time to take a break right and we start limiting ourselves and instead of
11:11doing that what else could you be doing at that time when you feel yourself getting bored and you're
11:15reaching for your phone and going on social media instead of going on social media what else is
11:19something that you can do that could be pouring into yourself
11:21is it writing yourself a letter is it journaling i'm really big on journaling and writing down like
11:28uh being what what are you grateful for right or even making a gratitude jar what happened today that
11:37was so good even though it seemed something super small that was something that's good to happen to
11:41me and then putting it in your jar and then pulling it out at the end of the night and say what happened
11:46today because you go you're so used to going in the motion of day-to-day things you don't even realize
11:52like oh man that was that was awesome actually i need to i need to celebrate that that was a win for
11:56me so i think those things are super important and i definitely want to like harp on the fact that
12:03we as black women do not celebrate ourselves enough even like the seemingly microcosmic wins
12:09like the fact that and i don't mean to be dark but the fact that we're all here today
12:13is a win that's a win because a lot of people can't put their feet out of bed a lot of people
12:19can't walk a lot of people feel like they don't have it in them mentally and emotionally and spiritually
12:24to go on the next day yeah so honestly give yourselves a round of applause for being here
12:28for being here this is a win like being here today is a win and then also talking about boundaries
12:33boundaries as black women is it's so important because we are we honestly feel like we're the glue
12:39sometimes we feel like we're the matriarch even when we're not mothers we feel like we're the
12:43people that hold everything together and you know boundaries doesn't have to look like hell no it can
12:48just be like you know what i just it's just not serving me today it's just not gonna feed my spirit
12:53today i just i can't yeah and you don't with your nose you have to stand firm in your no like
12:59sometimes your nose don't need an explanation how many of you will say no because
13:03or those times you're like i want to say no but what can i come up with to say no about and that
13:09sound good right i can't make it sound right let's make it sound believable right like no say no like
13:15hey deshawn no yeah not available like i'm just i'm not free oh what are you i'm not free yeah there
13:22you go like it's not i'm just not free and when standing firm in your nose it's so important because
13:27you feel like when you catch yourself coming up with excuses you feel like you owe that person or that
13:33opportunity and explanation but understand if something is meant for you it will not miss you
13:37it will not miss so it's okay it's okay to miss an opportunity because you got to take care of your
13:41mental health it's okay to not go to that dinner it's okay to not do that interview it's okay to not
13:47you know go on that date it's okay to not go to brunch because you just don't feel like it just don't
13:51feel like it listen tell that friend girl right just say i can't go i can't just say you can't come
13:59it's it's okay like sometimes it's just you need that peace and setting boundaries like what and
14:04i'm i'm working on it truthfully once you set those boundaries and you're firming those boundaries
14:08you feel so powerful and you feel so connected with yourself because you're able to stand firm and
14:13you're no yeah you are and then you you it's you're more clear too about what you have going on right
14:19instead of running from here there everywhere and doing all the things and you just feel scattered
14:24you'll be more clear like no i already had planned to do this this and this and i'm gonna stick with my plan
14:30that makes a world of difference because your brain isn't all cluttered with all the things
14:34that you have to do so yeah saying no even though it sounds so small it's so effective yeah it's just
14:40it's huge absolutely and i want to switch gears a bit and talk about trauma and how it affects how
14:47it impacts the things that we cope with mentally and emotionally and trauma looks so different for
14:52everybody like you know people will say that you know one thing is traumatizing to them but it may not
14:59affect somebody else like when a baby is first born imagine like you're cozy in your mother's
15:03womb and then all of a sudden you're like at target in like the frozen food section that part like that
15:07that's traumatizing because a baby all the time like that's trauma for a baby yeah but for us as
15:14adults there's trauma that comes from everywhere there's generational trauma there's workplace trauma
15:19there's relationship trauma there's friendship trauma so what are some examples of common traumas that
15:24people might not realize are actually traumas that's a really good one i mean like you said it affects
15:31everyone differently so it's not one size fit all because you and i can be sisters right and we could
15:38have had um a parent that um abused us verbally you could have said whatever i just let it roll off my
15:48back as opposed to me i actually took that in and that is how i see myself worth because of the things
15:54that they say to me so you have to the first thing when you have trauma or you think that you have some
15:59trauma is to acknowledge it and to kind of just see what am i going through what is what am i experiencing
16:05that goes back into that checking in with yourself because if you're not checking in you don't know
16:09why you could be drinking a lot right and you're like i really don't know why i'm drinking a lot i
16:15just enjoy drinking but if you actually sat down with it with down with yourself and you may say
16:20i'm actually trying to avoid the feeling of loneliness because of x y and z so that's why i said
16:27it's super super important to check in with yourself so the trauma looks different for everyone
16:33and it's important for you to check in with yourself to see what it is so first acknowledge
16:38it and then figure out how you can work to let it go and a lot of times you can't do that by yourself
16:44because it is deep-seated whether it's generational or just something that you keep um experiencing
16:50over and over again and you may need help with a therapist i mean i always obviously i'm a therapist
16:55i'm biased i always recommend going to see a therapist and check in whether you're going
16:59through something or not i think therapy is super important don't worry about if oh my god i'm losing
17:06my i feel like i just broke up in a relationship and i'm losing it you don't have to go to therapy
17:11then right you can go to therapy just to check in like i kind of think everything good but i'm
17:16i'm gonna go check in with myself so i think with with trauma you want to do like i said check in with
17:21yourself and then have somebody to help you process that because it is difficult if you're trying to do it
17:26by yourself then once you get to that point of help processing it then come up with some strategies
17:31and ways to start addressing that trauma um i mean i feel like it's a thousand things that we can do
17:38right um and as a therapist you have to see where the client is like i see what what works for you
17:43sometimes we say cbt sometimes we do a different type of method method that we use for therapy
17:49but i always recommend people to go because you can do it by yourself
17:53kind of look but i don't i don't recommend it because it can get really deep and you don't know
18:00how far it's going to take you and we don't want to get you to that point of depression where it's
18:05affecting your daily living um if you going back and reflecting on all the things so doing that alone
18:11can be very difficult you want to have some support during that time absolutely and i i didn't realize
18:16either that like trauma can not only show up emotionally and mentally but it can also show up physically oh
18:23like i didn't i had no idea that like the really bad migraines that i get absolutely was linked to
18:28my anxiety like i'll be like on laptops for like hours and hours and hours and then all of a sudden
18:33i'll be like yo my head hurts bro like what like what's going on and like i think that it's something
18:37like connected to maybe i can get some blue light glasses or maybe i just need to sleep but it's
18:41actually like i'm anxious because of all the things that i have to get done like how many of y'all
18:45sometimes feel like a tightness in your back or you feel like you've got to get up and roll your neck a
18:49little bit and crack and you feel 65 years old because you just sitting so much it can actually
18:55show up in your body absolutely and that's exactly where my stress goes to immediately in my back and
18:59i feel like i'm 10 and i'll catch myself right and i'm like okay what's going on and that's another
19:04good time to check in have you seen that i know everybody on social media you've seen that post where
19:08they're like unclench your jaw release your shoulders or whatever that's one of the signs too if you're
19:13you're doing that you don't even know you're walking around like this right or your jaw is tight
19:17and you wake up like man what is that what's going on you have to kind of like i said reflect
19:22and check in with yourself and see what is it going on absolutely so if if y'all haven't done
19:27that already make sure to unclench your jaw relax literally as you were saying that i was like take
19:33a deep breath like make sure to unclench your jaw relax like you know like we have a whole summit
19:38around here so like if you got to get up and take a walk and just roll your shoulders back do some
19:42got a yoga activation outside like we're we're here for you yeah yoga meditation have you ever did where
19:47you're just like and just doing that kind of release some of the stress and tension in your
19:53body it like yoga meditation breath work breath work is amazing like i do this thing like my
19:59friends like hate this but i'll be in the middle of doing something and then all of a sudden i'll be
20:03like ah and then they'll look at me like what the hell is wrong with this girl but it's like no it's
20:10it's a good feeling like when you just let out a deep sigh like when some some people scream sometimes i
20:15just want to be like i just want to let out a passive aggressive sigh like ah like and now i'm
20:21back to center like i love it and it feels good like i forgot i think that there's a science behind
20:27it but i read something where it's like for example people who sing after they're done singing even if
20:32you're the worst singer in the world you just feel so good because you're in tune with your mind your
20:37body and your spirit and you're just letting out all that energy right yeah so actually i'm gonna have
20:41y'all do this breathe in oh let's do it and when i say breathe out let out the biggest sigh okay three
20:49two out ah didn't that feel good y'all like do y'all do y'all feel a little more oh dude okay let's do
20:58it again do it again but this time when we do it i want you to make sure that you're rolling your
21:02shoulders back make sure that you're unclenching your jaw that's right sit up if you have to
21:06put your feet down stand up if you need to whatever y'all need to do okay all right breathe in
21:13and out how did that feel y'all that felt good right we're gonna we're gonna close that out with
21:21this listen so what steps can we can we start to take to unpack things in a way that doesn't make
21:28things worse or trigger us because unpacking like reteaching our inner child that can be a lot so what
21:35are some ways that we can address that without you know putting more salt in the wound yeah um
21:41i always like i said recommend journaling start there right because with the first start to anything
21:46is acknowledgement right and so if you know like you know i just really do i feel like i have some
21:50things to start to unpack let's start journaling what what what is it right when i tell people to
21:56journal sometimes people are like what's the prompt i need a journal prompt or whatever don't worry about
21:59it just write whatever that is whatever is coming up for you just write and then i always recommend
22:07doing it for like maybe two or three days and then let's find the theme here well i see here or you
22:11know if i'm talking to my clients i might say i see things that you continuously say and is that you're
22:16dealing with stress we're dealing with stress we're dealing with stress where's that stress coming
22:20from and then we start to unpack it so first thing i would think that you can do by yourself is just start
22:27writing whatever it is just write just write just write and go back and then see what is the common
22:33theme there and if it is stress what are some things that you and maybe you're not ready for
22:37therapy and that's why i started the business of black female therapists because we want to meet people
22:41where they are everybody's not ready for therapy and i understand that so we pride ourselves on meeting
22:47you where you are maybe you just want to start journaling so that's why we post journal prompts maybe you
22:53want to just take a couple classes maybe you want to come to a group we do that so we can meet
22:57you where you are so once you see your theme that you have going on if it is stress then what are
23:02some things that you can start working on yourself for stress is it social media is it the comparison
23:07that you're doing on social media is it that you're not working out that's me um is it unhealthy
23:16you know could it be something that you're eating because do you know that uh chocolate increases anxiety
23:23it is linked to increasing anxiety because of the caffeine that is in chocolate now i heard
23:28now girl that dark chocolate actually helps with anxiety and depression so you know it's all kind
23:34of studies right but it is caffeine small amounts of caffeine in chocolate okay so you want to go and
23:39research and see like could that be a trigger now it might not bother you but it can make me very anxious
23:45right your your starbucks latte i could drink tea like for me i can drink tea and be fine but if i
23:53got something from starbucks girl i'm like oh all over the place okay okay okay i can get everything
23:57done i can rule the world so you got to kind of figure out what works for you because like i said we
24:01could be talking and you say oh girl my therapist told me to do this and this and that and then it won't
24:06be the same thing for me right completely completely different so you got to figure out what works so anyway
24:11going back seeing what it is that you're going through and then starting small with your unpacking
24:16is it stress where is your stress coming from now as you continue to go like i said we could do surface
24:21things of working out getting more sleep making sure you're doing some things for self-care it doesn't
24:27always have to be money it can be things that you just do at home nice scents in the house or even
24:32cleaning up being organized is super important um and then starting there and then working your way up okay
24:38so now i'm feeling better am i feeling better or did this increase my anxiety what else do i need to
24:45do from there and then slowly start working like i always tell my people write write it out like what
24:51else is going on in your in your body figure figuring out what else is going on so slow kind of slow
24:57stepping it and then sometimes you might want to reach out for support and not do that by yourself you
25:02want to not necessarily have to see a therapist and pay two hundred dollars for a session if you don't
25:07have therapy i mean you know insurance we get that um we're working on that too um but maybe you want
25:14to reach out to a friend to kind of help you along the way too um if it's something that you think that
25:20they can help you with if it's something that they both agree yeah if it's something that both friends
25:24have have experienced then i don't know you might want to find another group right but yeah so you want
25:31to go and take it baby steps and you don't want to go straight to the point like if it is
25:36something you experienced back in childhood maybe not going straight there uh to really of all of
25:41those things that happen but going um step by step like okay what else can i do what's in my control
25:47because that's super important sometimes we always try to figure out how am i going to rule the world
25:53you know uh a year from now how is it going to look and i always talk about working in the here and now
25:58what can you do right now right now like how we just did the breath work and we're grounding that's
26:02something you can do right now okay then what's the next step what's the next thing that we can do
26:06have you done that before in therapy um i have i will say that i have but like my therapist i've had
26:12an in-person therapist prior to covid and i had i have a virtual therapist now in covid so it's like
26:17she'll she'll tell me to like really work on being present like dashonda make sure that your feet are
26:22grounded make sure that you're sitting up i even do like these little five minute spurts of
26:27meditation like when i'm working i'll just go on youtube you can literally google five minute at
26:32work meditations it's amazing and it'll just have me close my eyes just sit and just listen to the
26:38words of somebody else's voice that's not my own yeah and it'll just tell me remember your feet are on
26:43the ground put your hands on your lap and just listen sometimes all you just need is just that five
26:49minutes of just sitting and listening and it seems so small but it makes a huge difference huge difference
26:56absolutely and also another thing that's happening today is that you know there's a lot of things
27:02that are happening as far as mental health resources you know we have black female therapists we have
27:07transparent black girl we have black girl in home like there's so many things that we can do as far as
27:13finding resources to getting help for that first step so what are a few questions that we should ask
27:18either a potential therapist or ourselves to determine if therapy is the right fit for us right now yeah i think
27:24the first thing is you want to see where you are um because there are different therapists for different
27:30things um yeah so there's different therapists for different things so you want to see
27:35is it something that i really need uh therapy for which we can go to therapy for a lot of different
27:39things so i say yes for everything um but uh you want to ask the therapist uh kind of have you had
27:45any experience with this let's say you're just dealing with stress and you're like hey i actually just
27:49want to talk to a therapist about stress and i just want to check in that's completely fine and you
27:53want to talk to the therapist have you had experience with someone who has dealt with stress
27:57in this manner and you want to see their experience they may have they may not their specialty might be
28:03i don't know pregnancy and so that might not be a good fit for you you might want to go on to
28:06someone else um also talking to a therapist and see have they experienced the same thing because
28:11counter-transference is a thing that might come up in therapy as well so they might want to say oh
28:16well no that i probably wouldn't be a good fit for you and you want to move on uh to find another
28:20therapist and that's okay you don't have to love your therapist the first person you interact with
28:24it's just like dating you want to keep searching around until you find that one that vibe with you
28:30that you feel like you can call and say girl let me tell you what happened today if you don't feel that
28:35then you're like yeah keep going yeah it's important to do that like i was i was lucky enough to get my
28:42therapist right on my first try but not everybody has that experience like i always like to call it like
28:47the cinderella experience yeah you keep trying on the shoe until the shoe fits and don't feel
28:52discouraged if you don't connect with your therapist on the first try like absolutely there's nothing
28:56wrong with trying out another therapist like i've had friends that have had to go through like seven
29:01therapists before they found the perfect one but there's nothing wrong with that because at the end
29:05of the day if this is the person that you're going to go on this healing journey with yeah right you
29:09want to make sure that you can trust this person that you actually feel safe and there could be nothing
29:14wrong with the therapist as a person yeah it's just maybe the vibe just not the vibe right just
29:19like dating right it's nothing wrong with my part this partner they would be a great partner yeah like
29:24i'm not a great partner for me right like i think you're stunning i think you're lovely congratulations
29:29on the phd and all the work that you've been doing right it's just not it's just not going to be
29:33for me not for me and then and they don't take it personally it's like that they they know that like
29:38not everything's going to be the right fit and that that's fine that's fine absolutely absolutely
29:42and as far as the q a goes we're going to open up everything and we want y'all to use this
29:48microphone if y'all have any questions for the amazing amber d so if y'all want to line up and ask
29:53some questions about all things healing all things therapy please don't be shy this is a safe space and
29:59she's here to answer literally any questions that you may have yeah and also for uh people if you um we
30:06have a social media right we uh open it up on thursdays where we have access therapist thursday
30:12you can always put your question in there and we'll pull somebody from the directory
30:16or me or someone will answer your question so that's kind of our way of uh giving back okay
30:21so basically my question is like i've been in therapy so i used to like be really depressed really
30:49anxious like every single day of my life but i feel like i'm in a place where i'm healing and i
30:53feel healed but it kind of feels like a new person like because it's like i feel like i'm rediscovering
30:59things and i see things in a different light so what do you say for somebody like like feeling like
31:05you're starting over because it's just like the old me was like oh i'm just gonna cry about everything
31:10or i'm just gonna be by myself or just like you know isolate myself but now it's like oh i'm gonna step
31:14out i'm gonna try this like i see hairstyles now i'm like oh this is cool i want to do some things
31:19like this but like is that like normal like what do you absolutely that's all a part of your growth
31:26your journey your transformation because the thing is just in life period we don't want to be who we
31:32were at 18 at 25 and who we are at 25 we don't want to be that person at 35 you know you're gonna grow
31:39you're gonna change you're it's gonna every stage of your life is gonna look different obviously i'm in a
31:43whole different stage and i'm like whose life is this not mine um i'm not you you know so it's a
31:49whole different life and so absolutely you want to look at that that's a win for you because you
31:53you're looking at like look i've shed skin almost like a snake right i've shed that skin and i'm done
31:58with that part of me now it's a new me and i get to look at life in a completely different lens and
32:03that's awesome and that therapist i'm sure is probably like yes we did it you know you know and i love
32:09when because people will come and be like well do i need to keep coming to therapy because i kind of reach my
32:13goals not necessarily you can still keep in contact with that therapist because a lot of people will
32:18hold on to their therapist for life because we get this degree and we do not let it go so i'll be 80
32:25so what brings you in today no um maybe but um so you can don't have to necessarily feel like you have
32:31to even go to therapy anymore you might say you know i'm feeling pretty good i feel like i've had enough
32:35tools in my toolbox where i can handle a lot of things and maybe i'll just go in for check-ins or
32:41if i hit a point of sadness or maybe grief may happen or something you can go check in but
32:46this new you congratulations that's that's a win congratulations and we have time for one more
32:54question and again if we don't get any questions like i said you guys can go to black female therapists
33:00on instagram and we take questions on thursdays and we'll do instagram lives and take questions so
33:06if we don't get all your questions we'll have somebody to answer it or i'll answer it there
33:10all right hi guys my name is sylvia on a more i'm gonna make this quick so she can ask her question
33:15this is just to let me know if i'm thinking too hard so i have a great relationship with my therapist
33:19her name is generica love her but i've been low-key falling short haven't been attending our meetings
33:24haven't been chatting her back and i think i might be overthinking to a point where i'll set up a session
33:30i'm like you know is she gonna feel some type of way that i haven't made progress on some things we've
33:33talked about should i get a new therapist to kind of just refresh the journey um or is it more so
33:38like this is my friend she ain't going to judge me like you know how should i be thinking about it
33:43absolutely do you feel like you like your therapist yeah i do but it's kind of like one of those best
33:49friends where you talk about a situation too many times like you know one of your men and it's like
33:52girl like i don't want to talk about it no more like should i not be thinking like that absolutely okay
33:56we expect you to come and talk about it a hundred different times but just because you know you have to
34:01always think about it even though you might heal from something you may have a relapse right that's
34:04okay okay and that's what we're here for you to help you process that and then give you those tools
34:09like if you do go back to that you might heal from it and come back heal from it come back and heal from
34:14it come back and then you're like okay now i'm ready to move forward absolutely not she's probably like
34:19girl i was waiting for you to come safety with those missed meetings so don't think about it too much no
34:23we feel no type of way we expect it unfortunately we're gonna have to i'm so sorry but however she
34:31is going to be here and available and before we do go first and foremost give amber a round of applause
34:38for all of her incredible insights thank you and please let the folks know how they can follow you
34:42and how they can keep up with you absolutely so my handle is the amber d uh t-h-e amber d that's my handle
34:50and then my business is uh at black female therapists uh that's our our handle like i said we do ask the
34:57therapist thursday so if you didn't get a question or you didn't feel comfortable that's completely fine
35:01and then when we answer your question we answer it anonymously so you don't know who asked it and
35:05sometimes what we'll do on thursday we'll just take a whole bunch of questions that we got in the dms
35:09because we get a lot of questions and we'll just answer them like me and a therapist just get on and
35:14chat on instagram live and just answer your questions so just send them my way okay oh and
35:20my instagram is at s-i-g-n-e-d shonda like shonda rhymes but i'm not famous so at sign shonda girl thank
35:29you and before we go y'all know what i'm gonna ask you to do feet planted on the ground let's do it
35:36hands on your laps breathe in and when i say breathe out let out the biggest side that you can it can be
35:43passive aggressive it can be angry happy whatever three two go all right y'all stay tuned for more gu summit
35:532022 make sure to hashtag gusummit and we'll see y'all later stay tuned for more thank you
Comments