- 13 minutes ago
David Baddiel: Cat Man - Season 1 Episode 3
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Short filmTranscript
00:00this is the last show in our short series why is it so sure because there's never been a series
00:10about cats before and frankly everyone was a bit nervous about it cats they thought what will they
00:16even do on screen quite a lot it turns out it's gonna do a big jump oh wow people passing by
00:24cigarette brings sort of immediate joy brilliant like a mountain goat except a mountain cat what a
00:32moment congratulations oh no tilly tilly go the whole way there we go one really wants to stroke
00:42that name you can tell when I'm about to get too anxious he can sense medical things way before
00:49they happen look at this he's got a very incredible Star Wars face Wilfred it's you on a Spanish lady's
00:58leg hi I think I can get whoa oh he's never bitten someone ow he has the loudest perp thanks Larry
01:11wanted to come in this is David Baddiel cat man there's much weird negativity around cats especially
01:27around women and cats which goes back a long way cats in the 19th century there was a lot of very
01:33unpleasant misogynistic kind of commentary in the press about unmarried women in particular doting
01:40on cats because they're the babies that they never had and that continues we're effectively run in
01:46this country by a bunch of childless cat ladies which is of course offensive and cliched and
01:51misogynistic but also completely misunderstands how great it is to own cats it also assumes that cats are
01:59somehow not a guy thing the notion that having a cat makes you less masculine is ridiculous it's
02:19kind of like a man eating a banana in front of other men is gay or like is it gay to wash your bum in the
02:24shower you know sorry can I just take you back I have never heard that a man eating a banana in front
02:29of other men is gay oh that's a new one on me okay well that's definitely a big I think it's ridiculous
02:34if someone says to me oh you like cats do you wimp that that shows much more about them of course you
02:41know this doesn't doesn't affect me what defines manly because then it's kind of like I mean toxically
02:46manly yeah I think men with cats are less toxically manly I think a man with a cat is a more rounded
02:53person I think he's got his yin and his yang when people want to refer to perhaps an uncle in their
03:00family who's not the marrying kind they refer to him and this wasn't offensive at the time as a pussy
03:06bachelor so it becomes a euphemism for a gay man I've never seen affection towards cats to be not blokey
03:15like I was born at working-class household and all the blokes were blokey but they all love cats it
03:21was some Gen Z article that basically said the golden retriever boyfriend era is over it's all about
03:28cat dad energy so I think we're winning now it's obviously nonsense there is something I find so
03:35hot when I walk into the room and Chris is just like having a moment with one of the cats yeah but when
03:39he's really getting into myrtle's fur and they're just so lost that he barely even noticed as I come in
03:44the room I'm like that's hot I did have a man once come round and he was so nice and gentle with my
03:51cats I thought I want to have sex with him did you have sex with him a farm cat that's a thing do all
04:11farms have cats I think most of them do we got lippy because it's nice to have a cat around and also to
04:17keep the mask down that quickly turned around she became just like a farm cat a barn cat so you're
04:22known on Instagram for hanging out with lippy how did that begin so one day I just found myself
04:28holding lippy and she wraps her arms around me yeah I put that on the internet and and it just sort of blew up
04:36don't take this the wrong way but you're quite a hot bloke oh thank you and why would you why would you
04:41take it the wrong way and so I think the idea of a hot bloke with cats that appeals to people I mean you may
04:46have quite a lot of women followers it's I mean I check my stats and it's 80% women right so so I'm
04:55right about that Harry and Libby is the biggest babe magnet I've ever seen on Instagram he comes up
05:02on my feed all the time and I'm just like that's the kind of guy you want to be the father of your
05:05children isn't it yeah I mean you're a married woman but I think he comes up a lot he has absolutely
05:15nailed it can we meet lippy where is there she is hello lippy there you go it's just unbelievably
05:26friendly I've never known a cat is like friendly as a part of the thing with you you decided to carry
05:33lippy around in a sling yes that's probably one of the reasons isn't it why people 80% women like
05:40it because there's the sort of like baby it's like a father father paternal image to it even though it
05:47is a cat yeah you couldn't have actually given birth to it no where's the sling got some behind it oh
05:54you've got various yeah okay just show me what you do so wrap it around okay over the shoulder
06:04wow that's an element of star wars the real emerald of obi-1 for the whole thing yeah
06:09so you want it to be a lot tighter so it holds and so you just do that yeah
06:22put a boom in
06:26but look how cute that is okay shall I have a go at putting this on it let me pull that there yeah
06:32mm-hmm now what I mean I was going to try doing this myself but basically harry has stepped in
06:41all right so it feels much more like a strange japanese ritual than I thought it was going to
06:48should we go for a walk and then transfer sounds good okay
06:54so you want to get her in this one this one okay now this has never happened before right this is a
06:59first on television and indeed for cats and you see if it works if you're going into someone else's
07:05sling mine i mean at the moment she's she's backing away she'll just go in if you sort of i'm thinking
07:11more if you grab her off yeah okay here we go grab her off okay that's the first move if you want to
07:19sort of have her on the other okay yeah there you go and then sort of his gelato oh oh oh no there
07:31we go no that's not gonna work lippy come on you can't fail us now is she going back to her bar
07:38once again i'm gonna do that speech i do on this show so often about you know you can't really wrangle
07:43them cats i actually i'll be honest i was fairly confident let's see if we can put her in the
07:49sling in the barn and then go for a walk and if we can't do it we have to accept that it's only harry
07:55that she wants to sling up with since i've started doing this show men who would normally want to talk
08:07to me about football want to talk to me about guess what
08:10cabs is one of the thing i never wanted in my house i had a phobia you had a phobia yeah mommy says
08:20she wanted and children wanted so i said okay then let's go i'm very much scared i'm still scared
08:25of him after two days i'm okay i start holding you okay when you enter my house first thing my eyes
08:33looking for rocky really so you grew to love rocky that is so lovely it was beautiful this is pearl
08:40and what you just picked her up today yes picture up today really i told you so cute
08:45all right the cat tyrian he needs a little playmate i was about to go out to work one morning and my
08:50wife says she thinks that lucy our cat is pregnant i said i'll ring the vet and make the
08:56important for the cat to go in there i've had cats since i was a kid i was the one who had to convince
09:01my parents really they didn't want a cat yeah yeah and then once they did it's it's game over
09:08so the cat rings me at work about two hours later yeah the vet not the cat oh no it's the cat yeah good
09:13the vet rings me i said i said we've got some good news it's a bad news i said well what's the good
09:20news the good news the good news is the cat's not pregnant as it was the bad news oh we've chopped
09:28so you got over your phobia because of rocky it's a rocky one morning uh rocking
09:33coming back i mean um suddenly i got a call from that and say hey someone run over
09:41he asked me give you options to see my rocky but i didn't okay no and then i i love him a lot
09:50i'm a man you know so i don't like to cry i'm so move i'm crying i mean he was the one you're serving
10:00i think they'd be like to be more in the barn if you pick her up and put her on this shoulder yeah
10:06no if you just oh
10:11whoa you know what i think it's the red i don't know it might be a
10:20oh oh see i think it's the red which means i've got to put a gray one on to give it a go
10:30the deal refusing to be beaten it's quite a sad spectacle
10:35messages are just open aren't they on instagram yeah so you must get loads of messages yeah there's quite a
10:40few so i wanted to buy my used shoes and that wasn't a person who runs a secondhand shoe shop
10:51that was no that's just like a random guy so it's not just women these guys as well right a lot of
10:56it's saying like i love lippy how old's lippy where do you live and stuff like that where do you live
11:01one's more frightening i know where you live i never tell them i'm gonna try there we go if you
11:10sort of like hold her in there let me try stroking her for a bit it's nice isn't it me still don't
11:15know if i'll get her in my sleep though might be asking too much oh no okay haven't it lippy isn't
11:21playing ball i nearly got lippy there but obviously that's not acceptable
11:29i don't know if you slowly do it i should sort of be the other way around to be honest
11:33it seems to be facing me
11:35okay okay okay yes yes that counts okay it's just her ass in the sling but i think that counts
11:52because look hands free thank you harry there i am i am cat man she's chilling i'm off with lippy
12:03now that's it i can't really remove her ever i think she's with me for the rest of the series
12:07ladies and gentlemen it is baby video and lippy
12:25one of the best weapons in the cat armory is this
12:27purring it's not just a noise it gives off a deep sense of reward and no other animal makes
12:38that noise and again i have to ask a cross species question why do we like it so much
12:44because it's been scientifically proven it is good for us
13:04how does a perm make you feel it's nature's asmr do you know what i mean it's like it's the original asmr
13:09the sublime exquisite healed i don't know what it is or does but it's better than any other sound
13:19i've never felt as comforted soothed like enraptured
13:25purring is known to heal you that's known to change your frequency
13:30it's a non-verbal communication but that obviously is a communicative one that we can hear some cats
13:38will use it to self-soothe so cats will purr when they're ill cats will even purr when they're dying
13:44as well there was a very specific moment just about six months before lilu died where my friend died and
13:49i was absolutely broken and she would just come and get into bed with me like here which was unusual
13:56and just purse so loudly it would almost like regulate my breathing
14:02it's very grounding not to be woo-woo about it but it is very grounding to me because it's a reminder
14:09that existence is to be enjoyed and that pleasure is you know right at the center of living experience
14:26so bella is the holder of a guinness world record so she has the loudest purr of a domestic cat living
14:41you've got two certificates why is that um she did it in may originally yeah and she then rebroke her
14:48record in august for whiskers i believe she was then employed by whiskers she was sponsored by whiskers
14:55whiskers use her purr for their adverts so if you hear a cat purring on a whiskers ad it's likely
15:00to be bella it's quite likely to be bella yes okay but they didn't use her why not because she's old
15:05and a bit chunky that's awful whiskers you should be ashamed of yourself she's cardinal sized yeah she's
15:11beautiful um i noticed it said living on the certificate and that did for a moment confuse me
15:17because i thought well how can a dead cat purr unless you're using it a bit like a pair of bagpipes but
15:22the living cat who's got the loudest purr is bella by the way can we just hear it
15:29it's loud what happened a whole team of people came to the to the house they soundproof the room
15:36she was in they put a decibelometer a meter away from her a meter high so they could actually official
15:41recording i was given one of these this is a decibelometer but what i was doing was this
15:47yes and that's what i did originally as well yeah that's wrong it's a meter away a meter away the
15:53record achieved was 54.6 decibels let's have a quick go let me get some more chicken okay yeah
15:59chicken that's not for me is it if you'd like some no it's okay although i have started purring
16:04let's see what we can get i'm not sure it's a spectator sport
16:13it's sort of like averaging out about 36.
16:19i'm sort of wondering if we see if she'll purr louder upstairs yes can do okay it's getting a bit
16:26louder i don't think that's a meter but that we were getting a good 51 there is that a meter
16:35no no okay do i have to be off the bed for it to be a meter well i think i do hold on what about here
16:42is that a meter no is that that's about a meter okay let's give it a proper go
16:47okay well we got 53 though i can't tell whether it was just purring a little bit of stroking and a
16:56little bit of just licking her chops was quite loud and i'm thinking of getting ron to have a go do
17:02you want to hear ron is he loud i mean i thought he'd completely shattered your record yesterday but
17:08then it turned out i was holding the decibelometer far too close she's actually got pretty loud now in
17:13response she realizes a competitor incoming so this is me and my wife trying to get ron to do it
17:26i mean for a second this went to 55.3 i didn't hear any other sounds in which case you've broken
17:31the world record i don't know how official this is all right you know he walks away you are chasing
17:36around the house yeah i chased around half but hang on hang on it's going up to 62. hang on let's try
17:42another one i've got zelda she's pretty loud come on zelda i think that is winning
17:55no i think bella is winning
17:58anyway thank you bella thank you nicole i don't think we're going to get a definitive
18:03record-breaking purr today i think it's you fair enough she prefers frank skinner
18:14the cat's purr isn't the only thing about them that makes us feel better a cat's presence alone
18:20can change the atmosphere calm the room lift the mood make life feel a little bit softer around the edges
18:27we may discover that the answer to our present mental health epidemic is to prescribe everyone a cat
18:37hi what's he there this is mr london meow
18:39hi mr london what's the story i just come around in the hospital say hi and just bring a little bit
18:54of joy to everybody that we come across cats have got empathy yes and they kind of know a when someone's
19:00in a little bit of trouble yes and b they kind of know when it might be a good idea for them to comfort
19:06them by mr london what's he like with the patients there are certain patients that he chooses but he
19:15knows there are certain people that just need that little bit of extra uh love or attention yeah
19:23so this is something that the nhs in general are positive about then they understood since they won that
19:29without providing health care is not only about the physical part yeah but it's also about
19:34motivating the patients just to take on on the recovery process hi hi i'm isabelle and this is
19:41mr london goodness me this is amazing doesn't just help the patient no it's everybody that we come
19:47across can i stroke of course beautiful it's just wonderful he's sporting a very nice cut off denim
19:55jacket does he wear that a lot he doesn't wear the same clothes very often you know it's a little
20:02bit of a posh cat i like this though because it's sort of bruce springsteen circa 1983.
20:08i can see mr london singing born in the usa even though that makes no sense at all
20:16cats absolutely have empathy especially pip being incredibly responsive to you know some of the
20:23darkest years of my teenager-dom when you've been upset absolutely i've seen pip come out of nowhere
20:29to try and come for you yeah it's really amazing i did 30 years in the royal air force and we used to
20:34bring back the dead and the wounded from afghanistan and my cats could always tell when i'd have a bad
20:39trip they'd know they'd just sit with me yeah they knew but they'd only do it for so long and then
20:43they'd try to encourage me to play and drag me outside they're very astute i actually used to really
20:49hate cats oh you've said that now i know on this show i know but it was tell me why tell me what tell me
20:55what well i'm incredibly allergic to them oh i was incredibly depressed and my partner always grew up
21:02with cats and really wanted to get a cat and the choice was continue taking the antidepressants and
21:07deal with the side effects of that or get the cat to treat the depression and take the antihistamine
21:11every day so that's the trade-off that i made the two cats that live in my house are the tent poles
21:16holding up my mental health absolutely not your partner at all i am allergic to cats if you're allergic
21:25to cats they love you it might be a very slightly kind of james bondy way of killing you which is in
21:31a kind of slinky affectionate way they make you suffer what roger is a honey trap roger is a honey
21:38trap they need some messages are they today i was feeling terrible because of my depression and thought
21:45nothing could make me feel better but suddenly i found that video of wilfred and literally laughed
21:50until i cried i am better now thank you when you have a cat in your life you are going to do certain
21:55things for the cat even when you don't get out of the bed at all that day because you're in that bad
22:01of shape in your head for anything else you're going to get up and feed the cat make sure the cat's okay
22:06and whatnot my cats when i was crying my eyes out just sort of left the room did they they were embarrassed
22:12and then they just sort of looked at me as if to say that pull yourself together
22:19you can tell when i'm about to get too anxious like this morning was a bit scary for me so
22:24he didn't even eat his breakfast he jumped on the bed and went straight onto my chest yeah
22:28he weighs five and a half kilos so that's a good enough weight to kind of settle things down yeah
22:34and um he doesn't quite know how much he weighs sometimes he'll like stand right on your throat right
22:39but you can tell him to lie down that's kind of anxiety causing yeah yeah he's sometimes it's a
22:45work in progress tell us about what void has done for you um i've sort of always used the terminology
23:01that he's a seizure cat he can sense medical things way before they happen what is your
23:08medical profile that he helps with so i have epilepsy i have a heart condition meaning my heart
23:14rates are way too fast but i sort of have episodes of fainting collapsing and he's very in tune with all
23:21of it when did you first notice that he had a kind of radar for that it would have probably been maybe
23:30the third seizure that he'd done the same thing to me he comes and sits next to me it's one paw on me
23:38looks at me in the face and gives a very quiet meow that is the only time you will ever hear him meow
23:43so when i do it's oh really he's telling me something is he always right or do you sometimes
23:49think actually no i'm fine he's he's never been wrong i'm gonna try picking you up yeah
23:57there you go no he does have a really calm yeah sort of protective aura and also he's um he doesn't
24:09like men but he's taken he's doing all right yeah i don't want to confirm any ethnic stereotypes but
24:15i wouldn't mind void diagnosing if i've got any health issues you know what when i said the
24:24bruce springsteen thing i actually hadn't seen the front room that's not very bruce springsteen
24:29yeah that's a bit more lawrence newell in bowen
24:31when you're going through a tough day at work it's always brings a a smile to people's faces
24:46denim and the bow tie is quite a thing it's quite a bold idea it's a whole thing it's a whole thing
24:51it's a whole thing and we agree with it oh my god so this is sometimes what happens
24:57wow is he mr meow yes mr london meow yeah there's a kind of nhs party happening around mr london out
25:09of nowhere it's like tom cruise has come in the wall
25:12i like handles you do hello beautiful what's his name mr london mr london yes yeah
25:29thank you my pleasure really thank you it's the first time that i've got up and walked properly
25:45in four days really yeah was that partly because you saw mr london because she said there was that
25:49yeah and i still wanted to come and see it so all right i've walked and all the worse are watching me
25:55because i should be in bed so you know i saw you go for mr london and you know you didn't move that
26:01fast but you moved fast enough yeah i've been moving as far as i can before you left yeah yeah
26:06no well done estella hope you get better soon thank you
26:09thank you
26:20as someone presently with three but who has had in his time nine one thing i've often wondered is can
26:27you have too many cats is that possible
26:30how many cats we've been in this morning 22. right breakfast
26:45talk me through who we've got here mouthy honda imposter linda blackie yeah and you have behind
26:53you as well quite shy ones felix sylvester so that's the cat restaurant yes this is where they dine
27:02and that those are kind of heated beds on top of the food yeah in case stray cat that wants to come
27:08in here and find a shelter
27:10maybe people think i'm a hoarder i'm not this this is the lifestyle that met me because i'm actually
27:23allergic to cats what actually so am i
27:31linda is the the queen what do you mean by that linda she was left behind by the previous owner of the
27:37house oh she was keep having kittens in the garden because she was not new to it is that how the
27:42colony began yeah so what did you decide at that point i've contacted animal charities because i was
27:49worried about them you know so many cats yeah so at the end we managed to trap 21 cats not as a game
27:58show you just just kept it's called a trap neutral release program trap new to release it still sounds
28:05like a game show so this is the toilet yeah it's a coconut soil is that better for pooing better to
28:16remove it and keep it clean okay yeah that must be a lot of work yeah it is with these amount of cats
28:23yes a lot if you don't clean it you'll upset the neighbors as well yeah i would have thought
28:27eventually the neighbors are going to say that's too much cat poo
28:30this is the little accommodation they have a heating inside okay a little cat city okay i mean i'd
28:42quite like to live here oh there is there you go oh beethoven but beethoven was that and we have
28:51precursor here as well i like the fact that precursor is kind of an interesting grammatical name
28:56oh look at precursor what a sweetie
29:04so camilla i noticed that you have a kind of timetable there for all the cats so the color
29:09coding means yellow is the colony yeah at the back and then green is the cats that live in front and
29:15then mattie molly and nigel who sound like a children's book from the 1950s um you've got all
29:20their names there i've been introduced to 11 of them but i'm yet to meet gingy julie pancake missy
29:27socks triangle tommy creamy tofik mattie molly nigel not faraj not faraj no it looks different
29:38there's 22 22. do they all get on they fight sometimes right so you'll always have some some
29:46trouble yeah okay look at that
29:56marty's a rescue and my friend she runs a little rescue so um he was bullied by other cats in her
30:04place so he just found the refuge in mine oh what's this change them as well well this is your husband's
30:11painting yeah that's really brilliant that's linda this is linda yeah god's fantastic and he does
30:17that quite a lot does he paint the cats um yeah he has to have the the moment that he sits with them
30:23it may be that he's a painter he likes painting and there's nothing else to paint except cats in this
30:27house so i was planning to go to the loo but i'd have to share it
30:33well i might just go in
30:42excuse me privacy
30:47i'm not quite sure whether this is appropriate because definitely is it creamy
30:54by the way that's the cat i'm talking about
30:56i think creamy isn't that happy about sharing the toilet with me
31:06creamy there is a human toilet in here go and use your coconut soil toilet in the garden please creamy
31:19we've talked a bit on this show about the sad end of beloved cats it's such a tough thing even for
31:25the person holding the syringe is it quite difficult for you to keep your emotions
31:29out of caring for other people's pets it is difficult i've had my own animals put to sleep
31:34and i know what it's like being on the other side i've crumbled every single time i've had a
31:37dog or a cat put to sleep i've crumbled because i'm not a profession in that moment i'm i'm their
31:42mum you know as a vet you have to look after the people who are going through it the animal who
31:47is going through it you talk them through the process you you know talk about their last wishes
31:51with the animal's body and you know would they like some paw prints fur clippings
32:04oh wow this is uh michonne or what's left of her her ashes are in there wow we've got that on the
32:10kitchen counter the warm part that she used to go to on sunny days that is she's still with us
32:15slightly welling up at the thought of that you're very she was such a hang on wait how do you get
32:19the ashes in there well i don't do it it's a professional does it but it's under there
32:23if you really want to know you're not going to get them out are you i thought it was like
32:25something where you add a little funnel oh it's there
32:30so i've got i've got one cat now our first cat died i'm sorry oh it's all right they're both black cats
32:36we've got a model of a black cat full of her ashes when she died they said you do you want that we can
32:43cremate her well the way they said for a certain price you can have the ashes or for a higher price
32:52we'll put her through on her own so you know you're getting hurt no no no so are you saying to me that
32:59it's possible the ashes i've got just any cats no i don't know what deal you struck what i'm saying
33:05is that we were offered the ashes of her yeah or for a lesser price some ashes are they even cats
33:12ashes well they went to a fireplace and hope for the best
33:21my first cat lilu she died in 2020 yes and it was a horrible year and i'd lost my mind oh god
33:30and so i still have her yeah i mean i sort of knew this i know that sounds weird but
33:34it's well i was gonna say it's not as weird as it sounds it is i've currently got her under cheese
33:41cloth so that she doesn't get eaten by moths
33:45this actually is lilu this is lilu okay i'm gonna touch lilu yeah touch her oh my god what
33:53i mean she feels like a real cat yeah because it's a real cat it was a dead real cat
33:59it's what is it it's not stuff no it's not stuff she's a freeze-dried cat
34:04so if you go taxidermy chances are what you get back might look a bit disappointing yeah um freeze
34:10drying so i found this so what that brings to mind is coffee similar process
34:15so what is freeze dry so when i dropped her off at this place that i found in la she died she did
34:23die first no i'm not suggesting you killed her by freeze drying her after a week chris and i go to
34:29pick up the frozen cat i found the place in studio city that's gonna freeze dry her i get given a box
34:36and i is there an ice pack in the book well so no so chris is so chris is driving and i've got the
34:42frozen cat on my lap in the box it's probably about 45 minute driving like chris my legs getting really
34:47cold and he's like i'm nearly there nearly there the trouble is if your legs are getting cold she's
34:52getting warm she's getting but that's okay because we want her to thaw out and so i leave the cat there
34:58and 10 months later 10 months later they called me and said she's she's ready
35:03what are they doing for 10 months dehydrating her so you can choose your position so you can be like
35:07lying down to the right to the left ears up is down sitting up is a bit more complicated because
35:12they can topple it's a good position it looks like a very natural cat position
35:24can i just say straight away this feels weird because i love having a cat on my lap yeah i spend a
35:30lot of my time trying to get my cats to sit on my lap obviously this is very easy to do with this
35:35cat it's very biddable a dead cat yeah it's really obliging it feels nice but not quite right it's not
35:41quite right because she's dead she's dead it's really nice and then you realize it's really good exactly
35:49you know what i think it's a brilliant thing i don't think it's a complete solution to death no
35:54that to be honest we could start doing it's people yeah well that's what i said is i wonder
35:59what it would cost for me if i insisted to my children when i die this is what i want because
36:03they have asked me they've said you're cremated or dad what should we do i want this and i want
36:08to be in your houses i can be moved about at christmas of course you can have your animals
36:23cloned now well i know two people who've done that do you yeah but dogs only you can have cats as well
36:29i'm sure you can but i don't know anyone who's bothered having their cat cloned knowing you as i
36:32do yeah do you know how much it costs to clone animal yeah quite a lot sixty thousand dollars does
36:36it you're not gonna spend that no i don't think so i'm really quite upset about the vet bill for
36:40bit it's enormous cloning is a tempting thought the idea you could bring back the cat you loved
36:46whisker for whisker but as i said in the first episode all cats are different might that include
36:53ones that are genetically identical this is jem jem's a clone she is how old she's just turned three
37:07yeah oh she likes me yes um very friendly
37:16my feet look like in the sharpens
37:17so this is our laboratory so one of my cats has recently died if i had wanted to clone pip
37:27what would i've had to do here in the uk the samples are taken after a pet's passed away right and then
37:32you cultivate the sample yes we preserve and culture the sample and then it gets sent to america and then
37:40the cat and pip too would come back on a plane yes you can um go and get her or she can come back with
37:50a member of the virgin team okay wow
37:54liquid nitrogen does take oxygen out the air so if an alarm goes off we have to go out the room
38:00because it's an oxygen alarm it's oxygen just gradually depleting in this room is that what you're
38:05telling me not at a significant rate so we're all right at the minute okay good good to know
38:12wow you know what i'm going to be over here by the export semen only sign wow
38:21how long does that take from the start of submitting a sample to having a phone it's about
38:26a year cloning is different uh from you know giving birth obviously you pass on your dna
38:33yeah i am not a clone of my dad thank heavens you should meet my dad well he's dead uh and i
38:38didn't want him cloned i look a bit like him so are you saying that the clones are more like children
38:44that are created in this process that's the angle that most of our clients are approaching this from
38:50that they know very clearly that it's not a reincarnation of the animal that original animal past
38:54would i have done it with pip or any other of my cats monkey font for chairman meow who've died over
39:02the years um i might have done
39:10so these are some samples is one of them a cat one of these could well be a cat
39:16i mean it looks quite cat-like to me from here does the process sometimes fail like ivf does we can
39:22never guarantee that a skin sample is going to be viable cats can sometimes be a bit trickier
39:27unfortunately yeah on the whole they've really far optimized this technology from the initial
39:33dolly the sheep which is what obviously most people will relate to i've got a daughter called dolly and
39:37a few people occasionally asked me whether i named her after the sheep and that seems like a very
39:41unlikely thing to do right interesting
39:44i sort of really would like to see an animal and the clone to see how close they are i've got
39:55clone kitty as an example she's got a website she's got a great portfolio of the original animal and then
40:02the clone you've got a cat yes i do i've heard you like your cat yes your boss was saying that your
40:09affection is basically your cat your boyfriend's a long way underneath that definitely yeah okay
40:13fair enough um glad i hope he's watching um the boyfriend uh so what's your catch name hector i'm
40:20going to ask you the question are you thinking of cloning hector i definitely would do yes but
40:24i'm going to hope that hector touchwood is going to be with me for a very long time because he is
40:29really important to me i love hector he's got a brilliant face yes definitely knows he's best boy
40:37he's neutered right he is yes but he still thinks he's a big boy okay i'll take that um yeah as it's
40:47i think meant as far as my recently deceased cat pip goes cloning wasn't for us and we didn't get
40:57her to the freezer quick enough after she passed to get her freeze dried but she deserves a memorial
41:03and i found one so we're doing your cat aren't we well we're doing my late cat and i think we're
41:14going to commemorate her partly on my body yes we are i love knowing pip as well pip's gorgeous
41:19yeah when you actually see the paws properly right there yeah yeah but that feels more like a tattoo to
41:25me yeah there i think she just looks like she's an enormous cat balloon but the paws are amazing
41:30obviously you're just really cute so most people tend to get their portraits here only because it's
41:35like the flattest skin and you can see it quite easily yourself i'll tell you my problem with that
41:41having it there is that i think it might make me a little bit sad to see it all the time what do you
41:45think particularly because her eyes are very sad which is one of the beautiful things about her
41:50i don't know if i can handle it i think i might have to have it here i think i might have to have it
41:54here to sort of look at it occasionally when i as and when as and when yeah
42:13are you ready yeah here we go here we go
42:16how's that that's fine yeah yeah yeah i mean they sound like there's a buck coming well i could
42:29if you'd kept going on that spot for another 20 minutes i'd have started screaming
42:34we're coming towards the end it's been a couple of hours and what i think i've proved is that i am
42:52able to take a certain amount of pain but only in the service of cat commemoration
42:58it is true that right now i'm quite near fainting
43:05ignore me saying i'm going to cry you can trust me now when i say that we are done
43:12even are we done yeah no we actually are done now oh well thank you so much
43:19so now pip is always with me plus a side effect i am finally a hard man
43:28that's what tattoos do right although to be honest if i do get into a fight at any point
43:35i'm not sure this is going to be any help unless i can run away while my attackers are going ah
43:43i am very sad to announce that as of today i shall be stepping down as cat man on channel four there
44:06will be in a referendum and the choice will be made and counted by larry
44:14bongo high five high five yeah that wasn't that was sort of trying to you for high five
44:19tell me about how let's party works so it's a birthday party celebration for your pets which cats
44:25are we celebrating felix felix his first birthday sorry about this it's slightly vulgar
44:35oh you must have the magic touch you sir that's you only wanted a tiny bit of finger milk oh lily
44:41bear oh tilly is an adventure cat she goes to the train station she got on the train portal
44:46hello
44:50you know what color
44:53a little bit of light of parking
44:56hi basil will you stand up or is your friend going to come there you go and you are doing a great
45:02job as a sausage just going to make sure you get that that's very much stuck in yeah he's never
45:07going to find that i'm the same where i realize there's food on my boobs later in the day yeah so
45:13well it's really really hard to find
45:21i've never seen a cat in a ballpark wow happy birthday to felix happy birthday to you
45:30oh yeah is it that ow okay that that was that was more painful than i thought it would be
45:49she does have a southwest rail card for life it does say tilly the cat and slightly confusingly
45:55there's a picture of a bird on it happy birthday felix well done felix then what do you think of
46:07this what are we thinking of it what do we think oh like that that's what she thinks once again a
46:16great advert for cats have you not talked to people for a few years
46:22just cats it's just cats i've mainly just talked to cats that's why i'm like it
46:29thank you very much it has been an honor perhaps we should put this at the end of the series
46:40he was cunning in cloaked form and now alan carr searches for secret genius in a competition you
46:45can play at home starting sunday 9 pm new two or more for next forcibly coerced into a high-stakes
46:51political chess match is the return of french crime drama astrid murder in paris back here next we're
46:57counting down with the cats
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