00:00Good morning.
00:10I'd encourage you to find your chair.
00:14It's a bit hard to see through.
00:20Thank you very much.
00:26This is some of my best work I'm doing here right now.
00:30Thank you very much.
00:41Just going to wait for the last little cuddle over there.
00:47Thank you very much.
00:50Oh, I mean, that's...
00:53Thank you. I've got more.
00:56Thank you for this opportunity to speak here.
01:00To be asked to address a room sort of chock-a-block full of such incredible people is an absolute honour for me.
01:07There is, after all, nothing a comedian aspires to more than a breakfast gig.
01:14So I'm very keen not to squander this moment I have.
01:21And that's why I've decided to use this opportunity to speak about men.
01:28Because they need more attention.
01:33And who better to give them that?
01:37Happy to help.
01:38Specifically, I want to speak about the good men.
01:49You're going to regret that clap.
01:51I want to speak about the very big problem I have with the good men.
01:58Especially the good men who take it upon themselves to talk about the bad men.
02:03I find good men talking about bad men incredibly irritating.
02:10And this is something the good men are doing a lot of at the moment.
02:16Not this moment, not this minute.
02:18Because the good men don't have to wake up early for their opportunity to monologue their hot take on misogyny.
02:26They get prime time TV and the late shows.
02:33And I tell you what, I am sick.
02:35I'm sick of turning my television on at the end of the day.
02:40To find anywhere up to 12 jimmies giving me their hot take.
02:49Don't get me wrong.
02:50There's nothing wrong with the jimmies and the Davids and the other jimmies.
02:55Good guys.
02:56Great guys.
02:57Some of my best friends are a jimmy.
03:02But the last history is have to listen to men monologue about misogyny.
03:09And how other men should just stop being creepy.
03:14As if that's the problem.
03:16If only these bad men just knew how not to be creepy.
03:22That's the problem.
03:23Is it the problem?
03:24Men, look, men are not creepy.
03:27I mean, I've said it.
03:29Men are not creepy.
03:31Do you know what's creepy?
03:34Spiders.
03:37Because we don't know how they move.
03:38Rejecting the humanity of a woman is not creepiness.
03:45It is misogyny.
03:48So why can't men monologue about these issues?
03:55Well, they can.
03:58And they do.
04:01My problem is that according to the jimmies, is that there are only two types of bad men.
04:08There's the Weinstein, Bill Cosby types, who are so utterly horrible that they might as well be different speakers.
04:15These are apparently good men who simply misread the rules.
04:19Garden variety consent dyslexics.
04:22They have the rule book, but they just skimmed it, you know.
04:30Oh, that's a semicolon.
04:31My bad.
04:32I thought it meant anal.
04:33I thought it meant anal.
04:39Sorry for the vegans in the room.
04:41My issue is that when good men talk about bad men, they always ignore the line in the sand.
04:50The line in the sand that is inevitably drawn whenever a good man talks about bad men.
04:55I am a good man.
04:56Here is the line.
04:58There are all the bad men.
05:00The jimmies and the good men won't talk about this line, but we really need to talk about this line.
05:06Let's call it Kevin.
05:09And let's never call it that again.
05:11We need to talk about how men will draw a different line for every different occasion.
05:16They have a line for the locker room, a line for when their wives, mothers, daughters and sisters are watching.
05:22Another line for when they're drunk and fratting.
05:25Another line for non-disclosure.
05:27A line for friends and a line for foes.
05:30You know why we need to talk about this line between good men and bad men?
05:34Because it's only good men who get to draw that line.
05:39And guess what?
05:40All men believe they are good.
05:45We need to talk about this because guess what happens when only good men get to draw that line?
05:52This world, a world full of good men who do very bad things and still believe in their heart of hearts that they are good men because they have not crossed the line.
06:08Because they moved the line for their own good.
06:11Women should be in control of their own good men.
06:12Women should be in control of that line.
06:15No question.
06:17Now take everything I have set up under this point and replace man with white person.
06:32And know that if you are a white woman you have no place drawing lines in the sand between good white people and bad white people.
06:48I encourage you to also take the time to replace man with straight or cis or able-bodied or neurotypical, etc., etc.
06:58Everybody believes they are fundamentally good and we all need to believe we are fundamentally good because believing you are fundamentally good is part of the human condition.
07:09But if you have to believe someone else is bad in order to believe you are good, you are drawing a very dangerous line.
07:18In many ways, these lines in the sand we all draw are stories we tell to ourselves so we can still believe we are good people.
07:28And every single one of us in this room number amongst the most powerful storytellers.
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