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Short filmTranscript
00:01Previously on Desperate Housewives...
00:03Grandma's here!
00:04...in life...
00:05It's called a post-nuptial agreement.
00:07I'm not signing this.
00:09Sign it!
00:10Stop! You're hurting me!
00:12This is Elise. What are you doing here?
00:14You can't change what's already been done.
00:16People leave trails. One of those trails will lead to Deirdre.
00:19I'm not taking my money to the grave.
00:21I'm gonna use it to save your ass.
00:23...or who people really are.
00:25Andrew just told me he thinks he might be gay.
00:30Every morning as she went to take out her trash,
00:36Lynette Scavo would indulge in a little daydream.
00:39The details of which were always the same.
00:43One day, her nasty neighbor Karen McCluskey would keel over and die.
00:50And her home would be bought by a lovely Swedish family
00:55with two adorable twin daughters.
00:58The families would form an everlasting friendship.
01:02Culminating in their daughters marrying her sons at an elaborate wedding.
01:07The Scavos wouldn't have to pay for.
01:13Yes, Lynette enjoyed her little daydream.
01:17But Mrs. McCluskey always had a way of pulling her back to reality.
01:23Hey, hey, hey, hey!
01:26Why are you stealing my garbage cans?
01:28The garbage pickup was two days ago, and these cans have been on the street ever since.
01:31I just assumed you didn't want them anymore.
01:33Oh, that's very cute.
01:34That's good.
01:35Here.
01:36Give them hair.
01:37Better not, we gotta look at that god-awful color you painted at the house.
01:40We shouldn't have to stare at your cans for days on end.
01:42You wanna talk about good neighbor etiquette?
01:44How about you hire a gardener to take care of that jungle you call a lawn?
01:48I am out of fixed income.
01:49Oh!
01:50Well, perhaps you should consider moving somewhere less expensive.
01:52Like a nursing home.
01:54Go to hell.
01:55Run by Germans, hmm?
01:56And, you know...
01:57Oh!
01:58Oh!
01:59Mrs. McCluskey?
02:00Mrs. McCluskey, are you alright?
02:01I'll get the door.
02:02Mrs. McCluskey.
02:03For a brief moment, Lynette was presented with an interesting choice of options.
02:21And though she knew she'd hate herself in the morning, Lynette chose to do the right thing.
02:27Lynette, where are they taking me?
02:29You're going to the hospital, Mrs. McCluskey.
02:31You're gonna be fine.
02:32Well, I don't wanna go alone.
02:34Come with me.
02:35Oh, um...
02:36These are trained technicians, and I've got a roast in the... freezer.
02:40Please.
02:41I'm scared.
02:46Yeah, I'll come with you.
02:48Okay, here I am.
02:51If I die, I don't want it to be with strangers.
02:54You're not going to die.
02:56How can you be so sure?
02:59Of course, Lynette didn't respond.
03:02How could she tell her neighbor that some dreams are just too beautiful to come true?
03:21You know what I...
03:22Sit down.
03:23Do you have them ever to commit to Madame for once?
03:32Yeah, I love it.
03:37Who?
03:38How could she tell her of children?
03:41I'll go the other way.
03:42If only when someone hasotenered this instriman, they should all get ready.
03:45Life is a journey, one that is much better traveled with a companion by our side.
04:01But sometimes we lose our companions along the way, and then the journey becomes unbearable.
04:10Noah?
04:12Didn't know you were a religious man?
04:14What's with the rosary?
04:17They found Deirdre.
04:19What?
04:21Her body had been stuffed inside a toy chest.
04:25Can you believe that?
04:28A kid's toy chest.
04:35She'd been dismembered.
04:42Oh, my God.
04:44Cops ID'd her from her dental records.
04:52She's been dead 15 years.
04:56All that time I was looking for, she was already gone.
05:01I'm so sorry.
05:08I have to bury my baby.
05:11I came out here to figure out what kind of tombstone to get her.
05:15You shouldn't be doing this now.
05:19Let's get you home.
05:23There's a cop I want you to talk to.
05:25A cop?
05:26His name is Sullivan.
05:28I paid him to take the heat off you for your neighbor's murder.
05:31He'll get you the file on Deirdre's case.
05:33Apparently, they have some leads.
05:44I don't know.
05:45I think we may be making a huge mistake.
05:47We made our decision.
05:48Let's just stick to it.
05:49Let's say we leave him here three more weeks.
05:52What's the worst that could happen?
05:53Our son just told us that he might be gay.
05:57There are 200 other boys in this camp.
06:00Now, I could explain to you what might happen if we left him here,
06:04but I'm a lady, and I don't use that kind of language.
06:06Now, I bet we're wearing ourselves sick over nothing.
06:14This is probably just a phase.
06:15Exactly.
06:16So we'll get him home, we'll get him into Christian counseling,
06:18so it won't become a lifestyle.
06:20Well, whatever's going on with him, he's still our son, and we love him.
06:24Why would you say that to me?
06:25Because it's obvious how freaked out you are by the whole gay thing.
06:29I may be freaked out, but that doesn't change how I feel about him.
06:32I'm just saying, be cool.
06:36And I can be just as cool as you can.
06:40All right.
06:51It'll be nice to have you back.
06:54Andrew, I would love you even if you were a murderer.
07:06Mommy, the life's not moving.
07:12Oh, for Pete's sake.
07:20Mom.
07:21Mom, kids are waiting.
07:23Oh, honey, Hector here teaches salsa dancing at the community center.
07:27I give private lessons, too.
07:28Oh, I bet you do.
07:31Mom.
07:32Why should you please not flirt with the ice cream man?
07:34Why not?
07:35Do you need a reason beyond the fact that he's the ice cream man?
07:39It's called moving on with your life.
07:42You just broke up with Morty two weeks ago.
07:43Don't you think you can at least pretend to mourn the relationship?
07:47Oh, you are such a stick in the mud.
07:48We should be out there having fun.
07:51I know what we can do tonight.
07:53We can go to some hip club and get some hot guys.
07:56Mom.
07:57Oh, it'll be great.
07:59I'll see him.
07:5942 and you can be 28.
08:01What?
08:04Oh, you can pull it off.
08:12Mrs. McCluskey, you're back from the hospital already?
08:14Turns out I OD'd a little bit on my arthritis medication.
08:17One pill I can open a jar of four pills, I'm face down calling for my life.
08:22You'll find out about that soon enough.
08:24Well, I'm glad to hear you were right.
08:27Here, it's my way of saying thank you for not letting me die out there on the lawn.
08:31Oh, Miss McCluskey, you don't have...
08:33You don't keep that.
08:34It's genuine Tiffany.
08:35It's been in my family for years.
08:38I don't know what to say.
08:39It's stunning.
08:41I didn't fight you in, but...
08:56Well, I wanted to tell you what my doctor said.
08:57It seems that arthritis is the least of my problems.
09:00See, I had this skin tag, or what I thought was a skin tag,
09:02but it turns out it might be more serious.
09:09What do you think you're doing?
09:11Please, I can't sleep in the den anymore.
09:13I need to sleep in a bed.
09:14Well, then you might want to try a motel, because you're not coming back in here.
09:19How many times have I got to say I'm sorry?
09:22Obviously a few more.
09:25I'm not proud of what I did.
09:27I admit, I was way out of line.
09:30You went back in this bed?
09:32You know what to do.
09:35I'm not tearing up the post nut.
09:37Why not?
09:38Because it's the one way that I can ensure you'll be here when I get out of jail.
09:41Well, then have fun at the motel.
09:45Fine.
09:46Tomorrow I'm canceling your credit cards.
09:48What?
09:49And I'm taking away your ATM as well.
09:50What am I supposed to do for money?
09:53Maybe once you see how good you've got it here, you'll start treating me with a little respect.
09:57You want my respect?
09:58Then tear up the post nut.
09:59Give me my pillow.
10:01One more thing.
10:04If you ever hurt me again, I will kill you.
10:07If you ever leave me for another man, I'll kill you.
10:14Boy, with all this passion, isn't it a shame that we're not having sex?
10:17I feel trapped.
10:32You want me to open a window?
10:34No, I'm talking about my life.
10:36Oh.
10:37Are we done making out?
10:39No, no.
10:40Keep going.
10:42So what's up?
10:43I'm unhappy with Carlos and my marriage.
10:48I feel like I don't have options and it's driving me crazy.
10:51Every time something went south in my life, I always had a plan B.
10:54Now I feel like I have nothing.
10:55What about me?
10:57And can't I be your plan B?
10:58Damn it, John.
10:59What is our new rule?
11:01Stop pretending we have a future.
11:04Well, can't you just walk out?
11:06No.
11:06Because if I leave, then I'll be broke and that's awful.
11:09If I stay, then he's in control and that's horrifying.
11:12And he cut up all my credit cards.
11:13Which means I'm married to him and unable to shop.
11:16Which is probably the worst of all possible worlds.
11:19I'm sorry.
11:20I'm going to figure something out.
11:24I'm not much fun today.
11:26I'm going to go.
11:29Wait.
11:34What's this?
11:35You deserve nice things.
11:36And if Mr. Solis won't provide them, I will.
11:39With your student credit card?
11:42I own my own business.
11:44You mow lawns.
11:44I make good money.
11:46You know, I have 20 houses and I'm this close to getting the driving range of the country club.
11:49I can't.
11:50Yes, you can.
11:51I'll pay it off.
11:59If you want.
12:00But you don't have to.
12:02Mrs. Solis, to take care of you, it's my dream.
12:09Well, far be it for me to stand in the way of a young man's dream.
12:13Okay, Tom.
12:16Yeah, I will swing by the dry cleaners after I hit the market.
12:19I don't know.
12:20Porter has a dentist appointment at 4 o'clock, so the car might have to wait until tomorrow.
12:26Okay.
12:26Yeah.
12:27I love you, too.
12:28Bye-bye.
12:29Hi there.
12:30I brought you some avocados.
12:31I have a tree and back, but I hate them, and your family seems like the kind that would eat guacamole.
12:36Mrs. McCluskey, thank you.
12:38That is very nice.
12:39So let's make up a batch.
12:40Oh, um, now's not a good time.
12:43I'm on my way out.
12:44I have a ton of errands.
12:45Oh, you know, that's great, because my car's on the fritz, and I could hitch a ride.
12:48I need to drop by the pharmacy anyway.
12:50No, I can't.
12:51I'm sorry, but I have a lot of things to do.
12:54Well, maybe you could take me later.
12:55I can drop by tomorrow.
12:56Mrs. McCluskey, I'm not going to have any time tomorrow.
12:58Oh.
13:00It sounds interesting that you can't spend two minutes with me, but you have no trouble taking my Tiffany lamp.
13:06Oh, for God's sakes.
13:10Here, you should take this back.
13:13I don't have a place for it.
13:16But that was my thank you for saving my life.
13:18I know, and it was a beautiful gesture.
13:21Really.
13:22But I just...
13:23Save it, Lynette.
13:24I get the picture.
13:38Oh!
13:39Oh, God!
13:40Susie, this is Tim.
13:44Sorry we startled you.
13:46Oh, uh...
13:47That's okay.
13:48I just didn't expect to see anybody up at a quarter to one.
13:52Oh, Susie, you should have come out tonight.
13:55I met Tim here at the Islands Bar, and he introduced me to this crazy drink at the dirty volcano.
14:03Oh!
14:03What?
14:03And then we danced, and he dipped me.
14:08Sophie's very limber.
14:11Um, Mom, could I just talk to you in the family room for a minute?
14:15Oh, sure.
14:16Susan is your daughter?
14:19Yep.
14:19No, she can't be.
14:21Jess?
14:22No.
14:22Yeah?
14:23No.
14:23Yeah?
14:24No!
14:25Yeah.
14:26Okay, we get it.
14:27She looks young.
14:32Oh, that man has magic fingers.
14:35What are you doing?
14:36I have a teenage daughter in the house.
14:37You can't just bring strange men you meet in bars here in the middle of the night.
14:40Just having a few laughs?
14:42What's the big deal?
14:43I know you're trying to get over Morty, but this is not the way to do it, so can you please
14:46just go out there and tell him to go home?
14:48You know how blue I've been.
14:51Why can't you be supportive?
14:52I have been plenty supportive.
14:54No, you haven't.
14:55You really haven't.
14:56Now, Tim is my guest, and he will go home when I say so.
15:02If he's not gone in five minutes, I'm going to go out there and tell him exactly how old
15:06you really are.
15:07Tim, it's time for me to go sleepy-bye.
15:19Delfino.
15:28Delfino.
15:31Yeah?
15:33You must be sold.
15:36The file on Noah's daughter.
15:39Yeah, you said you had some leads.
15:42Yeah, sure, we got some leads.
15:43Is there a problem?
15:47Gee, I don't know.
15:49I'm handing a confidential police report over to a killer and drug dealer.
15:53Why should that be a problem?
15:59Thanks.
16:00Is this what our justice system has come to?
16:03Guys like you walking the streets without a care in the world?
16:08I did my time.
16:09Not nearly enough, you piece of garbage.
16:11You know, I'm glad we had the chance to meet.
16:19Because apparently I'm no longer a murder suspect, thanks to you.
16:22So I don't want to seem ungrateful.
16:25But just out of curiosity, how much does it cost to buy off a homicide detective these
16:30days?
16:35Thanks again.
16:38Hey, Delfino, one more thing.
16:41Now, this file was misplaced.
17:01Understand?
17:02If even a whisper of this gets traced back to me, there will be one less cop killer on
17:09the street.
17:11For God's sakes, don't get any blood on the file.
17:19Ma'am, I'm sorry, but your credit card has been declined.
17:43What?
17:46Oh, no, that's impossible.
17:47It's a new card.
17:48I just went shopping with it.
17:50Try it again.
17:51Ma'am, I ran it three times and then I called the bank.
17:54Now may I try another card?
17:57Of course you may.
17:58Will you just give me a moment?
17:59Hello?
18:00I've been trying to call you, but you turned your cell off.
18:11Because I'm in a lovely restaurant having a lovely meal that I now can't pay for.
18:15Did you order already?
18:16I eat already.
18:18Look, the credit card company called my mom.
18:20I mean, they said that there was unusual activity on my card.
18:22I bought shoes.
18:23Well, I didn't know that.
18:24You know, and then my mom started asking all these questions, so I just blurted out that
18:28the card was stolen and she canceled it.
18:29Why would they call your parents as your account?
18:32They co-signed for it.
18:33Look, if you just explain to the waiter.
18:36What?
18:37That the credit card was canceled by my lover's mommy?
18:39What other options do you have?
18:41Unless you return the shoes and get the money back.
18:43Return the shoes?
18:45I can't talk to you when you're being hysterical.
18:50So, ma'am, what would you like to do about the bill?
19:03Afternoon.
19:06I've got a package for your neighbor, Karen McCluskey.
19:09You want to sign it?
19:10Well, isn't she home?
19:11She usually never goes anywhere.
19:12No one answered.
19:14All right.
19:18Okay.
19:31So, let me get this straight.
19:32You play tennis, you know wine, and you speak Mandarin.
19:37Does every other man in the world want you dead?
19:40Well, I'm not that impressive.
19:42I pulled a gray hair out of my chest this morning.
19:45I don't know.
19:46I'd watch your back.
19:49You know, I really enjoyed talking to you.
19:52You, uh...
19:54Well, you made my day.
19:57I was thinking if you'd like to get together again.
19:59Well, Sam, to tell you the truth, I'm kind of in a relationship right now.
20:06I just wanted to be honest.
20:07It's perfectly okay, Tina.
20:09By the way, this is on me.
20:14Oh, no, you shouldn't.
20:16Oh, please.
20:17It's my pleasure.
20:18This is going to be a disaster.
20:26It'll be fine.
20:30Andrew?
20:31Honey, hurry up.
20:32Dinner's ready.
20:33It's like we're setting a trap for him.
20:35It's for his own good.
20:36You'll see.
20:37It smells good.
20:40What are we having?
20:41I'm making homemade bratwurst with sweet and sour cabbage.
20:45It's a recipe I found in an old German cookbook.
20:50I'll get the door, honey.
20:51Why don't you pour the wine?
20:55Isn't Danielle spending the night at Wendy's?
20:58I believe she is.
20:59Well, then why did Mom set the table for four places?
21:03Huh?
21:03Uh, I asked who's coming for dinner.
21:07Andrew, you remember Reverend Sykes, don't you?
21:11Oh, come on.
21:13Um, Reverend, why don't you have a seat and I will get some refreshments.
21:19Ah.
21:21So, Andrew, it's been a long time.
21:26Yes.
21:27Yes, it has.
21:28Would you like some water?
21:29I have flat or bubbly?
21:30Oh, bubbly, please.
21:32Sue, your mother tells me you've started having some sex.
21:37sexual desires for other boys.
21:44I don't suppose I could get some of that.
21:47Nope.
21:48I'm going to need every drop.
21:51And over the years, we've had so many young people come to our ministry
21:55hating themselves for their unnatural desires.
21:58And within a few months, they've found an inner peace and a tranquility that is nothing
22:03short of miraculous.
22:04Oh.
22:05All it takes is a little faith and a desire to change.
22:08I'm sorry, but I really don't want to talk about my sex life.
22:14Well, that's just too bad, because this needs to be discussed.
22:16Bree, please, let the boys speak.
22:19Go on.
22:21Well, I appreciate your offer to help.
22:23I do.
22:24But I don't hate myself.
22:27So, I'm good.
22:28Son, I know what it's like to be a teenager.
22:31It's a very confusing time.
22:33I'm not confused.
22:35I know exactly who I am.
22:43Well, if you ever do want to talk, my door is always open.
22:48Reverend, I don't mean to criticize, but it sounds like you're giving up.
22:59We can't force him on a path of righteousness.
23:02He himself has got to want to make the journey.
23:06Well, then what do we do?
23:07Just stand by while he starts dating boys?
23:10And by the way, the correct word is not gay.
23:11It's sodomy.
23:12We're in the middle of dinner.
23:14So?
23:14So can you at least wait till dessert before calling our son a sodomite?
23:17How you can sit there and be so casual is beyond me.
23:19For starters, I knew this dinner was a bad idea the moment you suggested it.
23:23Well, at least I'm trying to be proactive.
23:25Please, there's no need to get upset.
23:26I am upset because there is a problem here.
23:28No one seems to notice it but me.
23:30As far as I'm concerned, if Andrew is happy with who he is,
23:33then it is our job to support him.
23:43Your father is into SNL.
23:45Breathe!
23:46He makes me beat him with a riding crop and I let him.
23:48It's no wonder you're perverted.
23:50Look who your parents are.
23:58Excuse me.
24:01What a fun night.
24:03You know, we should really do this again sometime.
24:06Hey!
24:18Hey!
24:19Hey!
24:20Good news!
24:21I know why you've been so furious at me.
24:24I haven't been furious at you.
24:25Well, yes, you have.
24:26And I don't blame you.
24:28Men have been coming on to me from left and right.
24:30And I just, I've been having so much fun and just enjoying life.
24:34And, well, what do I do?
24:35I throw it right in your face.
24:37I'd hate me, too.
24:39Mom, I don't hate you.
24:40Well, be that as it may,
24:43from here on out, I'm including you in all the fun.
24:45The fun?
24:46Mm-hmm.
24:47Your mother's come through.
24:49What have you done?
24:51You and I are going on a double date tonight.
24:53What?
24:54Tim has a friend from the box factory,
24:56and I thought the four of us could hang out,
24:58have a few drinks and more d'oeuvres and...
24:59Forget it.
25:00What, Susie?
25:01Mom, I'm sorry.
25:02I'm just not in the mood to hang out these days.
25:04Susie, sweetie, please.
25:06I can't cancel now.
25:07Oh, of course you can.
25:08Just call him up and tell him not to come over.
25:16Tim.
25:16Oh, hi, Sus.
25:18Hey, this is my buddy, Lamont.
25:20I bought peppermint schnapps.
25:34I'm sure she's fine.
25:37She never leaves her mail sitting out there.
25:39I mean, how many times has she thrown hours away
25:41because we didn't pick it up the second it came?
25:43That would be five.
25:45I don't know, Tom.
25:46I think something's happened to her.
25:48Okay, so go over and check on her.
25:49But if I'm wrong,
25:51then I'm sucked into a two-hour conversation about bunions.
25:54Don't go check on her.
25:55But six months from now,
25:56when they find her mummified corpse
25:58at the bottom of the basement stairs,
25:59what do I tell the kids?
26:00Oh, yeah, I let Mrs. McCluskey die.
26:02Yeah, and why would they care?
26:04Like they're gonna miss the dry-cleaning coupon
26:05she hands out on Halloween.
26:07Tom.
26:08Yeah, listen, honey,
26:09what can I say?
26:11You're damned if you do,
26:11you're damned if you don't,
26:12so, uh,
26:14good luck with that.
26:16Honey, I'm hating you a little bit right now.
26:23Hi, honey.
26:24Look at my new shoes.
26:26Yeah.
26:27Aren't they gorgeous?
26:28Honey, I'm trying to watch the game.
26:29Sorry.
26:38How'd you buy new shoes?
26:39Shh, talk later.
26:41You're watching the game.
26:42No, I want to talk about it now.
26:44You don't have any money,
26:45so what's the story?
26:46Oh, you've heard it before.
26:48Girl meets boy,
26:49boy buys girl things,
26:50girl leaves happy.
26:52What did you do?
26:53You know, I forgot how generous men could be.
26:56I also forgot I have options.
26:57A whole bunch of them.
26:58What the hell are you talking about?
27:00I don't need your credit cards, Carlos,
27:01and I don't need your money.
27:03But if our marriage is going to work,
27:04I need your respect.
27:06I'm not ripping up the post now.
27:08Yes, you are.
27:10Because if you don't,
27:11I'm going to put on my new shoes
27:12and walk out the door.
27:15Are you threatening me?
27:16No, I'm just pointing something out.
27:18I'm a pretty girl,
27:20and pretty girls are never lonely.
27:28I'm really ticklish.
27:41So, uh, children's books, right?
27:43Don't let them tickle.
27:45Well, I hope you know how lucky you are.
27:46Not everyone gets to realize their bliss.
27:49Yeah, it can be rewarding.
27:51Why don't you join me?
27:58No.
27:59I'm really ticklish.
28:01Come on!
28:03What's wrong?
28:04For God's sake, Tim, she's ticklish.
28:06How many times do you have to be told?
28:08No.
28:09This is so much fun.
28:10Come on, let's find another CD.
28:12Mother,
28:13don't you think it's getting a little late?
28:15Come on!
28:17You haven't even finished your snob.
28:25The perfect capper to the perfect evening.
28:29So, good night.
28:31It's been lovely,
28:32and, Lamont,
28:33good luck with all your inventions.
28:34Wow.
28:35It's only 11.30.
28:37I want to hit the club.
28:39I know a great place just off the interstate.
28:41Come on.
28:41Let's warm up the old doorway.
28:43Lamont, hold it!
28:44You are not getting in a car alone with those two.
28:48You barely know them.
28:49I have great instincts about people.
28:52I always have.
28:52Susie, you know that.
28:53You've been married four times.
28:55Yes.
28:56But twice to the same guy.
29:00Mother!
29:01Susie, please.
29:02You are embarrassing me.
29:03Oh, I'm embarrassing you?
29:05Yes.
29:06But I've had it.
29:07All right, Lon,
29:08I've been trying to get you to something so crappy,
29:10and you refuse to let me help.
29:13Oh, and your idea of helping
29:15is letting Tim just grope you?
29:17Hey, you shouldn't talk to your mother like that.
29:19She's a fine lady.
29:20Tim, could you just stay out of it?
29:22Yeah, mind your own business.
29:24Yeah, what's your problem, pal?
29:25Dude, you were feeling up her mother.
29:27It pissed me off, too.
29:28Come on, Susie.
29:30Let's go back inside.
29:31Let's go back inside.
29:33Lamont, give it up.
29:34You're not getting any.
29:35Why are you being this way?
29:39Just, I'm just trying to lighten things up.
29:42You stop acting like tonight was about helping me.
29:45You wanted to go out and have fun,
29:46and Lamont over there needed a date.
29:48That's not true.
29:49Yes, it is.
29:52Okay, for me.
29:53It's true.
29:54I wanted to get out and have fun.
29:56Why shouldn't I?
29:57You know how depressed I've been
29:59over my breakup with Morty.
30:00Yeah, I do.
30:01And that's what makes me so crazy.
30:02You know, the difference between you and I,
30:04that you could be heartbroken,
30:05and you can just move on.
30:07And I am just broken.
30:16I know.
30:17You're sad.
30:18No, Mom.
30:19I'm not sad.
30:21And I'm not crabby.
30:23I'm devastated.
30:25And you keep acting like all I need
30:26is a couple of aspirin.
30:27Morty was just one guy
30:30in a series of guys for you.
30:32And Mike...
30:34He was the one.
30:38Why don't you get that?
30:48It's Lynette!
30:51Hello?
30:54Mrs. McCluskey!
30:55Mrs. McCluskey?
31:00You all right?
31:00How did you get in here?
31:02Uh, Mr. Mullins had a spare.
31:07Why didn't you open the door?
31:08Because I was hoping that you'd go away.
31:12Have you been taking your arthritis medication?
31:14I don't need to.
31:15Sometimes the pain goes away by itself.
31:17Uh-huh.
31:19Is that why you didn't open the door?
31:21Because of your hands?
31:21Mrs. McCluskey, do you have anyone
31:26that could help you out?
31:27A relative?
31:29A friend?
31:30I'm fine.
31:34Okay.
31:38Okay.
31:40Uh, before you go,
31:43open these, would you?
31:44And put out the pills.
31:48Yeah.
31:48And don't get your hands all over them.
31:51God knows what your kids have picked up.
31:53Last thing I need, it's a case of pink eye.
31:57You're a piece of work, you know that?
31:59Well, this is crazy.
32:00Why'd they give you child-proof caps?
32:02Yeah.
32:02First thing tomorrow, I'm taking you to the pharmacy
32:04and we'll get you new bottles.
32:06Don't do me any favors.
32:07You don't even like me.
32:08I don't want you doing anything
32:09because you feel obligated.
32:10Let me tell you something.
32:12Half of life is obligations.
32:14You don't want to go to your husband's company
32:15Christmas party, but you do.
32:17You don't want to sell candy
32:18so your kid's band can buy piccolos,
32:20but you do it.
32:21You attend your third cousin's wedding.
32:22You pick up the dry cleaning.
32:24That's life.
32:25It's obligations.
32:26And you are now my obligation.
32:29So tomorrow morning, I'll pick you up
32:30and we'll go to the pharmacy.
32:32Gee, I'm touched by your outpouring of compassion.
32:35We don't have to be friends.
32:37But we're two human beings
32:38living on the same piece of earth.
32:41We can at least try and help each other out
32:43once in a while.
32:43And you know what?
32:53I am going to take this.
32:56Fine.
32:58I'll see you tomorrow morning.
32:59Pick me up at nine.
33:02And don't be late.
33:02Andrew, come here.
33:11I want you to see this.
33:16Um, what are you looking at?
33:18I'm looking at your baby pictures.
33:21Look at that one.
33:24How old was I there?
33:25Just four weeks old.
33:27I never told you this,
33:37but when I gave birth to you,
33:38there were complications.
33:41The umbilical cord
33:43wrapped around your neck
33:44and you stopped breathing.
33:46The room got very quiet.
33:48And I knew you were in trouble.
33:49So I turned to the doctor
33:52and I very calmly said
33:53that he was not to worry about me,
33:55that his job
33:56was to save your life.
33:58When I say I would die for you,
34:01that's not an expression.
34:05I mean it.
34:07Yeah, well, um...
34:09I'm gonna go eat my sandwich.
34:13Andrew,
34:14please just go and talk
34:16to Reverend Sykes.
34:17Oh, for God's sakes.
34:17He can counsel you.
34:18It can help.
34:19Mom, I don't need any help.
34:21All right?
34:22I'm fine.
34:23Why do you keep going on about this?
34:25Because if you don't change who you are,
34:27then you won't go to heaven.
34:34You, um...
34:36You don't think I'll go to heaven?
34:40No, I don't.
34:43And I need you there.
34:45I would be so lonely without you.
34:48Well, I guess I better go talk to Reverend Sykes.
34:57Oh, Andrew.
35:00Thank you so much.
35:01You don't know how much that means to me.
35:08Oh, my gosh.
35:11Are you okay?
35:11Oh, yeah, I just, uh, fell down the stairs.
35:14I'm fine.
35:15What's up?
35:16Susan still loves you.
35:20Wow.
35:21Um...
35:21Okay.
35:24Look, this is just not a good time for this conversation.
35:26She just misses you so much.
35:28Sophie, I just found out that someone I was very close to is dead.
35:32I've really got to figure out what I'm going to do,
35:34so I just don't have time to think about Susan right now.
35:37She's just very, very unhappy, and if you could just...
35:40I really don't.
35:42I'm sorry.
35:43I'm sorry.
35:43I'm sorry.
35:44Oh, my God.
35:45I'm sorry.
35:46Sorry.
35:48Oh, my God.
35:50I'm sorry.
35:52What's up?
36:00Oh, my God.
36:08Oh, my God.
36:11Oh, my God.
36:12Oh, my God.
36:13I swear before Almighty God, I won't reveal a word that's said here today.
36:22Now, what's on your mind?
36:27Well, here's the thing.
36:28I lied to my parents.
36:30I'm not gay.
36:32You're not?
36:34Not really.
36:36Look, all I know is I want to get the hell out of that camp.
36:39So, I lied to my parents and I told them that I was really worried that I was having feelings for other guys.
36:46And they did exactly what I wanted them to.
36:49They are such tools.
36:51I'm sorry, just so I'm clear.
36:53Are you a heterosexual or aren't you?
36:56Look, I love vanilla ice cream, okay?
37:01But every now and then I'm probably going to be in the mood for chocolate.
37:06You know what I'm saying?
37:09I do, but God would prefer you stick to the vanilla.
37:14I don't believe in God.
37:16You don't?
37:17No.
37:19I'm sorry.
37:22You know, your mother's going to be devastated.
37:24She's been praying so hard for you to change.
37:26Well, that's the good news.
37:28I am going to change.
37:30Big time.
37:31I'm not sure I follow.
37:32You know what my mom said to me last night?
37:39She said she doesn't think I'm going to heaven.
37:43Can you believe that?
37:43I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
37:48But the only way you can know paradise is by repenting your sins.
37:52When she said that to me, it suddenly hit me how I was going to get back at her.
38:01From now on, I'm going to be so good.
38:05I'm going to eat my vegetables.
38:07I'm going to get good grades.
38:09I'm going to say yes, ma'am, and no, ma'am.
38:11I'm going to make her believe that God has delivered her this little miracle.
38:18Until one day, when she least expects it, I'm going to do something so awful,
38:25it's going to rock her world.
38:27I mean, it is really going to destroy her.
38:33When that day comes, trust me, I'll know paradise.
38:39Yes, life is a journey.
38:55One that is much better traveled with a companion by our side.
39:00Of course, that companion can be just about anyone.
39:04Mrs. McCleskey!
39:06We're going to be late for the doctor.
39:08A neighbor on the other side of the street.
39:10I'm coming, jeez. Hold your water.
39:16There you go.
39:18No more post, no.
39:19Or the man on the other side of the bed.
39:27The companion can be a mother with good intentions.
39:31Thank you for a wonderful service, Reverend.
39:33Thank you so much for me.
39:34Or a child who's up to no good.
39:37Very inspirational.
39:44Still, despite our best intentions, some of us will lose our companions along the way.
39:50And then the journey becomes unbearable.
39:59You see, human beings are designed for many things.
40:03But loneliness isn't one of them.
40:09But loneliness isn't one of them.
40:09I love you.
40:22Thanks,
40:26You see, man.
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