- 1 day ago
First broadcast 8th April 1996.
The villagers decide to give up something they love for Lent.
Geraldine Granger Dawn French
David Horton Gary Waldhorn
Hugo Horton James Fleet
Alice Tinker Emma Chambers
Letitia Cropley Liz Smith
Frank Pickle John Bluthal
Jim Trott Trevor Peacock
Owen Newitt Roger Lloyd Pack
The villagers decide to give up something they love for Lent.
Geraldine Granger Dawn French
David Horton Gary Waldhorn
Hugo Horton James Fleet
Alice Tinker Emma Chambers
Letitia Cropley Liz Smith
Frank Pickle John Bluthal
Jim Trott Trevor Peacock
Owen Newitt Roger Lloyd Pack
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
00:06He make it easy to lie down in green waters.
00:12He leadeth me beside the still water.
00:22The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
00:37These flowers are completely out of water.
00:40They're silk, Alice.
00:42The alibi's lovely.
00:47Vicka, do you believe in magic?
00:51Hmm, interesting question.
00:54If on the one hand you're asking me,
00:56do I believe in magic as entertainment,
00:59then my answer would be yes.
01:01Paul Daniels is the living and rapidly balding proof of that.
01:05If on the other hand you're asking me,
01:07do I believe that these magicians possess actual magic powers,
01:10then my answer would be no.
01:12Although there is something pretty damn spooky
01:14about Paul Daniels' ability to make himself sexually attractive
01:17to the lovely and fragrant Debbie McGill.
01:21If on the third hand you're inquiring into the possibility
01:24of the magical manipulation of natural things by the Lord God,
01:28then my answer would be a resounding yes.
01:30Does that answer the question?
01:31I've got absolutely no idea.
01:34I was really only paving the way for asking if you believe in the Easter Bunny.
01:45Again, interesting question.
01:47Answer.
01:48Of course not, you dozy donkey.
01:51Oh, why not?
01:53All right, Alice.
01:55Brace yourself.
01:56This is going to be hard.
01:57But as the BBC said to Esther Ransom when they axed her show,
02:01that's life.
02:03Now, at ten your mother sat you down
02:06and she told you that Kermit was really just an old green sock.
02:09At 20 she told you about Santa Claus.
02:12What about him?
02:13Moving on
02:16This is the awful moment when I tell you that the Easter Bunny absolutely and totally does not exist at all
02:25Well, maybe not where you come from
02:28But here, we've got our very own proper Easter Bunny
02:32I've seen it
02:34No, you have not seen it
02:36Yes, I have, everyone in the village has
02:38Alice, you're lying, and if you don't apologise, I'm going to have to punish you
02:42And this hairbrush features quite prominently in the punishment
02:46And your pants don't
02:49No, no, no, no, I'm serious
02:52I'm serious, and be careful
02:55Anyone who questions the existence of the rabbit comes under the ancient curse
02:59Ooh, I'm scared
03:00What is the ancient curse?
03:03Whoever shall question the rabbit but once
03:06Their firstborn shall thenceforth be a dunce
03:10Rabbit
03:11And has anyone questioned it recently?
03:17Actually, my mum did
03:18I'm not asking for the moon
03:24I think it's a brilliant plan
03:26And if the Council would only just back us to get it started
03:30I'm sure they wouldn't regret it
03:32Bravo, excellent idea
03:34And what exactly is the size of the grant you need?
03:37£7 million.
03:40And what if Dibley is not successful in its bid for the 2004 Olympics?
03:46Ah, well, with a ski slope, we can always host the Winter Olympics instead.
03:51Yes, well...
03:53Thank you, Letitia and supporters.
03:56We will, of course, give your proposal due consideration.
04:00It's excrement.
04:01Ah, how disappoint.
04:04Bloody Olympics.
04:07You're a tit short of an udder, you are.
04:11No, no, no.
04:12No, no, no.
04:14No, yes, he's right.
04:16We should go for the Commonwealth Games first.
04:19Build up to the Olympics.
04:22It's a mad old world, isn't it?
04:23I was talking to Alice the other day.
04:24This is hilarious.
04:26She said you've got a bona fide Easter bunny in Dibley.
04:29Yes, that's right.
04:31Yes, that's right.
04:31Finally, item six.
04:35Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
04:37Well, I just stumbled into the X-Files.
04:40I mean, you're not telling me you all believe in the Easter bunny, are you?
04:42That's right, the Dibley bunny.
04:44Oh, well, they've obviously started to put LSD in crunchy bars, I didn't realize.
04:47Oh, heaven's sake.
04:50We all know it's one of us.
04:51It's just a rather sweet tradition that's been handed down over the years, but no one knows
04:55who it is who actually dresses up in the costume.
04:58What?
04:59Oh, no.
04:59Moving on.
05:02Any other requests for funding?
05:04Yes, I think we should put in a bid for the Olympics.
05:10We've just done that, Mrs Cropley.
05:13Oh, have we?
05:14Sorry.
05:17I've got a memory like an elephant that's lost its memory.
05:21Moving on.
05:25Vicar.
05:26Yes, thank you, David.
05:27Well, as you all know, Lent starts tomorrow.
05:30Oh, that just reminds me.
05:33As it's Shrove Tuesday, I've made you these pancakes from all my leftovers.
05:38Hot stiggity dog, as you see.
05:39Now, these ones are lard and fish paste.
05:44And these are the plain ones.
05:47With just a hint of liver.
05:55Would you like one, Mr Chairman?
05:58I'd sooner eat my own scrotum, thank you.
06:02Item six, Vicar.
06:06Yes, as I was saying, since it's Ash Wednesday tomorrow, I thought perhaps we could all try
06:11to give something up for Lent.
06:13Like bondage, you mean?
06:15Possibly, yes.
06:19And then every time we fail, we have to put a pound in this box.
06:23Like you, for instance, Newark.
06:25You could try to give up swearing, couldn't you?
06:28I don't swear.
06:29No, no, no, no, no, no, yes, you do.
06:31I bloody do not.
06:33What?
06:33I'm in the box.
06:34What?
06:35What?
06:35Bloody's not swearing?
06:37I'm afraid it is.
06:38Bloody, bloody isn't.
06:41Bollocks.
06:42Now, that is swearing.
06:47And arse.
06:49But bloody's just bloody.
06:51It's a useful adjective with biblical overtones.
06:54Well, she can give up cooking garbage then.
07:00I've eaten tastier slurry than this.
07:04And Jim, you could give up dithering, couldn't you?
07:07How's about it, Jim?
07:08No, no, no, no, no, no, yes, no, well, not too sure.
07:13Arse.
07:14Oh, bloody har.
07:17Oh, bugger.
07:18Oh, arse, arse, arse.
07:23Right.
07:27And might I venture that Frank can give up being such a pedantic old fart with the minutes?
07:32Oh, good suggestion.
07:34Should I actually put fart or F asterix asterix T?
07:39Right.
07:40How's that?
07:41What about you, David?
07:42Perhaps we could be a little bit more friendly to everyone.
07:45Yes, Father.
07:46Everyone's fed up to the back teeth with you shouting at them all the time.
07:49That's a great, big, bald, shouty type person.
07:55Except for me, of course.
07:56I think it's true.
07:57You've got to point, sir.
08:00Very well.
08:02Easy peasy.
08:03Although I'd quite like to know where all this money is actually going to.
08:06Well, I thought we could start a neighbourhood video club, you know, on Friday nights in the hall, for people who haven't got a video of their own.
08:13I've got a video.
08:15But it doesn't work.
08:19I plugged it in, switched it on and nothing.
08:21I didn't know you even had a TV.
08:24No, I haven't.
08:27I plugged the video into the radio instead.
08:33Right.
08:34Fair enough.
08:35It's not a bad idea.
08:37And pray, what is St Geraldine giving up?
08:40Well, I thought I might give up bubble bath because I absolutely love the stuff.
08:46You know, all that lovely bubbly, bubbly, bubbly, bubbly, you know, at your nosies and your toesies.
08:52Or, you could give up chocolate.
08:55No, I don't think so.
08:57Because, you see, I don't eat enough chocolate for that to really hurt me.
09:05Chocolate?
09:05Oh, come on.
09:07You don't think I'm going to eat all this on my own, do you?
09:10This?
09:11This is for all the tiny little orphan children.
09:16Of the parish.
09:17All little mites.
09:18They're starved of love and tenderness.
09:21Oh!
09:21Oh, thanks.
09:24Chocolate.
09:26Okay, chocolate, yeah.
09:27Okay, no problem.
09:28Now we'll see who has self-control.
09:32Meeting's closed.
09:33Let's go, Hugo.
09:34Oh, no.
09:46I love you.
09:50You know that, don't you?
09:52You're lovely, my little friend.
10:03No.
10:04No.
10:04No.
10:05Distraction.
10:06Right.
10:07Right.
10:07You bitch.
10:20Lord, give me a break.
10:23In fact, give me a Kit Kat.
10:26Hugo, lovely to see you.
10:28Come on in.
10:29Morning, Vicar.
10:29Hello, Alice.
10:32Hello, Hugh.
10:35You all right?
10:37Yes, thanks.
10:41Hello.
10:42Oh, yeah.
10:45It's gripping stuff, isn't it?
10:46I often wonder what it would be like if you got Oscar Wilde and Dorothy Parker together
10:52in the same room.
10:53I think I'm getting a little flavour of it here.
10:56Yeah.
10:58Why don't you just stop yakking on, Miss Tinker, and go out and make the tea?
11:03Right, yeah.
11:04Now, Alice.
11:06So, Hugo, what did you want to talk to me about?
11:08It's this Lent thingy.
11:10At the meeting, you all had to give something up, and the thing is, nobody asked me.
11:14And I think perhaps it's because everyone thinks I'm such a bore that I couldn't possibly
11:18have anything interesting to give up, as if I didn't have a personality at all.
11:22Oh, you're not a bore at all, Hugo.
11:25You're a riveting human being.
11:28I'm sure you've got lots of vices you could give up, like, well, like gambling, for instance.
11:34Bet you like a little flutter every now and again.
11:37No.
11:38Um, smoking?
11:40No.
11:41Um, I know.
11:42Wearing a shirt without a tie.
11:46Does, uh, does drinking coffee count as advice?
11:49It does indeed.
11:51Coffee, the broth of Satan.
11:53It's a drug you go.
11:54Give it up now.
11:55No, no, no.
11:56I don't drink it, but I thought I could start, and then I'd have something to give up next.
12:00Right, brilliant.
12:01The, uh, the only other thing is I do think about it quite a bit.
12:07You know, it.
12:08No, not with you.
12:11You know, it.
12:13With, uh, people like Mariella Fostrup and Sharon Stone and Norma Major naked.
12:19Ah, it.
12:23Well, there you go, then.
12:25Not that it's exactly an arrestable offence, although the Norma Major thing could land you
12:29in some kind of an institution.
12:31No.
12:32Good.
12:32Right.
12:32Well, you stop thinking about it, and every time you do, pound in that bolt.
12:37Great.
12:38Old sinner me.
12:39Yeah.
12:40Oh, good.
12:40Tea.
12:41Very good timing.
12:42Hugo and I were just finished.
12:43Won't be Hugo.
12:44I know how you like it, Hugo.
12:52Hot and strong.
12:59Nice and wet.
13:02On the other hand, I think it's best if Hugo goes now before he drifts into insolvency.
13:09I've got a lovely donut for you, Hugo.
13:12No, thanks.
13:13Some chocolate fingers.
13:16Oh, well, perhaps.
13:20They're such fun, aren't they?
13:22I love just sticking them in my mouth and sucking and sucking till all the chocolate comes right.
13:35I'm a bit stuck for cash.
13:37I'll pay later.
13:38Yes, I'll pay later.
13:40Right.
13:41Well, I'll give them another minute or two.
13:43Sorry I'm late, mes enfants.
13:45Oh.
13:48Anne Robinson was on telly.
13:50Anne Robinson.
13:51Oh, yes.
13:53How's your little collection going, Vicar?
13:55I had to put in many pounds yourself.
13:58None at all, David.
13:59Thank you very much for asking.
14:00Hoping to collect a few tonight there.
14:03Jim, I expect you'll be contributing a few quid, won't you?
14:06Nope.
14:07Nope.
14:07Nope.
14:08Nope.
14:08Nope?
14:10Nope as in nope, nope, nope, nope, yes.
14:12On the contrary, nope as in nope.
14:16Right.
14:17Funky.
14:19Sorry I'm late.
14:20All my cows escaped.
14:22Bloody cows.
14:26They're a bloody, bloody nuisance, aren't they?
14:29They can be a bit of a bore, yes.
14:33Right.
14:34We'll start.
14:35I declare open this meeting of the parish council, 3rd of March, 1996.
14:41Frank, you getting this done?
14:43Don't worry.
14:43I'll just knock off something at the end.
14:45No one reads the minutes anyway.
14:46Item one.
14:50Oh, er, Mr. Chairman, if I could just butt in here.
14:54Of course, Letitia.
14:56You butt into your heart's content, my little beauty.
14:59Oh, thank you.
15:02So, then, I just wondered if anyone would like to try my homemade orange juice.
15:11What's in it, Mrs. C?
15:13Orange juice.
15:14Yes, but anything else?
15:17No yeast, no balsamic vinegar, no urine.
15:21No.
15:23Right.
15:24Let's begin.
15:25Item one, the new video club.
15:27How's it coming on, Dicca?
15:28Yes, well, I've had some thoughts about the kind of film.
15:31Oh, now, don't mind me.
15:32Didn't have any supper.
15:35Mmm.
15:39Er, yes, er, as I was saying.
15:43Oh, sorry for getting my manners.
15:45Anybody else like a bar?
15:46Oh, I...
15:47Thank you very much.
15:55Right, yeah.
15:57Um, er, as I was saying.
16:00Um, sorry, I'm feeling a bit faint, actually.
16:02Owen, I think you had something to say, didn't you?
16:06Mm, yes.
16:07Well, now, a few of us have been thinking about how we might kick off the video club.
16:11That's it, that's it.
16:13Since we're a country parish, I thought we might start with an animal film, maybe Black Beauty.
16:17We chose an animal film, too.
16:19Yeah.
16:20The Silence of the Lambs.
16:25In a double bill with reservoir dogs.
16:29Right, and maybe we could follow that with a romance.
16:33Our thinking again.
16:34Yeah.
16:35Good.
16:35Sleepless in Seattle.
16:37Last Tango in Paris.
16:39Right, and I thought we could have something with a religious bent.
16:43You know, a song of Bernadette, a Godspell.
16:45The Exorcist.
16:47David, I'm afraid I'm going to have to have that mask.
16:49Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
16:50Three long weeks to go, Vicar.
16:53Oh, and I've got a nice box of chocolates here to share around to celebrate my half-birthday.
16:59All right.
16:59Hey, yeah, thank you.
17:00Come on.
17:02There we are.
17:03Come on, Mr Horton.
17:04Thank you very much.
17:04There we are.
17:05Oh, hmm.
17:11Hello, Vicar.
17:12Hello, Alice.
17:14Can I just share a private thought with you?
17:16Oh, certainly, Vicar.
17:18As long as it isn't about tampons, because I don't understand them at all.
17:22No, no, it isn't.
17:25I'd just like to share with you the fact that, well, I hate the people of this village.
17:30Oh, dear.
17:30Yeah, every single one of them.
17:33Self-righteous, small-minded, senile, chocolate-scoffing kids, and that's true.
17:39PHONE RINGS
17:40Hello?
17:41Geraldine's phone.
17:43Well, not actually her phone, because the phone can't speak, but Geraldine's phone meaning
17:47Geraldine's usually the person on the phone, even though actually this time it's Alice,
17:50so I might have said Alice's phone, but I didn't, because it's not mine.
17:54Who is it?
17:56I don't know.
17:57They just hung up.
17:59People are weird, aren't they?
18:01I'll get it.
18:01I'll get it.
18:02No, Siddly Vicarage.
18:04Well, not actually the Vicarage itself, because it can't speak.
18:06It's just a building, but...
18:08Oh, hello.
18:08Oh, right, right, I'll tell her.
18:12It's Frank.
18:13He's at Mrs Cropley.
18:14She's been taken ill.
18:15She's asking for you.
18:16What should I tell him?
18:17Tell him I'm coming, you silly girl.
18:20She's coming, you silly girl.
18:24Oh, dear.
18:26Oh, dear, I hope she's all right.
18:29I love Mrs Cropley.
18:31She's been just like a mother to me, always wiping things off my face and telling me I look
18:35dafted, no, listen, she'll be fine.
18:39This is Happy Valley.
18:40People don't get sick here.
18:43Oh, and by the way, I think that facial cleanliness is overrated.
18:47Spinach can be an attractive accessory.
18:49Not a lot of people get away with great lumps of it between the teeth, but you do.
18:57No, is she, Jim?
18:59No, no, no, no.
19:02Not good.
19:03Oh, what happened?
19:04Well, it was a lovely morning, so I dropped round to see her.
19:11I'd chosen a sort of bright tie because I...
19:14I'm afraid I'm going to have to press you for the shorter version, Frank.
19:17Right.
19:17Right.
19:18I dropped around in this tie.
19:21Yes.
19:22A knock on the door.
19:23Not a loud knock.
19:25Just a gentle tap, tap, tap.
19:27Even shorter than that, Frank, I'm afraid.
19:29Right.
19:30I came around.
19:32Yep.
19:33And now she's dying.
19:36And she says she wants to see you.
19:39She's dying?
19:41Well, it's not good.
19:43We've all been in and had a word with her, but the doctor says she's very weak.
19:47It's her heart, poor old girl.
19:49Oh, Lord.
19:50Oh, Lord.
19:52Right.
19:53I suppose I'd better, er...
19:55Right.
19:57I've never actually done anything like this before.
20:01Right.
20:02Look, it's not an April Fool's, is it?
20:04And I'm going to go in there and she's going to be sitting up in the bed with a custard pie.
20:07And I'm going to go in there and I'm going to go in there and I'm going to go in there.
20:37And, yes.
20:38Nice thighs.
20:40Is that safe?
20:41Mm.
20:42I haven't led a blameless life, Vicar.
20:45Oh, Letitia.
20:46Mm-hmm.
20:46Who has?
20:48Anthea Turner.
20:50Yes.
20:51Anthea Turner.
20:53And, of course, the lovely Jane Asher.
20:54Mm.
20:55Prince William?
20:57Yeah.
20:58So apart from Prince William, Anthea Turner and Jane Asher, who has led a blameless life, Letitia?
21:04Hugh Grant.
21:05Well, hardly. You think so?
21:08Yes. Fine in my book.
21:11Well, interesting book.
21:13I'm sure that God forgives your sins, Letitia.
21:16I hope so.
21:18Oh, do you want me to get the doctor?
21:21No. Before you go, there are two things.
21:25You will be honest with me, won't you? I know I can trust you.
21:29You can trust me, yes.
21:31My cooking.
21:33Ah.
21:35Was I a great experimenter, a pioneer,
21:39whose rich command of unorthodox mixtures
21:43will be the stuff of legend in the new millennium?
21:47Or was my food just ghastly?
21:51You can tell a dying woman the truth, Vicar.
21:55Very well. You are one of the greats.
21:59Mrs Beaton, Delia Smith, Letitia Cropley, that's the trinity.
22:03I thought so.
22:05Now, finally, let me bequeath to you
22:09my other life's great achievement.
22:13Say you'll do it.
22:15Promise me.
22:17Yes, of course I will. What is it?
22:19It's something I've done for the past 30 years.
22:23And my father did it before me.
22:35You are my chosen one.
22:37Oh, no.
22:39You're a lovely girl, Vicar.
22:43Oh.
22:45Chunky, but lovely.
22:47Oh.
22:49Oh.
22:51Oh.
22:53Oh.
22:55Oh.
22:57Oh.
22:59Oh.
23:01Oh.
23:05CHOIR SINGS
23:35Splendid service, Vicar. Very moving.
23:39Thanks.
23:40I particularly liked your quote from Johnny Morris.
23:43I think you'll find that was Joni Mitchell, Hugo.
23:45That's right.
23:46Donny'd always seem to go,
23:48but she don't know what you've got till it's gone.
23:50Yeah.
23:51She was a wonderful woman.
23:53Ah, you didn't know her if you didn't know her when she was young.
23:57And what was she like, young?
23:59No, no, no, no.
24:01Rampant.
24:03Really?
24:04Oh, yes.
24:06She was a lovely-looking girl.
24:07Red hair right down to her waist,
24:09eyes so brightly sparkled in the dark,
24:13and a French kiss that would suck the tongue out of your mouth
24:16like an industrial vacuum cleaner.
24:19Is that right?
24:20Yes, I heard that, too.
24:25My father used to talk about her.
24:27Luscious, the tisher.
24:29Cropley, the cracker.
24:31Titillating tish.
24:33Always lets you dock your boat in a jetty letty.
24:36No, come on, boys.
24:40Come on, boys.
24:42Show a little respect.
24:45It's been a very sad week.
24:47We won't be able to enjoy Easter with the usual relish.
24:50No, but we must remember the true Easter message.
24:54Jesus gives us hope of eternal life in heaven.
24:58No-one on Earth lives forever.
24:59Except Bruce Forsythe.
25:02No, he just seems to have been alive forever.
25:06He is, in fact, a surprisingly young man.
25:09No, I think the spirit of Letitia will live on in this village,
25:13even though she herself has passed away.
25:15What, do you mean there are some other nymphomaniacs lurking in the hedgerows?
25:18No, no.
25:19I mean, well, we'll see, won't we?
25:23To Letitia.
25:25And all who sailed in her.
25:27Owen!
25:32What are you doing?
25:33I should be writing my Easter sermon,
25:35trying to work out ways to convince people of the miracle of the resurrection.
25:39Instead, I'm counting eggs
25:40and trying to work out how to make a slinky into a bunny's bottom.
25:45Oh, hell's bum!
25:51Coming!
26:01David, lovely to see you.
26:03Just a little bit busy at the moment.
26:04Now, don't worry.
26:05This won't take a moment.
26:08David, David, David,
26:09could you just take your shoes off, please?
26:12Why?
26:13Uh, it's a religious thing.
26:15Well, what about yours?
26:17Um, mine have been blessed already.
26:19Just put them there.
26:21Thanks.
26:27You're still holding off on the chocolate?
26:30Yes, yes.
26:31Haven't touched a morsel.
26:32So, how can I help you then, David?
26:37Well, um...
26:38The thing is...
26:42I'm a little worried about Hugo.
26:46Yes?
26:47Well, yesterday, we were watching this rather good film on the television,
26:50An Officer and a Gentleman.
26:51Oh, lovely Richard Gere.
26:54I'd swap places with that hamster any day.
26:58Which hamster?
26:59No, nothing, nothing.
27:00Forget about the hamster.
27:02Anyway.
27:02Yeah.
27:03Uh, this scene comes on...
27:05Mm.
27:05...where the two of them go off to a motel.
27:09They take their clothes off...
27:11...and they...
27:12Do it.
27:14Well, as you say.
27:15And I'm a little embarrassed in front of Hugo,
27:17so I look around and he has his eyes closed.
27:20Ah.
27:20And I'm worried that Hugo might be...
27:24Well...
27:26You know.
27:27No.
27:28Well, do I have to spell it out?
27:30I don't know what you're talking about, David.
27:31Very well.
27:33J-O-H-N.
27:35John.
27:36You think Hugo might be John?
27:39Let me finish.
27:40Right.
27:41I-N-M-A-N.
27:45Inman.
27:45John Inman.
27:47You're afraid that Hugo might be John Inman.
27:50Oh, I see.
27:51Oh, I see.
27:52You're afraid that Hugo might be homosexual.
27:55What do you think?
27:55Well, what I think is it wouldn't matter a flying font
27:59if Hugo was homosexual.
28:01Some of our finest cabinet ministers are,
28:03as I'm sure you know, David.
28:05But no, the reason for this unusual behaviour
28:07is because Hugo's secret pact for Lent
28:11is to give up lustful thoughts.
28:15Really?
28:16Really.
28:17So poor old Hugo's just trying to save a few quid, bless him.
28:20Thank God for that.
28:23That's wonderful news.
28:26I have nothing against him.
28:27Of course, I'm as big a fan of Michael Barrymore as an ex-man.
28:30Of course you are, David.
28:32Bravo!
28:32Ha, ha, ha.
28:34Oh.
28:36Oh.
28:37Oh, that is the saddest sight I've ever seen.
28:41Oh, my poor broken darlings.
28:45I promise your lives will not have been wasted in vain.
28:49Come Monday, I'll put you all in a lovely big gooey chocolate fondue.
28:53Come on, darling.
28:54Come on, darling.
28:55Hello, there.
28:56Ah!
28:56Ah!
28:56What are you doing with all those chocolates?
29:01Er, what, what?
29:02These chocolates?
29:03These?
29:04Er, just trying to think up a convincing lie.
29:07Come on, hand them over, you little miss naughty.
29:11Alice, Alice.
29:13Give me back those chocolates.
29:14Not till after Easter.
29:17Alice, I need those chocolates.
29:19No, you don't need them, Geraldine.
29:21You want them.
29:22And that's a very different thing.
29:24Unfortunately, Alice, I'm not legally allowed to kill you,
29:28so I'm going to have to tell you something.
29:30Come and sit down now.
29:32Come on.
29:34Now, Alice, can you keep a secret?
29:36Of course I can.
29:37I've known the whole thing about David and his illegitimate daughter for ages
29:40and never said a word.
29:42Well, it's not that.
29:44Oh, thanks for that.
29:46It might be quite useful.
29:47No, this is about the Easter Bunny.
29:49Now, you still believe that the Easter Bunny buys all the eggs for the children
29:53and distributes them, don't you?
29:55That's right.
29:56Well, he doesn't.
29:57I bought these eggs for the children to hide in the gardens on Easter morning.
30:01No.
30:02No, you didn't.
30:04Yes.
30:05Yes.
30:05You see, just before she died, Mrs Cropley, um, Mrs Cropley, got a phone call from the Easter Bunny
30:18who said he was just too busy to buy them this year.
30:22You know, he's filling out all the forms for the Child Support Agency.
30:26But we've been a rabbit and everything.
30:28Precisely.
30:29So he asked her to buy them and on her deathbed she asked me.
30:34She said I have to be sure to get them ready for tonight,
30:36otherwise the old bunnyster would get all het up.
30:39And then I'd be dealing with a very hot cross bunny, wouldn't I?
30:44See?
30:46Oh, fine.
30:49Here, let me help them.
30:53I feel a bit sad about doing this.
30:56I'd just rather take the magic out of it,
31:00preparing the chocolates for the bunny,
31:02but I suppose that's what becoming an adult's all about, eh?
31:08Yeah, that's right.
31:13Well, as the old saying goes,
31:15cometh the hour, cometh the woman in the silly rabbit costume.
31:19Oh, Becca.
31:32If I'd have known becoming a priest would entail dressing up in a rabbit costume,
31:36I'd have had a complete rethink and taken up prostitution.
31:40As, indeed, my headmistress originally suggested.
31:43Mind you, I'd probably have ended up in a rabbit costume then as well.
31:48as far as the dad's all about.
31:49Oh, yeah.
31:49Oh, yeah.
31:50Oh, yeah.
31:51Oh, yeah.
31:51Oh, yeah.
31:54Oh, yeah.
31:54Oh, my God.
32:24Oh, my God.
32:54No.
33:03Ah!
33:06Daisy!
33:07Vicar!
33:08Shh!
33:09What are you doing?
33:11I'm the Easter Bunny.
33:13You can't be.
33:14I'm the Easter Bunny.
33:16I promised Letitia Cropley I'd do it.
33:18Well, so did I.
33:19Mad Bat must have forgotten she'd already asked me.
33:22How demeaning.
33:25After all the time I've spent on these bloody ears.
33:30Well, I say, you look surprisingly cute in that.
33:32Shut up.
33:33How sexy little tail.
33:34Don't bother.
33:35I suggest we keep very quiet about this.
33:40You do one end of the village and I'll do the other.
33:43This will remain our secret.
33:45Fair enough.
33:46Are you sure you don't want to come back to my burrow afterwards for a little bit of funny business?
33:51Quite sure.
33:51Oh, hell.
33:55Any more will be able to stage a production of Bloody Watership Down.
34:01Dear old Mrs. C.
34:06I bet she's up there right now having a good giggle at us.
34:09She better be.
34:10If I find she's down here, I'll kill her.
34:12Hugo, lovely ears.
34:15Thanks.
34:16Didn't know you could see them under this costume.
34:18Your ears aren't much caught, Vicar.
34:19What did you use?
34:21Couple of coat hangers.
34:22Not pipe cleaners?
34:24I found you can't beat chicken wire and papier-mâché.
34:27Quite a treat.
34:28I just took mine off a real rabbit.
34:32Best Easter service ever, Vicar.
34:34Oh, thanks.
34:35Nice hairstyle, too.
34:37Is it a shaggy?
34:38No, it's a couldn't find my hairbrushy.
34:40Brilliant.
34:41Ah, Vicar, what's the final total on the video fund?
34:45Well, we raised the princely sum of £26.
34:48Oh, dear me.
34:49No, let me finish.
34:50That was Thursday.
34:51On Friday, it shot up to £74
34:54because ITV showed the uncut version of Basic Instinct.
34:58Thanks very much, Hugo.
34:58I wonder if I could make a little announcement.
35:03I know we're all missing Letitia terribly,
35:06so I've decided, as a tribute,
35:09to carry on her great work in the culinary field.
35:13Oh, no.
35:14As a start, therefore,
35:16I've made what we always used to call our cake
35:20in her original recipe,
35:23and I'd be thrilled if you'd all like to try a slice.
35:26I won't say no.
35:29No, no, no, no, no.
35:32There we are, everybody.
35:34There.
35:38Huh?
35:40What is that?
35:42It's definitely coconut.
35:45Oh, there's something else in there.
35:48Anchovy.
35:48What do you think of it, Mr. Newart?
35:52Lent's definitely over now, isn't it, Vicka?
35:55It most certainly is.
35:59To be perfectly frank, Frank,
36:02it tastes absolutely...
36:04Nearly enough!
36:07I've got an announcement to make as well, Owen.
36:10Due to the fantastic success of our Lent fundraising,
36:14we can actually open our video club this Friday night.
36:17Oh.
36:18Yeah, and I thought the first night
36:20should be totally in honour of Letitia.
36:22So we're going to show My Fair Lady.
36:24Oh, yeah.
36:25Yeah.
36:26Obviously in a double bill with The Adventures of Emmanuel.
36:29Oh, yeah.
36:30To Letitia.
36:32Letitia.
36:33The finest Easter bunny, Dibley Avenue.
36:37Oh?
36:37Oh, yeah.
36:39No.
36:45We shall follow me,
36:48oh, the date of my life.
36:52When I die, die, die, die, die.
36:55The lounge of the Lord forever.
37:02right this is a goodie knock-knock oh I love things who's there OJ OJ who okay
37:21you can be on the jury
37:24OJ is OJ Simpson no American footballer as in plays American football not footballer who is American so it's not American no he is American yes and he was on trial and they had to find 12 people who'd never heard of him I've never heard of him no so they should come here really don't worry about it no no it's a good joke you just need to explain who he is before you tell it right
37:54that's the problem with telling jokes about famous people are just not famous enough are they next time I should tell a joke about a very very famous person like John Major or someone like that John
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