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00:00Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:04If Libby here likes us as much as we like her,
00:06we should just go ahead and move to adopt her baby girl.
00:09Who's the father?
00:09Honestly, I don't know.
00:10Carlos and Gabby made a deal.
00:12I did remarry my ex, but it was only because he has great health insurance.
00:16Susan made amends.
00:17You know, I never thought I'd have such a good time
00:19hanging out with my girlfriend and her husband.
00:21And Mike.
00:22Didn't she mention we dated?
00:23Made a confession.
00:24Liar!
00:25You've just been leading me on.
00:26You're obviously still in love with this guy.
00:27Of his own.
00:31On her first day of sobriety, Brie Vandekamp found an old cork,
00:35which reminded her just how much she craved Chablis.
00:39So she called her sponsor,
00:41who came over with a DVD which they watched till her craving had passed.
00:47Five days later, after she'd developed a thirst for Merlot,
00:51Peter arrived with a deck of cards.
00:53The next week, he brought over Chinese takeout
00:56because Brie had told him she was consumed
00:58by thoughts of vintage Chardonnay.
01:01By her 20th day of sobriety,
01:04Brie had stopped thinking about alcohol altogether
01:07because her thoughts were now centered elsewhere.
01:11I'm curious, Peter.
01:16What is the easiest way to overcome addiction?
01:19Well, some folks try shock therapy,
01:22others use hypnosis,
01:24but taking it one day at a time still makes the most sense to me.
01:28Why?
01:28I don't know.
01:28I guess I'm just impatient to get on with my life.
01:30What are you doing?
01:37I'm just giving you a little kiss.
01:40Why?
01:41Well, it's just my way of saying thank you
01:43for everything you've done for me over the past few weeks.
01:48What's wrong?
01:50This is going to seem like it's coming out of left field,
01:51but in addition to being a recovering alcoholic,
01:54I'm also a member of SA.
01:59Sex addict synonymous.
02:04Oh, and that's a real thing?
02:06Yes, and sex is as much an addiction for me as booze.
02:10That's why when you turn me on like that,
02:12it's a bit of a problem.
02:13It's just a peck on the cheek.
02:14It doesn't matter.
02:15The slightest touch gets my juices flowing.
02:17So, how long has it been since you...
02:22A year.
02:24They have this rule, plant, pet, person.
02:27If I can keep a plant alive, you know,
02:29then I can move on to a pet.
02:31If I can make that work, then I can start dating again.
02:34So, how are you doing?
02:36I'm on my fourth ficus.
02:37Oh.
02:38Oh.
02:38See?
02:49I think you can handle affection better
02:51than you give yourself credit for.
02:52I'm sorry.
03:08Um, I think I should go.
03:10Really?
03:10Yeah.
03:11Peter, what?
03:12What?
03:12You forgot your shirt!
03:15Keep it.
03:18Though she didn't know it,
03:20Brie had answered her own question.
03:22The easiest way to overcome one addiction
03:25is to replace it with another.
03:37Temptation.
03:38It's the name of a well-known establishment
03:41on the outskirts of Fairview.
03:43Its clientele is devoted.
03:46Everyone who goes there
03:47wants to get their hands on something.
03:50And when they cross a line...
03:53Hey!
03:53I warned you, pal.
03:55...they are punished.
03:57As a certain married couple
03:59was about to discover.
04:01Hi.
04:02You want a lap dance?
04:03Um...
04:05No, thanks.
04:09No.
04:11I sure hope Libby likes this camera.
04:15Well, why wouldn't she?
04:16It's exactly what she asked for.
04:17The most expensive one in the store.
04:19Yeah, I'm telling you, Carlos,
04:20I'm getting really tired of kissing her ass.
04:22The woman is giving us her baby.
04:24We'll kiss whatever needs kissing.
04:25What the hell are you guys doing here?
04:30We brought you this gift
04:31and you said that you didn't want us
04:32coming by your house.
04:34Thanks, but I'm working,
04:35so you gotta go.
04:36Look, we spent a lot of money on that.
04:37The least you can do is open it
04:39so we can bask in your happy expression.
04:41Is there a problem here?
04:43No, we're just talking.
04:45Everything's fine.
04:46Carlos Solis, my wife Gabrielle,
04:48we're friends of Libby's.
04:49Oh, hey, I'm Frank, Libby's boyfriend.
04:51Libby, you didn't tell us you had a boyfriend.
04:56Didn't I?
04:57I thought I had.
04:58What's that?
04:58A present for our baby?
05:03I'm sorry, did you just say our baby?
05:05Yeah, it's our first.
05:11Hey, what's for lunch?
05:14Omlets.
05:14You want me to make you one?
05:15No, thank you.
05:16I'll just pick of yours.
05:17I didn't know you still had a key, Dad.
05:19Of course I do.
05:20I have to watch out for my two favorite ladies.
05:22Try the cheese.
05:23That's the best part.
05:24You mean two of your three favorite ladies.
05:29You know, when you add in Edie.
05:31Right, of course.
05:32Speaking of Edie, I have some big news.
05:35I finally did it.
05:37I popped the question.
05:38Oh, congratulations, Dad.
05:40Yeah, congratulations.
05:42What happened to waiting six months?
05:45Edie and I aren't getting married tomorrow.
05:47It takes months to plan a classy wedding.
05:49Remember ours?
05:52You had to have it outdoors.
05:54It poured.
05:56I could have murdered that weatherman.
05:58We were all crammed under this little gazebo thingy.
06:01It was hysterical.
06:02I thought the whole wedding day was ruined.
06:04I loved it.
06:05I felt spontaneous.
06:06All our friends gathered close around us.
06:11Remember?
06:11You said it was the happiest day of your life.
06:21Just like you marrying Edie will be the happiest day of her life.
06:24Yeah, right.
06:27You're her, too.
06:29Toodles.
06:36Oh, hi.
06:37Hello.
06:38Andrew said it was all right for me to get a cream soda.
06:42Uh, sure, help yourself.
06:43There's also frosted glasses in the freezer.
06:45Can is fine, but thank you.
06:47Oh, and, uh, I left a list for you of the witnesses we'll be deposing.
06:51It's, uh, there on the counter.
06:52Hi.
07:06Hey.
07:09I know that you're still angry with me, and, um, I wanted to tell you that I have, um, joined a recovery program.
07:20AA.
07:22I just wanted you to know that.
07:25And to tell you I'm sorry.
07:28You are a real friend, and I value your honesty.
07:34Oh, I don't want to be mad anymore.
07:37And I'm so happy to hear all that, and I am so proud of you.
07:40Oh, thanks, but I'm not really out of the woods yet.
07:42I still have this whole court case hanging over my head.
07:45I heard about that.
07:46Andrew's asking to be emancipated?
07:48Yes, and his lawyer is taking depositions now to see if I am a fit parent.
07:52Uh, uh, considering that mishap that I had with your kids, I, uh, I imagine he'll be anxious to talk to you.
08:00That makes sense, I guess.
08:01Yeah.
08:02Do you have any idea what you might say?
08:07I, um, I'll focus on your good qualities.
08:14I could not ask for anything more.
08:20Thanks.
08:21See you around, I hope.
08:22All right.
08:22That's not why you came to apologize, is it?
08:28What do you mean?
08:29To soften me up for the deposition?
08:32Of course not.
08:34Um, I just want you to understand something.
08:43Andrew is making accusations.
08:46False accusations saying that I abused him.
08:49All because I wouldn't let him have his trust fund early so he could buy a car.
08:53I mean, can you blame me for wanting to know if I have your support?
08:59And so, what?
09:02You want me to lie?
09:04Make you look good?
09:08I actually don't want anything of the sort.
09:12Good.
09:12Because when I give my deposition, I'm going to tell the truth.
09:30To what do I owe this pleasure?
09:31I want you to look at something.
09:39Myra Holt is talking to Paul Young.
09:41Chatting away with him as though he were any other neighbor.
09:43Now, I told her he killed my sister.
09:45I mentioned it to her six months ago when we were standing at the express line at the market.
09:49But still, there she is, yucking away.
09:52Oh, Mike.
09:54I'm afraid people's memories aren't what they used to be.
09:57What do you want, Felicia?
09:59I want to see how good your memory is.
10:02If you recall a certain promise you made to me.
10:05I am not going to kill him.
10:06Why not? Give me one good reason.
10:08Because things have changed.
10:09How?
10:09Well, my sister still lies rotting in the ground.
10:12So does Deirdre.
10:13Now, I don't see how anything's changed at all.
10:15You're just going to have to let this go.
10:17Sounds to me as though someone's let go of his rage.
10:21Maybe I have.
10:23Well, I haven't.
10:25That bitch of a stripper lied to us.
10:30The father's totally in the dark.
10:32He clearly wants to keep the baby.
10:33Mr. Solis, if the father wants to assert his rights here, there's nothing we can do.
10:38I'll find you another baby.
10:39I promise.
10:40I don't want another baby.
10:41I want this one.
10:42Honey, he's right.
10:43Okay, that trashy girl's been lying to us from the get-go.
10:46Let's just walk away while we can.
10:47It's not worth it.
10:48Don't get cold feet now, Gabby.
10:50Please.
10:50All right?
10:51Let's just pay Frank the way we paid Libby and then bring the baby home.
10:54Wait, wait, wait.
10:55You paid Libby?
10:57He said we could give her gifts.
10:58Everybody loves getting cash.
10:59I could probably be disbarred for even listening to this.
11:05I cannot condone baby buying, and I sure as hell can't be part of it.
11:09Oh, Mr. Beal, come on.
11:10No, no.
11:10Hear me out.
11:12If you are determined to go down this dark road and unbeknownst to me steal this paternal
11:17rights waiver that's sitting on my desk and have this Frank guy sign both sides and date
11:21the top, I can't be part of that either.
11:27Hmm.
11:29Okay, I'm going to go to Dad's.
11:34Oh, wait.
11:34Why don't you let me walk with you?
11:36Uh, shouldn't you be resting?
11:37No, I'm fine.
11:39The doctor said I should actually keep my blood flowing.
11:41Well, do I have to do it while we walk over to Edie's?
11:44I just, I don't want to risk you running into Dad.
11:48Okay.
11:49You guys have just been so chummy lately, and this whole flirting thing is kind of freaking
11:53me out.
11:54Wait a second.
11:55We're not flirting.
11:57Mom, you've got him eggs with your fork.
11:59Okay, yes.
12:01I am closer to your father than I have been in the past.
12:04The bitter hatred's now settled into a respectful disgust.
12:08That's the kind of thing most children of divorce dream about.
12:15Hey, Edie.
12:16What's all this stuff for?
12:17Oh, hi.
12:19Don't tell anyone, but I'm planning a huge surprise for Carl.
12:22A surprise?
12:23Yeah, I'm putting together an engagement party tomorrow afternoon.
12:26Oh, cool.
12:27But that's not the surprise.
12:29Actually, it's going to be a surprise wedding.
12:32I know.
12:35My Pilates teacher got ordained over the internet.
12:38The Church of the Divine something or other.
12:41I'm not sure.
12:42Anyway, it's all legal, and well, just one more day before I make an honest man out of
12:46your daddy.
12:47Oh, you're so sweet.
12:55Thank you so much for your good wishes.
12:58Oh, no, Edie, wait.
13:00No, it's just that, you know, I was married to Carl, and I used to try to surprise him,
13:05and he would always, always, always say, no, Susan, don't surprise me.
13:11I don't like it.
13:14Whatever.
13:14I'm doing it, so keep your trap shut.
13:17And if you'll excuse me, I've got to go and buy a wedding dress.
13:21Oh, by the way, I'll be wearing white, so that'll be a surprise for everybody.
13:31I don't know why I have to get dragged into this.
13:33What happened with my kids has nothing to do with Brie's situation with Andrew said.
13:39Well, it's my understanding that real harm could have come to your children as a direct
13:43result of your friend's behavior.
13:45I'm sorry, Mr. Bromanis, but I'm not going to testify.
13:47It just doesn't feel right to me.
13:49Well, this isn't the first time someone's felt the way you do.
13:53So, this isn't the first time I've had to say that if you refuse to give a deposition
13:58of your own accord, I'll compel you to give one.
14:03But I'm sure I won't have to.
14:15You're saying Brie did this?
14:17Well, under the influence.
14:21I understand your reluctance to turn on a friend, but this isn't about you.
14:25It's about Andrew.
14:28Don't you think he's suffered enough?
14:29How much are you going to give him?
14:39I figured we could start with $40.
14:41$1,000?
14:42He's a bouncer in a strip club.
14:45Offer him $8.
14:46He's not going to sell his baby for $8,000.
14:48Are we talking about the same idiot?
14:50I think for $8,000 you throw in a kidney.
14:52I'm not going to blow this by bargain hunting.
14:54That's your problem, Carlos.
14:56Remember when you bought your car, you paid sticker.
14:57Nobody pays sticker.
14:58Okay, and what's the sticker price on a child, huh?
15:00Tell me that.
15:01I'm thinking $12.
15:06Frank, you have to sign the paper.
15:08I made a deal with these people.
15:09A deal?
15:10This isn't a used car we're talking about.
15:12It's our baby.
15:13Before you screw this up, just remember that I can go to the cops
15:16and tell them about the pot farm you have going on in our basement.
15:21It's just a couple plants.
15:22You know, I don't do it for profit.
15:25It's a hobby, mostly.
15:27Oh, come on, Frank.
15:28You know you would be a lousy father.
15:29It's my kid, and I have a right to mess her up if I want.
15:33And if you go near the police, I'll tell them how you've been stealing all those tips from Sheila.
15:37Okay, we're done.
15:40Gabby, Gabby, now just hold on.
15:42Now, maybe there's a way that we can work this out together.
15:46There's nothing to work out.
15:47If Frank is not on board with this, it's over.
15:49Wait, uh, it doesn't matter what he wants.
15:53Why not?
15:55Because it's not your baby.
15:59That's a lie.
16:00What if I take a paternity test?
16:01Will that shut you up?
16:03Wait, if it's not Frank, then whose is it?
16:06I'm not sure.
16:07All I know is I got pregnant right after I worked at the Calgary Rodeo,
16:11and I was very popular there.
16:14So what are you saying?
16:15You screwed a bunch of cowboys?
16:18You have your hobbies, and I have mine.
16:25You think this is funny?
16:27Oh, don't you get it?
16:30We just got our baby back.
16:42Well, you take care now.
16:45Hey, I got your message that you wanted to see me before the meeting started.
16:56Yeah, I did.
16:58There's someone I'd like to introduce you to.
17:01Bree, this is Donna.
17:04Donna, this is Bree.
17:06What's up?
17:07Hi.
17:07Donna is going to be your new sponsor.
17:09I, um, I don't want a new sponsor.
17:13I'm, I'm very comfortable working with you.
17:18This was always just a temporary arrangement,
17:21and given what happened the other night,
17:23I think it's best if we just end this now.
17:25Peter, all we did was kiss.
17:31We'd be kidding ourselves if we didn't think that
17:34whatever's between us isn't going to affect our recovery.
17:38It's not a good time for change in my life, Peter.
17:41Terrible things are happening.
17:42I'm headed to court.
17:44I need your support now more than ever.
17:46We'll have support, Bree.
17:48It just won't be mine.
17:50But, Peter...
17:53Oh, Bree could never have done that.
17:57I'm just telling you what the lawyer said.
17:59So you think Bree punched Andrew in the face?
18:01Because I don't.
18:02I don't either.
18:04But on the other hand,
18:06she spanked my kids,
18:07she lied about her drinking,
18:08and I once saw her bitch slap her mother-in-law.
18:11So I'm torn.
18:13Well, I'm siding with Bree.
18:15How can you be so sure?
18:18We have Andrew saying that it's systematic physical abuse.
18:22And then we have Bree saying
18:23it's Andrew wanting to be emancipated
18:25so he can get it as a trust fund,
18:27so he can buy a car.
18:28How are we supposed to know the real truth?
18:30Because I remember being 17,
18:32and I would have done a hell of a lot more
18:34than punch myself in the eye to get a car.
18:42Carl!
18:44Carl, stop, stop!
18:47It's an emergency.
18:48Just calm down.
18:48What's going on?
18:49Edie is going to marry you tomorrow.
18:51What?
18:52She's planned this whole secret wedding.
18:54It's a surprise.
18:56God, I hate you.
18:56He hates surprises.
18:58I know.
18:58I told her that.
18:59I said he always, always hates surprises.
19:02All right, don't get yourself all worked up here.
19:04Put our heads together and we'll be off to something.
19:08So the thing you've got to know about me
19:10is my style is proactive.
19:11I don't hold your hand if you go on a bender.
19:14I believe in behavior modification.
19:16Oh, some muffins?
19:18That's okay.
19:19I'm not big on snacks.
19:21You should also know I'm not a lesbian.
19:26Oh.
19:27Well, good for you.
19:29Well, see, if I was,
19:31the program wouldn't let me be your sponsor.
19:33Not great for your recovery
19:34if we get tangled up in a little something.
19:36Um, so, um, whatever vibe you might be getting,
19:40that's all on you.
19:43Um, Donna.
19:47I really appreciate everything
19:49that you've been doing for me,
19:50but I think I was really making some progress
19:53with Peter as my sponsor.
19:55And I was thinking...
19:56All right, stop.
19:56Right there.
19:58You're fixating on Peter.
19:59Well, I just really feel like
20:00I'm jeopardizing my recovery by switching.
20:02You're making excuses.
20:04See, I have a 99% success rate as a sponsor
20:08because I have 0% tolerance
20:10for people who lie to themselves.
20:12Now, come on.
20:14Come on?
20:15Where are we going?
20:16Hiking.
20:17There's nothing like it to take your mind off booze.
20:20I got it.
20:23I'll just be the woman.
20:24I'll say I want a big wedding, you know,
20:26the church, the big ballroom,
20:28smooshing cake in her face.
20:29It'll take months to plan.
20:30That's great.
20:31Of course, I'll have to tell her
20:32you're the one who ruined the surprise.
20:34You're going to make me take the hit?
20:36Yeah.
20:39Hey, guys.
20:40What you doing out here?
20:41Uh, just talking.
20:44Oh, well, come on in.
20:45I've got something to show you.
20:46Oh, no, that's okay.
20:47Come on.
20:48You'll love this.
20:50Wait until I leave to tell her
20:56because she's going to kill me.
21:02Well, I should go.
21:05I'm not going to scream or cry
21:07or pound your faces in with a mallet,
21:10which Lord knows is my right.
21:12But what I will say is that you two
21:13are the most reprehensible excuses
21:16for human beings that I have ever met.
21:18Do you have anything to add?
21:27Right.
21:28What the hell?
21:29Oh!
21:32Oh!
21:33Yes!
21:34Oh!
21:34Oh!
21:34Oh!
21:34Oh!
21:35Oh!
21:36Oh!
21:36Oh!
21:37Oh!
21:37Oh!
21:38Oh!
21:38Oh!
21:39Oh!
21:40Oh!
21:41Oh!
21:41Oh!
21:42Oh!
21:42Oh!
21:43Oh!
21:43Oh!
21:44Oh!
21:44Oh!
21:45Oh!
21:46Oh!
21:47Oh!
21:48Oh!
21:55Hey, Mrs. Scavo.
21:56What's up?
21:57It's a sweet ride.
21:58Yeah?
21:59You think so?
22:00Why don't you come over here for a second?
22:03I'd like to pick your brain.
22:08You're the demographic that my client is interested in,
22:10so you'd actually be doing me a favor
22:11if you drove it around for a couple hours
22:13and told me what you thought.
22:16Do you mind?
22:17Are you kidding me?
22:19Ha!
22:20I can't believe you are old enough to drive.
22:22I still remember when you were ten years old.
22:24I paid you a dollar to rake our leaves.
22:26Ha!
22:27Yeah.
22:28Yeah.
22:29You were pretty cheap.
22:30Ha!
22:32Is this set up for MP3?
22:34Uh, all the bells and whistles.
22:36But, listen, I really wanted to tell you how sorry I am.
22:40Hm?
22:41Your lawyer came to see me.
22:46I'm going to be deposed.
22:49It's going to be hard for me.
22:52Yeah.
22:53Yeah.
22:54I know.
22:55You just have to remember, she's a different person
22:59when she drinks.
23:01She must be.
23:02It's hard for me to imagine the brie I know
23:05capable of hurting you.
23:07Yeah.
23:08Do you have the keys?
23:11Oh.
23:12Sure.
23:13Anyway, I just...
23:15I feel so guilty that this all went on in your house.
23:18Right under our nose.
23:20So, if there is anything I can do to help you...
23:23Well, can you get a discount on these?
23:28Um...
23:30Actually, yeah.
23:31One of the perks.
23:33Even so, it's a little out of the price range
23:35of a high school student.
23:36Well, if you tell my lawyer the truth,
23:38I don't think money's going to be a problem.
23:47Hi.
23:48What's going on?
23:53Edie wants to discuss our little deception.
23:56Exactly how ugly is this going to get?
23:59How long does it take to shut a door?
24:03I can forgive your trickery.
24:06I can forgive the humiliation.
24:09But what I can't forgive is the complete and utter lack of faith in me.
24:13I mean, having Susan get married for insurance was my idea.
24:16Okay, so if I'd known that everything had gotten all screwed up,
24:19of course I would have agreed.
24:21Look, Edie, in retrospect, yes, we didn't think.
24:25We didn't handle this the way mature adults should have.
24:29He's right.
24:30We behave like children.
24:32Naughty, stupid children.
24:34Well, that makes me feel better.
24:37You could admit that.
24:39Because when naughty children misbehave,
24:42they know that they're going to get punished, don't they?
24:48Punished?
24:50Hmm.
24:51At this point, I'd like to point out that it was Carl who proposed.
24:55Carl, you are going to throw me an elaborate wedding.
25:00Yes, of course.
25:02Anything, baby.
25:05How elaborate?
25:07Well, figure out exactly what it is that you could afford,
25:10and triple it.
25:13As for you...
25:15Okay, now remember, I'm broke.
25:17I'm well aware of your church male status.
25:20I don't intend to lift a finger during the planning and execution of this crushingly expensive wedding.
25:29No, no, of course not.
25:31And anything I can do to help.
25:33You know, I could help with the engagement party.
25:35How's that?
25:37Well, I wasn't planning on inviting you.
25:40But...
25:42I will need a bartender.
25:44Oh, oh.
25:45And, um...
25:47Make sure you come in through the back door.
25:58You're just in time.
26:00Mrs. Scavo has been sworn in, so we're all ready to start.
26:03Okay.
26:04Bye.
26:05All right.
26:06We are now on the record.
26:08Okay.
26:09Isn't it true that while your children were in Bree's care, that she passed out drunk and allowed them to wander off to a downtown business district?
26:25My kids don't wander.
26:27They scurry like rats.
26:28Excuse me?
26:29Do you know a rat can fit through a hole the size of a quarter?
26:31Anyway, my children have that trick down, too.
26:33Mrs. Scavo, are you saying that you don't hold Mrs. Vandekamp responsible for endangering your children?
26:38No.
26:39I don't hold her responsible.
26:40Brie Vandekamp and I have known each other a long time.
26:45I trust her completely.
26:46She's a wonderful friend and a fantastic mother.
26:48She puts the rest of us to shame.
26:49She's lying.
26:50Are you gonna let her get away with this crap?
26:51Please.
26:52Do you consider Mrs. Vandekamp to have a drinking problem?
26:54No.
26:55Then why did you line empty wine bottles up on her front stoop?
26:58I was helping Brie with the recycling.
27:00Do I need to remind you of the potential consequences?
27:03She's lying.
27:04She and I have known each other a long time.
27:05I trust her completely.
27:06She's a wonderful friend and a fantastic mother.
27:08She puts the rest of us to shame.
27:09She's lying.
27:10Are you gonna let her get away with this crap?
27:11Please.
27:12Do you consider Mrs. Vandekamp to have a drinking problem?
27:15No.
27:16Then why did you line empty wine bottles up on her front stoop?
27:18I was helping Brie with the recycling.
27:20Do I remind you of the potential consequences of perjury?
27:23No.
27:24You don't.
27:25In fact, I hate liars.
27:46Hello?
27:47Peter.
27:48Hi.
27:49It's Brie.
27:50Hey, Brie.
27:51You know, if you feel like you're gonna need a drink, you should call Donna.
27:55No.
27:56No.
27:57I don't feel like I'm gonna drink.
27:58And if I did, I certainly would call Donna.
28:00She and I are just really clicking.
28:02Oh.
28:03That's good.
28:04So why are you calling?
28:06I know it's really late notice, but a friend of mine got engaged and she's throwing a party
28:10and I thought maybe you'd like to come.
28:12Brie.
28:13Well, you're not my sponsor anymore, so I assume this is allowable.
28:14I mean, it's just a casual get-together.
28:15And they're having sushi.
28:16You do like sushi, don't you?
28:17Brie.
28:18Brie.
28:19Okay, Peter.
28:20I just really need us to be friends.
28:28When I'm with you, I'm not myself, which is a good thing.
28:35I can relax when I'm with you in a way that I can't when I'm with other people.
28:41With them, I have to pretend that I have it all together, but you know that I don't,
28:48so it's just so much easier.
28:50Come on.
28:51It's just a dumb old party.
28:54Brie.
28:55Do not call me again.
29:06Oh, I'm so glad you made it.
29:08I appreciate the invitation, Edie.
29:10Although, frankly, I'm a little surprised to get it, considering how people in this neighborhood
29:13feel about me.
29:14Oh.
29:15You know me.
29:16I like to be inclusive.
29:17Ooh.
29:18It's heavy.
29:21Ah, ah, ah.
29:22This is flat.
29:23I think I'd like, um, a rusty nail.
29:27A what now?
29:28It's a cocktail.
29:29Well, I'm not really sure what's in it, but it sounds obscure and complicated.
29:34So, jump, jump.
29:35I'll be right there.
29:37Hey, hey.
29:38Hey, put that down.
29:39We gotta go.
29:40Our birth mother just went into labor.
29:41What?
29:42That's fantastic.
29:43Yeah, can you believe it?
29:44We're gonna be parents.
29:45I'll go get the car.
29:46Come on.
29:47We're supposed to have four weeks.
29:49She promised me the baby wasn't due for four more weeks.
29:52We don't have anything.
29:53We don't have diapers and we don't have the stuffed babies drink.
29:56Formula.
29:57Exactly.
29:58We're not ready.
29:59You know, this is a total inconvenience.
30:02Welcome to parenthood.
30:03Come on.
30:04This is your father's bartender bible.
30:07See if you can find the recipe for a rusty nail.
30:10Um, mom?
30:11Where'd you find that?
30:12It was stuck in here between a pink squirrel and a pisco sour.
30:25Oh.
30:26Well, why is your father keeping this?
30:30Why do you think?
30:40Hey Susie.
30:41Carl, this marriage.
30:43Our marriage.
30:44This fake marriage.
30:45That's what it is, right?
30:46Fake.
30:47What are you talking about?
30:48What's this?
30:51Nothing.
30:52Yeah.
30:55Okay then.
30:56Repeat after me.
30:58Our marriage is fake and I'm going to marry the woman I really love, Edie Britt.
31:03If that's what you want me to say.
31:05No, no, no, no, no, no.
31:06It's not about what I want you to say.
31:08You have to want to say that you want to marry Edie.
31:13Don't worry about this Susie.
31:15Why are you hanging on to that?
31:17I need to look at it from time to time.
31:19Why?
31:20Consider it my punishment for screwing up the best thing that ever happened to me.
31:33Oh.
31:34Oh, no, no, no.
31:35This is not happening.
31:36Oh, Carl.
31:37Are you crazy?
31:38Just tell me what to do, Susie.
31:39You want me to marry Edie?
31:40I will.
31:41You want me to call off the wedding?
31:42I'll do it.
31:43I'll do whatever you want.
31:44I'm putty.
31:45Carl?
31:46What are you doing?
31:47Just putting away some coats.
31:48Oh.
31:49Well, it's time to open my presents.
31:51Let's go.
31:53Oh, hello.
31:54What?
31:55What?
31:56What are you doing?
31:57Just putting away some coats.
32:00Oh.
32:01Well, it's time to open my presents.
32:03Let's go.
32:13Oh.
32:14Oh, hello.
32:22Hi.
32:22Hi.
32:23I need some advice from a professional.
32:26I'd like to get stinking drunk.
32:27Do you have anything that can accomplish that in a hurry?
32:35I forgot the Lamaze book in my purse.
32:37Come on, let's go.
32:38We'll wing it.
32:42Oh, we've missed it.
32:44That kid just slipped right out.
32:47Are you family?
32:52They're the parents.
33:01Would you like to help?
33:04No, thanks.
33:05You guys look like you got it covered.
33:08Oh, are you sure, honey?
33:10Come on, Gabby.
33:12I just, um, I don't want to do anything to screw it up.
33:16She won't break.
33:18Here.
33:20Okay.
33:25Hi.
33:26Hi.
33:27Oh, honey, you were right.
33:36About what?
33:41It was all worth it.
33:42Serving bowls.
33:53Just what I needed, Lynette.
33:56There's a gift receipt taped to the bottom of the box.
33:58Oh, thank God.
33:59Okay, the next one is from Felicia.
34:04I do hope you like it.
34:06Oh, you know what they say.
34:08Good things come in small packages.
34:11What is it?
34:21Teeth?
34:22Dentures.
34:24They were my dear sister Martha's.
34:27I'm sure none of you knew, but she had orthodontic issues from the time she was a child.
34:33Oh.
34:37I know it's an unconventional gift for an engagement party, but you and Martha were such close friends, Edie.
34:42I wanted you to have something truly personal to remember her by since she left us so abruptly.
34:49You know, when Paul Young strangled her, crushed her windpipe, and buried her alive next to a garbage-strewn hiking trail.
34:57Felicia, I think that enough.
35:01I do apologize if I've offended anyone, but while you all are chit-chatting and eating these gummy hors d'oeuvres,
35:09just remember, you're in the company of a murderer.
35:12There's one, but I look at it.
35:42Brie. Brie. Why didn't you call Donna?
35:56I don't need Donna. I need you.
36:12You know, I don't even like redheads.
36:24Okay, it's my turn.
36:26Shh, in a minute.
36:28Come on, you're hogging her.
36:30Tell me. Just tell me who it is, Libby.
36:34Aren't you drunk?
36:36Who is it, Libby?
36:38I got to know him.
36:40I already told you he's just some rodeo guy.
36:42I don't even remember his name.
36:44Liar!
36:46What are you doing?
36:48I'm gonna light myself on fire.
36:50He's gonna light himself on fire with coffee liqueur?
36:52Would not have been my choice.
36:54Tell me his name or I'm gonna do it!
36:58Frank, don't be an idiot.
37:00It was Dale, okay? It was Dale.
37:04My brother Dale?
37:06He's a kid!
37:08He's 19, Frank.
37:10He knows which end is up.
37:12What is she saying?
37:14There's a father.
37:16Hey, hey!
37:18You don't know!
37:20No.
37:22I'm not giving up the baby.
37:24Get out of here!
37:26No!
37:28What the hell are you doing?
37:30We're taking our baby home.
37:31She's not ours.
37:32The papers aren't valid anymore.
37:34She has a father.
37:35Do you really want to leave this beautiful little girl with that white trash freak show?
37:39Huh?
37:40Well, come on then.
37:42Come on then.
37:43Where?
37:44Maternity.
37:45Maternity.
37:46All right.
37:47Hurry up!
37:48Come on.
37:49Man!
37:50There's a lot of straps on this thing.
37:51How does this thing go in?
37:52Read the instructions.
37:53Pass strap A through strap B, making sure that the harness clip is at chest level.
37:58Which same one is the harness clip?
37:59That is after the baby is in.
38:00You have to connect it to the car first.
38:01They told you we should have got an SUV.
38:02Okay, stop yelling.
38:03This is very complicated.
38:04Oh, for God's sakes.
38:05Just take the baby in.
38:06Oh!
38:07Oh!
38:08Oh!
38:09Oh!
38:10Oh!
38:11Oh!
38:12Oh!
38:13Oh!
38:14Oh!
38:15Oh!
38:16Oh!
38:17Oh!
38:18Oh!
38:19Oh!
38:20Oh!
38:21Just take the baby!
38:22Oh!
38:23Oh!
38:24Oh!
38:25Oh!
38:26Whoa.
38:27Well good to go.
38:30Give me the baby.
38:31Oh!
38:32Jesus, my God.
38:33I can't touch me.
38:34I can't touch me.
38:35You know this isn't gonna end well.
38:36You know?
38:37They're just gonna try and take her back.
38:39No.
38:40Baby.
38:41But we don't have to make it easy for them!
38:43Gabby, I...
38:44Just buckle up!
38:45Temptation comes to all of us.
38:59Whether or not we succumb depends on our ability to recognize its disguise.
39:05Sometimes it arrives in the form of an old flame flickering back to life.
39:11Or a new friend who could end up being so much more.
39:22Or a young child who awakens feelings we didn't know we had.
39:30And so we give in to temptation all the while knowing come morning we'll have to suffer the consequences.
39:41What is this?
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