- 6 weeks ago
Jeff Johnson , Chris Classic and Ryan Williams have a conversation about the importance of dads becoming entrepreneurs.
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00I'm excited and you're blessed to be part of this conversation with two
00:08amazing brothers. I mean we're going to be talking about fatherhood,
00:11entrepreneurship, what it means to be a dadpreneur, and Chris Classic, serial
00:17entrepreneur, chemist, brilliant master of curating all things, approachably
00:24luxurious, and my brother Ryan Wilson who is the founder of The Gathering Spot
00:30which is a growing empire and I think all of us who have known the story and are
00:37watching the story are excited about the expansion that you're currently
00:42underway in. So what does dad mean to you? So I have an amazing father and I knew
00:54that I really did I've always known that but there's something about becoming a
00:59father that really put into perspective just how amazing my dad was because my
01:04parents are entrepreneurs right so like I I know and I've seen kind of that
01:08dynamic of having to balance having one baby in the business and then actually
01:12like some real live babies too but it's a it's to me my most important title now
01:18and that's a that's a blessing right because you you talked to me two years
01:23ago my my function here at TGS as the founder co-founder and CEO of The Gathering
01:31Spot that was to me like one of the most important titles that I had but nothing
01:36compares to being a dad now that's that's the most important thing that I've got
01:39going. Chris what about you? Man that is um it's a responsibility that is you know
01:48it's one of the most important feelings I want to say throughout the day because
01:54no matter what I'm involved in everything circles back to that the decisions that I
02:01make when I first became a dad my oldest is 17 and I noticed that it changed every
02:09little thing like whose car I got in you know and even when you know his mom and I
02:16divorced my my daily decisions who I dated where I went you know things like
02:22that everything revolves around what's going to allow me to continue to operate
02:28as a dad and function so it's one of those things and I can only imagine what
02:34what moms feel just because of the maternal connection but it's definitely
02:39something that's on the forefront of every decision that I make how is this
02:42going to not only affect me but affect my children. My job is to be
02:48revolutionarily better than my dad knew how to be to me and you know I mean you
02:55know Chris I'm I'm a I'm a crib to college dad of 5, 22, 19, 18, 4 and 2 and so I'm tired
03:06but I'm but I'm I'm curious like what was the moment that you realized that you chose them over the
03:21business not in a way that was like this definitive huge decision but the small
03:29decision and and and how did you how do you how did you feel about that because
03:33that's something that comes up all the time as an entrepreneur. I was here so I
03:38was at the gathering spot and it was it was a weird day so my my I was flying
03:43back into town and it was my my co-founders birthday and I I go
03:48immediately from the plane to a birthday party that he was having here and all day
03:53my wife was like hey when are you coming home when are you coming home and I was
03:56like it's TK's birthday I really I've really got to just stop here first so I go
04:01and she met me here and I could see that something was different right but I
04:06didn't I didn't know exactly what it was and then so she pulled me to the side at
04:09TK's birthday party and she was like look I think that we're expecting and it was
04:15at that moment that I everything flipped I went to TK he's my best friend world I
04:21was a look I know this is your birthday party I love you man but like I'm out I
04:26got to go right now we're going home and that was the day that I had
04:31officially kind of flipped from from being you know CEO TGS Ryan to dad and
04:38way before and this is this is nine months before she was she was born but
04:42like I decided at that exact moment which is that in that it sounds simple I
04:46left the party but as a CEO like I don't I would never leave TGS right so that was
04:53the day that like it it changed for me well I think for me just because of the
05:0015 year age gap you know between oldest and youngest it's about and and because
05:07savoir-faire is relatively new you know it's about four years old Zuri's two and
05:13when Julian was born I was strictly making music for film and TV so it was easy for
05:20me to bring him to the studio and see you know what dad was doing he was
05:25fortunately able to go to the movie theater and you know here's dad you know
05:31in the movies or watch TV and hear me with Zuri what I do now is I basically let
05:40her see the products and let her understand what the business of savoir-faire
05:45is so right now she knows when she sees you know the crown she goes oh savoir
05:51faire gives people the crowns now as she's a little bit more able to handle a
05:57bottle without dropping it now I let her hold a bottle of you know whatever
06:02fragrance and she can smell it and she goes oh savoir-faire makes people smell
06:06good right and so for me it's allowing her to see that this is a process
06:12allowing her to come to the lab and no you can't touch that you know to see the
06:17employees and know them by first name she knows that there's something bigger
06:21that daddy is working on but it's also that it's now a part of her life and I
06:29think with music it wasn't anything that I wanted to push on to Julian to do I
06:36want Zuri to understand the business so that it can eventually you know be hers
06:42you know so I think it's a different mindset of I'm not going to necessarily
06:48choose you know one over the other per se it's about letting her understand that
06:57this is potentially the family business and and hers so that she has a proper
07:02respect and understanding of when daddy's not here this is where he is that I love
07:07that because I think about my dad growing up and I just knew he worked
07:11hard right I couldn't tell you what he did I couldn't tell you the nuances of it
07:16and I couldn't tell you how he even made an impact in the world right and so I I
07:20didn't have a full appreciation for the work I mean beyond the you know what he
07:26provided for me like I I fell in love with him on a higher level when I better
07:32understood the impact of the work in connection to the sometimes lack of
07:39presence right and and I like you when I was 26 when I had Madison I know what
07:46the hell I was doing I was just trying to make sure the rent was paid right so
07:50wasn't I didn't I didn't even know how to and I didn't have any blueprint right so I
07:56appreciate you saying that I'm curious for both of you all what about being an
08:04entrepreneur makes you a better dad oh for me it's the letting go part this is
08:12you know my first daughter right and so you know I'm sure as they've told you all
08:17of my friends go better get a shotgun right and it's this thing of this
08:22protection piece and I realized that as an entrepreneur I was very protective of
08:27my business but if I wanted to grow if I wanted to scale the way that you know I
08:35see there's gonna be a little bit of letting go that I have to do but you
08:40have to prepare your business in order for it to grow and scale and flourish and
08:44so the notion of the overprotective father with the shotgun you know that
08:52that's not the goal here the goal is to equip Zuri with all of the tools that she
08:58needs in order to handle the nuances of you know she went to the park with her
09:04mom I asked her about the park she goes boys and she's two and yes there was a
09:11little boy who was there that was very friendly and his dad was there you know
09:15it was cool but it's just like in that moment you know like what you mean you
09:22know I'm looking at my wife like oh now you know so I think it's the
09:29preparation it's the the fact that you can't protect as much as you think and so
09:39the best thing to do is prepare and you know meticulous attention to detail
09:46yeah entrepreneurship for me has been about I mean like having an idea putting
09:52everything into it right and then watching what happens when uh when you
09:58finally kind of get to those those results and so I look at I look at
10:02parenting less the idea part but I'm going to put everything that I have into
10:07this and I'm really excited about the the results I'm optimistic about the
10:13results you can call me a bad CEO but you're not going to like she's not going
10:17to call me a bad dad and and like that that's that on that like I can I can be
10:22called a lot of bad things in this context but in that one mm-hmm but I get
10:28the I get the process right it's you dive in deeply you're constantly studying
10:32reevaluating you're gonna make mistakes and as long as you're focused on trying to
10:37get to a good outcome I feel like you know we'll we'll uh we'll get to whatever
10:42destination we're supposed to and that's what entrepreneurship has taught me
10:45COVID for me was challenging in the beginning because it was like okay I gotta
10:50pivot how am I gonna take this moment and build what do we have to not do that we
10:56were doing and I was all in and my wife was so supportive that it was unproductive
11:04because her support let me lean in to the business and I'm just in the basement
11:10like 13 14 15 hours and I'm coming up like I'm a guest
11:16and so I'm curious like how how do you move the chicken right how are y'all
11:23defining role like what what's your dad role how does it shift and how do you
11:28work with mom in the house and you know the wife you live with and the mother
11:33you're co-parenting with right to to figure out what is it this month versus
11:39next month how do you all never and I know it's newer for you Ryan but but Chris how
11:43are you how do you do that well it it takes trial and error you know for me
11:49it's when COVID first happened you know business was I was still operating out of
11:56home and you know got to the point where it's just like all right I got to get out
12:00of here in order for this to to grow and in order for me to maintain some sanity you
12:05know and I know I was driving my wife crazy because the basement was she couldn't
12:10even step down into the basement you know so I realized that I had to you know leave
12:16the nest so to speak and so what it's graduated to now is me spending my
12:23mornings at home that I still haven't mastered the coming home you know for
12:30dinner and bath time yet that 5 to 7 30 time is really difficult for me to just
12:36pause my day so now my daddy time is in the morning and so when I get up it's
12:44around the time when Ziri's up or if I have to you know take Omar to school and
12:48you know come back and be there for a few hours until around 10 30 I know I've
12:54cemented my time with Ziri for today and that and FaceTime are like it so seven or
13:02eight FaceTimes a day at random moments kind of keep me in tune and present and
13:08you know my wife will bring her by and you know she gets to play around the lab a
13:13little bit and then with Julian because he's still doing virtual school it's just
13:20the matter of communication you know with his mom and keeping her in the loop of
13:25the different nuances that you know I notice about his study habits or his
13:30output and he's in this really interesting place right now where he's
13:36learning that he can maintain his great his grades by certain letting certain
13:43things slip and making them up because the teachers are a little bit more
13:46forgiving because of virtual so it's it's like that's a really bad habit to have
13:52because the world is not as forgiving and you can't always like make things up so
13:58that that's our struggle you know with him of you know you you chastise him
14:03because you're getting this alert that this assignment wasn't completed but then
14:08by the end of the week he makes it up and he gets a great grade and it's just like
14:11I you know that's correct and I think I contribute you know to it so you know
14:18that's that's that I mean it's interesting so like when my daughter was
14:22first born she was so heavily like relying on on my wife that like I felt
14:28like a like a size show at the time because I couldn't I couldn't do like
14:32physically a lot of the things that needed to to be done that's starting to
14:36change a lot where I can participate more in the day-to-day activities and we're
14:41trying to figure it out I mean I am I am definitive about when I say that
14:47there's going to be a block of time that will be family time or Cameron time like
14:52I am there for those blocks but I'm similar to Chris where like there are
14:57other windows where like I've got to travel some and and some things that we
15:02do here go late and I've got to stay for those so like we're trying to trying to
15:06uh to work it out each day it's it's definitely an active conversation though
15:11because first time doing this for us um and it is very important to me going to
15:17getting back to this distinction of like I can I can fail in a lot of aspects here
15:21but I can't fail there and I'm trying to actively figure out what that what that
15:26means because I can't go too far on this end because I could get fired from my job
15:32that causes other problems yeah it's it's a struggle for me sometimes I think I've
15:36less than the duties itself like I've had to spiritually and intellectually just be
15:45more flexible because like my when my wife would ask me something depending on
15:51what it was my first inclination is don't you know what I got to do and I had to
15:57I had to like shut that down from for me I had to shut that down and being like my
16:02first and it would be similar to how I am in the business in the business I'm
16:08thinking first how can we make things work versus how can we not do this and
16:13then with my wife I'm like no not how can I make this work and and I had to
16:20apologize I'm like baby I'm sorry like the way I the way I responded to you was
16:26just off because I immediately just said no you had to make that work as opposed
16:32to thinking okay Jeff shut the hell up first of all um second how do you make
16:38this work because because whether it's bath time or whether it's bedtime I also
16:41just really had to be a intellectually I would say that I understand the job
16:48that my wife does is insane yeah yeah and and that I appreciate it and that I
16:53value it but if I'm honest there are days I'm not empathetic enough um I'm
16:58thankfully unempathetic and so I just I also had to raise my level of empathy and
17:04realize as a team we're both exhausted in different ways and how can I be that
17:11relief pitcher that's coming in when she's exhausted even at the times when it
17:16wasn't scheduling this isn't just daddy time this is relieving wife time so
17:23that she has a level of sanity which also makes my life what I would say is
17:30there are certain moments or certain situations in which being solid is really
17:36helpful for the structure of wife to understand as well you know when she gets
17:43to that point of those definitive moments where you know she needs the time as an
17:49entrepreneur there are certain things that we just can't compromise on when it
17:53comes to time and I find that by being you know solid in the know when it's
18:02absolutely a no time that's okay because you know if it's if it's honest it's
18:12helpful for her to understand that okay he does have that boundary of this
18:17particular moment I think I was making the mistake of trying to be overly
18:22flexible um and then that wasn't true to me and so when I needed to have a
18:28right and when I needed to have a hard no it was hard to explain that because you
18:33were so accommodating before what happened is there something else that is
18:37changing and right and so it's just like now my nose got to mean no but then
18:42conversely my yeses have to be really solid yeah I think it was important for
18:47me to make sure that like I didn't rank my responsibilities versus hers and I think
18:53that's why we've been successful in this this ongoing conversation we're having
18:57because I I really do respect the idea that even like right now she is with my
19:04child right and like while our work days are different right now like her work day is real
19:11too and like she needs I mean yesterday I could tell in the morning that like like
19:18any person that works seven days a week she was like a little tired and so I said hey we're not
19:26gonna do swim class today I booked you a spa appointment like just go to the spa we'll hang out at home
19:33realizing and I can just be like my work I've been traveling my work the week was
19:38crazy too but like you can't rank them right you've got to make sure that that
19:44there's respect for all that's being put in at home right now and I try to keep
19:51that perspective no matter what's happening here what do you do worst as a dad
19:57like what's that thing that right now you like damn like I got it I got to get
20:02better at this or that you're ashamed of as a dad I think for me it is being a
20:10little bit more active on the functional things like preparing food for Zuri
20:19breakfast is cool because I can kind of manage that but I can't cook you know
20:24what I'm saying so I think I would like for her to see daddy made dinner you know
20:33right now she knows daddy will bring the food home if we're ordering out but she
20:40doesn't associate me with cooking anything or cleaning anything except for the toys
20:48with her so I think there are certain functions that are necessary for her
20:55survival in existence that I would like to see her know that daddy is capable of
21:01those things too and not just relegated to what moms do yeah I mean my wife is a
21:09beast I don't know where she comes up with like these things that just like will be
21:15occurring in my house but like I even think as an entrepreneur I'm very like
21:20instinct driven so there's not I don't have a lot of manuals and I just go based
21:25off of how I how I feel but but my wife she will have all of these like plans and
21:31like activities and I'm kind of like yeah like I just I'm just trying to get
21:37through the through the day if we feel like we need to go left we go left go like
21:41but no she's like no I mean structured and there's a she made a plan that like
21:47she was only going to speak to my daughter in Spanish mind you she's not
21:51fluent in Spanish she just kind of decided that she would like really like
21:55learn Spanish herself so that she could teach by my daughter when I first heard
22:00it I was like yeah okay but then like watching them only speak to one another in
22:06Spanish each day I'm like I I don't know if I have the discipline to because like
22:13my daughter would go to sleep and my wife would really sit up and like teach
22:17herself Spanish again well I'm sitting there just trying to like figure out
22:24what's on TV so I'm I'm not good at the at the plan stuff for me that the thing
22:32that I'm worst that I think is
22:40fighting to see my wife my lover my friend with a better level of percentage
22:52than mom because it's like mom is powerful and like she running stuff and
22:58she's managing and and she's making all this stuff happen and if I'm not
23:03careful even in my trying to support I'll feed and affirm and nurture mom but
23:12not woman lover an individual yeah and I gotta I gotta be better at that because
23:20that's what we were first and she was a woman before she was a mother and she was
23:25my lover and partner and friend before she was mother and and mother will kill
23:30all they'll she'll kill them right in the name of I don't have time for that and
23:34and so I got to feed that better before we get out of here what do you what is the
23:40advice you wish someone would have given you as a as a dad who is trying to
23:49navigate this baby in the business as well as as these children or child that you
23:55would give to brothers I would say just because now I'm doing it twice right for
24:02for the second time in different scenarios different cities it is okay as long as
24:13you have created a solid foundation to spend time growing your business as long
24:22as you are present and you don't have to think that you can't miss a moment on a
24:30daily basis because quite honest my 17 year old I'll show him pictures and
24:37videos remember when we went to he's like no and I remember in that moment
24:42denying something or denying time or a time that I should have went to LA for
24:47that meeting with that music supervisor that I didn't go because I felt guilt of
24:53well I can't I can't miss him going to somebody else's birthday party what about
24:59you know that memory them kids they don't always remember now I'm not saying
25:05being you know absent all the time what I'm saying is it is okay to miss little
25:11things and and miss little moments here and there for the sake of growing a
25:16business that is going to sustain the rest of your life and theirs you you know
25:21what I'm saying especially as an entrepreneur if you're working for
25:24someone else I can understand hey this is me time but the truth is if we're
25:29being our true authentic selves as fathers all of this is for our kids and
25:35us you know what I'm saying so it is okay especially when they're younger you
25:39want to do that now especially with how technology is and you can be present with
25:45them FaceTiming is the best thing ever for me because my daughter gets to see
25:50where I'm at what I'm doing so she's not missing me she knows daddy is doing
25:55something that she can tangibly touch but you know the the goal is to create a
26:02foundation and a legacy for them and if you think that you have to deny yourself
26:08constantly you you're gonna end up presenting them so spend the time and do
26:14what you need to do especially when it is absolutely necessary for the growth of
26:19your business and for your family eventually in the long term you got to
26:23give yourself that grace I mean I think it's the same thing that I learned when we
26:27we started TGS so I mentioned my parents are entrepreneurs and we opened TGS when
26:32I was 24 years old and so folks would ask me all the time like we would we would
26:36do small things I would I would there would be an emergency in the business and I
26:39would call huddle and folks would be like well we're like how did you know to do
26:42that and I'd watch and seen and like learn more than I thought that that I
26:47thought that I ever knew it's the same thing with being a father we're like I was
26:52walking into this experience be like I don't feel like I know really anything
26:58about anything and then I day to day there's there's I've downloaded more
27:04things over the years watching not just my dad but then other dads that have
27:08been in my life that have really prepared me for this moment better than I
27:13thought that I was prepared I have more I'm more of a manual in my in my head than
27:20what I ever imagined and it's it's helped right because things come up I call
27:24those those huddles now at home right and I'm able to have you know just just like
27:32the the I think some of its instinct but then a lot of it is just like remembering
27:37situations and how my dad played it out and again I didn't I didn't think that I
27:44learned any of those things but I I I guess I have I mean they're they're
27:48happening each day yeah I I would I would just say presence is is overstated
27:56and understudied I hear dads talk about presence all the time and I want to be
28:03president and and I watch them show up half so I'm gonna run to the bathroom
28:09real quick and return this email or let me turn this their favorite movie on so I
28:14can be here and work at the same time and and our babies no matter how old they
28:20are they know when we're not there and and so learning to be I think presence with
28:29our kids actually is one of the safest places to be our whole self because I
28:35know a lot of brothers just don't know how to fully feel and our babies are the
28:39ones that actually bring all of that out so so when I say presence is like I
28:43hope brothers will be fully joyful like let your kids see you be goofy let your
28:49kids see you be sad let your kids see how you manage anger like let them see the
28:57full experience of masculine emotion in a way that is not only about giving them a
29:04window into you but helping them understand they can feel too and how to
29:10navigate that and and I wish someone would have told me that because so
29:13often I was protecting my kids from some of my emotion versus allowing them into
29:20fully being me and my older kids I don't think always understood me it's not
29:25about burdening them with the trauma of what you're going through as much as
29:31sharing with them how you feel and and listen brothers we could from an
29:37entrepreneur and a dad perspective we could go on for forever but I'm so
29:41appreciative of of actually who you both are I'm inspired by both of you as a men
29:49and I think it's important that we say that on a regular basis and and really
29:54appreciate you all coming through to to share with the essence family and dear
29:58black men where you are and where you're trying to go absolutely y'all listen I
30:05need you to make sure that you have some savoir faire whether it's the perfume
30:10whether it is the merchandise whether it's the sunglasses it's ridiculous and you
30:15need some so please do that and if you are in Atlanta you might not be able to be a
30:22member of the gathering spot but you can connect to somebody who is the movement
30:28is real and and I'm just so appreciative of us building our own communities and
30:32so support the gathering spot in DC in Atlanta and soon to be in Chicago and LA
30:38and and I as an entrepreneur have a company called journey see where we're
30:44celebrating every dad's unique journey towards creating legacy for their
30:49children so check that out it wouldn't be right if we gave you these jewels and
30:54didn't give you the business so take care every dad we salute you wherever you
30:58are and enjoy the rest of dear
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