00:00my beautiful friends you know I used to think faith was supposed to feel loud I
00:09thought if God were really moving in my life I'd feel it I'd have clarity
00:16confidence direction something obvious something unmistakable like a green
00:26light that never flickered but there was a stretch in my life when none of that
00:33existed there were no signs no breakthroughs no dramatic crisis either
00:40just long ordinary days that blurred together wake up go through the motions
00:48go to bed repeat I was still doing the right things still believing still
00:57trying but inside well inside everything felt quiet in a way that made me
01:04nervous why well it wasn't a peaceful quiet it was an empty quiet I remember
01:14one night in particular I was late the house was still no TVs were on no music
01:21just that kind of silence where you can hear the clock in your own breathing you
01:26know what I'm talking about I sat there longer than I meant to staring at nothing
01:33and it hit me I didn't even know what to pray anymore not because I didn't believe
01:39but because I was tired of asking the same questions and pretending I wasn't
01:45disappointed by the same silence so I didn't pray a good prayer there were no
01:53polished words no scripture quotes I'm not very good at quoting scripture anyway and I
02:03don't have big faith language you know I'm not one of those polished guys with the the
02:08wire microphone coming from their ear and they've got the fancy clothes on and
02:12they look perfect their skin is doesn't have a flaw I'm just a regular guy so I
02:20just sat there quietly and maybe a little embarrassed and I said to God I said God I'm
02:29still here that was it and I remember thinking that's probably not going to be
02:36enough I felt like real faith was supposed to sound stronger than that braver more
02:44confident like something you'd be proud to say out loud and for a while believe it or
02:54not I carried some guilt about that moment because I felt like I had failed some
03:00invisible test like my faith had shrunk down to the bare minimum but you know what
03:09time has a way of revealing things you couldn't see when you were inside them
03:16because now I understand that wasn't weak faith that was honest faith faith stripped of performance
03:28faith without the mask faith that had nothing left to prove
03:36and you know what God was never asking me to prove anything
03:42faith isn't always standing on a mountaintop and declaring God is good
03:48sometimes sometimes it's sitting in a quiet room
03:54unsure of what comes next saying I haven't walked away and here's the part that
04:05still gets me you see God didn't leave in that moment he didn't pull back
04:11because I didn't sound confident enough but I thought he might he didn't wait for
04:18me to clean it up and try again he met me there not with answers and not with instant relief
04:28but with presence and slowly so slowly I almost missed it something changed now my circumstances
04:43didn't shift overnight life didn't suddenly get easier but I stopped measuring my faith by how strong I felt
04:54and started measuring it by how faithful I was willing to remain even when belief felt thin even when hope felt fragile even when all I could offer was showing up again that's why I do what I do now
05:20because I know there are people listening who think they're losing their faith when really they're just carrying it quietly and if that's you I want you to know that you are not broken you're not failing and you are not behind you are enduring and sometimes I don't know that you are not
05:39you are not failing and you are not failing and you are not behind you are enduring and sometimes endurance is the deepest form of belief there is
05:55truth
05:59God bless you my friends
06:03God bless you my friends
06:03God bless you my friends
06:03God bless you my friends
06:05God bless you my friends
06:07God bless you my friends
06:09God bless you my friends
06:11God bless you my friends
06:13God bless you my friends
06:15God bless you my friends
06:17God bless you my friends
06:19God bless you my friends
06:21God bless you my friends
06:23God bless you my friends
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