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00:01So, if a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either slit is observed,
00:05it will not go through both slits. If it's unobserved, it will.
00:08However, if it's observed after it's left the plane but before it hits its target,
00:11it will not have gone through both slits.
00:13Agreed. What's your point?
00:15There's no point. I just think it's a good idea for a t-shirt.
00:23Excuse me.
00:24Hang on.
00:25One across is Aegean. Eight down is Nabokov.
00:32Twenty-six across is MCM.
00:34Fourteen down is... with your finger.
00:37Bilem, which makes fourteen across Port-au-Prince.
00:41See? Papa Doc's capital idea. That's Port-au-Prince.
00:45Haiti.
00:48Can I help you?
00:49Yes.
00:50Um, is this the high IQ sperm bank?
00:56If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here.
01:00I think this is the place.
01:03Fill these out.
01:04Thank you. We'll be right back.
01:05We'll take your time. I'll just finish my crossword puzzle.
01:10Oh, wait.
01:20Leonard, I don't think I can do this.
01:23What, are you kidding? You're a semi-pro.
01:27No. We are committing genetic fraud.
01:29There's no guarantee that our sperm is going to generate high IQ offspring.
01:32Think about that.
01:33I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers.
01:37Sheldon, this was your idea.
01:39A little extra money to get fractional T1 bandwidth in the apartment?
01:42I know. And I do yearn for faster downloads.
01:46If some poor woman is going to pin her hopes on my sperm,
01:49what if she winds up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral
01:52or a differential to solve for the area under a curve?
01:56I'm sure she'll still love him.
01:57I wouldn't.
02:00Well, what do you want to do?
02:02I want to leave.
02:03Okay.
02:05What's the protocol for leaving?
02:06I don't know. I've never reneged on a proffer of sperm before.
02:09Let's try just walking out.
02:12Okay.
02:23Bye.
02:24Bye-bye.
02:25Bye-bye.
02:28Are you still mad about the sperm bank?
02:30No.
02:32You want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
02:35Not reading.
02:36If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters,
02:40most people will trip.
02:41I don't care.
02:44Two millimeters? That doesn't seem right.
02:45No, it's true.
02:46I did a series of experiments when I was 12.
02:48My father broke his clavicle.
02:51Is that why they sent you to boarding school?
02:53No. That was the result of my work with lasers.
03:01New neighbor?
03:02Evidently.
03:03Significant improvement over the old neighbor.
03:07200-pound transvestite with a skin condition?
03:09Yes, she is.
03:12Oh, hi.
03:13Hi.
03:14Hi.
03:15Hi.
03:17Hi?
03:19We don't mean to interrupt.
03:20We live across the hall.
03:21Oh, that's nice.
03:23Oh, no.
03:24We don't live together.
03:25I mean, we live together but in separate heterosexual bedrooms.
03:30Oh, okay.
03:31Well, guess I'm your new neighbor.
03:33Penny.
03:34Oh, Leonard, Sheldon.
03:35Hi.
03:36Hi.
03:37Hi.
03:38Hi.
03:39Hi.
03:40Well, uh...
03:42Oh, welcome to the building.
03:43Oh, thank you.
03:44Maybe we can have coffee sometime.
03:45Oh, great.
03:46Great.
03:47Great.
03:50Well, uh, bye.
03:51Bye.
03:52Bye.
03:53Bye.
03:54Should we have invited her for lunch?
03:57No.
03:58We're gonna start season two of Battlestar Galactica.
04:01We already watched the season two DVDs.
04:03Not with commentary.
04:07I think we should be good neighbors.
04:09Invite her over.
04:10Make her feel welcome.
04:11We never invited Louie slash Louise over.
04:15And that was wrong of us.
04:16We need to widen our circle.
04:18I have a very wide circle.
04:20I have 212 friends on MySpace.
04:24Yes, and you've never met one of them.
04:27That's the beauty of it.
04:31I'm gonna invite her over.
04:33We'll have a nice meal and chat.
04:35Chat?
04:36We don't chat.
04:37At least not offline.
04:40Well, it's not difficult.
04:41You just listen to what she says,
04:43and then you say something appropriate in response.
04:47To what end?
04:50Hi.
04:51Again.
04:52Hi.
04:53Hi.
04:54Hi.
04:55Anyway, um,
04:56we brought home Indian food.
04:59And, um,
05:00I know that moving can be stressful,
05:02and I find that when I'm undergoing stress,
05:04that good food and company can have a comforting effect.
05:08Also, curry's a natural laxative,
05:10and I don't have to tell you that, you know,
05:12a clean colon is just one less thing to worry about.
05:17Leonard, I'm no expert here,
05:18but I believe in the context of a luncheon invitation.
05:20You might want to skip the reference to bowel movements.
05:23Oh, you're inviting me over to eat?
05:25Uh, yes.
05:27Oh, that's so nice. I'd love to.
05:29Great.
05:30So, what do you guys do for fun around here?
05:33Well, today we tried masturbating for money.
05:35Okay, well, make yourself at home.
05:36Okay. Thank you.
05:37You're very well.
05:38Okay, well, make yourself at home.
05:39Okay. Thank you.
05:40You're very welcome.
05:41This looks like some serious stuff.
05:42It's been a hot, dense state
05:43that nearly 14 million years ago
05:44expansion started waiting.
05:45The earth began to cool.
05:46The autotrophs began to drool.
05:48The end with all the pellet blues,
05:49we built a wall.
05:50We built a pyramid,
05:51snaps eyes, history,
05:52unraveling the mystery.
05:54It all started with a big bang.
05:56Hey!
06:01Okay, well, make yourself at home.
06:02Okay. Thank you.
06:04You're very welcome.
06:05This looks like some serious stuff.
06:11Leonard, did you do this?
06:12Actually, that's my work.
06:14Wow.
06:15Yeah, well, it's just some quantum mechanics
06:18with a little string theory
06:19doodling around the edges.
06:20That part there, that's just a joke.
06:22It's a spoof of the Born-Oppenheimer approximation.
06:26You're like one of those
06:27beautiful mind genius guys.
06:30Yeah.
06:32This is really impressive.
06:34I have a board.
06:35If you like boards, this is my board.
06:38Holy smokes.
06:39If by holy smokes,
06:40you mean a derivative restatement
06:41of the kind of stuff you can find scribble
06:43in the wall of any men's room at MIT, sure.
06:46What?
06:47Come on.
06:48Who hasn't seen this differential below here?
06:49I sit broken hearted.
06:51At least I didn't have to invent 26 dimensions
06:53just to make the math come out.
06:55I didn't invent them.
06:56They're there.
06:57In what universe?
06:58In all of them, that is the point.
07:00Do you guys mind if I start?
07:02Um, Penny.
07:04That's where I sit.
07:07Sit next to me.
07:10No, I sit there.
07:13What's the difference?
07:14What's the difference?
07:15Here we go.
07:16In the winter, that seat is close enough to the radiator
07:18to remain warm
07:19and yet not so close as to cause perspiration.
07:21In the summer, it's directly in the path of a cross breeze
07:23created by opening windows there and there.
07:25It faces the television at an angle that is neither direct,
07:28thus discouraging conversation,
07:29nor so far wide as to create a parallax distortion.
07:32I could go on, but...
07:34I think I've made my point.
07:35Do you want me to move?
07:36Well...
07:37Just sit somewhere else.
07:38Fine.
07:39Do you want me to move?
07:40Well...
07:41Just sit somewhere else.
07:44Fine.
07:45Well, this is nice.
07:46We don't have a lot of company over.
07:47That's not true.
07:48Sheldon, sit.
08:05Oh.
08:07Well, this is nice.
08:09We don't have a lot of company over.
08:11That's not true.
08:12Kutrupali and Wolowitz come over all the time.
08:13Yes, I know.
08:14Tuesday night, we play Klingon Boggle until one in the morning.
08:16Yeah, I remember.
08:18I resent you saying we don't have company.
08:19I'm sorry.
08:19That is a negative social implication.
08:21I said I'm sorry.
08:23So, Klingon Boggle?
08:26Yeah, it's like regular Boggle, but in Klingon.
08:32That's probably enough about us.
08:34Tell us about you.
08:36Um, me?
08:37Okay.
08:38I'm a Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
08:41Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion
08:44that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations
08:48at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.
08:53What is a bit in the what?
08:54I think what Sheldon's trying to say is that Sagittarius wouldn't have been our first guest.
08:59Oh, yeah.
09:00A lot of people think I'm a water sign.
09:02Okay, let's see.
09:04What else?
09:04Oh, I'm a vegetarian.
09:05No, except for fish.
09:06And the occasional steak.
09:07I love steak.
09:10Well, that's interesting.
09:12Leonard can't process corn.
09:13Uh, do you have some sort of a job?
09:20Oh, yeah.
09:21I'm a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.
09:22Oh.
09:23I love cheesecake.
09:25You're lactose intolerant.
09:26I don't eat it.
09:26I just think it's a good idea.
09:29Oh, anyways, I'm also writing a screenplay.
09:31It's about this sensitive girl who comes to L.A. from Lincoln, Nebraska to be an actress
09:35and winds up a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory.
09:39So it's based on your life.
09:41No, I'm from Omaha.
09:43Well, if that was a movie, I would go see it.
09:48I know, right?
09:50Okay, let's see.
09:51What else?
09:52Um, I guess that's about it.
09:54That's the story of Penny.
09:57Well, it sounds wonderful.
10:00It was.
10:01Until I fell in love with a jerk.
10:07What is happening?
10:10Oh, my God, you know, four years I lived with him.
10:13Four years?
10:14That's like as long as high school.
10:16It took you four years to get through high school?
10:20I just, I can't believe I trusted him.
10:28Should I say something?
10:29I feel like I should say something.
10:30You?
10:31No, you'll only make it worse.
10:32You want to know the most pathetic part?
10:34Even though I hate his lying, cheating guts, I still love him.
10:40Is that crazy?
10:41Yes.
10:42No, it's not crazy.
10:46It's a, uh, it's a paradox.
10:49A paradox is our part of nature.
10:52Think about light.
10:53Now, if you look at Huygens, light is a wave, as confirmed by the double slit experiments.
10:57But then, along comes Albert Einstein and discovers that light behaves like particles, too.
11:02Well, I didn't make it worse.
11:08Oh, I'm so sorry.
11:09I'm such a mess.
11:10And on top of everything else, I'm all gross from moving.
11:13My stupid shower doesn't even work.
11:14Our shower works.
11:17Really?
11:17But it'd be totally weird if I used it?
11:19Yes.
11:20No.
11:20No?
11:21No.
11:21No.
11:23It's right down the hall.
11:24Okay, thanks.
11:26You guys are really sweet.
11:27Well, this is an interesting development.
11:38How so?
11:39It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment.
11:44That's not true.
11:45Remember at Thanksgiving, my grandmother with Alzheimer's had that episode?
11:50Point taken.
11:51It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off after which we didn't want to rip our eyes out.
11:57The worst part was watching her carve that turkey.
12:01So, what exactly are you trying to accomplish here?
12:04Excuse me?
12:06That woman in there is not going to have sex with you.
12:08Well, I'm not trying to have sex with her.
12:10Oh, good.
12:11Then you won't be disappointed.
12:13What makes you think she wouldn't have sex with me?
12:15I'm a male and she's a female.
12:18Yes, but not of the same species.
12:21I'm not going to engage in hypotheticals here.
12:23I'm just trying to be a good neighbor.
12:25Oh, of course.
12:26That's not to say that if a carnal relationship were to develop, that I wouldn't participate.
12:33However, briefly.
12:35Do you think this possibility will be helped or hindered when she discovers your Luke Skywalker No More Tears shampoo?
12:42It's Darth Vader shampoo.
12:45Luke Skywalker's the conditioner.
12:50Wait until you see this.
12:51It's fantastic.
12:52Unbelievable.
12:52See what?
12:53It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from MIT in 1974.
12:58This isn't a good time.
13:00It's before he became a creepy computer boy.
13:02That's great.
13:06You guys have to go.
13:07Why?
13:08It's just not a good time.
13:09Leonard has a lady over.
13:11Yeah, right.
13:11Your grandmother back in town?
13:15No.
13:16She's not a lady.
13:17She's just a new neighbor.
13:19Hang on.
13:19There really is a lady here?
13:21Uh-huh.
13:22And you want us out because you're anticipating coitus?
13:24I'm not anticipating coitus.
13:27So she's available for coitus?
13:28Can we please just stop saying coitus?
13:31Technically, that would be coitus interruptus.
13:34Hey, is there a trick to getting it to switch from tub to shower?
13:37Oh, hi.
13:38Sorry.
13:39Hello.
13:42Enchanté, mademoiselle.
13:45Howard Wolowitz, Caltech Department of Applied Physics.
13:48You may be familiar with some of my work.
13:50It's currently orbiting Jupiter's largest moon, taking high-resolution digital photographs.
13:56Penny, I work at the Cheesecake Factory.
13:59Come on, I'll show you the trick with the shower.
14:00Okay.
14:01Bonne douche.
14:02I'm sorry?
14:04It's French for a good shower.
14:06It's a sentiment I can express in six languages.
14:09Save it for your blog, Howard.
14:14All right, there it goes.
14:20It sticks.
14:20I'm sorry.
14:21Okay, thanks.
14:22You're welcome.
14:22Oh, you're just going to step right?
14:23Okay.
14:25Hey, Leonard.
14:26The hair products are shelled in.
14:28Okay.
14:29Um, can I ask you a favor?
14:31A favor?
14:33Sure, you can ask me a favor.
14:34I would do you a favor for you.
14:36It's okay if you say no.
14:38Oh, I'll probably say yes.
14:41It's just not the kind of thing you ask a guy you just met.
14:45Wow.
14:51I really think we should examine the chain of causality here.
14:54Must we?
14:55Event A, a beautiful woman stands naked in our shower.
14:58Event B, we drive halfway across town to retrieve a television set from the aforementioned woman's ex-boyfriend.
15:03Query, on what plane of existence is there even a semi-rational link between these events?
15:09She asked me to do her a favor, Sheldon.
15:11Ah, yes.
15:12Well, that may be the proximal cause of our journey, but we both know it only exists in contradistinction to the higher-level distal cause.
15:18Which is?
15:19You think with your penis.
15:20That's a biological impossibility, and you didn't have to come.
15:25Oh, right.
15:26Yes, I could have stayed behind to watch Wolowitz try to hit on Penny and Russian, Arabic, and Farsi.
15:30Why can't she get her own TV?
15:32Come on, you know how it is with breakups.
15:34No, I don't.
15:35And neither do you.
15:36I broke up with Joyce Kim.
15:39You did not break up with Joyce Kim.
15:40She defected to North Korea.
15:42To mend her broken heart.
15:43This situation is much less complicated.
15:50There's some kind of dispute between Penny and her ex-boyfriend as to who gets custody of the TV.
15:54She just wanted to avoid having a scene with him.
15:56So we get to have a scene with him?
15:58No, Sheldon, there's not going to be a scene.
16:00There's two of us and one of him.
16:02Leonard, the two of us can't even carry a TV.
16:06So, you guys work with Leonard and Sheldon at the university?
16:08Okay.
16:13I'm sorry, do you speak English?
16:17Oh, he speaks English.
16:18He just can't speak to women.
16:20Really?
16:21Why?
16:22He's kind of a nerd.
16:26Juice box?
16:32I'll do the talking.
16:33Yeah.
16:34Hi, I'm Leonard.
16:35This is Sheldon.
16:36Hello.
16:36What did I just...
16:38We're here to pick up Penny's TV.
16:42Get lost.
16:42Okay, thanks for your time.
16:44We're not going to give up just like that.
16:46Leonard, the TV's in the building.
16:48We've been denied access to the building, ergo we are done.
16:50Excuse me.
16:52If I were to give up at the first little hitch,
16:53I never would have been able to identify the fingerprints of string theory in the aftermath of the Big Bang.
16:59My apologies.
17:00What's your plan?
17:00What's your plan?
17:01It's just a privilege to watch your mind at work.
17:18Come on, we have a combined IQ of 360.
17:20We should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building.
17:23What do you think their combined IQ is?
17:28Just grab the door!
17:32This is it.
17:34I'll do the talking.
17:35Good thinking.
17:36I'll just be the muscle.
17:37Yeah?
17:46I'm Leonard.
17:46This is Sheldon.
17:48From the intercom.
17:50How the hell did you get in the building?
17:52Oh, we're scientists.
17:55Tell him about our IQ.
18:11Leonard.
18:12What?
18:12My mom bought me those pants.
18:14I'm sorry.
18:16You're going to have to call her.
18:20Sheldon, I am so sorry I dragged you through this.
18:23It's okay.
18:24It wasn't my first pantsing, and it won't be my last.
18:27And you were right about my motives.
18:29I was hoping to establish a relationship with Penny that might have someday led to sex.
18:35But you got me out of my pants.
18:39Anyway, I've learned my lesson.
18:41She's out of my league.
18:42I'm done with her.
18:42I've got my work.
18:44One day I'll win the Nobel Prize, and then I'll die alone.
18:46Don't think like that.
18:48You're not going to die alone.
18:50Thank you, Sheldon.
18:51You're a good friend.
18:51You're certainly not going to win a Nobel Prize.
18:57This is one of my favorite places to kick back after a quest.
19:00They have a great house ale.
19:02Wow, cool tiger.
19:03Yeah, I've had him since level 10.
19:06His name is Buttons.
19:07Anyway, if you had your own game character, we could hang out.
19:12Maybe go on a quest.
19:14That sounds interesting.
19:16That's all you'll think about it.
19:17Oh, I don't think I'll be able to stop thinking about it.
19:21Smooth.
19:22We're home.
19:25Oh, my God.
19:27What happened?
19:28Well, your ex-boyfriend sends his regards, and I think the rest is fairly self-explanatory.
19:33I'm so sorry.
19:34I really thought if you guys went instead of me, he wouldn't be such an ass.
19:37No, that was a valid hypothesis.
19:39That was a valid hypothesis.
19:41What is happening to you?
19:42Really, thank you so much for going and trying.
19:46You're just, oh, you're so terrific.
19:49Why don't you put some clothes on?
19:52I'll get my purse, and dinner is on me, okay?
19:54Really? Great.
19:55Okay.
20:01You're not done with her, are you?
20:05Our babies will be smart and beautiful.
20:09Not to mention imaginary.
20:12Is Thai food okay with you, Penny?
20:19Sure.
20:19We can't have Thai food.
20:20We had Indian for lunch.
20:22So?
20:22They're both curry-based cuisines.
20:24So?
20:25They would be gastronomically redundant.
20:27I can see we're going to have to spell out everything for this girl.
20:31Any ideas, Raj?
20:34Turn left on Lake Street and head up to Colorado.
20:36I know a wonderful little sushi bar that has karaoke.
20:39Well, that sounds like fun.
20:40I don't know what your odds are in the world as a whole, but as far as the population of
20:56this car goes, you're a veritable Mac Daddy.
21:03Here you go.
21:04Pad Thai, no peanut.
21:05Does it have peanut oil?
21:06I'm not sure.
21:08Everyone keep an eye on Howard in case he starts to swell up.
21:12Since it's not bee season, you can have my epinephrine.
21:16Are there any chopsticks?
21:16You don't need chopsticks.
21:17This is Thai food.
21:18Here we go.
21:19Thailand has had the fork since the latter half of the 19th century.
21:22Interestingly, they don't actually put the fork in their mouth.
21:24They use it to put the food on a spoon, which then goes into their mouth.
21:27Ask him for a napkin.
21:30I dare you.
21:32I'll get it.
21:33Do I look puffy?
21:34I feel puffy.
21:37Hey, Leonard.
21:38Oh, hi, Penny.
21:39Am I interrupting?
21:39No.
21:40You're not swelling, Howard.
21:41No, no.
21:42Look at my fingers.
21:42They're like Vienna sausages.
21:44Sounds like you have company.
21:45They're not going anywhere.
21:48So you're coming home from work.
21:49That's great.
21:50How was work?
21:50Well, you know, it's a cheesecake factory.
21:52People order cheesecake, and I bring it to them.
21:55So you kind of act as like a carbohydrate delivery system.
22:00Yeah.
22:01Call it whatever you want.
22:02I get minimum wage.
22:04Yeah.
22:05Anyways, I was wondering if you could help me out with something.
22:07Yes.
22:08Oh.
22:09Okay, great.
22:10I'm having some furniture delivered tomorrow, and I may not be here, so...
22:13Oh.
22:15Hello.
22:15I'm sorry?
22:21Haven't you ever been told how beautiful you are in flawless Russian?
22:24No, I haven't.
22:25Get used to it.
22:27Yeah, I probably won't.
22:30Hey, Sheldon.
22:31Hi.
22:31Hey, Raj.
22:34Still not talking to me, huh?
22:36Don't take it personally.
22:37It's his pathology.
22:38He can't talk to women.
22:39He can't talk to attractive women, or in your case, a cheesecake-scented goddess.
22:44So, there's gonna be some furniture delivered?
22:46Yeah, yeah.
22:46If it gets here and I'm not here tomorrow, could you just sign for it and have them put
22:49him in my apartment?
22:50Yeah, no problem.
22:51Great.
22:51Here's my spare key.
22:55Honey, wait.
22:56Yeah?
22:57Um, if you don't have any other plans, do you want to join us for Thai food and a Superman
23:03movie marathon?
23:04A marathon?
23:05Wow.
23:05How many Superman movies are there?
23:07You're kidding, right?
23:08You know, I do like the one where Lois Lane falls from the helicopter and Superman swooshes
23:13down and catches her.
23:14Which one was that?
23:15One.
23:16You realize that scene was rife with scientific inaccuracy.
23:20Yes, I know.
23:21Men can't fly.
23:22No, no.
23:22Let's assume that they can.
23:25Lois Lane is falling, accelerating at an initial rate of 32 feet per second per second.
23:29Superman swoops down to save her by reaching out two arms of steel.
23:32Miss Lane, who is now traveling at approximately 120 miles an hour, hits them and is immediately
23:36sliced into three equal pieces.
23:38Unless Superman matches her speed and decelerates.
23:43In what space, sir?
23:45In what space?
23:45She's two feet above the ground.
23:47Frankly, if he really loved her, he'd let her hit the pavement.
23:50It'd be a more merciful death.
23:52Excuse me, your entire argument is predicated on the assumption that Superman's flight is
23:57a feat of strength.
23:58Are you listening to yourself?
23:59It is well established that Superman's flight is a feat of strength.
24:02It is an extension of his ability to leap tall buildings, an ability he derives from
24:05exposure to Earth's yellow sun.
24:06And you don't have a problem with that?
24:07How does he fly at night?
24:08Oh, a combination of the moon's solar reflection and the energy storage capacity of Kryptonian
24:12skin cells.
24:14I'm just going to go wash up.
24:16I have 2,600 comic books in there.
24:18I challenge you to find a single reference to Kryptonian skin cells.
24:21Challenge accepted.
24:22We're locked out.
24:28Also, the pretty girl left.
24:32Okay.
24:34Her apartment's on the fourth floor, but the elevator's broken, so you're going to have
24:36to...
24:37Oh, you're just going to be done?
24:38Okay, cool.
24:38Thanks.
24:40I guess we'll just bring it up ourselves.
24:42I hardly think so.
24:44Why not?
24:45Well, we don't have a dolly, or lifting belts, or any measurable upper body strength.
24:52We don't need strength.
24:53We're physicists.
24:54We are the intellectual descendants of Archimedes.
24:56Give me a fulcrum and a lever, and I can move the Earth.
24:58It's just a matter of...
24:59I don't have this.
25:00I don't have this!
25:00I do not have this!
25:02Archimedes would be so proud.
25:04Do you have any ideas?
25:12Yes, but they all involve a green lantern and a power ring.
25:17Easy.
25:18Easy.
25:22Okay.
25:24Now we've got an inclined plane.
25:25The force required to lift is reduced by the sign of the angle of the stairs.
25:28Call it 30 degrees, so about half.
25:31Exactly half.
25:34Exactly, yeah.
25:36Let's push.
25:40Okay.
25:41See, it's moving.
25:42This is easy.
25:43All the math.
25:45What's your formula for the corner?
25:47What?
25:50Oh.
25:51Okay.
25:52Uh, okay, yeah, no problem.
25:55Just come up here and help me pull and turn.
26:01Oh, gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.
26:04You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of you having
26:10sexual congress with this woman.
26:12Men do things for women without expecting sex.
26:15Yeah, those would be men who just had sex.
26:18I'm doing this to be a good neighbor.
26:21In any case, there's no way I could lower the odds.
26:25Ah.
26:25Almost there.
26:28Almost there.
26:30Almost there.
26:31No, we're not.
26:32No, we're not.
26:32No, we're not.
26:35Watch your fingers.
26:36Watch your fingers.
26:36Yeah.
26:37I've got my fingers.
26:40You okay?
26:41No.
26:42We heard great Caesar's ghost look at this place.
26:44So, Penny's a little messy.
26:48A little messy?
26:50The Mandelbrot set of complex numbers is a little messy.
26:53This is chaos.
26:54Excuse me.
26:56Explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid.
27:00And I'm just inferring that this is a couch because the evidence suggests the coffee table's
27:04having a tiny garage sale.
27:07Did it ever occur to you that not everyone has the compulsive need to sort, organize, and
27:11label the entire world around them?
27:14No.
27:16Well, they don't.
27:17Hard as it may be for you to believe, most people don't sort their breakfast cereal numerically
27:21by fiber content.
27:24Excuse me, but I think we've both found that helpful at times.
27:26Come on, we should go.
27:30Hang on.
27:33What are you doing?
27:34I'm straightening up.
27:36Sheldon, this is not your home.
27:37No, this is not anyone's home.
27:38This is a swirling vortex of entropy.
27:43When the transvestite lived here, you didn't care how he kept the place.
27:46Because it was immaculate.
27:47I mean, you opened that man's closet, it was left to right.
27:50Evening gowns, cocktail dresses, and his police uniforms.
27:54What were you doing in his closet?
27:56I helped him run some cable for a webcam.
27:58Hey, guys.
27:59Oh, hey, Penny.
28:00This just arrived.
28:01We just brought this up.
28:01Just now.
28:03Great.
28:03Was it hard getting up the stairs?
28:05No.
28:05No?
28:06No.
28:07No.
28:10We'll get out of your hair.
28:11Okay, great.
28:11Thank you again.
28:16Penny, I just want you to know that you don't have to live like this.
28:21I'm here for you.
28:24What's he talking about?
28:25It's a joke.
28:28I don't get it.
28:28Yeah, he didn't tell it right.
28:29Sheldon?
28:41Sheldon?
28:45Sheldon?
28:49Oh, dear?
28:53Hello?
28:57Hello?
29:18Hilden!
29:19Shhh!
29:22Penny's sleeping.
29:23Are you insane?
29:27You can't just break into a woman's apartment in the middle of the night and clean.
29:30I had no choice.
29:31I couldn't sleep knowing that just outside my bedroom was our living room,
29:34and just outside our living room was that hallway,
29:36and immediately adjacent to that hallway was...this.
29:41Do you realize that if Penny wakes up,
29:43there is no reasonable explanation as to why we're here?
29:46I just gave you a reasonable explanation.
29:49No, no. You gave me an explanation.
29:51Its reasonableness will be determined by a jury of your peers.
29:55Don't be ridiculous.
29:56I have no peers.
29:58We have to get out of here.
30:03You might want to speak in a lower register.
30:06What?
30:07Evolution has made women sensitive to high-pitched noises while they sleep,
30:10so that they'll be roused by a crying baby.
30:12If you want to avoid waking her, speak in a lower register.
30:18That's ridiculous!
30:22No?
30:24That's ridiculous.
30:29Fine.
30:30I accept your premise. Now, please, let's go.
30:34I'm not leaving until I'm done.
30:40If you have time to lean, you have time to clean.
30:47Oh, what the hell?
30:48Oh.
30:56Morning.
30:58Morning.
31:00I have to say, I slept splendidly.
31:02Granted, not long, but just deeply and well.
31:05I'm not surprised.
31:06A well-known folk cure for insomnia is to break in your neighbor's apartment and clean.
31:12Sarcasm?
31:14You think?
31:16Granted, my methods may have been somewhat unorthodox,
31:18but I think the end result will be a measurable enhancement of Penny's quality of life.
31:22You know what? You convinced me.
31:23Maybe tonight we should sneak in and shampoo her carpet.
31:26You don't think that crosses a line?
31:28Yes.
31:29For God's sake, Sheldon.
31:30Do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
31:33You have a sarcasm sign?
31:38No, I do not have a sarcasm sign.
31:41You want some cereal?
31:42I feel so good today, I'm gonna choose from the low-fiber end of the shelf.
31:46Hello, honeypuffs.
31:48Son of a bitch!
31:51Penny's up.
31:53You sick and geeky bastards!
31:56Why did she know it was us?
31:59I may have left a suggested organizational schematic for her bedroom closet.
32:04Leonard?
32:05God, this is gonna be bad.
32:06Goodbye, honeypuffs.
32:07Hello, big brand.
32:09Who came into my apartment last night while I was sleeping?
32:12Yes, but only to clean.
32:13Really, more to organize.
32:14You're not actually dirty, per se.
32:16Give me back my key.
32:19I'm very, very sorry.
32:21Do you understand how creepy this is?
32:23Oh, yes, we discussed it at length last night.
32:25In my apartment?
32:26While I was sleeping?
32:27And snoring.
32:28And that's probably just a sinus infection.
32:30But it could be sleep apnea.
32:32You might want to see an otolaryngologist.
32:36It's a throat doctor.
32:39And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?
32:43Depending on the depth.
32:44That's either a proctologist or a general surgeon.
32:48Oh.
32:58Good!
32:59Look, Penny, I think what you're feeling is perfectly valid.
33:01And maybe a little bit later today when you're feeling a little less, for lack of a better word, violated.
33:05Maybe we can talk about this some more.
33:07Stay away from me.
33:08Sure, that's another way to go.
33:09Penny, Penny, Penny, hold on.
33:11Just to clarify, because there will be a discussion when you leave.
33:16Is your objection solely to our presence in the apartment while you were sleeping?
33:20Or do you also object to the imposition of a new organizational paradigm?
33:30Well, that was a little non-responsive.
33:32You were going to march yourself over there right now and apologize.
33:41What's funny?
33:42That wasn't sarcasm?
33:44No!
33:46Boy, you are all over the place this morning.
33:52I have a master's and two PhDs. I should not have to do this.
33:56What?
33:58I am truly sorry for what happened last night.
34:00I take full responsibility.
34:02And I hope that it won't color your opinion of Leonard,
34:04who is not only a wonderful guy, but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover.
34:21I did what I could.
34:23Hey, Rush.
34:24Hey, listen.
34:25I don't know if you heard about what happened last night with Leonard and Sheldon, but I'm really upset about it.
34:38I mean, they just, they let themselves into my place, and then they cleaned it.
34:41I mean, can you even believe that? How weird is that?
34:43Oh, she's standing very close to me.
34:47Oh my, she does smell good.
34:49What is that?
34:50Vanilla?
34:51Well, I mean, you know, where I come from, if someone comes into your house at night, you shoot.
34:55Okay?
34:56And you don't shoot till wound.
34:57I mean, all right, my sister shot her husband, but it was an accident. They were drunk.
35:02What was I saying?
35:03She's so chatty.
35:07Maybe my parents are right. Maybe I'd be better off with an Indian girl.
35:10We'd have the same cultural background, and my wife could sing to my children the same lullabies my mother sang to me.
35:15It's obvious that they met well, but I'm just, I'm having a really rough time.
35:18Like I said, I broke up with my boyfriend, and it's freaking me out.
35:21I mean, just because most of the men I've known in my life happen to be jerks, doesn't mean I should just assume Leonard and Sheldon are. Right?
35:33She asked me a question. I should probably nod.
35:38That's exactly what I thought. Thank you for listening. You're a doll.
35:43Uh-oh. Turn your pelvis.
35:51Grab a napkin, homie. You just got served.
36:04It's fine. You went.
36:07What's his problem?
36:08His imaginary girlfriend broke up with him.
36:12Been there.
36:16Hello. Sorry I'm late, but I was in the hallway chatting up Penny.
36:21Really, you. Rajesh, Kutrupali, spoke to Penny.
36:24Actually, I was less the chatter than the chattee.
36:27What did she say? Is she still mad at me?
36:29Well, she was upset at first, but probably because his sister shot somebody.
36:35Then there was something about you, and then she hugged me.
36:39She hugged you? How'd she hug you?
36:41Is that her perfume I smell?
36:50Intoxicating, isn't it?
36:54Intoxicating, isn't it?
37:11Hi.
37:12Oh.
37:13What's going on?
37:14Uh, here's the thing.
37:22Penny.
37:24Just as Oppenheimer came to regret his contributions to the first atomic bomb, so too I regret my participation in what was, at the very least, an error in judgment.
37:32The hallmark of the great human experiment is the willingness to recognize one's mistakes.
37:38Some mistakes, such as Madame Curie's discovery of radium, turned out to have great scientific potential, even though she would later die a slow, painful death from radiation poisoning.
37:48Another example from the field of Ebola research...
37:50Leonard.
37:52Yeah?
37:56We're okay.
38:16Six two-inch dowels?
38:17Check.
38:18One package Phillips-head screws?
38:19Check.
38:20You guys, seriously, I grew up on a farm, okay?
38:22I rebuilt a tractor engine when I was, like, 12.
38:24I think I could put together a cheap Swedish media center.
38:26Oh, please, we insist.
38:27It's the least we can do, considering.
38:29Considering what?
38:30How great this place looks?
38:34Oh, boy, I was afraid of this.
38:35What?
38:36These instructions are a pictographic representation of the least imaginative way to assemble these components.
38:41This right here is why Sweden has no space program.
38:45Well, it looks pretty good in the store.
38:47It is an inefficient design.
38:48For example, Penny has a flat-screen TV, which means all the space behind it is wasted.
38:52We could put her stereo back there.
38:53And control it out.
38:54Run an infrared repeater.
38:55Photocell here.
38:56Emitter here.
38:57Easy peasy.
38:59Good point.
39:00How are you gonna cool it?
39:01Hey, guys, I got this.
39:02Hang on, Penny.
39:03How about fans?
39:04Here and here.
39:05Also inefficient.
39:06Dan might be loud.
39:07How about liquid cooling?
39:08Maybe a little aquarium pump here.
39:09Run some quarter-inch PVC.
39:11Guys, this is actually really simple.
39:14Hold on, honey.
39:15Men at work.
39:18PVC comes down here.
39:19Maybe a little corrugated sheet metal as a radiator here.
39:21Uh, really?
39:22Show me where we put a drip tray, a sluice, and an overflow reservoir.
39:24Hey, if water's involved, we're gonna have to ground the crap out of the thing.
39:27Guys, it's hot in here.
39:28I think I'll just take off all my clothes.
39:35Oh, I've got it.
39:37What about if we replace pedals A, B, and F, and crossbar H with aircraft-grade aluminum?
39:42Oh, right.
39:43Then the entire thing's one big heat sink.
39:44Perfect.
39:45Leonard, why don't you chill and go down to the junkyard and pick up about six square meters
39:47of scrap aluminum.
39:48Raj and I'll run down to my lab and get the oxyacetylene torch.
39:50Meet back here in an hour?
39:51Done.
39:52Got it.
39:53Okay, this place does look pretty good.
39:56Okay, this place does look pretty good.
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