- 2 days ago
An empowering panel on Black fatherhood, featuring D-Nice, Bivian "Sonny" Lee, and the acclaimed Dear Fathers co-founder Jesse Alex. Explore the joys, challenges, and importance of fatherhood in our community. Gain insights, share experiences, and celebrate the diverse roles of Black men in shaping the next generation.
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00What's up, y'all? What's going on, Suede? How y'all doing today?
00:03Everybody good?
00:04You enjoying our Essence Festival of Culture Dirty 30?
00:10Yeah?
00:12Well, I'm glad to have y'all in the Suede Men's Experience.
00:15My name is Michael Barclay.
00:16I am the Executive Vice President of Experiential here at Essence Ventures.
00:22And it is my great pleasure, with my incredible team,
00:26to throw this party for the Essence brand and Essence Festival.
00:30Who went to the show last night?
00:34Did you win the Usher tickets?
00:38We got other surprises tonight, so you might win some.
00:40You come tonight.
00:41Anyway, I'm here today.
00:43We got a great discussion coming up about Black Dads.
00:47The title is Black Dads, Strength, Love, and Legacy.
00:52And I'm going to bring up some of my brothers,
00:53and we're going to have a quick discussion about the importance of us and the family
00:57and what it means to be a black father nowadays.
01:00So, without further ado, I'm going to start introducing these incredible fathers.
01:04First up, I got Ryan Burks.
01:06He is the President of RICAR Construction,
01:09the board member of Son of a Saint here in New Orleans,
01:12and a proud father of three.
01:19Yes, sir.
01:19Up next, this is my brother.
01:24We go way, way back.
01:27Way, way, way back.
01:28My brother, I call him Derek, but you can call him D-Nice.
01:33Well known as a rapper, of course,
01:36but also America's favorite DJ.
01:38Saved us during the quarantine issues with club quarantine during the pandemic.
01:42My man, my brother, D-Nice.
01:44And last but not least, we got Jesse Alex.
01:52He's the co-founder of a platform, not a podcast,
01:55a platform called Dear Fathers
01:58that reaches out to over 1 million people weekly
02:01and provides restoration and resources for black families.
02:06These are the panelists.
02:07We're going to talk about it.
02:08Let's go.
02:08So we're going to get into it.
02:13First question for the entire panel,
02:16and we can start, I'm going to go from left to right.
02:20Black fathers can be an example of strength and resilience to their children
02:23and for the black community as a whole.
02:27What does black, what does fatherhood mean to you?
02:31I'm going to start with you, Ryan.
02:32Fatherhood, to me, is an opportunity and a responsibility for us
02:40to nurture and develop our children,
02:44establish hope and discipline and love,
02:47and also just building that foundation for our communities
02:51because it's very vital for us to make sure that our children have solid foundation,
02:56but also that they're nurtured.
02:58You know, a lot of the issues for us is that it's due to a lack of fatherhood.
03:03Absolutely.
03:04D?
03:05I mean, sometimes it's not just black fathers, just parents in general.
03:09Like, I grew up in the Bronx.
03:13I'm a New Yorker.
03:15And, yes, BX all day.
03:16BX.
03:17And I didn't live in a household with my parents,
03:19so a lot of what I learned about fatherhood actually came from television,
03:23you know, like watching, you know, a Cosby show or, you know, just these old TV shows.
03:29And I remember, like, when my daughter was born, I have a 28, 27-year-old daughter,
03:35and she's actually one of my attorneys.
03:38And it's been the proudest moment of my life, like, being her father,
03:44not about being her boss or employer, like, none of that.
03:46It's like being her father and watching, you know,
03:49all the mistakes that I made when I was younger and being able to help guide her
03:53and seeing her just thrive in life gives me the absolute most enjoyment
03:59that I've ever experienced.
04:01That's amazing.
04:02Shout-out to Ashley, daughter, lawyer.
04:05Got to give it a shout.
04:07Yeah, and for me, you know, I agree with both of these guys,
04:10but, like, growing up in St. Louis, Missouri,
04:12I actually started my platform because I grew up without a dad.
04:15So, you know, I wanted to create a safe space for black men
04:18and black fathers to share their stories because, as we all know,
04:22on this stage, black men don't really have a space to be vulnerable.
04:25So Dear Fathers is all about creating a safe space for guys to be vulnerable,
04:29and I think it's very important for fathers to be able to share their stories
04:33but then also get the resources they need.
04:36Absolutely.
04:36No, I 100% agree.
04:39And speaking of fathers, I want to give a shout-out to my father
04:41who's actually in the crowd.
04:42Oh, wow, your dad's here.
04:43My parents, my mom, and my dad.
04:44Yeah, definitely important, both, again, being a father of three myself
04:51but also having an amazing father who chose me.
04:57He's not my birth father, but he chose to be my father,
04:59and so I learned a lot from him, and I really appreciate him.
05:01I'm so glad he's here today.
05:05Speaking of, I'm going to go to what you said, D,
05:07about the examples that you had.
05:08So how did you learn to be a father?
05:10So I made, actually, I don't want to say it was a mistake.
05:15You know, when I became a parent, I was so angry with my own father
05:21that I tried to do everything that he didn't do,
05:25so I would kind of overcompensate because I was trying to, you know,
05:28I just wanted to be the type of father that I wanted,
05:31and then one day I realized, like, no, just be a great dad, you know,
05:34and I've been fortunate, you know, in my adult life
05:38to have been surrounded by men, black men in particular,
05:42who just kind of showed me the way.
05:45If I made a mistake or whatever it was,
05:48like, my brothers were always there, and they always had my back.
05:51So it was really about my community, you know,
05:54and how I learned to be a good dad.
05:56Brian?
05:58You know, a lot of, for me, it was more of watching what my dad,
06:04grandfather, and other men in the community did,
06:07but I would also piggyback on what he just said.
06:10A lot of times you catalog things that you didn't personally experience,
06:16and then you try to make sure that your children do not go through that same lack
06:21or that you experience.
06:24But the biggest thing for me is that you really have to,
06:27there's no real true blueprint to being a father
06:29because human beings are all unique and different,
06:32so you have to really study those kids
06:35and try to adapt and adjust to each one individually, so it's challenging.
06:41Yeah, you're absolutely right.
06:42There's no blueprint, and, you know,
06:44I always ask my friends, my family, and my brothers
06:47whenever they're expecting, like, are you ready?
06:50Like, are you ready to be a father?
06:51It's a trick question, though, because the right answer is no.
06:55No, you're never ready.
06:56You're never ready.
06:57I've been a father now for 20 years.
06:59I get curveballs every week.
07:01It's something completely different.
07:02So you always got to be on the swivel, right?
07:05So you're never ready, and you're always learning,
07:08and all the examples that you have with your family,
07:11again, the men in your life,
07:13and the things that you see, you talk about television.
07:15We did a panel last year, and we were talking about
07:17sometimes you're Cliff Huxtable,
07:18sometimes you're Furious Styles from, you know,
07:21from Boys in the Hood.
07:23So, you know, you have to really take it all in,
07:26and it really takes all of that to be a good father.
07:30Jesse, you talked about it a little bit,
07:32but I wanted to go a little deeper
07:33on why you launched your platform.
07:36Yeah, so, again, I grew up without my pops, right?
07:39So, like, as I got into my mid to late 20s,
07:42I was always, like, you know,
07:44kind of just think about who I wanted to be
07:46as a black man and black father,
07:47and I realized I never really saw what that looked like.
07:50And I have a passion for community building,
07:52creating safe spaces, but then also storytelling.
07:55So me and our other co-founder,
07:56who's a good friend of mine, over 20-plus years,
07:59we grew up together, we played basketball together,
08:01we went to college together.
08:03We're like, how can we create a safe space
08:05for men and fathers to be able to share their stories?
08:08So I always say that it was a platform
08:11that was birthed, turning my pain into my purpose.
08:15So I grew up without my dad,
08:17but at the same time,
08:19I created this safe space for black men
08:21and black fathers to be able to share their stories,
08:24but then also get resources.
08:25So at the foundation, you know,
08:28I didn't have a father, right?
08:29You know, I'm not a father yet.
08:31You know, I strive to be,
08:32but this platform has helped so many men and fathers
08:35that, you know, it's truly a blessing.
08:38And when did you start it?
08:40We started the platform in September of 2019.
08:44And I said a million.
08:46Is that accurate?
08:47Like, what's your number?
08:48Yeah, well, social media-wise,
08:50we reach, like, five million-plus,
08:54but, you know, we just relaunched our podcast
08:56earlier this year with episodes with Shaq,
09:01Pusha T, just recently Master P, Young Jock,
09:05a few other guys.
09:06So, you know, things are going really well.
09:08No, that's amazing.
09:09So in five years,
09:12you've reached over five million people.
09:15That's incredible, bro.
09:16That's incredible.
09:16Amazing.
09:17Shout out to you.
09:18I actually just love that he's not even a dad yet.
09:21Right.
09:22And I really do love that,
09:24that you are building this platform
09:25and you're not even a dad yet,
09:28and you're just so concerned about making sure that,
09:31like, you know, when you do have your child,
09:34if that's what you choose to do,
09:36that you have resources.
09:38So commend you, brother.
09:39I appreciate that, man.
09:40So we talked about it a little bit,
09:44but as we just said,
09:46you know, you're never really ready to be a father.
09:49You're always getting ready.
09:51But what would you want black men to know about fatherhood?
09:57I'll start with you, D.
09:59Man, so I'm the father of two daughters.
10:04And I remember when my daughter was five,
10:08she was five years old,
10:09but we didn't really have the resources
10:11to send her to what we considered
10:14to be, like, a proper daycare.
10:16You know, we had to...
10:18This was after my rap days
10:20when I was trying to find myself again.
10:22Sent her, like, to this woman's house.
10:24She had a daycare at home.
10:26They called her auntie.
10:28And one day I went to pick her up from auntie's place,
10:31and the kids were watching Judge Joe Brown.
10:35I'm not making this up.
10:37I was livid.
10:38I was like, why are they watching this?
10:40Like, this doesn't make sense.
10:43And on our walk...
10:44I mean, I said a couple of things,
10:45you know, a few more things after that.
10:47But on our walk home,
10:49on our walk home,
10:51all she kept saying to me was,
10:53I want to be a lawyer.
10:54I want to be a lawyer.
10:55She was five.
10:55Like, so to watch her on this journey to be her father,
11:00and instead of, you know,
11:02my job was to just kind of, like,
11:03help guide her with her dreams.
11:06She never wanted to be anything else but a lawyer.
11:09That was it.
11:09So to watch her go to Spelman,
11:11then she went to Penn State Law School,
11:13and one day we were at, you know,
11:15a DJ for the Obama's,
11:17and one day we were at the house,
11:18and she was talking to Michelle,
11:20and, you know, Michelle told her a story.
11:23She was like, hey,
11:23my daughter was about to take the bar,
11:25and she said, don't worry about it.
11:26I failed the bar the first time.
11:28If you fail, it's okay.
11:30And she was taking a New York bar,
11:31and she passed it, you know, first time.
11:35And it was just beautiful
11:36to just be, like, this dad who...
11:40My whole job was to just make sure
11:42that she found her way in life.
11:44And that is, like, that's the biggest joy,
11:47like, being the father, man.
11:48It's the biggest joy.
11:50Ryan?
11:52Well, you know, I'm the father of three children.
11:55I'm a daughter and two sons.
11:58One thing I want men to know is that
12:01there's a...
12:03not to be overburdened
12:06because you're still growing,
12:08and you're evolving,
12:09and so you have this dynamic thing
12:13that's happening because you're growing
12:14and your children are growing at the same time.
12:17You have your own dreams,
12:18and they have theirs, too.
12:20But you're constantly modeling
12:22and not understanding.
12:23You have to always know that the children
12:24are watching what you're doing.
12:27And so really just setting a foundation
12:29of that discipline and that work ethic.
12:32The other thing is that I've...
12:34And I see it more as my children get older,
12:36is that each one has a part of your personality
12:39within them,
12:41and usually a part that you don't like, right?
12:43Right.
12:43Exactly, exactly.
12:45So that's one of the challenging things
12:47that I've always had to try to deal with
12:50is so when I deal with my sons,
12:53primarily my sons,
12:54you know, we have this egotistical dynamic between us,
12:58but I love them all.
12:59But it's just...
13:00You see those things in them,
13:01like the headstrong part,
13:03and you're like,
13:05man, I've seen that before.
13:07I think my parents have seen it as well.
13:09But that's one of the things
13:11that you just know is like,
13:12man, that is, they're evolving.
13:14You got to let them grow,
13:17but still try to keep them in line.
13:19No, definitely.
13:22Jesse, with the platform,
13:25have you seen anything or any information
13:27from any of the people that you just talked to
13:29or feature that you think should be included
13:32in this conversation
13:33about what black men should know about fatherhood?
13:36Yeah, I think the biggest thing that I see,
13:37and it's a broad, you know,
13:40just, you know, kind of thing that I see,
13:43but it's that we're not alone.
13:45Black men, black fathers, you're not alone.
13:47There's guys going through the same thing all over, right?
13:50And I think the biggest thing
13:51that we all need as men is community.
13:54So even I thank you all
13:56for just allowing me to be in this space
13:58because each time I'm involved
14:00in these type of conversations,
14:01I learn something from each and every one of you.
14:04So, like, I think the biggest thing we need as men,
14:06and obviously I'm not a father yet,
14:08but as fathers, what I see is community.
14:10So I appreciate this platform and this space
14:13to just be able to connect with you brothers
14:15and learn something.
14:17Yeah, absolutely.
14:18You know, whenever I get that phone call
14:21of a nervous father-to-be,
14:25the main thing that I let them know
14:26is one, you don't have to be perfect to be a father.
14:28Correct.
14:29And two, your life is not over as you know it
14:32because that's sometimes, that's the first thought,
14:34like, oh, man, I ain't gonna be able to play Madden no more.
14:36I play Madden with my son.
14:39My son's in here.
14:41I used to play Madden with him on my lap
14:42because I was like, I must keep playing Madden
14:44and now me and him play against each other.
14:46And he's a 20-year-old college student.
14:48So you can bring yourself to fatherhood.
14:52You don't have to change yourself to be a father.
14:54So I think that's one of the things
14:55that I make sure everybody knows
14:57and through experience.
14:58So we talk a little bit about, you know,
15:03some of the things we want folks to know
15:05or brothers to know about being fathers.
15:07Are there any recent lessons?
15:09Because, again, you know, this thing evolves.
15:12So are there any recent new information
15:14that you've picked up about fatherhood
15:16that you want to talk about, Ryan?
15:20Well, it never ends.
15:23It never ends.
15:25I mean, I just think there's, it evolves.
15:27You know, you go from adolescence, teenagers.
15:31You know, all my kids have gone through college.
15:33So I've seen the growth.
15:37I've been blessed through our business.
15:39All three of my kids work for my company.
15:42That's incredible.
15:43So now I have a whole different kind of dynamic
15:45that is we have a family dynamic
15:48and then you actually have a professional relationship,
15:51which is extremely difficult to manage.
15:54But I'm working on that.
15:57But that's, but I mean, it's just, it's ever evolving
16:00because now they're going through.
16:01My daughter just recently got married.
16:03And so she's transitioning in her life.
16:07And my sons are dating, trying to find their next step.
16:11And so you're just giving advice, you know.
16:13So you're constantly giving advice and leading your children.
16:18D, I'm going to just go in the order.
16:19D.
16:19D, well, what have I learned recently?
16:22Recent.
16:24D, I will say this.
16:25Just before the school year ended, my daughter asked,
16:30I have a 12-year-old daughter, 27-year-old and a 12-year-old daughter.
16:34And my 12-year-old, she goes to private school in Los Angeles.
16:37And she asked me if I would attend her debate.
16:42I was like, all right, cool.
16:43And went to this debate.
16:45And I sat in the back room, back of the classroom.
16:48And I watched these kids argue.
16:50Like, their argument was just great.
16:52Like, they were talking about fossil fuels.
16:55And I was sitting there looking at my kid.
16:57At 12?
16:57When she got up to, yes, when she got up to just speak her part,
17:02I started tearing up, you know, because it's, for me,
17:06it's like to watch your kids grow and to become their own person.
17:12And, you know, her personality is totally different than my oldest daughter.
17:16You know, and she was just brilliant.
17:19And I just felt like, wow, like, to be a parent where,
17:24to be the type of parent that I am
17:25and to be able to afford to send my kids to the proper school,
17:30to get the proper education, because it's extremely important.
17:32Like, we were very, even with my oldest daughter,
17:34it was important to me that she went to Spelman.
17:37You know, that's what I wanted.
17:38I wanted her to go to an HBCU.
17:41And it's important for me.
17:42Like, education is everything.
17:43I went to HBCU.
17:44Oh, that's what's up.
17:45But it's just great.
17:47It's important to me to make sure
17:50and ensure that my kids are, like, properly educated.
17:52And in that moment, I knew, like, no, allow her to be her own person.
17:58I'm not a dictator.
18:00I'm just there to help you, help guide you.
18:02And it's just beautiful to see, man.
18:06Justin, anything?
18:08Yeah, so I don't have anything to that, obviously,
18:10because I'm not a dad.
18:11But I will say this, though.
18:13You know, years ago, I was actually, like,
18:16just kind of hesitant or scared to have kids,
18:18because, again, I never saw what that looked like, right,
18:20like, in terms of being a father.
18:22But since starting a platform, you know, hearing the stories,
18:26having conversations like this right here,
18:28I'm actually looking forward to that moment.
18:29So, again, I appreciate you, brothers,
18:31for just being the pillars that you are in the community,
18:34but also the men that you are as fathers,
18:36because it makes me excited about that moment.
18:39Yeah, Ryan, you're absolutely right.
18:41It never ends.
18:42You know, the stages change.
18:44You know, I recently now have two adult children,
18:49and I keep saying I've been promoted from father to advisor.
18:53Like, you don't have to do what I say,
18:55but I would give you some advice.
18:56So, all right, before we wrap up,
18:59because we're about to wrap this thing,
19:00I just want to give everybody an opportunity
19:02to talk about where people can get more information about you,
19:05your business, what you got coming up next.
19:07So I'm going to start on that end, starting with you.
19:10Yeah, so you can follow me personally on Instagram
19:13at meetjessealex,
19:15but then you can also follow Dear Fathers
19:17at dear.fathers on Instagram
19:19and just search Dear Fathers on our platforms.
19:22Yeah, just stay tuned.
19:24You can go to our website, dearfathers.com,
19:26and join the community and stay updated
19:28on different events that we have coming up in different cities.
19:31We partner with different NBA and MLB teams
19:34to do this thing we call Dear Fathers Night,
19:36which is a pregame panel on fatherhood and mental health.
19:39And, yeah, just we got a lot of things going on.
19:42Again, a podcast, so check us out on YouTube.
19:45Our most recent episode was with Master P,
19:47and we have some great episodes coming up.
19:50Nice.
19:52D?
19:52I mean, I guess you can follow me on Instagram.
19:57Yeah, I mean, that's pretty much it.
20:00This summer, I just have a bunch of gigs coming up,
20:02and everything's always on IG.
20:05Yeah, I'd rather pass it on because, yeah.
20:07Yeah, what are you doing, man?
20:10Who, me?
20:12What do you have coming up next?
20:14I get to go get on with the rest of my life
20:17after Essence Festival because, you know,
20:18my life is Essence Fest and then everything after Essence Fest.
20:21So, yeah.
20:22Actually, I'm going to go back.
20:23I am going to say something.
20:24I am involved in a couple of things.
20:26Sometimes I just don't talk about it
20:28because it's just my life, and I love it.
20:31Yeah, speak on.
20:31I'm in different businesses,
20:34and that's another thing that I'm excited about.
20:35You know, I'm a partner in the cognac.
20:38We have a cognac that was named the best cognac of 2024.
20:42It's fantastic.
20:43It's called Martingale.
20:44I have a plant.
20:46I'm a partner in a plant-based snack company
20:48called Outstanding Foods,
20:49and we do have, like, my personal flavor coming out
20:53towards the end of this year.
20:55And, you know, I'm just trying to always do things that I love.
20:58Well, it's terrible,
21:00but I do have a cigar as well with Alvaro.
21:02But it's what I love.
21:03Why are you trying to look like you don't have nothing going on, man?
21:05Why you didn't want to say nothing?
21:06Yeah, I'll let it.
21:08Ryan, what you got going on?
21:10How can people learn more about you and your company?
21:13You can follow us on social media,
21:16Rycars Construction is the name of the company.
21:18The website is Rycars.com.
21:22Me and myself, I'm on,
21:26my Instagram handle is First Class All Day Every Day.
21:29Okay.
21:31But I also would have liked to,
21:33I am here actually representing Son of a Saint,
21:36so I'll be remiss not to let everybody understand
21:39that Son of a Saint is a wonderful organization
21:42that I've had an opportunity to be chairman.
21:44I'm board emeritus for the organization.
21:47And it ties in with this panel,
21:51primarily because our whole mission is to support fatherless boys.
21:56The founder of the organization, Vivian Sonny Lee III,
21:59lost his father when he was three years old.
22:01And so we have 350 boys in our program,
22:05and we kind of put a whole bunch of mentoring and positive development
22:10for these young boys starting at the age of 10,
22:14and we monitor and work with them all over the age of 21.
22:17So sonofasaint.org, it's a great organization.
22:21Love for you to support and follow us.
22:24Well, I just want to say I appreciate every single one of you brothers
22:28for what you're doing to put the positive information out there
22:32about black fatherhood.
22:34You know, it's a lot of negative about us and that we are not there,
22:37but clearly we're here, and we've got a platform to show that as well.
22:41So I appreciate this conversation.
22:43It's been a pleasure.
22:43You know, it's close to near and dear to my heart.
22:45Shout out to my whole family and friends over there.
22:47Thank y'all for coming to see me.
22:50It's time to go to the Superdome and put on that white, y'all.
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